This crazy, crazy Whirled

As the Gulf Coast holds its breath in apprehension about Hurricane Dean, my thoughts naturally turn to what Lynn Marks (aka Phoenix The Spirit Diva) and her hurricane-communicating compadres are doing about it. So far we’ve had a very tame hurricane season, although parts of Texas are battling flooding from Erin, and I’m guessing that a few hurricane communicators are taking credit for at least some of the lack of destruction. Spirit Diva and pals are in Florida, but we are also fortunate enough to have a group centered in Texas, who were so very helpful when Hurricane Rita threatened us a couple of years ago. They were able to keep Rita from doing serious damage.

I do know this is not a good day to be in Jamaica or Cancun, and by Tuesday or Wednesday of next week it might not be all that good a day to be in Galveston either. Meanwhile, my fellow Houstonians are storming the stores and snatching up all of the bottled water, peanut butter, and D batteries, insuring that there won’t be anything left by the time The Rev and I get there. Oh, well. I’ve got better things to do than stocking up on provisions. I’ve got some snippet-sharing to do.

Bridging the gap between fact and fiction
I’m seeing more and more things that convince me of something I’ve been saying for many years now: new-age/New-Wage/self-help stuff is appealing for its entertainment value as much as for its potential to actually improve people's lives. Oh, sure, in these trying times people are frightened and uncertain, and many are facing money or health or relationship challenges, and all that. But I maintain that many folks, at least in the more affluent cultures, are also supremely bored with ordinary life. I think this was the case with Victorian spiritualism and occultism (which provided much of the modern groundwork for the New Age). And I believe it is the case today as well.

I see evidence of this ennui everywhere. I see it, for example, in the newest wave of Illuminati-conspiracy hysteria, which focuses on an Internet offering called Zeitgeist: The Movie. Zeitgeist: The Movie is nearly two hours of stuff you’ve probably heard before about the Illuminati, the New World Order, and more. You’d think they could come up with a better title than Zeitgeist… but I quibble. Fueling this newest wave of Illumi-noia is an email that is now making the rounds among the conspicuously enlightened and aggressively inspired crowd. Written with a passion bordering on hysteria, the message has a Ho’oponopono twist, the result of the writer having stayed up all night to finish reading Joe Vitale’s new book, Zero Limits.

If you would prefer a little bit of information along with your entertainment, check out the Illuminati perspective offered on the Skepdic site. And if someone forwards a copy of that earnest Zeitgeist-Zero email to you, I suggest answering with a restrained one-word reply: "Yawn."

Far more interesting to me than the ZZ-over-the-top email is a message that came to me yesterday via my favorite New-Wage spam service. This one provided yet more evidence that the gap between reality and sci-fi is ever narrowing. Generally my spam service sends me ads from various individuals and companies, but occasionally they will forward important Public Service Announcements. Um, make that "Planetary Service Announcements."

The PSA that most intrigued me came from one Michael Ellegion, a channeler who does "full-life readings for the Star People and the Lightworkers." Michael, who somewhat resembles a young Richard Simmons, apparently has full access to the Spiritual Hierarchy, which includes some of our favorite players, such as Lord Jesus The Christ; the Archangel Michael; Saint Germain; Zoser the Cosmic Physician of Light;, Voltra the Cosmic Psychotherapist; and, of course, Lord Ashtar, who is in charge of the Ashtar Command of the Galactic Federation. "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away…"

Ashtar is apparently the One who tipped off Michael Ellegion about the cause of a recent tragic event in the US.

Here, in part, is Michael’s PSA, which he desires to be widely distributed:

Minnesota Bridge Collapse Caused By Secret Government Acoustic Weapon – And E.T. Response & Intervention!
When the recent collapse of the Minnesota Bridge took place, and as an "open Channel" for the Higher Forces of Light, I will often receive telepathic comments and they Channel to me about what has "gone on behind the scenes" which the Corporate controlled media here in the U.S. will never mention. I wasn’t too surprised, when Ashtar, one of my main contacts from higher Realms, very briefly mentioned that this disaster was in fact caused by some type of "frequency or vibrational [acoustic-psychotronic] technology"--and that I would shortly be receiving more in-depth information concerning this fact.

Of course, I had assumed that this would come either in the form of some kind of "revelation" from someone who had connections with "shadow government" levels, as what is often referred to as "Intel black-ops" and/or more in-depth, channeled information from Ashtar and our Friends Upstairs who surround Earth in Guardian Action.

Also, since I knew that the Cosmic Elohim Masters of Light, many who are members of the Ashtar Command and the Universal Federation, had been recently clamping down upon the world power elite or the "puppet Masters" behind the scenes, by making it very clear to them that they were not going to allow anymore use of nuclear or biological weapons (see my other Posting, "E.T.’s Divine Intervention Stops Nuclear & Biological Attacks!") I knew that any form of technology that is destructive to nature and life on this planet, no matter what form that technology came in, would also ultimately be stopped and neutralized as well.

I, of course, was not specifically, consciously thinking about some of the more "exotic" forms of energy or acoustic, (also often referred to as "psychotronic") weapons systems, which I have actually studied quite in-depth for a number of years, partly because I had met literally dozens of former (and not so former) ex-intelligence agents, many who had been involved in the development of this very technology. In a few cases, I met some former "black-ops" who were actually involved in forms of "psychic assassination" in which the use of "psychic deadly force" was actually used--or rather ATTEMPTED--to be used against Lightworkers like myself, to do away with those of us whose missions are to help expose such types of technologies. This would help to eliminate them when more people became aware of their existence and how they have been used mostly for destructive-military utilization, such as control and manipulation of the population, whether it is in the form of weather modification, mind control, or in the physical destruction of life and the WEAKENING OF PHYSICAL OR MATERIAL STRUCTURES.

I knew personally, in a very horrific way, what these types of acoustic or psychotronic weapons systems are capable of doing to a person or a physical object. In my case, I have shared my experience that occurred in 1979 with others who have connected with me in personal Transformational Channeled sessions that I do for fellow Lightworkers, Star People, and thru my workshops and classes. In that experience the psych-ops targeted me with such a psychotronic weapon and literally ended up killing me by ripping the life force out of my body. Our Friends Upstairs physically beamed me up aboard one of the Merkabah Light Ships of the Ashtar Command, where they brought me back to life by putting the Life Force back in me.

There are no words that can describe how horrible this "spiritual violation" initially was when I was first suddenly being attacked, but I fell unconscious, and then died from this attack. The Higher Forces took me aboard and brought me back to life in the wonderful and exquisite, higher Dimensional Bliss of their very loving and healing presence. They very powerfully took away all my trauma and altered my own DNA/RNA so that I would not be as vulnerable to such an attack in the future. They explained the importance of the old adage, "God helps those who help themselves."

Turns out that the DNA alteration was not just to protect Michael from further attacks, but to aid him in performing a new type of channeled readings. His mission changed following his transformation; rather than doing the karmic types of readings for which he’d been trained, henceforth he was to protect and empower fellow Lightworkers/Volunteers who, like himself, were on missions to prepare the Earth for its Ascension. His new role is "Cosmic Telephone Line" or Deep Voice Channel, and his job is to do transformational readings that will pass on to others the psychic immunity that was given to him by those he refers to as "our Friends Upstairs."*

During his own transformational experience, Michael learned that Higher Beings are intervening in Earthly affairs:

While aboard this Merkabah Light Ship, I was informed that the Ashtar Command, while continuing to orbit Earth in Guardian Action, was also specifically monitoring all kinds of these exotic psychotronic and acoustic black-op technologies, and that eventually they would all be neutralized.

Under Federation policies the use of any weapons, whether it be nuclear, biological or types of energy technology, if used against life in destructive ways, they would be stepping in more and more to ultimately stop this technology from ever being used again.

To get back to this recent disaster of the Minnesota bridge collapse, it was not surprising, when a couple days later, a friend of mine, Patrick Hansen, who has helped sponsor me for workshops about the Spiritual Masters, sent me an e-mail, which did, specifically refer to this situation, regarding how and why the Minnesota Bridge was brought down by the shadow government with this more exotic form of energy weapon system, and I will now quote part of his e-mail, since it is quite interesting and confirms my initial Attunement from our Friends Upstairs...

The email in question quoted an article by noted alarmist Sorcha Faal. Here’s a link to the article.

Recently, Michael Ellegion received another channeled transmission from Lord Ashtar regarding the Minnesota bridge tragedy, and other tragedies that have made the headlines:

"Greetings in the Light of our Radiant One, this is Ashtar, wanting to not only confirm what you had been told very briefly the other day regarding the use of an acoustic energy system that was used and focused upon the Minnesota Bridge.

"But I want to also confirm, as you were feeling, Michael, that yes, the loss of life that did occur, would have definitely been much, much greater, had our own higher energy systems of Protection aboard the Merkabah Light Ships not been active. You have often referred to our ship’s "Holographic Crystal Computer hooked into the GodHead," that monitors and can in less than a millionth of a second (if it even takes that long!) go into an instant Activation and Protection sequence. This provides Divine Intervention to as many souls as possible, preferably to save their lives, or if their consciousness is not high enough on the ‘Energy-Consciousness Meter’, we at least will quickly free the soul from the physical body that is about to go thru horrific trauma in the next instant, which will allow them to pass from the physical world.

"As you know, this is the same system we used when we Divinely Intervened behind-the-scenes during 9-11, so that while we were able to physically beam up, aboard the Mothership, almost two thirds of those 3,000 people that were trapped within the two World Trade Buildings. However, for a little over a third of the people, it was necessary to just remove their souls from their physical bodies and we took up their etheric bodies instead, as each of the two buildings started to collapse. And, as you know were blown up from within, as an "inside job" by the shadow government/corrupt Bush administration, by therminite secretly placed there, being ignited. It was not the temperature of the jet fuel causing the extreme temperature levels or that the two remote controlled planes initially hitting the two towers, had caused them to collapse.

"As I Channeled to you about how we have been in Guardian Action around this planet for many years monitoring the actions of those in positions of power.

"We recently, one more time, stopped the launching of nuclear missiles, this time against Iran, as we also did with the earlier Intervention to stop any hostilities between India and Pakistan from engaging in such barbaric extremes while helping Overshadow the political tensions and diplomatic solutions were the outcome. So, too, we are making it very clear once more, that any--and we mean ANY TYPE of destructive use of weapons, whether it be nuclear, biological--or Energy weapon systems such as that which was targeted at the bridge, will not be tolerated--that type of technology also comes under Federation Laws, referred to as the Galactic Pacts. Such technologies as were used against the Minnesota bridge, especially when loss of life will be involved is specifically forbidden, and from now on, any attempt to use such technologies will have very instant "karmic repercussions" against those individual(s) who knowingly engage in such attempts.

"As we have stated many times, it is not we, the Guardians of Light, the Rainbow Warriors, who orbit around this planet in Guardian Action that will, ourselves, do anything personally as in ‘retaliation’ toward those forces who will ATTEMPT to use such destructive systems and energies against other forms of life. It is just that the way that the Creative Energy forces of the very universe itself, will not allow this activity or behavior to be engaged in. Such negative action causes a REACTION inherent within the very energies of life force that is in harmony to the Divine Creation itself, the Divine Blueprint of life, and such actions will be quickly neutralized.

"Those forces involved in such actions will be "Recycled thru the GodHead" so that they will no longer be able to interfere with the forces engaged in life enhancing behavior and that which is in harmony to all life.

"And finally, I wish to state, as mentioned earlier, there definitely would have been a much greater loss of life had we not Intervened, and we will continue to do so, as we get closer to what some have referred to as ‘First Contact’ or what I have always referred to as the ‘Secret Wave of Evacuation’ that sets in motion the other three following waves of Evacuation/overt planetary Divine Intervention. As I often mention to help remind those of you who I have also had the honor to Channel through, as I have this Channel, it is important to remember, you who are here in Earth embodiment as Volunteers on missions, are still members of our Highest Counsels, and your presence upon Earth is to also give us Authority, by your own awareness and knowledge of these hidden activities of the power elite.

The knowledge of their activities, we can always FORGIVE them for what they HAVE DONE, but we must not allow them to RUN RIPSHOD OVER YOU IN ANY FORM WHATSOEVER, NO MATTER WHAT THAT COULD OR MIGHT BE!!!!. It is truly time to put a halt to such destructive activities, and so it shall be.

"As I always emphasize, use your Inner Discernment, my brothers and sisters of Earth, listen to your I Am Presence. Know that your own wisdom and knowledge of these technologies and activities as THE GUARDIANS THAT YOU ALL ARE, and your petitions and votes through our Councils in turn give us GREATER AUTHORITY TO STEP IN-- EVEN IN THE MOST ‘MUNDANE" SITUATIONS AND BRING ORDER OUT OF CHAOS for all concerned. Blessings to you all! Stay alert, yes, be the Guardians of your Freedoms, as my friend, St. Germain often states. In so being, your responsible Light attunement transmutes the very attempts of such destructive behavior, and instead, evokes powerful life-enhancing solutions for the use of such technologies to only be used in healing--and Transformation will be the end result. Ashtar signing off. As always, Keep Your Eyes On the Skies! Adonai Vassu Berogus!"

Well, that’s comforting, isn’t it?

Or maybe it’s slightly disturbing, when you consider the fact that the people who believe in this stuff walk freely among us…

The game’s afoot
I keep getting these email ads for foot detox patches. I don’t know if the Universe is trying to tell me something or not, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay nearly thirty bucks for ten foot patches (MSRP is $29,95, though they’re available for $24.00 on Amazon). And that's not for ten pairs – it's for ten individual foot patches. At bedtime, you are supposed to stick them on the soles of your feet, which contain key reflexology points, and the pads draw toxins out of your body. When you take them off the next day, they’re supposed to be grossly but satisfyingly gunky. That gunk is all of the toxic residue that the patches sucked out of your body.

Naturally, some people are raving about these things. Others are more skeptical, such as this guy from Kansas who really wanted the pads to work.

Please, no testimonials. Every company in this business has plenty of those. But actual lab results? I have found none and I REALLY looked. And I REALLY wanted these to work to remove the toxicity that was causing me so much pain, but that was finally alleviated by a doctor diagnosing me with Wilson's Syndrome. [See my note below.~CC] I was put on armour thyroid. My metabolism began to work again and detox my body naturally. These pads are like many things. If they truly make you feel better then, by all means, use them. But I know of no scientific evidence that proves they draw out toxicity and I have simulated the process that generates the brown gunk you think is toxicity from your body. Take one pad and put a corner of it into salt water heated to body temperature. You'll have the brown gunk within minutes.

Granted, the American Thyroid Association has decided that Wilson's Syndrome is not in fact a real disease. But apparently this guy was helped by thyroid supplementation anyway. And his main point is certainly valid.

I particularly enjoyed a post from the blog of a skeptic in Southern Africa. The blogger was writing about a different brand of foot pads, but the claims are almost identical, and the makers apparently are advertising that their pads help boost the immune system as well. Given that the AIDS epidemic is nearly out of control in some parts of Africa, such claims go beyond being silly. They are, at best, egregiously irresponsible.

My initial thought was that the marketers of this nonsense assume that we are just gullible but the more I think about the hints about boosting your immune system the angrier I become. Don’t forget people like Mantho Tshabalala-Msimang, the Minister of Health in South Africa who recommends beetroot as a remedy for AIDS? It was also Tshabalala-Msimang who at one point circulated around her Ministry a pamphlet explaining how the CIA and aliens were behind the pandemic...

...Sometimes the detoxing we need is not of our bodies, but of our brains.

I know that numerous wholistic healers and chiropractors in the US are doing foot detox therapy on their patients these days, using not patches but a "spa treatment." The fact that the "spa" ends up full of gross gunk has apparently made true believers out of many. But I wonder if any of the patients who give glowing testimonials have asked to see studies or scientific data, or if they've asked if the chiro or other practitioner has experimented with immersing something – anything – besides a person's feet into the "spa treatment." My guess is that anyone who tried such an experiment would end up with a pan full of gunk similar to that resulting from soaking one's feet. I've seen the testimonials in which people swear that the gunk varies from person to person, so there has to be something going on... but whether what is going on is "detox" or just a thorough sole-cleaning remains to be seen.

Well, as long as it brings the money in...

This is satire?
Steve Salerno linked to this piece in The Onion. Like all good satire, this piece is nearly indistinguishable from that which it satirizes. This one describes hustledork culture in a nutshell. And it reminds me of what my friend Tony recently said about New-Wage hustledorks. He said that those who tell (possibly exaggerated) stories about how they were once poverty-stricken and homeless remind him of some rap stars who grew up in middle-class circumstances but tell contrived "tales from the hood" in order to gain street cred. These days, the life story you tell doesn’t have to be true – just marketable.

Still more Hustledork Cinema…
Speaking of Tony, he recently alerted me to both a moviemercial trailer and a discussion thread about said moviemercial. This moviemercial is apparently so bad that even some of the Secretrons find it distasteful.

At least this one, Pass It On, seems to have a marginally altruistic message, rather than merely encouraging narcissism and greed. Even so, it’s much ado about little, and the dancing at the end of the trailer is painful to watch. Very painful.

Well, that’s it for now. And isn’t that enough? I promised you snippets and gave you a great big heaping helping of New-Wage table scraps. You always get more than your money's worth here at Whirled Musings (though I suspect you could probably have done without the foot-patch bit). Anyway, the Rev and I are getting ready to pack it up and go spend the evening in the company of our dear friends Bill and Kathleen. See you tomorrow or Monday!

* I wonder if, by "our friends upstairs," Michael E. is referring to those bats in the belfry.

The King of cosmic wisdom

The subject line in the email read: "Blessed is the Great Being Known as the Galaxy." The body of the email elaborated on this Great Being: "It lives, It breathes, It thinks, It feels pain, It meditates, It rubs the lotion on Its skin!"

All right, there was nothing about lotion. But I just can’t seem to get that song out of my head.

This bit of wisdom about the Galaxy – along with many other spiritual truths – came from Jesus H. Christ Himself, who, as an extension of his original Sermon On The Mount, revealed it to a man on another mountain in 1958 C.E. The man was the late Dr. George King, founder of an international metaphysical organization called The Aetherius Society. The mountain was in the United Kingdom instead of Galilee.

Dr. George King (I’m not sure what sort of "doctor" he was) was born in Shropshire, England in 1919. Fairly early in life, he discovered that traditional Christianity didn’t have answers for all of his questions, and he turned to psychic-phenomena research and, later, yoga. For ten years, he practiced yoga for eight to twelve hours a day until, according to his bio page, he became a "Knower." (Not to be confused with a "Goer," nudge-nudge, wink-wink.)

At some point he decided his mission was to help raise humanity from its ignorance and suffering. But he wasn’t quite sure how to do it. And then, and then…

…his life's mission became apparent on May 8, 1954. Alone in his London apartment, a loud physical voice delivered the following Command:

"Prepare yourself! You are to become the voice of Interplanetary Parliament."

He was initially shocked by the implications of this statement. It came out of the blue without warning or explanation. All he knew with his mastery over terrestrial phenomena was that what he had heard, he had heard.

And doesn’t it always begin with the voices in one’s head? If you’re really lucky, you get to see bodies with your voices.

"From the moment of the Command all Dr. King's personal business ambitions were abandoned as the information from the Space Intelligences grew in importance and urgency," says the web site. Indeed, that voice in his apartment was just the beginning.

A few days later he was visited by a world-renowned Yoga Master whom he knew to be alive and active in India at that time. This Master, in every way physical, entered and left through a locked door that he did not open.

During the meeting, Dr. King was given a series of highly specialized exercises enabling him to bring about a state of consciousness necessary for the establishment of mental rapport with the Cosmic Masters who inhabit the higher planes of other planets.

In the previous ten years Dr. King had become a Master of Raja, Gnani, and Kundalini Yoga - able to attain the elevated state of conciousness known as Samadhi. It was for this reason that the Cosmic Masters of the Solar System began to use him as "Primary Terrestrial Mental Channel", in order to give their message to Earth.

Dr. King formed The Aetherius Society in 1955, under the direction of the ET’s, of course, and over the years attracted a legion of suckers seekers. He knew that because he had been chosen by the Cosmic Masters (who are apparently wiser and more evolved than mere Ascended Masters), he was to spend his life trying to find new ways to help the human race evolve. "He quickly learned that the most efficient and powerful means to help our civilization is through powerful worldwide karmic manipulations," explains the web site. "He called these operations Cosmic Missions." Here you see a picture of Dr. King and his Mantra Team manipulating karma by directing energy into a "prayer energy battery."

Needless to say, being the voice of Interplanetary Parliament is a big job, but fortunately Jesus, aka "The Master Jesus," aka "the Cosmic Avatar of Love," was around to help. Master Jesus delivered a Cosmic Concept to Dr. King via a series of twelve Cosmic Transmissions, aka the Twelve Blessings.

The Cosmic Concept as given by the Master Jesus…

…This is an unparalleled text of mystic teachings for the New Age which go beyond his previous teachings, to include a cosmic concept, and constitute a practical and potent method of service in these days.

"The Twelve Blessings" is designed as a potent spiritual practice for all serious students in these vitally important days.

Naturally, the Twelve Blessings are available as a book and various audio products.

As you read through the text or listen to the transmissions themselves, you will see that the Blessings and prayers are not limited to the people on Earth, but reach out to the sun, and beyond into our Universe and to The Creator Itself.

Although Dr. King passed away in 1997, the Aetherius Society lives on. There are two headquarters, one in London and one, not surprisingly, in Hollywood. If I were you, I’d pay close attention to what these nutcases wise and knowledgeable folks are saying. For example, they believe in a prophecy that was delivered to Dr. King in 1958 by "a spiritually evolved extraterrestrial known as a Lord of Karma." The prophecy came to Dr. King on a mountain called Brown Willy, which is one of the Holy Mountains of the world. (Mount Shasta, alas, is not, which will probably come as a shock to many of the people who send me emails via my favorite New-Wage spam service.)

Anyhow, this prophecy concerns The Next Master, who will appear on Earth when the time is right.

There will shortly come Another among you.

He will stand tall among men with a shining countenance. This One will be attired in a single garment of the type now known to you. His shoes will be soft-topped, yet not made of the skin of animals.

He will approach the Earth leaders. They will ask of Him, His credentials. He will produce these.

His magic will be greater than any upon Earth - greater than the combined materialistic might of all the armies. And they who heed not His words, shall be removed from the Earth.

No one on Earth knows the time that The Next Master will appear; it’s up to the Lords of Karma to decide. The only thing that is clear is that he (and yes, it will be a "he") will be wearing a one-piece, wrinkle-resistant spacesuit (which is the "single garment" referred to in the prophecy). And great changes will occur when he comes.

The coming of this great Avatar, will be a pivotal point in the New Age. After his coming, those who are not ready to go forward into the era of Light - the New Age - will slowly be removed from the Earth to be reborn on another less evolved planet. They will then continue to learn through experience, only under much more difficult conditions than are now present on Earth. All who are ready will stay upon Earth and join together to build for themselves the much prophesied New Age.

I know, I know; you’ve heard similar prophecies before. But at least the Aetherius Society version doesn’t involve burning in Hell for eternity if you don’t accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior, although that less-evolved planet does sound a bit like a living hell, now that I think about it. Even so, in the Dr. King version of the prophecy, you get ET’s and crazy people, so it trumps those other prophecies in entertainment value if nothing else.

So what can you do to prepare for this great Avatar? According to the Aetherius Society web site, "It is important for all New Age workers, no matter where they are, or what name of God they follow, to redouble their efforts now during this crucial time, in order to help pave the way for the coming of this next Avatar." In other words, smoke it if you’ve got it. I’m thinking, though, that mushrooms might be even more effective for helping conjure Avatars. So…bring on the New Age already!

Imaginary friends: the more things change…

This isn’t the post I was originally planning to put up today; I’m still finishing that one. But I just received an email from someone who wanted to know more about the Mafu/Penny Torres/Ammagi cult, hoping that I might have some insider info. I explained to this person that my blog posts about Penny/Mafu, aka "Swami Blonde," were based upon spam emails I’ve received from her organization, and I referred the individual to a Mafu/Penny thread on the Rick Ross forum site.

There’s some sad and pretty scary stuff on that thread, and, as I told my correspondent, the more I find out about Swami Blonde and some of her followers, the more I believe they need to be institutionalized.

I especially think this after seeing a 20-year-old video of Penny. While reading the Rick Ross forum, I came across a link to an early interview by Meredith Vieira, from a defunct (1985-1989) TV series called West 57th Street.

Not much has changed since those prehistoric, pre-Internet days; if anything, things have gotten worse. The imaginary-friends segment of the New-Wage industry is still thriving, fueled by the gullibility of seekers, and held aloft by the obfuscation, rationalization and outright lies employed by the New-Wage hucksters. Listen to Penny's answer when she is caught in a lie about "curing" an AIDS patient who never had the disease in the first place. And a few minutes later, watch her as she blithely rationalizes being caught red-handed in another blatant deception.

In fact, if you ignore the big hair, the references to outmoded technology, the less-than-sterling production quality, and the lack of mention of The Secret and imaginary-friends moguls Esther and Jerry Hicks, you’d almost think you were watching an interview that was filmed last week.

As for the young Penny Torres who appears in that video – well, I’m no expert on psychiatric disorders, but I look in her eyes and I see a seriously disturbed individual. What’s even more disturbing is that, even today, she still has a following.

Oh, yeah, here’s the link to the video.

Master baiting on the phone

"Connect With the Masters Through a Telephone Conference," read the provocative announcement I received by email the other day. I was delighted to see that the message came from author and channeler Carolyn Evers, whom you’ve met here before. Through my favorite New-Wage spam service, Carolyn is promoting a series of conference calls she has set up with various Ascended Masters.

For example, there is Master Kuthumi, the square-jawed dude in the beret, pictured here. His next teleconference is scheduled for Friday, July 27. Hey, that’s the one-year anniversary of Whirled Musings! Can you believe it? The focus of the teleconference, Carolyn explains, is "preparation for ascension as the particles in the lightbody must be changed to accommodate the higher vibrations." I believe that this lightbody rearrangement is a nonsurgical, noninvasive procedure, but I really couldn’t tell from the email.

I’m a little concerned, though. I hope Carolyn doesn’t run into any trouble with The Rev Lynette Leckie-Clark, who, according to her web site, is the "chosen channel" for Master Kuthumi. If Carolyn is not careful she could find herself entangled in a nasty lawsuit, such as that filed by JZ Knight a few years ago when JZ found out that a lady in Berlin was messing around with her imaginary pal Ramtha. JZ won, Ramtha came home to Mama, and Mama is still raking in the millions from gullible dolts those who seek the wisdom of the ages. And then there’s that odd and disturbing love triangle between Saint Germain, Troika Saint Germain, and Wyoming psychic Molly Rowland, which I wrote about last month (scroll down to the second item). Interdimensional relationships can be so complicated.

Archangel Mikael is another Ascended Master who has graciously agreed to participate in Carolyn’s phone conferences. The last one was on July 18, but I’m sure another one will be coming up soon. So what does Mikael have to tell us? "Electrons react differently in the higher dimension as there is more spacing between them," the email explained. "We understood this before the fall in Atlantis. [Mikael] is urging us to remember."

And then there’s Mother Mary, who really gets around. Not only does she appear in porch lights and on pizza pans, but she has managed to pop into the body of virtually everyone who’s anyone in the channeling industry. Mother Mary is taking time out from her busy schedule to do a teleconference with Carolyn on August 15. "Mother Mary understands what it is like to lose a child," explains Carolyn. "She is calling the parents together who have lost a child to heal their hearts and their physical bodies."

But do these teleconferences really connect you to the Masters, or is it just Carolyn talking in funny voices? Well, she says it’s the real deal, and why would a nice lady like that lie to us? "Attendees are reporting remarkable connections to the Masters," Carolyn says, emphasizing that the Masters will be standing by to answer your questions. She doesn’t specify whether she splits the proceeds with the respective Masters, but I’m guessing not. But she does have a valid point when she asks, rhetorically, "Where in history have we been able to connect with an Ascended Master through the telephone and they answer our questions?" She concludes, "These indeed are amazing times."

Yes indeed they are, and what is even more amazing is that while you are at Carolyn’s website, you can order a Universal Akashic Reading, which will help you "understand the colors that were used to create your soul and what that means as to the part of the cosmic plan that you were called forth to complete." Plus she has several books and other products to sell you. Remember, this is the woman who has spoken to Julius Caesar.

If you really want to pick up some other-worldly wisdom from another source, I am sure my friend Blair Warren would be glad to channel his Ass-ended Master Ralph, who, among other things, has revealed the Law of Extraction to Blair.

But maybe dead masters and elevated entities aren’t your thing. Maybe you would benefit more from getting on the horn with a Living Master. I just received notice of a weekly TeleGathering bestowed by a genial-looking bloke in Montana who goes by the name of Sunny Baba, a self-described "man of nature" and "natural man." Do not confuse Sunny Baba with the hairdo-challenged guru and suspected pedophile Sai Baba, nor with Baba Babababarann, guru-ette to the Beach Boys.

Sunny’s weekly phonefest on "Awakening To Oneness" is hosted by a very evolved enterprise called Blue Diamond Pachamama, which offers "Integrative, and Alternative Wellness and Healing on call and at everyone's fingertips through live and virtual events." (Pachamama was an Inca goddess.) The Blue Diamond folks are also dedicated to "celebrating earth's new children including indigo, star, rainbow, crystal and otherwise gifted children," as well as to "presenting new paradigms for intimacy, relationship and self love and acceptance."

Like I said, evolved.

"How would your life be different if you could spend time with a Living Master?" the email asked. "What if you could ask questions, have a dialogue, and receive guidance from someone who is in transcendent state of god communion while being in active communion with everyday life, and do it from the comfort of your home or office instead of traveling to the Himalayas?"

Well, you can get a chance to find out every Tuesday at 12 Noon ET / 9:00 a.m. PT / 10:00 a.m. MT. That’s when Sunny does his phone thing.

"Sunny Baba," the email continued, "is indeed a living Master who has achieved a transcendent state of god communion while being in active communion with everyday life. Sunny had to travel the world to find and sit with Living Masters, but he wants us to have the experience from the comfort of our own homes or offices. The transmission that happens is not dependent upon traveling long distances or searching for long years, and physical presence is not required; it can happen in a moment and by telephone."

Sunny, I was assured, wants to answer all of my questions, while taking me on a spiritual journey and creating "blissful transcendence and huge changes." It’s not about self-improvement; it’s about god realization.

You may be asking, "Cosmic Connie, just what is it that makes Sunny Baba a Living Master, besides the fact that he has traveled all over the world and has done some studying and thinking about spiritual stuff, no doubt smoking some really good weed and taking a few hallucinogenics along the way?" Good question, You. I don't know the entire answer to that question, but it seems clear to me that he didn’t purchase his credentials from a metaphysical college. He apparently earned them the hard way, through experience.

I have wandered and shared my light and wisdom in Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Oregon, Idaho and Montana in a rebuilt 1931 Ford truck, that I updated with a new engine, brakes and mechanics. I towed a covered wagon... "a beautiful gypsy wagon" I built by hand that had stained glass windows, solar-powered lights and music, a fridge, stove and double bed. I am an artist in all parts of my life. I build my own homes, make my own clothes, and love to grow and gather my own food. I paint, and do stained glass windows; tan hides, craft and bead with the leather; design and make buckskin and other clothes; create 13 kinds of moccasins; build temples; re-build vintage cars; and create gypsy wagons. I love going barefoot as often as possible, and I live primarily out of doors.

Okay, I can identify with the "going barefoot" thing. I friggin’ hate shoes. And I wouldn’t mind living primarily out of doors as long as I had Internet access, mosquito repellant, and someone to build fires and hunt and gather all of the stuff that I needed. Actually, Rev can do all of those things, and he’s a damn fine cook, indoors or outdoors.

You can hear Sunny talk about the future of the Earth by following this link (click on the center image). Listening to him go on and on makes me want to go light up a doobie, and I don’t even smoke the stuff. Never cared for it.

Sunny, who no doubt has been a SNAG since years before faux-Native ham Dreaming-Bare had even descended to this plane of existence, also has this to say about himself:

I am very loving and a true gentle man…My life is all about beauty, creativity, romance, love, truth, and honesty… I am a natural man, not a product of my culture. I produce a lot and consume very little, a simple man with a clear mind and an open heart. My name is Sunny Baba, which means "Bright Brother". I have lived a wild / primitive life, and I carry that harmony and wildness into all that I say and do.

But for all you single ladies, sorry, gals, Sunny Baba is taken. He has found his "heart-mate" in 64-year-old Brooke Medicine Cabinet…er, Medicine Eagle. Separately and together they do all sorts of honoring-the-Earth things, and they seem to be involved in some sort of F-M-F arrangment with their "partner" Sally Hill to build a sustainable community in the Bitterroot Mountain area of Montana. Matter of fact, you can be part of this community too.

Actually, when you look at the photos, it doesn’t seem like such a bad life at that, though I wonder how many months of the year Sunny can actually go barefoot in Montana. And I have to admit that the guy has a ton of life skills that I sure don’t possess. I can’t even thread a needle, or hammer a nail in something without seriously injuring myself and destroying whatever it was I was trying to hammer a nail into.

Anyway, if you want a transcendent experience on the phone, call 1-900… I mean, click here. As for me, I think I’m going to go watch the movie Flashback again, even though Ron and I just watched it last night. I suddenly feel in the mood, for some reason.

Dump-day…er… Hump-day special

Dear Ones, I can scarcely keep up with the astonishing messages that are coming through now. We are truly on the verge of a new era of humankind. And as the days grow longer and the nights shorter here in the Northern Hemisphere, I am sensing an enormous increase in love and light; my email in-box is full of it. It is certainly full of something, anyway. Allow me, if you will, to dump some of it on you…

Cosmic Connie: energy practitioner
I sometimes wonder if the words I write are making even so much as a dent in the ethers, but the other day I got a sign that they must be. In yet another Whirled Musings breakthrough, I have been recognized by somebody’s spambot as an "energy practitioner." The subject line on the personalized email that came the other day was, "Exciting Subtle Energy Technology from Russia!"

Hello, Connie,
In your work as an energy practitioner, you have no doubt had the experience of seeing everything as energy. That is why we know you would be interested in the technology of Russian physicist, Dr. Yury Kronn. What he's done is developed a method of recording the energy signature of acupuncture meridians, herbs, gemstones, minerals, and the other elements, and transferring that signature into a carrier (usually an ionic mineral solution). When this carrier is ingested, the body responds as though the acupuncture point had been treated, the herb ingested, or the mineral or gemstone energy absorbed (!). It has been called "acupuncture in a bottle."

The email was signed, "Boyd Martin, Customer Service/Webmaster (and, drummer)."

Well, of course he drums. Every SNAG worth his salt drums.*

The P.S. let me know that Boyd is "authorized to set up professional accounts at 50% wholesale discount." I know that this is a marvelous moneymaking opportunity for me, and I just can’t wait to not take advantage of it. You can, if you wish, visit Boyd at http://www.lifeenergypack.com. You’ll learn a thing or two about quantum physics and about how Photoshopping ® Dr. Yuri’s magical acupuncture in a bottle can change your aura color.

As this email was not from my usual source, my favorite New-Wage spam service, I was a bit curious about why I was among those chosen to receive this marvelous news. The blurb below the P.S. held the answer:

You are receiving this message because your email, cosmic.connie@juno.com, is listed publicly either in an online phone directory, professional association directory, or printed publication. We send our invitations only to specific individuals who would have a specific use for our offerings. Each email is sent separately to the specific person. We do not "bulk email," and hence, do not spam…

Whew, I’m glad they got that straightened out. I have to say, though, that as much as "acupuncture in a bottle" appeals to me (and who wouldn’t prefer to swallow needles instead of being pricked by them?), I think I’ll pass on this one. But the spambot was dead-on about one thing: I do have a specific use for the company’s offerings. It’s just not the use that the sender probably had in mind.

Saint Germain in sordid love triangle?
You have met the fabled Saint Germain on these pages previously. And you’ve also met his main gal pal Troika Celeste Saint Germain, who channels messages from him, and whom he has exclusively authorized to sell his products in this dimension. Even though scads of New-Wage capitalists claim to receive messages from the Germ-man, I pretty much thought that Troika was his "special" girl. But now it looks like Troika has a serious rival for Saint Germain’s love. From Rainbow’s End in Lander, Wyoming, I bring you psychic Molly Rowland.

Now, be careful when you hit the link to Molly’s home page; make sure the volume on your speakers isn’t turned up too loud. Otherwise, your loved ones or coworkers may come running into your office or cube, asking you if you’re okay. I didn’t realize my volume was set as loud as it was, and when I clicked on the link, Ron rushed into my office, alarmed because he thought he heard me violently throwing up. But no, it was merely Molly, committing a misdemeanor vocal violation.** So please, exercise caution. (Note: If you use Firefox you may not hear it, but you Internet Explorer users...well, you've been warned.)

Anyway, I got an email from Molly the other day, advertising an event she holds periodically called, "Evenings With St. Germain." The next one is… hey, it’s tonight! It runs from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM (EDT) or 4:00 PM to 6:00 PM (PDT). And it costs only $45.00 US for you to attend via your computer. There’s still time to get in on this great event. But if you happen to miss it, or if you’d like to listen in on previous hot sessions with the Germain Man, Molly sells videos. And what will you get for your $45.00, should you choose to sit in on tonight’s session? According to Molly, "St. Germain will delight you, inform you and help you see new perspectives in this jam-packed 2 hour event."

Molly is well qualified to hold this event, for she is, as she explains, The Voice of the Gatekeepers. She channels Saint Germain and The Counsel of Light (formally the White Brotherhood). She’s also "an Astrologer, Medical Intuitive and Tarot Reader with over 40 years of experience lovingly serving people with guidance and healing." But let me let her tell you more.

So anyway, I’m wondering if Troika knows about Molly, and if she knows that Saint Germain is allowing Molly to use his pale purple theme color and his "special" Saint Germain font. I wonder if this is going to result in a big showdown at some point. On the other hand, if Saint Germain plays his cards right, he can probably arrange a little fmf action. I’ll keep you posted if I hear anything about it.

Unless you’d prefer that I don't.

Old OHM week at Mount Shasta
"Greetings Beloved Light Family!" began the email I received yesterday. This was obviously a mis-delivered message, as I am not actually a member of the Light Family, but I thought I’d take a peek at their email anyway. Turned out to be an advert for the annual Open Heart Empowerment (OHM) Retreat at Mt. Shasta, California, June 26-July 1. And I have to say it sounded pretty exciting:

As the Golden Sun shines brightly here in Mt. Shasta, CA the Goddesses, Archangels, Lemurians, and Beloved Ascended Master St. Germain are smiling at the prospect of this year's Open Heart Empowerment Retreat and all that will unfold from this grand retreat gathering of Beautiful Radiant Spirits Uniting, Inspiring, Dancing, Breathing, Sounding, Moving, Activating, Transforming, and Empowering into New Earth Communiversity!

I told you that Saint Germain fella gets around. And not only are all the Goddesses, Archangels, Lemurians and Ascended Masters going to be there, but it’s going to be a veritable New-Wage Woodstock (Woo-stock? Lollapa-woo-za?) of real people. Or, as the email put it, "an intergenerational line up of the greatest embodied facilitators on the planet!" Such as…

• Makasha Roske of Hummingbird Ranch
• Katharine Roske of the Co-creator's Handbook
• Kerrie Dancing Butterfly of Journeys for the Soul
• Amoraea Dreamseed of Harmonic Convergence 2012
• Samantha Sweetwater of Peace Body and Dancing Freedom
• Omakayuel of Dolphin Tantra and Peace Body
• Mikael King of DivineJoy
• Elijah and the Band of Light
• Thalyn of the Inspirates

…and Gourmet raw food cuisine with brilliant chef Bruce Horowitz of the Sun Kitchen!

AND JUST ADDED! Deep Healing Sessions with:

• Maori (New Zealand) Shaman- Anaru providing Romi Romi intensive bodywork.
• Chocolate Love Goddess - Heather Dunbar with Thai Yoga Massage Therapy
• Bee Shaman - RA Weisman with Rolfing Body work and Cacao oil massage
• Sacred Sound and Geometric Body work with Anahita

I’m not going to provide links for all of those people and their shticks; you can Google whomever or whatever grabs you. But that "Cacao oil massage" sounds kind of nasty, doesn’t it? I mean in a good way. "Dolphin Tantra," on the other hand, sounds not quite legal. I’d stay away from that if I were you.

One of the organizations involved in the OHM event at Mt. Shasta is Divine Joy. A glance at their home page gives a good idea of what they, and the OHM-fest, are all about. There’s so much cosmic love resonating in their message that I'll bet it's going to make you positively squirm with joy:

The essential truth is that YOU ARE AN AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, DIVINE BEING having an embodied earthly experience and beneath any doubt, fears, or denial regarding that above statement, you are the one that essentially everyone has been waiting for. yes! Yes! YES!

Everyone has been waiting for you! To show up! To be the change! To make a difference! To take the path less traveled! To leap into the unknown! To make huge choices for your Deepest Joy! It is time and you are absolutely ready! No one else can do your Joy or be your gift to this Great Planetary Awakening! Even us, your humble DivineJoy Facilitators, cannot and will not do it alone this time, we need you! And this time, no matter what happens, you will embody your Greatest Human Potential.

This potential we speak of is your ability to vibrate at the deepest level of your feeling center with the emotion we call Joy. Not just any old Joy mind you! It must be Universal, Absolute, Divine Joy! Yes. You. Joy. Now....tell me, that is why you are here, right?…

Remember, this is not idiot joy.***

You will have to do inner work to transmute old stale subconscious patterns not aligned with your Divine Joy and....

All we can offer is the truth and nothing but your highest divine potential to feel that truth; that sacred joy eternally manifest all around you in every moment, every aspect, every cell, every atom, and every sub-atomic particle of your entire quantum field existence…

And so on. You can find out more about this great annual OHMcoming by clicking here.

Affirmation station
Are your affirmations just not working the way you want them to? Well, Bill Austin, whose healing art I introduced you to here just a few weeks ago (scroll down to "Art imitates crap") has partnered with another New-Wage dilettante a lady named Anita Briggs to create a marvelous tool that will "Magnify the Power of YOUR Affirmations 200-Fold and finally GET WHAT YOU WANT Quickly!"

Whether you’re trying to lose weight, fix a relationship, create abundance, attract more clients to your business, heal depression, clear your allergies, release your past trauma and baggage, etc. you need TOOLS that will give you immediate and sustained support. You have The Secret, now you need the SOLUTION!

The Affirmation Enhancer clears all that stands between you and your affirmed reality, by energetically anchoring the vibration of your affirmation in your auric fields at all levels of your being, clearing the subconscious mind of the backwash of opposing thoughts, hidden agendas and unmet needs that often underlie affirmations and prevent their manifestation, and much, much more.

In addition the Affirmation Enhancer provides on-going energetic support for 21 days after each use of the tool, to ensure that you are aligned vibrationally to match your affirmations.

10 minutes of using the Tool is like 33 hours of ordinary affirmations - with all of the backwash negativity cleared out on the spot. Utilizing this tool will place you on the fast track of releasing all your limitations, which stand between you and your desires, in record times!

And with the Tool, you get an 85-page manual, PLUS, eighteen images of Bill Austin’s healing art, "vibrationally encoded with protocols to clear and heal the most common blocks people have to attracting and magnetizing abundance, wealth and success to themselves. These images alone are worth over $200 when purchased on the Healing Holograms web site (http://www.HealingHolograms.com)."

Read all about this phenomenal Tool at http://www.AffirmationEnhancer.com.

Michael Sun Bear speaks

Finally, Dear Ones, I have an important message from the Great White Brotherhood, channeled a little over a month ago by Michael Sun Bear, "Shaman & Peacemaker, Descendant of the Mohawk, Seneca, and Iroquois Northeastern Tribes." This message answers many of your burning questions about today’s events – everything from troubling political issues to the disappearance of the world’s bees. Michael has asked everyone in the mass media to print this message in their publications, for the future of our planet depends upon it. He welcomes your feedback; email him at michaelsunbear@yahoo.com.

Greetings,

We are Ra Imperial Commander and Head of State to the Sirian High Council, Saint Germain Ambassador to the Galactic Federation of Light, Archangel Michael Prince of the Archangels and the Angelic Hosts, Hiawatha Ascended Tribal Chief, and Geronimo Ascended Tribal Warrior, all of the Great White Brotherhood under the Prime Creator.

We are here to affirm that the Light has prevailed against corruptions by the dark lords who no longer have their stronghold on humanity thereby allowing you your God given right of freedom and to live in peace and harmony.

A stern warning had been issued a short time ago to your current global leaders with dire consequences if changes were not immediately implemented. Let it be known that the following directives under the Prime Creator have been achieved -

The Galactic Federation lightships immediately intervened the planned nuclear attacks against Iran and parallel countermeasures against the united States. The missiles were deactivated at the moment of launch from military ships.

Your current government officials continued usage of high frequency microwave pulsar technology designed to increase the temperature of the earth core has been permanently deactivated.

George Bush senior has acknowledged the directive and grounded all planes scheduled to spread the man made Avian flu virus.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has moved forward with preserving the lives of his countrymen.

All government networks have ceased all future development of current blank slate technology projects.

Secret government agencies misguided attempt to control and disperse natural healthcare remedies proved futile and unsuccessful.

All efforts of military and nonmilitary personnel purposely devastating oceanic life forms through detonation of explosive devices under the guise of experimentation in the interest of science are now being overridden by our lightships.

Bush has conceded to allow the hearing of the Sibel Edmonds case.

And let it be known that the following directives under the Prime Creator have not yet been achieved and the time remaining to act is critically short -

All existing Avian Flu vaccines are to be destroyed immediately.

Usage of toxic pesticides and genetically modified agriculture seeds must cease and desist.

Prince Harry is to remain in England. Prince Phillip will be accountable for any and all harm done to Prince Harry or the men under his command.

Sonar frequency wave technology misused to deliberately harm whales and dolphins must be deactivated.

Commercial fishing vessels that release trawling nets with the ultimate intent to alter planetary ecosystems will immediately cease and desist.

Scientists under the control of government officials and public figures who create utilize and promote falsified data regarding carbon being the causative factor in the increase of beloved Earth temperature will retract all statements and speak the truth about HAARP, microwave technology, and the involvement of the governments.

Scientists and secret societies will terminate all programs set up to manipulate mankind by utilizing potent mind altering programs to mask their covert agendas.

George W Bush and Dick Cheney must concede to any and all directives they have received and ignored.

Tony Blair must concede to Great Britain his actual highest intentions and cease supporting the recent misguided truths that have appeared in your media.

Your commercial honey bee colonies that have seemingly all but disappeared have only migrated to south of the equator. Honey bees vibrate at a much higher level than most third dimensional creatures. They are sensitive to and respond well to love and nurturing much like flowers and plants do. Honey bee colonies no longer have resilience to human lower conditioned thought forms, environments of low electromagnetic radiation, and the dangerous pesticides that have inundated their existence. When your commercial beekeepers learn to value the honey bees and incorporate organic approaches and applications to the construction and care of beehives the honey bees will be back.

We are the Warriors of the Light and are acutely aware of your leaders devious plans to undermine all Spiritual Absolute Truth as we sit among them in their private meetings and listen to them scheme strategies for lustful personal gain of power and money. We have stood by and watched greed consume them as they destroy your nations.

Know that we do exist and we are not threatening. We are a benevolent race. It will soon become very clear as to the importance of your acknowledgement of our existence. Your current governments will soon stage another kind of attack, one from an extraterrestrial nation, to justify instilling what you call martial law to your land. This will be the most convincing effort yet by the illuminati. Let us reiterate that we are a peaceful, loving race and have only the best interest of your planet and its inhabitants at heart.

Allow us if we may at this time illustrate our whereabouts to you. We encourage you to scan your night skies with open hearts and notice the brightest and closest stars. These are our lightships. Verify our existence through your most powerful telescopes and see for yourselves that we actually do exist. You can see the defined edges of our crafts and you will absolutely see the array of distinguished colors pulsating outwardly from our lightships. Know we are among you our beloved ones.

Currently our command lightship known as Cathereum is technologically equipped with liquid crystal computerization capable of transporting us at great speeds. Contact between us is not far into the future as we are all part of your families. We are One.

[Signed],
Ra
Sis Boom Bah
St. Germain
Saint Germain’s lovely female companions
Saint Germain’s drag-queen cohort, Violet Flame
Archangel Michael
Archie and Jughead
Hiawatha
Geronimo
Pocohantes
Tonto
Kemosabe
Silver
Quick Draw McGraw
Deputy Dawg
The Great Off-White Brotherhood
The Illuminazi Party

Well, that’s it for now…I have to go empty out my email in-box again, for once again it is overflowing with messages of love and light. They just keep on coming. Lucky me!

* I realize that lots of very cool guys who are not SNAGs also drum, and are very good at it (such as you, don Miguel, if you're reading this). But I have a sneaking feeling the person who sent me the spam is a certifiable SNAG.
** As opposed to a felony vocal violation, a la Yoko Ono.
*** All evidence to the contrary.

Friday potshots

This is one of those "snippet" days. But they’re pretty good snippets.

"Shhhhhhhh!" Tell everyone you know!
My friend Blair Warren, famous channel for the wise entity Ralph, told me about a great parody of The Secret. This is the kind of work I’d be doing if I had any talent as a performer or a film maker. For now, I am content just to sit and appreciate the work of these talented folks. There’s a trailer and a movie; the movie is well worth the time it takes to load.

Here’s the link:
http://www.guruyouu.com/

Enjoy!

Just off the short bus
Another cohort, Tony Michalski, who is ever alert to the goings-on at the Secret discussion forum, alerted me to two threads that show once again how The Secret is opening up new avenues for emotional, intellectual, and spiritual exploration. My hats are off to these folks; when it comes to intellectual depth, some of the forum members almost outshine even plankton.

Almost certainly they are privy to "secrets" about reality that the rest of us can only guess at. In this thread, for example, they talk about how the Law Of Attraction applies to the game "light as a feather." This one will really tickle your fancy.

And in this discussion, they ruminate on the reality of Harry Potter’s world; speculating on the idea that Potter creator JK Rowling’s magical tales could be based on actual memories of a past life. One person posited that even if we’re not quite "there" yet, we are on the verge of living in such a magical world. To back up this claim he said, "I also read about a book by Joe Vitale that is coming out soon about how a man in Hawaii cured an entire ward of criminal psych patients wtihout (sic) even seeing them! Now that sounds like magic."

Which is proof enough to me of what I just said about intellectual depth in that paragraph above.

What’s going on in Hell?
I’m getting a bit worried about the Netherworlds Reclamation Project, which I’ve been reporting on since late last year. I haven’t heard a peep about it lately from Extreme Lightworker Bryan James, who, along with Mary Queen of Heaven, assorted gods and goddesses, and thousands of credulous fools volunteers, is coordinating the rescue of 50 million souls from Hell. I’m still getting emails from Bryan, but the last few have made no mention of that project. I sure hope it’s not on hold.

The good news is that Bryan is still offering services such as chakra expansion ("Activate up to 8 million chakras, providing access to over 600,000 dimensions (although many have gone higher, and one has gone to 25 billion chakras)"; and past life intervention ("Rather than just help you ‘process’ whatever horror occurred to you, we completely remove it and rework the energies so it never happened."). Visit his Circle of Lights web site to find out more.

The blonde leading the gullible
Swami Blonde, a JZ Knight wannabe whom you’ve met here before, is celebrating her twenty-first anniversary of bilking gullible hippies spreading Mafu’s message of self-realization. Who is Mafu? Why, he’s the fake Swami’s imaginary friend. It took me a while to figure that one out, since the Swami seems to be several different people, one of whom talks in the obligatory dreadful fake foreign accent. Her web site explains: "Mafu is channeled by our blessed Swami Paramananda Saraswatti." To make things more confusing, the Swami also calls herself "ammagi" (yes, with a lower-case "a"; I think that’s supposed to be a mark of humility). I’m still trying to sort out that whole disheveled blonde/butch brunette/crewcut blonde line-up, but one thing is clear: the Swami, or ammagi, or whatever she wants to call herself, is yet another person who has made a pretty penny* with the help of an imaginary friend.

Anyhow, I just got an email today from the Swami announcing the fourth year of "Mafu’s Online Home Study Program beginning with Mafu’s 21st Anniversary Darshan live and online from Paramatman Dharma on Friday, June 22, 2007." Pretty exciting stuff, and it only costs about $500.00 or so. Swami Blonde also sent me a couple of video clips, including this one, which would indicate that she seems to be getting into stand-up – or rather sit-down – comedy. An ex-follower of hers once wrote a comment on this blog saying that Swami Blonde is on crack. She may be on something, but she really does not look like a crack ho to me. What do y'all think?

Indigo-go
Finally, if your kid is an intractable little monster – or just an insufferable smart-ass – and you’re seriously contemplating sending him or her off to a year-round boot camp, you might want to think again. There’s always the possibility that your child is an Indigo Child – and maybe even a bankable Indigo Child, if you play your cards right (see Bryan James, above).

My favorite New-Wage spam service has been sending me announcements about an upcoming conference for parents of possible Indigo Children, as well as those whose kids have other challenges such as autism and ADHD. The conference, which is co-sponsored by Children Of The New Earth, is in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, September 15-16. So mark your desk calendar – that is, unless your naughty little rug rat has torn the pages out, taken a lighter to them, and set your home office on fire. Then you might want to consider that boot-camp option.

That’s it for now. I’m going to go watch that Secret parody again and then maybe get in some pool time with the Rev.

* So to speak. Swami Blonde’s original name was Penny Torres.