Wheels of Fortune?* -- Man crawls off plane and right back on to my Whirled

It's been quite a while since I wrote about one of my favorite SNAG-gy posers, the performance artist who calls himself Dreaming-Bear (real name Baraka Kanaan. Oh, wait. Make that DR. Baraka Kanaan, aka "Dr. Baraka" or "Dr. DreamingBear."). Dreaming-Bear, whom some ditzy journo nicknamed "The Kissing Prophet" a few years ago, and who calls himself "The Modern Day Rumi," has been a Whirled favorite in past years, by virtue of having built his empire upon a whole pseudo-erotic shtick involving over-wrought poetry and prose about "kissing" his followers into consciousness. He used to do most of this nearly-naked, but has tried to soften his image a bit in recent years.

Dreaming-Bear has aroused suspicion about his true provenance (is he Native American? Middle Eastern? Boring white-bread boy trying to improve his mystical creds?)... but that, of course, has not prevented him from attracting followers. Often times, people who want to believe don't just ignore inconsistencies; they embrace them as mysteries. In this September 2007 post I snarked at some length about DB's pandering and his (mostly female) admirers' responses.

He continued to capture my attention, even though he was really pretty small-time by Scamworld standards, because he seemed, to me, so ridiculously phony -- that low-hanging fruit that certain species of lazy bloggers love to toy with while other more serious bloggers are going after the really bad guys. Over the past few years, however, DB has also made efforts to align himself with the larger Scamworld, where the real money is and some pretty bad guys are. Look, here he is with Mock Victims Hansen, co-perp of the Chicken Soup series.

And here's pop-psych author Harold Bloomfield, M.D. (who helped popularize Transcendental Meditation in the 1970s), waxing poetic about DB. Dr. Baraka just seems to inspire that kind of writing in people.

Click to enlarge. (Nausea advisory in effect.)

Of Dreaming-Bear's Lovevolution concerts, Bloomfield writes:

Each concert begins with a brief ceremonial honoring of the women who are present, in which DreamingBear invites the men to verbally acknowledge the feminine energy in a kind of apology for the past and proposal for the future.

Word had it that Deebie had his own way of "acknowledging the feminine energy" and that all too many of his personal "proposals for the future" involved picking some attractive females in the audience to exploit in the near future, in one way or another. But oh, what a pickup line: "Men are dicks, but here's mine." (Did I just make a rhyme?)

Although I hadn't been writing much recently about "Dr. DreamingBear," as he now seems to prefer to be called, I still get fairly frequent emails or comments to my blog, thanking me for poking holes in his sacred image. Some of the messages are from women who have thanked me fervently for keeping them from falling into DB's seductive trap -- he seems to be quite the exploiter of the ladies, as are many in his position. I've heard from women who said they attended his events and he targeted them with his "charms," and they were tempted even though they had sort of an uneasy feeling about him... and then they read my blog, which made them realize that they were wise to listen to their gut feelings.

For a while, it seemed that my blog posts were just about the only press that DB was getting, to the point that he sent me a couple of emails a few years ago, asking me to give him a call so we could talk, and begging me to please quit writing about him, and asking me to take down the things I had written about him, and subtly threatening me with legal action or at least karmic consequences. I wrote a little about that on this January 2009 blog post (scroll down to "Calling on Dreaming-Bear").

I did quit writing about DB so much, but only because bigger and admittedly slimier fish grabbed my attention.

But now he's in the news with a new claim to fame: He is, according to press reports, a "disabled paraplegic," aka the man who crawled off a plane and right into a lawsuit. Someone just alerted me to this today, suggesting that I Google "Man Crawls Off Plane." And sure enough, there was my old friend Dreaming-Bear. On July 23, 2013, he filed a civil lawsuit, with a request for a jury trial, against Delta Airlines for an unspecified amount, in response to a couple of incidents that occurred in July 2012. The incidents, he claimed, caused him "intense physical and extreme emotional suffering." Compensation and damages will be determined at trial.

The story just hit the media late last month (I don't know how I missed it). Here's another article about the incident.

And here is Baraka Kanaan's actual complaint.

I briefly wrote about Dreaming-Bear's reported disability on this July 2008 post (scroll down to "Dreaming-Bear: rolling with the punches"). Some accused me of being a little unkind. Although Dreaming-Bear claims he was in a car wreck some years ago, and various back surgeries have forced him to use a wheelchair at times, there was some dispute, including among people who said they knew him personally and had observed his behavior first-hand, about whether he was exaggerating or exploiting his situation for various reasons. Dreaming-Bear himself wrote to me, in one of the emails I mentioned above, that he is "legally disabled."

Some of the recent news stories have said he was in a car wreck in 2000 that left him partially paralyzed. It does seem that he has gotten around pretty well in the intervening years, despite that partial paralysis. (DreamingBear himself has an explanation for that; see the PS below.)

Now, lest you think I'm still being heartless and am making light of people with disabilities, or that I'm excusing any bad behavior on the part of Delta Airlines (or any airline who mistreats the genuinely disabled, or any other passenger or employee), I'm not. Delta apparently has a history of egregious treatment of the disabled. And if you read the July 2008 Whirled post I linked to above, you'll see that I have, in the past, tried to give DB the benefit of the doubt on this matter.

Even so, something keeps nagging at me, and in light of Dreaming-Bear's shenanigans in the past, I have to look at this story with raised eyebrows. Forgive me for thinking -- even after looking at things from his perspective (see below) that there may be more to the tale than meets the eye.

It could turn out to be a real case that actually forces offending airlines to improve their treatment of passengers with special needs -- which would be a good thing. Or it could be just more histrionics from an established drama queen and New-Wage dilettante who is scavenging for yet another source of (eventual) income. I'm not making that call yet. I'm open to either possibility and will certainly make corrections as necessary.

But my b.s. meter is on full alert for now, and maybe yours should be as well.

PS, added 6 August, 2013 ~ Although a cursory search for stories related to this incident revealed mostly uncritical reporting (with a few mostly sympathetic commentaries in the mix), I found this entry on the First2Board blog, Travelblawg, which had an interesting comment about "Dr." Deebie's Twitter feeds around the time the incidents actually occurred, as opposed to his Twitter feeds around the time of the lawsuit. Dreaming-Bear is on Twitter under the user name, Mauitopia, with this tag line on the banner: "I am the voice of the cosmos & of nature, the ecstasy of stars is with me & the birth pangs of Earth are with me. I have become the tongue of trees." Uh-huh.

The Travelblawg blogger screen-shot those respective feeds, with a little bit of snarkin' about Deebie's poetics. As per usual, click to enlarge.
 

 

Granted, it does take time to put a lawsuit together, and Deebie apparently went through channels (complaining to the airline, to the FAA, etc.) and gave Delta a chance to make things right before the suit was finally filed. And he could have also been advised by counsel at the time the incidents occurred not to write much about them. (He also had spinal surgery some time after the incident; his legal complaint suggested that the surgery, which had already been scheduled, had to be delayed because of injuries suffered during the incident.) Moreover, he did note in one of his 2013 tweets that he had "reported" the incident last year, presumably meaning that he informed his followers at some point about what was going on. So a Twitter feed alone is not an indication that this was not a matter of concern for him at the time it first happened. Still, it seems blogworthy.

Baraka certainly hasn't been silent on Facebook in the wake of the lawsuit filing. A couple of days ago he wrote about the "defamation" campaign by Delta. He explains that he is being unfairly persecuted for having "a life before being in this wheelchair." In fairness to him I will post a screen shot:


On that same post, he also posted some shots of his medical reports as of February 2012, nearly six months prior to the Delta incidents. Here they are:

So there you have it, or some of it, anyway, from Dr. DreamingBear's side. Funny thing, though: my b.s. meter is still on alert. And for the record, I am not working for Delta, or on behalf of Delta, or for or on behalf of anyone else in the army of persecutors whom Deebie likes to imagine are after him. I'm here on my own behalf, doing my part to keep hustlers and scammers from hustling and scamming any more people than necessary.

Baraka 'round the Whirled:

• July 2007: Hunka hunka burnin' lust...on Maui
• August 2007: (Scroll down to Dreaming-Bear redux)
• September 2007: Dreaming-Bear speaks of Burning Man, fails to mention Hanging Man
• July 2008: (Scroll down to Dreaming-Bear: rolling with the punches)
• January 2009: (Scroll down to "Calling on Dreaming-Bear")

* With apologies to the producers of the old sitcom, Frasier.

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Stoopidity cubed

I have to admit that I got really annoyed with Facebook the other day. Lately they have been cluttering my precious page space with inane sponsored posts and not-helpful "suggested pages," such as a repeated post from Audible.com advertising The Secret audiobook. Like I want to listen to that junk. Doesn't Facebook read my blog? Apparently not. And there are numerous other ads and posts of that nature. One that really stuck out for me -- so much so that I even wrote a gripe-y Facebook post about it -- was an ad for a Manifestation Cube. Well, actually, the ad was for a free Manifestation Training video (worth $149!) teaching you about the cube and "how it will improve your 'luck' and allow your unconscious mind to manifest with minimal effort." A promo vid was uploaded to YouTube this past October.


The more I researched the Manifestation Cube and its notorious creator, however, the more I realized that Facebook was actually doing me a favor by putting such easy blog fodder right in my lap. I came to see that perhaps Facebook is my latter-day StarDoves.

Let me 'splain (some of you may already know the story, so feel free to skip the next couple of paragraphs). Back in the days when this Whirled was very young -- and years before I got on Facebook -- I used to regularly receive juicy snark chum from a New-Wage spam email service, owned and operated by the "StarDoves," whom I liked to describe as a New-Wage MystiCouple. (I believe that the female half of the MystiCouple has since "transcended the physical," as the conspicuously enlightened set likes to put it, but the Myster is still going strong and is even on Facebook himself now.) I never signed up to be on the StarDoves' mailing list -- I figured they somehow thought I might be interested in getting their stuff because of that whole "Cosmic" Connie thing -- and at first the emails annoyed me. I would delete them without reading them.

But then I began reading them and saw what a gold mine they were. Just about every major and minor New-Wage guru and wannabe was using that service, and there were tons of snarkworthy content in those emails. I was then and still am kind of a lazy blogger, the lizard on the rock, lying in the sun waiting for the big juicy bug to fly within tongue's reach. StarDoves made it so easy.

Eventually, though, StarDoves must have figured out that I was not the audience they were trying to reach -- perhaps they got a few complaints from some of their clients whom I'd snarked about. (One that I know of, a Chellie Campbell, even complained about me on a radio show, intimating that I engaged in gratuitous sniping. Can you imagine? My friend Steve Salerno of SHAMblog, who was on the radio show with this person, mentioned this to me. (Here's his blog post about that show.))

Anyway, the upshot was that the Doves dropped me. I was a little sad. I felt a little empty.

But now there's Facebook to fill that emptiness with wackadoodle New-Wage dilettantes who are out to empty my wallet. Such as the guy who wants to sell me some magickal Manifestation Cubes.

Doing a little more Googling, I found a site that sort of pretends to be a third-party site, in that it refers to the Cubes' creator in the third person. And it explains in scientifical terms just how the things work.

Utilizing the Cube as a Potent Tool to Manipulate Reality
In one of the Advanced Training videos, Eric taught us precisely how to use our Cubes to change reality.
As effective as Direct Manifestation is, the results that I’m achieving with my Cube are absolutely mind-blowing!
The Cube amplifies all manifestations because the frequency of your manifestation intent combines with Eric’s frequency contained within the Cube.

When you consider all of this, you realize that Eric is actually manifesting your intent.
In the video, he teaches us exactly how to project our manifestations into the outer layers of the cube. The orb that’s housed inside the Cube is the part that has been imbued.
When Eric’s frequency radiates outwards from the orb in the center, it combines with the intent projected into the outer layers.
Your manifestation is “supercharged” when it combines with his frequency because his unique vibration is easily recognized as a “programmer of the matrix.”
It’s like the Universe programming Gaia with your intent!

And, because the Cube is, well, a cube, it is completely undetected by Gaia. At Kairos, Eric taught that cubes and squares do not register on the Gaia grid, which means the Cube re-programs the matrix without ever being detected.
The Cube is like a stealth bomber; the radar is the Gaia mind, and the bombs are your intents/manifestations.

First of all, notice how the writer brings Gaia into the picture instead of sticking with The Universe as the magickal wish granter (as most of your garden-variety manifestation/Law of Attraction junkies do), or referring to God and prayer (as most traditional religionists do). And notice how the Cube works by getting the Universe to manipulate and program Gaia totally without Gaia's knowledge. That is one sneaky little Cube. Frankly, I think Gaia would be a little pissed off if She knew how She was being used. But let's not tell Her.

How much will this sneaky manifestating and programming set you back? You'll be glad to know that the Cube -- the "1st Cube," that is, the top-of-the-line Gaia manipulator -- is a bargain at only $20,000! If you think that price is a little on the high side, it is obvious that you just don't know squat. It shows you're a small and limited thinker who can't even think outside the box, say nothing of think inside the Cube.

The truth, Dear Ones, is that this is a Very Special Cube. It is special because Eric -- yes, Eric! -- will imbue it with his special gay sex predator cooties energies. Look, it says so right on the site:

1st Cube

• This is the original Siddhis Cube design that Eric settled on over 20 years ago. He will spend an extensive amount of time working with the Cube, Imbuing the Cube, and personalizing it with your individual frequency using a photo.
• Only 20 of these particular Cubes will be made before the cast is destroyed.

If a 1st Cube is beyond your reach, never fear. You can also choose from a $7,500, $2,500, and $1,500 model. All are imbued with Eric's special unique Eric-ness, but the cheaper ones have less Eric in them. The cheapest one has only a little bit of Eric in it and isn't even personalized. But it's better than no Eric at all.



At any price, I'd say those Cubes are one hell of a bargain, even though in itty-bitty teeny-weeny letters at the very bottom of the page, it says this: "The item may not be exactly like it is described. Each cube is unique in design and no two cubes are alike. Higher Balance Cannot guarentee [sic] any spiritual, metaphysical or any other result from this item. For all intents and purposes, this item is considered an art piece."

But don't you worry your little head about that. It's totally unimportant. If it were important it would be at the top of the page in big letters.

By now you may be ready to whip out your credit card. But hold on, Mister or Missy. First you need to call a toll-free number to see if you even qualify to buy the $20,000 cube. After all, this advanced level of magickal manifestation isn't just for anyone. The good news is that you don't have to call a toll-free number to qualify for the cheaper Cubes. You just have to be in possession of a sufficient number of energetic units known as "dollars."

Some of you may still be asking, "Okay, but just who the heck is this Eric person?" You really need to stop asking so many questions. If you'd watched the video I linked to above, you would already know that Eric is Eric Pepin, head honcho at the Higher Balance Institute (HBI). But maybe that doesn't really answer the question of who Eric really is to your satisfaction. And some of you tightwads may still be asking, "Whoever he is, why is he charging so much for his Cubes?"

Well, first of all, if you watched the aforementioned video you would have seen that Eric apparently did a lot of soul-searching about even creating the Cubes. Apparently he was faced with a real moral dilemma -- a conflict between the spiritual and the material. He knows that money can corrupt. He gets that, he really does. But in the end he decided that he really owed it to his followers to give them the best tools possible to help them succeed. And the best tools cost real money -- no getting around that. Hence the Manifestation Cubes. Or Siddhis Cubes, as Eric likes to call them.

I'm sure that the high price of the Cubes is commensurate with their true value, and has nothing to do with the fact that Eric may possibly have a few legal bills to pay.

A few years ago, Eric was charged with having sexual relations with a male follower who was under-aged (17) at the time of the relationship. Eric said the follower was 18 when they had sex. In May of 2007, after a five-day bench trial, an Oregon judge found Eric not guilty of two counts of second-degree sexual abuse, four counts of third-degree sexual abuse, and one count of using a child in a display of sexually explicit conduct. The judge, Steven L. Price, said it was "probable that the conduct alleged in all counts occurred," but since he wasn't convinced beyond a reasonable doubt, he had no choice but to acquit.

Here is one link to a post telling Eric's side of the story (more links can be found on that post). Among other things, Eric and his lawyer say that the accuser was a liar and that he later admitted he lied.

What doesn't seem at issue is that Eric habitually exploits some of his male followers/employees. In this regard he is no different from other New-Wage/McSpirituality gurus of all stripes and sexual orientations. Whether it's a former chiropractor and now second-in-command of a cultish group originally inspired by the late Russian "holy" man Rasputin (and other disembodied entities)... or a lunatic alt-health not-doctor who makes outrageous cancer cure claims and allegedly takes advantage of vulnerable female "patients" and employees... or a Maui poser who calls himself a poet and prophet, and makes the ladies swoon... or a creepy Sri Lankan "holy" man who skips around from coast to coast spreading his own icky form of enlightenment (these days that creepy Sri Lankan, Tilak, apparently goes by the name Tilak Fernando. He's on Facebook too)... or an old-school motivator whose alleged misdeeds with underaged vics has yet to be publicly discussed (hence the lack of links here)... or any number of other gurus who fall into the Guruphiliac blog's category of "Hands Where They Don't Belong"... sexual exploitation of followers and employees by industry "leaders" is one of the worst-kept secrets of New-Wage culture (though of course this dynamic is not restricted to the conspicuously enlightened crowd). Whether it's consensual or not, whether the alleged vics are under-aged or not, it is still, almost always, a matter of one person taking the worst sort of advantage of being in a position of power over others.

But don't worry your pretty little head over that either. Enlightened people are non-judgmental. (Fortunately I am not enlightened.)

Anyway. There was a lot of buzz about Eric Pepin and those awful allegations for a while, including a discussion on a New-Age site called Signs of the Times (SOTT). Eric sued SOTT for more than $4 million over some remarks that some of the commenters had made. Here's the scoop from the site's owner.

Eric lost that lawsuit. Ouch. I bet that hurt.
You can read more about Eric Pepin and his troubles in this 2009 piece from a Portland, Oregon alt-weekly newspaper, which concluded:

...Pepin is forging ahead, gearing up for a weeklong Higher Balance retreat in Hawaii starting May 31. His website claims he’ll take students there on a journey into the distant past and far future, and help them “experience inner hyperdimensional space consciousness.”

Despite such bold claims, Pepin insists in interviews he remains humble—even after a student in L.A. last month asked to touch Pepin’s feet. Pepin refused. “I don’t want someone to think I’m God, because I certainly don’t believe I’m God,” Pepin says.

“I tell people, ‘Don’t call me an enlightened master,’” he says. “I can’t live up to your expectations. I’m going to make mistakes, I’m going to make errors, and you’re going to put me in a stature that I can’t uphold. That’s my worst fear.”

Fears or not, Eric is still plying his wares today, and he will gladly sell you those $20,000 magickal cubes. After all, legal troubles don't come cheap. But you have to wonder if anyone will really be stoopid enough to buy those Manifestation Cubes, at any price.

• One of several discussions about Eric Pepin on the Rick Ross forum :
  http://forum.rickross.com/read.php?12,92520,120185
• Even some of the folks on crackpot David Icke's forum are on to Eric:
  http://www.davidicke.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234949

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The movie ACCESS doesn't want you to see

click on pic for enlargement

It's a busy Monday for your hostess, Dear Ones, so I don't really have as much time as I would like to have to conclude my celebration of Access Consciousness' four-day adventure in the Bayou City of Houston, Texas, USA. Today is the last day of the cultish sex-and-money org's constellation of events at Houston's Hotel Indigo. I began my Whirled celebration on Friday, and continued it on Saturday (with a PS added on Sunday).

And though I really do have so much more to write, Real Work intrudes. Don't cry for me; it's an intrusion I always welcome. But I did want to share news of an upcoming movie with you. It's the true tail of the magick that ensues when a failed-real-estate-broker-and-antiques-dealer-turned-channeler-and-con-artist adopts a failed chiropractor who is on the verge of suicide. In the years that follow, the chiro helps drag the old con man's shtick to giddy new levels of smarm and sleaze worldwide success, becoming a sex star in his own write. Yet Smarmaduke's story is not without its moments of poignancy, such as his failed effort to get a show on Oprah's network, or his total inability to maintain a MySpace page (he started one here and here but apparently got sidetracked. At least there's a profile pic in the second link; judging from the background, it looks as if was snapped at an Access workshop, but of course I could be wrong).

The movie is not rated.

The Access events wrap up today in my former fair city, but the old con artist will be back June 18-20, 2011 with an Advanced Body Class. Meanwhile, there's bound to be an Access workshop coming soon to a venue near you. Prices vary, but remember, kids under 16 always fly free. Whoopee!

More later, when I have more time.

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Now more than ever, your donation is needed
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ACCESS: Right bawdy for you

Today, Dear Ones, we continue what we began yesterday: the four-day-long celebration of Access and The City – The City being my former hometown of Houston, Texas USA. While the Accessories continue reaching new levels of Accessorydom (Accessorydumb?) in a little conference room at the Hotel Indigo in Houston's elegant but traffic-infested Uptown area, I'll share a few little snippets and tidbits that have come across my e-desk recently.

Ever since I began writing about Access in 2007, I have been hearing from people who have serious issues with this cult-like sex-and-money organization. Here's one early post in which I share some of these people's thoughts. I still hear regularly from folks who are grateful to see some information about Access that hasn't been generated by Access itself or an Access member.

The truth is that even after more than 20 years, Access hasn't reached critical mass yet to even be a blip on the radar of most critics and watchers of cults and cult-like orgs; why, there's still no Access discussion on the Rick Ross Forum. And there's little objective information; Access was apparently not even deemed worthy of Wikipedia, though this old and now-outdated article remains in WikiP's rejected-articles archives. Now and again one runs across a critical discussion of Access, such as this one, initiated in 2009, but these discussions are still pretty rare.

So I suppose that for the time being, my little Whirled in this dark little corner of the blogosphere will have to suffice to provide aid and comfort to (1) people who are worried about their loved ones being swallowed up in Access' increasingly greedy/horny maw; (2) ex-Accessories who wonder WTF they were THINKING; and (3) long-time observers of Access who wonder why so many supposedly intelligent adults are still getting sucked up in this pale imitation of Scientology.

Apropos of the latter, it has been reported in various places, including here on this very blog, that Gary Douglas is a former Scientologist. Although Gary did not mention Scientology in the now-suppressed "official" story of how he and the late "Mad Monk" of Russia, Rasputin, got to be good buds, it does seem that Access, like so many other New-Wage scams, was inspired at least in part by Scientology. There's no denying that Access continues to promote beliefs and practices that rival Scientology in their wackiness. 

One person recently wrote to me about hanging around Access founder Gary Douglas back in the day when Gary was channeling Rasputin, or Raz, as Gary used to fondly call the deceased Russian charlatan. Even though a mere high school student at the time, my correspondent detected that the channeling act was utter crap. One of the things that gave it away was Gary's bad Russian accent, which sounded to my correspondent like that of a Bond villain in the movies. (The fact that Raz didn't speak English when he was alive was suspicious to him too; then again, maybe they have ESL classes in the Afterlife.)

If only Gary's adult followers then and now had been as astute as that teenager, we probably wouldn't be having this conversation today. My correspondent, who was around as Gary made the career transition from real estate and antiques to channeling and con artistry, also knows someone close to Gary who has become quite the Access ripoff artist herself. As seems to be the case with many Accessories, this woman was particularly attracted to the free-love aspect of Access, and insisted that the power of Access would prevent sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. My correspondent said the woman told him that there is a purpose for having multiple sexual partners; it has to do with gathering sexual energy in order to reach a point where one has a "tree of energy" growing out of one's head. But this tree is only visible to higher level humanoids, who are, of course, far more advanced than mere humans.

I recently heard from another person who strongly believes his marriage is breaking up because of the influence of Access. Of course there is more than one side to this story, and I've only heard his side. But his tale is so similar to so many others I've heard, such as this one. All I can say is that if you're in an intimate relationship and your spouse, spousal equivalent, significant other -- or whatever you want to call him/her -- gets involved in Access, be prepared for your relationship to change in unexpected ways. You may not like it.

Someone else sent me a link to a radio show, one of many recorded exchanges between Gary Douglas and California Access facilitator Dr. Kacie Crisp. This show, recorded on January 19, 2011, mostly centered around Access' Right Body For You course. Among the highlights, Gary talked about a lady in Utah who shrunk from size 18 to size 6 after taking his body class, and another who went from 400 pounds to 220. Gary claimed that by listening to his body and playing Frisbee for one hour he went from a size 38 to size 36 waist, which he said isn't supposed to be possible. Humm....Frisbee... I wonder if that's a code. Gary also said that his body told him to drink (and eat, apparently) nothing but lemon juice and sugar, and after eight weeks, amazingly, the fat had melted off. "Seriously," wrote the friend who sent me the link, "that's like saying I entered Buchenwald and by some miracle...." 

The show goes on for about an hour, ending with the real come-on in which Gary says that "amazingly beautiful" women are flocking to Access. But, he notes, there haven't been that many guys, so Access is an opportunity for a few lucky guys to be the magnet they've always wanted to be [see PS below]. My friend had listened to the original and said it ended with some brief chatter about Gary sending sexually inappropriate content to Dr. Kacie, but that doesn't seem to be in the recording I heard, which is just as well because frankly, I don't want to think about it. (Besides, the whole concept of "inappropriate" seems inconsistent with Access' freewheeling anything-goes philosophy. "Inappropriate" is so judgmental, after all.) Anyhow, here's the link.

And here's something entertainingly creepy: an invitation from Steve "Magic Eyelids" Comer to participate in an Access Body Class. As with most Access classes, kids 16 and under can get in for free; ages 16-18 get in for half price. The rest of you will have to cough up $950, unless you want to take an Advanced Body Class facilitated by Gary Douglas, which will teach you "a unique set of new body processes that have been created in order to give your body a chance to go beyond the limitations of this reality," and will set you back $1350. Gary is going to be coming back to Houston to do that one on June 18, 2011, at a location to be announced.

Finally, here's an interesting comment that appears on the discussion forum I linked to above. The comment seems to be identical to one I recently declined to publish on my blog because I could not substantiate some of the more eye-raising points. But you're certainly welcome to read it and do further research yourself, if you wish. If nothing else, it adds a new level of meaning to Gary's teasing little invite to guys to join Access and become a "magnet." 

How does it get any sillier or creepier than this? I'm sure the Accessories will let us know.

PS added Sunday, March 6: For the benefit of those who haven't viewed this gem of a video yet, here are a couple of lovely examples of Accessory women, Rikka and Summer, who ganged up on a hapless young male and uploaded the results in October of 2008: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dwbbf5mmUoY

(Those weird hand gestures of Rikka's must be some of that top-seekrit hypnotic stuffs they teach you in Access.) And gals, don't feel left out. If you don't want some of that older man-love -- if Gary D leaves you cold -- Access has some younger bait for you too. Not only is there Steve "Hypnotic Eyelids" Comer (linked to above, but here's another one), but there's Gary's main sidekick, Dr. Dain Heer, aka The Bawdy Whisperer. And as I write this, it's not too late to make plans to attend Dr. Dain Heer's Energetic Synthesis of Being Taster Open Evening and Energetic Synthesis of Being Taster, both of which will also be at the Hotel Indigo. Your guess is as good as mine about what ESSB actually is; the description isn't very specific. But hey, it's only $275 for both events, and you'll get to be in the presence of that Dain Heer sexual magnetism. And remember, kids 16 and under fly free!

* * * * *

Now more than ever, your donation is needed
to help keep this Whirled spinning.
Click here to donate via PayPal or debit/credit card.
If that link doesn't work, send PayPal payment directly to
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Warning: Accessories on the loose in Houston!

Dear Ones, it is an exciting time for my former home town, the Bayou City of Houston, Texas, USA. Sex-and-money cult Access Consciousness is holding a Levels 2&3 class March 4-7 (it started this morning) at the Hotel Indigo* in Houston's posh Galleria/Uptown area. The class is being facilitated by Access founder Gary Douglas, who first got the scoop on Access via the late Russian madman Rasputin (here are the details), and who is, among many other things, a sex expert who shares seekrit wisdom about things such as "the seven fountains of orgasm." (Well, what would you expect from the founder of a sex cult?)

Here are the details about the Houston class: http://www.accessconsciousness.com/class_details.asp?cid=10212

When watching a video preview of the venue on YouTube, however, I noticed that the space in which the class is to be held is just a conference room rather than a large ballroom/meeting room. Perhaps they aren't expecting a very large attendance. Or maybe they just want to keep the atmosphere intimate. (A friend suggested that they probably couldn't hold the event anywhere near the kitchen because of the potential damage to the spoons; Accessories are notorious spoon and fork benders.)

In any case, here is that video preview of the venue, complete with gushing narration that sounds very close to baby talk. Golly, gee, look at the sunshine! Look at the light coming through the window! Look at the little private alcove! Goodness gracious, how does it get any better than this?

I'm sorry to tell you, though, that you won't be able to attend the Levels 2&3 class unless you have already attended some lower-level Access classes. The prerequisites are listed in the link in the second paragraph.

If you qualify, however, it's probably not too late to sign up for the Levels 2&3 class. It's only $1,800, unless you have taken the course within the past 12 months, in which case it is only $900. But you should know that, as is the case with most LGAT and selfish-help/New-Wage/McSpirituality events these days, if you attend you totally give up your right to privacy, and numerous other rights as well. Among other things, you have to sign an Audio/Video Release:

I acknowledge that Access Consciousness LLC may make video and/or audio recordings of the class, in which I will be a participant.

I hereby grant Access Consciousness LLC the right to use such video and/or audio recordings of my name, likeness and voice in any and all forms of media, now or hereinafter created, and in perpetuity, including, but not limited to, composite or edited forms, for Access Consciousness LLC, to distribute, sell and use in any manner, as Access Consciousness LLC may determine in its sole and absolute discretion. I hereby waive the right to inspect or approve any version(s), including the finished version(s), of such recordings, including written copy that may be created in connection therewith.

I have read this Release, fully understand its terms and understand that I may be giving up substantial rights, including my right to sue, and any and all rights to fees or compensation from the distribution, sale or use by Access Consciousness LLC or by its affiliates, subsidiaries, successors and assigns for any and all purposes.

I acknowledge that I am agreeing this Release freely and voluntarily and intend by my on-line registration at www.accessconsciousness.com for the Release to be a complete and unconditional release from and against all liability of Access Consciousness LLC to the greatest extent allowed by law.

Kind of like a James Arthur Ray event, except you probably won't die.

Now, if you can't make it to Houston, the class is being streamed live at numerous venues throughout the world. You still have to pay either $1,800 or $900 to watch it, but at least you won't have to fight Houston Galleria traffic, which is a nightmare.

By the way, because Access wants to start 'em young, kids 15 and under can get in for free, and ages 16-18 can get in for half price. But it might not be a very good idea to get your teens involved, especially if they're boys. Accessories are very randy people and...well, never mind. Just keep your kids away, okay?

I'll have more about Access over the weekend, all in the service of celebrating the presence of Accessories gone wild in the city I know and love. Meanwhile, if you're going to be in the Galleria area, why not pop into the Hotel Indigo and see if you can catch up to some Accessories? I might even be there myself. If you see a blue humanoid gal, come on up and say hello. I promise I won't try to lay any Bars on you or anything like that.

Related posts:

• How Accessories know that they're a more advanced species than the rest of us: ACCESS asks: Are you humanoid, or merely human?
• How Accessories plan to clean up ocean pollution with just their mighty minds (if only they can get hold of a boat): A little motion on the ocean
• How Access can destroy marriages (Sorry, but this one isn't as funny as most of my Access posts, though it does have a pretty picture): ACCESS: The incredible lightness of boinking

PS ~ If you want to see all of the other posts I've written about Access -- and there have been quite a few since I first wrote about it in 2007 (back when it was called Access Energy Transformation) -- you'll get more results by Googling "Access Whirled Musings" than by following one of the tags on this blog.
PPS ~ Since Access is now delivered in more than 25 countries, it may be coming soon to a city near you. Here's the 2011 schedule: http://www.accessconsciousness.com/schedule.asp

* I wonder if the Accessories chose the Hotel Indigo for the spiritual connotations of the name.

I Heart Access!

Happy Valentine's Day, Dear Ones. I can't believe this month is already halfway gone. It has been a busy few weeks. While some of my fellow critical bloggers are frying the really big fish such as Utah's corrupt Attorney General and boiler-room buddy, Mark Shurtleff, I'm still slumming around the New-Wage outposts taking potshots at some of the little fish. One of those little fishies is Access Consciousness, the (con) artists formerly known as Access Energy Transformation. Access is probably a far too easy target, but one I find irresistible, so I've blogged about them many times. They make my blogging job nearly effortless. And so, since I've been too distracted with Real Work again to do any Real Writing here at the moment, I thought I'd take a few moments to catch you up on some Access activities.

To begin with, it seems that Access has been creating quite a stir of late in my former and perhaps future home state of Colorado. A completely non-critical article about a dog-and-pony show put on by Access's ambassador of music and cleavage, Rikka Zimmerman, was published a couple of months ago in the Colorado State University Collegian.

Ten-year-old Kira Cookson bites her tongue, her will focused on the fork clutched between her tiny hands. Slowly, the metal twists to match her contorted face and Kira lets out a triumphant yelp, thrusting her fists into their [sic] air.

As the crowd turns to look, their grins grow to match her own, their eyes locked on the pair of forks –– bent like noodles –– she’s raised to the sky. The room erupts with cheers and applause.
Soon, the only person in the room with a wider smile than Kira is facilitator Rikka Zimmerman, and Zimmerman’s smile hasn’t faded a bit all night.

Kira isn’t the first of the group to bend a fork, but she’s far from last, so Zimmerman prods the crowd a little more. Let go of your judgments and limitations, she tells them. Be aware of the fork’s energy and bend it like Kira did...

Indeed, Access seems to be focusing a lot lately on sucking in the easily impressed by using cheap parlor tricks. If the cleavage or the magical eyelids don't get 'em, the cheap tricks will do it every time. Actually, fork-bending and wine transformation seem to be the only two tricks Accessories know, but they're getting as much mileage out of these as they can. They could also possibly be infringing on the Harry Potter® copyright but hey, I'm not an intellectual-property attorney. In any case, "Wizard's Parties" are the happening thing in Colorado right now.

Unofficial outposts of Harry Potter’s school Hogwarts have been springing up all over the state of Colorado, thanks to “Wizards’ Parties” created by Access Facilitator, Rikka Zimmerman.
Participants at the Colorado wizards’ parties actually leave saying, “Holy sh*t! That Harry Potter stuff is really possible!”
Cynthia Torp, who hosted a wizards’ party for 50 people in Ft. Collins, CO, found that the friends she invited called her the next day and said, “Oh my gosh, everything’s different in my life today!”

Memo to my friends Duff McDuffee, Steven Sashen, and Chris Locke: I know y'all are in Boulder, but could one or more of you go slap some sense into Fort Collins?

Accessories are leaving no stone unturned when it comes to exploitation of current themes. The media have been making a big fuss about Ronald Reagan in the wake of his 100th birthday and his son's new book. Not to be outdone, Access has come forth with the implication that their famous "Bars" trick can prevent Alzheimer's and, possibly, incontinence.

Nothing is as vital to the enjoyment of your later years and your quality of life than [sic] the three pounds of gray matter between your ears. Yes, your brain.
This was dramatically illustrated by the state of Ronald Reagan, once considered one of the most powerful men in the world, who was reduced to lying in bed wearing diapers before his death from Alzheimer’s disease, the disease that perhaps best demonstrates how essential the brain is to quality of life...

And it goes on about how the Bars can save your brain. I'm just waiting for Access to take credit for that whole Egyptian Revolution thing.
Finally, just in time for Valentines Day, we have some truly garbled thoughts on relationships and the law of attraction, presented by...well, I'm not sure who authored this first example. The title of the blog post is "Excerpts from the Divorceless Relationship A Book By Gary M. Douglas and Dr. Dain Heer." But the URL indicates that the book was written by someone named Jan Silk: http://access-consciousness-blog.com/2011/01/excerpts-from-the-divorceless-relationship-a-book-by-jan-silk/. And even though Jan Silk is not mentioned in the body of the blog post, "Jan Silk" is one of the tags at the end.

Well, who the heck is Jan silk? She's an Access facilitator in Kiwi Land, apparently. But I can't find an actual listing for a book called The Divorceless Relationship by either Gary Douglas and Dain Heer or Jan Silk.
Anyhow, according to this article, the Law of Attraction is actually the Law of Contraction, because when you use it to attract something that you want to do, be, or have, you're actually thinking of yourself as not presently doing, being, or having what you're trying to attract, which only keeps you stuck in your limited little life. At least I think that is what the writer(s) is/are trying to say:

...So when you have the point of view you that you have to attract something to you so you can be it or have it, you always have to make sure that you are not what you are trying to attract.
This is the chink in the armor of the law of attraction. What you will do is you will attract to you those things that create a smaller life, rather than a larger life, even when you believe you are trying to attract a larger life. This is why the law of attraction, instead of creating expansion, creates a contraction.

Isn’t it amazing how brilliant we are at creating the most convoluted methods to control and diminish our lives? This is one of the ways you make sure you never get to be more than 10% of you.

There's more cutting-edge information to digest: Apparently the people we are usually attracted to diminish us.

Have you ever noticed that you are attracted to people that are usually less than you? Why is it that somebody who is less than you is attractive to you but somebody who is more than you is not attractive?

It goes on...

When you take on fixed points of view about relationship, the real difficulty is that you don’t function from choice anymore. You try to put relationship into the box of what it’s supposed to be rather than asking what do I really want to choose for me?

If you did relationship from the question of “Will this give me more of the joy and value of me?” that alone would change your life. Whether its [sic] copulation or relationship or both, if you were to look for it to create the joy and the value of you; how different would that be from what you have been looking for so far?

And then, a little later...

What if you could move beyond where anybody else was capable of living? Would that be of interest to you? Would that be more fun than what you are currently doing? Would that be more fun than anybody else is having? You would never know what was going to come next, which means you would never be bored again.
Would that be exciting? Or have you bought the lie that that it would be fearful for you to not know what the next moment brings? What about the joy of living? What is more fun? Having sex with the same person over and over again in the same way, or trying new ways and new people?

Of course Access, with its strong belief in sexual experimentation with as many people as possible, is truly a strong foundation for great relationships. Just ask someone such as "Stephen," whose story I told here a couple of years ago.

I should note that Accessories seem to have a love-hate...um...relationship with the very idea of relationships. Or with "relationship" as they call it, following the New-Wage-therapist convention that implies "relationship" is a defined state of being, kind of like coma or torpor. A few years ago Access' founder Gary Douglas and his sidekick Dain Heer published a "book" whose title sums up the Access philosophy on relationships: Sex Is Not a Four-Letter Word but Relationship Often Times Is. I've mentioned it here before. To date the work has eight reader reviews on Amazon; all but one are five-star raves. The other person, who gave it a mere two stars, said she had bought the book as a result of reading the raves, but that it was poorly written and pretty expensive for only being 65 pages long.

A California Access facilitator and psychologist named Dr. Kacie Crisp has her own Access-tainted ideas about relationship, which in this blog post she seems to be implying is a bad thing.

Did you know that relationship by definition is the distance between two objects, like the distance between the earth and the moon? If you’re in a relationship with another person, you have to continually create and maintain that distance! Is that what you’re really looking for?

There is an alternative: one word for it is communion. Communion is not the little white cookie they give you in church. Well, it can be that but it’s also much more than that. It’s a being oneness with everyone and everything, where there is no need to make boundaries or separations of any kind.

When you walk in the woods or on the beach, you know how expanded you feel? Like there’s more space between your molecules? And you don’t have to keep score about how much oxygen the trees give you or how much CO2 they take from you? And there’s no judgment of the leaves being wrong or the wrong color or anything else?

What if you could have that feeling in relationship with everything, not just when you walk in the woods? THAT is my target in facilitating people about relationships–to invite people to that place.

While in that post Dr. Crisp seems to be suggesting that "healthy relationship" is an oxymoron, in her very next blog post she appears to contradict herself.

“He feels he has to have a girlfriend or he’s not all right as a person,” was my son’s reply. How many people much older than my son or his friend have that point of view? How much freedom does that allow you? Hanging around with people who have that point of view can easily invite yourself into a stalker situation if you do cut your ties with the person. That can be a chilling thought…..

Even if it doesn’t go into stalker-dom, how can a healthy relationship ever develop from this point of view? Can anyone come from anything but a sense of desperation if they feel they HAVE to have a partner to be complete?

Whew. I just can't keep up with the whirling thoughts on that blog. In any event it seems that with Access, relationship is almost never about the other person. Instead it's all about me, me, me. (You would think that as an insufferable narcissist I would find this appealing; I don't know what's wrong with me.) 

But enough about that already. There's more great news on the sex and romance front: sex can be as meaningless as a game of Frisbee!

What if sex didn’t mean anything?
How could the subject that sets people a twittering and guffawing faster than any other not mean anything?
It all depends on what you mean by meaning, according to Gary Douglas, best selling author and founder of Access Consciousness.

Gary Douglas, by the way, is a noted expert on word meanings. Or perhaps he is not; I suppose it all depends upon what you mean by "is." Here's more:

What would sex look like if it had no meaning? For one thing, there would be no relationship expectations attached to it. Having sex could be as casual and non-entangling as a casual game of Frisbee-and with no greater expectations of a phone call in the morning....Sex without significance would be sex without caring if you played Frisbee with that particular person or group ever again. Don’t you have full confidence that you could always find somebody to play Frisbee with if that’s what you really most desired to do at any given time? And if the people you played Frisbee with yesterday play with someone else today, is that a problem for you?

Um... it might be a problem if you could get STDs from Frisbees, or if playing Frisbee had sex's potential to affect your mind, body, and emotions. Oops, there I go, thinking like a human again, as opposed to a humanoid.
I know I've given you a lot to think about, Dear Ones, perhaps too much. So let me leave you with some very bad music inspired by Access and their Ocean 300 project. Here's the link: http://www.ocean300.com/Articles-Info/love-this-planet-earth-by-delany-delaney.html

Give it a listen, and then go out and...um...play Frisbee with your Valentine. Even if you do feel that he or she is less than you, or is not truly giving you the joy and value of you.

* * * * *

Now more than ever, your donation is needed
to help keep this Whirled spinning.
Click here to donate via PayPal or debit/credit card.
If that link doesn't work, send PayPal payment directly to
scrivener66@hotmail.com
or to cosmic.connie@juno.com
If PayPal, be sure to specify that your contribution is a gift. Thank you!

Now Heer this: Top ACCESSory woos Oprah!

Note: I've added a few snippets to this post since I first published it on June 24.
~CC, 26 June 2010

I am so excited to let you guys know that I'm auditioning to have my own show on the Oprah Winfrey Network...would you be willing to vote online for me? You can vote as many times as they like and you can also vote every day! How does it get better than this?!?! I am so grateful to be doing this...here's the link, check it out...what change can we create in the world? What are the infinite possibilities?
~Access Consciousness co-leader Dain Heer to his online fans

to all: dain is a dreamer......truly in the catagory of a john lennon.......and like lennon puts his dreams on the line i.e. allows himself to be vulnerable to the world.....to be transformed by the world. And as a result, we, the people who get the chance to meet him become transformed. Dain is all about showing us how to live in oneness......how to be in communion with ourselves.......and with each other, with nature and the planet......by allowing this man to have ACCESS to his own television show might be a dangerous thing.....dangerous to people who resist change......dangerous to the status quo and global elite..... a dain heer show will be like watching a tsunami of consciousness waving people to open up to their own true nature living life more fully, less afraid, less violent to themselves, to others.......more loving of themselves and others....more happy, more joyful. have you ever wondered how different the world might be if john lennon were still alive? let dain show the people how being them can change the world....
~ Posted by a fan on Dain Heer's Oprah audition page, 6/20/10

As many of you surely know, the Big O, king- and queen-maker extraordinaire, is holding a huge contest to find the next major TV star for her Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN). The come-on page says:

DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES?
Oprah and reality TV super producer Mark Burnett (Survivor^TM & The Apprentice^TM) are joining forces in search of the next big TV star. Do you have a big personality and a big dream for yourself? This could be your BIG BREAK - the chance of a lifetime to host your own TALK show...on OWN. If you think you have "IT" - upload your video audition or go to an open casting call. You can also help decide who wins - keep coming back right here to view auditions and vote for your favorites.

And the people have come, by the thousands and thousands. Many have sent in video auditions and many others are flocking to the open casting calls held at various Kohl's department stores (co-sponsors of the contest). 

Among those vying for the type of Big Break that only Oprah can deliver is Dr. Dain Heer, second in command at Access Consciousness, the cultish sex and money org I wrote about most recently on my June 12 post (and have written about numerous other times, a couple of the more recent examples being here and here).

Dain is auditioning for an O-show under the category of "Health & Wellbeing." When I checked his audition page just a few moments ago, he had 7,862 views and 30, 489 votes (there were 27,251 votes when I checked earlier today). That might seem like a lot till you compare it to the top contenders, such as a wheelchair-bound "lady magnet" named Zach who is trying out for the "Wildcard" category and currently has well over a million views and more than 7.8 million votes. In Dain's own category of Health & Wellbeing there's Jacqueline, with nearly 1.2 million views and more than four million votes. (Apparently some people really are voting early and often.)*

Here is Dain's audition page link. And here's his profile page.

And below are some things you probably won't read on his audition page or his profile page.


Access as a sex and money machine
In the more than three years that I have been blogging about Access, I've heard from numerous people who have had firsthand experience with Access or are close to people who are members. Some of the former were involved with the organization for several years. One who claimed to have once been "hooked," to the tune of several thousand dollars a year, recently shared some interesting insights, which I have been given permission to quote here. This person wrote, "I was a participant for some years until I realized how much of a drain Access was on my bank account, and [I became aware of] the structure in place that keeps bleeding your wallet." The writer continued:

You'll see in the body of [an ACCESS sales pitch this person forwarded to me] (that) it says HDIGABTT? That stands for "How does it get any better than that'? which is one of the 'tools' taught in Access where you ask for better and to be open to receive more.
[I know I linked to this in my previous post but it's worth linking to again; it's a short vid of Access founder Gary Douglas giving an example of how this "tool" supposedly works. ~CC]
One of the main 'thrusts' (excuse the pun) in the sex related classes was to honor your body. Concluding that if you are married or in a relationship and you NEED to have sex with someone else to honor yourself - then it was OK (just don't go about hurting the other by 'airing' your laundry!) [In other words, sneak around. Jeez, THAT'S an original idea. ~ CC] This concept and teaching had great impact on class participants feeling freer about having sex and having sex outside their relationships. There was good information too - like having no judgments about your partner and your partner's body and having no expectations on your partner. Giving up the give and take in sex (your turn my turn, you did this so now I have to do that) and create more of exchange in gifting touch and affection etc.

Regarding Dain Heer, this person wrote, "Women of all ages are somehow infatuated with him... He has a sexual draw and most want the experience of getting into bed with him." And this, from a subsequent email: "It was my observation that without Dain the classes would be smaller. I saw him as the attractant that kept many woman and some men continuing to sign up for more classes and participanting. (Yes, partici-pant-ing!)"
Ugh. Count me out.

Dain has apparently become quite the sexpert, expanding his shtick beyond the Access community. In this podcast on Dr. Patti Taylor's Expanded Lovemaking site, Dain waxed profound on how one can have more sex, orgasms, fun and money in one's life. "Just listening to Dain will wake up your senses!" enthused Dr. Taylor. Among other things, Dain 'splains how you can increase the chances that you'll get to boink a person who has caught your eye. You need to be very specific about your intentions:

What I’d like to do is I’d actually like to copulate with this person, then you have more of a chance of creating it because you’re not saying you want to have sex with them, which is I want to have this interaction of this really cool energy, you’re saying, “I’d like to put our body parts together.” And when you’re clear on what you ask for, then you can receive it. Which is another part of today’s show which we’ll get to later.

You really owe it to yourself to follow the link above. And don't worry; you don't have to actually listen to the podcast. A transcript is conveniently provided on the page. 

But Access is not just a vehicle to get Dain laid (oops, I mean, to enable him to rub his body parts together with wimmen all over the world). It is also, apparently, a burgeoning money machine, at least for Dr. Dain and Gary Douglas. I'll let my correspondent have the floor (or the screen) again:

Access has classes (very expensive classes). You start with Foundation (with any licensed facilitator $600) and then you are eligible to take Level 1 with any licensed facilitator for another $600. This makes you eligible to take levels 2 & 3 for $1,800, taught exclusively by Gary Douglas and/or Dain Heer. I believe Dain Heer is the only person in the 10 years I know of that has been allowed to teach a level 2/3 class. If you repeat any class with 18 months you pay 1/2 price. If you don't attend any for 18 months you must pay full price again and must start from Foundation again. It used to be that all repeat classes were 1/2 price after you took one of each. When the new ruling of the 18 months was put into place - I finally saw the money grubbing structure and the underlining money machine behind all this. Add to that any one-on-one sessions with the top guru and/or Dain costing about $250/hr then. They could be charging $400/hr now -- I don't know.
Oops ...and if Gary re-does (updates) Foundation - then it's mandatory you take the new version or you can't qualify be a facilitator teaching it.
Facilitators teach the course for $600 and get to keep it all (last I knew)
There's a drive to have you become a facilitator - make money - bring fresh people into the Access club and they invariably move on to spend all the rest of their money with Gary and Dain. Now... maybe Steve Comer too. (an attractive -attractant-new guy who hit tops ranks real quick and does body work)... [See the second footnote for more on Steve Comer. ~CC]
Once you have taken each of these basic classes WITHIN 18 months - a $3000 investment in class work ( you are now eligible to be INVITED to the 7 day intensive in Costa Rica, costing $2950 plus your cost of airfare. Everyone wants to go to Costa Rica. It's talked about all year long and it drives you to complete the course work so you can be invited.
To become a facilitator - you have to take each class twice ($6000 in costs) and then pay $3200 for the facilitator course plus your airfare to Costa Rica.
I suspect by now -- that Access has grown -- that Gary and Dain must be raking in huge chunks of money. Nothing wrong with making oodles of money - but they are not saying much that isn't already out there in some form or another since the days of Jesus, certainly since the turn of the last century.
And we get hooked...

In a subsequent email my correspondent wrote:

When you become a facilitator you are given a certificate. You might notice that the letters CFMW follow facilitators' names. It stands for CERTIFIED F-----G MIRACLE WORKER. You must re-take facilitator class EVERY year to keep up your license (another part of that money machine).

Wow. CFMW. That is almost as impressive as a faux-doctorate. Needless to say, Dr. Dain's impressive credentials include CFMW. A quick glance at the facilitators page on the Access site reveals that there are currently nearly 100 certified Access facilitators, not counting Dain and Gary, who presumably don't have to pay the yearly $3,200 fee to maintain their loon credentials (not $600.00, as I had previously written). Some listings show couples, and I'm assuming that each individual has to pay the fee, but I don't know. Conservatively, Access brings in $320,000 a year just in facilitator fees.

You also have to pay to get your listing on the Access web site. Currently Access Practitioners and Bars Facilitators pay $200 a year, while those f-----g miracle workers, the Certified Practitioners, must cough up $300 annually. "Oh, but Cosmic Connie," you might be saying, "that's pretty cheap, considering that you not only get a listing on the main facilitators page, but you also get an entire profile page to yourself. That's an ad that will be seen by people all over the planet!" Considering the probable odds against someone other than Gary and Dain actually being able to make a decent income as an Access facilitator, though (more about that below), I'd say that's a pretty expensive ad for many folks.

Of course, compared to the likes of James "Death" Ray, the figures listed above aren't so extravagant. I suppose it's too bad for Gary and Dain that they didn't get on the Secret gravy train so they could jack up their prices like crazy, the way James did. Still, the money you have to put out for a full complement of Access classes is no trivial amount for most people. And if Dain is successful in his Oprah bid and his show becomes a hit, look for the prices to get jacked up even more. Numbers aside, Access apparently uses the standard New-Wage business model of getting people hooked enough to sign up for an endless series of classes and events. My correspondent wrote:

...There were many hooks used by both Gary and Dain. Gary was obvious and shameless about his manipulations. We were often asked by Gary, Dain and other Accessories, "You want to be clear of your issues about sex and money - don't you? You need to be able to receive!!! [You] need to keep coming to classes to clear the blocks of receiving or you can't receive that promotion, more money, love in your life and great sex, etc."
What...conscious seeking person wouldn't want to take as many classes as possible to clear out all the energies, programs, systems, implants, explants, hidden secret agendas, etc. that are in the way of them having a great and glorious life with lots of money, extended orgasms, lots of good sex, etc. "Gee... if you don't come to class it must be that you are unconscious and don't want change to have a better life. You must be choosing the shit for life you have now."
Another hook was the clearing statements. Gary originally and then Gary & Dain together would come up with what they said were new more powerful clearing statements -- all the time. So if you missed classes or workshops you didn't get the 'clearings' from these new and great clearing statements and you didn't have them to process yourself with or process your clients (if you had any).
While I was participating I observed many accessories try to make a 'go' of doing Access facilitation to create income. Most could not and no facilitator was raking in the money like Dain.**

Now, if you don't want to invest in an endless series of classes, you can still be a part of the gang, via the Access Consciousness Membership club. There's a silver level ($57 a month) and a gold level ($97 a month), billed automatically to your credit card. As another one of my favorite correspondents sarcastically noted when sending me the Membership Club link, "But I just want you to know it was really, really hard for the humanoids to price the silver and gold club because their basic nature is to just gift it away." Again, these prices are quite modest when you compare them to those in the top tier of the industry. James Ray's World Wealth Society, for example, cost $60,000 a year. Still, modest or not, the membership fees do potentially add up to a tidy sum for a couple of folks, anyway.

Want some proof that Access "works?" Oh, you skeptic, you. Just look at this giddy testimonial from "Susanna M," currently featured in the "Testimonials" section at the bottom of the page on the Access web site:

I now also acknowledge the genious [sic] I am for choosing the parents that i have choosen [sic]. They treat me like a princess and give me everything. They treat me like royalty when I visit them and now I receive it and am not jugding [sic] me anymore for receiving everything and still asking for more and especially asking for a different living than they have choosen [sic]:-) I realized how amazing I am ... Thank you Gary Douglas for you, the genious [sic] you are, the gift and all you are willing to be and contribute. You changed me, my life, my parents, my family and just about everything And i have to add the question, "What else is possible?" what more magic is possible? what invitation to something greater and different can i be? I have only just started ... :-) Many, many kisses and hugs to you beautiful being!!

Other folks aren't so enchanted. A few days ago I received an email from yet another correspondent who graciously gave me permission to quote at length.

Someone just sent me a link to your writings about Access…..very interesting….i got involved, took the classes about five months ago, and have decided to no longer participate….some of it is useful….wise to be heftily discerning though….they actively teach how to pull others’ energy and how to put thoughts in other people’s heads….they do this to fill their classes and to get the responses they want….many involved in Access have no idea this is being done to them….i had a number of experiences that shocked and disturbed me….a particular teacher of Access was “running my bars” and I began to get these thoughts of writing her a check for $1200.00 and I felt almost compelled to do so….only problem was that I didn’t own any checks and never wrote checks….i use cash or debit so why was I having this strange and strong urge to write such a check?….that was a big clue and was my saving grace….i realized something was going on….imagine my incredible irritation when I went to the next class and in the manual is a section titled “putting thoughts in other people’s heads”….no kidding!....it actually goes on to explain how to do this using “I” as in “I want to take your Access class”, as opposed to “you” or “you want to take my Access class”, so the other person will think it is really their thought….this is a real example from the class manual!
....in class they talked about doing this with sex also….putting the thought “I want to have sex with him/her” in someone else’s head….most of the people going to the classes have no idea of the extent to which they are being manipulated….their energy is being greatly pulled….i have seen a number of people have seemingly amazing change while they are “targeted” by Access, usually to open a new pasture to market and use, only to see them fall flat when that field has been plowed and Access moves onto another untapped population….that happened to me when they wanted me to take Access into my professional field….i got phone calls and my energy was being pulled for this….i was getting that “compelled” feeling….but I realized I personally wasn’t interested in doing that and I didn’t go for it….i could tell exactly when they moved on….the energy was gone, there was no more pull, there was no more being “compelled”, and no more “friendly” phone calls….thank goodness!....i shudder to think what i might have done if i hadn’t realized it wasn’t me wanting all of that to happen!....and to them, this is Consciousness….to me, it’s very sad…
they are now making a big bid for dain to have his own show thru Oprah’s current contest….if his entry wins and he gets his own show, it should air with some sort of advisory warning!!

Whether or not one believes that people really can exercise the type of thought control that this correspondent wrote about, surely it is worthy of note that it is apparently one of the "skills" taught in Access classes. People in Access are taught to develop "Consciousness" and total awareness (which, presumably, will them to have more control over their own lives and happiness). At the same time, they're taught methods to control other people's thoughts and actions. Shades of those New-Wage hustledorks who sell you products and workshops that will show you how to be truly "awakened" and in charge of your life, and yet also hawk information that will supposedly help you control other people so they will go into mad buying trances and fork over all their money and otherwise do your bidding. I'm just sayin'...

In a subsequent email the correspondent I quoted above wrote:

...there is a whole lot of money being made thru Access. there always, always, always seems to be another latest, greatest, newly discovered process or some such. an example: i just received a postcard today stating "When Gary revised Foundation and Level 1, they accelerated into resembling how Levels 2 & 3 used to be. Now Levels 2 & 3 go beyond where Costa Rica used to go! Wouldn't you love to know what's possible now?" (Costa Rica is like their "ultimate" gathering and you supposedly have to be "invited" to attend)...anyone considering participating should be aware: use for entertainment purposes only, if that. it's quite a twirl-o-whirl and, of course, you have to keep going to get the latest and greatest. i noticed right off the bat that everyone involved sounded exactly alike. they all say the same thing, over and over. i remember thinking, "gosh, i don't ever want to sound like them". i'm really glad i got a good inside peek into what is really happening and i'm really glad it's not happening to me. there are so many people who are quite involved and yet have no idea what's actually occurring.
colorado is the current hot spot of growth, as well as sweden and even turkey. as far as the money aspect goes....i don't have a problem with anyone making money for themselves. i do have a problem when you're actively pulling my energy and putting thoughts into my head to do so, all the while calling it "Consciousness". i don't want that done to me and i don't want to do that to others. and if you're going to do all that, you'd better make sure you're conscious and skilled enough to not let me catch you at it! as for my [previous] example: if you need/want $1200.00, just ask me for it. maybe i'll say yes, maybe i'll say no. perhaps i'll give a bit. but it's pretty low to try to twist my head instead of being straightforward and, well, conscious! sometimes those who claim to be so evolved are, sadly, not.

Some of you might be thinking that all of this is NBD. After all, as selfish-help orgs go, Access is still pretty small potatoes, just another standard Scientology ripoff with a bit of est, a smidgen of hippie mores, and a few proprietary quirks thrown in for good measure. And so what if a few slimy guys and zaftig gals are getting laid because of it? Access is barely a blip on the New-Wage radar. Yet for some reason I just keep on blogging about it. Good Goddess, it's almost as if some of the Accessories are putting the thoughts in my head, making me write these words...

What I continue to find so snarkworthy about Access is that it seems to turn people into giddy, giggly, childlike beings who have the attention span, as well as the thinking skills, of gnats. Not that either point matters much to Accessories, as thinking is frowned on in Access, and people are encouraged to live in "10-second increments." In any case, many Accessories seem to be pretty honest about Access being weird and wacky, but truly, that is a badge of honor to them. And unlike many in New-Wage culture, if you accuse Access members of "magical thinking," they're likely to take it as a compliment rather than the criticism it is intended to be. Accessories proudly embrace "magic," and Dr. Dain is gearing up for a worldwide teleconference on that very subject. 

Getting away from the merely snarkworthy, what I find more disturbing is that Access seems to transform folks into irresponsible, sexually promiscuous, morally ambiguous beings whose highest calling seems to be to throw more money at Gary Douglas and Dain Heer (and apparently, in many cases, to hurl their bodies at the latter as well). I can well imagine the utter frustration of trying to do business with someone who is heavily into Access's "teachings" (and yes, I've heard stories), even as I can imagine the pain of loving someone who abandons a twenty-year marriage to go off in search of brainless bliss via the "All-Life-Comes-to-Me-With-Ease-Joy-and-Glory" Express (and I've heard several sad stories about that too, some of which I haven't shared here). More and more folks are coming forward with their own tales of Access-related havoc. Still, the Accessory population must be pretty small overall, because so far, I seem to be about the only person blogging critically about them. 

But let's get back to tomorrow's big TV star, Dr. Dain. My formerly-hooked-on-Access correspondent wrote:

During classes and workshops (that Dain did not lead) he, Dain, would be in the back of the room doing private sessions all day long. Gary would plug Dain's healing abilities and awarenesses stating how much greater he had become in a short time. People flocked to get Dain's body work (the men too). If Gary didn't plug Dain so much in the early years - I wonder if he would be where he is now.
...Without Gary, the Access machine, Gary's mentoring (whatever that included) and Gary's plugs, Dain might [still] be a broke depressed suicidal chiropractor in the outskirts of Santa Barbara.

Indeed, as I wrote about Dain in my February 1 post:

He has described himself as being pretty much an unhappy loser before he discovered ACCESS, but just look at him now. Dr. Dain seems to have truly become a sex starlet in the New-Wage industry. And it's not just the young ones like Summer and Rikka who are enchanted; apparently gals of all ages love him and his body workshops.

He's come a long way, baby. And he and Gary are continuing to infest more mainstream media. They are scheduled to appear on the Lifetime TV show, The Balancing Act, on Wednesday, June 30 (7:00-8:00 AM ET/PT) . They'll be promoting their book, Right Riches for You. Gary and Dain, gushes the bubbly blond host, will tell you how to get your money to work for you instead of you working for your money. But, as one of of my correspondents remarked, "Perhaps the book they are promoting should be titled Right Riches for Us or Right Riches for Gary & Dain instead of Right Riches for You."

So, tell us, Oprah, do ya think Dain has what it takes to become your next big TV star?

PS ~ Since we're on the topic of Access looniness, I figured some of you might be interested in something I found out about the Rasputin mystery. What really "happened" with Rasputin and Access? Once upon a time, Gary Douglas claimed that he initially “received” Access from a being of light called Novian, via the very late and very infamous Russian mystic. Today, however, you don't see Grigori R mentioned anywhere on the Access sites. Gary himself, in a comment he wrote to one of my Access posts, wrote that “Rasputin went away five years ago.” But I wanted to know the real story (and keep in mind that I use the word "real" with serious reservations). So I asked my formerly-hooked correspondent, who replied:

One day in class (some years ago already) Gary simply said he won't be channeling Rasputin anymore. He didn't get into the 'why' of it. He used to end the Level 2/3 classes with a Rasputin channeling, where participants asked Rasputin questions. I don't know if Gary has dropped Raz (as he called him) from the origins history... As I look over the current websites (accessbeing.com, access4oneness.com, accessconsciousness.com) there is no mention of the Raz origins. In fact their offical website was www.accessraz.com - which 'is' no more. It's possible Raz is mentioned in some of my old Access printed materials. Certainly I have Gary channeling Raz on some of the hundreds of CD's I have.

Of course this still raises the question of just why Raz split. Did he break it off, or did Gary? Was Raz jealous of Dain? Was Dain jealous of Raz? My correspondent later wrote, "I came across a few pages of text that laid out the Access beginnings and Raz." I'll share those juicy details in my next Access post, so stay tuned.

In any case, don't be so sure that all of the Raz-matazz will be a deterrent in the Oprah competition. After all, Oprah apparently adores Esther and Jerry Hicks, who have pulled off that whole imaginary-friends thing for so many years.

PPS added later ~ Alas, Gary failed in his Oprah bid. But NBD: Access continues unabated. And here's the link to the real story about Gary Douglas and Raz.

*Even so, Dain is doing considerably better, viewership-wise and voter-wise, than some of the newer entrants in the Big O contest, such as ventriloquist Bonita Joy Yoder and her wooden sidekick and even more wooden "guest," a New-Wage nature gal who yammers about energy and vortexes. (Memo to Bonita: I don't know much about ventriloquism, but I believe that to make the illusion work you are supposed to disguise the arm action as well as your lip movements.)
** Some think that failed med student Steve Comer, the man with the strategic eyelids, may be the next Dain Heer. Steve, who, naturally, teaches "Body Classes" and does "body work," does have that certain smarmy sumpin' sumpin' about him. So in the unlikely event that Dain gets swept away to the Land of O and gets too big for his Access britches, perhaps Steve can slither right into Dr. D's spot at the right hand of Gary the Father Almighty.

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