I can't run no more
With that lawless crowd
While the killers in high places
Say their prayers out loud
~ Leonard Cohen, "Anthem" (from The Future, 1992)
Mark your calendar for May 17, Year of Our Lard
2026. For that is the day that #neverwasmypresident Donald John Trump, aka Cheeto
Jeezus, aka Mango Messiah, aka Cantaloupe Caligula, has declared
that he shall lead a "National Jubilee of Prayer,
Praise, and Thanksgiving" on the
National Mall to "rededicate America as one nation under
God."
Trump first announced this momentous event back on
February 5, 2026 at the National Prayer Breakfast, where he boasted
about his regime's efforts to forcefully shove religion back into
the public arena, whether the public arena wants it or not. (When
you're a star Messiah, they let you do it. You can do anything.
Grab 'em by the 1A.)
The upcoming National Jubilee is intended to be part of the
greater celebration of America's 250th birthday. And the MAGAts
who consider themselves People Of Faith are beside themselves
with bliss; they've been all over social media with words of praise
for the Orange Overlord. They practically wet themselves with
reverent joy over the fact that their idol sat at his desk and droned out a few passages from the
Old Testament during a marathon Bible reading on April 21. But this May event has had them super psyched for months.
I have written a lot on this Whirled over the
years about the cynicism and hypocrisy of Christofascist leaders
who suck up to Trump, and about the gullibility or naivete or
willful blindness or (in some cases) the stupidity of his
followers who have apparently swallowed his religious shtick. And
many millions of other words have been written by others about
Trump's utter lack of biblical virtues. So I don't need to go
over those points in detail; they speak for themselves. (If you
want to review some of those points anyway on your own time, here, from a Bible believer and self-described Christ-follower, are just 21 of them.)
I do, however, feel a need to reiterate another oft-repeated
point: the idea of Trump as any type of savior or religious
leader is screamingly hilarious on one level, but dangerous on
another -- at least it's dangerous if you actually believe in the
First Amendment and are worried about the crass and unprecedented politicization of religion that we're seeing from the Turd Reich. That
politicization began during Trump's first reign and has
accelerated alarmingly since he slithered into office again.
In an April 27, 2026 editorial on The Hill, opinion contributor Svante Myrick wrote that April has
been a strange month for American Christians whose religious
identity is not bound up with the adoration of Trump. For
instance:
We watched a president who postures as a defender of the faith pollute the holiest days of the Christian calendar by invoking God while making profane threats to commit war crimes and annihilate an entire civilization.
The same president offended Christians of all stripes by sharing an AI-generated image of himself appearing as a Christ-like figure, surrounded by prayerful and adoring supporters and carrying out a miraculous healing. Oh, yeah, and he responded to the pope’s calls for peace by rudely insulting the spiritual leader of the world’s Catholics.
We also had Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, our self-proclaimed “secretary of war” and bloodthirsty crusader wannabe, treating the U.S. attack on the Iranian regime as a holy war to be waged without mercy and with “overwhelming violence.” Meanwhile, he urged Americans to pray for American victory “in the name of Christ” — or was it in the name of Quentin Tarantino?
Religious MAGAts will brush all of that off, saying that what's important is that Trump is returning America to the Christian roots in which it was founded. Oh, good lord, how many times have we heard that lame rationalization? Here's Svante Mryick again:
It has indeed been a rough year for Americans who support the religious freedom and pluralism that thrive here thanks to the constitutional separation of church and state.
Trump’s devotees claim that he was anointed by God to carry out a divine mission to save America from people they see as their enemies — secularists, feminists, gay and transgender people, non-white immigrants — and to ensure that America remains, or returns to being, their version of a “Christian nation.”
But that’s more fantasy than history. If our country’s founders, who were unhappily familiar with Europe’s state churches, wanted to create a “Christian nation,” they could have written Christian dogma into the Constitution. Instead, they included a ban on any official national religion and an explicit ban on any religious test for public office.
So no matter what George Washington or some
other Founding Father did or didn't say about faith and God and
all of that stuff, the brand of Christian nationalism that Trump
is enabling is running roughshod over all of our freedoms, and
not just our religious freedoms.
And Trump himself as a leader of a national prayer event? Gimme a
break. The man who has spent a lifetime worshiping at the altar
of his own ego is now calling on the rest of us to bow our heads
in reverence. It’s a level of hypocrisy so dense it could bend
light.
Those of us -- and there are many millions of us -- who don't
have orange-stained noses from spending so much time up Trump's
ass can see what this event actually is. It’s not a spiritual
awakening; it’s a campaign rally with a gospel soundtrack. It
is the ultimate branding exercise. By wrapping himself in the
flag and holding a cross, he is trying to sell himself as the
divinely appointed savior of the nation.
Of course he has a lot of support for that
branding from the evangelical "leaders" who regularly
infest what my favorite foul-mouthed pundit, Jeff Tiedrich, calls the Oval Bordello, where said "leaders" regularly gather 'round
their orange savior and pray over him while he slumps at his desk with
eyes closed and hands folded, looking properly humble and
reverent. (Actually, his eyes are most likely shut because he's
snoozing yet again. Tiedrich has often referred to him as a
"narcoleptic fart factory.") Also lending support to the con is the
Christofascist wing of the GOP, which in recent years has become much
more than a wing; it's practically the whole big fat stupid turkey.
And naturally there are the gullible MAGAts who take everything
that their Cheeto Jeezus says at face value.
And that prayer jubilee? It’s classic political
theater, designed to keep Trump's base energized while the rest of us are left shaking our heads in disbelief or disgust. It's all just
another way for the career grifters to prey on the gullible. I can already see the merch table now: "Make America
Pray Again" hats, gold-plated Trump Bibles and gaudy,
overpriced jewelry (he's an old hand at that), and
maybe some commemorative holy water bottled straight from the tap
at Mar-a-Lago or one of Trump's other vermin-infested golf motels
(as Tiedrich calls them).
Rededicating America to God is a lovely sentiment
for those who are religious, though not so much for those who
aren't, or those who are of the "wrong" religion by
Christofascist standards, or those who care about the separation-of-church-and-state angle of the First
Amendment. And having a rededication-to-God ceremony led by a
man whose entire public persona is built on pride, greed, and
wrath feels less like a holy moment and more like a rejected
movie script for a third-rate political satire.
So on May 17, as the crowd of the faithful gathers
on the Mall to gawk at the consecrated carnival barkers who will
be in the spotlight oozing their religion, I'll be here in
the corner, longing for the day that America is delivered from
Mango Messiah and his merry band of ersatz spiritual leaders who
constantly urge us all to pray while they continue, endlessly, to
prey.






