Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Saturday, September 23, 2006

The power of pretension

It has often been said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Actually, by some accounts the original quotation, often wrongly attributed to Samuel Johnson, was, "Hell is full of good intentions." Eventually it morphed into, "Hell is paved with good intentions." Somewhere along the line, the road was added, perhaps as a subtle reminder that the journey is every bit as important as the destination.

Good intentions may lead to hell, but powerful intentions apparently lead to paradise – more specifically, to Maui. The deal is, everything – good or bad, large or small, sublime or silly – begins with someone’s intention. Great gobs of money in a hustledork's pocket, for instance, begin with that hustledork's intention to persuade other people to part with their hard-earned dollars. And so on. Even the perennially popular Wayne Dyer knows the power of intention, and, of course, has written a book about it.

Nowadays hordes of shiny happy people, and shiny happy people wannabes, are walking around powerfully intending – and many of them (including Wayne, as often as possible) are on Maui. There is, for example, Marcy From Maui, a bubbly, enthusiastic MLM practitioner and professional self-promoter who created the Powerful Intentions web site, described as "a unique Online Community based on Law of Attraction." Marcy’s powerful intention for this site is "to have fun, condition the space of Powerful Intentions to BE the luckiest place in the world!" Apparently joining P.I. is the quickest and easiest route to success: "People who join P.I. are ‘set up’ to BE Successful. Brilliance, Fun, Luck, and Joy can’t help but rub off on them to positively raise their Vibration!"

As Marcy continues, it’s difficult to tell where her mission statement leaves off and her daily affirmation begins. But no matter; it’s the intention that counts:

PI is spreading like wild fire attracting unlimited number of ‘right’ people who collectively co-create the most Abundant and Brilliant ideas, Actions and Manifestations that have ever been experienced on this planet!

AND I am Happy, Connected, and Abundant with Brilliance, Simplicity and Ease ... NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!

It's a DONE DEAL and it sticks No MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!

What are the requirements for joining "The Community," as Marcy refers to it? She explains that members are people from all walks of life who have the following things in common. They...

  • Believe in the Power of Intentions
  • Were somehow "Attracted" to be here
  • Want to connect with "Positive" like minded people
  • Enjoy a little "Spiritual Incorrectness"
  • [Are] magnetized by Abraham-Hicks and "The Secret"

"It is our Powerful Intention to create the most fertile community in the world for people to manifest their Intentions!" Marcy bubbles, and indeed, fertilizer seems to abound in the Community of powerful intenders.

No powerful intention is too large or too small to be considered Community-worthy. "Your intentions may be about anything you desire," assures Marcy. "Health, Wealth, Business, Relationships, Family, Spirituality, Community, Abundance, Travel or ‘Healing Your Goldfish’!"

And how do you achieve your desire? Here’s where the cutting-edge science comes in. Achieving your heart’s desire "is scientifically being accomplished by ‘Charging and Conditioning the Space’ of this Community in such a way that, you, as a member, are able to experience the results of your own Intentions with Fun, Brilliance, Simplicity and Ease!"

Marcy continues, "Years ago the above would have sounded like ‘airy fairy’ jargon to us. Today, we KNOW it to be the leading edge of science. We have the knowlege (sic) and the technology! We have ALREADY done it, and now we are doing it on a much bigger and expanded scale. In non technical terms this means Powerful Intentions was scientifically designed to allow people to be ‘Lucky’!"

It’s not clear exactly how Marcy ended up in Maui, but no doubt she powerfully intended her way there. Or maybe she just got lucky. At any rate, she now resides happily in paradise with her husband and son, living "in a house with a fantastic view of the Ocean, with a super boat." Naturally, she loves to swim with the dolphins.

Okay, so what if you’ve been powerfully intending, and you still don’t live on Maui, but want to? I’m glad you asked, because as it turns out, I have the real Secret: Sometimes, intending just isn’t enough. I’m not saying powerful intentions don’t work. After all, I would never discount anything that has been scientifically proven with quantum physics. But if intending hasn’t gotten you what you want, it’s time to go one step further: pretend. Pretend you have something new to offer, even if you don't. Make people think that you’re more than you are. You’ve heard the expression, "Fake it till you make it," haven’t you? Those are powerful words. In fact, it doesn’t hurt if you continue to fake it even after you make it, because why would you want to ruin a good thing? You will be glad to know that I am in the process of designing the Powerful Pretensions (PP) web site to meet the needs of the growing Community of future Maui residents. Stay tuned to this blog for more details.

Powerful Pretensions is based on The Law Of Distraction, which, as I discussed in my best-selling book The Distractor Factor, is the greatest secret never told, but practiced for centuries by some of the world’s most successful professional motivators. The Law states that even if you have little or nothing to say, you can still make people pay lots of money to listen to you if you can manage to distract their attention from your basic insubstantiality.

To do so, you may need to reinvent yourself, perhaps several times over. There is, of course, an art to self-reinvention, and fortunately there are workshops to teach you that art. The Center for Platitudinal Healing, for example, regularly presents "Re-visioning Your Public Image" and "Survival of the Slipperiest," two mini "shirkshops" that teach you how to re-create yourself. Utilizing inspiring slogans such as, "Conceive...believe...receive...and then leave!" and"Don’t tell lies...Euphemize!", these awesome shirkshops will teach you to be more than you can be, whenever and wherever you want to be or not be it.

After all, the motivational business can be tough, even ruthless; sometimes you have to totally re-structure your image, your identity and even your amazing success story so you can continue to deliver your healing or empowering message to the world. You can learn all about how to re-create yourself in this amazing course taught by one of the world’s top platitudinal heels, Wiener Ehrhead, master serial-identity practitioner and founder of ehrhead affirmation training integrated technologies (eat-it). If you’re interested, send $100.00 US or more, c/o this blog, and I’ll send you a schedule. Maybe.

See you on Maui! If you get there first, save me a coconut.

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13 Comments:

Blogger Steve Salerno said...

Quite a post there, CosCon. I dare say it should be required reading among the Powerfully Attracted--perhaps printed on the back of every ticket to some major themed seminar or other high-dollar shindig led by today's burgeoning roster of motivational evangelists. Keep calling 'em as you see 'em. I'm not sure it'll make any difference, because--as history shows us--the folks who are vulnerable to this stuff will gleefully pay almost any amount to remain in hopeful denial (and will even attempt to justify their behavior on rational grounds, which is another whole story in itself)...but it sure is a hoot to read!

Sunday, September 24, 2006 8:39:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thanks, Steve! The sad thing is that even if a post such as this were required reading, many folks would not perceive it as satire. They'd just want to know where they could sign up for the next "shirkshop." Or they'd want to know how they could become a certified Serial-Identity Practitioner. (And I have known several serial-identity practitioners who, though not certified, were almost certainly certifiable. :-))

Sunday, September 24, 2006 11:09:00 AM  
Blogger RevRon's Rants said...

Does applying a bogus "Doctor" prefix - such as a Doctor of Metaphysics - to your name qualify you as being certified? Or perhaps the *need* to do so qualifies one as certifiable...

Sunday, September 24, 2006 11:20:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Ron. Matter of fact, I just got an email from The University of Metaphysical Sciences, offering me an opportunity to earn my "Bachelors, Masters, Ph.D. or D.D. in Metaphysics & Metaphysical subjects."

The email proclaimed, "All Three Degrees for only $1,995! Plus Course Materials ($155 for Internet Downloads, or $385 for Postal Delivery) Payment plans as low as $50-$60 per month."

The linked web site also offered all sorts of reasons that a degree in Metaphysics would increase my credibility. Plus, there was a helpful list of career opportunities, which included being a Spiritual Counselor, running a metaphysical retreat center, and even starting my own church!

Dr. Cosmic Connie...kinda has a ring to it, doesn't it? (I'm already an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church, of course, but I would so love that doctorate...)

And, of course, I am certifiable, and freely admit it. :-)

Sunday, September 24, 2006 11:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Lana said...

ROTFL! But I feel like I'm going to throw up too :-)

Not too long before you wrote this post, I attended a retreat on a beautiful island. I was surrounded by people talking about manifesting, vibrating, receiving intuitive guidance, etc. Although I'm very interested in consciousness and creating the life we want, I was amazed by the wholesale acceptance of everything LOA (and Abraham-Hicks, Course in Miracles stuff).

I appreciate your creative and humorous posts!

Lana

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 3:08:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thank you for writing, Lana! Despite my cynicism and occasional snideness I am interested in consciousness, etc. too. But, as you said, the wholesale acceptance of the channeling, etc. is ludicrous. Some folks say, "Pay attention to the message, not the messenger." But sometimes you just can't separate the two.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 3:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Lana said...

Yeah, I'm just not into channeled entities. People have told me, "Well, if you can get past the channeling part, the message is really wonderful." But I don't think the message is all that great either. I've seen the fallout, and it's not very pretty. Maybe one day I'll write my experiences under a pseudonym!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 5:38:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Lana, I do hope you write it all down someday, no matter which name you use.

And what's really interesting, re the channeled entities and such (at least I find it interesting, gossip-monger that I am :-)), is that there seems to be kind an LOA turf war between Rhonda Byrne and Esther & Jerry Hicks. They were making nice in public about it, but I pretty much thought a real conflict was brewing in the background, and I had even blogged about it (only to be condemned by some "Secret" fans). But Allen Salkin brought it to light in his NY Times article this past Sunday, Feb. 25.

I've spent a lot of blog space making implications about the motives of the people behind "The Secret" and other New-Wage products. And so have other critics of "The Secret." I've noticed in the discussion forums lately that many folks are shrugging these issues off. "Who cares if they're just out to make money, as long as they're helping people?" they say. (I've heard that refrain almost as often as I've heard, "It's the message, not the messenger, that counts.")

Well, I care. And I think that even though there are a lot of good-hearted, idealistic people in the LOA culture, there is, running through its center, a hardnosed mercenary streak. In the end, it really is more about feeding the bottom line, and the big egos, of a few New-Wage "leaders."

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 5:58:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

"...that there seems to be kind an LOA turf war between Rhonda Byrne and Esther & Jerry Hicks"

Oops, I left out a word. Should read "kind OF an LOA turf war" etc.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 6:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Lana said...

I care too -- a lot.

There is so much to sort through! It is tempting to take the easy way out and start spouting off without thinking anything through.

I have just enough critical-thinking skills to get me into trouble :-)

I can't wait for a super-duper philosopher and critical thinker to dissect The Secret and the LOA, piece by piece, and see what we end up with.

I can't wait for both mainstream and fringey quantum physicists to start making rebuttals to the science claims.

Your new friend,
Lana

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 6:47:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Yes, it should be an interesting "battle," Lana. I hear tell that James Randi is going to be tackling "The Secret," and I am sure that the skeptical magazines will be deconstructing it soon too, as they did "What The Bleep."

Great to have you aboard, Lana!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 7:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Siobhan Blundell said...

Dear Cosmic Connie
One of my favourite quotations is: Facts are stubborn things, but not half as stubborn as fallacies. Your blog is great! Thanks for all the hard work.

Monday, June 25, 2007 2:53:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

You're welcome, Siobhan! And thanks for the praise. :-)

Monday, June 25, 2007 3:00:00 PM  

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