Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Friday, April 27, 2007

Couples therapy

April 27 is a very special day for me. Not only was it my late paternal grandparents’ wedding anniversary, but it is also my AA "birthday," or "clean day," as some call it (though I should note that I haven’t been to an AA meeting in years)…and it so happens to be the nine-month anniversary of Whirled Musings. Yep, WM entered the blogosphere on July 27, 2006, and has been whirling around madly ever since. So I am going to celebrate this very special day by blogging, thinking about my grandparents, and then going out and getting plastered. Ha, ha, not really. I’m going to celebrate today by doing something a little different: holding a New-Wage popularity vote. And what you’re going to be voting on, if you so choose, is your favorite Mystical Couple, or MystiCouple.

I think you know the kind of couple I’m talking about. If you don’t, click on the links below and you’ll quickly get up to speed. I was guided to sponsor this vote by a group of disembodied beings known collectively as Abr… no, wait…I was inspired to sponsor this vote because lately I’ve been getting spam emails from several of the hardest working MystiCouples in the New-Wage world. These are couples who are truly making a difference in the lives of others by unburdening them of bothersome things such as money. I think it’s a beautiful thing when two people can strengthen their union and help make the world a better place by scamming spreading their wisdom to others.

Voting in this contest is very simple; just send a comment naming your favorite MystiCouple. Pick from the couples listed below, or if you wish, write-ins are acceptable as well. And by all means, feel free to elaborate on the reasons for your choice. (Do take the time to follow the links to the videos, music clips, etc. so you can truly get a feel for the work of these MystiCouples.)

But do yourself a favor, and try NOT to imagine these couples having sex.*

Allrighty then… Vote early, vote often, and have fun!

Sri and Kira: from Atlantis to New Mexico
You’ve met this happy couple here before. "Wisdom Teacher" Sri Ram Kaa and "Angelic Oracle" Kira Raa actually have been called "The Mystical Couple Of Our Time" by the Albuquerque Journal. (But that doesn’t mean they’re the only MystiCouple, or even the best one, so don’t let that influence your vote.) Together they run The Temple Of Self-Ascension (TOSA), kind of a combination education center and ranch that comes complete with free-range aging hippies and a few llamas (or perhaps they are actually Ascended Masters who have chosen to assume the llama form for this Earthly incarnation).

Kira is the Myssus of this couple, and she’s been dubbed the Angelic Oracle because apparently she went into convulsions one day and started channeling messages from the Archangel Zadkiel. I’ve learned all sorts of fascinating things from Kira and Sri. For instance, did you know that The Lost Continent of Atlantis apparently had Internet access? Kira and Sri originally got together on Atlantis, yet on a recent video they said they met on the Internet. Wow. You just can’t find information like this anywhere else.

Sri and Kira hold lots of gatherings, celebrations and whatnot on their TOSA digs in New Mexico. A fairly recent event of note was the consecration of an 18-foot "Merkabah of Self-Ascension" in September of 2006.

Here’s a video that will give you a good overview of what this MystiCouple is all about. Prepare to be deeply touched.

RA-Ja and Moi-RA Dove: keepers of the Temple of Knowledge
You might call them the Harold and Maude of the New Wage, if you can imagine Harold not as a gawky young man but as an aging hippie who did WAY too much LSD a few decades ago. The Mysster in this couple – RA-Ja "Merk" Dove – is no spring chicken by any means, but I would imagine that the Myssus – octogenarian Moi-RA "Lady Of The Sun" Dove – has him beat by a few years. I blogged about this odd couple a few months back. Collectively known as the StarDoves, Moi-RA, left, and RA-Ja, right, spend their days accessing beings from other dementias… er… make that dimensions… to help bring about a new era for humankind. They travel the US of A in a Winnebago, spreading enlightenment wherever they go and doing the New-Wage equivalent of shopping mall openings, e.g., presiding over stargate openings and the like.

This MystiCouple consider themselves the "Ground Crew Instructors" for their Aquarian Temple of Knowledge, which, they explain, "is overseen by a Host of Goodly Extra Terrestrial Savants and Ascended Masters from other planets and dimensions." They offer two courses: "One especially for Star People and the other on Healing."

They also provide numerous services, of which they say the most popular and longest-enduring is "the bestowal of the Star Name." For a price ranging from $77.00 to $100.00, depending upon whether the service is performed by snail-mail or email, telephone, or in person, the StarDoves will "place your soul essence beneath our Cheops pyramid and use Aquarian Star Gematria to render your star name from your star soul. The Akashic Record is consulted. Tremendous empowerment accompanies your new star name!"

Here is a video of Mysster Dove, decked out in full Pharaoh regalia, speaking at a stargate opening in Florida. Joy to the world!

Gabriel of Urantia (née Sedona) and Niann Emerson Chase: much misunderstood

Here’s a couple who has been fighting negative press for years, and yet their New-Wage organization, The Global Community Communications Alliance, seems to be stronger than ever. The artist formerly known as Gabriel of Sedona, who now calls himself Gabriel of Urantia, lives with his common-law wife Niann and countless minions on their compound, The Aquarian Concepts Community, in magical mystical Sedona, Arizona. Through their Global Community Communications Alliance they provide a broad range of services, from education to counseling to guided tourism to real estate sales. Most of all they humbly exist to be of service to humanity. Gabriel, the Mysster in this couple, has been quoted as saying, "Everything I do is justified. I am the mandated ruler of the world."**

And Gabriel is much more than a savior of humankind and ruler of the world; he is also a musician of some note*** who has invented a brand new genre he calls CosmoPop. It’s not just New Age music; though it does bring to mind Chris Locke’s comment on same, CosmoPop is ever so much more. As lead vocalist in a band called Gabriel of Urantia and his Bright and Morning Star Band, Gabe sounds somewhat like I imagine Neil Young would if Young were totally incapable of carrying a tune and had been kicked in the balls and then run over by a Mack truck. He (Gabe, that is, not Neil) is backed by some decent musicians, as well as a couple of shiny happy NAGs (New Age Gals) – Dawn to his Tony Orlando – with radiant faces but slightly sour voices. Or maybe it’s just my sound card. Anyway, you definitely owe it to yourself to preview Gabriel of Urantia and his Bright and Morning Star Band. Treat yourself to each and every one of the song clips; in particular, do not miss "Wake Up America."

And then take a look at this video clip, in which the Mysster and Myssus defend themselves and their organization against their detractors.

Jerry and Esther Hicks: the secrets behind The Secret
On first glance, it might seem that Jerry and Esther, the George and Gracie of the New-Wage world, don’t really belong here. To begin with, unlike most of the folks mentioned above, they don’t look as if they haven’t bought a new wardrobe or hairdo since 1969. They’re actually pretty ordinary looking. And if you count their imaginary buds The Abe Gang, they add up to more than a couple. But since we normally can’t see The Abes, I maintain that Jerry and Esther qualify as a MystiCouple. And who really cares if they don't look like refugees from the original Woodstock? It's the message that counts.

You’ve run into J & E before on this blog, as well as all over the Internet, since they were a big inspiration to Rhonda Byrne before she got too greedy and dumped them from The Secret franchise. Which, of course, is no big loss to them; they’re still raking in the dough. And like the StarDoves, they’re traveling around the US of A in their big RV, spreading the wisdom of the ages. They also sponsor sea cruises to all sorts of nifty places. To hear some samples of Jerry, Esther and The Abes’ wisdom, click here.

* * * * *


Well, there you have it: four of the hardest-working, most creative MystiCouples in the business today. I’m sorry I couldn’t include arguably the greatest MystiCouple of all: Reverend Ron and Cosmic Connie, but, as you know, that would be a conflict of interest. And it just wouldn’t be fair to the other MystiCouples listed here. Besides, the Rev and I don’t have any videos – well, at least not any that we are willing to share publicly.

Now start voting!

* I guess I’ve pretty much ruined YOUR weekend, haven’t I? Sorry.
** One of Gabriel of Urantia's followers has told me that in eleven years of knowing the man, he has never heard Gabriel say or imply anything remotely on the order that he, Gabriel, is the mandated ruler or that everything he does is justified. I don't know; I am only quoting this article (also linked to above) that was written by numerous ex-members of Gabriel's community.
*** A sour note, that is.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're AA and you are this judgemental? Some people never learn a damn thing. Why don't you start by apologizing to all the people you TRY to make feel small for reading a book that you don't like?

Friday, April 27, 2007 6:42:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Goodness, who put a bee in your bonnet? I'm not trying to make anyone feel small, and I'm sorry if you feel small as a result of reading my blog. Being judgmental isn't necessarily a bad thing; if more people exercised judgment, fewer would get duped. Besides, as I said, I haven't been to AA in many years. I do, however, like to observe the anniversary of my decision to stop drinking, a decision that I never take for granted.

Friday, April 27, 2007 6:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Tony said...

Hi, Connie!

You stopped drinking?!?! How do you NOT dehydrate?

In any event, I have a write-in couple: Rhonda "rug" Byrne and Tilak. Now, THERE is a couple that had it all - a covert love affair, intrigue, a veritable match made in Heaven; and then ... it becomes a tragedy and they must part. It's Beautiful. It should rank them somewhere because they are ... well ... quite rank.

OK, so not that I got that out there, how about some of your and Rev's videos?

(I keed! I keed!)

Have fun ... Tony.

Friday, April 27, 2007 10:26:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Tony. Great minds think alike. I was actually thinking of Rhonda and Tilak too, but because that union was mostly covert and it was short-lived, and they never developed a shtick together (though certainly they did develop their own separate shticks), they don't qualify as a MystiCouple. They do, however, qualify as inspiration for a potentially distasteful visual, so again, I advise you, do NOT picture them doing...well, you, know.

I KNEW I should have been more specific about "drinking," for the benefit of literal-minded smarty-pants types like yourself. I keep from dehydrating by consuming plenty of water that's been specially treated by applying LOA stickers to the containers. :-)

And no videos here... it's not that kind of blog!

Thanks for writing, though, and thanks for your "write-in" vote.

Saturday, April 28, 2007 5:28:00 AM  
Blogger Sugar Walls said...

Congrats on AA and I am gonna vote for the last couple. They seem fun and the leather gives them a sub-dom sorta vibe!

Saturday, April 28, 2007 12:20:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thanks for the congrats and the vote, SW! That last couple (who aren't actually in the running, but we appreciate the vote) is The Rev and me at a Halloween party a couple of years ago. I went as myself and he went as one or more of the Village People. :-)

SENSITIVITY ADVISORY TO OTHER VISITORS: If you follow the link to Sugar Walls' profile/blog, be warned that it is "adult material."

Saturday, April 28, 2007 6:43:00 PM  
Blogger Dave said...


Tough choices. They are all so... special.I'm afraid my vibration level is just not high enough to determine who should be the most popular MystiCouple, and I'm afraid all this agonizing is going to put me back into therapy. Perhaps I need to consult my Psion Prime for guidance.

Love your Blog, mean it. We need more sarcasm in the world, and less of people taking themselves so seriously.


Sunday, April 29, 2007 7:45:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thank you, Dave. And I'm sure all four of the vibrating MystiCouples will thank you for your vote too. :-)

Sunday, April 29, 2007 10:08:00 AM  
Blogger Citizen Deux said...

My aunt (deceased) and uncle were AA (not). He's a journalist and writer and I know he would enjoy your work.

My nominations are Andi Mac and Jag (the founders of Airstream Radio - until a little infringement lawsuit) and the promoters of the Mayan Calendar Code!

Monday, April 30, 2007 10:11:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Hey, CD, great to see ya here. And Andi and Jag are an excellent choice for a write-in vote; as 2012 approaches, any MystiCouple with a Mayan shtick is going to have an edge. I think that's one reason that my first MystiCouple, Kira and Sri, are getting so much attention now. (The other reason, of course, is that smart-ass bloggers such as yours truly, and Jody over at Guruphiliac, are ribbing 'em.)

Thanks for your vote!

Monday, April 30, 2007 10:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Travin said...


I'm sure you have no conscience before God or you wouldn't be saying the things about people whom you've never met that you are saying. But to say that Gabriel of Urantia is a scam artist, to me his cousin---who has known him all of his life since he was a toddler---is like calling Mother Theresa a scam artist.

I grew up with Gabriel and know his heart, and I have been part of his community now for the last 4 years. He hasn't changed in his goodness.

I guess it's good for your website ratings to attack great people. Other wanna-bes, like you, will jump on the blog bandwagon. Together, all of your malicious attacks add up to one thing to the intelligent mind: that you and they are fools and clowns, riding on the coattails of true spiritual leaders.


Monday, April 30, 2007 12:52:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Okay, then, that's a vote for Gabriel and Niann as the top MystiCouple.

As far as I know, this web site doesn't have any ratings. Furthermore, I am not a "wannabe" spiritual leader or mystic.

I have no doubt that Gabriel has a good heart. (You will also notice, if you read my original post, that the word "scam" has a strikethrough.) But face it, the guy can't sing. Someone needs to tell him.

Furthermore, TraV, I freely admit to being a fool AND a clown. And I am proud of it. Lao Tzu (who may or may not have existed) is reported to have said, "The sage is a fool."

Anyway, TraVin, thank you for voting.

Monday, April 30, 2007 1:07:00 PM  
Anonymous TraVin said...

I know you say these things because you get people to read your blog, you got me there, but basically I think you're full of shit.

Tell me, do you think Bob Dylan can sing?

Wednesday, May 02, 2007 1:52:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

No, Bob Dylan can't sing. Neither can Leonard Cohen (and I admit I'm a big Cohen fan, though more for his songwriting than his singing). Tom Waits certainly cannot sing, and neither could the late Townes VanZandt. And Neil Young's voice isn't the greatest either. I'm sure that many people have told them as much. But their music found its market anyway, and if there's a market for Gabe's music, vocal limitations and all, more power to him.

And I may very well be full of crap, but I guess that's my problem, isn't it? Anyway, I'm in good company. :-)

Thanks again for your input, Trav. Your loyalty to your cousin is admirable.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007 2:10:00 PM  
Anonymous TraVin said...


Ok, now I understand your thinking on singers a little better. All of these song writers you mentioned are artists, they invented their own singing style, so did Gabriel.

I guess it's your sarcasm I dislike. You could explain your reasoning a lot better before you speak, even the good book says "Be slow to speak", particularly calling him a scam artist. You need to take that remark off your site.

Yes I am loyal to my cousin Gabriel, it's a very good Italian trait, missing today in America. In the 55 years I've known him he has earned my loyalty and trust. If you're ever in Arizona, look me up maybe we could dialog some opinions over a cup of coffee.

TraVin Sposito

Thursday, May 03, 2007 5:16:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thanks for the invite, Trav, and the Rev and I might just take you up on that if we're ever out your way. :-)

Thursday, May 03, 2007 5:51:00 PM  
Blogger Paulette said...

Hiya Connie,

I hope it's not too late to cast my vote?!

I will have to vote for the Harold and Maude MystiCouple. I feel not only because Harold and Maude is one of my all time fave films. But upon deep meditation intuitively feel drawn to this darling odd couple because the woman looks like my maternal grandmother & the guy looks familiar as well. Possibly a former high school art teacher who found his true calling.

Plus i like the whole star connection & admire the fact that they are so thorough with their consulting the Akashic Records. (Quite admirable & affordable for all that hard work!)

Hope all is well in Texas.



PS ~ If I may remark on a comment made by Travin? Being fortunate enough to be a natural born member of a secret Mediterranean Mystery Cult, I can say without any reservation an invitation to discuss the integrity of one's cousin and various musical styles over coffee by a self-proclaimed Italian-Arizonian in a desert coffee shop is code for "to get whacked." Notice how he admitted that Gabe "earned" his trust & loyalty?

Friday, May 04, 2007 8:41:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Hey, Paulette! Good to see you here again. And it's never too late to cast your ballot for your fave MystiCouple. Your vote for the StarDoves has been duly noted.

LOL about the proposed meeting in the desert. It has been suggested to me that I have been too gentle in my responses to Trav (who did, after all, opine that I am full of crap), but he does have a right to his opinions.

And though I am taking his friendly overtures at face value, The Rev and I would not think of venturing into unfamiliar territory without proper defenses. Among other things, we have a very large farting dog. :-)

Friday, May 04, 2007 9:54:00 AM  
Blogger RevRon's Rants said...

Aw, c'mon, Connie. It's been so many years since I was the target of a whacking! I say let's go. :-)

Monday, May 07, 2007 2:39:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Of course we should go! We just need to be properly armed. And that might mean taking Rex the Farting Dog. :-)

Monday, May 07, 2007 6:20:00 PM  
Anonymous VanMon said...

Well ms. schmid,
You ask what do you think about me ,so I will give you some feed back. I think you are probably very confused about life and cosmic reality. It is a shame that you try to discredit people that you don't even know,you must be very angry or just self absorbed or possibly your upset with your own life. I can not be the judge of what determines your actions, but I must say you have put some bad information up about Gabriel and Niann. They are very special people and there only desire is to help the planet grow into a reality where shit talking is none excitant and mature and the only criticism is positive reinforcement which I am giving you write now. I could say you suck shit at being a write ,editor or book designer but that would not be constructive criticism it would just be rude ,kind of like what you said about Gabriel's singing. That's your opinion and some opinions should be kept to ones self. Did your mother ever tell you if you don't have anything nice to say then say nothing at all. God loves you but he don't like the shit you write about beautiful people. So Gabriel and Niann have my vote for the most beautiful balanced compliments I have ever had the privilege to serve in gods kingdom with ,not the mysticouple award. You should show them great respect and honor them for the beauty they pour out on this planet.

One of there minions and loyal students Vanmon

Sunday, April 20, 2008 4:23:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

VanMon, while I am sure your brand of eloquent testimony will win many hearts and minds for Gabriel and Niann, my opinion about his singing voice stands. He obviously has a passion for music and songwriting, but his vocal limitations are evident in everything I've heard him sing. And that's the key point here: I HAVE heard him sing. While my assessment may have seemed harsh -- and rude -- at least it was based upon my having listened to his music.

And yes, you *could*, if you chose, say that I "suck s--t" at writing, editing, and/or book designing," but your opinion wouldn't mean all that much unless you'd actually seen samples of my writing, editing, and book designing. If after seeing those things, you actually did think my work sucked, and you said as much in those words, that might be considered rude and not all that "constructive," but at least it would be your honest opinion. If you had a mind to be constructively critical, you might use less harsh phrasing and explain exactly what it was you didn't like about my work.

On the other hand, if you were writing a smart-ass humor blog like this, you wouldn't be under any particular obligation to be "constructive."

You aren't the first person to tell me I am confused about life. Of COURSE I am confused about life. I am downright bewildered about it. I've never pretended to be anything else. But I also love my life, bewilderment and all. And except for a brief detour some years ago, I've never been able to take the path of latching onto a couple of cult leaders to give me all of the answers.

Frankly, VanMon, I don't think I'm the only one who's confused here. But thank you for sharing your opinion about how messed up I am! :-)

Sunday, April 20, 2008 11:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Cindy said...

Thanks for the laugh Connie! You've obviously ruffled some feathers as evidenced by so many defensive comments. The truth really needs no defense as it will always stand on its own. Some people here need to understand the difference between judgement and discernment. Having said that... all the couples could have won for the most creative scams but my vote is hands down Abe and Babe uhmm I mean Esther. Congrats on your AA celebration!

Thursday, June 02, 2011 7:51:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thanks, Cindy. I think I agree with you about Jerry, Esther & Abe being the hands-down winners in this particular contest.

Thursday, June 02, 2011 11:46:00 AM  
Blogger Dave Stone said...

I have special affection for Esther and the late Jerry Hicks, they being the most middle class and easy to digest of these couples. That the real "secret" that gives their scam such wallop. They seem like they could be your neighbors...if you were wealthy enough to own a warehouse of unused household products you haven't had time to have the delivery guys bring over.

I think you should have put them higher. After all, Esther looks like Shirley Maclaine (apologies, Shirley) and Jerry looked just like Les Nesman from WKRP in Cincinnati before he deterio... before he, hm, changed his appearance on purpose and attracted liver spots, balding and leukemia.

Think about it.

Monday, January 02, 2012 6:37:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Ha, ha, Dave, very good points. My only excuse is that this post was written a few years ago, when I was still more obsessed with the more overtly wacko MystiCouples, and probably hadn't learned to fully appreciate Esther and Jerry.

Monday, January 02, 2012 8:46:00 PM  

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