ABC v MMS: from Humble beginnings to 20/20 investigation

I guess you could call it Six Degrees of Separation from Kevin Trudeau: tonight's episode of ABC News' weekly show 20/20 will feature a segment on a fringe "church," the Genesis II Church of Health and Healing, which has come under fire for pushing a "miracle cure" called MMS.

Here, from the ABC News web site, are articles related to the story that will be on tonight's 20/20, with Brian Ross reporting (10 p.m. Eastern Time, 9 Central).

• Shameless: The High Priests of Snake Oil Offer Miracle Cures
• Husband Says Fringe Church's 'Miracle Cure' Killed His Wife
• Wacky Church Under Fire Over 'Miracle Cure' for Autism

Judging from the noise on Facebook so far, it would appear that the villagers are surging forth with their pitchforks and torches. But they are not, as it turns out, pursuing Jim Humble or other purveyors of this "miracle cure." Instead they're after ABC, and Brian Ross in particular, whom they are accusing of being biased, deceptive, sensationalist, evil, unscientific, and (of course!) part of the Big Pharma plot to keep people from accessing real cures for horrid diseases. Take a look at the discussions here and here, for instance. The pro-MMS camp seems to be out-shouting the skeptics. They are a very passionately devoted group of folks, many of whom claim to have experienced the healing powers of MMS firsthand.

And Jim himself is leading the villagers, particularly on Facebook, it seems.

Familiar territory
I'm no stranger to this saga. I've written about Jim Humble, the main perpetrator of the MMS scampire and founder of that ersatz "church," a couple of times on this Whirled. (My favorite doctor blogger, Orac, aka Dr. David Gorski at Respectful Insolence, has also written about Humble and his MMS "cures" a few times.)

So what's the deal about Kevin Trudeau and those six degrees and so forth? Well, maybe it isn't even six degrees.

Humble first captured my interest because among many other things, he is a vanity book publisher who publishes the German-language works of the deranged "Dr." Leonard Coldwell, the former Bernd Klein of Germany and an all-too-frequent guest on this Whirled. (Coldwell unsuccessfully sued me last year for writing about him.) Humble also publishes or distributes the works of other quacks, including works by the late Hulda Clark, a supposed expert on cancer cures, who died of...I hate to say it... cancer. Through his German-language web site, Jim Humble Verlag, he not only peddles books and other info-frauducts but also sells a slew of supplements.

And Coldwell, as those of you who have been following this blog for any length of time almost certainly know, first caught my interest because he is a former cohort of imprisoned serial scammer Kevin Trudeau, whom I've written about numerous times and whose shenanigans have also been previously documented by ABC News. Coldwell was a big part of Trudeau's scammy Global Information Network (GIN) until he got fired in spring of 2012. Ever since then he has been a rabid critic of Trudeau.

Here is one previous post where I wrote about Jim Humble; the part about him is actually at the end, in a May 2015 update. It was mostly in the context of my earlier speculations about a "Heroes of Cancer" European book tour that Coldwell had claimed he was going to go on along with two much better-known cancer quacks, Stanislaw Burzynski and Tullio Simoncini. In fact that "book tour" turned out to be a "health congress" (frauduct expo) in Kassel, Germany, sponsored by none other than Jim Humble. The "congress" was originally scheduled to be held on different dates in several cities in Europe as well as the UK, but most of the events were cancelled, most likely because of skeptics' protests and trouble with health authorities. (And according to a very recent report on the ABC News site, one of the "bishops" of the Genesis II "Church" in Ireland has been convicted on charges related to pushing the MMS frauduct.)

Coldwell, who as you probably also know is not and never has been a real doctor of any sort, claims to have "the only answer to cancer" and he boasts that he has a 92.3 percent cancer cure rate. He has gushed about his close friendship with Jim Humble, whom he considers to be a fellow warrior for truth: one who, like Coldwell, is continually being unjustly hounded and pursued by the medical establishment, Big Pharma, the New World Order and of course the evil mainstream media. Or so goes the "help, help, I'm being repressed!" narrative so fiercely embraced by the Brave Maverick Doctors/Healers and their loyal fans.

Phony churches offer no sanctuary
Like Jim Humble, Leonard Coldwell also had a "church" for a while, the Church of Inner Healing, LLC, which, in the spirit of Jim Humble et al., he apparently used to protect himself from liability for doling out medical advice. The business is now listed on the business data sites as "no longer active," or "dissolved," though the "church" is still listed as a chartered member of Universal Ministries (see South Carolina, Mount Pleasant on this link). As well, Coldwell has numerous other LLCs and other types of businesses both in the US and his native Germany, so he presumably has plenty of ways to funnel his money and avoid not only tax liability but also legal liability for his fake-doctorin' shtick.

As for Humble's Genesis II "Church," here's what one of the ABC reports has to say:

It would be a violation of federal law to sell such a “miracle cure,” but ["Archbishop" Mark] Grenon claims he is protected because he is part of a church and the “miracle cure” is a sacrament that is not being sold but is offered for a “donation.”

“It’s a get-out-of-jail-free card to sell snake oil,” said [Dr. Steven] Novella [of the Yale School of Medicine]. “You make a donation to the church and you get it as a sacrament? Who really believes that?”

Federal prosecutors have already convicted one distributor of the “miracle cure” who shipped the solution through a company he formed.

And officials say the claims of religious freedom will not prevent prosecutions for sales of such cures.

“The cloak of religion does not protect illegal conduct from prosecution,” said Ben Mizer, the U.S. principal deputy assistant attorney general, in an interview with “20/20.”

Indeed, another MMS peddler, 45-year-old Louis Daniel Smith of Spokane, Washington, was sentenced on October 27 to more than four years in prison. The Department of Justice web site says:

After a seven-day trial in June, a jury convicted Smith of one count of conspiracy to commit multiple crimes, three counts of introducing misbranded drugs into interstate commerce with intent to defraud or mislead and one count of fraudulently smuggling merchandise into the United States.  Evidence at trial showed that Smith operated a business called “Project GreenLife” (PGL) from 2007 to 2011.  PGL sold a product called “Miracle Mineral Supplement,” or MMS, over the Internet.  MMS is a mixture of sodium chlorite and water.  Sodium chlorite is an industrial chemical used as a pesticide, for hydraulic fracturing and for wastewater treatment.  Sodium chlorite cannot be sold for human consumption, and suppliers of the chemical include a warning sheet stating that it can cause potentially fatal side effects if swallowed...

... According to the evidence presented at trial, Smith created phony “water purification” and “wastewater treatment” businesses in order to obtain sodium chlorite and ship his MMS without being detected by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) or U.S. Customs and Border Protection.  The government also presented evidence that Smith hid evidence from FDA inspectors and destroyed evidence while law enforcement agents were executing search warrants.

So it would appear that the Church of the Holy Bleach has its first real martyr, even though Smith reportedly was not a church member.

As for Jim Humble, it appears that ABC had a "contentious encounter" with him. Here's more from the article quoted directly above:

Asked about allegations that he is more a con man than a religious leader, Humble said they “ain’t true.”

He also said he is living in a small apartment, barely making ends meet because other church leaders in the United States have failed to send him his “cut” of the money raised from training seminars.

In a newsletter sent to his followers after the “20/20” encounter, Humble backed off his claims that the church sacrament cures any disease.

“Today, I say MMS cures nothing!” he wrote. Now the founder of the church, who spent the last dozen years promoting MMS as a cure-all, says MMS is just one of a number of “important health tools, to combat the ill effects of poor foods, and chemicals that make us sick.”

Yup. And ol' Jim just happens to sell a bunch of those "important health tools" through his online store, and through no telling how many other sites, organizations and individuals in no telling how many countries. So if I were you, I wouldn't spend too much time weeping for Humble because those other "church leaders" in the U.S. are screwing him out of frauduct proceeds. My guess is that, notwithstanding his cries of poverty, he is doing just fine on his own.

My hope is that ABC -- or someone! -- will dig a little deeper into Jim Humble's offshore scams and hustles as well as the U.S.-based ones; I think that if they were to do so they would be able to scare up some evidence that Humble is far from the poor man he claims to be. My further hope is that maybe they'll snare Humble's pudgy little pal Coldwell in their investigative nets as well. That investigation is long, long overdue.

ABC, are you listening?

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"Give us your gold, and never grow old!"

Novelist, science writer, poet and children's book author Judith Viorst has humorously chronicled the aging process for several decades (It's Hard To Be Hip Over Thirty; How Did I Get To Be Forty; Forever Fifty; Suddenly Sixty; I'm Too Young To Be Seventy; and Unexpectedly Eighty, all of which you can find if you follow the link in her name). Recently she wrote a review of a new book by Susan Jacoby, Never Say Die: The Myth and Marketing of the New Old Age. At the outset of her review Viorst provocatively sums up the problems Jacoby's book examines:

Forget about those dreams of dropping dead on the tennis court, or in a lover's arms, at age 95. Such happy endings could happen to us, but the odds are great that they won't, in spite of how frisky we currently feel and in spite of our dedication to a vegetable-eating, non-smoking, moderate-drinking, daily-exercising life style.
Instead, if we live long enough to join the ranks of what are called the "old old"- the late 80s and the 90s and beyond - we are likely to become (choose several of the following) socially useless, financially strapped, physically disabled, mentally impaired, desperately lonely and demeaningly dependent. But even if we have already previewed the miseries lying ahead by having seen our parents' sorry decline, we might be tempted to tell ourselves that their fate need not be ours, tempted to believe that by the time we reach their age, 90 will be "the new fifty."

Despite the great advances in science in the past couple of decades, ninety is certainly not "the new fifty" now and it may never be, and for most people it's probably stretching things quite a bit to say that fifty is "the new thirty." In some respects we've made progress in our attitudes towards aging and the aged, but things are only marginally better overall, especially for the oldest, sickest, and poorest among us. Viorst continues:

...Jacoby grants that, in the past, older women and men were the victims of negative stereotypes and too readily devalued and dismissed. But she sees the reversal in attitude over the last 40 years as a misleading and damaging correction, with the "hucksters of longevity" purveying the untruth that no one need fear growing old anymore because science - any day now - is going to fix whatever it is that ails us.

Not so, says Jacoby, supporting her arguments eloquently and persuasively with historical, sociological, scientific and economic research. For, contrary to all the media hype, age is not just a number. Almost half of Americans living past age 85 will suffer from Alzheimer's. Fifty percent will wind up in a nursing home. And only 25 percent of Americans living past age 65 have annual incomes of over $33,667. Furthermore, by the year 2030 some 70 million Americans will be older than 65, making up 20 percent of the population, compared with 13 percent today. And among that 70 million will be 8.5 million people over age 85, the over-85ers being the fastest growing part of our population.

Jeez, that sounds pretty grim. Indeed, as Viorst explains:.

Jacoby is well aware that some - many, I suspect - will object to her grim view and will question why she so passionately insists on debunking the myth of a healthier, happier, vastly improved "new old age." In response, she cites the late, great gerontologist Robert Butler, first director of the Institute on Aging, who cautioned, "I'd love nothing more than to wake up one morning and read a newspaper article announcing a cure for Alzheimer's. But we have to plan for aging as it is - not as it might be if a magic potion appears. . . ." Jacoby adds, "Only when we abandon the fantasy of beating old age . . . will we be able to develop more humane ways of caring" for the oldest members of our society.

A couple of readers on Amazon concur that Jacoby's book is overly pessimistic and downright depressing, and at least one has opined that even though he agrees with her assessment of the problems, he thinks her proposed solutions rely too heavily on an already grievously over-strained government (a government that, I might add, is growing increasingly hostile to social programs of any type). 

Others still prefer to take the view that things really are getting better. After all, the thinking goes, baby boomers have always been agents of change, and they're continuing to be so now that the first boomers are hitting the age of 65, as this NPR piece attempts to illustrate.

Even so, folks in their sixties are still generally considered to be the "young old." What about the "old old" -- those eighty and over? Things get kind of dicey then, and some people are coming up with creative, if dubious, solutions. For example, for those who are currently dealing with aging loved ones, or who are rapidly becoming an aging loved one themselves, there are "Granny pods." These are freestanding, less-than-300-square-foot storage sheds for old folks -- high-tech, medically equipped, even vaguely homelike, yes, but storage sheds nonetheless. But the good news is that you can plunk 'em down right in your back yard... that is, if you have a back yard, and provided your NIMBY neighbors and your city's zoning committee don't nix the idea. The plan is to offer the pods for lease for about $2,000 a month, which, though considerably less than most nursing homes or various assisted-living facilities, is still not cheap. But the inventor hopes that insurance will cover the cost. If you can't afford insurance and don't have 2k a month to spare, though, you're probably SOL.

Right about now you might be asking, "Cosmic Connie, are you trying to insert a new wrinkle into your Whirled? Or are you just trying to confuse us? Just what does all of the above have to do with the normal (or at least as 'normal' as it gets around here) subject matter of this blog?"

Do you really have to ask?

Given the real possibility of a future where an enormous percentage of the population will be too old and frail and, most importantly, too freaking poor to purchase frauducts or attend workshops and conferences, there is no shortage of hustledorks and con artists who see the need to mine the bucks while the mining is still reasonably good. There are, after all, quite a few baby boomers, Gen Jones-ers, and even some of the older Gen-X'ers who still possess the magical combination of discretionary income and a growing horror of the future -- making them ripe not only for the folks Salty Droid writes about (e.g., the Internet Marketing Syndicate, the Utah boiler-room scammers, and their allies, such as Utah's attorney general Mark Shurtleff), but also for the "hucksters of longevity" whom Susan Jacoby decries.

Deepak Chopra, for instance, sniffed an op nearly a generation ago and was on it like Jason Biggs on a warm apple pie. Chopra came out with Ageless Body, Timeless Mind: The Quantum Alternative to Growing Old in the early 1990s. Since then he has created numerous other anti-aging books, audio/video products, and supplements, and has long been a presence in the longevity community. 

Then there's Dr. Mehmet Oz... need I say more? He's EVERYWHERE these days.

Even some of the New-Wage gurus who don't necessarily make a living doling out health advice are voracious "health" consumers. James "Death" Ray, to name but one example, has been a big longevity nut for years, as evidenced by the suitcase full of supplements that investigators found in his room after the Sedona tragedy. He apparently viewed this extravagant consumption as taking "personal responsibility" for his own health, as implied in this piece for Huffington Post, written nearly a month after Colleen Conaway died at his San Diego event, and six weeks before Kirby Brown, James Shore, and Liz Neuman died in his Sedona sweat lodge. (The rich irony of his using the HuffPost piece as a pulpit to chastise the rest of us to take personal responsibility still resonates. Too bad comments are closed for that post...)

In the New-Wage minor leagues we have people such as Wendy Down. Wendy is teaching something called "Youthening," which, of course, is the opposite of Aging. Among other things she has created some download audios that "are short and mostly silent," except for some gentle music to let you know the recording is "on." (Which is kind of reminiscent of Jo Dunning's "silent" CD, except Wendy's stuff at least has music.) In any case the silence is deceptive, Wendy implies, for she is actually applying the "technology of emotion" to the listener's state of youthfulness. "On the Recordings, I hold various states feelings (states of emotion) in which experiencing yourself as youthful is 'already done,'" she explains. If you follow the "Youthening" link at the beginning of this paragraph, be sure you watch the video clip of New-Wage huckster Gregg Braden, who claims that the "technology of emotion" is capable of curing cancer.

But back to anti-aging. Actually, the conspicuously enlightened know that the concept of anti-aging is pretty negative, and negative thinking only makes you sick and old. That's why the good people at The Satori Method, a "Mind Body Spirit Transformation Academy" (motto: "Big Awakening, Big Energy, Big Life!") have come up with the concept of "Pro-Youthing." And they're putting on a whole big three-day gullibalooza summit around it in Austin, beginning on April Fools Day. Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale will be among those speaking.

The headline in the full-page ad I saw in Austin All Natural Magazine (page 5) addresses the aging doomsayers' concerns head-on.
"Just Because You Age, Doesn't Mean
You Have To Get Old Or Go Broke!"

The copy for this ad has "Joe Vitale" written all over it. Or at least it has "someone who attended the Joe Vitale school of copywriting" all over it.
Directly under the headline, we are promised that the upcoming Pro-Youthing Summit will enable us to "Learn Surprisingly Simple, Shockingly Powerful, And Amazingly Easy Techniques to Reclaim Your Youthfulness and Live a Big Life!"

This is followed by a checklist of some of those amazingly easy and shockingly powerful things we'll learn:

• Discover the formula for quickly losing pounds while increasing muscle mass and your metabolism! NOTE: Most weight loss techniques backfire; this is the best way to keep the fat off AND look great!
• How living and thinking "as if" is essential to filling your life with everything you want! We'll show you how to easily and effectively create vibrant health, abundant wealth & beautiful relationships. [So much for all that "hard work and "inspired action" the gurus have been touting in rebuttal to those who accuse them of promoting magical thinking and sitting on your butt. ~CLS]
• How we stumbled onto a highly "magnetic energy source" that builds massive amounts of life force in your body -- and how you can easily tap into this healing energy and feel it flowing in your hands!
• Our surprising "behind the curtain" secrets to super-human strength and vitality. (WARNING: These are the techniques doctors don't want you to know...because you'll actually get better!) [Shades of Kevin True-dough... or his buddy Leonard Coldwell (a not-medical-doc who claims to have discovered the cure for cancer). Those darned doctors again... always out for themselves. ~CLS]
• Why it's 100% true that you can reverse your age. Once you get this you can request every cell of your body to regenerate and recharge your life, from the inside out!
• The simple, step-by-step process to assure you direct the power of the Law of Attraction to build your prosperity. It's simple, and fast -- you can do it in as little as 5 minutes a session.

[Fake scarcity alert] If you act now, you can get into this Summit for only $297, which is three hundred whole American dollars off the reg'lar price. But you must act quickly, because only 100 people will get to take advantage of this "Early Bird Special." So save your seat NOW, if not sooner, because this event will sell out!

And you, Dear Ones, will have to shell out, one way or another, if you want to fight old age and the Grim Reaper. You can do it, at least until your money runs out, with modern Western medicine, which fosters dependency on a bewildering host of medical specialists, an array of horrendously expensive and side-effect-inducing Rx meds, and even more horrendously expensive hospitalizations at the slightest hint of a sniffle or a urinary-tract infection. I am certainly not trying to vilify Western medicine, but in recent years I have seen what passes for elder care in our society up close and personal, have witnessed the sad ruins of The Greatest Generation wasting away in the halls of nursing homes and hospitals and extended-care facilities...and it isn't pleasant. 

Alternatively, so to speak, you can dodge the Reaper -- again, at least till your money runs out -- with the help of various "alt-med" modalities and the inevitable anti-aging, pro-youthing infomercial hustledorks and online scammers, with their endless offerings of "breakthrough" books and expensive supplements and proprietary programs and workshops.
Isn't it great to have choices?*

Meanwhile, Mother Nature continues on her merry way, with little apparent regard for the aging and the infirm. As Garrison Keillor wrote in a Salon.com piece a few years back, "Nature is about continuation of the species -- in other words, children. Nature does not care about the emotional well-being of older people." Nor, he might have added, does nature give a hoot for their physical well-being.

So in the end, it really is up to us to do what we can to make our lives better, at all stages of life, and not piss Mother off too much, lest she throw us off the boat, or shake us off like a dog shakes off a bad set of fleas (as the late George Carlin would have said). And it is up to us as well to take care of the most helpless members of society: the very young and the very old. I'm not real happy with some of what traditional medicine has to offer, but, in case it isn't obvious, I don't think the LOA h-dorks with their frauducts and flopportunities, their promises of "magnetic energy sources," and their advice to "request every cell of your body to regenerate and recharge your life," are the way to go either. 

Is there a happy medium somewhere? Maybe so, and perhaps Judith Viorst touches on it as she summarizes Susan Jacoby's advice for the "old old" (and those who soon will be). After offering a few practical suggestions to stay as useful and active as possible for as long as possible, Viorst, paraphrasing Jacoby, adds:

Don't feel that aging successfully requires you to be a serene, above-it-all, smiley-faced optimist. If what you really are is a "discontented work in progress," go for it. And, if you can do so, find some pleasure in the world as it actually is, without counting on the imminent triumphs of science to allow you to be skydiving in your 90s.

Yeah, what she said. And for good measure, here's a common-sense blog post about healthy aging from an M.D.

No matter how old or how young you are, there's nothing wrong with trying to hold on tight to your dream, as the old ELO song advised, but you'd better hold on tight to your wallet as well. And if the phone rings and it's Utah calling, don't answer.

* Note: I realize that there is a great deal of ongoing legitimate anti-aging/longevity research, and that there are actual M.D.s who practice "anti-aging medicine" (including hormone replacement therapies of various types), which would seem to present another happy medium between the rather depressing "traditional" medical model I described above and New-Wage infomercial/boiler room hucksterism. (And M.D.s such as Dr. Oz seem to be exploiting the best of both worlds, drawing equally from medicine-based anti-aging protocols and more woo-ish material.) Even so, to take advantage of the latest in longevity research still requires one to spend money, and sometimes a lot of money, especially since many of the protocols aren't covered by insurance.

* * * * *

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Back to Snarky Town...

...and not a moment too soon. Just a few little snippets tonight, Dear Ones.

Another dome idea
Yesterday I was Googling and Twittering and just generally drifting in the great ocean of online time wasters, when I swam across a web site about an ambitious project called the Dolphin Sound Dome. The Dolphin Sound Dome, according to its creators, is "a floating temple over the ocean," meaning that it is basically a place where a class of conspicuously enlightened humans who refer to themselves as "sound practitioners" can gather together to moan and howl in a deeply spiritual way so as to annoy any free-swimming dolphins and whales who might happen by. On the Dolphin Sound web site is a scrolling quotation that the Dolphin Sound people claim is straight from the dolphins themselves: "When you 'think' with your heart, the path becomes clear."

If you allow JavaScript while browsing the site, you'll get to hear some of the human sound practitioners "singing" to the dolphins. "Listen for the sounds of dolphins chuffing into our resonant tones at the beginning of the recording," the copy instructs.

I felt guided to let Chris Locke at Mystic B know about this. So I sent him the link, and Chris wrote back:

"Listen for the sounds of dolphins chuffing..." I happen to know a little Dolphin, and they are clearly saying: "Would you PLEASE shut the f--k up? We were trying to sleep down here!"

Just between you and me, I honestly don't think these so-called sound practitioners are really all that sound, if you know what I mean. I do think they should be a lot more careful, especially in light of the serious scientifical evidence that dolphins and whales really hate us. You've been warned, Dolphin Sound People!

And speaking of dolphins, here's a New-Agey movie I somehow missed. Darn.

Another miracle in a bottle...and another "permanent" weight-loss secret
I know this is going to come as a huge surprise to you, but Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale has discovered a miracle supplement. Recently he enthused on Twitter: "I'm told this is THE Fountain of Youth http://tinyurl.com/c9nva4 ."

The supplement in question is called, for some reason I've not yet figured out, Astral Fruit – not to be confused with the Astral Projection Pill I wrote about here back in October of 2006.

According to the web site, Astral Fruit contains "a natural small molecule Telomerase activator," and it "supports Cardiovascular Health, DNA Repair, Telomere Repair, lengthening [ahem], Cell Division and Chromosome Health." You can get it for a one-time price of $29.99 for a one-month supply, or get sucked into...er...signed onto an automatic-deduction-into-perpetuity deal for $27.99 a month.

I'm sure that Joe wrote about this miracle in a bottle only because he has his readers' best interests in mind, and not because he is selling Astral Fruit himself, or writing on behalf of one of his buddies who is selling it. I'm sure Joe himself doesn't need another Fountain of Youth, particularly after he discovered that miraculous stem-cell enhancing supplement, StemEnhance, that he blogged about last year. That supplement solved all of his remaining health problems, including his asthma and his food sensitivities.

Something must be working for him, fountain-of-youth-wise, because a couple of nights ago, after his latest Rolls-Royce Mastermind session, he Tweeted:

Told tonite: "Joe, I'm a medical doctor and I can't explain how you look so young." Ahh, compliments. http://www.blog.mrfire.com 11:14 PM Apr 9th from web

Joe provided a link in his Tweet to his blog, in which, in a recent post, he once again promotes the work of his new pal, serial scammer Kevin Trudeau. The implication, I suppose, is that his "secret weight loss" formula, including the stuff he learned in True-Dough's weight-loss book, is what's making him look so youthful. And by the way, Joe also claims in that post to have finally found the permanent cure to weight loss. But I think we've heard that claim before... In fact, I know we have.

Here's what did the trick for Joe, weight-loss-wise, a few short years ago:

I've done several things you've never heard of, from investing $15,000 in a "time machine," to having "karmic surgery" done, to wearing a magic ring blessed by a group of Indian mystics, to training with world-famous body builder Frank Zane, to working out with T.R. Goodman, the man who trains actor James Caan, to -- well, I'm not going to tell you everything.

Of course, I also had to learn how to elevate my consciousness about food and exercise. I had to get mentally tough and spiritually aware. It's been a process of awakening.

As for the weight-loss secret du jour that Joe is currently sharing (and about which he is now apparently planning to write an entire book), an important part of it involves the program Kevin Trudeau touts in his weight-loss book. This program includes a 500-calorie-a-day diet. In his blog post, Joe writes:

Kevin says the diet is easy, which is the only thing I disagree with him about. Eating 500 calories a day (you get the rest of the fuel from HCG burning fat) is not easy, especially in social situations.

A little later, however, when responding to a comment from an MD who disagreed with Joe about the Trudeau-recommended program, Joe wrote:

I also found the diet a ssnap [sic] to follow. What you can eat is spelled out so its [sic] a no brainer. That’s easy. I admit eating in social situations was more of a challenge, as everyone is gorging while you aren’t, but I did it.

Unless "ssnap" is some code word for "challenging," it appears that Joe is contradicting himself. (I know: like that's never happened before.) Here is someone else's commentary about the weight-loss plan Trudeau outlines in his book, which might give you an idea of how "easy" it really is.

Joe claims that the real difference in this radical program – the factor that makes the caloric deprivation cause your body to lose unwanted fat instead of healthy muscle – is a substance called HCG, which, although not illegal in the US, requires medical supervision. Joe doesn't 'splain what HCG is, so I will. HCG, which is administered as daily injections (for 45 days!) during Phase 2 of the Trudeau program, is short for human chorionic gonadotrophin. This is a hormone found in the urine of pregnant women. (And yes, urine is a rich source of remedies. The traditional Rx drug for menopause is made from pregnant mare's pee (that would be Premarin). And HCG for weight loss is a substance found in the pee of pregnant women. Wait...pregnant women gain weight. Pregnancy can make a person huge. What the...?)

The HCG protocol was originally created in the 1950s by a Brit doc named Dr. Albert T. Simeons. It has been pretty much discredited, and today HCG injections are primarily used for treating fertility problems. (Now, that makes sense.)

With the exception of the M.D. who disagreed with Joe on the Trudeau...er...Simeons protocol, the majority of the comments to his secret-weight-loss formula post were positive. (One person did weigh in with her own scientifical explanation and protocol. She's Dr. Maureen Maples, a chiropractor and naturopathic physician who just happens to peddle a line of "emotion potions" that balance your chakras and such.)

At any rate, here's the real skinny on HCG, according to Dr. Stephen Barrett's Quackwatch site. As for Joe, he's looking fit and says he's feeling fine these days. But then again, he said that back in 2005 or so, when he named himself the Charles Atlas of the Internet. I'm just sayin'...

Cosmic Connie gets taken to task yet again
As you may recall, recently I was read the read the riot act about what a rage-filled and frightened twerp I am. Naturally, I was devastated (well, not really). But the criticism just keeps on coming. Today I received a comment to a post that is over two years old. This was actually one of my more thoughtful pieces, in which I expressed my doubts and ambivalence about some of life's deep questions, and discussed some of the factors that keep me from being a complete skeptic about everything.

A few folks liked the post. But a person named Anonymous (I get a lot of those) wasn't at all impressed. Here is what Anonymous wrote to me (my words, as quoted by Anon, are in pink, and Anon's remarks / "rereading" are in blue):

My reread of the amazing philospher [sic] and logician Cosmic Connie:
I’ve never been a big Deepak Chopra fan. (Does it show?) Chopra gets points off in my book for several things, including his considerable ego, unlike my own small, reasonable and totally deserving ego demonstrated by the fact that I've posted my thoughts, along with my photo here, for all the world to study:, the Q.M. (quantum mysticism) factor which he doesn't understand, but I do with my degree in quantum physics, quantum mechanics and Superstring Theory: his former close ties with the Maharishi,who I also don't like, disapprove of and arbitrarily declare a phony: and just the general fact that he's been a New-Wage cult figure for over fifteen years, and everybody kowns [sic] that trends, truths and fashions of the day change and we should move on. Who listens to Dr.Phil anymore?? I rest my case.

Setting aside the fact that my correspondent only addressed the first paragraph or so of my post, which actually had little to do with the deeper message I was attempting to convey, I have to admit that the idea of your Cosmic Connie as a logician or quantum physics expert is pretty hilarious. But then again...well, just click here for my response.

PS ~ Shortly after I published this post, I checked my email, and apparently the "Anonymous" person I quoted above does have another name. He sent not one but two private emails to me that repeated, verbatim, the comment sent to my blog (just in case I was too dense to get it the first time, I guess). The subject line: Free Speach [sic]: A Waste for those with Nothing (worthwhile) To Say. I know your name now, Anon, but don't worry; I won't share that it is John Gast in Canada. Oops.

Meaningless quotation(s) of the day
"The greatest gift u can give others is an attitude of 'unconditional positive regard' -- acception without limitation."

That gem comes to you from master motivator Brian Tracy. Never mind that "acception" isn't even a word, and that "unconditional positive regard" of someone or something is not necessarily a good thing, say nothing of "the greatest gift." Hey, it's Brian Tracy, after all! If he says it, it has to be profound.

Actually, I first ran across the Brian Tracy quotation as a "re-Tweet" on Secret teacher John Assaraf's Twitter page. Once again I was reminded of that "magic circle jerk of mutual self-admiration" that Chris Locke mentioned in the post I quoted the other day. I was reminded even more of it when I saw John Assaraf following the standard Twitter hustlers' practice of "re-Tweeting" a compliment given to him by someone else:

RT @InnoFuture: @OneCoach John, reading Answer, fantastic, your own twits r proof that u walk the walk &have a great life balance, congrats!

InnoFuture, the Twitterer who gave John Assaraf the compliment he felt compelled to re-Tweet, is a Melbourne, Australia woman named Margaret Manson, who describes herself on her Twitter page as, "Don Quichote [sic] for innovative Australia; collector of modern philosophers; hooked on innovation, coffee and Italian culture." The Tweet that apparently inspired her to praise John was this one:

using the next 10 minutes to think and be, no doing. Connect to the source as I call it.

Pretty darned profound, huh? By the way, John also recently Tweeted about a video of his "Best Year Ever" speech, a pep talk in which he told his audience that he refuses to play along with the recession. Frankly, though, he sounds just a tad desperate.

This one won't grow up and rip your best friend's face off
Finally, although this isn't about New-Wage stuff, it is about strange/silly/sad obsessions, so you could say it is marginally related to my normal subject matter.

A few months ago the ABC show 20/20 had a show about mothering, and there was one segment about how some women indulge their maternal instincts by collecting super-realistic baby dolls, also known as "reborns." This topic has been rather widely covered elsewhere as well. On a fairly frequent basis, I come across ads for one of those expensive "collectible" baby dolls in a magazine or Sunday newspaper supplement. They are noteworthy not only for the product itself but for the schlocky ad copy.

But the one that really takes the cake (or, more likely, the banana) is "Little Umi." I saw an ad for "Little Umi" not long after I watched that 20/20 segment (you don't suppose this could be one of those synchronicity things, do you?). "Little Umi" is lovingly brought to you by Ashton-Drake and beloved doll artist Wendy Dickison.

I scarcely knew whether to laugh, cry, or hurl as I read the ad copy:

Fall in love with Little Umi, a collectible orangutan baby doll you have to see to believe, and the first-ever So Truly Real® baby monkey doll! Beautifully crafted, her head and limbs are of collector-quality silicone that recreate every realistic detail of her face, hands and feet. Hand-rooted wispy red hair covers her from head to toe. Offer Little Umi her FREE pacifier and watch as she gazes up at you with gentle, trusting eyes.

This irresistible collectible monkey doll by renowned doll artist Wendy Dickison is available exclusively from The Ashton-Drake Galleries. Best of all, a portion of the proceeds from your purchase of Little Umi will be donated to support rainforest preservation! Don't wait to let your love for Little Umi nurture the miracle of birth and life across our beautiful world. Strong demand is expected, so order now!

In regard to the title I chose for this snippet*, I am aware that "Little Umi" is a baby orangutan (and, of course, not a live one),** whereas the ape that was recently in the news for attacking a woman was an adult chimpanzee (and, though once alive, no longer is). However, I think that maybe the kind of people who would buy a monkey doll are precisely the kind who should be reminded that orangutans, though cute and cuddly when infants, are just as dangerous to humans when they grow up as chimps are.

Unfortunately, these facts haven't stopped some people from trying to adopt apes as pets. And, of course, the apes' smaller brethren, monkeys, have long been popular pets (or at least they are popular until their owners find out how loud and messy monkeys really are). Take a look at this early-1960s back-pages magazine ad:

By the way, if you really want to get p.o.'d about how humans treat some of our fellow primates, click here.

Oh, but I don't want you to leave mad. I want you to leave here charmed and delighted. Here, then, is some real live cuteness. Yes, it's captive cuteness, but captive presumably in the interests of preserving a species rather than indulging someone's longing for an exotic pet.

So...from snarky to Snuzzy: that's quite a trip, and I'm tired. But I'll be back soon.

And more than likely, I'll be snarking.

* My alternative title was "Ape misbehavin'"...but I think I used that somewhere before.
** Memo to people actually considering buying this item: You do know that "Little Umi" is not a live monkey and is not literally gazing at you with trusting eyes, right?

What's it all about? Algae?

About a year and a half ago I did a drive-by snark about a company that peddles a supplement, StemEnhance, which purportedly enhances adult stem-cell production (click here and scroll down to the second item, "What have you done for your stem cells lately?"). In the months after that, I would occasionally hear of a friend or associate who was trying to make some extra bucks by pushing this supplement, which is sold via a worldwide MLM network. I would just smile and shake my head and think, "Well, I guess we all have to make a living. As long as they're not hurting anyone..."


Now comes the news that Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale himself has discovered this miracle substance, and he claims that after two weeks of taking twice the recommended dosage, his asthma is gone, his allergies are gone, his anxiety attacks are gone, many of his aches and pains are history, and even his food sensitivities are going away. Joe has a long history of involvement in various MLM programs, all of which made him excited beyond belief, but this one... oh, my, this one is simply miraculous.

One of Joe's most loyal followers expressed concern, not only about the potential health hazards of the blue-green algae that is apparently the main active ingredient in this supplement, but also about the business practices of the company that produces the supplement.

1. amyj + energy = bliss says

   Oh Joe, I am really sorry to report this. But Cell Tech, who had dubious business dealings and issues with the toxicity of their product, is the same company. Jen’s article by a doctor (which is peer reviewed) specifically identifies the same Christian Drapeau (the guy behind the science). “Christian Drapeau, Cell Tech’s Director of Research” and it goes on to cite Cell Tech’s and even their predecessor (another name it seems) less than desirable behavior.

   I am surprised you missed this. There are many interesting statements in there that I won’t elaborate on here, but I do recommend that people do take a look at this article prior to making up their mind to consume this supplement or sell it to others. http://www.tldp.com/issue/167/algae.html

   Joe, please consider cutting back to the 2 recommended capsules. If it the possibility of it containing toxins exists, you are doubling your risk by taking more than the recommended dose. Would like to have you around another 40 years or more!

   In Joy and Gratitude,

   Amy

   July 7th, 2008

2. Joe Vitale says:

   Hi Amy. I didn’t miss anything. As I said in my blog, I already researched the company, the product and even communicated with the scientist behind it all. Saying the company used to be CellTech is a little like saying I used to work for Exxon so don’t deal with me. A new company is a new company. The past does not equal the future. At any rate, if the past alarms you, then please don’t use the product, as you’ll just attract problems with it. I appreciate the loving concern and know it comes from a good place.
   Blessings,
   joe

"The past does not equal the future." So sez Mr. Fire. I wonder if he's heard that aphorism about the leopard not changing its spots? Anyway, I guess you could say this attitude goes a long way towards explaining why he doesn't seem to be fazed by any accusations against his new best friend,* David Schirmer, who has featured Joe not once but twice in his Succeed Magazine.

Most revealing in the above statement, however, is Joe's declaration that if someone is alarmed by the potential dangers of the product (and/or the shady bidness dealings of those who produce or sell the item), then they will certainly "attract" problems, so maybe they'd best leave it alone. In other words, if it doesn't work or if it does them harm, well, by golly, it's their own fault.

Here's a link to a post on the delightful bayblab blog** about StemEnhance and the "scientist behind it all," Christian Drapeau. This post in turn links to a page presenting Dr. Stephen "Quackwatch" Barrett's take on the product.

So, is StemEnhance helpful, harmful, or just plain useless? Time will tell. As for Mr. Fire, he's already known as the "Buddha of the Internet" and the "Charles Atlas of the Internet" (nicknames he apparently gave himself). To these impressive credentials, should another be added – "The Irwin Mainway of the Internet"?***

By the way, the makers of StemEnhance also have formulas for some of our animal friends. As Kamel, the blogger who wrote the bayblab post I linked to above, put it, "I think I'll buy some for my duck. Quack, quack, quack."

PS added July 8 ~ In case you haven't seen this article about the hazards of certain kinds of blue-green algae – and the arrogant behavior of the scientist behind StemEnhance, Christian Drapeau – here's a link. It's pretty eye-opening and makes you wonder if perhaps Mr. Fire has become more than a distributor and consumer of StemEnhance (highly paid spokesman, perhaps?).

* In Schirmer's view, anyway.
** By their own description, "The bayblab is a collection of gradstudent ramblings from a cancer lab in Ottawa, Canada." In other words, real scientists in training.
*** Re "Irwin Mainway": Thanks to our own Rev Ron for evoking this hilarious classic SNL skit.

And now for something completely real

Okay, I admit it. I’ve been having fun spoofing around on this blog for the past couple of posts. But it occurs to me that this is somewhat irresponsible of me, since there’s so much real news to share, and, after all, Whirled Musings has traditionally been an unimpeachable source* for that news.

So I have decided to devote this post to sharing a few items that, like Dave Barry, I did not make up. And I promise not to make fun of The Secret.**

Sniff this!
You can never get too much aromatherapy these days. Reebok, taking note of this, has in recent months introduced their line of Zan Chi aromatherapy tank tops with built-in sports bras. The catch is, you have to work for your therapy, because the aroma doesn’t actually manifest until you start sweating. You have your choice of peppermint to pep you up, or lavender to wind you down, and the scents are said to last through 25 washings. The only glitch is that some women are horrendously allergic to the aromas. Oops!

In related news, Playtex now offers auratherapy tampons that cleanse the wearer’s aura of those "cranky vibes" that are the root cause of PMS. And don’t think that the guys and geezers have been ignored in the enlightened personal products marketplace. Trojan has just introduced a line of Embrace Your Male Energy sexual and spiritual enhancement products. Included are the "Rod of Power" condoms, which are saturated with essence of yohimbe and horny goat weed to head off, so to speak, any potential ED situations. Also available is the "Divining Rod" series, saturated with a number of proprietary ingredients that have been scientifically proven to balance a man’s chakras while helping him locate his partner's G-spot. And for the age-advanced crowd, Kimberly-Clarke, maker of Depend® Underwear, is test-marketing a line of aromatherapy incontinence products.***

What have you done for your stem cells lately?
I did not make that question up. It was the subject line of an email I got the other day. There’s this new stem-cell-enhancing supplement called, not surprisingly, StemEnhance^TM – "the latest phytoceutical breakthrough" – and it has lots of real science to back it up. At only $59.95 for a month’s supply (less per bottle if you sign up for automatic monthly shipments), it’s guaranteed to increase your stem cell production by…well, I forget the percentage point, but it’s pretty darned impressive, as I recall. Or at least it is guaranteed to "support stem cell production." Hey, I've always been a supporter of stem cell production. And stem cell research, too, for that matter.

Anyway, just between you and me and the folks who sent me that email, it doesn’t even matter whether the supplement actually works. What matters is that you can make tons of money convincing other people it works. Here’s what the email said:

Enhance your ABUNDANCE and PROSPERITY while you enhance your STEM CELLS HEALTH! (You can receive 6 checks a month!). Find out how to maximize your profits by starting out with the Fast-Start Program. (Distributors can earn a VERY SUBSTANTIAL income!) http://narcisos.stemtechhealth.com/

Let’s hear it for the New Wage!

Nano, nano
And, speaking of the New Wage, I'm continually wowed by the fact that the New Wagers have so much modern science on their side. Not only do they have quantum physics to back up many of their claims and inspire them to make idiotic underground movies, but now they have nanotechnology as well. Cool, huh? Not too long ago, I got an email telling me about a wonderful new opportunity for me to make money by selling nanotechnology patches made by LifeWave ("Software For The Human Body"). The patches can do all sorts of terrific things for my bloodstream and, more importantly, for my income stream. The email was not directly from LifeWave but from a person who is involved in an MLM program selling their products. Here’s what she said:

It is not a new product, but an entirely new category of focused energy for the body that uses nanotechnology and signal induction. It is "Star Trek" stuff—but the results, the documentation, and the university studies are too good to ignore.

You will understand when you try them for yourself. I believe so strongly that you'll agree, that I'm offering a FREE SAMPLE for you and anyone in your database….

The best thing is that once you are confident in the power of the technology, you can create a significant passive income stream just by sending out an email like this one. When anyone in your database gets the free sample, experiences the benefits (and they will), you get paid every time they order the product—automatically.

And here’s how the patches work (bold and italics are all the sender’s):

The technology is a non-transdermal patch that goes on the skin, but NOTHING enters the body except an "electro-chemical signal" to create more energy and burn fat. The patch technology triggers the release of long chain fatty acids that result in more ATP availability to the cell mitochondria. In a nutshell, this means 20-40% more stamina and energy. (This has been documented and proven in double blind, placebo controlled, peer reviewed studies!) The patches also open up the energy flow in the meridians, much like acupuncture but without the needles.

The most interesting thing is that the patches can be programmed to send a message through signal induction and create ANY biological process: release seratonin [sic], produce endorphins, build collagen in the face...there is no limit.

The main benefit seems to be that the patches can increase glutathione in the blood by 300% "in 24 hours with no chemicals or drugs." (That's a 3D model of glutathione pictured above.) Glutathione has a role in cell defense, among other things.

I did actually read some of the scientific data on the LifeWave web site, and I watched one of their videos. The backers of the products claim that the amazing results are not anecdotal but have been proven in double-blind studies.

A double blind placebo controlled study was performed to independently examine the effectiveness of the LifeWave Skin Care/Glutathione patch in being able to elevate blood levels of Glutathione over a period of 24 hours and several days. Baseline data was collected for all subjects; the average Blood Glutathione levels for all individuals was an average of 2020 umole/L as displayed by the graph on the left ("Normal" value). After 24 hours of using the LifeWave Skin Care/Glutathione patch, the average blood Glutathione levels of all individuals was 7326 umole/L. This means that within 24 hours of using the LifeWave Skin Care/Glutathione patch the average increase in Glutathione is over 3 TIMES HIGHER than normal. The graph on the right shows how over a period of 24 hours blood Glutathione levels increase dramatically for LifeWave patch users versus not using the LifeWave Skin Care patch.

Now, if you’re paying attention you will notice that the scientifically proven result they are talking about is simply the elevation of blood levels of glutathione. They aren’t talking about the actual effects of those elevated levels. They're not saying it's been double-blind-proven that wearing one of these patches will in fact straighten out those wrinkles, melt that cellulite away, and give you unlimited energy. And as I explored their material, it seemed to me that the only evidence that elevated blood levels of glutathione offer all those glorious promised benefits was…well…anecdotal.

In the obligatory CYA with the FDA, AMA, et al., the email added, "We make no medical claims. But as you know...when the energy flows...the body has an amazing capacity to heal itself."

LifeWave products also have the backing of the business world. Or, rather, nanotechnology has been written about in business magazines:

According to Forbes Magazine, "Nanotechnology is destined to completely change our world and the way we live!" And, according to Business Week, "Those who discover this new technology are destined to be wealthy."

Apparently, however, the only way you can order the LifeWave nano-patches is to become involved in an MLM program yourself. You can get free samples from the MLM-er who sent the email, but you pretty much have to lock yourself into signing onto the program. If you just want to order the products without selling them, forget it. There isn’t even a price list on the LifeWave web site. If you click "order now" you just get a toll-free Customer Service number. And even if you click "sign up" you still get the toll-free Customer Service number.

It’s all about the MLM.

But so what if the patches don’t actually do anything, and so what if you have to sign up for an MLM program in order to even try them out? That is not important. What’s important is that you can make money off of this stuff. It’s definitely something to consider as a supplement to your income as an Intuitive Reader or Law of Attraction Coach.****

More good reasons to raise your vibes
Just in case you haven’t been attending to your own personal vibrations (and no, those battery-powered "accessories" don’t count; I’ve already checked), here are more good reasons we should all strive to raise our individual frequencies. Extreme Lightworker Bryan James sent me an email ’splaining it all. You need to raise your vibes because…

1. The Holy Ones and beings from all dimensions know who we are immediately because we shine like a lighthouse on a dark, stormy night. They then look to support us in our spiritual work for the planet. And as our frequency increases, more come to help us (even fairies, trees, flowers, animals, etc.)
2. The higher frequency helps us to overcome the pulls of the lower energies much easier than before. Overcoming isn't as big of a struggle, as Paul used to call it, "Warring against the flesh."
3. It enhances our other spiritual work, whatever that may be, commensurate with our frequency.
4. It 'calibrates' our blueprint to be able to assimilate and utilize more advanced spiritual tools, such as the current 7 templates. There are many more of these that we can offer people once they get their frequencies higher (which several are doing!).
5. For those taking part in the Extreme Lightwork training, it qualifies us to claim a certain level of 'Dominion' over the Earth, Solar System, Galaxy and Universe.
6. The higher our frequencies are, the easier it is for the Holy Ones to communicate with us, and provide us clear instructions.

So keep working on raising those frequencies, and I guarantee you will notice an improvement in the quality of those voices in your head. By fortunate happenstance, Bryan James sells Frequency Acceleration packages.

Now get busy! Work on your frequencies. Be kind to your stem cells. And let me know if that nano-patch and the aromatherapy bra work.

* Ranking right up there, news-source-wise, with The Weekly World News.
** Although I suspect there are a few Secretrons who are…um…secretly disappointed when I don’t make fun of their guiding light.
*** Okay, I got a little carried away again and made up the products in the second paragraph. My apologies to Trojan and Kimberly-Clarke. But the Reebok aromatherapy products are real.
**** Oops, I almost broke my promise.

One pill makes you larger…

No, I’m not talking about those male-member enlargers or performance-enhancement pills that you read about dozens of times every day in emails from severely English-challenged entrepreneurs.* The pill we’re going to look at today is one that will expand your consciousness, not your Johnson (or your guy’s Johnson, if you’re a woman). I made a passing mention of this pill in yesterday’s entry, but it really deserves its very own post.

The magical supplement is called Magneurol6-S™, and although it has apparently been out a year or more, I only learned of it yesterday when Googling astral projection. In the sidebar ad, the product was touted as an astral projection pill, but it does ever so much more. "Paranormal pill rapidly delivers outstanding results within the arenas of Astral Projection, O.B.E. [out-of-body experience], Remote Viewing and paranormal like abilities!" promised the copy. "Magneurol6-S™ is noted to give results as quickly as 30 minutes from initial use, delivering a cascade of outstanding paranormal experiences."

I had to find out more, so I cyber-projected to the home page, where I was greeted with more enthusiastic copy:

Mysterious Magnetic Property Delivers
Powerful Mind Expansion!
Mysterious One-Celled Bacteria discovered to work with magnetic fields!**
Unique Magnetic Properties have been found in the cell and brain tissues of all animals including humans, explaining Extraordinary Animal Sixth Sense...
Use This Discovery to Surpass
Current Human Capabilities by 3,000 Years!

Ah, yes, magnetic properties. I was definitely on familiar ground now. For years, cutting-edge hustledorks have been promoting the miraculous power of magnets. Magnets, they claim, can heal the sick, raise the dead, make the little girls talk outta their heads…oh, wait, that’s The Seventh Son. But magnets are pretty impressive too. And why wouldn’t they be? "Magnet" comes from the same root word as "magic," after all.***

While some closed-minded naysayers totally dismiss the merits of magnet therapy, the edge marketers know better. And I gotta admit that it’s pretty hard to argue with the logic of the Magneurol6-S folks:

Magnetism is one of the most pervasive features of the Universe, with planets, stars and entire galaxies all having associated magnetic fields. It is now possible to tap into a unifying universal force! The potential of this amazing discovery and the realization that we are now able to safely introduce it to our bodies ecosystem creates stunning possibilities to its true application and how it will possibly quantum leap humankind.

(Speaking of English-challenged…)

Looking at the list of ingredients of Magneurol6-S, you might think it’s just another megavitamin supplement. But there is one additional ingredient called magnetitum that purportedly sets this pill apart from everything else on the market. Magnetitum is derived from magnetite, a mineral that is – you guessed it – naturally magnetic. Composed chiefly of iron oxide, it is known in Chinese medicine as Ci Shi, and is indicated for a variety of ailments ranging from dizziness to insomnia to rectal prolapse (don’t even ask. You are better off not knowing). "Animals possess magnetite in their brains and now scientists discover Humans also have it!" exclaims the copy on the Magneurol6-S web site.

We are told that Magneurol6-S has "a unique proprietary blend of specific magnetized properties which compliment cells naturally occurring within your body." Hmmm…they compliment cells? Does that mean these properties are capable of whispering things to our cells to make them feel good? That is really pretty remarkable. Talk about motivation at the most primal level.
To further elucidate the science behind the formula, the Mag6-S folks also present information about "Micro-sized, One-cell Bacteria" that are billions of years more advanced than we are:

These micro-sized, one-cell bacteria, beat humans to the discovery of the magnetic compass by billions of years! Since that time intrigued scientists have discovered micro-bits of magnetite inside many animals such as Dolphins, Sea Turtles, Salmon, Butterflies, Whales, Honeybees, Homing pigeons and a host of others! Whales will migrate over 3,500 miles. Butterflies migrate over 2,796 miles. That distance is roughly 150,000,000 times the average butterfly's body length of 3 centimeters. All of these migratory species demonstrate a mysterious sensory that accurately guides and informs them and they all have magnetite in common!

Okay, I thought, that makes sense. If you eat magnetite – a substance that has been proven to be present in the brains of migratory animals – you should, theoretically, be able to migrate right out of your body. But to where? I wondered. And what if you can only do it at certain set times of the year – say, spring and fall? Besides, if we humans already have magnetite in our brains, as Salmon, Dolphins, Butterflies, Whales, Honeybees, Homing Pigeons and Sea Turtles do, why do we need to ingest more? Puzzled, I read on.

On the How It Works page I found a great deal of information on serious scientific studies about the effects of magnets on homing pigeons and people. Apparently magnets affect the sense of direction in both pigeons and humans. "If human sensory is altered by magnets then, like the pigeons, it can also potentially be enhanced!" reads the copy.

Well, this was all entirely too scientific for me. I still wasn’t sure exactly how magnetite could make me more psychic. But I couldn’t ignore the powerful testimonials.

Each day I used it I could actually feel it amplifying my senses. By the fourth day I was having huge breakthroughs in all of my personal practices!
Day 7 (Journal Excerpt of KT)
Last night I turned all the chaotic psychic energy I had been feeling inward, actually using that sensation to focus. It completely revolutionized my meditation reigniting my spiritual drive and enabling me to experience meditation in a way I never had before. The experience has affected me the entire day. It's like I can feel the collective thought of the entire building.
Day 2 (Journal Excerpt of MS)
This is my second day taking Magneurol6-S™. I took 2 pills around 1pm and unlike yesterday, it REALLY kicked in. About 20 minutes after swallowing the pills, I was on the phone with a customer at work and looked up at my ivy plant above my desk. Out of the blue, and it's hard to explain, but I felt my ivy plant growing! Almost as if it was discharging some sort of information that I could feel while giving it attention. After that, I refocused on the call I was on and was able to really connect.
Right around 2:30pm it really started kicking in HEAVY. My perceptions felt very strange, yet somehow I was taking in more information about my office and the overall feeling of the workplace. I could feel the air, the moderate temperature seemed to stand out and felt pleasurable. I would not say I was spacing out, but I noticed that I felt very pleasurable and was my mind was almost silent. Other then knowing I was awake and aware, I had no thoughts going on. Now that is rare! For the rest of the day I was able to easily and accurately project what others would say to me in calls, before they said it. I also noticed that it was surprisingly easy to communicate hard to explain ideas and subjects with much less effort. I have experienced clear states of mind, and have had days where I felt bright eyed and ready to take on the world, but this felt much different! This may turn out to be very interesting indeed.

And there’s more on (moron?) the Testimonials page.

If all of these glowing testimonials are not proof of this pill’s efficacy, I don’t know what is. But is the pill safe? That’s another matter altogether. I started thinking about some of the things that could go wrong. Let’s say, for example, that you’re taking Mag6-S to help you with astral travel. What if your astral body interprets the whole "migration" thing a little too narrowly – and when the leaves start turning, instead of leaving your physical body and whirling around in some place that’s fun, your etheric bod simply heads south within your physical body? You could spend your entire fall and winter with your astral head in your…well, you know. Or suppose the pill makes your brain super-magnetic, and every time you enter the kitchen…whoosh!…you end up with your head stuck to the refrigerator? At least the kids will have another way to hang their art work, and that’s a good thing, but it could severely affect your own quality of life.

There is, however, no mention of these potential side effects on the Mag6-S web site. There is only this warning: "Magneurol6-S™ was specifically engineered to expand and deliver rapid Paranormal / Metaphysical experiences. If you are suffering from any mental, bio-chemical or emotional instability, please seek the advice of a medical professional."

Magneurol6-S has been written up on other web sites as well, and the Mag6-S folks thoughtfully provided links to these sites, apparently without actually reading the copy on all of them. For example, I found these comments after the Mag6-S write-up on Steve Johnson’s Strange New Products site (I have not edited them for spelling or punctuation):

"I took the pills and I turned purple."
"oh oh my life totally changed when I took these pills. I had less money."
"I RECcOMMEND THIS DRUG TO ANY DRUGY OUT THERE! Wooooooooooooooooooo--- Dailyyyyyyyyyy doooose of dopppppppppeeeeeeee........x_X"
"You're not making people psychic you're making them high!"
"Oh wow now I know how my dog feels. Woof."
"ayoO it made ma penis huge...and ma sex drive has been outrageous..oh yeah the benfits of this pill..is u do get cha 6th sense..let me break it down, u get to feel how spider man feels...and thats spider sense times a hundred!!"
"I ordered this pill and I have been on it for 2 weeks, My penis fell off."

One indignant anonymous soul spoke up in defense of the product: "There is strong scientific evidence supporting their claims. I suggest that before you act like children you read up on it."

So there you have it, children – another miracle pill, backed by strong scientific evidence, and perhaps not so far removed from those other "enhancement" pills after all. It will either make you psychic, or it will alter your anatomy in unexpected ways. Or it could be like the ones that Mother gives you, and not do anything at all. You’ll just have to read the research and decide for yourself. But no matter which pill or supplement you decide to take, or even if you choose not to take any supplements at all, you should always, always remember what the dormouse said: "Feed your head."

* Sample:
Subject: Its not wonder your girlfriend is very angry!
Hello Lots of men deal with this daily not knowing there's a comprehensive solution to the problem. Your problems will be fixed with Extra-Time, a complex method of dealing with all the reasons. Is not again the phrase you hear too often in bed with your partner? Come in: (link). You won't forget your eyes after you finally gave her the long-lasting love. She'll go crazy about you!

** Speaking of The Magnetic Fields, you really need to check them out if you haven’t already. Start out with "69 Love Songs." It’s great therapy – better than real magnets, even.

*** Okay, not really. Magic comes from Middle English magik, from Old French magique, from Late Latin magica, from Latin magicē, from Greek magikē, from feminine of magikos, of the Magi, magical, from magos, magician, magus. Magnet, on the other hand, comes from Middle English, from Old French magnete, from Latin magnēs, magnēt-, from Greek Magnēs (lithos), Magnesian (stone), magnet, from Magnēsiā, Magnesia, an ancient city of Asia Minor. But it sounded plausible, didn’t it? And isn’t that good enough?

* * * * *

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