Master baiting on the phone

"Connect With the Masters Through a Telephone Conference," read the provocative announcement I received by email the other day. I was delighted to see that the message came from author and channeler Carolyn Evers, whom you’ve met here before. Through my favorite New-Wage spam service, Carolyn is promoting a series of conference calls she has set up with various Ascended Masters.

For example, there is Master Kuthumi, the square-jawed dude in the beret, pictured here. His next teleconference is scheduled for Friday, July 27. Hey, that’s the one-year anniversary of Whirled Musings! Can you believe it? The focus of the teleconference, Carolyn explains, is "preparation for ascension as the particles in the lightbody must be changed to accommodate the higher vibrations." I believe that this lightbody rearrangement is a nonsurgical, noninvasive procedure, but I really couldn’t tell from the email.

I’m a little concerned, though. I hope Carolyn doesn’t run into any trouble with The Rev Lynette Leckie-Clark, who, according to her web site, is the "chosen channel" for Master Kuthumi. If Carolyn is not careful she could find herself entangled in a nasty lawsuit, such as that filed by JZ Knight a few years ago when JZ found out that a lady in Berlin was messing around with her imaginary pal Ramtha. JZ won, Ramtha came home to Mama, and Mama is still raking in the millions from gullible dolts those who seek the wisdom of the ages. And then there’s that odd and disturbing love triangle between Saint Germain, Troika Saint Germain, and Wyoming psychic Molly Rowland, which I wrote about last month (scroll down to the second item). Interdimensional relationships can be so complicated.

Archangel Mikael is another Ascended Master who has graciously agreed to participate in Carolyn’s phone conferences. The last one was on July 18, but I’m sure another one will be coming up soon. So what does Mikael have to tell us? "Electrons react differently in the higher dimension as there is more spacing between them," the email explained. "We understood this before the fall in Atlantis. [Mikael] is urging us to remember."

And then there’s Mother Mary, who really gets around. Not only does she appear in porch lights and on pizza pans, but she has managed to pop into the body of virtually everyone who’s anyone in the channeling industry. Mother Mary is taking time out from her busy schedule to do a teleconference with Carolyn on August 15. "Mother Mary understands what it is like to lose a child," explains Carolyn. "She is calling the parents together who have lost a child to heal their hearts and their physical bodies."

But do these teleconferences really connect you to the Masters, or is it just Carolyn talking in funny voices? Well, she says it’s the real deal, and why would a nice lady like that lie to us? "Attendees are reporting remarkable connections to the Masters," Carolyn says, emphasizing that the Masters will be standing by to answer your questions. She doesn’t specify whether she splits the proceeds with the respective Masters, but I’m guessing not. But she does have a valid point when she asks, rhetorically, "Where in history have we been able to connect with an Ascended Master through the telephone and they answer our questions?" She concludes, "These indeed are amazing times."

Yes indeed they are, and what is even more amazing is that while you are at Carolyn’s website, you can order a Universal Akashic Reading, which will help you "understand the colors that were used to create your soul and what that means as to the part of the cosmic plan that you were called forth to complete." Plus she has several books and other products to sell you. Remember, this is the woman who has spoken to Julius Caesar.

If you really want to pick up some other-worldly wisdom from another source, I am sure my friend Blair Warren would be glad to channel his Ass-ended Master Ralph, who, among other things, has revealed the Law of Extraction to Blair.

But maybe dead masters and elevated entities aren’t your thing. Maybe you would benefit more from getting on the horn with a Living Master. I just received notice of a weekly TeleGathering bestowed by a genial-looking bloke in Montana who goes by the name of Sunny Baba, a self-described "man of nature" and "natural man." Do not confuse Sunny Baba with the hairdo-challenged guru and suspected pedophile Sai Baba, nor with Baba Babababarann, guru-ette to the Beach Boys.

Sunny’s weekly phonefest on "Awakening To Oneness" is hosted by a very evolved enterprise called Blue Diamond Pachamama, which offers "Integrative, and Alternative Wellness and Healing on call and at everyone's fingertips through live and virtual events." (Pachamama was an Inca goddess.) The Blue Diamond folks are also dedicated to "celebrating earth's new children including indigo, star, rainbow, crystal and otherwise gifted children," as well as to "presenting new paradigms for intimacy, relationship and self love and acceptance."

Like I said, evolved.

"How would your life be different if you could spend time with a Living Master?" the email asked. "What if you could ask questions, have a dialogue, and receive guidance from someone who is in transcendent state of god communion while being in active communion with everyday life, and do it from the comfort of your home or office instead of traveling to the Himalayas?"

Well, you can get a chance to find out every Tuesday at 12 Noon ET / 9:00 a.m. PT / 10:00 a.m. MT. That’s when Sunny does his phone thing.

"Sunny Baba," the email continued, "is indeed a living Master who has achieved a transcendent state of god communion while being in active communion with everyday life. Sunny had to travel the world to find and sit with Living Masters, but he wants us to have the experience from the comfort of our own homes or offices. The transmission that happens is not dependent upon traveling long distances or searching for long years, and physical presence is not required; it can happen in a moment and by telephone."

Sunny, I was assured, wants to answer all of my questions, while taking me on a spiritual journey and creating "blissful transcendence and huge changes." It’s not about self-improvement; it’s about god realization.

You may be asking, "Cosmic Connie, just what is it that makes Sunny Baba a Living Master, besides the fact that he has traveled all over the world and has done some studying and thinking about spiritual stuff, no doubt smoking some really good weed and taking a few hallucinogenics along the way?" Good question, You. I don't know the entire answer to that question, but it seems clear to me that he didn’t purchase his credentials from a metaphysical college. He apparently earned them the hard way, through experience.

I have wandered and shared my light and wisdom in Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Oregon, Idaho and Montana in a rebuilt 1931 Ford truck, that I updated with a new engine, brakes and mechanics. I towed a covered wagon... "a beautiful gypsy wagon" I built by hand that had stained glass windows, solar-powered lights and music, a fridge, stove and double bed. I am an artist in all parts of my life. I build my own homes, make my own clothes, and love to grow and gather my own food. I paint, and do stained glass windows; tan hides, craft and bead with the leather; design and make buckskin and other clothes; create 13 kinds of moccasins; build temples; re-build vintage cars; and create gypsy wagons. I love going barefoot as often as possible, and I live primarily out of doors.

Okay, I can identify with the "going barefoot" thing. I friggin’ hate shoes. And I wouldn’t mind living primarily out of doors as long as I had Internet access, mosquito repellant, and someone to build fires and hunt and gather all of the stuff that I needed. Actually, Rev can do all of those things, and he’s a damn fine cook, indoors or outdoors.

You can hear Sunny talk about the future of the Earth by following this link (click on the center image). Listening to him go on and on makes me want to go light up a doobie, and I don’t even smoke the stuff. Never cared for it.

Sunny, who no doubt has been a SNAG since years before faux-Native ham Dreaming-Bare had even descended to this plane of existence, also has this to say about himself:

I am very loving and a true gentle man…My life is all about beauty, creativity, romance, love, truth, and honesty… I am a natural man, not a product of my culture. I produce a lot and consume very little, a simple man with a clear mind and an open heart. My name is Sunny Baba, which means "Bright Brother". I have lived a wild / primitive life, and I carry that harmony and wildness into all that I say and do.

But for all you single ladies, sorry, gals, Sunny Baba is taken. He has found his "heart-mate" in 64-year-old Brooke Medicine Cabinet…er, Medicine Eagle. Separately and together they do all sorts of honoring-the-Earth things, and they seem to be involved in some sort of F-M-F arrangment with their "partner" Sally Hill to build a sustainable community in the Bitterroot Mountain area of Montana. Matter of fact, you can be part of this community too.

Actually, when you look at the photos, it doesn’t seem like such a bad life at that, though I wonder how many months of the year Sunny can actually go barefoot in Montana. And I have to admit that the guy has a ton of life skills that I sure don’t possess. I can’t even thread a needle, or hammer a nail in something without seriously injuring myself and destroying whatever it was I was trying to hammer a nail into.

Anyway, if you want a transcendent experience on the phone, call 1-900… I mean, click here. As for me, I think I’m going to go watch the movie Flashback again, even though Ron and I just watched it last night. I suddenly feel in the mood, for some reason.