Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Q me in

I mentioned in my post the other day that I don’t have much use for jewelry. I rarely ever wear it. Take me to Tiffany and you’ll get off cheap, relatively speaking, because the only thing I’ll be interested in is their perfume (original, for women). You can have your bling; give me that "luxurious floral bouquet of Damascena Rose, Indian Jasmine, Ylang Ylang, Fleur d’Orange and Iris."

But today I got an email about a very special type of jewelry called the Q-Link ™. This, the email explained, is a stylish pendant that will help my biofield function at its optimum level.

The biofield, in case you didn’t follow the Wikipedia link I thoughtfully provided above, is purportedly a subtle field that permeates and extends beyond the physical body. Everyone has one – you, me, your boss, your dog, even that huge cockroach you so crassly squashed with a can of room deodorizer in the bathroom this morning. Wait, that was me with the lethal can in the can, not you. Anyway, people have known about the biofield for centuries, although it wasn’t always called that. It took the National Institutes of Health to come up with the word, "biofield," which came to them in 1994.

According to the Q-Link web site, our biofields are constantly being compromised; every day, they are "negatively impacted by flickering computer monitors, irate bosses, cell phones, emotional stress, tabloid television, and traffic jams. We are literally bombarded with frequencies that wear us down. That’s why it is essential to recharge."

Fortunately, the Q-Link folks have just the thing you need to recharge. Or, rather, they have a whole product line of things to help you recharge. And here’s how that works (bear with me, because this is all very technical and scientific):

Q-Link products tune up your biofield through a resonant effect that harmonizes your energy and helps you to navigate smoothly through a stressful world. Think of them like tuning forks that remind your biofield of its optimal functioning state. Worldly stress causes the biofield to become more chaotic and incoherent. The Q-Link reverses this process, ensuring greater efficiency, harmony, and balance.

People who wear a Q-Link, according to the Q-Link folks, "report having clearer thinking, increased awareness, calmness, better sleep, enhanced mental focus, stamina, vitality and more." Not only that, but the Q-Link "strengthens your resistance to the effects of stress, increases energy and enhances mental performance especially under stress, and even strengthens immunities to cell phones, computers, and other Electromagnetic Fields (EMF)."

The Q-Link comes in several varieties: a plain black or white pendant that only costs $99.95, a titanium model that costs $100.00 more, a silver version that’s $299.95, and a new version with a "chic, sleek white dual-tone design." The new pendant, also $99.95, was designed by internationally acclaimed designer Neville Brody.

What makes this new model so special is that it contains the latest enhancements to the SRT (Sympathetic Resonance Technology), SRT 3, "which enables the device to more efficiently resonate life-supporting frequencies in the biofield, providing a more powerful response to stressors." Its effects are apparently felt more rapidly than was the case with the earlier models. "Most people will realize heightened energy, notice a quicker effect and have more rapid return to centered emotional balance."

Besides the line of pendants, you can also buy the Q-Link ClearWave™ Clock and the Q-Link Ally ™ Portable, both of which have the same effect as the Q-Link pendant. The company is "also exploring new potential SRT applications, such as enhancing water, increasing agricultural yields and refining chemical manufacturing processes."

How long does a Q-Link product take to work? "Tests have shown that the effects are instant, but individual experience will vary. For optimal results, we highly recommend that you wear your Q-Link all the time." Maintenance is a breeze, and the components inside the Q-Link "have been engineered to create optimal resonance effects indefinitely."

Apparently the Q-Link is catching on everywhere. "Our Q-Link community is expanding rapidly, including everyone from actors, professional athletes and business people to healthcare workers, children and those suffering from chronic illness. Q-Link users are world-champion runners, professional mountain climbers, sailors, swimmers, Olympic athletes, pro-bowlers, tennis pros, and Formula-One drivers, as well as professional soccer, hockey and rugby players."

We're told that actors, musicians, models and leading-edge spiritual leaders/writers such as Ken Wilber have been seen wearing the Q-Link. Wilber says, "The Q-Link is a technology that amplifies and clarifies the body's energies. By reducing the noise in any energy field, this technology strengthens and purifies the body's own energies. This technology has been scientifically demonstrated to enhance the body's ability to protect itself from harmful environmental radiation, and thus it helps to remove harmful influences on the organism's health and well-being. Therefore, it removes some of the blocks to inner transformation to higher and healthier states of being."

Most notably, the Q-Link has taken the professional golf industry by storm. According to the Q-Link site, more than 300 professional golfers, such as Mark Calcavecchia, Ernie Els, and Bruce Fleisher wear the Q-Link to help them with their game. Furthermore, 120 PGA, LPGA, Champions Tournament, European PGA tournaments have been won by golfers who wear the Q-Link." If you’re interested in using the Link to improve your own performance on the links (or any other kind of course), there’s the Q-Link Ultimate Golf Pack, which includes the Q-Link Pendant of your choice, a couple of golfing DVDs, a newsletter, and a one-year sub to Golf Digest magazine.

Mountain climber and motivational speaker/trainer/personal coach Michael O’Donnell swears by the Q-Link too: "As a climber, I believe that the Q-Link helps me out in myriad ways, such as being able to gain my energetic equilibrium back after difficult moments…Q-Link gives me a source of mental focus, energy, and stamina. It provides me with a foundation of energy that is balanced and calm. There is a definite parallel between Q-Link and the use of oxygen on high altitude peaks. Q-Link gives you a better chance of recovering your energy fully from all the stresses of a large expedition."

I’m wondering if there will come a day when Q-Link pendants are deemed to be an unfair advantage in pro sports, upon which they will be banned like steroids. At any rate, quite a few Ph.D.’s and even a couple of M.D.s are singing the praises of the Q-Link. And the Q-Link folks are happy to provide…um…links to the research that backs their product.

Apparently the Q-Link even works on horses, at least according to Bart Cummings, world-renowned horse trainer and inductee into the Racing Hall of Fame. "In testing, the Q-Link has proven to me to significantly reduce the negative effects of stress, improve overall health and re-balance the functioning of the horses’ internal systems." He adds, helpfully, "To be at your natural sporting best, use Q-Link Products. We do."

You can even buy a Q-Link for your own animals at home. The newly-released Pet-Link is only $59.95. Here’s the scoop: "A Q-Link pet trial was conducted with the idea that new Pet specific Sympathetic Resonance Technology can help protect animals from harmful Electro Magnetic Frequencies, hip aliments, along with many other beneficial effects. The results were overwhelming." Well, that's good enough for me. I'm ordering a bunch of Pet-Links for our neurotic, semi-feral Aussie shepherd mix, Kali. Maybe she'll quit her maniacal barking at even the slightest movement of people, animals or molecules in her immediate environment. It's either a Pet-Link for Kali, or Xanax for the Rev and me.

When researching the Q-Link on the Net – and, as usual, I spent several minutes in intense research to bring you this cutting-edge information – I repeatedly ran across references to electromagnetic fields, or EMFs, as those in the know call them. EMFs are bad news, and there are numerous web sites that tell us about their dangers. I found one site, BlockEMF.com, that offers the Q-Link pendants as well as many other products to protect us from the rays. According to the intro to their pendant page:

There is a wide selection of these pieces of jewelry that provide you with protection while you wear them. They are constructed in a variety of materials and in a variety of styles to ensure that no matter what your tastes are, you will find a piece that you like, which will also provide you with protection against the electromagnetic fields that surround us…While the jewelry is shielding you from the radiation, your body can start eliminating the toxins from your body and help to raise your energy levels along with your level of health. When you first start wearing the jewelry you may experience a detoxification period that can last for varying periods of time. Results of the detoxification can vary from a deeper and longer sleeping pattern and increased mental focus to increased athletic prowess and physical endurance. These may be a result of the higher levels of oxygen in blood that has been reported to be caused by these EMF Pendants. These items of jewelry are also credited with helping to center and balance the detoxified person’s emotions.

Tin-foil hats, anyone?

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2 Comments:

Blogger Steve Salerno said...

Connie, I am impressed. A lot of work went into this. Not that I always thought of you as a shirker; but you're edging dangerously close to giving readers actual investigative/feature journalism, which is something we bloggers are pledged not to do.... (Didn't you get your visit yet from the union delegate? ;)

In truth, this is a battle I fight with myself daily. Like most bloggers who are also authors, I see my blog mostly as another direct PR channel as well as an excellent forum for the exchange of ideas that are bound to increase "ambient" interest in the topic. I don't feel any need to apologize for that, as long as readers feel that they're benefiting from the experience (which is, of course, free). But that's also the rub: At what point do those blogging efforts become, in essence (if not fact), giving away for free the sort of journalistic content that most writers expect to be paid for (and that *I* used to insist on being paid for back in those cro-magnon days before the blogosphere)? Though in SHAMblog's early days I mostly cobbled posts together from existing sources, I now find myself increasingly tempted to perpetrate firsthand research in order to keep the flow of good stuff going, thereby keeping readers engaged.

Anyway, I didn't mean to make this about me; honest. Again, I want you to know how much I enjoy the stuff you post, both here and on SHAMblog. It's lively, it's informative, and it's worthy of being highly compensated.... So tell me again why we're all doing it for nothing??

Thursday, October 05, 2006 6:24:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Steve, thank you for the compliments and for your thoughtful comments. I think the fundamental difference between my blog and yours lies in their differing purposes. Yours, obviously, is intended to be PR for your "real job," or, at least, for one of the products resulting from your real job -- your book, SHAM. And although many of the things I write about on my blog are probably worthy of serious investigation, my purpose so far is still to have fun. I long ago gave up actually trying to make money from making fun of the new age and self-help movements, so I decided just to have fun with it and concentrate on my own "real job," which, ironically enough, sometimes involves editing or ghostwriting self-help books. (However, the Rev's and my clients know about my "cosmic" side, and I never satirize clients or friends. Ex-friends, though, are a different story... :-))

As for doing serious research or investigative writing about some of these "cosmic" topics...actually, as I'm sure you know, the folks at Skeptical Inquirer/CSICOP have been quietly engaging in this type of thing for years. Theirs is a strictly scientific approach, of course, and as a consequence they do not have the mass appeal of more mainstream investigative writing. However, as you have learned with SHAM, even a more mainstream approach will be met with resistance, even anger, when you're messing with people's cherished beliefs.

So why do we do this for free? I can't answer for you, but I honestly think I'm doing it just to convince myself that I am still clever and witty. But if I can make a few people laugh, or even think, in the process...maybe I've accomplished something.

And who knows, it still might lead to something bigger. But my big ambition is to hit the big leagues in the ghostwriting biz and be one of those that the NY publishers call on. How does one get that gig? Maybe I need to do some Ho’annoying chants or something…

Anyway, thanks again for your support.

Thursday, October 05, 2006 7:16:00 PM  

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