Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Access asks: Are you humanoid, or merely human?

Back in February of this year I wrote a post about my favorite sex cult, Access Consciousness, and its "Ocean 300" (not to be confused with Ocean 3000) scheme to help the world's endangered seas. The plan is to get a boat, load a bunch of Accessories on it – 300 or so, I'm guessing from the project's name – and take them out to a remote area of the high seas, where they will be tossed to the hungry Kraken, thus invoking the punch line of an old joke about lawyers. Oh, I am just kidding. Who would want to do that to the poor Kraken? A Kraken could choke on all that cleavage and silliness. Besides, I don't honestly wish the Accessories any harm. The real plan is to send them out to an area of the Pacific that is being threatened by a huge glob of plastic, and the Accessories will use the special molecular-rearrangement skills they learned through Access to transform the glob into something harmless and fish-friendly. It's all set to happen some time in 2011.

There is apparently a belief among Accessories that Gary Douglas, ex-Realtor and founder of Access, can turn bad wine into good and perform other seemingly miraculous transformations by using those special molecular-rearrangement skills I mentioned. Supposedly these skills can be taught to others, hence the Ocean 300 project. (Actually the technical terms, according to Access, are "molecular demanifestation" and "demolecular manifestation." You can learn it for free if you go back in time about nine days (as I write this).)

Of course this just raises the question, and I'm not the first to ask it, about why Gary and friends don't gather a boatload of Accessories to go out to the Gulf of Mexico right now and take care of that pesky oil spill. Now, I know that the Joe'oponopono folk are all over that one, and I wrote about that just the other day, but it seems to me that molecular rearrangement is a more immediate way of dealing with the problem because it addresses it at a very basic physical level. Forget connecting with Source and trusting that Source will magically clear away the mess; just roll up your sleeves and tinker with those darn molecules yourself! A no-brainer, if you ask me.

If you've been with me for any length of time, you know how deeply fond I am of Access. Prior to the February 2010 post I had blogged about Access numerous times, most recently in October of 2009, when I told the story of a man whose twenty-year marriage was ripped apart when his wife became involved with Access. Access actually made its debut on this Whirled on June 6, 2007, and had an encore appearance on June 12 of the same year. I mentioned it again in May of 2008 (scroll down to the second item, "Warning: ACCESSories on the loose"); and then again the following July (scroll down to second item, "ACCESS: It just gets worse"). Even though these posts are all tagged, I'm providing these links here because clicking on any one of the tags does not seem to provide a comprehensive result. Blogger glitch, I guess.

Anyway. One of the latest Access gimmicks that has been brought to my attention is a new-ish site dedicated to a Very Special Group of beings known as humanoids. Humanoids live among us but are different in many essential ways from the ordinary humans traipsing all over this planet. While there is nothing actually wrong with being an ordinary human, and this isn't about judging someone for being merely human, humanoids are clearly way more cool.

The story goes that Gary Douglas became aware of the human/humanoid split about ten years ago, and that belief has been part of Access teachings ever since. I really don't know how he discovered this marvelous secret; perhaps he heard it from his old buddy Rasputin (who, I understand, has since left the Access building). Or maybe Johnny Walker told him, or possibly he discovered it one weekend when he had too many brownies. I suppose it's not all that important. Anyhow, my understanding is that Accessories believe that of all the people on Earth right now, 49% are dazzlingly innovative and forward-thinking humanoids, and the remaining 51% are hopelessly prosaic humans. Humanoids on Earth look pretty much like ordinary folk, though you wouldn't know this at first glance at the apparently Access-blessed Are You Humanoid site. Drawing heavily on a massively popular movie, right down to the pirated borrowed artwork, the site is operated by one Stephen Outram, who, just between you and me, seems to have his nose firmly implanted in Gary Douglas'...well, all I can say is that it's a good thing Gary doesn't have a Na'vi-type tail, as some of his devotees would almost certainly get tangled up in it.

I imagine that for as long as there have been people, there have been those who believed fervently that they were part of a Very Special Group. For the past few decades, however, it has been almost de rigeur among members of some New-Wage or McSpirituality groups to believe that they are part of a special subset of humanity that will lead the planet into a new era/the next step of evolution/the great galactic shift, etc. Even if one has doubts about one's own prowess, it is apparently required by New-Wage law these days to believe that one's children are exceptionally gifted. Accessories seem to be just as susceptible to the belief in their own Very Specialness as any other New-Wagers.

I am guessing that by now you are jumping up and down with excitement, wondering whether you are human or humanoid. You certainly can't tell by looking in the mirror. So how do you find out for sure? Well, cease your jumping and get your mouse-clicking finger ready. You can take a quiz right here that will tell you if you're part of the elite humanoid group. Once you submit your results, you'll get a personalized email from Stephen Outram's spambot, who apparently has trouble with its tenses and with conjugating certain verbs. Here is what the message will most likely say:

Hello [your name goes here],
I hope you enjoyed the "Are You Humanoid? Quiz." My name is Stephen Outram and I've put together some information for you, about humanoids. I hope you enjoy it and thanks again for participating.

Humanoids ... an introduction
About ten years ago Gary Douglas, the founder of
Access Consciousness
, realized there were two species living on the Earth ... humans and humanoids. Through his classes and seminars, he has being opening the door for humanoids to see another possibility. How did we get to be so lucky to have Gary show up in our lives?

Gary gives the example of horses and cows living together in the same pasture. They look similar but are very different. He jokes that horses don't try to be cows, to fit-in and be the same. Humanoids have been trying to be humans for a very long time. What's is going to take to change that? Gary says we're cute but sometimes not very bright.

Humanoids are different to humans and when I finally got the difference I be, it was like a brilliant light bulb had turned-on in my world. I realized, perhaps for the first time, that I was not so screwed-up as I thought I was and there was nothing wrong with me ... despite what I have been told. Every humanoid I explain the concept of human-humanoid to, gets it straight-away because deep down they already know. They shut-off this knowing in order to try and fit-in and be human. The only way you can do that is to dynamically cut-off your awareness of who you truly be. And please get this! There is nothing wrong with being a human; don't use that as a place of judgment. There are simply two species living on Earth and both are different, live their lives differently and prefer different things. The difficulty for humanoids is that they are trying to be human, when they're not. Humanoids create most of the change in the world; they are the seekers of something different; something greater. Humanoids are rarely satisfied with the status quo and love to change and transform things just because they can, and because it's fun for them.

What follows are a few ideas about humanoids. If you'd like to find out more, get yourself to one of Gary Douglas' classes. I've provided some contact information at the end.

Humanoids being Human
As a Humanoid, you can run into difficulties when trying to be human. When you try to be what your not, it can destroy you and your body, especially when you think you are human and are unaware of your humanoidness. "How many ways have you bent, folded and mutilated you to try to be something that you're not?" [says Gary Douglas].
[Definitely a child of the sixties, that Gary Douglas. "Bent, folded, and mutilated" is, of course,
a reference to ancient computer/punch card technology and a famous bumper-sticker slogan from the late sixties/early seventies. ~CC] How can you tell the difference between the two species? Well, when you meet someone, just ask this question, "Is this a human?" and you'll know! The energy of a human is perceived as denser; humanoids feel lighter.

Humanoids rarely work for money. That's not what motivates them. Humanoids like to create things and have someone simply receive it. All a humanoid artist desires is for someone to truly enjoy the gift of their art. Once someone gets it, then the artist is done and off to create the next piece. Humanoids struggle to place a monetary value on their creations and don't really understand why that is so important to most people. Often, it's hard to get a humanoid to receive money for what they do so easily, that everyone else finds hard. We're cute, but not bright ... right?

[A correspondent who is also an Access-watcher noted in a recent email to me, "But [Gary] Douglas was just boasting of raising his seminar fees in a recession. He seems to have no difficulty putting a monetary value on his work." ~CC]

Humanoids do sex primarily for recreation and not procreation. Hey! it's meant to be fun. If you are married to a human, you may find that sex drops-off dramatically after children are born. Humanoids may tend to change partners and positions often. Missionary? What's that? Humanoids have a capacity for sex that is based on fun, play and the question, "What else is possible?" Rabbit sex doesn't really work for a humanoids who often prefer long, slow and ...
[The ellipses are Stephen's, not mine. Perhaps he was at a loss for words. It's just as well, though. I find that I don't want to spend too much time imagining Accessories having sex. ~CC]

Asking your body who it would like to have sex with and who would be nurturing and fun for it. This may provide a completely different possibility for you. [Naturally this provides a sound philosophical basis for promiscuity. Sexually bored with your dull human mate? Seek out experiences with some of your fellow humanoids. But be sure to first ask your body if that's what it really wants. ~CC]

Humanoid bodies are different to [sic] human bodies. They are generative and capable of living beyond the normal life-span. Ask your body, "Body, how long would you like to live?" Oh, yes, you can talk to your body. It is conscious and will communicate with you... if your [sic] willing to have that as a possibility. Our bodies respond to medicines differently than human bodies. Much of the testing of medicines is done for human bodies. So, if you find you are not getting the expected results, then maybe your body requires something different. Ask it. [Reportedly, some Accessories believe they can live to be 800 years and older, apparently without any involvement with Singularity University (see my PS below). ~CC]

Humanoids are capable of immense caring. A friend of mine realized this recently. Her awareness was that in her whole life, no one had been able to receive the caring she had for them. They continually resisted and rejected her, and she came to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with her. As a result, she shut it down and shut her down. Do you know how much energy it takes to shut-down an intensity of caring like that, and the devastating impact that had on her body? Huge!

Most humanoids are highly-psychic. They pick up on all the thoughts, feeling and emotions of other people and buy these as theirs. When you become aware that you are simply perceiving all this stuff and it's not actually yours, then you can choose differently. The moment you say, "I'm feeling so sad." then you buy it as yours and impact your body with it. What if all the sadness and grief you perceive in the world wasn't yours? Would that change something for you? Just ask this question and you'll know, "Is this mine or someone else?"
[Interesting. Contrast this to the "we-all-are-one" mindset, such as that seen in the contemporary Ho'oponopno-ish views of "100% responsibility" and the idea that there's no such thing as "out there." ~CC]

More Please
There is so much more to humanoids than can be covered in this letter. My target is to give you some insights to the difference you be and open a door to other possibilities. James Cameron's movie Avatar is a wonderful opportunity to talk more on humanoids and I hope this has been useful to you. Perhaps you found yourself relating to those fabulous blue people, as I did.

The World
Humanoids create all the change in the world. If more humanoids would be them, then it becomes truly possible to change the world. You may already be aware that the planet is struggling, it's being consumed and most of what we are doing here is not working. There is much that needs to change and change quickly, if we are all to thrive. The humans won't do it; they don't like change. What about you? Changing the world is not difficult, if we all contribute. What contribution can you be?

I'll close here with a question for you to ponder.

What's it going to take for you to claim, own and acknowledge your unique humanoidness, be you and change the world?
... with ease and joy and glory, Stephen Outram Author ... and humanoid
If you are interested to find out more, you can connect with Gary Douglas, Dr. Dain Heer and many other amazing humanoids at this website, www.accessconsciousness.com

There's also a page where you can read the comments of others who've taken the quiz. So far the page contains gushing praise from people (almost all of them women) who have taken the test and apparently have discovered that, amazingly, they too are humanoids!

A correspondent who also finds Access intriguing told me he was curious about the humanoid v. human issue, so he tried to strike up a real conversation with Stephen Outram about it. He asked Stephen to clarify what Gary Douglas meant by saying that humans and humanoids are two separate "species." Surely, my friend declared, Gary couldn't be referring to "species" in the sense that it is generally used by scientists, unless Gary really is saying that, for example, a human and a humanoid cannot produce a child together (as is the case with most but not all interspecies hook-ups)*.

My friend also wondered this: If the only things that distinguish a humanoid from a human being are factors such as curiosity, imagination, creativity, innovation, and the like, then how could there possibly be just two "types," with people being either one or the other? All of those factors, after all, can be found in most people to varying degrees. It's not an either-or deal. Therefore, wouldn't the human/humanoid categories be about as useful as saying that there are, for example, tall people and short people on the planet?

Perfect reasonable questions, I would think, but my pal never received answers to those questions. All he got out of Stephen O were more spammish replies, mostly about Gary Douglas' next workshops. The overriding message from Stephen seemed to be that Gary apparently holds the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life as a humanoid, and you can learn those secrets by attending Gary's workshops. (One gets the feeling that Stephen is vying for the cushy spot currently held by Gary's fave sidekick, Dr. Dain Heer, about whom I'll have more in my next Access post.)

Exasperated, my friend finally wrote to Stephen remarking that if he, Stephen, couldn't respond to even the most basic questions about the premise of his own web page, that pretty much gave my friend all the information he needed about Access. He noted the irony in the fact that his questions had been completely ignored, even though Access claims to encourage questions. Well, I personally don't find it that ironic. Access encourages questions (especially rhetorical ones) but not necessarily answers. [See PPS below ~CC]

Regarding Stephen O's spammy replies, my friend wrote to me, "I think the brain in this one has been deactivated and he is running on auto-pilot." But hey, that's okay. Humanoids don't need to think. They've gone beyond that. All they need do is sit back and ask questions about how life can get even better for them...or at least for their molecule-manipulating, humanoid leader, Gary Douglas.

Next: The Access money and sex machine...and a warning for Oprah!

PS ~ If you want to read a serious discussion about the "post-human" era and new ways in which a type of immortality – or at least insane longevity might be achieved (by some rich people, anyway), read Ashlee Vance's New York Times piece, "In the Singularity Movement, Humans are so Yesterday." Provocative stuff, based on real technological innovations rather than a California Realtor's grandiose fantasies. Thank you to my pal Duff McDuffee for Tweeting about this, which is how I found it.

PPS added 14 June 2010 ~ Someone just sent me a link to a Gary Douglas video that 'splains why questions are important in Access but answers are not. Turns out that questions are empowering, but answers are disempowering. The main question that Accessories are supposed to ask themselves is, "How does it get any better than this?" If you keep asking this question, the Universe just might keep showing you how it does get better. In the not-really-believable story Gary tells, a woman ends up finding a diamond bracelet in a gutter, presumably through serially asking how "it" gets any better than "this." Whether the story is true or not, Gary doesn't say if the woman tried to find out whose bracelet it was...or are we to assume that the Universe manifested the bauble just for her? To me there is a certain smarmy amorality about the whole thing. Anyway, here's the link to the video.

* Interspecies mating is actually rather rare, overall, and when it occurs it is generally between two related species. (One notable exception: my late dachshund Nicholas and his favorite cat, the equally late Sabrina. Those two carried on for years. But that's another story. I only wish I'd shot videos...) If interspecies mating results in offspring, they can either be infertile (as in the case with horses and donkeys, producing infertile mules), or fertile (as in the case of dogs and wolves, producing generally fertile hybrids). But the jury is apparently still out on humans and humanoids. Maybe Gary Douglas or Stephen O will enlighten us. Or maybe the answer is buried somewhere in Darwin's work.

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Anonymous Dave said...


Maybe these Humanoids are actually mature Indigo children... I'm not completely familiar with all of the arguments for them, but if I remember correctly, "being different" is what it's all about. Sheesh. Why can't folks believe we are all just who we are, and there are no "special" categories.

Sunday, June 13, 2010 2:48:00 AM  
Anonymous disillusioned said...

Of course Stephen Out-there Author and his adored access-master are both wrong--there are three species on this planet: humans and humanoids, both equally deluded and Inhumans, the true masters of the universe to which the lower orders of human/oids aspire.
Us Inhumans are spiders, ants, worms, bacteria and viruses, cockroaches, elephants, rats, wolves and all beasties that crawl this great earth and are its true inheritors.
We are shapeshifters and masters of disguise and the day is fast approaching when we will reveal to our human/oid slaves and captives the REAL hierarchy of power.
Roll on Armageddon, or at least the last page/final reel of this particular tediously grandiose plot.

Sunday, June 13, 2010 5:22:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Yep, Dave, being "different" is indeed the essence of Indigo-ism -- different in ways that are perceived as negative by society (e.g., behavioral problems, learning disabilities) as well as different in "good" ways (extraordinary creativity, genius, etc.). In my post (paragraph 7) I have a link to a Skepdic write-up about Indigo kids. However, it occurs to me that Indigo advocates might say that's a biased source, so here's the official web site:
...and here's a Wikipedia entry...

But I've a feeling that Access has something different in mind than Indigo-ism. The Indigo brand has already been taken. Access humanoids seem to be a brand of their own (though apparently some Accessories have no problem with heavily borrowing from James Cameron's creative work).

"Why can't folks believe we are all just who we are?" you ask. Good question, but one to which I think we both know the answer: Sell someone the idea that he or she is truly "special" (in a good way) and you've sold that person a product or a workshop, and, if you do it right, you've gained a repeat customer.

It's like that verse in my "I've gotta find me a scam" song (if you'll pardon my quoting myself again, LOL)...

They’re gonna make me a star
If I make ’em believe
That they’re more than they are
Make ’em believe that the world can be theirs
And that they’re all destined to be zillionaires.


Once again, I find myself rolling my (all-too-human) eyes...

Sunday, June 13, 2010 7:16:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Tediously grandiose the plot may sometimes be, but so many of the sub-plots are highly entertaining. So I hope Armageddon holds off for a while.

But oh, Disillusioned, you've finally revealed the true secret of who really runs the planet. So now it's time for me to confess: This Cosmic Connie thing is only a human disguise. I'm really a click beetle. And, as the late British geneticist and evolutionary biologist J.B.S. Haldane may or may not have noted, the Creator has an inordinate fondness for beetles.


We rule.

Sunday, June 13, 2010 7:28:00 AM  
Anonymous disillusioned said...

Haldane made another bon mot, truer than the New Age cliche trotted out to gain acceptance for a belief:
"Theories have four stages of acceptance.
i) this is worthless nonsense;
ii) this is an interesting, but perverse, point of view,
iii) this is true, but quite unimportant;
iv) I always said so."

So, a click beetle, I shall have to look it up.

Sunday, June 13, 2010 1:44:00 PM  
Anonymous disillusioned said...

You being a poet 'n all, I thought you might appreciate Haldane's death poem:


which I finally found through Steven Jay Gould's hagiographic page on the great man:


Sunday, June 13, 2010 3:21:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thanks for the additional info on Haldane, Dis. A fascinating man, to be sure.

What can I say about click beetles? I'm just really fond of them and am delighted that we have them in all sizes around here. They're really quite remarkable. I love how they can click their way out of just about any dicey situation. (Except they do seem to have a talent for drowning themselves, alas.) Pick one up some time and hold it gently between your thumb and forefinger; the clicking feels kinda neat. Or maybe I'm just weird...

Sunday, June 13, 2010 5:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anyone who has been following Access Energy Transformation (now Access Consciousness) for any time has seen its tendency to attempt to ride the coattails of popular trends and, especially, movies. Douglas earlier cited The Matrix as a movie that was 'much closer to reality' than many people realized. If Alvin and the Chipmunks had been a bigger hit, it would have been that.

I am waiting for the Rasputin Movie Review feature, where Gary D. channels the mad monk for his thoughts on modern cinema.

Monday, June 14, 2010 1:27:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Anon. I never could make any sense of The Matrix movies, so I stay away from them. (Of course, Access is all about NOT making sense, so I can see the attraction to The Matrix.)

I'm not holding my breath for the Rasputin channeling. Gary himself said Rasputin left the building five years ago.

Monday, June 14, 2010 1:35:00 PM  

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