Warning: Accessories on the loose in Houston!

Dear Ones, it is an exciting time for my former home town, the Bayou City of Houston, Texas, USA. Sex-and-money cult Access Consciousness is holding a Levels 2&3 class March 4-7 (it started this morning) at the Hotel Indigo* in Houston's posh Galleria/Uptown area. The class is being facilitated by Access founder Gary Douglas, who first got the scoop on Access via the late Russian madman Rasputin (here are the details), and who is, among many other things, a sex expert who shares seekrit wisdom about things such as "the seven fountains of orgasm." (Well, what would you expect from the founder of a sex cult?)

Here are the details about the Houston class: http://www.accessconsciousness.com/class_details.asp?cid=10212

When watching a video preview of the venue on YouTube, however, I noticed that the space in which the class is to be held is just a conference room rather than a large ballroom/meeting room. Perhaps they aren't expecting a very large attendance. Or maybe they just want to keep the atmosphere intimate. (A friend suggested that they probably couldn't hold the event anywhere near the kitchen because of the potential damage to the spoons; Accessories are notorious spoon and fork benders.)

In any case, here is that video preview of the venue, complete with gushing narration that sounds very close to baby talk. Golly, gee, look at the sunshine! Look at the light coming through the window! Look at the little private alcove! Goodness gracious, how does it get any better than this?

I'm sorry to tell you, though, that you won't be able to attend the Levels 2&3 class unless you have already attended some lower-level Access classes. The prerequisites are listed in the link in the second paragraph.

If you qualify, however, it's probably not too late to sign up for the Levels 2&3 class. It's only $1,800, unless you have taken the course within the past 12 months, in which case it is only $900. But you should know that, as is the case with most LGAT and selfish-help/New-Wage/McSpirituality events these days, if you attend you totally give up your right to privacy, and numerous other rights as well. Among other things, you have to sign an Audio/Video Release:

I acknowledge that Access Consciousness LLC may make video and/or audio recordings of the class, in which I will be a participant.

I hereby grant Access Consciousness LLC the right to use such video and/or audio recordings of my name, likeness and voice in any and all forms of media, now or hereinafter created, and in perpetuity, including, but not limited to, composite or edited forms, for Access Consciousness LLC, to distribute, sell and use in any manner, as Access Consciousness LLC may determine in its sole and absolute discretion. I hereby waive the right to inspect or approve any version(s), including the finished version(s), of such recordings, including written copy that may be created in connection therewith.

I have read this Release, fully understand its terms and understand that I may be giving up substantial rights, including my right to sue, and any and all rights to fees or compensation from the distribution, sale or use by Access Consciousness LLC or by its affiliates, subsidiaries, successors and assigns for any and all purposes.

I acknowledge that I am agreeing this Release freely and voluntarily and intend by my on-line registration at www.accessconsciousness.com for the Release to be a complete and unconditional release from and against all liability of Access Consciousness LLC to the greatest extent allowed by law.

Kind of like a James Arthur Ray event, except you probably won't die.

Now, if you can't make it to Houston, the class is being streamed live at numerous venues throughout the world. You still have to pay either $1,800 or $900 to watch it, but at least you won't have to fight Houston Galleria traffic, which is a nightmare.

By the way, because Access wants to start 'em young, kids 15 and under can get in for free, and ages 16-18 can get in for half price. But it might not be a very good idea to get your teens involved, especially if they're boys. Accessories are very randy people and...well, never mind. Just keep your kids away, okay?

I'll have more about Access over the weekend, all in the service of celebrating the presence of Accessories gone wild in the city I know and love. Meanwhile, if you're going to be in the Galleria area, why not pop into the Hotel Indigo and see if you can catch up to some Accessories? I might even be there myself. If you see a blue humanoid gal, come on up and say hello. I promise I won't try to lay any Bars on you or anything like that.

Related posts:

• How Accessories know that they're a more advanced species than the rest of us: ACCESS asks: Are you humanoid, or merely human?
• How Accessories plan to clean up ocean pollution with just their mighty minds (if only they can get hold of a boat): A little motion on the ocean
• How Access can destroy marriages (Sorry, but this one isn't as funny as most of my Access posts, though it does have a pretty picture): ACCESS: The incredible lightness of boinking

PS ~ If you want to see all of the other posts I've written about Access -- and there have been quite a few since I first wrote about it in 2007 (back when it was called Access Energy Transformation) -- you'll get more results by Googling "Access Whirled Musings" than by following one of the tags on this blog.
PPS ~ Since Access is now delivered in more than 25 countries, it may be coming soon to a city near you. Here's the 2011 schedule: http://www.accessconsciousness.com/schedule.asp

* I wonder if the Accessories chose the Hotel Indigo for the spiritual connotations of the name.