Friday, June 29, 2007

The rest of Hawai’ian Week has been postponed

Dear Ones, I have some slightly disappointing news for y’all. I had such glorious plans for Hawai’ian Week on Whirled Musings, and here at home as well. The Rev and I were even planning to top off the week with a Texas-style luau. You might pupu the idea, but we had a big shindig planned – to which we were going to invite all of y’all, of course. You would have had a chance to sample an incredible array of Texanesian delights – that’s Texas-Polynesian fusion food – with the pièce de résistance being roast suckling armadillo with a prickly pear in its mouth.

Armadillo, as you may know, is the state roadkill of Texas. Oddly enough, though, The Rev and I haven’t been able to find any armadillo this season. They’re generally so abundant, lying on the side of the road with their little clawed hands and feet up in the air, just ripe for the pickin’. But the moment we started shopping for the luau, not one ’dillo was to be found. We’re thinking that maybe all of the rain we’ve been having just washed them away. All we were able to find was one little ol’ opossum that had been hit by a car a bit up the street from Casa de RonCon, and hell, that just won’t feed a whole crew. So the luau is off.

Adding to the frustration was an unavoidable delay in the launching of the book, Nero State, that I co-authored with noted Hawai’ian shaman Dr. Ihavascama Fer Yew. I told y’all about it the other day. The official launch was supposed to be at the end of this week; Dr. Yew and I were scheduled to appear on several big radio shows and all the morning shows on TV. But our publicist called me Wednesday evening in a panic, saying nobody has been able to get hold of Dr. Yew. "The man’s MIA," said the publicist. "Without Yew, there can be no launch."

"Well, I’m here!" I said. "And I’m ready."

"No, not you," the publicist said. "YEW. Your co-author. No one can reach him by phone, email, IM, Blackberry, Law Of Attraction, telepathy, or anything."

Now, that’s totally unlike Dr. Yew. Granted, the man is famously a bit reclusive, but he’s never been completely out of reach. Well, after trying all day yesterday to contact him myself, I finally reached his assistant, Mandi. She assured me that he was okay, but that he was "in seclusion" for at least two weeks.

"What’s the deal?" I asked.

There was a long silence. Finally Mandi replied, "He is…um…honing his self-focusing skills…I think he said."

"Magazines again?" I asked.

"Yup. The 25th anniversary issue of Big’Uns just came in the mail."

So the book launch was off. It will be on again early in July. Expect fireworks. Or stink bombs, anyway.

Even so, I was still thinking I could salvage some of Hawai’ian Week. But then I got an irate phone call from Steve Jobs late last night. "Cosmic Connie, how DARE you have Hawai’ian Week on your blog, when this is the official launch week of the iPhone?" he asked. "Are you trying to steal some of my thunder?"

"Oh, my gosh, Steve, I completely forgot," I said. "I really am sorry."

"Well…that’s not really a good excuse," he said. "But…okay, I forgive you, because I like blue gals. But do you think that, just as a favor to me, you could postpone your special event so my iPhone has a fighting chance?"

"Steve, for you, anything," I said. "And please accept my apologies."

And so, Dear Ones, it would appear that the same Universe that was practically pleading with me to have Hawai’ian Week is now flooding me with signs that I should postpone it. When I spoke to the Universe this morning, It confirmed this. "I tried to send you subtle signs, beginning with all of those flash floods around your state," said the Universe. "But you wouldn’t pay attention. I guess it took that call from Jobs, eh?"

"Yeah, that pretty much did it," I said.

So to all of you who were celebrating Hawai’ian Week with me, I offer my sincerest apologies for cutting this very special week short. But the Universe has spoken. And so has Steve Jobs.*

I trust you will forgive me.

And now that I probably have your mouth watering for armadillo, I would like to leave you with one of my most cherished poems from a delightful but out-of-print children’s poetry book, Eggs Amen! by John Goldthwaite. This book was one of many illustrated gems published by the late creative eccentric Harlin Quist.

The armor-plated armadillo
Sleeps beneath the jungle willow
Unaware that army ants are marching out to lunch.
He dreams he grow increasing hollow
By a booming waterfall-o
And of course it is the army ants
(Crunch, crunch, crunch…)

Have a wonderful weekend!

* I am, of course, kidding about talking with Steve Jobs. And in no way am I implying that he really likes blue women. Oh, and I'm also kidding about the Rev and I eating roadkill, let alone serving it to our honored guests. However, The Rev does like armadillo.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Mahalo, Dr. Yew

E komo mai, Dear Ones! As we continue with Hawai’i Week on Whirled Musings, I feel that the time has come to reveal to you one of the truly astonishing discoveries that inspired me to host this very special week on my blog.

A couple of years ago, I heard about a psycho in Hawai’i who cleared out an entire hospital of therapists with an AK-47. No, wait, that’s another story. The story I want to tell you today is the one about a psychotherapist in Hawai'i who cured an entire ward of criminally insane patients – without ever having any contact with any of them. He would simply study an inmate’s chart and then work on himself. As he improved, the patient improved.

Well, I have to tell you that when I first heard this story I thought it was an urban, or at the very least a suburban, legend. How could anyone heal anyone else, particularly a ward full of dangerous nutters, just by working on himself? How could even the most introspective, insightful self-improvement expert improve other people just by improving his own self? And most importantly, was there a way I could make a few bucks by telling this guy’s story? Even if it turned out that the story wasn’t actually literally true?

On the one hand, the story didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t logical. On the other hand, there was that money angle. But I had other things to tend to, so I put the story on my mental back burner.

Then I heard the story again a year later. And I knew I’d better jump on it before someone else did. I heard that the therapist had used an ancient Hawai’ian secret self-healing process called Boto’o’popopopo. I had never heard of it, yet it would not leave my mind. If the story was at all true, or even if it wasn’t, I had to know more.

The therapist's name is Dr. Ihavascama Fer Yew. We must have spent an hour or more talking on our first phone call. I asked him to tell me the whole true story of his work as a therapist. He explained that he worked at Hawai’i State Hospital for about four years, or maybe it was four months; he didn’t quite remember. And it was either in the late 1960s or some time in the 1980s. But heck, those are just details. The important point was that the ward where they kept the criminal nutters was pretty dangerous. Psychologists were always quitting, and the staff was always calling in sick or just not showing up for work. Folks would make their way through that ward with their backs against the wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was a horribly unpleasant place to live, work, or visit.

According to the stories I'd heard, Dr. Yew changed all of that. Today, that ward is closed. And ever since then, love and light and peace have prevailed throughout the entire Hawai’i Hospital system.

How did Yew do it?

I told him I'd heard that he never saw patients; he just agreed to have an office and to review their files. As he looked at those files, he would work on himself, and as he worked on himself, patients began to heal.

"I heard that after a few months, patients that had to be shackled were being allowed to walk freely," I told him. "And others who were on seriously heavy meds were getting off of those meds. Most amazing of all, I heard that those who had no chance of ever being released were actually being freed."

Dr. Yew laughed. "Yes, you’ve certainly heard some stories," he said. "And I suppose you also heard how the staff began to enjoy coming to work, how absenteeism and turnover disappeared, and how we ended up with more staff than we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff was showing up to work."

"That’s right!" I said. "And it is true that today that ward is closed, right?"

"You got it, Toots," said Dr. Yew. "You don’t mind if I call you Toots, do you? By the way, are you really as blue as your picture? I like blue women." **

"Just call me Con," I told Dr. Yew, sensing that the nickname was about to take on a whole new meaning. "And I’m not really blue; that’s just a cheap special effect."

"Damn," said Dr. Yew. "You would have so fit in with that whole ‘Blue Hawaii’ theme."

In an attempt to get him back on track, I asked the million-dollar question: "What were you doing within yourself that caused those loonies to change?"

There was a long silence. And then Dr. Yew said, "You’ve probably heard that I was simply healing the part of me that created them."

"Yeah, something like that," I replied. "It’s all over the Internet. But I’m sort of spiritually challenged, and I don’t really understand the concept. Can you explain it to me?"

There was another long pause. Finally Dr. Yew said, "Well, I might as well come clean with you. The truth is, I wasn’t exactly looking at the patients’ files."

"Oh?" I said, all ears now.

"Well… okay, I’d pick a random file up once in a while and say an ancient Hawai’ian prayer over it, just to make sure I had all my bases covered. And I always had piles of files on my desk, so on the rare occasion when one of the hospital administrators or a real doctor would pop their head into my tiny little office, it would look like I was really busy. But for the most part they left me alone. And I…well…"

He paused again. I detected a little bit of reluctance. "Go on," I urged.
"For the most part," he finally continued, "I studied…ah…magazines."

"Magazines?" I asked. "You mean, like Psychology Today or The Annals of American Psychiatry?"


"Oh!" I said. "You mean news magazines like Time and Newsweek, to give you perspective on what was going on in the world, and therefore help you in your prayer and meditation?"

"Um…no. I was looking at…well…you know…skin magazines."

"Dermatology journals?" I inquired, puzzled.

"Look, lady, you can’t be that dense," Dr. Yew said, clearly getting impatient with me. "I meant… you know… THOSE magazines, the kind with those foldout pictures of ladies…"

"Oh, now I get it," I said, a little taken aback. "So let me get this straight. All this time – four years, four months, whatever – you were looking at Playboy instead of patients’ files?"

"Oh, no, actually I preferred Swank and, later, Hustler. And occasionally Penthouse. I really liked those true stories people sent in."

"But the point is – you weren’t studying patients’ files," I said.

"No," he admitted, "but I was working on myself. And I got very good at it."

I didn’t think I wanted to hear any more, but I was curious about one thing. As your intrepid blogger, I needed to find out the answer to the question I know all of y’all would want me to ask.

"So how did those criminally insane patients get healed?" I asked. "Or should I say, how did that ward get cleared out? Did you have anything to do with it at all?"

"Well… indirectly I suppose I did. One summer, a young patient was admitted, some guy from the Mainland. I don’t know what he was doing in Hawai’i, but I think he’d been a member of some religious cult or other. I don’t think he was getting proper counseling or the right medications. There was a lot of that kind of negligence at the hospital. Anyway, this guy was a pyromaniac – liked to set fires, you know. He called himself ‘The Fire Guy,’ or ‘Doctor Flame,’ or ‘Mister Fire’...something like that, as I recall.

"One day when we were particularly short-staffed, he set fire to the whole ward. People were running around screaming that the place was on fire, and they were paging me and calling me on my office phone and telling me to come help evacuate patients and equipment. But heck, that ward was on the first floor and my office was on the fifth floor. It wasn’t my problem, you see. So I locked my door. Still they kept calling for me, and a couple of guys came up and pounded on my door. ‘Dr. Yew! We need your assistance! Please!’
"Bunch of whiners," he snorted.

"You didn't try to help them?" I asked.

"No, I knew it was more important for me to maintain my state of tranquility. Besides, Miss October had these beautiful big…ah…eyes. I had to keep concentrating on what was at hand, so to speak. That’s what total self-responsibility is all about, Miss Connie. So I kept on studying my magazines and working on myself while all of that was going on."

"Very impressive…I guess," I said. "What happened next?"

"Eventually the fire was put out, and no one was seriously injured, but the whole ward had been destroyed, including some very expensive medical equipment. The hehenas – the lunatics – were relocated to another branch; the Hawai’i State Hospital is a pretty big system. That particular ward never re-opened. So yes, I guess you could say I was partially responsible for the ward closing down."

"What happened to the pyro who started the whole thing?" I asked.

"Nobody really knows. He escaped during the fire. They never caught him. I don’t know if he’s still setting fires or not. Someone's been setting fires at the Hawai'i State Hospital, but it's probably not him. But I think I saw him in some big infomercial not too long ago."

The lasting lessons
Well, that was some story. Yet I was a little concerned. The story was so different from the one that people were babbling about all over the Net that I wondered if there was still some income potential in it. I asked Dr. Yew what he thought.

"Oh, sure!" he said enthusiastically. "There are some very important spiritual principles in this story that I think the world is waiting to hear."

"Like what?" I inquired. "What about that ancient Hawai’ian healing art you were supposedly practicing? Is there any truth to that?"

"Most definitely, Miss Connie. The practice, which is thousands of years old, is called Boto’o’popopopo. It’s from the word boto, which among other meanings is kind of pidgin Hawai’ian for…"

"Yes, I know what it means," I said. I’d done a little research between the time I’d first heard the stories and the time I called Dr. Yew.

"But it’s not just about the…ah…boto. And there is more, much more, to the practice than just sitting around looking at magazines and…ah…working on one’s self," Dr. Yew continued. "That is just one aspect, one way to enlightenment and fulfillment. The point is to engage in any pleasurable activity that keeps you focused on yourself even when it seems that the world is falling apart around you. For some the path to this focus might be looking at pictures of ladies in magazines. For others it might be buying very expensive watches or sports cars and blogging about them. You have to find the path that works for you."

"I see," I said.

Dr. Yew was really getting warmed up now. "The whole point of Boto’o’popopopo," he continued, "is to reach something I call Nero State, after the Emperor Nero, who supposedly fiddled while Rome burned. Of course he didn’t really do that, but that’s the story everyone believes so it is a good metaphor for the state you want to reach. The way I look at it, things are only getting worse, and there's nothing you can do to stop that. You have to look within yourself to find the peace and the happiness you seek. You can still be happy and have fun even as the world around you goes up in flames. At least your world won't be destroyed. That is really The Secret to a happy life."

"I guess you could call that state of being ‘Yew State,’ given that you were sort of…well…fiddling while that ward was on fire," I suggested.

Dr. Yew laughed. "As a matter of fact, there is a Yew State, but that is something different – a higher level of Boto’o’popopopo, at least according to the modern form that I teach. The Yew State is the level at which the student learns to engage in any activity that keeps their focus on me. At its core, Miss Connie, the Universe is really all about Yew."

"It’s all about me?" I said, surprised and delighted. Being the insufferable narcissist that I am, I’d always suspected as much, but it was good to have it confirmed by a Hawi’ian wise man.

"No, no, it’s about me," he corrected. "Y-E-W. I am Yew."

"That’s right, we all are one," I murmured, but I knew what he really meant.

At first I was not quite sure about the profit potential of trying to convince people to focus their adulation on a little old Hawai’ian dude. But I could easily see the potential mass appeal of the first level of Boto’o’popopopo – getting people to focus on themselves. And I could certainly grasp the potential of the Hawai’ian angle too. There hadn’t been a real Hawai’i craze in the US in decades, and I figured that it was high time for another one. And the New-Wage spiritual aspect could only mean extra profit potential. If we promoted this thing right, even Paris Hilton might be interested. After all, I did read somewhere that her grueling 23-day prison experience had made her vow to "work on herself," and that alone would be good for at least a couple of videos, I thought. We could probably sell a few before they got pirated and put on YouTube.

I have to admit that I was starting to get really excited about the possibilities. And I did like Dr. Yew’s views on responsibility. Dr. Yew explained that if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life. So if you don’t want to be responsible for it, if you don’t want it in your life, just ignore it.

This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy – anything you experience and don’t like – is up to you to ignore. These things don’t exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn’t with them, it's with you. If you don’t think about them, they don’t exist…at least not for you. (And certainly not for Yew.)

I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Because of the guilt-trip way most of us were brought up, taking responsibility and wondering if there’s something you can do to make the world better is far easier than turning away from the bad things in the world. But the more I spoke with Dr. Yew, the more I realized that Boto’o’popopopo means loving yourself, whether or not you are in possession of an actual boto. If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. And the only way to do that is to ignore what you don’t want in your life. Don’t worry about the wars, the diseases, the natural disasters, or even the criminally insane people. They’re someone else’s responsibility.

I had one more question for Dr. Yew. I had heard about some magical Boto’o’popopopo phrases that supposedly have powerful healing effects.

"That’s right," he said. He explained to me that in English the phrases are:  "Thank me," "I love me," "I'm not sorry," and "Give me money."

"You just say them over and over and over and over and over again," he explained. "Mostly you say them to yourself, but you can say them to other people too – to everyone you encounter – from your family and friends, to your customers, to the cop who pulls you over for speeding, to the Universe."
"That’s it?" I asked.

"That’s it."


Follow the profits
I later attended a Boto’o’popopopo workshop run by Dr. Yew. He’s now in his seventies and is considered a grandfatherly shaman type, and is somewhat reclusive. He has long scraggly hair and disturbingly long fingernails and toenails, and is otherwise rather ill-groomed – much like Howard Hughes was in his later years, except alive. But he is very wise. He praised my BLP (book-like product), Cosmic Relief, and told me that as I improve myself, my book’s vibration will raise, and everyone will feel it when they read it. In short, as I improve, my readers will improve.

"What about the seven or eight copies that are already sold and out there?" I asked.

"They aren’t out there," he explained, once again blowing my mind with his mystical magical wisdom. "They are still in you."

"Oh, and I thought it was just acid reflux," I muttered.

The point that Dr. Yew was making was that there is no "out there." And there’s no "there" there. And rose is a rose is a rose is a rose. And it ain’t over till it’s over. And it’s déjà vu all over again. And so on.

It would take a whole book to explain this advanced spiritual wisdom with the depth it deserves. Fortunately, Dr. Yew and I are writing that book. It is called Nero State, and it is coming out very, very soon.

I was still a little worried about the possible disillusionment when readers learned the true story about the mental patients and their alleged healing by Dr. Yew. "Oh, don’t worry about it," he said. "People will still continue to believe that stuff because they want to. It doesn’t matter if it gets debunked a thousand times. You saw how long that hundredth-monkey thing has lasted. I have learned that people do not really care about facts. But they do care about themselves, and Boto’o’popopopo encourages them to do that."

Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there's only one place to look: inside you. And then when you’re ready to go to the next level, look to Yew. Or to me, since I’m the one who’s writing the book with Yew.

Well, that is quite enough wisdom for one blog post. Next we will dig a little deeper into Boto’o’popopopo, and I will reveal some hidden messages that were revealed to my friend Blair Warren by the entity Ralph.

Honi ko'u 'elemu,
Cosmic Connie

PS – The Hawai'ian Shirt Image above has special hypnotic powers. Stare at it long enough and you will see a message from the God Kanaloa. (And you may find yourself craving a heapin' helpin' of fried calamari with a tangy marinara sauce...)

And here is another special healing bonus just for you. This hula graphic has been infused with cleaning, clearing energy to free you of all negativity, anger, sadness, and unpleasant odors. It is one thousand times more powerful than the other leading brand of magical cleaning website. As you stare at the dots, you will find yourself feeling lighter and smelling sweeter. But this little graphic has even more potential than that – if you’re ready for it! There is an optional subliminal module that, if added to the graphic, will hypnotize anyone you want to hypnotize, and put them into a buying trance. Send it out to your entire email list and you will be amazed at the positive responses! And there’s more. There is also a "sex-slave" module that will work on anyone.

Interested? Send me $5,0000.00 USD, and a few Amazon gift certificates, and I will send you some more information when I get around to it.

** Back when this post was originally published, my profile pic was a head shot with a blue filter. ~ CC

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

It's Hawai'ian Week on Whirled Musings!

Bill Lumbergh: Oh, and remember: next Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.
~ from the movie Office Space

Call me a pa hula wa hini, but darn it, I'm in this Hawai'ian kinda mood, and I just can't shake it. But it's not my fault; the Universe has conspired to put me here. Things just keep happening.

For one thing, Academy put my favorite Hawai'ian sun dresses on sale for half price this weekend. Naturally I picked up a couple of them. Well, I didn't just pick them up. I bought them and took them home. That was Sunday.

A little later that day I was walking past one of my many bookcases and I had a sudden strong urge to take a look at Jane and Michael Stern's classic work, The Encyclopedia of Bad Taste. It's a first edition, now out of print, and I hadn't looked at it in years, but it almost seemed that a Voice was telling me to do so. I think maybe it was Ralph, Blair Warren's Ass-ended Master. Ralph has never led any of us astray, so on the off-chance that the Voice was indeed Ralph, I obeyed. I carefully removed the book from its place in between The New Encyclopedia of American Scandal (now, there's a book that needs updating on an almost daily basis) and Too Good To Be True: The Colossal Book Of Urban Legends. I'm not providing links to those two books because Ralph, or whoever the Voice was, told me not to distract you from the important message I am about to reveal.

When I pried the book from its cozy little space between scandals and urban legends, it fell open to page 146, the entry on "Hawai'ian Shirts." How meaningful is that? I read the entry and was shocked by a reminder of something I'd long ago forgotten: Hawai'ian shirts were once considered to be in bad taste. As the Sterns put it:
...a Hawaiian shirt worn anywhere other than near a beach or swimming pool is the classic way a vulgarian announces that he is unbounded by the livery constraints of polite society.
The book is definitely a bit outdated.

According to the Sterns, the Hawai'ian shirt, which is known as an aloha shirt on the islands of Hawai'i, was born in the days of the Christian missionaries, who were utterly appalled by the nekkid natives. To cover all of that offensive nekkidity, the Christians fashioned shirts and muumuus so big and loose that they didn't need to be sized, and the natives decorated them with Polynesian designs applied with bright vegetable dye. Unfortunately, the dye faded with age; thank Goddess for DuPont's 1924 introduction of rayon, which holds colors fast. That was the beginning of the Hawai'ian shirt we know and love today.

Ralph just thought y'all would like to know. And if you want to know more, go Googling. Or just click here.

Another thing that's gotten me in a Hawai'ian mood is that a song by the late Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
(aka "Iz") has lately been popping up in my head, uninvited. No, it's not that "Over The Rainbow/Wonderful World" medley that has graced numerous movie soundtracks and commercials. It's another one (see link below).

Most important of all, I have made a series of astonishing Hawai'i-related discoveries recently, which I shall of course tell you about. So I decided, why just stop with one day devoted to Hawai'i? Why not a whole week? And so I invite you to celebrate with me. Go ahead: unbind yourself from the livery constraints of polite society and don your Hawai'ian shirt or sundress, or a grass skirt and coconut bra if that's more your style...mix yourself a tropical fruity drink (or something with tiny bubbles)...go get lei'd...or just click on the Whirled Music icon below to get yourself in the mood.

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Israel Kamakawiwo'...

I'll be back tomorrow.

Aloha &
Mele Kalikimaka,

Cosmic Connie

PS - The Hawi'ian Shirt image above was infused with energy to help clean you of negative programs and beliefs as you view it. It will also clean toxins and waste out of your system. As you sit there looking at this picture, particularly the full-size version you can access with a simple mouse click, you may notice a growing sense of peace and calm. If you sit there a little longer, you may notice a frightening rumble deep down in your bowels. If so, for the love of Pele, don't just sit there. Make a run for the john before it's too late.
PPS - In case you are wondering what the heck Hawai'ian shirts or Hawai'ian anything have to do with the normal subject matter of this blog...hold on to your papale; it will all be revealed soon, if not sooner.
PPPS ~ And here's one more thing to get you in a Hawai'ian mood...

Monday, June 25, 2007

More on

Things are not going well for David Schirmer, the lone Aussie star of the hit New-Wage infomercial The Secret.

Just a little over a month ago, he posted this gleeful message on The Secret discussion forum:
Re: What made you smile today? When a well meaning, high profile psychologist on a radio interview said today that the Secert [sic] is dangerous and doesn't work ... and what professional qualifactions [sic] do I have to back up my claims! I calmly replied that I have a degree in results ... and the "By your fruits you are known!" I had to smile as I looked out from my window of my office at home across the estate to the city, as he [the psychologist] was stuck in traffic driving his basic car home from the job he goes to every day!!!!
Posted by David Schirmer 05/24/07 07:18 AM
What a difference a month makes. Very shortly after that message was posted, the Australian tabloid news show A Current Affair (ACA) aired the first of several segments on Schirmer and the allegations that he bilked numerous investors. I've commented on this matter several times on this blog.

And now ACA has done it again. Here's a link to a follow-up on Schirmer that was aired Monday evening (Aussie time). As always, Firefox users and most Mac users may have trouble following this link. But if you're using Internet Explorer, go for it!

Here's the YouTube link.

In this segment we see Schirmer apparently breaking a promise he'd previously made to ACA reporter Ben Fordham. Schirmer had originally invited Fordham to be a VIP attendee at a get-rich-quick seminar in Melbourne that Schirmer was putting on with fellow Secret star Bob Proctor (who now looks as if he rues the day he ever teamed up with Schirmer). Schirmer promised Fordham, on-camera, that he could bring cameras and everything to the seminar. I guess he changed his mind. Not only was Fordham turned away from the seminar by security guards, but when he caught up with Schirmer in a restaurant and tried to get an interview, Schirmer apparently attempted to destroy the videotape.

The other side?
Recently I received an email from a person who, though not a close friend of Schirmer, says that Schirmer helped some of this person's family members. This is the same individual who previously had asked me to remove the PhotoShopped images of Schirmer from my blog (I blogged about that, of course). I did not remove the images but, in the interests of fairness – at least as "fair" as I get on this admittedly biased forum – I thought that it would be a good idea for me to print "another side" of the story. So I sought and was given permission to share this email.

Dear Ms Schmidt
I appreciate your acknowledgment on your website of my earlier correspondence with you regarding the images of David Schirmer on your above website. My email was not a "heartfelt plea" but a respectful request - it was worth a go, as any Aussie will tell you. I noted on your website that you chose to ask others for their views, obviously of more value to you than anything I could say to you, and that has to be ok, though I found some of their language objectionable, but that unfortunately is the way of the world these days, and they do not know me, and it is their democratic right, and I will defend that. You are right that young children should not be accessing blogs such as yours, and they probably haven't, truth be known. The concern for human damage is genuine but that is certainly hard to communicate in print and it is hard to change any views that are already ingrained.

I must say I was surprised with one of your friend's views "I am appalled at the tactic that this fellow took. His plea to remove the images "FOR THE CHILDREN" is ghastly, abhorrent". As I said, there was no "plea" just a request. I'm not sure what the "blame shifting" is all about and neither am I claiming that you caused the children's distress. If David Schirmer is a "liar and crook" - let it be proved by the correct channels, not by the remote public at large and manipulative media. I'm not sure what my "tactic" was supposed to be. I have nothing but sadness at how quickly someone can be demolished.

The one thing I appreciate about your comments is that, should the story not prove to be correct, then you will print retractions and apologies. Thank you.

I also hope the people who complained get their money back, if indeed they are owed money. I will keep an open mind on this one and not point fingers such as has been done until I know the truth. I am not a close friend, but the Schirmers have given close members of my family opportunities they otherwise would not have had and that in itself deserves my loyalty, and no money involved, just a new lease of life! I come at this from a different angle than you or your friends do.

Thank you for your time. Even "alleged scammers" do good things.
In my reply to this person I remarked that good deeds do not necessarily cancel out bad deeds – but I noted that the reverse is true as well. And I acknowledged that there are sometimes shades of gray.

In no way is this intended to dismiss the complaints of the people who claim to have been victims of Schirmer's broken promises. I have heard from some of them privately, and it seems to me that for them, there are no "shades of gray." But I did want to let y'all know that I have been hearing from a Schirmer defender who, even though I've been pretty mean and catty on this blog, has remained civil. If only everyone on the Internet could maintain this level of civility...

In any case, I sincerely hope that this all works out well for everyone. Right now, however, it's not looking too good for David Schirmer.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Thank Goddess it’s Friday

Not that Friday makes any difference, since the Rev and I often work on weekends, and this weekend will be no exception. But I thought I’d take a little break from the grind and share a few more bits of love and light that have come through to me.

It had to happen…
The astonishing power of
prayer has now been combined with the awesome force of quantum physics via…you guessed it…the Quantum Prayer System (QPS). "Think of the QPS as your personal angel with your name on it, hovering above you 24/7, keeping an eye on you and giving communication and directions," read the email, which bore the subject line, "Energetic Balancing Quantum Resonance Technology."

"The quantum prayer system…is the most advanced quantum physics & prayer technology," the message continued. "It is about 20 years ahead of it's [sic] time. Like the ancient Tibeten [sic] prayer wheel, QPS generates millions of healing frequencies of prayer in your name, directly to you, 24/7 for six months, one year, or a lifetime..."

And QPS is not just another cobbled-together bit of pseudoscientific and/or pseudospiritual claptrap designed by New-Wage mercenaries to bilk gullible people out of their hard-earned money. According to the email, it is…

…the ultimate life-force (chi) enhancement program in the universe, to help you slow your aging process, the natural way. The primary purpose of the Quantum Prayer System is to help you raise your LVI (or life-vitality index) and correct any imbalanced frequencies within your energy matrix. We promote well-being and help create lifestyle changes on all levels. No matter what your present condition, you're welcome to join and receive balancing. We only ask that you want to change your situation and participate in your own healing, as you are the only healer for yourself. QPS is committed to quality broadcast of energetic balancing and maintaining a strong focus on customer satisfaction at all times. Our fees are more affordable than any other, and we are the most advanced program of this kind.

Those affordable fees break down as follows:
6 Months = $450. One Year = $600. Lifetime = $2875.

Naturally, QPS comes with the standard loophole inherent in all New-Wage programs: if you don’t get results, it’s your fault. It also comes with a stronger medical disclaimer than I’ve seen on most New-Wage programs:

a Medical Treatment!
This program does not provide subscribes [sic] with any form of Therapy, Counseling, Medical Treatment or Diagnosis. If you think you have a medical problem, please see your doctor or dial 911.
The Quantum Prayer System has no recognized value, beyond that which the individual participants assign to it.
The QPS is a spiritual technology using advanced mathematics, fractals and prayers.

So, basically, the message is that QPS has no value, but never mind; send the QPS people your money anyway. I have a better idea (and it’s one I’ve suggested here before, but so far no one has paid heed): send me your money – the more, the better. I have a great deal of value, at least to me.

Memo to Joe V.:
If I spend money to give you an Amazon gift certificate, the "free articles" on your blog aren’t free anymore, are they? At least not for me.

Woman goes off meds again
The Nibiruan Council is pleased to announce the release of their second book," said the email. The Nibiruans, I learned, are a group of advanced ET’s who are using a woman named Jelaila Starr as their channel and ghostwriter. Their mission is "to prepare humanity to take their rightful place in the greater galactic community," which is why they are making Jelaila write books, the newest of which is called, The Mission Remembered, Book 2. It will help you figure out the answer to questions such as:

  • Do you have a purpose for being here, a divinely inspired mission?
  • If so, have you discovered your mission, or are you still waiting for it to unfold?
  • What will it entail and what will be required?
  • How do you fulfill it while maintaining a career and caring for your spouse and kids?

The aliens also told Jelaila to make videos. I guess they’re relatively harmless, though, as long as they don’t start telling her to do bad things to her husband or kids.

Speak of the devil (so to speak)
Just the other day
I was expressing concern because I hadn't received a Nether Worlds Reclamation Update from Extreme Lightworker Bryan James in quite some time. This is an ongoing project to rescue 50 million lost souls from Hell. Well, we can all breathe easier because I just got this brief update in my email:

Divine Mother's reclamation project is going extremely well, as 3,898,792 souls have been successfully rescued, rehabilitated and sent home as of June 19. Please continue to send your Light, prayers and best wishes for the full recovery of the remaining souls currently undergoing treatment.

I thought you'd like to know.

Well, I’d best get back to work, and you probably should, too. But if you’d like to spend a little more time in the blogosphere, and you'd like to explore the dark side of "love and light," head on over to Steve Salerno’s SHAMblog for the newest "collateral damage" self-help horror story.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Dump-day…er… Hump-day special

Dear Ones, I can scarcely keep up with the astonishing messages that are coming through now. We are truly on the verge of a new era of humankind. And as the days grow longer and the nights shorter here in the Northern Hemisphere, I am sensing an enormous increase in love and light; my email in-box is full of it. It is certainly full of something, anyway. Allow me, if you will, to dump some of it on you…

Cosmic Connie: energy practitioner
I sometimes wonder if the words I write are making even so much as a dent in the ethers, but the other day I got a sign that they must be. In yet another Whirled Musings breakthrough, I have been recognized by somebody’s spambot as an "energy practitioner." The subject line on the personalized email that came the other day was, "Exciting Subtle Energy Technology from Russia!"

Hello, Connie,
In your work as an energy practitioner, you have no doubt had the experience of seeing everything as energy. That is why we know you would be interested in the technology of Russian physicist,
Dr. Yury Kronn. What he's done is developed a method of recording the energy signature of acupuncture meridians, herbs, gemstones, minerals, and the other elements, and transferring that signature into a carrier (usually an ionic mineral solution). When this carrier is ingested, the body responds as though the acupuncture point had been treated, the herb ingested, or the mineral or gemstone energy absorbed (!). It has been called "acupuncture in a bottle."

The email was signed, "Boyd Martin, Customer Service/Webmaster (and, drummer)."

Well, of course he drums. Every SNAG worth his salt drums.*

The P.S. let me know that Boyd is "authorized to set up professional accounts at 50% wholesale discount." I know that this is a marvelous moneymaking opportunity for me, and I just can’t wait to not take advantage of it. You can, if you wish, visit Boyd at You’ll learn a thing or two about quantum physics and about how Photoshopping ® Dr. Yuri’s magical acupuncture in a bottle can change your aura color.

As this email was not from my usual source, my favorite New-Wage spam service, I was a bit curious about why I was among those chosen to receive this marvelous news. The blurb below the P.S. held the answer:

You are receiving this message because your email,, is listed publicly either in an online phone directory, professional association directory, or printed publication. We send our invitations only to specific individuals who would have a specific use for our offerings. Each email is sent separately to the specific person. We do not "bulk email," and hence, do not spam…

Whew, I’m glad they got that straightened out. I have to say, though, that as much as "acupuncture in a bottle" appeals to me (and who wouldn’t prefer to swallow needles instead of being pricked by them?), I think I’ll pass on this one. But the spambot was dead-on about one thing: I do have a specific use for the company’s offerings. It’s just not the use that the sender probably had in mind.

Saint Germain in sordid love triangle?
You have met the fabled
Saint Germain on these pages previously. And you’ve also met his main gal pal Troika Celeste Saint Germain, who channels messages from him, and whom he has exclusively authorized to sell his products in this dimension. Even though scads of New-Wage capitalists claim to receive messages from the Germ-man, I pretty much thought that Troika was his "special" girl. But now it looks like Troika has a serious rival for Saint Germain’s love. From Rainbow’s End in Lander, Wyoming, I bring you psychic Molly Rowland.

Now, be careful when you hit the link to Molly’s home page; make sure the volume on your speakers isn’t turned up too loud. Otherwise, your loved ones or coworkers may come running into your office or cube, asking you if you’re okay. I didn’t realize my volume was set as loud as it was, and when I clicked on the link, Ron rushed into my office, alarmed because he thought he heard me violently throwing up. But no, it was merely Molly, committing a misdemeanor vocal violation.** So please, exercise caution. (Note: If you use Firefox you may not hear it, but you Internet Explorer users...well, you've been warned.)

Anyway, I got an email from Molly the other day, advertising an event she holds periodically called, "Evenings With St. Germain." The next one is… hey, it’s tonight! It runs from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM (EDT) or 4:00 PM to 6:00 PM (PDT). And it costs only $45.00 US for you to attend via your computer. There’s still time to get in on this great event. But if you happen to miss it, or if you’d like to listen in on previous hot sessions with the Germain Man, Molly sells videos. And what will you get for your $45.00, should you choose to sit in on tonight’s session? According to Molly, "St. Germain will delight you, inform you and help you see new perspectives in this jam-packed 2 hour event."

Molly is well qualified to hold this event, for she is, as she explains, The Voice of the Gatekeepers. She channels Saint Germain and The Counsel of Light (formally the White Brotherhood). She’s also "an Astrologer, Medical Intuitive and Tarot Reader with over 40 years of experience lovingly serving people with guidance and healing." But let me let her tell you more.

So anyway, I’m wondering if Troika knows about Molly, and if she knows that Saint Germain is allowing Molly to use his pale purple theme color and his "special" Saint Germain font. I wonder if this is going to result in a big showdown at some point. On the other hand, if Saint Germain plays his cards right, he can probably arrange a little fmf action. I’ll keep you posted if I hear anything about it.

Unless you’d prefer that I don't.

Old OHM week at Mount Shasta
Greetings Beloved Light Family!" began the email I received yesterday. This was obviously a mis-delivered message, as I am not actually a member of the Light Family, but I thought I’d take a peek at their email anyway. Turned out to be an advert for the annual Open Heart Empowerment (OHM) Retreat at
Mt. Shasta, California, June 26-July 1. And I have to say it sounded pretty exciting:

As the Golden Sun shines brightly here in Mt. Shasta, CA the Goddesses, Archangels, Lemurians, and Beloved Ascended Master St. Germain are smiling at the prospect of this year's Open Heart Empowerment Retreat and all that will unfold from this grand retreat gathering of Beautiful Radiant Spirits Uniting, Inspiring, Dancing, Breathing, Sounding, Moving, Activating, Transforming, and Empowering into New Earth Communiversity!

I told you that Saint Germain fella gets around. And not only are all the Goddesses, Archangels, Lemurians and Ascended Masters going to be there, but it’s going to be a veritable New-Wage Woodstock (Woo-stock? Lollapa-woo-za?) of real people. Or, as the email put it, "an intergenerational line up of the greatest embodied facilitators on the planet!" Such as…

  • Makasha Roske of Hummingbird Ranch
  • Katharine Roske of the Co-creator's Handbook
  • Kerrie Dancing Butterfly of Journeys for the Soul
  • Amoraea Dreamseed of Harmonic Convergence 2012
  • Samantha Sweetwater of Peace Body and Dancing Freedom
  • Omakayuel of Dolphin Tantra and Peace Body
  • Mikael King of DivineJoy
  • Elijah and the Band of Light
  • Thalyn of the Inspirates

…and Gourmet raw food cuisine with brilliant chef Bruce Horowitz of the Sun Kitchen!

AND JUST ADDED! Deep Healing Sessions with:

  • Maori (New Zealand) Shaman- Anaru providing Romi Romi intensive bodywork.
  • Chocolate Love Goddess - Heather Dunbar with Thai Yoga Massage Therapy
  • Bee Shaman - RA Weisman with Rolfing Body work and Cacao oil massage
  • Sacred Sound and Geometric Body work with Anahita

I’m not going to provide links for all of those people and their shticks; you can Google whomever or whatever grabs you. But that "Cacao oil massage" sounds kind of nasty, doesn’t it? I mean in a good way. "Dolphin Tantra," on the other hand, sounds not quite legal. I’d stay away from that if I were you.

One of the organizations involved in the OHM event at Mt. Shasta is Divine Joy. A glance at their home page gives a good idea of what they, and the OHM-fest, are all about. There’s so much cosmic love resonating in their message that I'll bet it's going to make you positively squirm with joy:

The essential truth is that YOU ARE AN AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, DIVINE BEING having an embodied earthly experience and beneath any doubt, fears, or denial regarding that above statement, you are the one that essentially everyone has been waiting for. yes! Yes! YES!

Everyone has been waiting for you! To show up! To be the change! To make a difference! To take the path less traveled! To leap into the unknown! To make huge choices for your Deepest Joy! It is time and you are absolutely ready! No one else can do your Joy or be your gift to this Great Planetary Awakening! Even us, your humble DivineJoy Facilitators, cannot and will not do it alone this time, we need you! And this time, no matter what happens, you will embody your Greatest Human Potential.

This potential we speak of is your ability to vibrate at the deepest level of your feeling center with the emotion we call Joy. Not just any old Joy mind you! It must be Universal, Absolute, Divine Joy! Yes. You. Joy. Now....tell me, that is why you are here, right?…

Remember, this is not idiot joy.***

You will have to do inner work to transmute old stale subconscious patterns not aligned with your Divine Joy and....

All we can offer is the truth and nothing but your highest divine potential to feel that truth; that sacred joy eternally manifest all around you in every moment, every aspect, every cell, every atom, and every sub-atomic particle of your entire quantum field existence…

And so on. You can find out more about this great annual OHMcoming by clicking here.

Affirmation station
Are your affirmations just not working the way you want them to? Well, Bill Austin, whose healing art
I introduced you to here just a few weeks ago (scroll down to "Art imitates crap") has partnered with another New-Wage dilettante a lady named Anita Briggs to create a marvelous tool that will "Magnify the Power of YOUR Affirmations 200-Fold and finally GET WHAT YOU WANT Quickly!"

Whether you’re trying to lose weight, fix a relationship, create abundance, attract more clients to your business, heal depression, clear your allergies, release your past trauma and baggage, etc. you need TOOLS that will give you immediate and sustained support. You have The Secret, now you need the SOLUTION!

The Affirmation Enhancer clears all that stands between you and your affirmed reality, by energetically anchoring the vibration of your affirmation in your auric fields at all levels of your being, clearing the subconscious mind of the backwash of opposing thoughts, hidden agendas and unmet needs that often underlie affirmations and prevent their manifestation, and much, much more.

In addition the Affirmation Enhancer provides on-going energetic support for 21 days after each use of the tool, to ensure that you are aligned vibrationally to match your affirmations.

10 minutes of using the Tool is like 33 hours of ordinary affirmations - with all of the backwash negativity cleared out on the spot. Utilizing this tool will place you on the fast track of releasing all your limitations, which stand between you and your desires, in record times!

And with the Tool, you get an 85-page manual, PLUS, eighteen images of Bill Austin’s healing art, "vibrationally encoded with protocols to clear and heal the most common blocks people have to attracting and magnetizing abundance, wealth and success to themselves. These images alone are worth over $200 when purchased on the Healing Holograms web site ("

Read all about this phenomenal Tool at

Michael Sun Bear speaks

Finally, Dear Ones, I have an important message from the Great White Brotherhood, channeled a little over a month ago by Michael Sun Bear, "Shaman & Peacemaker, Descendant of the Mohawk, Seneca, and Iroquois Northeastern Tribes." This message answers many of your burning questions about today’s events – everything from troubling political issues to the disappearance of the world’s bees. Michael has asked everyone in the mass media to print this message in their publications, for the future of our planet depends upon it. He welcomes your feedback; email him at


We are Ra Imperial Commander and Head of State to the Sirian High Council, Saint Germain Ambassador to the Galactic Federation of Light, Archangel Michael Prince of the Archangels and the Angelic Hosts, Hiawatha Ascended Tribal Chief, and Geronimo Ascended Tribal Warrior, all of the Great White Brotherhood under the Prime Creator.

We are here to affirm that the Light has prevailed against corruptions by the dark lords who no longer have their stronghold on humanity thereby allowing you your God given right of freedom and to live in peace and harmony.

A stern warning had been issued a short time ago to your current global leaders with dire consequences if changes were not immediately implemented. Let it be known that the following directives under the Prime Creator have been achieved -

The Galactic Federation lightships immediately intervened the planned nuclear attacks against Iran and parallel countermeasures against the united States. The missiles were deactivated at the moment of launch from military ships.

Your current government officials continued usage of high frequency microwave pulsar technology designed to increase the temperature of the earth core has been permanently deactivated.

George Bush senior has acknowledged the directive and grounded all planes scheduled to spread the man made Avian flu virus.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has moved forward with preserving the lives of his countrymen.

All government networks have ceased all future development of current blank slate technology projects.

Secret government agencies misguided attempt to control and disperse natural healthcare remedies proved futile and unsuccessful.

All efforts of military and nonmilitary personnel purposely devastating oceanic life forms through detonation of explosive devices under the guise of experimentation in the interest of science are now being overridden by our lightships.

Bush has conceded to allow the hearing of the Sibel Edmonds case.

And let it be known that the following directives under the Prime Creator have not yet been achieved and the time remaining to act is critically short -

All existing Avian Flu vaccines are to be destroyed immediately.

Usage of toxic pesticides and genetically modified agriculture seeds must cease and desist.

Prince Harry is to remain in England. Prince Phillip will be accountable for any and all harm done to Prince Harry or the men under his command.

Sonar frequency wave technology misused to deliberately harm whales and dolphins must be deactivated.

Commercial fishing vessels that release trawling nets with the ultimate intent to alter planetary ecosystems will immediately cease and desist.

Scientists under the control of government officials and public figures who create utilize and promote falsified data regarding carbon being the causative factor in the increase of beloved Earth temperature will retract all statements and speak the truth about HAARP, microwave technology, and the involvement of the governments.

Scientists and secret societies will terminate all programs set up to manipulate mankind by utilizing potent mind altering programs to mask their covert agendas.

George W Bush and Dick Cheney must concede to any and all directives they have received and ignored.

Tony Blair must concede to Great Britain his actual highest intentions and cease supporting the recent misguided truths that have appeared in your media.

Your commercial honey bee colonies that have seemingly all but disappeared have only migrated to south of the equator. Honey bees vibrate at a much higher level than most third dimensional creatures. They are sensitive to and respond well to love and nurturing much like flowers and plants do. Honey bee colonies no longer have resilience to human lower conditioned thought forms, environments of low electromagnetic radiation, and the dangerous pesticides that have inundated their existence. When your commercial beekeepers learn to value the honey bees and incorporate organic approaches and applications to the construction and care of beehives the honey bees will be back.

We are the Warriors of the Light and are acutely aware of your leaders devious plans to undermine all Spiritual Absolute Truth as we sit among them in their private meetings and listen to them scheme strategies for lustful personal gain of power and money. We have stood by and watched greed consume them as they destroy your nations.

Know that we do exist and we are not threatening. We are a benevolent race. It will soon become very clear as to the importance of your acknowledgement of our existence. Your current governments will soon stage another kind of attack, one from an extraterrestrial nation, to justify instilling what you call martial law to your land. This will be the most convincing effort yet by the illuminati. Let us reiterate that we are a peaceful, loving race and have only the best interest of your planet and its inhabitants at heart.

Allow us if we may at this time illustrate our whereabouts to you. We encourage you to scan your night skies with open hearts and notice the brightest and closest stars. These are our lightships. Verify our existence through your most powerful telescopes and see for yourselves that we actually do exist. You can see the defined edges of our crafts and you will absolutely see the array of distinguished colors pulsating outwardly from our lightships. Know we are among you our beloved ones.

Currently our command lightship known as Cathereum is technologically equipped with liquid crystal computerization capable of transporting us at great speeds. Contact between us is not far into the future as we are all part of your families. We are One.

Sis Boom Bah
St. Germain
Saint Germain’s lovely female companions
Saint Germain’s drag-queen cohort, Violet Flame
Archangel Michael
Archie and Jughead
Quick Draw McGraw
Deputy Dawg
The Great Off-White Brotherhood
The Illuminazi Party

Well, that’s it for now…I have to go empty out my email in-box again, for once again it is overflowing with messages of love and light. They just keep on coming. Lucky me!

* I realize that lots of very cool guys who are not SNAGs also drum, and are very good at it (such as you, don Miguel, if you're reading this). But I have a sneaking feeling the person who sent me the spam is a certifiable SNAG.
** As opposed to a felony vocal violation, a la Yoko Ono.
*** All evidence to the contrary.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Guilt v. guilt: the worst of both worlds

When it comes to guilt and shame, I’ve often thought the Rev had it bad, growing up as he did with a Southern Baptist mom and a Jewish dad. He knew from shame and guilt. But he turned out fine – not at all neurotic or guilt-ridden – though I think Buddhism had a lot to do with that. In many ways the Rev had it easier than some; at least he grew up with two vaguely interrelated guilt systems, both rooted in Judeo-Christian tradition.

Imagine, though, being caught between two completely different but equally noxious brands of guilt: Christian fundamentalist guilt and New-Age guilt. Imagine fearing not only that Satan is after you but that, as creator of your own reality, you are attracting everything bad that is happening to you, and if Satan is after you it’s only because you "created" him. Imagine having a dark night of the soul and finding yourself bombarded with self-righteous fundie Christian wisdom on one hand, and sanctimonious Law Of Attraction blather on the other. That’s what seems to be happening to the young lady who began this thread on the Secret discussion forum.

"Here's the Cliff Notes version," said my friend Tony Michalski, who alerted me to this thread. "Girl claims that Satan is attacking her. Now, THAT is NOT the silly part. The responses from these short-bus passengers range from mean to cruel to outright silly! From ‘you’re a fool for believing in Satan’ to ‘doesn’t LOA teach us that we are what we believe?’ It’s simply amazing and a very candid glimpse at their natures."

Indeed. And not only are the Secretrons more than likely making this poor girl’s guilt and fear worse, they are also showing once again how their explanation of LOA falls apart logically. As Tony points out, Secret defenders claim that LOA is a scientific law, but threads such as this one highlight the reality that "no matter how much they claim scientific fact for the LOA, it devolves into faith-based argument. So, it's not only silly, it is quite nefarious and scary."


Friday, June 15, 2007

Friday potshots

This is one of those "snippet" days. But they’re pretty good snippets.

"Shhhhhhhh!" Tell everyone you know!
My friend
Blair Warren, famous channel for the wise entity Ralph, told me about a great parody of The Secret. This is the kind of work I’d be doing if I had any talent as a performer or a film maker. For now, I am content just to sit and appreciate the work of these talented folks. There’s a trailer and a movie; the movie is well worth the time it takes to load.

Here’s the link:


Just off the short bus
Another cohort,
Tony Michalski, who is ever alert to the goings-on at the Secret discussion forum, alerted me to two threads that show once again how The Secret is opening up new avenues for emotional, intellectual, and spiritual exploration. My hats are off to these folks; when it comes to intellectual depth, some of the forum members almost outshine even plankton.

Almost certainly they are privy to "secrets" about reality that the rest of us can only guess at. In this thread, for example, they talk about how the Law Of Attraction applies to the game "light as a feather." This one will really tickle your fancy.

And in this discussion, they ruminate on the reality of Harry Potter’s world; speculating on the idea that Potter creator JK Rowling’s magical tales could be based on actual memories of a past life. One person posited that even if we’re not quite "there" yet, we are on the verge of living in such a magical world. To back up this claim he said, "I also read about a book by Joe Vitale that is coming out soon about how a man in Hawaii cured an entire ward of criminal psych patients wtihout (sic) even seeing them! Now that sounds like magic."

Which is proof enough to me of what I just said about intellectual depth in that paragraph above.

What’s going on in Hell?
I’m getting a bit worried about the
Netherworlds Reclamation Project, which I’ve been reporting on since late last year. I haven’t heard a peep about it lately from Extreme Lightworker Bryan James, who, along with Mary Queen of Heaven, assorted gods and goddesses, and thousands of credulous fools volunteers, is coordinating the rescue of 50 million souls from Hell. I’m still getting emails from Bryan, but the last few have made no mention of that project. I sure hope it’s not on hold.

The good news is that Bryan is still offering services such as chakra expansion ("Activate up to 8 million chakras, providing access to over 600,000 dimensions (although many have gone higher, and one has gone to 25 billion chakras)"; and past life intervention ("Rather than just help you ‘process’ whatever horror occurred to you, we completely remove it and rework the energies so it never happened."). Visit his Circle of Lights web site to find out more.

The blonde leading the gullible
Swami Blonde, a
JZ Knight wannabe whom you’ve met here before, is celebrating her twenty-first anniversary of bilking gullible hippies spreading Mafu’s message of self-realization. Who is Mafu? Why, he’s the fake Swami’s imaginary friend. It took me a while to figure that one out, since the Swami seems to be several different people, one of whom talks in the obligatory dreadful fake foreign accent. Her web site explains: "Mafu is channeled by our blessed Swami Paramananda Saraswatti." To make things more confusing, the Swami also calls herself "ammagi" (yes, with a lower-case "a"; I think that’s supposed to be a mark of humility). I’m still trying to sort out that whole disheveled blonde/butch brunette/crewcut blonde line-up, but one thing is clear: the Swami, or ammagi, or whatever she wants to call herself, is yet another person who has made a pretty penny* with the help of an imaginary friend.

Anyhow, I just got an email today from the Swami announcing the fourth year of "Mafu’s Online Home Study Program beginning with Mafu’s 21st Anniversary Darshan live and online from Paramatman Dharma on Friday, June 22, 2007." Pretty exciting stuff, and it only costs about $500.00 or so. Swami Blonde also sent me a couple of video clips, including this one, which would indicate that she seems to be getting into stand-up – or rather sit-down – comedy. An ex-follower of hers once wrote a comment on this blog saying that Swami Blonde is on crack. She may be on something, but she really does not look like a crack ho to me. What do y'all think?

Finally, if your kid is an intractable little monster – or just an insufferable smart-ass – and you’re seriously contemplating sending him or her off to a year-round boot camp, you might want to think again. There’s always the possibility that your child is an
Indigo Child – and maybe even a bankable Indigo Child, if you play your cards right (see Bryan James, above).

My favorite New-Wage spam service has been sending me announcements about an upcoming conference for parents of possible Indigo Children, as well as those whose kids have other challenges such as autism and ADHD. The conference, which is co-sponsored by Children Of The New Earth, is in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, September 15-16. So mark your desk calendar – that is, unless your naughty little rug rat has torn the pages out, taken a lighter to them, and set your home office on fire. Then you might want to consider that boot-camp option.

That’s it for now. I’m going to go watch that Secret parody again and then maybe get in some pool time with the Rev.

* So to speak. Swami Blonde’s original name was Penny Torres.