...A high school friend of mine told me she felt sorry for me because both of my parents passed away when I was a young adult–I was 26 when my mother passed away, and 32 when my father passed away. This pity was especially surprising to me since her own father died in the summer between our junior and senior years of high school, and her mother, though still alive, was one of the stingiest meanest most judgmental and negative people I ever met. Yes, she was still alive if you call that living!By the way, Kacie's hubby David is the son of Eileen and Peter Caddy, founders of the Findhorn Community in Scotland. Eileen died at Findhorn in 2006 at the age of 89, and Peter, who left Findhorn in 1979, died in a car crash in Germany in 1994 at the age of 77. It was right nice of both of them not to inconvenience their son.
My husband David and I are often grateful that our parents chose to leave when they did, because we see so many people our age whose lives are limited and burdened by caring for aging parents, often for years and years and years, and at the expense of creating their own lives.
Being “orphaned” at a relatively young age had the effect for me of adding to my life. There was no inheritence [sic] to wait for, no one’s approval to gain. It was viscerally clear to me from the time my parents died that what I have in life, I create. This created a tremendous sense of freedom in my life, and the motivation to go for whatever I desired. I have created a life that’s pretty amazing so far, and how much better can it get?
Several things strike me about that segment of Kacie's blog post. The first one is that while Access is supposed to be all about removing all "judgment" from one's life, Dr. Crisp appears to be snorting a big line of the j-drug in that first quoted paragraph regarding her friend's stingy, mean, judgmental mom. The second thing that struck me is Dr. Crisp's casual acceptance of the Access credo, which actually seems to be quite common among New-Wage believers, that everything in one's life is a conscious choice, including one's time and mode of death. (The story goes that we choose our parents and our entire life situation too; we do all that between lives.) In other words, Dr. Crisp's parents as well as her husband David's folks chose to die when and how they did. Jeez, wouldn't James Ray's defense lawyers for his manslaughter trial love to have a jury composed of Accessories? If Kirby Brown, James Shore, and Liz Neuman chose to die when they did, that would totally let Death Ray off the hook.
As it happens, I'm an orphan too, but I don't feel nearly so free and giddy about it as Kacie and David apparently do. I feel more as if I'm adrift in the Universe, especially since I don't have kids of my own. Sometimes it's more a feeling of loneliness than freedom. I lost my dad when I was a teenager; I worked that story into this long blog post (if you don't want to read the whole thing, scroll down to "When the rich are (in)different"). I lost my mom much more recently; she died three days after Christmas 2007, and though it's been more than three years now I still haven't been able to write very much at all about her. I can post long eulogies for departed dogs and cats, but a mom...well, that's a bit more complicated. Suffice to say that my siblings and I did indeed suffer numerous emotional and financial crises in our mother's final years -- I suppose Kacie or other Accessories would say we were limited and burdened.
But somehow we can't work up any resentment at our mother for not choosing to get out of the way earlier so we could get on with our own lives. And it's hard for us to believe that our dad deliberately chose to get plowed down by a drunk driver when he was walking down a street early one morning years ago, when all three of his children were still young and living at home. Was his life with us really so awful that he wanted to bug out?
Relationships are complicated and are often as frustrating as they are rewarding. But to Accessories, it seems that all relationships are burdens, whether they're with spouses or those bothersome creatures called parents, especially old parents. Anything that doesn't make one feel all "light" and giggly and giddy is something to be shed of. I wonder who is going to care for Dr. Crisp in her dotage, or if she'll "choose" an early departure so as not to be a burden. And I wonder, as I often do when New-Wagers brag about how amazing their lives are, just how amazing Kacie's really is. I imagine there's much more to her story that she's not telling. But in my view she has told enough, just in those few paragraphs on her blog, to make me think that there are times when Access and similar New-Wage scams are not merely silly, but profoundly disturbing.
PS ~ For those of you who have elderly loved ones in your life and are not enlightened enough to feel right about abandoning them, Dale Carter's TransitionAgingParents.com site might be a helpful resource.
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