Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Hunka hunka burnin’ lust…on Maui!

Just when I thought I was ready to finally wrap up the increasingly ill-named Hawai’ian "Week," I got this email last night that was so full of mana that I just had to share it with you, Dear Ones. The message came from my favorite New-Wage spam service, which never disappoints. The subject line read, "Be Kissed into Consciousness with Dreaming-Bear." On first glance that didn’t sound particularly Hawai’ian, but then when I scrolled down I found out that Dreaming-Bear, after flitting about in twenty-six states in the US and seventeen countries overseas, has finally alighted on Maui.

Dreaming-Bear Kanaan, aka "The Kissing Prophet" (for which moniker I think we have some ditzy Maui journalist to blame) is a poet, performance artist, and poseur extraordinaire who appears to be deeply in love with himself. Judging by some of the pics on his web site, he also must drink a lot of Red Bull. But he’s also got a mystical shtick, which is why I got wind of him from my New-Wage spam service. His spiritual credentials are pretty impressive: he is, according to the email I received, "an Ordained Mystic Shaman, Author of 8 Inspired Books, Compassion Troubadour, & an International Spiritual Teacher of Tenderness."

Among his books is a collection of poetry entitled Wild Love ~ Kissed into Consciousness. So far it has a five-star review on Amazon, based on three reviews, and if you read those reviews, particularly the first one, you'll see the writing style is remarkably similar to that of the poet himself. Wow, his gift must be contagious, huh? Of his poetry he writes:

I Am, therefore. I Write. Each poem is my own personal painting with words. What Michelangelo did with the Sistine Chapel; I have sought to do to the page of Existence with the palette of thought.*

According to the bio on Amazon, Dreaming-Bear "has been a Professor at various universities & colleges for the last seven years, he holds two Masters Degrees, one in Communication, & one in Native American Philosophy (being completed now)." He is currently traveling and speaking around the world in homes, schools, and public venues "in an effort to create communal ecstasy and spiritual rapture through a synergy of poetry, art, music, and dance; happening in sacred performance rituals called: Shaman’s Seduction."

I imagine things have been a little dull on Maui since the disgrace of Tilak, who for a time was one of the darlings of the conspicuously enlightened on that magical isle (although he didn't actually live there). Dreaming-Bear is younger and whiter than Tilak, and as far as I know he doesn’t keep little flashlights in his mouth, but he does seem to have an enthusiastic female following.

Here’s what last night’s email promised:

Come experience Ecstatic Love through a dialogue of divinity! Be a part of the High Vibration poetic darshan, all the while being aroused to inspiration through expanded thought forms; which untie your heart’s wings & allow the sacred within you to soar! Feel your mind, body, & spirit come together have a quantum-conscious evolution in the Now, as you so playfully discover your second-innocence. Let your senses be reborn through the essence of Oneness. Receive the activation & inspiration your soul has been longing for!

Here are three upcoming opportunities for you to commune with what is being described as "Hafiz and Rumi joining hands and hearts to walk into the 21st century & use Dreaming Bear’s tongue as theirs to deliver their ancient voices to a world hungry for Divine-Love."
~Maui Mass Media~

Reading further, I gained a little more insight into Dreaming-Bear’s shtick:

MauiTime Weekly writes of Dreaming-Bear:

Yeah, he's kinda really hot, too. I prefer to think of him as the kissing prophet. He whispers and flirts his message of peace in seductive language and varying degrees of undress. He says stuff like, "Make love to the moment" and "taste the holiness in the chocolate," so you know I’m totally down with that. Don’t let me steer you wrong, though — DB’s intentions are pure and true, of course, meant to inspire against the ravages and tragedies of war. DB believes in this generation, in this society, that we’ve really lost a sense of tenderness as a way of life. And when I say tenderness I mean kindness and compassion, kissing. Imagine for a moment kindness and compassion making out in the corner somewhere," he’s said on a YouTube video entitled "Chocolate Poetry." How sweet that would be, wouldn’t it? And that’s tenderness expressing itself in us. Mmmhmm... like I said, kissing prophet.

But ya know, I think you really need to experience a little hunka hunka Dreaming-Bear for yourself. Make sure you’re not drinking anything, because it might end up coming out of your nose and messing up your keyboard (I’m watching out for you, Tony). And you probably ought to empty your bladder too, unless you were planning on changing your underwear anyway.

All righty, then, Dear Ones, are you ready for a little Bear? Here are some samplers:

History, particularly modern history, has shown us that intense narcissism coupled with pseudo-mysticism can be either tremendously entertaining or terribly dangerous. I’m definitely leaning towards the former with Dreaming-Bear, particularly since he is ostensibly hamming and posing for a noble cause: peace. But I think it’s pretty obvious that his highest cause is himself. As a narcissist myself, I can relate. In fact, I find that Dreaming-Bear is inspiring me. He has convinced me, once and for all, of a deep truth about myself:

I gotta find me a shtick or a scam.

More Dreaming-Bear gossip here (scroll down to fifth item, "Dreaming-Bear redux").
For the scoop on Dreaming-Bear at Burning Man, click

* Dreaming-Bear also has a book called The Comma Sutra. He's not the first to build a book around that particular pun; there's at least one other book with the same title. In fact, yours truly had this same brilliant idea back in 1992 or so, but I never did anything about it. You can read more about me and my bright ideas here.

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Anonymous Lana said...

I wish, I wish... Dare I say?...

I could grow my hair that long!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007 8:54:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

You and me both, Lana. Ron probably could grow *his* hair that long, but it would be unmanageable.

I sure wouldn't want to live with a guy like Dreaming-Bear. I'd have to constantly compete for mirror space!

Thursday, July 19, 2007 10:43:00 AM  
Blogger Citizen Deux said...

What some guys won't do to get laid.

Thursday, July 19, 2007 11:12:00 AM  
Blogger RevRon's Rants said...

And all this time, I thought Rod McKuen was dead... :-)

Thursday, July 19, 2007 11:24:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God, He is cute. He looks a lot better on his website where he's not blue. I'd love to see some photos without the loin cloth.

Does he really use the money to help his refugee family Connie?

Thursday, July 19, 2007 11:35:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

"What some guys won't do to get laid."

Hey, CD -- those were my sentiments exactly!

Thursday, July 19, 2007 12:42:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

"And all this time, I thought Rod McKuen was dead... :-)"

"'E's not dead, 'e's just restin'!"

No wait, that's the parrot in Monty Python. Unlike the parrot, Rod McKuen really does seem to be alive. Sort of. He's 74.

Thursday, July 19, 2007 12:45:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Sorry about the blue-ing of Dreamy-Bear, Anon. I just blue things around here. It's what I do.

Cute? Well, I guess our tastes differ. I do like his hair, though. And I really don't know whether the money goes to his refugee family members or not. But it sounds good, anyway.

Thursday, July 19, 2007 12:47:00 PM  
Anonymous idioteque said...


I think it's hilarious that lots of SNAGs almost always have a sexual component to their "therapies". I agree with anon that he is kinda cute, reminds me of a surfer guy. However, I've already had my fill of SNAGs.

Check your inbox for LOLs on this subject.

Thursday, July 19, 2007 1:24:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Hey, thanks, Id, for this comment and the private one. I agree that many of the SNAGs trade on their sexual attractiveness, or what they try to pass off as such. Then again, women do the same thing (duh). No matter who's doing it, there's something smarmy about mixing sex and "therapy."

Normally I'd cut someone like Dreamy-Bear a bit more slack because he isn't claiming to be a therapist, but he's still setting himself up as a target 'cos he's such a poseur.

Thursday, July 19, 2007 3:46:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a scream!!! Thank you SO much for the good laugh.

I've ever known I'd love to put him on a rez with REAL Indians and see how long he lasts! I'd give him less than 15 minutes before they roll him up and laugh him out of there.

Thursday, July 19, 2007 7:28:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

You're probably right, Anon. But on Maui, they'll just gobble him right up. After all, they liked Tilak!

Thursday, July 19, 2007 10:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Since he's Indian, somebody should ask him what the reservation slang term "Twinkie Plastic" means!

Or why calling a REAL Indian a "part Cherokee" will usually get you punched in the face (it's another Indian slang term and a serious insult - because that's what all the twinkie plastics always claim to be!)

Saturday, July 21, 2007 12:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dig this guy's tipi house, too. Somebody should tell him it was the Sioux who lived in tipis - Cherokees lived in mud huts. Too funny!!!

Saturday, July 21, 2007 12:24:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Anon. I'm not sure what this dude is supposed to be...an odd mix of faux-Native-American and phony Middle Eastern mystic wrapped up in a SNAGgy persona? What's really pitiful is that he seems to have a following.

Saturday, July 21, 2007 9:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I noticed his following...some of those comments from women were absolutely hilarious!!!

Now if this guy was selling himself as a hair care guru, that would be a lot more believable. Unless the hair is as phony as the rest of him and he's got extensions....

His name should be more like 'Dreaming Bare' (well, almost). Or after listening to him on Myspace, I think 'Spouting Bull' is appropriate too.

Sunday, July 22, 2007 3:43:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Well, Anon, since he has wings in some of his photos, I figure he drinks a lot of Red Bull, so he probably *is* full of Bull. :-) Honestly, he is a caricature of a SNAG... on the other hand, maybe he's SUPPOSED to be a comedian. I didn't think of that. In fact I often wonder if some of the folks I write about are really just pulling our legs. If so, the joke really is on us!

Sunday, July 22, 2007 9:45:00 AM  
Blogger ADAC said...

I was showing this guy to a friend who needed a good laugh, and we noticed that his writing - "at last Pure-One, at last!" looks suspiciously like he's plagiarized the label from Dr. Broenner's Magic Soap "All-One!" :)

Friday, August 03, 2007 1:32:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Good point, ADAC. Dr. Bronner was a true original, worthy of plagiarizing I'm sure.

For those who are curious, here's a link to an image of one of his soap labels (you'll probably have to copy and paste the link in pieces):


Saturday, August 04, 2007 12:46:00 PM  
Blogger yomamma said...

New age beefcake kitsch at it's finest! GOL (gaging out loud)

Tuesday, August 07, 2007 9:11:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Yeah, Yomamma, I'm gagging too! :-)

Tuesday, August 07, 2007 2:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dr. Bronner sold soap oil hoping to get world peace.....and Dreaming Bare sells snake oil hoping to get a piece.

Thursday, August 09, 2007 10:08:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Anon. One would think that anyone who actually fell for D-B's shtick would have to be very young and/or very impressionable. But considering what people of all ages are willing to believe these days, it's hard to pin down the demographic.

Monday, August 13, 2007 2:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not sure how old these comments are, but just try reading some of his literature. It's not like the guy is spreading hate or violence. He tries to push a 'revolution of living'.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 5:35:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Anon 5:35 PM: Agreed, DB's message is one of "love." But he strikes me as a poser. I find him silly and narcissistic. Plus I have admittedly unsubstantiated information that he has at times used his "charms" to...let's just say exploit some young impressionable followers. All of that makes him fodder for this blog.

If you've read this blog, you'll see that virtually all of the folks I make fun of are advocates of love, positive thinking, etc. In some cases it's not the substance of their message but merely the style I find ludicrous. In many cases it's both.

That said, I'd take a dozen DB's over one of a certain hate-mongering blogger who supposedly is working my side of the street (his words), but whose anger has reached a toxic level.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 9:38:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you guys and gals posting here ever feel like you are wasting a lot of your time and energy on endless negativity; especially when it's about someone you don't even know, or apparently don't even care about?

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 12:42:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Anon 12:42 AM: I can't answer for anyone else except myself. But no, I don't feel my blog is a waste of time. Then again, I'm biased. :-)

Wednesday, January 07, 2009 11:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As someone who has gotten to ... ahem ... know DB very well, I will credit you to say that you see right through his supposed mission of love. I have become so disappointed in his persona and lack of ability to embody what he says he stands for.

I wonder who he would be if he were humbled by a less beautiful body?

Each event I attended I witnessed him use sexual energy to magnetize people rather than divine love.

Whaddya say Playboy or Poet ?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009 1:54:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Well, since he's clearly not a poet, I'm going to have to go with playboy, Anon. :-)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009 2:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is an excerpt written exposing some hideous truths about dreaming-bear on NAFPS (new age frauds and plastic shamans.)


Sunday, October 25, 2009 11:41:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Anon 11:41 AM: Thank you so much for that link. It's very revealing (and yet not at all surprising)...

Sunday, October 25, 2009 2:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tsk tsk tsk....you people have way way too much time on your hands...try just BEING and loving one another instead of looking for someone to hang crap on! Feel inferior much? lol

Tuesday, January 19, 2010 9:33:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Let me guess, Anon 1-19-10: You're a DB fan. Or you're DB himself. In any case, I don't think any of us here have spent an inordinate amount of time "hanging crap" on DB. I wrote this post two and a half years ago and comments have trickled in over the years. And I didn't go out looking for someone to "hang crap on"; the info about DB originally came to me via an ad in my email in-box.

But I thank you, and I'm sure my other commenters will thank you too, for the drive-by pop psychoanalysis.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010 10:51:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I made the 'mistake' of sponsoring DB for an event thinking he would represent the message portrayed on his website regarding oneness and peace. Sadly, he did not walk his talk. He was arrogant, rude, demeaning, and insensitive in his interactions with others. I saw the 'behind the curtains' persona and he is total opposite what he claims to represent. He does however do a fabulous job 'acting' when he has an audience. Trust me the only person DB is concerned with is himself.

Monday, May 30, 2011 10:05:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Why am I not surprised, Anon (May 30, 2011)? Many actors and other types of entertainers present a public persona that is quite different from their private behavior.

DB once wrote me a long and impassioned private email (subject line: "Aloha, Beautiful Connie!") all but begging me to stop writing bad stuff about him. He noted (and I am paraphrasing here) that he is just an entertainer -- harmless, really -- and not the personification of evil.

Well, I've never portrayed him as actually evil, just ludicrous. However, I must say that if DB were indeed merely "an entertainer" I would have ignored him on this blog, as I do most performance artists. What makes him fodder for my Whirled is that he has always used that New-Wage love-peace-and-spirituality ruse (couched in his "poet laureate of nature" shtick) to advance his cause -- and to seduce susceptible women, judging from many reports I've heard.

Monday, May 30, 2011 10:52:00 AM  

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