Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Quack watch?*

Sensitivity warning: This post contains some rough language. It also mentions a--holes (but then again, so do many of my posts).


If you can't quite afford a custom Rolex at this point in your life, why not try a Teslar watch? It's the perfect accessory to go with your Q-Link jewelry, which I blogged about over a year ago. Besides, Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale has a Teslar watch, which he says is his very favorite, so you know it has to be something special.

I Googled Teslar watches (which were named after Nikola Tesla, pictured here) and I came up with some interesting information on a 2003 post, with links to yet more interesting information. Granted, the blogger sometimes has devil horns and is, by his own admission, a Stupid Evil Bastard. But even stupid evil bastards occasionally have something of value to say. (Besides, I'm a bitch in a blog hut, so I can't be too judgmental.) Anyway, here is the link.

The SEB blogger and I do apparently have something in common, besides the obvious fact that we are both working for the Dark Side. We are both weary of making our way through life without the benefit of a profitable scam. Says the SEB:
That’s it. I’m tired of being the only one who’s not making tons of money off of peoples’ stupidity and gullibility. I’m going to develop my own highly over-priced craptastic product with dubious medical claims that you don’t really need and start selling it to clueless idiots so I can be rich too. Perhaps it’s time I follow through on developing a patented Anti-Alien Anal Probe Ass Shield for people suffering from occasional alien anal probe syndrome. There certainly seems be enough of those people around judging from all the news items I read about it.
I GOTTA find me a scam...

* With apologies to Dr. Stephen Barrett (who is a real doctor)

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14 Comments:

Blogger Steven Sashen said...

You're thinking too hard, Cosmic.

Product ideas are everywhere:

Combine one of the following from Column A:

Holy
Magic
Tachyon
Electro
Blessed
Magnetized
Holomorphic
(you get the hint)

With one of these from Column B:
Water
Dirt
Stones
Air
Honey
Sugar
Pubic Hair

Then say whatever you want about it.

Personally, I'm thinking of hosting a weekend workshop in the new Synergy Holographic DNA Restructuring Process, where we Repattern Molecular Holding Structures and Disentangle Quantum Neuropsychological Identifiers... for only $4,975.99

(If it's that expensive, you KNOW it works!)

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 1:04:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Hey, Steven, do you have any affiliate programs? Sign me up!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 2:52:00 PM  
Blogger Les said...

Glad you liked that entry. To this day it is one of the pages that gets the highest number of hits on SEB. Every now and then someone will leave a comment or send me an email in which they try to defend the Teslar watch. I'd like to say it makes for amusing reading, but usually it just gets my blood pressure up again.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 9:43:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Not only do I like that entry, Les, I like your blog! I'm glad I finally discovered it. What led me to do some Googling on the Teslar watch was that it happened to be mentioned on Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale's blog recently. The post is titled "Watch Art" (Oct 30): http://blog.mrfire.com/marketing
/watch-art/

The reason Joe has been a person of interest here recently can be found by scrolling down a bit to my previous posts, "All fired up," "All fired up, continued," and "Putting out fires." Oh, and "Faux-degree plans on hold?" is also relevant.

Anyway, Joe has often boasted about his custom Rolexes and such, but according to his Oct. 30 post, his favorite watch is actually his Teslar. He just had it custom-painted with a pic of one of his expensive sports cars. He provided a link to the Teslar web site, so I followed it and knew I'd hit blogging pay dirt. Of course, you beat me to it by over four years. :-)

I'm glad you stopped in and I hope you'll keep visiting. And don't let this stuff get your blood pressure up. Just think of it as entertainment. I do (well, most of the time, anyway).

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 10:20:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Dear Ones, I have permission from my resident Bad Poet (see my post from Sunday, Oct. 28) to publish yet another utterly appalling work that was inspired by my ruminations on Whirled Musings. May it touch you as deeply as it touched me.
~CC

With Authentic Snake-skin Strap
by A. Poet*

From the murky depths of
A Secret Service Science
Hodge-Podge
Comes a marvelous thing: the
Radiation fighting watch

It's smart and trendy
And you may scorn
But it keeps you safe
When it is worn

From microwaves and
Wi Fi fields
From HARP emissions
Your aura it seals

I shit you not
For the Aquarian age
These pieces of tat will be
All the rage

If you front up some cash
You'll see how it heals
Cancer, herpes and
Calloused heels

Yes strap one on, and
Hold your head high
You’re protected from the EM fields
Filling the sky

Roll up your sleeves
And show the thing off
It's not quite a Rolex and
People may scoff

But when their hair’s falling out and
They’re starting to die
You'll be strutting around with a
Twinkle in your eye

Maybe.

[*AKA His Galactic Radiance etc., who, of course, wears a Teslar watch Himself]

Thursday, November 01, 2007 5:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe you should be reminded... that 'product' has nothing to do with success...

or how hard you try... has nothing to do making more money.

As a matter a fact, the harder you work... less money you will make.

Honey J. Brown.

Friday, November 02, 2007 2:46:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

HJ, you aren't actually trying to bring some serious thoughts into a silly conversation, are you? ;-)

Friday, November 02, 2007 7:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Lana said...

Connie,
I bought a Q-Link a couple of years ago while living in Sedona -- apparently under the influence of a vortex or something.

I wish I knew how or if it works! It seemed to heighten my problem with insomnia. I've talked with others that didn't like the effects. One explained that it was messin' with my heart chakra. Could be, could be...

Anyway, I was reminded of the Q-Link today (and your post about it) while checking out the latest issue of Spirituality & Health magazine. On the inside back cover is a full-page ad for the MegaChi Pendant. "Let Yourself Be Lifted...To Your Higher Self!" it says. And, "Meditate like the Masters -- Instantly! EMFs Protection Plus!"

Wait! There's more. "Let the Law of Attraction work for YOU!"

I think they've got all the bases covered pretty well.

See www.TheWorldsHealingCenter.us
(which redirects to www.gods8laws.com, where you can learn about the pendant and Divine Energy Transference Healing).

You can even sign up to become an affiliate.

(Hey, I just realized I haven't gotten my WWCD T-shirt yet. Don't forget, Connie.)

Thursday, November 08, 2007 3:19:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Hey, Lana, good to hear from ya! I actually think the Q-Link jewelry is pretty (even though I don't normally wear jewelry). But as for whether or not it works...well, we both know it works very well for those who are selling it.

But the MegaChi Pendant...now, THAT sounds like a miracle product indeed. I think that a pendant like that, along with one of those astral projection pills I wrote about some time back, would really propel me to a new dementia. I mean, dimension.

I'm still working on the T-shirt designs... :-)

Thursday, November 08, 2007 4:24:00 PM  
Blogger Amy J + Energy = Bliss! said...

Hi Connie!

"radio-frequency-proof lingerie"

Now this is what I want! Of course, why would you be getting radiation zapped there? Microwave at a strange height I suppose!

I like that pendant too that Lana mentions... with that one doesn't need to invest tens of thousands on Holosync but can just wear a cheap necklace. Or is it tens of thousands too?

I am going to try Steven's idea...

Electro-Honey Blessed Pubic Hair! Glue it on and you'll be amazed at how things change dramatically in your life! If people ask why the bees are swarming around your netherregion, you can just wink and smile sweetly and say "my secret"!

BTW.. I looked up that watch too. Was trying to figure out how it could actually work! I think it's "thought projected" reality.

Smiles,

Amy

Thursday, November 08, 2007 10:44:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Hi, Amy, good to see you here! You've come up with some wonderful ideas... there is SO much money to be made in this racket that one hardly knows where to begin. :-)

Thursday, November 08, 2007 10:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The scam has changed and now Philip Stein isn't even using Teslar chips in the new watches. They haven't informed consumers or even sales people about the change in partners. They are now partners with AYUS Corp. and using a new chip that is an alloy module. Philip Stein is making claims that are completely false about the capabilities of the new chip. PS Teslar watches are still being sold in stores, but they will be running out soon. Consumers are being fooled into buying the new Philip Stein watches believing they are equipped with Teslar technology-- but they aren't! Now that is a scam.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009 1:47:00 PM  
Anonymous ciaobella said...

Where can I find a real Teslar watch that isn't Philip Stein?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009 12:46:00 PM  
Anonymous IGotScrewed said...

Ha... they don't even use a chip at all! It's just some weird design they have on the back. Does it do anything? ABSOLUTELY NOT! All the TESLAR wearers will be completely astonished when Philip Stein sends their watches back without the TESLAR chips even in them anymore! Like we really wouldn't notice the difference?! The chips are what makes you feel BETTER... it's not just a placebo effect and PS thinks they can just switch it out and no one will notice. Well... WE NOTICE!!!! SOMEONE NEEDS TO FILE A LAWSUIT AND GET OUT MONEY BACK! and our TESLAR chips!!!

Thursday, February 26, 2009 2:05:00 PM  

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