Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Dump-day…er… Hump-day special

Dear Ones, I can scarcely keep up with the astonishing messages that are coming through now. We are truly on the verge of a new era of humankind. And as the days grow longer and the nights shorter here in the Northern Hemisphere, I am sensing an enormous increase in love and light; my email in-box is full of it. It is certainly full of something, anyway. Allow me, if you will, to dump some of it on you…

Cosmic Connie: energy practitioner
I sometimes wonder if the words I write are making even so much as a dent in the ethers, but the other day I got a sign that they must be. In yet another Whirled Musings breakthrough, I have been recognized by somebody’s spambot as an "energy practitioner." The subject line on the personalized email that came the other day was, "Exciting Subtle Energy Technology from Russia!"

Hello, Connie,
In your work as an energy practitioner, you have no doubt had the experience of seeing everything as energy. That is why we know you would be interested in the technology of Russian physicist,
Dr. Yury Kronn. What he's done is developed a method of recording the energy signature of acupuncture meridians, herbs, gemstones, minerals, and the other elements, and transferring that signature into a carrier (usually an ionic mineral solution). When this carrier is ingested, the body responds as though the acupuncture point had been treated, the herb ingested, or the mineral or gemstone energy absorbed (!). It has been called "acupuncture in a bottle."

The email was signed, "Boyd Martin, Customer Service/Webmaster (and, drummer)."

Well, of course he drums. Every SNAG worth his salt drums.*

The P.S. let me know that Boyd is "authorized to set up professional accounts at 50% wholesale discount." I know that this is a marvelous moneymaking opportunity for me, and I just can’t wait to not take advantage of it. You can, if you wish, visit Boyd at http://www.lifeenergypack.com. You’ll learn a thing or two about quantum physics and about how Photoshopping ® Dr. Yuri’s magical acupuncture in a bottle can change your aura color.

As this email was not from my usual source, my favorite New-Wage spam service, I was a bit curious about why I was among those chosen to receive this marvelous news. The blurb below the P.S. held the answer:

You are receiving this message because your email, cosmic.connie@juno.com, is listed publicly either in an online phone directory, professional association directory, or printed publication. We send our invitations only to specific individuals who would have a specific use for our offerings. Each email is sent separately to the specific person. We do not "bulk email," and hence, do not spam…

Whew, I’m glad they got that straightened out. I have to say, though, that as much as "acupuncture in a bottle" appeals to me (and who wouldn’t prefer to swallow needles instead of being pricked by them?), I think I’ll pass on this one. But the spambot was dead-on about one thing: I do have a specific use for the company’s offerings. It’s just not the use that the sender probably had in mind.

Saint Germain in sordid love triangle?
You have met the fabled
Saint Germain on these pages previously. And you’ve also met his main gal pal Troika Celeste Saint Germain, who channels messages from him, and whom he has exclusively authorized to sell his products in this dimension. Even though scads of New-Wage capitalists claim to receive messages from the Germ-man, I pretty much thought that Troika was his "special" girl. But now it looks like Troika has a serious rival for Saint Germain’s love. From Rainbow’s End in Lander, Wyoming, I bring you psychic Molly Rowland.

Now, be careful when you hit the link to Molly’s home page; make sure the volume on your speakers isn’t turned up too loud. Otherwise, your loved ones or coworkers may come running into your office or cube, asking you if you’re okay. I didn’t realize my volume was set as loud as it was, and when I clicked on the link, Ron rushed into my office, alarmed because he thought he heard me violently throwing up. But no, it was merely Molly, committing a misdemeanor vocal violation.** So please, exercise caution. (Note: If you use Firefox you may not hear it, but you Internet Explorer users...well, you've been warned.)

Anyway, I got an email from Molly the other day, advertising an event she holds periodically called, "Evenings With St. Germain." The next one is… hey, it’s tonight! It runs from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM (EDT) or 4:00 PM to 6:00 PM (PDT). And it costs only $45.00 US for you to attend via your computer. There’s still time to get in on this great event. But if you happen to miss it, or if you’d like to listen in on previous hot sessions with the Germain Man, Molly sells videos. And what will you get for your $45.00, should you choose to sit in on tonight’s session? According to Molly, "St. Germain will delight you, inform you and help you see new perspectives in this jam-packed 2 hour event."

Molly is well qualified to hold this event, for she is, as she explains, The Voice of the Gatekeepers. She channels Saint Germain and The Counsel of Light (formally the White Brotherhood). She’s also "an Astrologer, Medical Intuitive and Tarot Reader with over 40 years of experience lovingly serving people with guidance and healing." But let me let her tell you more.

So anyway, I’m wondering if Troika knows about Molly, and if she knows that Saint Germain is allowing Molly to use his pale purple theme color and his "special" Saint Germain font. I wonder if this is going to result in a big showdown at some point. On the other hand, if Saint Germain plays his cards right, he can probably arrange a little fmf action. I’ll keep you posted if I hear anything about it.

Unless you’d prefer that I don't.

Old OHM week at Mount Shasta
Greetings Beloved Light Family!" began the email I received yesterday. This was obviously a mis-delivered message, as I am not actually a member of the Light Family, but I thought I’d take a peek at their email anyway. Turned out to be an advert for the annual Open Heart Empowerment (OHM) Retreat at
Mt. Shasta, California, June 26-July 1. And I have to say it sounded pretty exciting:

As the Golden Sun shines brightly here in Mt. Shasta, CA the Goddesses, Archangels, Lemurians, and Beloved Ascended Master St. Germain are smiling at the prospect of this year's Open Heart Empowerment Retreat and all that will unfold from this grand retreat gathering of Beautiful Radiant Spirits Uniting, Inspiring, Dancing, Breathing, Sounding, Moving, Activating, Transforming, and Empowering into New Earth Communiversity!

I told you that Saint Germain fella gets around. And not only are all the Goddesses, Archangels, Lemurians and Ascended Masters going to be there, but it’s going to be a veritable New-Wage Woodstock (Woo-stock? Lollapa-woo-za?) of real people. Or, as the email put it, "an intergenerational line up of the greatest embodied facilitators on the planet!" Such as…

  • Makasha Roske of Hummingbird Ranch
  • Katharine Roske of the Co-creator's Handbook
  • Kerrie Dancing Butterfly of Journeys for the Soul
  • Amoraea Dreamseed of Harmonic Convergence 2012
  • Samantha Sweetwater of Peace Body and Dancing Freedom
  • Omakayuel of Dolphin Tantra and Peace Body
  • Mikael King of DivineJoy
  • Elijah and the Band of Light
  • Thalyn of the Inspirates

…and Gourmet raw food cuisine with brilliant chef Bruce Horowitz of the Sun Kitchen!

AND JUST ADDED! Deep Healing Sessions with:

  • Maori (New Zealand) Shaman- Anaru providing Romi Romi intensive bodywork.
  • Chocolate Love Goddess - Heather Dunbar with Thai Yoga Massage Therapy
  • Bee Shaman - RA Weisman with Rolfing Body work and Cacao oil massage
  • Sacred Sound and Geometric Body work with Anahita

I’m not going to provide links for all of those people and their shticks; you can Google whomever or whatever grabs you. But that "Cacao oil massage" sounds kind of nasty, doesn’t it? I mean in a good way. "Dolphin Tantra," on the other hand, sounds not quite legal. I’d stay away from that if I were you.

One of the organizations involved in the OHM event at Mt. Shasta is Divine Joy. A glance at their home page gives a good idea of what they, and the OHM-fest, are all about. There’s so much cosmic love resonating in their message that I'll bet it's going to make you positively squirm with joy:

The essential truth is that YOU ARE AN AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, DIVINE BEING having an embodied earthly experience and beneath any doubt, fears, or denial regarding that above statement, you are the one that essentially everyone has been waiting for. yes! Yes! YES!

Everyone has been waiting for you! To show up! To be the change! To make a difference! To take the path less traveled! To leap into the unknown! To make huge choices for your Deepest Joy! It is time and you are absolutely ready! No one else can do your Joy or be your gift to this Great Planetary Awakening! Even us, your humble DivineJoy Facilitators, cannot and will not do it alone this time, we need you! And this time, no matter what happens, you will embody your Greatest Human Potential.

This potential we speak of is your ability to vibrate at the deepest level of your feeling center with the emotion we call Joy. Not just any old Joy mind you! It must be Universal, Absolute, Divine Joy! Yes. You. Joy. Now....tell me, that is why you are here, right?…

Remember, this is not idiot joy.***

You will have to do inner work to transmute old stale subconscious patterns not aligned with your Divine Joy and....

All we can offer is the truth and nothing but your highest divine potential to feel that truth; that sacred joy eternally manifest all around you in every moment, every aspect, every cell, every atom, and every sub-atomic particle of your entire quantum field existence…

And so on. You can find out more about this great annual OHMcoming by clicking here.

Affirmation station
Are your affirmations just not working the way you want them to? Well, Bill Austin, whose healing art
I introduced you to here just a few weeks ago (scroll down to "Art imitates crap") has partnered with another New-Wage dilettante a lady named Anita Briggs to create a marvelous tool that will "Magnify the Power of YOUR Affirmations 200-Fold and finally GET WHAT YOU WANT Quickly!"

Whether you’re trying to lose weight, fix a relationship, create abundance, attract more clients to your business, heal depression, clear your allergies, release your past trauma and baggage, etc. you need TOOLS that will give you immediate and sustained support. You have The Secret, now you need the SOLUTION!

The Affirmation Enhancer clears all that stands between you and your affirmed reality, by energetically anchoring the vibration of your affirmation in your auric fields at all levels of your being, clearing the subconscious mind of the backwash of opposing thoughts, hidden agendas and unmet needs that often underlie affirmations and prevent their manifestation, and much, much more.

In addition the Affirmation Enhancer provides on-going energetic support for 21 days after each use of the tool, to ensure that you are aligned vibrationally to match your affirmations.

10 minutes of using the Tool is like 33 hours of ordinary affirmations - with all of the backwash negativity cleared out on the spot. Utilizing this tool will place you on the fast track of releasing all your limitations, which stand between you and your desires, in record times!

And with the Tool, you get an 85-page manual, PLUS, eighteen images of Bill Austin’s healing art, "vibrationally encoded with protocols to clear and heal the most common blocks people have to attracting and magnetizing abundance, wealth and success to themselves. These images alone are worth over $200 when purchased on the Healing Holograms web site (http://www.HealingHolograms.com)."

Read all about this phenomenal Tool at http://www.AffirmationEnhancer.com.

Michael Sun Bear speaks

Finally, Dear Ones, I have an important message from the Great White Brotherhood, channeled a little over a month ago by Michael Sun Bear, "Shaman & Peacemaker, Descendant of the Mohawk, Seneca, and Iroquois Northeastern Tribes." This message answers many of your burning questions about today’s events – everything from troubling political issues to the disappearance of the world’s bees. Michael has asked everyone in the mass media to print this message in their publications, for the future of our planet depends upon it. He welcomes your feedback; email him at michaelsunbear@yahoo.com.


We are Ra Imperial Commander and Head of State to the Sirian High Council, Saint Germain Ambassador to the Galactic Federation of Light, Archangel Michael Prince of the Archangels and the Angelic Hosts, Hiawatha Ascended Tribal Chief, and Geronimo Ascended Tribal Warrior, all of the Great White Brotherhood under the Prime Creator.

We are here to affirm that the Light has prevailed against corruptions by the dark lords who no longer have their stronghold on humanity thereby allowing you your God given right of freedom and to live in peace and harmony.

A stern warning had been issued a short time ago to your current global leaders with dire consequences if changes were not immediately implemented. Let it be known that the following directives under the Prime Creator have been achieved -

The Galactic Federation lightships immediately intervened the planned nuclear attacks against Iran and parallel countermeasures against the united States. The missiles were deactivated at the moment of launch from military ships.

Your current government officials continued usage of high frequency microwave pulsar technology designed to increase the temperature of the earth core has been permanently deactivated.

George Bush senior has acknowledged the directive and grounded all planes scheduled to spread the man made Avian flu virus.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has moved forward with preserving the lives of his countrymen.

All government networks have ceased all future development of current blank slate technology projects.

Secret government agencies misguided attempt to control and disperse natural healthcare remedies proved futile and unsuccessful.

All efforts of military and nonmilitary personnel purposely devastating oceanic life forms through detonation of explosive devices under the guise of experimentation in the interest of science are now being overridden by our lightships.

Bush has conceded to allow the hearing of the Sibel Edmonds case.

And let it be known that the following directives under the Prime Creator have not yet been achieved and the time remaining to act is critically short -

All existing Avian Flu vaccines are to be destroyed immediately.

Usage of toxic pesticides and genetically modified agriculture seeds must cease and desist.

Prince Harry is to remain in England. Prince Phillip will be accountable for any and all harm done to Prince Harry or the men under his command.

Sonar frequency wave technology misused to deliberately harm whales and dolphins must be deactivated.

Commercial fishing vessels that release trawling nets with the ultimate intent to alter planetary ecosystems will immediately cease and desist.

Scientists under the control of government officials and public figures who create utilize and promote falsified data regarding carbon being the causative factor in the increase of beloved Earth temperature will retract all statements and speak the truth about HAARP, microwave technology, and the involvement of the governments.

Scientists and secret societies will terminate all programs set up to manipulate mankind by utilizing potent mind altering programs to mask their covert agendas.

George W Bush and Dick Cheney must concede to any and all directives they have received and ignored.

Tony Blair must concede to Great Britain his actual highest intentions and cease supporting the recent misguided truths that have appeared in your media.

Your commercial honey bee colonies that have seemingly all but disappeared have only migrated to south of the equator. Honey bees vibrate at a much higher level than most third dimensional creatures. They are sensitive to and respond well to love and nurturing much like flowers and plants do. Honey bee colonies no longer have resilience to human lower conditioned thought forms, environments of low electromagnetic radiation, and the dangerous pesticides that have inundated their existence. When your commercial beekeepers learn to value the honey bees and incorporate organic approaches and applications to the construction and care of beehives the honey bees will be back.

We are the Warriors of the Light and are acutely aware of your leaders devious plans to undermine all Spiritual Absolute Truth as we sit among them in their private meetings and listen to them scheme strategies for lustful personal gain of power and money. We have stood by and watched greed consume them as they destroy your nations.

Know that we do exist and we are not threatening. We are a benevolent race. It will soon become very clear as to the importance of your acknowledgement of our existence. Your current governments will soon stage another kind of attack, one from an extraterrestrial nation, to justify instilling what you call martial law to your land. This will be the most convincing effort yet by the illuminati. Let us reiterate that we are a peaceful, loving race and have only the best interest of your planet and its inhabitants at heart.

Allow us if we may at this time illustrate our whereabouts to you. We encourage you to scan your night skies with open hearts and notice the brightest and closest stars. These are our lightships. Verify our existence through your most powerful telescopes and see for yourselves that we actually do exist. You can see the defined edges of our crafts and you will absolutely see the array of distinguished colors pulsating outwardly from our lightships. Know we are among you our beloved ones.

Currently our command lightship known as Cathereum is technologically equipped with liquid crystal computerization capable of transporting us at great speeds. Contact between us is not far into the future as we are all part of your families. We are One.

Sis Boom Bah
St. Germain
Saint Germain’s lovely female companions
Saint Germain’s drag-queen cohort, Violet Flame
Archangel Michael
Archie and Jughead
Quick Draw McGraw
Deputy Dawg
The Great Off-White Brotherhood
The Illuminazi Party

Well, that’s it for now…I have to go empty out my email in-box again, for once again it is overflowing with messages of love and light. They just keep on coming. Lucky me!

* I realize that lots of very cool guys who are not SNAGs also drum, and are very good at it (such as you, don Miguel, if you're reading this). But I have a sneaking feeling the person who sent me the spam is a certifiable SNAG.
** As opposed to a felony vocal violation, a la Yoko Ono.
*** All evidence to the contrary.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, Connie!

How the HELL do you get on these email lists? May Gaea/God/Jahweh/Allah/Satan/Brahma/the Big Spaghetti Monster in the Sky bless you for putting up with it and then commenting on it for us.

That being said, I clicked on a few links and was quite disgusted by what I saw, both on an aesthetic level and on an intellectual level. Hence, my blessings to you from whatever deity you see fit for worship and adoration. When I clicked on the "fmf" link", though, I then emailed the link to my consort. I shall be using the Law of Attraction to make it so. Let us pray that the Universe bestows this gift upon me and it manifests in a most wonderous and glorious experience.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007 10:38:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Anon, I have no idea why I am so blessed; I never asked to be on any of these email lists. I'm sure it has something to do with the "Cosmic" part of my moniker. Spambots are unable to detect irony. And good luck with the "fmf" thing. :-)

Thursday, June 21, 2007 12:56:00 PM  

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