Blowing in the wind

As an Aquarius,* I am an air sign, and darned proud of it. You’d think I would be a water sign, since I’m the water bearer** and all that, but that is not the way sun-sign astrology is set up. The twelve signs are divided into four elements: earth, air, fire and water, and Aquarius happens to fall into the air sign category, along with Gemini and Libra. But the air sign designation seems to fit me because I have always been fascinated by wind – not the kind of wind that Rex, my 135-pound Doberman/Rottweiler/black lab mix, is infamous for passing, but that other type. You know, the kind that cries "Mary," but is called "Mariah." The kind Cat Stevens listened to before he became Yusuf Islam. And so on.

In fact, one of my all-time favorite tongue-in-cheek pseudonyms, which I used in Cosmic Relief, among other places, is "Augusta Wend." When Reverend Ron and I attended a personal-growth conference many years ago, I scribbled the name "Augusta Wend" on my "Hello My Name Is" tag, and he wrote, "Blown Away" on his. Very few people got the joke, even when we were standing side by side. I fear that a few folks, perhaps remembering the Jeff Bridges movie, thought the Rev was hinting that he had planted a bomb in the conference hall, although of course that was not the case. He was just a man in love.

Being interested in wind, I am naturally intrigued by hurricanes, and one of my favorite Neil Young songs is…you guessed it. I am particularly interested in hurricanes when they affect my life directly, as did Rita last year when she tore along the Gulf Coast and gave all of us in the Bayou City a big scare. The Rev and I, heeding the rule of thumb, "Run from the water, hide from the wind," did the latter. We were too far inland to worry about storm surge, so we boarded up the house and hunkered down, and while thousands of our fellow Houstonians evacuated to the safety of hopelessly clogged freeways, we spent our time engaging in some of the more fun activities that stormy weather inspires.

I guess you could say the previous month's disaster, Katrina, affected my life directly too, since as a result of that terrible storm the population of my city (Houston, aka West New Orleans) grew by several hundred thousand. Of course, that’s pretty small stuff compared to the multitudes who lost their lives or who were completely uprooted by the storm’s fury. Don’t think I’m making light of their troubles, because I’m not; even an insufferable narcissist can occasionally see outside the bubble. Katrina was very bad news, no doubt about it.

So naturally, when the 2006 hurricane season began, we on the South Coast held our collective breath, particularly in light of the dire projections that this season would be even worse than the previous one. Now it turns out that we might have been overreacting. For there is, apparently, a way to tame hurricanes and even make them our friends. Speaker, author, and "business and spirit coach" Lynn Marks, aka "Phoenix," aka The Spirit Diva ^TM, has learned how to speak to storms. (I guess you could say she’s tapped into the "Third Eye" of the hurricane.) And now she is even offering a workshop that, while it doesn’t exactly teach participants how to tame hurricanes, at least properly exploits the hurricane metaphor.

I first heard of The Spirit Diva’s hurricane work a few weeks ago when Ernesto was threatening to become something pretty serious, and apparently changed his mind after he got a good talking-to from Phoenix and her followers. Now I’ve just received another message by email from The Spirit Diva herself, bearing the headline, "Tired of Living with Storms in Your Life?" In the email she wrote:

As many of you know I have this ability to converse with hurricanes. Recently 100 people joined us from across the globe for Tropical Storm Ernesto’s special meditation. And, thanks to the divine power that flowed through all who participated, along with countless others, we made a difference.

Ernesto responded positively, never becoming the hurricane forecasted. The media reported that the National Hurricane Center was "puzzled why Ernesto didn’t strengthen as he left Cuba and entered the Florida Straits." (after our global meditation)

When I spoke to the spirit of Hurricane Jeanne in 2004, the message was this: "My purpose isn't destruction. My purpose is to raise awareness, to raise standards. If anything is 'off' it will be revealed by my presence... I represent the storms of your life."

As you may also know, not only can I "talk to hurricanes," I have been blessed with a powerful inner sensing abilities to get to the heart of personal life storms, too - whether it's relationship issues, money worries, career conflicts or decisions, unexpected crises, feeling disconnected... or powerless in any way.

Apparently Phoenix and her fellow meditators could not get through to Katrina, Rita and Wilma in 2005. Or perhaps they only work effectively in even-numbered years. At any rate, for those who are ready to deal with personal storms, Phoenix is now offering not one but two "Women’s Inspiration Network" telephone courses beginning October 3. For "12 inspired weeks," you will get the chance to talk with Phoenix and a group of like-minded women. At this point, however, Phoenix doesn’t really know exactly what you’ll be talking about, since every workshop is different. As she explains,

I am Intuitively Guided in what I present in each class, based on the needs of those in each sacred circle.

The issues we'll be sensing and working with will keep changing as you transform yourself from week to week. I am able to connect with the core essence of the information you'll need to hear both in our group sessions and private phone coaching calls.

But so what if you don’t know the exact itinerary? Results are guaranteed – if you do the work, of course – and by workshop’s end you will be able to:

• See the true (spirit) meaning of your life's confusions, disruptions or crises
• Act upon the deeper messages from your personal "storms"
• Be all you came into this world to be
• Reach the next level of prosperity, peace and personal power

And much, much more.

The catch is, you have to be a woman. ("Sorry, guys, and please pass this on to the favorite women in your life," says The Spirit Diva.)

So how much does it cost? I’m glad you asked, and so is Lynn, who says, "Not much, compared with the life-long benefits of becoming your brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous self. To personally hire me would cost you SEVEN times more than your investment for this program." After which she asks, rhetorically, "Is taking your life to the next level worth the cost of 4 cappuccinos or smoothies a week?" The regular price for her WIN mentoring program is $495, but because I am either a member of her newsletter community or was referred by a friend, she is knocking off $158.00, which will bring my investment down to only $337.00. Plus I get $253.00 in FREE Bonus Gifts. I bet you could get the same deal, even though you're not on her personal friends list.

"Together," Phoenix concludes, "we can dissolve the storms of life." I wonder why the National Weather Bureau hasn’t discovered this woman. If you want to find out more, go to the WIN Workshop page on her web site.

As for me, I’m going to go have a smoothie with my sweetie.

And while we’re on the subject of things that blow…
I have just been alerted to a meditation CD called Blowing Roses – How to Create and Destroy at the Energy Level by Rev. William Duby. No, this is not a how-to book about inter-kingdom*** oral sex. (I wouldn’t even know where to look for a rose’s…well, never mind.) Here’s the scoop, from the publishers:

The science of creating and destroying at the energy level is the art of blowing roses. This spiritual concept was originally channeled by the Very Right Rev. Louis Bostwick, and passed on to Rev. Bill. The rose has had deep symbolic meaning over the ages, and you can tap into the hidden power behind the rose. This profound and practical technique of psychic energy work helps you to make room for what you would truly love to experience in your life. It is easy to clean out the old and musty wardrobe in your mental closet and clothe yourself in new mental garb for a totally prosperous you!

I guess you could say that when spirit spoke, the Very Right Rev Bostwick "rose" to the occasion. I wonder if he was a "thorn-again" Christian...**** Anyway, if you too want to learn how to blow roses, which almost certainly is safer than blowing glass, and much less troublesome than blowing a sitting President (or even a standing one), go to the "Blowing Roses" page on the Health and Wealth Inc. website.

Meanwhile, I’m off to have a wonderful weekend with the Rev, a weekend in which, no doubt, we will sip cappuccinos and smoothies at our favorite al fresco spot – where else would an air sign person hang? And if we remember to do so, we will send love and light out to Tropical Storm/Hurricane Gordon so he doesn’t stir up too much trouble. It's the very least we can do.

* January 24, for those of you who enjoy the free articles on this blog and want to give me an Amazon gift certificate for my birthday (or anyone else’s birthday, for that matter)
** Or water barer, in the backyard pool
*** "Kingdom" in the taxonomic sense
****Please forgive me; it’s been four days since I’ve blogged and I just had to get some very bad puns out of my system.