Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Friday, June 15, 2007

Friday potshots

This is one of those "snippet" days. But they’re pretty good snippets.

"Shhhhhhhh!" Tell everyone you know!
My friend
Blair Warren, famous channel for the wise entity Ralph, told me about a great parody of The Secret. This is the kind of work I’d be doing if I had any talent as a performer or a film maker. For now, I am content just to sit and appreciate the work of these talented folks. There’s a trailer and a movie; the movie is well worth the time it takes to load.

Here’s the link:


Just off the short bus
Another cohort,
Tony Michalski, who is ever alert to the goings-on at the Secret discussion forum, alerted me to two threads that show once again how The Secret is opening up new avenues for emotional, intellectual, and spiritual exploration. My hats are off to these folks; when it comes to intellectual depth, some of the forum members almost outshine even plankton.

Almost certainly they are privy to "secrets" about reality that the rest of us can only guess at. In this thread, for example, they talk about how the Law Of Attraction applies to the game "light as a feather." This one will really tickle your fancy.

And in this discussion, they ruminate on the reality of Harry Potter’s world; speculating on the idea that Potter creator JK Rowling’s magical tales could be based on actual memories of a past life. One person posited that even if we’re not quite "there" yet, we are on the verge of living in such a magical world. To back up this claim he said, "I also read about a book by Joe Vitale that is coming out soon about how a man in Hawaii cured an entire ward of criminal psych patients wtihout (sic) even seeing them! Now that sounds like magic."

Which is proof enough to me of what I just said about intellectual depth in that paragraph above.

What’s going on in Hell?
I’m getting a bit worried about the
Netherworlds Reclamation Project, which I’ve been reporting on since late last year. I haven’t heard a peep about it lately from Extreme Lightworker Bryan James, who, along with Mary Queen of Heaven, assorted gods and goddesses, and thousands of credulous fools volunteers, is coordinating the rescue of 50 million souls from Hell. I’m still getting emails from Bryan, but the last few have made no mention of that project. I sure hope it’s not on hold.

The good news is that Bryan is still offering services such as chakra expansion ("Activate up to 8 million chakras, providing access to over 600,000 dimensions (although many have gone higher, and one has gone to 25 billion chakras)"; and past life intervention ("Rather than just help you ‘process’ whatever horror occurred to you, we completely remove it and rework the energies so it never happened."). Visit his Circle of Lights web site to find out more.

The blonde leading the gullible
Swami Blonde, a
JZ Knight wannabe whom you’ve met here before, is celebrating her twenty-first anniversary of bilking gullible hippies spreading Mafu’s message of self-realization. Who is Mafu? Why, he’s the fake Swami’s imaginary friend. It took me a while to figure that one out, since the Swami seems to be several different people, one of whom talks in the obligatory dreadful fake foreign accent. Her web site explains: "Mafu is channeled by our blessed Swami Paramananda Saraswatti." To make things more confusing, the Swami also calls herself "ammagi" (yes, with a lower-case "a"; I think that’s supposed to be a mark of humility). I’m still trying to sort out that whole disheveled blonde/butch brunette/crewcut blonde line-up, but one thing is clear: the Swami, or ammagi, or whatever she wants to call herself, is yet another person who has made a pretty penny* with the help of an imaginary friend.

Anyhow, I just got an email today from the Swami announcing the fourth year of "Mafu’s Online Home Study Program beginning with Mafu’s 21st Anniversary Darshan live and online from Paramatman Dharma on Friday, June 22, 2007." Pretty exciting stuff, and it only costs about $500.00 or so. Swami Blonde also sent me a couple of video clips, including this one, which would indicate that she seems to be getting into stand-up – or rather sit-down – comedy. An ex-follower of hers once wrote a comment on this blog saying that Swami Blonde is on crack. She may be on something, but she really does not look like a crack ho to me. What do y'all think?

Finally, if your kid is an intractable little monster – or just an insufferable smart-ass – and you’re seriously contemplating sending him or her off to a year-round boot camp, you might want to think again. There’s always the possibility that your child is an
Indigo Child – and maybe even a bankable Indigo Child, if you play your cards right (see Bryan James, above).

My favorite New-Wage spam service has been sending me announcements about an upcoming conference for parents of possible Indigo Children, as well as those whose kids have other challenges such as autism and ADHD. The conference, which is co-sponsored by Children Of The New Earth, is in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, September 15-16. So mark your desk calendar – that is, unless your naughty little rug rat has torn the pages out, taken a lighter to them, and set your home office on fire. Then you might want to consider that boot-camp option.

That’s it for now. I’m going to go watch that Secret parody again and then maybe get in some pool time with the Rev.

* So to speak. Swami Blonde’s original name was Penny Torres.

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Blogger Dave said...


That's some funny shhhh_ _!!!!! Hope you have a great weekend, and if you don't, well, you probably brought it on yourself by not expanding your chakras enough. Me, I'd rather just have a beer.

Nanu, nanu,

Saturday, June 16, 2007 10:29:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Hey, I'm the person Bryan was talking about who was able to access 25 billion chakras. :-)

You have a great weekend too, Dave!

Saturday, June 16, 2007 10:43:00 PM  
Blogger Dave said...


I decided that if I was going to take the time to make chakra cracks, I should make sure I understood what they were. So I googled, and found this awesome site: http://www.crystalinks.com/chakras.html

Ok, so now I feel much better about making fun of them. I'm guessing that these chakras must exist at the sub-atomic level if you can access 25 billion of them. Way to go!

The funniest part is how seriously they take all of the superstition and mumbo-jumbo.


Sunday, June 17, 2007 8:31:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Hey, Dave, I lied. I'm really not that 25-billion-chakra person. I think that honor belongs to one of Bryan James' kids. Bryan likes big numbers; I blogged about it back on November 7(you'll have to copy and paste the link, probably in two parts, since I still haven't mastered the simple art of inserting live hyperlinks in these comments).


Anyway, I'm glad you expanded your horizons by doing some research on chakras. The more you know about this stuff, the more there is to make fun of. :-)

Sunday, June 17, 2007 10:19:00 AM  

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