Tats incredible

Imagine my delight the other day when I received an email with the subject line, "Here is JOY for YOU – Intense and especially ecstatic happiness!" Naturally, the first thing I thought was, "Oh, boy! A new drug – hopefully one that’s safe, legal and cheap!"* Then I thought, "Nah, probably a new meditation technique or powerful new exclusive technology or something else I’d have to actually work at, and, worse, pay big bucks for." At that I began to feel a bit discouraged, even morose.

I needn’t have been so gloomy. Turns out that this new path to joy is nearly as effortless as taking a drug, and much less risky. You do have to pay for it, but, unlike your average powerful new exclusive technology, it’s not all that expensive.

The amazing truth is that I can change my life just by adorning my body with a Crystal Zen Temporary Tattoo.

I am probably one of the last remaining humans under the age of 90 in the developed world whose body is completely free of tattoos. Matter of fact, I don’t have any piercings either. Even my ears aren’t pierced. Why would I want to poke holes in a perfectly good pair of earlobes? After all, I have little use for jewelry, particularly earrings. If I want to wear earrings I can wear the clip-on kind. Live lizards, for example, make great clip earrings, at least until they let go of your earlobes.

But I digress. I’ve never been all that interested in getting a tattoo, whether permanent or temporary. However, these Crystal Zen products are clearly different from your run-of-the-mill tats, as indicated in the email, which asks: "How do you imagine your life to be? Do you see yourself in peace and celebration of life? We at Crystal Zen hope your life is filled with joy, serenity, and love. Our tattoos are specifically designed to offer your body spiritual healing and positive inspiration through the power of intention."

Having previously blogged about the power of intention,** I was all ears. Or eyes.

"Crystal Zen temporary tattoos are definitely not just another tattoo," the email assured me. "Thanks to the movie ‘What the Bleep’ and Masaru Emoto's ground breaking work, we know that positive words, thoughts and feelings have an impact on the world around us."

Dr. Emoto, a Japanese Doctor of Alternative Medicine, is a true hero among the conspicuously enlightened crowd, mainly by virtue of his book, The Hidden Messages In Water. I have previously mentioned Dr. E. in this blog too. In a nutshell, his H₂O-wow book explains how water crystals can be influenced, for better or worse, by our words and thoughts. If you think happy thoughts about water, this will inspire the water to form lovely symmetrical crystals. If you think bad thoughts or say bad words to water, it will form unattractive crystals. And so forth. The same goes for food molecules. For example, if you cuss at rice, it might get moldy or at least really cranky. If you tell it that it’s wonderful and that you love it, it will respond in kind. I know that goes against the grain, so to speak, of conventional thought, but no problem – if enough folks start believing this stuff, it will become conventional thought.

As it happens, we were just talking about water on Steve Salerno’s SHAMblog the other day. Mere moments after I posted my second comment on his water thread, I received this water-related email. Talk about synchronicity.

The email went on to say, "We have created Crystal Zen temporary tattoos to provide harmony and to transform your unconscious beliefs on many different levels. Whether meditating on the concepts, appreciating the beauty of the art or allowing the magic of healing to occur on a spiritual and subtle level, Crystal Zen temporary tattoos were designed to inspire creative possibility through the power of healing the skin, body, and mind through words and messages."

In case you haven’t figured it out already, here is the water connection: "Water is sensitive to a subtle form of energy and because 70% of your body is water this may have a positive effect on a more subtle level." Therefore, if you stick good words on your body, good things will happen in your life. I noticed that virtually all of the Crystal Zen tattoos address emotions or abstract states of being, such as "joy," "luck," "abundance," "grace," etc. That’s all well and good, but I wonder if temp-tat technology could have medical applications as well, particularly to address specific conditions that have to do directly with fluid (e.g., premenstrual water retention, edema, bladder control problems, etc.). The possibilities are intriguing, although they probably do not bode well for the pharmaceutical and medical industries. But that's okay; the drug companies have enough money already. So I am considering developing my own product line: CosCon's Medical TempTats, an example of which you see here.

I also wonder this: if temporary tattoos are so powerfully effective, wouldn’t a permanent tat be even more so? Of course, that would make it more difficult to change one’s intentions, but still, it’s worth looking into. And I’m sure someone will; it is only a matter of time before most major cities have at least one Powerful Intentions Tattoo Parlor in the trendy part of town.

But for those who have a problem with commitment (or with the vision of sagging tattooed flesh a few decades in the future), temporary tats are worth considering. And for those who want their tats to actually do something as well as say something, a Crystal Zen tat might be just the ticket while you're waiting for the CosCon product line. As the Crystal Zen web site says, "Everyone who sees them is drawn to them and whether their favorite is abundance, freedom or grace, our tattoos give inspiration and offer spiritual healing through positive thinking and the power of water."

Perhaps I’ll order a few cards of these tats and plaster them all over myself and see what happens. I’m sure the Rev will be standing by with his digicam at the ready. Meanwhile, I’m designing a "Marginally Tolerable Flavor" temp tat to stick on our kitchen faucet, with hopes that it will transform the taste of that swill they call tap water in my part of the Bayou City. I'm tired of paying for filters. Or maybe I should just try to sweet-talk the swill and see what happens. It's worth a shot.

* I know, I know – that magical combination of "safe, legal, & cheap" simply doesn’t exist in the world of euphoric drugs. But one can always hope…
** For more on intention (moron intention?), click here.