Stoopidity cubed

I have to admit that I got really annoyed with Facebook the other day. Lately they have been cluttering my precious page space with inane sponsored posts and not-helpful "suggested pages," such as a repeated post from Audible.com advertising The Secret audiobook. Like I want to listen to that junk. Doesn't Facebook read my blog? Apparently not. And there are numerous other ads and posts of that nature. One that really stuck out for me -- so much so that I even wrote a gripe-y Facebook post about it -- was an ad for a Manifestation Cube. Well, actually, the ad was for a free Manifestation Training video (worth $149!) teaching you about the cube and "how it will improve your 'luck' and allow your unconscious mind to manifest with minimal effort." A promo vid was uploaded to YouTube this past October.


The more I researched the Manifestation Cube and its notorious creator, however, the more I realized that Facebook was actually doing me a favor by putting such easy blog fodder right in my lap. I came to see that perhaps Facebook is my latter-day StarDoves.

Let me 'splain (some of you may already know the story, so feel free to skip the next couple of paragraphs). Back in the days when this Whirled was very young -- and years before I got on Facebook -- I used to regularly receive juicy snark chum from a New-Wage spam email service, owned and operated by the "StarDoves," whom I liked to describe as a New-Wage MystiCouple. (I believe that the female half of the MystiCouple has since "transcended the physical," as the conspicuously enlightened set likes to put it, but the Myster is still going strong and is even on Facebook himself now.) I never signed up to be on the StarDoves' mailing list -- I figured they somehow thought I might be interested in getting their stuff because of that whole "Cosmic" Connie thing -- and at first the emails annoyed me. I would delete them without reading them.

But then I began reading them and saw what a gold mine they were. Just about every major and minor New-Wage guru and wannabe was using that service, and there were tons of snarkworthy content in those emails. I was then and still am kind of a lazy blogger, the lizard on the rock, lying in the sun waiting for the big juicy bug to fly within tongue's reach. StarDoves made it so easy.

Eventually, though, StarDoves must have figured out that I was not the audience they were trying to reach -- perhaps they got a few complaints from some of their clients whom I'd snarked about. (One that I know of, a Chellie Campbell, even complained about me on a radio show, intimating that I engaged in gratuitous sniping. Can you imagine? My friend Steve Salerno of SHAMblog, who was on the radio show with this person, mentioned this to me. (Here's his blog post about that show.))

Anyway, the upshot was that the Doves dropped me. I was a little sad. I felt a little empty.

But now there's Facebook to fill that emptiness with wackadoodle New-Wage dilettantes who are out to empty my wallet. Such as the guy who wants to sell me some magickal Manifestation Cubes.

Doing a little more Googling, I found a site that sort of pretends to be a third-party site, in that it refers to the Cubes' creator in the third person. And it explains in scientifical terms just how the things work.

Utilizing the Cube as a Potent Tool to Manipulate Reality
In one of the Advanced Training videos, Eric taught us precisely how to use our Cubes to change reality.
As effective as Direct Manifestation is, the results that I’m achieving with my Cube are absolutely mind-blowing!
The Cube amplifies all manifestations because the frequency of your manifestation intent combines with Eric’s frequency contained within the Cube.

When you consider all of this, you realize that Eric is actually manifesting your intent.
In the video, he teaches us exactly how to project our manifestations into the outer layers of the cube. The orb that’s housed inside the Cube is the part that has been imbued.
When Eric’s frequency radiates outwards from the orb in the center, it combines with the intent projected into the outer layers.
Your manifestation is “supercharged” when it combines with his frequency because his unique vibration is easily recognized as a “programmer of the matrix.”
It’s like the Universe programming Gaia with your intent!

And, because the Cube is, well, a cube, it is completely undetected by Gaia. At Kairos, Eric taught that cubes and squares do not register on the Gaia grid, which means the Cube re-programs the matrix without ever being detected.
The Cube is like a stealth bomber; the radar is the Gaia mind, and the bombs are your intents/manifestations.

First of all, notice how the writer brings Gaia into the picture instead of sticking with The Universe as the magickal wish granter (as most of your garden-variety manifestation/Law of Attraction junkies do), or referring to God and prayer (as most traditional religionists do). And notice how the Cube works by getting the Universe to manipulate and program Gaia totally without Gaia's knowledge. That is one sneaky little Cube. Frankly, I think Gaia would be a little pissed off if She knew how She was being used. But let's not tell Her.

How much will this sneaky manifestating and programming set you back? You'll be glad to know that the Cube -- the "1st Cube," that is, the top-of-the-line Gaia manipulator -- is a bargain at only $20,000! If you think that price is a little on the high side, it is obvious that you just don't know squat. It shows you're a small and limited thinker who can't even think outside the box, say nothing of think inside the Cube.

The truth, Dear Ones, is that this is a Very Special Cube. It is special because Eric -- yes, Eric! -- will imbue it with his special gay sex predator cooties energies. Look, it says so right on the site:

1st Cube

• This is the original Siddhis Cube design that Eric settled on over 20 years ago. He will spend an extensive amount of time working with the Cube, Imbuing the Cube, and personalizing it with your individual frequency using a photo.
• Only 20 of these particular Cubes will be made before the cast is destroyed.

If a 1st Cube is beyond your reach, never fear. You can also choose from a $7,500, $2,500, and $1,500 model. All are imbued with Eric's special unique Eric-ness, but the cheaper ones have less Eric in them. The cheapest one has only a little bit of Eric in it and isn't even personalized. But it's better than no Eric at all.



At any price, I'd say those Cubes are one hell of a bargain, even though in itty-bitty teeny-weeny letters at the very bottom of the page, it says this: "The item may not be exactly like it is described. Each cube is unique in design and no two cubes are alike. Higher Balance Cannot guarentee [sic] any spiritual, metaphysical or any other result from this item. For all intents and purposes, this item is considered an art piece."

But don't you worry your little head about that. It's totally unimportant. If it were important it would be at the top of the page in big letters.

By now you may be ready to whip out your credit card. But hold on, Mister or Missy. First you need to call a toll-free number to see if you even qualify to buy the $20,000 cube. After all, this advanced level of magickal manifestation isn't just for anyone. The good news is that you don't have to call a toll-free number to qualify for the cheaper Cubes. You just have to be in possession of a sufficient number of energetic units known as "dollars."

Some of you may still be asking, "Okay, but just who the heck is this Eric person?" You really need to stop asking so many questions. If you'd watched the video I linked to above, you would already know that Eric is Eric Pepin, head honcho at the Higher Balance Institute (HBI). But maybe that doesn't really answer the question of who Eric really is to your satisfaction. And some of you tightwads may still be asking, "Whoever he is, why is he charging so much for his Cubes?"

Well, first of all, if you watched the aforementioned video you would have seen that Eric apparently did a lot of soul-searching about even creating the Cubes. Apparently he was faced with a real moral dilemma -- a conflict between the spiritual and the material. He knows that money can corrupt. He gets that, he really does. But in the end he decided that he really owed it to his followers to give them the best tools possible to help them succeed. And the best tools cost real money -- no getting around that. Hence the Manifestation Cubes. Or Siddhis Cubes, as Eric likes to call them.

I'm sure that the high price of the Cubes is commensurate with their true value, and has nothing to do with the fact that Eric may possibly have a few legal bills to pay.

A few years ago, Eric was charged with having sexual relations with a male follower who was under-aged (17) at the time of the relationship. Eric said the follower was 18 when they had sex. In May of 2007, after a five-day bench trial, an Oregon judge found Eric not guilty of two counts of second-degree sexual abuse, four counts of third-degree sexual abuse, and one count of using a child in a display of sexually explicit conduct. The judge, Steven L. Price, said it was "probable that the conduct alleged in all counts occurred," but since he wasn't convinced beyond a reasonable doubt, he had no choice but to acquit.

Here is one link to a post telling Eric's side of the story (more links can be found on that post). Among other things, Eric and his lawyer say that the accuser was a liar and that he later admitted he lied.

What doesn't seem at issue is that Eric habitually exploits some of his male followers/employees. In this regard he is no different from other New-Wage/McSpirituality gurus of all stripes and sexual orientations. Whether it's a former chiropractor and now second-in-command of a cultish group originally inspired by the late Russian "holy" man Rasputin (and other disembodied entities)... or a lunatic alt-health not-doctor who makes outrageous cancer cure claims and allegedly takes advantage of vulnerable female "patients" and employees... or a Maui poser who calls himself a poet and prophet, and makes the ladies swoon... or a creepy Sri Lankan "holy" man who skips around from coast to coast spreading his own icky form of enlightenment (these days that creepy Sri Lankan, Tilak, apparently goes by the name Tilak Fernando. He's on Facebook too)... or an old-school motivator whose alleged misdeeds with underaged vics has yet to be publicly discussed (hence the lack of links here)... or any number of other gurus who fall into the Guruphiliac blog's category of "Hands Where They Don't Belong"... sexual exploitation of followers and employees by industry "leaders" is one of the worst-kept secrets of New-Wage culture (though of course this dynamic is not restricted to the conspicuously enlightened crowd). Whether it's consensual or not, whether the alleged vics are under-aged or not, it is still, almost always, a matter of one person taking the worst sort of advantage of being in a position of power over others.

But don't worry your pretty little head over that either. Enlightened people are non-judgmental. (Fortunately I am not enlightened.)

Anyway. There was a lot of buzz about Eric Pepin and those awful allegations for a while, including a discussion on a New-Age site called Signs of the Times (SOTT). Eric sued SOTT for more than $4 million over some remarks that some of the commenters had made. Here's the scoop from the site's owner.

Eric lost that lawsuit. Ouch. I bet that hurt.
You can read more about Eric Pepin and his troubles in this 2009 piece from a Portland, Oregon alt-weekly newspaper, which concluded:

...Pepin is forging ahead, gearing up for a weeklong Higher Balance retreat in Hawaii starting May 31. His website claims he’ll take students there on a journey into the distant past and far future, and help them “experience inner hyperdimensional space consciousness.”

Despite such bold claims, Pepin insists in interviews he remains humble—even after a student in L.A. last month asked to touch Pepin’s feet. Pepin refused. “I don’t want someone to think I’m God, because I certainly don’t believe I’m God,” Pepin says.

“I tell people, ‘Don’t call me an enlightened master,’” he says. “I can’t live up to your expectations. I’m going to make mistakes, I’m going to make errors, and you’re going to put me in a stature that I can’t uphold. That’s my worst fear.”

Fears or not, Eric is still plying his wares today, and he will gladly sell you those $20,000 magickal cubes. After all, legal troubles don't come cheap. But you have to wonder if anyone will really be stoopid enough to buy those Manifestation Cubes, at any price.

• One of several discussions about Eric Pepin on the Rick Ross forum :
  http://forum.rickross.com/read.php?12,92520,120185
• Even some of the folks on crackpot David Icke's forum are on to Eric:
  http://www.davidicke.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234949

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"Give us your gold, and never grow old!"

Novelist, science writer, poet and children's book author Judith Viorst has humorously chronicled the aging process for several decades (It's Hard To Be Hip Over Thirty; How Did I Get To Be Forty; Forever Fifty; Suddenly Sixty; I'm Too Young To Be Seventy; and Unexpectedly Eighty, all of which you can find if you follow the link in her name). Recently she wrote a review of a new book by Susan Jacoby, Never Say Die: The Myth and Marketing of the New Old Age. At the outset of her review Viorst provocatively sums up the problems Jacoby's book examines:

Forget about those dreams of dropping dead on the tennis court, or in a lover's arms, at age 95. Such happy endings could happen to us, but the odds are great that they won't, in spite of how frisky we currently feel and in spite of our dedication to a vegetable-eating, non-smoking, moderate-drinking, daily-exercising life style.
Instead, if we live long enough to join the ranks of what are called the "old old"- the late 80s and the 90s and beyond - we are likely to become (choose several of the following) socially useless, financially strapped, physically disabled, mentally impaired, desperately lonely and demeaningly dependent. But even if we have already previewed the miseries lying ahead by having seen our parents' sorry decline, we might be tempted to tell ourselves that their fate need not be ours, tempted to believe that by the time we reach their age, 90 will be "the new fifty."

Despite the great advances in science in the past couple of decades, ninety is certainly not "the new fifty" now and it may never be, and for most people it's probably stretching things quite a bit to say that fifty is "the new thirty." In some respects we've made progress in our attitudes towards aging and the aged, but things are only marginally better overall, especially for the oldest, sickest, and poorest among us. Viorst continues:

...Jacoby grants that, in the past, older women and men were the victims of negative stereotypes and too readily devalued and dismissed. But she sees the reversal in attitude over the last 40 years as a misleading and damaging correction, with the "hucksters of longevity" purveying the untruth that no one need fear growing old anymore because science - any day now - is going to fix whatever it is that ails us.

Not so, says Jacoby, supporting her arguments eloquently and persuasively with historical, sociological, scientific and economic research. For, contrary to all the media hype, age is not just a number. Almost half of Americans living past age 85 will suffer from Alzheimer's. Fifty percent will wind up in a nursing home. And only 25 percent of Americans living past age 65 have annual incomes of over $33,667. Furthermore, by the year 2030 some 70 million Americans will be older than 65, making up 20 percent of the population, compared with 13 percent today. And among that 70 million will be 8.5 million people over age 85, the over-85ers being the fastest growing part of our population.

Jeez, that sounds pretty grim. Indeed, as Viorst explains:.

Jacoby is well aware that some - many, I suspect - will object to her grim view and will question why she so passionately insists on debunking the myth of a healthier, happier, vastly improved "new old age." In response, she cites the late, great gerontologist Robert Butler, first director of the Institute on Aging, who cautioned, "I'd love nothing more than to wake up one morning and read a newspaper article announcing a cure for Alzheimer's. But we have to plan for aging as it is - not as it might be if a magic potion appears. . . ." Jacoby adds, "Only when we abandon the fantasy of beating old age . . . will we be able to develop more humane ways of caring" for the oldest members of our society.

A couple of readers on Amazon concur that Jacoby's book is overly pessimistic and downright depressing, and at least one has opined that even though he agrees with her assessment of the problems, he thinks her proposed solutions rely too heavily on an already grievously over-strained government (a government that, I might add, is growing increasingly hostile to social programs of any type). 

Others still prefer to take the view that things really are getting better. After all, the thinking goes, baby boomers have always been agents of change, and they're continuing to be so now that the first boomers are hitting the age of 65, as this NPR piece attempts to illustrate.

Even so, folks in their sixties are still generally considered to be the "young old." What about the "old old" -- those eighty and over? Things get kind of dicey then, and some people are coming up with creative, if dubious, solutions. For example, for those who are currently dealing with aging loved ones, or who are rapidly becoming an aging loved one themselves, there are "Granny pods." These are freestanding, less-than-300-square-foot storage sheds for old folks -- high-tech, medically equipped, even vaguely homelike, yes, but storage sheds nonetheless. But the good news is that you can plunk 'em down right in your back yard... that is, if you have a back yard, and provided your NIMBY neighbors and your city's zoning committee don't nix the idea. The plan is to offer the pods for lease for about $2,000 a month, which, though considerably less than most nursing homes or various assisted-living facilities, is still not cheap. But the inventor hopes that insurance will cover the cost. If you can't afford insurance and don't have 2k a month to spare, though, you're probably SOL.

Right about now you might be asking, "Cosmic Connie, are you trying to insert a new wrinkle into your Whirled? Or are you just trying to confuse us? Just what does all of the above have to do with the normal (or at least as 'normal' as it gets around here) subject matter of this blog?"

Do you really have to ask?

Given the real possibility of a future where an enormous percentage of the population will be too old and frail and, most importantly, too freaking poor to purchase frauducts or attend workshops and conferences, there is no shortage of hustledorks and con artists who see the need to mine the bucks while the mining is still reasonably good. There are, after all, quite a few baby boomers, Gen Jones-ers, and even some of the older Gen-X'ers who still possess the magical combination of discretionary income and a growing horror of the future -- making them ripe not only for the folks Salty Droid writes about (e.g., the Internet Marketing Syndicate, the Utah boiler-room scammers, and their allies, such as Utah's attorney general Mark Shurtleff), but also for the "hucksters of longevity" whom Susan Jacoby decries.

Deepak Chopra, for instance, sniffed an op nearly a generation ago and was on it like Jason Biggs on a warm apple pie. Chopra came out with Ageless Body, Timeless Mind: The Quantum Alternative to Growing Old in the early 1990s. Since then he has created numerous other anti-aging books, audio/video products, and supplements, and has long been a presence in the longevity community. 

Then there's Dr. Mehmet Oz... need I say more? He's EVERYWHERE these days.

Even some of the New-Wage gurus who don't necessarily make a living doling out health advice are voracious "health" consumers. James "Death" Ray, to name but one example, has been a big longevity nut for years, as evidenced by the suitcase full of supplements that investigators found in his room after the Sedona tragedy. He apparently viewed this extravagant consumption as taking "personal responsibility" for his own health, as implied in this piece for Huffington Post, written nearly a month after Colleen Conaway died at his San Diego event, and six weeks before Kirby Brown, James Shore, and Liz Neuman died in his Sedona sweat lodge. (The rich irony of his using the HuffPost piece as a pulpit to chastise the rest of us to take personal responsibility still resonates. Too bad comments are closed for that post...)

In the New-Wage minor leagues we have people such as Wendy Down. Wendy is teaching something called "Youthening," which, of course, is the opposite of Aging. Among other things she has created some download audios that "are short and mostly silent," except for some gentle music to let you know the recording is "on." (Which is kind of reminiscent of Jo Dunning's "silent" CD, except Wendy's stuff at least has music.) In any case the silence is deceptive, Wendy implies, for she is actually applying the "technology of emotion" to the listener's state of youthfulness. "On the Recordings, I hold various states feelings (states of emotion) in which experiencing yourself as youthful is 'already done,'" she explains. If you follow the "Youthening" link at the beginning of this paragraph, be sure you watch the video clip of New-Wage huckster Gregg Braden, who claims that the "technology of emotion" is capable of curing cancer.

But back to anti-aging. Actually, the conspicuously enlightened know that the concept of anti-aging is pretty negative, and negative thinking only makes you sick and old. That's why the good people at The Satori Method, a "Mind Body Spirit Transformation Academy" (motto: "Big Awakening, Big Energy, Big Life!") have come up with the concept of "Pro-Youthing." And they're putting on a whole big three-day gullibalooza summit around it in Austin, beginning on April Fools Day. Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale will be among those speaking.

The headline in the full-page ad I saw in Austin All Natural Magazine (page 5) addresses the aging doomsayers' concerns head-on.
"Just Because You Age, Doesn't Mean
You Have To Get Old Or Go Broke!"

The copy for this ad has "Joe Vitale" written all over it. Or at least it has "someone who attended the Joe Vitale school of copywriting" all over it.
Directly under the headline, we are promised that the upcoming Pro-Youthing Summit will enable us to "Learn Surprisingly Simple, Shockingly Powerful, And Amazingly Easy Techniques to Reclaim Your Youthfulness and Live a Big Life!"

This is followed by a checklist of some of those amazingly easy and shockingly powerful things we'll learn:

• Discover the formula for quickly losing pounds while increasing muscle mass and your metabolism! NOTE: Most weight loss techniques backfire; this is the best way to keep the fat off AND look great!
• How living and thinking "as if" is essential to filling your life with everything you want! We'll show you how to easily and effectively create vibrant health, abundant wealth & beautiful relationships. [So much for all that "hard work and "inspired action" the gurus have been touting in rebuttal to those who accuse them of promoting magical thinking and sitting on your butt. ~CLS]
• How we stumbled onto a highly "magnetic energy source" that builds massive amounts of life force in your body -- and how you can easily tap into this healing energy and feel it flowing in your hands!
• Our surprising "behind the curtain" secrets to super-human strength and vitality. (WARNING: These are the techniques doctors don't want you to know...because you'll actually get better!) [Shades of Kevin True-dough... or his buddy Leonard Coldwell (a not-medical-doc who claims to have discovered the cure for cancer). Those darned doctors again... always out for themselves. ~CLS]
• Why it's 100% true that you can reverse your age. Once you get this you can request every cell of your body to regenerate and recharge your life, from the inside out!
• The simple, step-by-step process to assure you direct the power of the Law of Attraction to build your prosperity. It's simple, and fast -- you can do it in as little as 5 minutes a session.

[Fake scarcity alert] If you act now, you can get into this Summit for only $297, which is three hundred whole American dollars off the reg'lar price. But you must act quickly, because only 100 people will get to take advantage of this "Early Bird Special." So save your seat NOW, if not sooner, because this event will sell out!

And you, Dear Ones, will have to shell out, one way or another, if you want to fight old age and the Grim Reaper. You can do it, at least until your money runs out, with modern Western medicine, which fosters dependency on a bewildering host of medical specialists, an array of horrendously expensive and side-effect-inducing Rx meds, and even more horrendously expensive hospitalizations at the slightest hint of a sniffle or a urinary-tract infection. I am certainly not trying to vilify Western medicine, but in recent years I have seen what passes for elder care in our society up close and personal, have witnessed the sad ruins of The Greatest Generation wasting away in the halls of nursing homes and hospitals and extended-care facilities...and it isn't pleasant. 

Alternatively, so to speak, you can dodge the Reaper -- again, at least till your money runs out -- with the help of various "alt-med" modalities and the inevitable anti-aging, pro-youthing infomercial hustledorks and online scammers, with their endless offerings of "breakthrough" books and expensive supplements and proprietary programs and workshops.
Isn't it great to have choices?*

Meanwhile, Mother Nature continues on her merry way, with little apparent regard for the aging and the infirm. As Garrison Keillor wrote in a Salon.com piece a few years back, "Nature is about continuation of the species -- in other words, children. Nature does not care about the emotional well-being of older people." Nor, he might have added, does nature give a hoot for their physical well-being.

So in the end, it really is up to us to do what we can to make our lives better, at all stages of life, and not piss Mother off too much, lest she throw us off the boat, or shake us off like a dog shakes off a bad set of fleas (as the late George Carlin would have said). And it is up to us as well to take care of the most helpless members of society: the very young and the very old. I'm not real happy with some of what traditional medicine has to offer, but, in case it isn't obvious, I don't think the LOA h-dorks with their frauducts and flopportunities, their promises of "magnetic energy sources," and their advice to "request every cell of your body to regenerate and recharge your life," are the way to go either. 

Is there a happy medium somewhere? Maybe so, and perhaps Judith Viorst touches on it as she summarizes Susan Jacoby's advice for the "old old" (and those who soon will be). After offering a few practical suggestions to stay as useful and active as possible for as long as possible, Viorst, paraphrasing Jacoby, adds:

Don't feel that aging successfully requires you to be a serene, above-it-all, smiley-faced optimist. If what you really are is a "discontented work in progress," go for it. And, if you can do so, find some pleasure in the world as it actually is, without counting on the imminent triumphs of science to allow you to be skydiving in your 90s.

Yeah, what she said. And for good measure, here's a common-sense blog post about healthy aging from an M.D.

No matter how old or how young you are, there's nothing wrong with trying to hold on tight to your dream, as the old ELO song advised, but you'd better hold on tight to your wallet as well. And if the phone rings and it's Utah calling, don't answer.

* Note: I realize that there is a great deal of ongoing legitimate anti-aging/longevity research, and that there are actual M.D.s who practice "anti-aging medicine" (including hormone replacement therapies of various types), which would seem to present another happy medium between the rather depressing "traditional" medical model I described above and New-Wage infomercial/boiler room hucksterism. (And M.D.s such as Dr. Oz seem to be exploiting the best of both worlds, drawing equally from medicine-based anti-aging protocols and more woo-ish material.) Even so, to take advantage of the latest in longevity research still requires one to spend money, and sometimes a lot of money, especially since many of the protocols aren't covered by insurance.

* * * * *

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The sounds of silence (or, the emperor's new CD)

I'm putting the finishing touches on a real (and lengthy) blog post, which will go up within the next couple of days, but I just had to take a very brief snippet break, Dear Ones, and tell you about another exciting new product I found out about only a couple of days ago. Let's say you've checked out some of those magickal "clearing audios" presented by Mr. Fire and his partner Pat (I wrote about one such product on this post, and a magickal audio product is also part of this exciting deal). But maybe these products, and the many others in those two guys' "clearing" series, haven't quite done the trick. Well, don't give up on the power of audio just yet. If Pat's music doesn't seem to be changing your life, and Mr. Fire's bizarre vocalizations rub you the wrong way, why not try... hold on to your witch's or wizard's hat... utter silence?!?

An alert reader sent me a link the other day to a sales page for a new CD being touted by Mr. Fire protege Jennifer McLean. The CD is an offering from "world renowned Spiritual Teacher, author and presenter" Jo Dunning. Says the blurb on the sales page:

[Jo Dunning] is well known for her unusual ability to use energy from Source to transform lives and Awaken consciousness. She is referred to as a Miracle Maker because of the profound changes which often take place in the lives of an entire audience.

Isn't it amazing how many hundreds and hundreds of these would-be New-Wage stars all possess the very same "unusual" abilities? As Inigo Montoya famously remarked in The Princess Bride about the word "inconceivable," I'm thinking that maybe "unusual" does not mean what Ms. McLean, or Jo Dunning, or whoever wrote that copy, thinks it means. 

But I digress. The miracle that Jo Dunning has committed to CD is absolute silence. But not just any silence, my pretties; it is Silence with a capital "S," for it is infused with Jo's pure, powerful energies – her most powerful transformative energies available, according to the sales page. Each CD is apparently created specifically for the buyer (or for the person with whom the buyer is gifting the CD; to tell the truth I'm not sure exactly how the exclusivity deal works).

The beautiful thing about it is that you can turn the CD up full blast at work or home or in public or wherever, and while your own life will be transformed, no one around you will be affected. (Try doing that with, say, Mr. Fire's robotic intonations on the Oil Clearing Audio.) The copy for Jo's CD says, "Now you can change your life anywhere, anytime, without anyone else even knowing."

(I would be willing to bet that if you're really sneaky, you can do it without you even knowing.)

And the higher you turn up the volume on the Silence, the more energy you will receive.

Best of all, it starts working right away...

As you begin to feel the energy of this special & powerful CD you will
know your life is about to change in magnificent ways.

But there is a caveat:

PLEASE NOTE: this product is designed for those willing and wanting to make a SIGNIFICANT energy shift into a MUCH higher vibrating realm.

The retail price for this silent CD is normally $147, but you can get it for only $97, which is a limited-time offering for those who are registered with Jennifer McLean's Healing With The Masters program. The offer is good through Tuesday, September 28.

Oops.

Well, hey, I just received the email late at night on September 28, so don't blame me. Maybe if you act now you can still get it for that amazing low price, but you should be aware that it will take four to six weeks. (But it's well worth the wait, we're assured.)

Anyway, here's the link to that hundred-dollar (or more) Silence. As my guy Ron said, "It's the digital equivalent of emperor's new clothes!"
Unbelievably exciting... or maybe just unbelievable.

* * * * *

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Greetings from the "lower levels"

I've previously snarked, albeit briefly, about Dr. David R. Hawkins, inventor of the Hawkins Scale, which purports to be a "map of consciousness." Or, in light of the fact that Dr. Hawkins seems to be extraordinarily protective of his work, perhaps I should capitalize that and put a TM sign after it or something:

Map of Consciousness ^TM

There. I feel better.

Anyway, as it turns out, Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale is a big Hawkins fan, as he explains in a recent blog post:

I’m a big fan of David R. Hawkins. He’s the medical doctor/psychiatrist who cured himself of various illnesses and went on to muscle test his way to Nirvana. He’s either enlightened or at least mapped out the path to enlightenment. His “map of consciousness” — a roadmap of our spiritual evolutionary potential — is brilliant...

And he goes on to 'splain more about why Dr. Hawkins is so brilliant.

Shockingly, a somewhat cynical response came in to Joe's post, but Joe rose to the occasion:

# mark says
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…oh I’m sorry what are you trying to sell?
April 29th, 2009 | #

# Joe Vitale says
Yes, Mark, what AM I trying to sell here?
Blessings,
joe

Perhaps I am reading it wrong, but it seems to me that Joe is implying to "Mark" that he is not, after all, trying to sell anything. Knowing Joe, however, I think we can safely assume that he is always selling, and that his Hawkins blog post is no different. (The fact that he conveniently provides links to some of his products in the post would be one indication.) To me that is no big deal; after all, he created his blog to promote himself and his products, and he does a superb job of that.

In this post, though, he seems to be selling more than products or services. Apart from my hunch that he either has or is planning some lucrative joint-venture deal with Dr. Hawkins (after all, he rarely wastes time or energy promoting something or someone unless there's a direct payoff for him), what Joe seems to be selling is something a bit more abstract than a product. He is clearly promoting himself as one of those higher-consciousness types, Hawkins-Scale-wise. Which comes right back down to selling stuff, because golly, who wouldn't want to buy a few books or workshops from such an evolved being?

For us lower-level types who might find Dr. Hawkins' work confusing, Joe offers this advice:

I’ve twittered that I was reading [Hawkins' new book] Healing and Recovery and some people said they found Hawkins confusing. Ironically, that makes sense, as Hawkins’ “map of consciousness” reveals where you are mentally.

If you are at a lower level (in fear, for example) his higher levels (acceptance, for example) won’t make any sense to you.

If you are on the lower level of desire, the higher level of unconditional love won’t compute to you.

I’ve been saying for some time now that life is a process of awakening. The goal is to keep going up the ladder of consciousness. By reading David Hawkins — especially this recent book — you can gently expand your thinking, open your heart, and glide upwards.

As a wise friend of mine noted, "Under the guise of informing his readers about Hawkins, he sets himself as someone with a superior 'consciousness,' one greater than his readers. It's a complete power play. I guarantee that when the comments start coming, at least one of them will be something like 'I can't wait until I am at your level, Joe!'"

According to Joe's post, Dr. Hawkins claims that every single line in his book Power Vs. Force was "tested" to, as Joe put it, "be sure the entire volume calibrated at a high level and would be spiritually enriching to read." Joe adds, "As an author, I can’t imagine muscle testing every line in a book. Hats off to you, David."

When I first heard of the Hawkins Scale, I wondered how people were measured or tested. Were they hooked up to some kind of high-tech machine? Nope, apparently it's all done by "muscle testing" via an alt-healing discipline known as applied kinesiology, or AK. According to some of its proponents, AK is a "lie detector" or rather a "truth detector" – it uncovers the "Truth with a capital T!" in any situation, as Joe might say. How books are tested I couldn't say, since books do not have muscles. They do have spines, though, and AK was invented by a chiropractor (George Goodheart, D.C.), so maybe it all works out.

I found more information about the Hawkins Scale and other scientifical consciousness-measuring/raising stuff on the blog of faithful Joebot Frank Butterfield, who describes himself as "a channel for the Communion of Light based out of Austin, Texas."

Some really big numbers
Now, suppose you are really ambitious and want to raise your vibe level waaaaaay above the ultimate Hawkins number of 1,000. Never mind that Jeezus H. Christ, Buddha, etc. were 1,000, and Hawkins himself is something like a 999.8. (And according to this web site, the SpongeBob Squarepants movie scores a fairly impressive 385. Yes, really; I wouldn't lie about something that important.) But let's say 1,000 isn't good enough for you; you want to go higher. Is such a thing even possible? You betcha! At least it is possible if a guy named Bryan James and his Indigo kiddos still perform frequency accelerations for people.

Come to think of it, I haven't received any emails from the James Gang in a long time. Maybe this has something to do with the fact that some time ago, my name was apparently dropped from what I once frequently referred to as "my favorite New-Wage spam service." Either the spam service went out of business, or they finally figured out that they were a rich mine of nuggets for my Whirled. As for the frequency-accelerating James family, I am sure they're busy with all sorts of enlightened projects. But I do wonder if they ever finished their project to empty out Hell, a topic on which I once reported fairly often.

Remind me to Google that and see if there are any updates.

But I digress. I am sure that Dr. Hawkins has nothing to do with the James family, and vice versa. And perhaps it is unfair of me to have even mentioned them in a blog post that is supposed to be about Dr Hawkins, although I have to say that the James' numbers are pretty impressive, according to the blog post I linked to above. Bryan James' daughter Katherine scored 900 Unvigintillion, and his son Kevin scored 500 Novemdecillion. His wife Lisa? A mere 240 billion. But still.

All snarking aside (well, not ALL snarking, but MY snarking), Robert Carroll, of The Skeptic's Dictionary / Skepdic web site, has some interesting comments on applied kinesiology and David Hawkins. He writes:

...AK has some formidable proponents, such as psychiatrist-cum-guru David Hawkins. He claims, among many other things, that he has proof that AK is a reliable "lie detector" and can be used to determine the truth or falsity of any statement. Hawkins also has developed a "scale of consciousness" and uses AK to determine how "enlightened" a book or person who wrote the book might be.* Hawkins claims he's calibrated The Skeptic's Dictionary at level 160, "which is that of sophomoric egotism."* Only 15% of humanity calibrate at above 200, according to Hawkins, so I'm in good company. By 'consciousness' Hawkins means some sort of developing spirituality. When you score between 700-1,000 you have reached "enlightenment." George W. Bush calibrates at 460, according to Hawkins, which is in the range of intellectual genius. (Need I add that Hawkins holds spirituality in high regard and has very conservative political values?) Hawkins goes so far as to claim that the Wikipedia article on him would calibrate at 400, instead of 200, if it removed the links to my criticisms.*

It's amazing how high the frequency of a piece of writing can rise when criticism is removed. And who knew Dubya is a bona-fide genius? I wonder how my blog would rate on the Hawkins Scale; I am thinking that it would probably be in the negative numbers. Or at the very least, it would be sharing the realm of "sophomoric egotism"* with The Skeptic's Dictionary.

A more balanced perspective
My friend David Portney, a public speaking expert, has extensive experience with applied kinesiology. David, who hangs his hat neither in Snarky Town nor in the Village of True Believers, has kindly given me permission to share his perspective about this whole Truth-o-meter thing:

I've trained extensively in AK and Touch for Health; I actually did take the 100 hour ICAK "for Doctors only" training with Robert Blaich. I have a ton of experience in this area and have been on both sides of the AK treatment table for many, many years. I feel very qualified to speak out on the topic of what AK and/or muscle testing can and cannot "do" or more specifically, discern.

When I heard that Hawkins was claiming to be able to use AK/muscle testing to discern the Truth of A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G, I could instantly find a few major holes in such a proposition (I'll spare the details here).

I then sought out and read Power vs. Force, and although I would say that this is an important work, the MAJOR problem (even after reading it closely and investigating his testing procedures) is his claim about discerning Truth using muscle testing.

In my direct experience, in the hands of a trained expert, AK/muscle testing can be used to uncover various kinds of imbalances and determine the needed correction(s). It takes some exposure to AK to get past the "this has to be bullsh*t" phase because it seems quite odd all the way around, but then when your problems start going away, it's pretty hard to argue with results, and it's definitely NOT a placebo effect. Beyond being treated by AK, getting in-depth "doctor level" training then pulls back the curtain, revealing the how and why it works the way it does. AK is some pretty serious stuff.

However, although Hawkins is far more credentialed and experienced than I am, I take SERIOUS issue with his claim to discern Truth via muscle testing. I can't even find a tiny glimmer of validity to his claim to be able to do so, not even a slight opening that might sway me in that direction.

I think his claim to discern Truth via muscle testing is just plain wrong. Yes, AK is a valid and important tool for detecting and correcting certain body imbalances when used by well-trained, sober, experienced persons.... But discern Truth in any context – past, present or (by his own admission limitations on future) future?--no. Uh-uh. Negative. Not-gonna-do-it.

It seems weird to me that this highly credentialed, experienced guy (Hawkins) could write such an important book with a ton of great observations and insights in it - yet at the exact same time make the foundation for everything in it based on what I see as a claim that just isn't true. The only thing I can figure is that perhaps he "needed" to provide some kind of *irrefutable" support for the points and assertions he makes.

Being highly AK trained, I performed my own little "Truth via muscle testing" experiment - I wrote down about 60 verifiably false statements (e.g., Tracy [my GF] was not born in Japan) and verifiably true statements (David was born in the United States), put them all into separate little envelopes, cleared Tracy of anything that might interfere with getting a proper muscle test, then blind-tested all the statements for "truth"; the results were all over the map - in short, no different than random chance.

It's worth noting that Hawkins claims to have discerned truth in 100% OF THE TESTS, WITH 100% OF THE TEST SUBJECTS.

Now, that is a very interesting claim indeed, Dr. Hawkins. I guess the good doctor just has a way of pulling the Truth out of everything and everybody. Or maybe just pulling his own "truth" out of his...oh, never mind.

Well, Dear Ones, I must get back to doing whatever it is we denizens of the lower levels do with our time. I'll have more soon!

*One wonders how the Hawkins Scale would categorize Mr. Fire's constant mentions of his fame, his expensive cars, etc. Graduate egotism, perhaps?

Sunday leftovers

It’s going to be another one of those snippet days. I hate to snipe and run, but I'm in kind of a hurry.

Q is for "Quack"
"Every now and then," writes one of my favorite bloggers, a guy who calls himself Stupid Evil Bastard (hereinafter referred to as "SEB"), "the makers of quack medical products and other woo-woo snake oil nonsense get a well deserved smack down." The product to which SEB has turned his attention is the Q-Ray ionized bracelet, formerly claimed to relieve pain and improve overall health and do all sorts of miraculous things.

The Q-Ray bracelet could be looked upon as part of a genre of "healing" jewelry that has been embraced by everyone from Hollyweirds to professional athletes, as well as numerous members in good standing of the conspicuously enlightened community. I blogged about a vaguely similar product line, the Q-Link products, in October of 2006. The Q-Link products supposedly protect the body from the evils of electronic pollution.

Anyway, the smack down to which SEB refers is the upholding of a September 2006 ruling by the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) that the Q-Ray ionized bracelet is…well… junk jewelry. Not that they put it in exactly those words, but that was the gist of their decision. Actually, I think the word "fraud" was mentioned too, come to think of it. Now the Q-Ray folks will have to forfeit about $16 million plus interest in profits back to consumers.

Could this be the beginning of a trend? Could the Q-Link products be next? Could it be that the Teslar watch (which is another New-Wager favorite, and which also supposedly emits "healing frequencies") – will be next on the FTC s--t list? It could happen.

On the other hand, if I know snake-oil types, the Q-Rayers will end up resurfacing with another product line sooner or later. You just can’t keep a good scammer down – not when hope springs eternal in the consumer breast for quick and easy solutions to troubling problems.

After all, as I’ve said here before and will say again, Kevin Trudeau is still going strong.

(Thanks to regular Whirled visitor HoHaHe for alerting me to SEB’s post.)

At least they’re not Jehovah’s Witnesses
Lately I've received several comments to an older post I wrote about the hustledork moviemercial The Opus, which, despite promises of an autumn 2007 release, has yet to be released. The Opus, as you may recall, was hyped as being the greatest thing since The Secret, and in fact many of the stars of The Secret were slated to be in the "movie." Numerous hype-y promos were put up on YouTube. Apparently the producers are now in the process of paring down the "star" list, and you have to wonder who will make the final cut. Anyway, judging from some of the comments I've received recently, it would appear that there’s a sneaky PR campaign afoot by fans of The Opus's young creator, Douglas Vermeeren. Naturally, I welcome other points of view, but if I didn’t know better I would think these fans were trying to "convert" me to the Cult of Doug. At the very least they are trying to convince me that Doug is not a hustledork. Good luck with that, guys!

I’m feeling so rejected…
And speaking of hustledorks, I think I've been shunned by some of the anti-hustledork folks on Amazon. I've invited two of them to be my "Amazon friends," and so far one has ignored me completely, and the other said that after getting death threats from one of the ’dorks in question, s/he doesn't know whether to trust me or not. These two seem to be part of a group that calls itself "The Anti-Scam Network."

As for whether I can be "trusted"... well, all you have to do is read my blog and see where I stand on Internet scammers in general, and on some of those you accuse of being scammers in particular.

In fact, I’ve written about Amazon shenanigans before – best-selling authors who are reputed Amazon "gamers," mysteriously disappearing critical reviews, and the like. I realize that some folks may have just read my blog superficially and noticed that I’ve mentioned certain names on numerous occasions; perhaps they just assumed my blog is a pro-hustledork forum. It wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened; after all, just last July a publicist working on behalf of one of those Amazon best-selling authors sent me a copy of the guy’s book so I could write it up on my blog. She did this because she noticed I’d written about him previously. Obviously, she hadn’t read what I’d written.

I suppose I didn't exactly endear myself to the anti-scammers when I wrote this comment on one of the discussion threads:

Anyone who has ever read my blog, "Whirled Musings," knows that I am not a big fan of most New-Wage selfish-help gurus and their products. And I'm always suspicious when I see evidence that critical reviews or remarks about these people and their products have been deleted by Amazon. I am sure there's some funny stuff going on with some of the Amazon "bestselling" authors, many of whom achieve their bestselling status through "working the system" using various strategies. Furthermore, I have no doubt that some positive reviews are "planted" and some negative reviews are unfairly deleted.

On the other hand, when I see some of the same people writing identical negative reviews over and over and over again for each and every book or DVD produced by a particular author -- or, for that matter, when I see these same people posting identical messages on numerous discussion threads -- it makes even legitimate criticism seem less credible. When you do this, you're doing the same thing you accuse the "scammers and spammers" of doing. And you end up looking like you're out to "get" that person, whether or not that is the case.

I'm really not playing devil's advocate here. I just think that there are enough genuinely objectionable things about these people and their products that it's not necessary to write the same criticism over and over.

I should clarify one point: I don't think it's wrong to try to re-post a piece of legitimate criticism if you think it was unfairly deleted. Heck, I think you should try to re-post as many times as it takes if you really think you have something important to add to the discussion. But to copy and paste a single negative review or critical message and put it on every page devoted to that author is just plain wrong. What do you gain from that, except another chance to get your comment deleted?

The New-Wagers might not fight fair, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't. Someone needs to take the high road.

So far my comment has been voted "not helpful" by 3 out of 14 votes. If I’m not careful I just might be voted off the island.

But the thing is, I'm interested in fairness above everything else (well, okay, since we’re being honest here, appearing clever has always been my top priority, but fairness ranks pretty high too). If the "Anti-Scam Network" folks have legitimate criticisms that are being routinely deleted by Amazon, shame on Amazon. I think people should know about this and I'll be glad to write about it. But if these critics are just copying and pasting a bunch of unsubstantiated claims, aren’t they doing some of the same things they condemn?

I can understand the frustration that might drive some folks to copying and pasting. After all, it does seem that legitimate critical reviews and comments have been "deleted by Amazon" – sometimes repeatedly. And perhaps the copying and pasting is just intended as an experiment, a means of trying to get a point across, a way of being heard briefly before being deleted once again. Furthermore, at least one defender of the alleged scammers is copying and pasting his own response to the accusations on numerous forums – and unlike several of the "Anti-Scam" comments, this guy's remarks have NOT been "removed by Amazon."

I’m trying to look at it from all sides, but I’m thinking that perhaps my own dear Rev Ron was right when he suggested to me that it was ludicrous for me to write of taking the "high road" on these issues. Maybe there is no high road here and it's all just too silly even for my consideration.

Still, I do find it kind of interesting, though we should always keep in mind that I am easily amused. I find it particularly interesting that some of the Anti-Scam folks are tagging most of the products they're dissing with the word "hustledork." Hey, Anti-Scammers, I happen to live with the guy who coined the term "hustledork!" That would be the aforementioned Rev Ron. I was in the room with him on the historical moment when he came up with the word back in the mid-1990s. I can almost narrow down the day and time, and I could, if I were less discreet, name the actual person who inspired the term. (No, surprisingly enough, it wasn’t one of the targets of the Anti-Scam folks’ ire.)

In any case, Anti-Scammers, I am interested in what you have to say. I am kind of like the late Alice Roosevelt Longworth, who was reputed to have said, "If you can’t say something good about someone, come sit here by me." I want to hear your stories, and if you want me to publish them, I will, and if you don’t want me to, I won’t. But remember, I’ll keep the forum open for views from the other side(s) as well.

After all, it’s only fair.

Beast meets West, Part 2

Is it just my imagination, or do Western spiritual seekers just get dumber every generation?…Yup, the deeksha giver lays her hands on your crown chakra, and kickstarts the flow of kundalini, the fire that has burned countless naive Western novices.
~ Kevin Dann, Reality Sandwich

The Maharishi, whom we visited here the other day, is not the only beast from the East who is steadily devouring the bank accounts of eager Westerners. These days, more and more of the conspicuously enlightened are embracing India’s Oneness University, founded by Sri Kalki Bhagavan and his wife Padmavathi Amma. Judging from some of the copy on their web site, these two have to be one of the ultimate MystiCouples of all times.

Loved and worshipped by millions, Sri Amma Bhagavan are avatars for enlightenment and God realisation. They are one single avataric consciousness in two bodies. They represent the Divine feminine and the Divine masculine. Together Amma and Bhagavan power the process of enlightenment of the individual seeker as Yin and Yang, stillness and movement, Prakruti and Purusha.

They are like the spirit, all pervading yet abiding in the deepest recesses of one's Being. They are the silent Presence powering the phenomenon of Deeksha everywhere. Far removed from the periphery of the various activities of the movement they reside at the Oneness temple. Deeksha anywhere in the world draws its power from the consciousness and the intent of Sri Amma Bhagavan. They are the life breath behind the any number of miracles that are experienced by the seekers. They manifest across space and time to people when they seek their help. Their consciousness not being limited to their physical body, Amma Bhagavan's manifestation even predates their birth.

What was hitherto possible for great masters, Sri Amma Bhagavan are making it possible for ordinary men and women… Sri Amma Bhagavan do not belong to any one people, one nation or one faith. They are for all mankind. Their vision is not a golden age for any one community or country. It is a Global Golden age.

Once again I defer to Jody at Guruphiliac (and I warn you right now that I will be quoting him at length in this post). If you’re a regular reader of his blog you know he is no fan of the Oneness U cult, and that is putting it very mildly. (He sometimes refers to Sri Kalki, the Mister half of Oneness U’s MystiCouple, as "Kracki" or "Krapki.")

"Deeksha" is the Sanskrit word for "initiation," and a major part of the whole Oneness U experience is something called "deeksha energy transfer," which is sort of like Jesus H. Christ’s laying-on of hands, though more sophisticated because, you see, it’s got that Eastern-mystic cachet. Actually it’s not known so much as "deeksha" any more, at least not at Oneness U. Now it is more frequently referred to as the Oneness Blessing. There may be a ™ or © or ® after that; in any case, you can be sure it’s proprietary.

Actually, come to think of it, Oneness Energy Transfer sounds a LOT like Access Energy transfer, which we also visited here on WM a few months back.

Whatever you want to call it, deeksha/Oneness Blessing is a pretty hot commodity among New-Wagers. In my neck of the woods, evidence of Oneness' enlightenment-chic status can be found in the fact that Houston’s primo affluent New-Thought church, the nondenominational Unity Church of Christianity (which I used to attend), is into the Oneness game. In September of 2007, its senior minister, Howard Caesar, went through the 21-day Oneness Process in India. And the result? Do you even have to ask? Oneness Blessings are now being offered at Unity in Houston.

There was even a Deeksha Camp at this year’s Burning Man Festival. Jody at Guruphiliac posted a video of some deeksha sessions that took place at BM (hmmm… pretty apt initials, don’t you think?). The only thing missing from that video was Maui’s resident poet-poseur Dreaming-Bear, who was also BM-ing, but alas, he was busy in the Diva Boot Camp being naked, suffering, and dreaming up new poetry to inflict on the world. (BTW, Dreaming-Bear seems to have found the true secret to age reversal. Last time I’d checked his MySpace profile, he had listed his age as 34. Now he is only 28! Utterly amazing.)

There have been some disturbing stories here and there about the effects and after-effects of the deeksha process. But that’s probably true of any process or therapy (whether it’s done by a licensed or unlicensed therapist). What really made me raise my eyebrows when I was Googling – okay, so I have a taste for the sensational – was the buzz about a hallucinogenic drug that in the past was allegedly administered as part of the Oneness process. I hasten to add that, according to reports I’ve read, this is no longer done. But back in the day…whoa!

Apparently this drug, leyham, which seemed to be a combination of LSD and ecstasy, was being used for a while in the 21-day "process." Not surprisingly, some folks were experiencing ill effects. Others were having "peak experiences."* Again, my understanding is that the drug is no longer used, and hasn’t been for a couple of years. Still, anybody who has any insight on this is welcome to share his or her experiences here.

Some folks are pretty upset with Oneness U’s apparent money lust, and with evidence that the poor in India as well as affluent Westerners are being exploited by the Kalki cult. As is the case with most New-Wage paths or trends, some people swear by Oneness U, and (as you surely know if you’ve read Jody’s blog) some swear at them. A more balanced look can be found on a rather long blog post (with some annoyingly long paragraphs) by one man who was involved with Oneness U for several years, but no longer is. The comments are interesting as well.

Love ’em or hate ’em, it seems clear that Kalki and Amma and the crew at Oneness U have some grandiose plans for humanity. One big goal is to effect a critical mass of enlightenment in the human race by the year 2012. 2012, in case you aren’t aware, is the new Y2K. That’s the year when the world may or may not end, depending upon which nutty web site you land on. According to the Oneness U folks, however, if their critical-mass plan works, 2012 will see the birth of a new Golden Age of Humanity, which will spread all over the world.

The web site of Oneness U affiliate The Oneness Centre Australia ’splains in simple scientific terms how the critical-mass project works:

The divine plan is that when 64,000 people, spread all over the globe, have reached the oneness state, the effect will spontaneously spread to the rest of humanity. This will occur through what is known as the morphogenic fields**, by the action of the ‘100th monkey syndrome’. It is, as Malcolm Gladwell says in The Tipping Point, a "positive" epidemic. The virtue of an epidemic, after all, is that just a little input is enough to get it started, and it can spread very, very quickly and this can lead to permanent change of a massive nature.

While there are probably enough New-Wage concepts in that one paragraph to make the average skeptic’s head explode, the one thing that stuck out for me was that tired old hundredth-monkey banner, which, though loosely based on a real incident, is mostly b.s. in the context in which New-Wagers employ it. But Oneness U has apparently dragged it out again in order to push their critical-mass enlightenment agenda. (I suppose one could call the hundredth-monkey story in this context a "turban legend," but the Oneness U folks don’t normally sport that particular type of headgear.)

The paragraph preceding the one I just quoted from the Australia Oneness site gives a good idea of what’s in store in 2008:

In 2008 a special conference is to take place at Oneness University which will be attended by many prominent world figures. Leading scientists, quantum physicists, and medical professionals are visiting as well as practitioners and therapists of every modality of medicine, therapy, meditation and personal development. A number of very prominent and celebrated movie actors have also undertaken the course at Oneness University.

Are you excited yet?

In case you're interested in getting a Oneness Blessing but can't afford the trip to India, you can receive it from anyone who's an official Oneness Facilitator. However, you can’t become a Oneness Facilitator yourself unless you’ve spent the bucks and made the trip. At the time I first began this post a few months ago (okay, so I got sidetracked!), the total cost of the 21-day process was $5,500.00 USD. Now, however, it seems the price has gone up a bit:

The total cost for the Level 1 Course is $5,650 USD (this includes a $500 Deposit Fee, a $150 Preparatory Course and a $5000 Course Fee). Of this amount, a non-refundable deposit fee of $500 USD is required upon acceptance of your application.

Then there’s Level 2; repeat customers get a deal:

The total cost for the Level 2 Course is $1,500 USD. Of this amount, a non-refundable deposit fee of $500 USD is required upon acceptance of your application. Food, lodging, laundry service and transportation is included in the course fee.

You may be wondering what effect, if any, a Oneness Blessing really has on the one who is so blessed. Well, according to information on the Oneness U FAQ page, the effects are profound. Now if only science would admit it…

The Oneness Blessing is known to produce a neuro-biological transformation in the brain. We look forward for the cooperation of the scientific community to conduct an in depth research in order to establish the exact details of this transformative process.

Hey, maybe they can get the Maharishi’s research teams on it.
But just what can a person receiving the Oneness Blessing expect? Here’s what it says on the Unity Church page I linked to above:

Oneness Blessing is transferred by a Oneness Facilitator by placing his or her hands onto the crown of your head, usually for about 1 minute. Experiences during the Oneness Blessing vary, sometimes strong, sometimes subtle, sometimes delayed until even days later. The recipient may experience a tingling sensation in the head, or blissful energy flowing through the body, or sometimes nothing at all. Whatever the experience, the recipient can trust that the process of Oneness has begun.
*It is helpful to receive the Oneness Blessing on a regular basis.

It should come as no surprise that the Oneness trend has inspired other New-Wage capitalists, some of whom are in my own back yard, sort of. I guess I’m lucky to live in Texas, a state whose capital city and surrounding areas in the Hill Country are just crawling with the conspicuously enlightened. Granted, I’m in relatively unenlightened Houston here on the soggy Gulf Coast, but hey, at least I’m in the same state, geographically speaking, as folks such as "Crazy" William Cooper, M.Th., LPC, LMFT. Cooper is adept at the "laying on of hands" (and some of my sources have suggested that he has at times practiced the laying on of "hands where they don’t belong," as Jody might put it – but I won’t go there right now). Cooper has kind of a "Christ deeksha" shtick, but he is definitely riding the Oneness train as well.
Then there’s another Texan, Lola Jones, who also inspired Jody:

The deeksha virus has broken free of its Oneness Movement cesspool and is adrift in the New Age™ marketplace, where any knucklehead with a white robe can be an enlightened master, one able to solve any problem in existence by laying-on hands and pretending that something is happening other than dummies being separated from their money.

Along with her partner Michael Abeden, Lola is the publisher of Austin All Natural magazine, which is in the genre of those New-Wage publications to which I once crudely paid tribute via my BLP (book-like product), Cosmic Relief. Lola is also a photographer and a talented artist, a friend to folks such as Joe Vitale…and, yes, a deeksha giver. Or seller. But her deekshas don’t cost as much as the ones at Oneness. She calls them Divine Openings, and apparently you can get Divinely Opened in a group session if you wish – even over the phone. And, of course, Lola is more than willing to teach you how to be a Divine Opener yourself. It's much cheaper than going to India. Or, as Jody put it:

Become your own flimflammer for less than $2000! That's over half off the regular fee!

And finally, there’s Steven Sadleir – not a Texan but a Californian. He’s the guy Jody refers to as "Kracki Jr.", describing him as "an American guru who has hijacked the flimflam of pretty much every Indian scamatar out there." I’ve mentioned Sadleir here too. (Scroll down to "You must act now! Or pay Steven to teach you how.") Sadleir apparently really has the magic touch, and is able to infuse every word he writes with divine power. It’s kind of like that magic cleansing power on the Zero Limits web site, which, as you may recall, is the first web site designed to "clean" you while you look at it. But Sadleir’s magic is done with the printed word, according to a press release that hit PRWeb in July of this year:

Paper, in the form of Steven S. Sadleir's new book The Calling: A Journey Within Your Own Being, is being used to conduct energy that awakens consciousness. An American guru transmits shaktipat to awaken the readers kundalini while they are reading.
Shaktipat is the primordial life force current that creates, sustains and guides every living thing in the universe. Author and Shaktipat Master Steven S. Sadleir transmits energy through his new book The Calling: A Journey Within Your Own Being. The book is a guided meditation. Steven takes the reader on a journey of self discovery as they connect with the energy as they are reading the book. Each word is designed to activate an inner awareness within the reader; they trigger the part of the mind that already knows as the words are reflected upon.

As I understand it, shakitpat transference is kind of like deeksha or Oneness Energy Transfer or maybe even ACCESS Energy Transfer, except it’s spelled differently. Slowly but surely, I am beginning to gain a deeper understanding of these matters.

I did notice that Sadleir’s "new" book The Calling, which was so hyped in the press release, doesn’t appear to be all that new – at least not by Earthly publishing standards – having been released in 1995. Maybe on Steven Sadleir’s planet, that still constitutes "new." But hey, no matter, the book has a five-star-review average!

So how does all of this stuff leave me feeling? Oddly enough, it leaves me invigorated and inspired. It leaves me, once again, with a strong conviction that grows ever more powerful as time goes by: I GOTTA find me a scam.

* I am very much aware that there is a long tradition of using hallucinogenic drugs during a spiritual process, and that some of these drugs (e.g., peyote) make one violently ill before the "spiritual" stuff starts. This is not an experience I would ever seek out for myself, but to each his or her own. In any case, I am just passing along information here.

** Here’s a Skepdic link about Rupert Sheldrake and his theory of "morphogenic fields" – not to be confused with the developmental biology concept of "morphogenetic fields."

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