Water you doing the rest of your life?

Lately I have been getting a deluge of emails about water. It seems that good old H₂O is becoming a liquid asset for more and more new age entrepreneurs. It could be that I’m attracting all of these messages simply because I’ve written and thought about the subject so much recently. For example, in my Oct. 1 post, I blogged about a company that offers temporary tattoos specifically designed to heal or enlighten anyone or anything you stick them on. Since these tats are based on real science, according to their makers, I figured they must work. So convinced was I of their power that I was on the verge of designing a temp tat of my own to put on our kitchen faucet. I thought it might make our truly awful tap water taste better.

Now I’ve found out that I might not have to go to all that trouble. I just received an email from a company called The Spirit Of Water, and guess what they make? Water Blessing Labels. The company’s slogan is, "Transform all your water into liquid prayers." They offer a wide range of clear labels with words such as, "love," "gratitude," "miracles," "joy," "serenity," "prosperity," and "self-love."

These decals are all carefully designed to transform water, as well as whoever drinks the transformed water. You can stick them just about any place where there’s water or liquid of any kind – food jars and bottles, medicine bottles, I.V. bags, pet water, plant water, hoses, faucets, showers, bathtubs, car windows, mirrors, refrigerators, aquariums, hot tubs, oceans, etc.

Water Blessing Labels work pretty much the same way the aforementioned temp tats work – by communicating your powerful intentions to the items you stick ’em on (as well as to the Universe, of course). We already know from the works of Dr. Masaru Emoto and the movie What The Bleep Do We Know? that water is sensitive to words, just as plants were back in the 1970s when Peter Tompkins wrote that bestselling book about their secret lives. So it only makes sense that if you slap a sticker on your water, it will respond to the words on that sticker. And if you subsequently drink the water, you'll soak up whatever good intentions it absorbed from those magical words. You could just eliminate the middle man and put the stickers on your own body, I suppose, but no doubt you’re already covered with temp tats, so you might as well put the decals on your water, as the Universe intended.

And you'll be glad you did, because once you start stickering your water, your life is sure to change. As the Spirit of Water people explain it, "When you put your intentions into your water, you are putting your water in action for you. 'Water in action equals the Law of Attraction.'"

Like I said, real science.

The Water Blessing Decals come in collections of fourteen to sixteen labels, selling for $9.95 per collection (bulk discounts are available). Each collection is devoted to a specific theme; currently available are "Healing Medicine," "Prosperity" (no big surprise there), "Sacred Symbols," "Personal Growth," "Sacred Feminine," and "Feng Shui." Notably missing is the Sacred Masculine, or even the Profane Masculine, but maybe that’s coming next. The Feng Shui and Sacred Symbols collections are actually symbols rather than words, but they are every bit as effective as the word decals because they are "imbued with the purity of the spiritual tradition in art."

I know what you’re thinking, and it’s the same thing I was thinking when I first got the email: Hey, I have the font that the Water People used, or something that looks a lot like it, and I have some transparent labels and a good printer; why can’t I just make my own Water Blessing Labels? But then I dug a little deeper and discovered that the Spirit of Water folks "used an artistic and sensitive approach in selecting the right words to convey deep personal intentions." And that made me realize that since these decals are so powerful, their design is best left in the hands of sensitive, spiritually aware professionals. The only problem is, there still doesn't seem to be a decal specifically to make foul-tasting water palatable. So I may be on my own there after all.

Now, if you've tried using decals and temporary tats and your water still isn't behaving, and your life is still pretty sucky, it’s possible that your water is illiterate. You can put the most profoundly loving words on your H₂O, but if it can’t read them, you’re SOL. You could teach your water to read, I suppose, but that can be tricky. Or you could try using the symbol decals instead of the word decals, but then you might run into cultural / spiritual-illiteracy challenges. (Redneck water, for example, is unlikely to have any earthly notion about what the yin-yang sign means. And even I don’t know what most of those other symbols stand for.)

That’s where the magic of sound comes in. Even the stupidest water is likely to understand a good sacred chant. That’s why you might be interested in an upcoming workshop that promises to teach you "How To Achieve Extraordinary Vibrational Energies." Batteries are not necessary for this kind of vibrational energy; instead, the magic key is something called "Pineal Toning™," which allows you to experience "a melting of dimensional barriers."

Melting dimensional barriers has always been one of my top priorities. For a long time I’ve felt that the biggest problem facing the human race is that most of us are stuck in the third dimension, which is a shame because there are so many more dimensions, most of which are way more fun than this one. Pineal Toning™ allows us to escape the confines of the 3D world. If you’re wondering exactly what Pineal Toning is, or how it tackles those pesky dimensional barriers, I’m not quite sure. But I do know it has something to do with sound, specifically, with a chant that activates the pineal gland, which is associated with the sixth chakra or the tenth chakra, depending upon which chakra system you subscribe to. Pineal Toning, as it turns out, was developed in the lab of the good Dr. Emoto. And it must be pretty powerful, because it somehow induced Tokyo tap water to produce beautiful symmetrical crystals. This is significant because, according to Dr. Emoto’s lab, it is very difficult to get any type of crystals to form in Tokyo tap water, which apparently has a horrid reputation. Yet after a few moments of "vibrational immersion in the Pineal Tone," the Tokyo sample had been transformed from a "chaotic, polluted appearance" to an appearance that "suggests clear, healthy water." No word on if anyone drank it or not, and if so, how it tasted, but who cares? It's the appearance that counts.

And if Pineal Toning can do this for Tokyo tap water, just think what it can do for you. According to the ad, if you attend this workshop you can not only experience "intense and amplified vibrational states," but you can also "increase your awareness and abilities," and "learn to grow younger by the day." A participant in a 2005 vibration workshop said, "Again and again I found my body circling around its central axis – fast and slowly, clockwise and counter clockwise through changes of colors…and energies and all around my heart I felt little sensations, like being filled past full…" To me that sounds like a combination of good hallucinogenics and a really large sex toy, but then, what do I know?

The next Vibrational Energies workshop will be held in San Diego November 4 and 5, 2006, with an optional November 6 session. Tuition is $333 right now, but $377 after Oct. 12. Oops, that’s today, so you'd better hurry. Lunch is provided for the first two days, but tuition is reduced if you are fasting or if you are a breatharian. A breatharian is a person who doesn’t eat or drink but lives solely on light or life force or some other universal substance you probably can’t pick up at the supermarket. If that sounds like the lifestyle for you, click here for more information. But if you are interested in Pineal Toning, you will have to attend the vibrational seminar, because for some reason "these tones are only available live and in person!" Click here to sign up, or for more info send an email to seminars@gematria.com.

I didn’t see any indication that Dr. Emoto himself is going to be at the November vibrator vibration workshop, but he will be on The Ocean of Gratitude Cruise to Panama, Costa Rica and Belize this coming February 20-28. Dr. Emoto and "a host of engaging presenters" will "amplify the frequency of gratitude with practical tools, intuitive practices and experiential activities." There will be water, water everywhere, so Dr. E. and his pals will have a lot to work with, as they show you how to…

• ANCHOR Gratitude into your life with practical tools, intuitive practices and experiential activities
• EXPLORE the principles of Gratitude applied to Sacred Commerce, health, creativity and much more
• ENHANCE your ability to gracefully surf the waves of change
• EXPAND your connections within our growing family of Gratitude
• BASK in the warmth of conscious conversations, uplifting music and Caribbean sunshine
• SWIM in a bountiful ocean of fun, joy and relaxation

You will also learn how to "step into the infinite field of YES!"

Sounds like fun to me, but I think I'll have to pass, since rates start at $1,299 per person. (If you register before November 1, 2006, though, you’ll receive a $100 discount.) As for me, as soon as it stops raining here I’m going to step outside into the finite field of grass and trees and dog poop, and slap a few "clearing" and "transformation" decals on the outside of our above-ground pool. Maybe that'll get rid of the leaves and dead bug bits without the Rev and I having to actually pick up the dip nets or the pool vacuum. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Something to wet your interest...

I'm so excited I'm about to wet myself. I just received an email announcing the new generation of Water Blessing Labels from the folks at The Spirit of Water. I blogged about these products last month, and I'm thrilled that the product line continues to evolve. While the first labels were inspired by the movie, What The Bleep Do We Know, these new ones owe their existence to the glorified infomercial The Secret. The Secret, as you may know, is all the rage in enlightened circles; it has even hit the mainstream now that Larry King has run his own two-part infomercial, "Beyond Positive Thinking," to promote the movie's "stars" (as well as some other spiritual mercenaries from What The Bleep).*

Anyway, these new "Law Of Attraction" Water Blessing Labels are now on sale for a special "pre-release" price of $8.00 a sheet (regular price $9.95). They're static-cling and reusable, and, like their predecessors, they are "consciously created." Included in the new line are such powerful, original and awe-inspiring phrases as, "Reach for your dreams," "Follow your bliss," "Assume an attitude of gratitude," and "Be here now." All you do is stick 'em on your water, put the water in you, and be prepared for lots of good stuff to come your way. Or at least be prepared to reach for your dreams, be here now, etc. What could be easier?

PS. Just in case you don’t feel like following the link to my previous water blog, I suppose I’d better give a nutshell (emphasis on the first syllable?) explanation of the Water/Law Of Attraction connection. This entire concept is based on the work of Japanese metaphysician Dr. Masaru Emoto, who has produced a small stack of books about the hidden messages in water, the secret life of water, the hidden agendas of water, etc. According to Dr. Emoto and his legions of water-crazy minions, H2O is a near-magical substance, or at least a conscious one that is responsive to the emotions and thoughts of those around it. Dr. Emoto has proven this with scientific experimentation and photographs. If you yell or cuss at water, it will behave badly. If you sweet-talk it, it will respond accordingly. And since we humans are three-quarters water, as is our blessed planet, it is of vital importance that we bless all of the water around and in us. There are many ways to do this, but one of the most effective is to apply clear, static-cling labels to the water we drink or bathe in. The water will then absorb those nice words and transfer the magic to us.

As I said, what could be easier?

* If you're interested, here's a link to a transcript of Part 1 of Larry King's "Beyond Positive Thinking" infomercial, which originally aired on Thursday, Nov. 2, 2006.

Must be something in the water...

Call it synchronicity, or perhaps I just "attracted" it with the Aquarius-themed graphics I've been playing with. Or maybe the fact that I was born under the sign of the Water Bearer has something to do with it. But I have just received a very exciting email about water and the Age of Aquarius.

"Now is the time," the email began. "It all starts now. As you read this, the excitement will build. Although you haven't known it, you've been waiting for this message."

Well, I love to find out about stuff I've been doing that I didn't know I was doing. In recent weeks I've been getting some lectures on that very subject, from various self-proclaimed experts. But had I really been waiting for this particular message? I couldn't begin to tell you. I did find myself getting excited, however, although that may have been partly due to the fact that The Rev happened to come into my office while I was perusing the email, and as he read over my shoulder, he slowly began to...oh, wait. Sorry. It's not that kind of blog.

Exciting news poured forth from the email:

We humans are prewired for limitless potential at a preplanned juncture in
time. Now is that time. Our sleeping DNA are awaiting frequencies - also
planned for eons - to awaken them and trigger them to express to their
fullest potential. Our company and what we're producing are a large part of that plan. We have the frequencies for the Aquarian Age. And guess what? You guessed it. Water is involved.

Well, of course water would be involved. And I've certainly blogged about water before. But this was something new, something even more scientifically advanced than the Water Blessing Labels I've previously written about. The email continued:

The Aquarian Age we are just entering is about water, the power of water -
She is the Water-Bearer* - and we have been guided to design and build an
extraordinarily powerful yet simple software tool called Aquaware as a
technological trigger for this abundant and amazing age we're moving rapidly into.

Well, I imagine you're excited too now, and you want to know just what Aquaware is, and how it works.

I'm afraid it's a bit too scientific and technical to go into on a blog like this, but I will share with you the explanation in the email:

In brief, Aquaware is software for PCs which impregnates water with
frequencies that are able to bring about objectives in the water-based human body. Those frequencies create geometrical forms that modify water's snowflake-like liquid crystals which, after ingestion, bathing, showering or direct application, then modify you at the cellular and molecular levels, and even at the level of your DNA, according to selectable intent. It's truly a marvel and works almost unbelievably well.

This is like nothing that's come before in terms of software or other
technological means - different approach, different math, different delivery
mechanism, different everything, and the change in the physical properties
of the water can be observed directly, including a difference in taste,
texture, wetness, etc. And as much water as you've worked with before, water modified with Aquaware will nevertheless surprise you in a big way.

I bet by now you are so excited you're about to wet yourself. If you're going to do that, don't you think you'd have a better overall experience if the vibes in your pee were accelerated via Aquaware?

The good news is that you can try Aquaware risk-free.

As it's free to try in order to prove it to yourself, there is nothing to
lose except everything that is toxic in your system of being, along with all
other superfluous detritus that no longer serves you. You'll adjust with
grace, beauty, power and intended effortlessness to the more natural you
that is prepared for limitless creativity and play in the coming Cosmic
Party.

The power of Aquaware is absolutely majestic. If you're an intuitive or are
otherwise sensitive to energy, you will know it upon the first few seconds
of being on the Website.** The excitement will immediately begin. In fact, it
has begun in you even now. We can feel it as we write this text.

My hands are shaking, and I bet yours are too. So c'mon, go with the flow; pay a visit to the Aquaware folks today. Or, as they put it in the email: "Explode into your new way of being by visiting Aquafrequencies today."

* Notwithstanding the fact that Aquarius is, in fact, an Air Sign.
**Hmmm....where have we heard something about magical Websites before?

If it’s Tuesday, this must be Snipe Day

Actually, any day that ends in "y" is a snipe day here at Whirled Musings. But I had to think of a title for this post, so there you are. In case you are too young to understand the reference (or in case you did too many, or not enough, drugs in your youth and mucked up your memory), here it is.

Okay, on to the important issues of the day.

Everyone knows it’s windy…
As you probably know if you’ve been hanging around on my Whirled for a while, there is a Florida lady named Lynn Marks, aka the Spirit Diva, who channels messages from hurricanes. She has spoken to such well-known hurricanes as Rita and Wilma in 2005, and has been in close communication with the MVP’s in this hurricane season. Lynn says we should all try to understand hurricanes, which are actually kindhearted beings who just need some love. Lynn has learned that they really don’t mean to hurt us; in fact, they’re here to teach us. Even though most of the storms she’s talked to have caused loss of lives and property, Lynn believes that the hurricane meditations she leads – as well as the efforts of other hurricane communicators – have helped prevent the storms from inflicting even more damage.

And I think we should all be profoundly grateful. But wouldn’t you know it – some people are just never satisfied. Lynn and her friends have done their work so well that Tropical Storm Gabrielle (the 2007 version; there have been other Gabrielles) couldn’t even organize herself into a hurricane. You’d think that the folks in the Carolinas would be thankful for Gabrielle's ditziness and lack of organization. But noooooooo….now they’re griping because much of North Carolina is in a drought, and they could use a little bit of rain. They were sort of hoping Gabrielle would oblige – not flood them or kill them or anything like that, but just water their plants.

But Gabby was, for the most part, a major disappointment. According to an AP story by Mike Baker, "Other than some inconvenient wind, road flooding and a bit of welcome rain, Gabrielle left tourists and surfers largely unimpressed." So I suppose that people are going to be blaming the Hurricane Diva.

Sigh… Lynn just can’t win.

Doctoring up your credibility
Last spring (or fall, if you live in That Other Hemisphere) I wrote about how excited I was regarding the prospect of obtaining some advanced phony degrees in order to increase my credibility. Well, as usual, I sat on my butt for several months and did nothing about it. I was too busy with my day job and other matters of consequence. Now here it is, almost fall (or spring, for you Other-Hemispherians), and darn, I’m still un-doctorated.

Part of the problem is that there are just so many choices facing the person in search of a made-up education. There’s such an amazing variety of programs and price ranges that it is easy to get overwhelmed.

Yet there’s no denying that an advanced degree or two pays untold dividends, credibility-wise. And that very often means money in the bank for you. In short, why just be Mr. (or Ms.) Amazing when you could be Dr. Amazing?

There are several ways to go about getting your advanced degree. If you are thinking of bilking people making money in the burgeoning New-Wage industry, you could obtain a degree or two from a prestigious metaphysical diploma mill University. In my March blog post I discussed several of these, but I failed to mention one of the original and absolutely most prestigious Meta-U’s, The University Of Metaphysics in Sedona, Arizona.

This is a highly regarded University that counts among its recent graduates "Dr." Della Reese-Lett. The University of Metaphysics web site describes her as "A Doctoral Degree Graduate Of Our University System Honored With A Lifetime Achievement Award For Her Contributions To The Spirituality Of The Planet by Conducting Her own Ministry Of Many Years, While Contributing Through Such Roles As Touched By An Angel."

Some of the doctoral degrees offered at The University of Metaphysics are:

• Doctor of Metaphysical Science, Msc.D. Good for anyone who wishes to deal with all areas of Metaphysics, i.e. teaching, counseling, healing, and ministry.
• Doctor of Metaphysical Counseling, Mc.D. Good for anyone wishing to concentrate on one-to-one counseling from a metaphysical viewpoint.
• Doctor of Ministry, D.Min. Good for anyone wishing to be a minister conducting his/her ministry more in a church-type setting. Specialties are available in various aspects of ministry and are noted on the degree. Choices include New Thought Ministry, Holistic Counseling Ministry, Pastoral Counseling and Holistic Ministry.
• Doctor of Divinity, D.D. Good for anyone who wishes to do a great deal of spiritual teaching. Specialties are available in Pastoral Counseling or Spiritual Healing.
• Doctor of Holistic Ministry, Mh.D.® Good for anyone who wishes to have a more holistic oriented ministry emphasizing the whole person and health-based on a blending of body, mind, and Spirit.
• Metaphysical Hypnosis, Mhyp.D.® Good for anyone who wishes to specialize in teaching self-hypnotic techniques as a means of reprogramming positive spiritual truth and as a method of release into higher meditational consciousness. The awarding of this degree does not give one the legal right to practice hypnotherapy—but rather a person with ministerial ordination that specializes in doing pastoral educational counseling or teaching in the spiritual uses of selfhypnotic practices. A cassette tape of hypnotic induction for self-hypnotic conditioning should be submitted with the Doctoral Dissertation.
• Metaphysical Psychology, Mpsy.D.® Good for anyone specializing in educational counseling, teaching, writing and ministry on how to apply higher metaphysical spiritual truth to improve life, love, success and happiness. The awarding of this degree does not give one the right to practice as a psychologist, but rather signifies a person with ministerial standing versed in the psychology of metaphysically oriented pastoral counseling.
• Biblical Interpretation, D.D. Good for anyone who wishes to specialize in teaching and writing about penetrating the symbolism of The Bible to uncover spiritual truths for spiritual reawakening and life improvement.

And so on. You’ll note that several of the credentials are registered trademarks of the University of Metaphysics. To paraphrase something I remember reading on someone else’s blog (I wish I could remember whose), nothing says "credibility" like a degree followed by an ® sign!

At any rate, I’m sure you’ll agree that the University of Metaphysics has a pretty impressive doctoral program.

"But, Cosmic Connie," you may be saying, "I heard that The University of Metaphysics is not accredited!"

To which I reply, "Accredited, schmaccredited! Accreditation is just an arbitrary tool employed by the mainstream establishment. It has nothing to do with Truth, which, after all, is what Metaphysics is all about."

To which you might respond, "Then why even bother with that whole ‘doctorate’ affectation, which is part and parcel of the oppressive mainstream-education bias?"

And I would answer, "Because, let’s face it, if you put ‘Dr.’ before your name, people are impressed. They think you know a bunch of stuff. And they are more likely to give you money."

How can you argue with that? Money is money, whether it comes from a member of the stuffy mainstream establishment or the far more open-minded New-Wage realm.

And if you are persuasive enough, very few people are going to check out your credentials before they hand over their hard-earned money to you.

I should caution you about some apparent disadvantages to matriculating at the prestigious University of Metaphysics. For example, at about $4,500.00 the cost for a doctorate may be a little out of your budget, although the University is offering a scholarship of sorts through September 15. And there is another possible drawback, which I discovered after many minutes of perusing the site: it appears that in order to acquire your doctorate you might have to do some actual "studying" and even write a "dissertation." In other words, it might take a little more than a valid credit card number and a few mouse clicks.

If actual studying and dissertating are not your bottle of Blue Solar Water, I suppose you could simply start calling yourself "Dr." Whoever, and probably very few of your marks would question it. But at some point your conscience (remember that?) might start to get the better of you. Or there might even come a time when some person of little faith will question your credentials. If you're outstandingly rich and famous, you can thumb your nose at such questions, as did Mars-and-Venus guru "Dr." John Gray a few years ago. But snootiness simply doesn't work for most people, and may turn your audience off. That's why you would be well advised to have an authentic fake degree, and some genuine phony documents to back it up.

Well, I’ve found an online University that offers advanced degrees and documentation – including "transcripts" – for a very reasonable price. And it's not just limited to metaphysics. Even better, this one is accredited, at least by a couple of organizations that accredit online Universities that offer advanced degrees for a very reasonable price.

The institution of higher earning I have in mind is Belford University, where you can get everything from a high school diploma to a doctorate based upon your life experience. For example, if you believe you have sufficient life experience to qualify for a doctorate in something or other, you can purchase it for only $549.00 US from Belford. Here’s what it says on the web site:

Students seeking admission in our online Doctorate degree program are required to have at least 8 years of work or life experience relevant to their desired major. For those students who do not have enough experience, Belford University provides the flexibility to submit a Doctoral Thesis relevant to the major they are interested in.

If you want to get your PHD degree online on the basis of prior life experience, the eligibility requirements for a Doctorate degree may be satisfied in any of the following ways:

• Prior job experience in any field
• Previous educational achievements
• Employer-sponsored training and attendance of workshops
• Participation in organizations, both professional and non-professional
• Personal goals, lifestyle, hobbies, and travel
• Participation in volunteer activities and community service
• Independent reading, viewing, listening or writing

If you have the required work or life experience, click below to apply for a work experience college degree in your desired major and get it in just 7 days!

The complete doctorate degree package costs only $549 with free shipping.

The package includes the following documents:

•1 Original Accredited Life Degree
•2 Original Transcripts
•1 Award of Excellence
•1 Certificate of Distinction
•1 Certificate of Membership
• 4 Education Verification Letters

If you don’t have enough life experience to qualify for a doctorate, you can also submit a doctoral thesis. But they make it easy for you to do so. And I sort of have a feeling that they grade on a curve, if you know what I mean.

So, provided you have at least eight years experience in something – and a valid credit card that is not maxed out – there really is no reason not to have a Ph.D. or two any more. In fact, I am willing to bet that you don’t even have to be a human to get your degree, as long as you are attached to a human who has a usable credit card. You know what I’m thinking, don’t you? That’s right: I’m thinking that Rex The Farting Dog, the 135-pound Rottweiler/Doberman/Black Lab mix who allows the Rev and me to share his home, could qualify for a doctorate in Methane Gas Production. This is provided that Belford offers one – but I have a sneaking feeling they will award just about any sort of doctorate if you have $549.00.

I believe Rex would qualify for his doctorate based on life experience alone. He is a little over eight years old and has been actively producing all of his life. If he doesn’t qualify based on experience, however, I will gladly help him with his dissertation, just for the added prestige it will bring to our business. At the very least, I am thinking that with my help he can get his Barkalaureate Degree.

Meanwhile, of course, I’ll also be busily purchasing a doctorate or two for myself and the Rev, and then we’ll be set. With our new degrees, we will be even more impressive than ever, and we can raise our ghostwriting, editing and book design fees accordingly. I’m already planning the promotional campaign:

Reverend Dr. Ron and Dr. Connie…
So smart that even their dog has a degree.

All bottled up
Speaking of Blue Solar Water, if you’ve been making it and drinking it, but you still haven’t seen any positive effects, maybe you need to fall back on the teachings of "Dr. Water" himself, Masaru Emoto, author of several books about water and the things it has to say to us. I recently received a message from my favorite email spam service, advertising a company called Bottles of H.O.P.E. The acronym stands for Heal Our Planet Earth. Catchy, huh?

Bottles of H.O.P.E. has created a series of designer water bottles inspired by Dr. Emoto’s research (which, as you may recall, got the What The Bleep folks so fired up). These bottles work on the same principle as the Water Blessing Labels I’ve written about previously.

Dr. Masaru Emoto's research demonstrates that water is affected by the energetic frequency of words, thoughts, music and prayers. In fact, when water was exposed to words carrying positive energies contained in such words as Love, Peace, and Gratitude, the water — when frozen — formed beautiful crystals. By contrast, when it was exposed to negative words either no crystals were able to form or — if they did — they were deformed and misshapen. This result strongly suggests that all water is affected by both positive and negative thoughts and words as well as by music and prayers. Since our bodies are made up of 70% water, this suggests that our bodies are also physically affected by the kinds of words, thoughts, music and prayers they have been exposed to.

The Bottles of H.O.P.E. are only $12.00 each, and each one bears a powerful word that will impart good vibes to your water, and then, according to the web site, you can fill your body with the frequency of whichever words you’ve chosen. Among them are words such as "Peace," "Love," "Truth," and "Dolphin."

Dolphin?!? Yes, and here’s why, according to the Bottles of H.O.P.E. web site:

Many people ask me "Why Dolphin?" Everyone loves Dolphins and I do not know anyone who does not immediately smile when they see a Dolphin or even a picture of a Dolphin. By seeing a Dolphin they make us feel good. Dolphins live in close family groups, communities called pods. They take time out every day to Play, Love each other and live in complete Joy. They also live in complete Flow with their environment and are surrounded by Abundance. To drink your water out of a bottle with Dolphin on it is to energize your water to the frequency of Play, Love, Joy, Family, Community, Flow and Abundance all in one bottle!

It really pains me to have to rain on the dolphin-lovers’ parade, but I feel obligated to remind y'all, once again, that dolphins hate humans. So do whales. And I have scientific proof.

So maybe it would be better to stay away from the Dolphin bottle, unless you want to learn to hate yourself – in which case, go for it!

And that’s it for this Tuesday's snipefest. I’d probably better get back to work. See you next time!

A lot to swallow

These days, it seems everyone is trying to cash in on The Secret and the Law Of Attraction. In a wonderful tribute to Rhonda Byrne's vision, people all over the Internet are getting, and spreading, the message of unlimited wealth and happiness, most of which can apparently be gotten while sitting on one's behind. Alas, some of these wealth-building plans are a bit beyond the budget of some folks whose visions are obviously as limited as their pocketbooks. Not to worry; there are plenty of smaller fish in the Ocean of Opulence!

I've blogged about The Spirit of Water folks before, in October and November of last year, but apparently I am still attracting important messages from them. And I just got this notice about The Spirit of Water Wealth Builder Gift Set, so I thought I would pass it on to you.

Water in Action equals the Law of Attraction. The "Secret" recommends using several positive practices to keep your desires in the forefront of your intentions. Water Blessing Labels are a silent reminder of what you want to manifest or change AND they re-structure your water's memory. You benefit both ways! See our website for this month's special gift set: The Wealth Builder Gift Set http://www.thespiritofwater.com

You obviously attracted this too. And you and I have been attracting some other neat stuff as well. For example, there's a guy named Alan Tutt who wrote a book. At least I think it is a book. The email I received not only didn't refer to Alan by name, but it didn't really say exactly what it was he was selling. For that, I had to do a bit of Googling. But the promises he sent me in that initial email, which had the subject line, "The Keys To The Secret," were so intriguing.

The body of the message bore the bold tag lines:

Today You Will Discover The Secrets
That Wealthy People Have Refused
To Reveal To Anyone!

I can’t help but quibble a bit on that one. Wealthy people seem to be crawling out of the woodwork now to "reveal" those Secrets... for a price, of course. But I can’t argue with Tutt’s promise that today could be my lucky day if I buy his product:

• You too can have a never-ending flow of money.
• Learn the easy way to attract prosperity into your life.
• Being prosperous does not require hard work.
• Bring money, love, health, & success into your life.
• Learn key secrets to attracting unlimited prosperity forever.

But wait...there's more! Alan is prepared to teach me to...

• Have anything you want easily!
• Automatically attract prosperity to you.
• A million ways to make a million dollars.
• Simple ways to attract wealth.
• Overcome barriers and obstacles to prosperity
• Prosperity Mind! How to Harness the Power of Thought
• Change your own magnetic properties and start attracting only those things you want into your life!
• How to take advantage of the most powerful tool available for achieving anything you want!
• Manifest money, success, happiness, positive relationships, or anything else you want into your life!
• and MUCH, MUCH MORE!!!

Of course, this isn’t free, because, as Alan explains, “Knowledge gained freely is very seldom appreciated. And I would like to increase my own prosperity somewhat as well.” Well, hey, at least Alan is honest! In any case, whatever it is he has to offer is a real bargain because it's only $39.95 through this email offer. But if I go to his web site, I can not only get the product for nearly eleven bucks less, I can also start right away on my own prosperity by buying resale rights to Alan's product!

For you prissy idealists who find all of this focus on material wealth a little distasteful (and really, I think y'all just need to get with the program), I want to reassure you that it’s not all about money. There truly are some lovely, idealistic people in the LOA crowd. For example, there is Aiden, Child of Light, a member of Marcy From Maui’s Powerful Intentions Forum. Aiden’s Current Powerful Intentions are:

• To live a perfectly healthy life free of diseases, discomforts, and abnormalities.
• To create loving, peaceful, and harmonious relationships with my loved ones and others around me.
• To create financial freedom and abundance.
• To enjoy life to the fullest.

Aiden’s Life Purpose is equally idealistic: “To create joy within myself and share it with others. To celebrate life!” Under “Values,” she writes: “I am a fun loving, free-spirited Child of Light who enjoys every aspect of my life. I'm kind, loving, and respectful in dealing with others but I'm not bound by rules, regulations, and social norms which only purpose is to restrict people's enjoyment of life. As long as I don't harm others or myself, I'm free to do anything to enjoy life to the fullest without fear or guilt. I'm also very open minded and excited to learn new things that enhance my life.”

But it is Aiden’s Vision that truly got me choked up:

• To have a successful internet business that creates value for others and in turn provides abundance and wealth in my life.
• To live in a waterfront mansion surrounded by nature in a tropical paradise.

Who says The Secret and the Law Of Attraction are all about narcissism and materialism?

Okay, I know you're really excited by now. But calm down, go pour yourself a tall drink of water (hopefully, water that's been properly blessed)... and then send me some money – as always, the more, the better – so I can share with you the real secrets of unlimited wealth and happiness.*

* Not really. I just have some debts I'd like to pay off before the world ends in 2012.

The sweet buy and buy

I am really beginning to have second thoughts about The Secret.* I’m thinking I have been a bit too hard on this astonishingly successful franchise, particularly in these past few weeks. And I’ve certainly been too hard on some of the Secret teachers. After all, what’s wrong with encouraging people to buy stuff, or with being really, really, REALLY proud of the stuff you’ve bought yourself? Isn’t buying stuff one of the main reasons we’re here on this Earth? Of course it is! I don’t know why I’m being such a stick-up-the-arse about this, especially given the fact that I like to buy stuff too.

And there’s no denying that The Secret has allowed many people to get a piece of that big ol’ prosperity pie we all deserve. The Secret and that other scientystical** masterpiece, What The Bleep Do We Know?!? have encouraged many New-Wage entrepreneurs to create and market some wonderful merchandise to help lift humanity to a whole new level of enlightened consumerism. And it is all based on cutting-edge scientystical research.

Many of these products have made it easier than ever to make good things happen in your life with very little effort. For example, there are temporary tattoos you can put on your body to draw good things to you. There are blessing labels you can put on your water, particularly the water that goes inside you. And you can also use Law Of Attraction principles to bless your food.

I think it’s really pretty wonderful that The Secret and What The Bleep have provided keys to amazing technologies that make it easier than ever to get exactly what you want in life. I think of how difficult and cumbersome things used to be before the key to the Law Of Attraction was revealed to the ignorant masses.

For example, I’m looking at the instructions for a " Full Moon Spell For Love," which is part of a set of "Holistic Resource" cards offered by a company called IMP. According to this spell, here’s what you have to go through just to attract the love you desire. First you have to gather a bunch of stuff, to wit:

1 red apple (preferably organic)
Pink and/or red rose petals
Red pen
Knife
Large sheet of paper
Red ribbon

The card explains that pink and red are the colors of love, so you should use these colors in your spell to guarantee the best results. And once you’ve gathered all your materials, here’s what you have to do:

1. Write down on pink paper the characteristics you’re looking for in your love match.
2. Hold your apple up to the Moon (it should be a full Moon), and say, "Lady Moon of sky above, grant my wish and send me love."
3. Take your knife and use it to carve into the apple an image of two hearts touching.
4. Sprinkle the rose petals over the paper and use it to wrap them and the apple up, with your writing on the inside.
5. Bind the package with the ribbon, knotting it three times as you speak your wish aloud.
6. Take the package to a natural place such as a park or the woods. Bow to the Moon three times as you walk away. You will soon find the love that you desire.

But that seems to be an awful lot of trouble to go to when you can just slap a label on yourself or your stuff and get what you want that way. Or, better yet, just ask your special Secret genie!***

To me, the most exciting message the New Wage has to offer is that you can literally buy your way to happiness and enlightenment. And who doesn't like to hear that message? Whether you’re purchasing a piece of jewelry, a temporary tattoo, a thousand-dollar weekend seminar from a certified Miracles Coach, or a two-point-something-million dollar mansion, total fulfillment really is just a transaction away.

And what’s really exciting is that there’s even an enlightened credit card you can use for many of your purchases.

But wait…there’s still more. In fact, there’s something even better than an enlightened credit card. The Universe has a blank check with your name on it! At least, your name will be on it when you put it on. I read it on The Secret web site:

The Bank of the Universe is now open!

It has unlimited abundance, available to you right now!

Actually it has never NOT been open, but only a few throughout the history of mankind knew of the unlimited abundance that was theirs for the asking.

You must believe that you can receive it, so take small steps with the amounts, if that feels more believable to you.

Place the check in a prominent position where you will see it every day!

Every time you look at the check, STOP!!! BELIEVE and FEEL that you have the money NOW!

This is followed by a link to a picture of the Universal check, which I have thoughtfully included here. I think it is so wonderful of the Universe to do this for us, and even more wonderful of Rhonda Byrne and her pals to make it available to us.

There’s only one little problem that I can see.

The check is stamped, "Not negotiable."

PS - Tonight, Thursday, March 8, 2007 at 9 p.m. EST., CNN's Larry King Live will take a look at the criticisms of The Secret. I am not sure who all will be on, but I do know Joe Vitale will be there speaking on behalf of The Secret. You can send in questions about the topic via email by visiting this link. Who knows, your question might get on the air.

* Not really.
** Scientystical (adj.): Scientifically mystical. Coined by Cosmic Connie a few weeks ago.
*** Or ask any of the Secret teachers. Call now! Smooth operators are standing by, just waiting to take you... I mean... take your order.

ACCESS Consciousness: a cult (or scam) by any other name...

I've been getting more mail recently about that loony, cult-like sex-and-money phenomenon called Access Consciousness. Few other people seem to be writing about them. Is there even a thread on the Rick Ross Web site or Forums about Access Consciousness? There wasn't the last time I checked. [Note: This has changed since this post was first published. See Addendum below, dated 27 June 2012 ~CC.] There's this thread on the Why We Protest forum, but it is really just another small voice in the wilderness.

Most of my own writing about Access has been on the snarky or light side, but I've shared unhappy Access stories here before as well, such as on this October 2009 post. People are still writing to me because they are concerned about a friend or family member who has become involved in Access, and they want to present that person with hard, clear evidence that Access is a scam. Virtually the only critical information they can find on the Internet is my blog, and while I raise the questions (and, of course, serve a heapin' helpin' of snark), I don't necessarily provide concrete answers that they can print out and wave under their Access-infatuated loved one's nose.

My emphasis on the crazy Rasputin origins of Access, for example, and my commentary about all of the concomitant silliness, don't seem to carry the same weight as a more careful critical analysis might, and I really can't expect that. Still, I try to be as helpful as I can, knowing full well that the task may be, as one of my favorite Anon detractors recently pointed out, utterly Sisyphean. Consider this post yet another one of many attempts to push that boulder up the mountain.

Dear Cosmic Connie...
I received an email last month that I'm printing verbatim because it has nothing that would identify the sender. I'm also including my reply to this correspondent, with a few added notes and links not in my original response. Those additions are indented and in italics:

Q. How much do you know about Access? Do you know anyone that has done the classes and then quit on them? I have a family member that is taking the classes and yes it does cost a lot of money. And they already bought their tickets to the event in Costa Rica. I don't know what to think about this. I'm scared about a lot of things that I read. My family member tells me it's not a cult and they don't do sex things. Can you help me with this? Thanks.
A. I've pretty much written everything I know about Access on my blog, but I hear from ex-Access people (and from worried friends and relatives of Access people) fairly frequently. The ex-Access folks generally feel that they wasted time and lots of money on the various classes, and in some cases they blame Access, at least in part, for destroying their relationships.
I'm not saying or implying that Access members "do sex things" in their actual classes, but Access does seem to have a free-and-easy attitude about sex; the general philosophy, as I understand it, is that people should experiment sexually with as many partners as they want to (and can get away with). It doesn't matter if they or the partner(s) are married to or in a committed relationship with others. I have heard this from numerous people who have been involved with Access.

Access also offers some classes specifically about sexuality, and while there's nothing intrinsically wrong with that, if you look at it in the context of their general teachings about sex, then I would say that someone who is NOT in Access -- but who is in a close, committed relationship with a person taking an Access class -- might have reason to worry about the future of their relationship.

Is Access a cult? It depends on your definition. Access founder Gary Douglas actually wrote a comment to my blog at one time and insisted that Access isn't a cult.

[Note: Although I didn't include this in my email response to this person, here's the link.
As I noted to my new friend Citizen Noir on a recent thread, I may have erred on the side of civility in my response to Gary, but commenters who followed were more direct. ~CC]

...Access may not be a "cult" in the classic sense of requiring that members leave home, shave their heads, dress a certain way, or recite some holy scripture or whatever. But there are many cult-like aspects to Access, not to mention a lot of utter nonsense that is being taught in those very expensive classes.


Also, while Access doesn't require that you give up all of your worldly goods to join (as many classic cults do), they apparently DO try to dip into your bank account as much as possible. Like so many similar organizations, Access is good at the upsell -- at manipulating members into believing they "need" the next [and more expensive] level.

Furthermore, there does seem to be a lot of "hero worship" of Gary Douglas and, especially, his younger sidekick Dain Heer. Dain apparently has his own constantly changing harem of very willing women; it would appear that, like so many New-Wage or pseudo-spiritual leaders, he is taking advantage of his position of "leadership," such as it is.

So, although some may argue with my use of the word, I've frequently referred to Access as a "cult" on my blog, or, alternatively, as a "cult-like" organization (or something similar to that description).

I think the main point here is that an organization doesn't have to be a classic "cult" in order to be silly at best and harmful at worst -- harmful to relationships, harmful to one's financial stability, and possibly harmful to one's health. (From what I have heard, for example, some Accessories don't believe "safe sex" practices are necessary; they apparently believe that the mind tricks they learn through Access will keep them from unwanted pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases.)

Not surprisingly, I have been told by Access believers that I am making too big a deal out of all of this, and that I am being too judgmental, and so forth.

[Here, for example, is one recent comment from someone who claims to be having a positive experience with Access. This person wrote in response to my 2009 post, "The Incredible lightness of boinking," in which I shared the story of a man who believes Access had rung the death knell for his already challenged marriage. ~CC]

Although everyone's experiences are different, it seems to me that the effects of Access are a big deal to those who have been hurt in some way by it.

I have a feeling that as Access gets more popular, which seems to be happening now, I will be hearing from more disillusioned ex-Access members, and worried friends and relatives of Access members such as you. I wish I could give you advice about what to do about a family member who is apparently getting sucked into the big Access money machine. If the person has reached the legal age of consent there probably isn't much you can do. But perhaps this is just a passing fancy and your relative will tire of it.
Meanwhile, even though a lot of what I've written about Access is pure snark, you might be able to get some insight from my blog posts. If you haven't read all of my Access-related posts, here's the link to the Google search results (which seem to work better than Blogger's internal search or the post labels): http://tinyurl.com/69neth7

I hope this was helpful. Keep in touch. And I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that your relative will see the light before too much money -- and possibly important relationships -- go down the drain.
~CC

Two other recent messages I received were similarly problematic because I couldn't really offer any resources beyond what I have already presented on my blog. Here's the first one, and my answer. Once again, my additions for the purpose of this blog post are indented and in italics:

Q. I have a friend that has recently began doing ACCESS groups [locally]. She picked up this ACCESS stuff [in another state] where it is quite big with the alt. medicine crowd. I am so glad I found your page, because I was invited to a group and did my research before going! My friend is slightly overweight, just got out of a bad break-up, and is financially unstable (perfect candidate, right?) ... This ACCESS thing is being marketed as a legitimate science, like chiropractic, or massage. I'm not sure what other resources (besides your blog) that I can share with people to show them it is a scam? I feel like the only person who knows it's a scam here, and anyone I tell thinks I'm ridiculous or doesn't believe me! Any help would be much appreciated!

A. I'm sorry to hear about your friend... I think you are correct in your assessment that she is in just the right state of vulnerability -- probably having self-esteem/body-image issues, being on the mend from a bad relationship, AND being financially unstable -- to make her ripe for the picking. These factors will possibly make her highly vulnerable to sexual manipulation from Access members, and certainly vulnerable to financial manipulation. If she has any money left at all I have little doubt that Access will find some way to persuade her to part with it...

...To me... the very silliness of Access is enough of a red flag to lead to the conclusion that the whole thing is a scam. However, I am painfully aware that to people who want to believe -- who NEED to believe -- it's going to take a lot more than snarking, or pointing out irrationalities and inconsistencies in Access' teachings, to convince them that Access is a sex-and-money scheme that really only benefits its very small group of leaders.
I have no doubt that there is a body of scientific research that would point to the ineffectiveness of Access tools such as "The Bars," other than a placebo effect. But I cannot point you to any particular source right now (though you have inspired me to go on a search). Certainly there is a dearth of critical information specifically about Access. I suspect that they're just not "big enough" yet to have captured the attention of serious journalists and scientific researchers.

And I suppose Gary Douglas' own claims that he originally received the information about "The Bars" from the very late Russian "holy" man Rasputin and other disembodied entities via channeling (here's the link, in case you haven't read it) will do very little to dissuade those who are into alt-healing in a big way and are all too willing to accept pseudoscience as the real deal. This is especially true because Gary and gang seem to be doing everything they can to bury the alleged Rasputin origins as they try to go more mainstream.

[Note: The sanitized version of Access' history, as it currently appears on their Web site, simply says, "Access was generated as a series of insights and awareness developed by Gary starting in 1990, to process people energetically to release their limitations and generate their lives from choice. The target is to bring as much consciousness to as many people who are willing to have it." Not one mention of Rasputin or the other otherworldly sources.]

People who want to believe that, for example, Gary and properly trained Accessories can transform bad wine into good, or can otherwise manipulate objects at the molecular level simply by using Access mind tools, are probably going to believe that no matter how much rational, scientific evidence to the contrary you show them. The placebo effect can be powerful indeed, and someone who truly wants to believe in the power of Access will take a sip of bad wine that has been properly "treated" by Access mumbo-jumbo, and will say, "What do you know, it DOES taste better!"
Someone who wants to believe that a "Bars" session revived them, or that Dain Heer has magic hands and a gift for "energy work," will also believe it. (Never underestimate the power of lust, either. There are apparently plenty of horny and willing women who will gladly offer positive testimonials about Dain's work and Access.)

Perhaps more difficult to demonstrate will be the Access claim that those great gobs of plastic in an area of the Pacific Ocean, which Access' Ocean 300 project intends to tackle, will be "demanifested" by the group of Accessories who are planning to go out on a boat and work their magic. But I have no doubt that if and when that boat trip ever occurs, Accessories will find some way to fudge measurements or otherwise rationalize about it.

[Note: A friend pointed out that the bulk of the plastic out there is on a molecular scale, "Not the big glops of baggies and fishnet they show on the website. That means, if they ever get out there, that the results will be as imperceptible as ever." Here's more information.]

So in a way we're kind of fighting an uphill battle when it comes to demonstrating that Access or any other similar group or teaching is indeed a scam.
I am also more than aware that many eager believers have their shields up when it comes to snarky or critical bloggers... Many simply say, "Consider the source!" and are likely to dismiss [criticism as the product of] a hater, a negative thinker, a naysayer, an envious soul, an overly judgmental person, someone who is too closed-minded or fearful to look at things from the Access perspective -- or all of the above. Unfortunately many of these people have the same attitude towards more somber, scientific, and credentialed sources as well. They have a tendency to lump all critics and skeptics into one big category, looking upon the whole lot as a force whose closed-mindedness and naysaying are keeping the human race (or the humanoid race, as Access would have it) from progressing.
Although there's been a great deal of arguing back and forth over whether Access (or any other group I've written about) is actually a cult, I do think that the Rick Ross Cult Education Forums are a valuable general resource about influential groups...
I am in contact with other people who are either ex-Access members or who are worried or concerned about family members or friends who are members. I will get in touch with some of them and see if they can offer you any advice, support, or resources. Again, though, they may not be able to offer the hard-core proof you seek that Access is a scam.
I'm sorry I can't be of more help right now, but do know that you're NOT ridiculous, and you're certainly not alone. I hope you'll stay in touch.
~CC

Yet another email came from a European concerned about a sibling who had gone off the deep end with Access. I won't print this one verbatim; I'll just summarize. The person's sibling, who had just turned forty, had been married for more than a decade and a half and was the parent of two young children. Apparently the sibling had undergone a radical personality/behavioral change since attending an Access weekend event. The whole family was worried. One of the correspondent's other family members had paid a visit to the infatuated Accessory's home and reported that throughout the visit, the latter remained sequestered in a locked room in the house, "ignoring the children, just reading these weird books and CD's from the Access Consciousness...laughing strangely and behav[ing] as if on drugs."


And this was apparently after only a relatively brief involvement with Access. The sibling was now also demanding a divorce and reportedly wouldn't even talk to the dismayed spouse without first calling Access buddies so they could give advice over the phone about what the sibling should say to the spouse. The new Accessory had already spent thousands of euros on Access courses, books, and videos -- and even worse, was taking the young kids to some Access youth classes.

That last part is pretty disturbing but not surprising. Access is trying to capture the kiddie market in a big way, as indicated, for example, here and here and here. (That last link is to the Access True Knowledge Foundation, which includes among its Board of Directors Houston heiress Curry Glassell. There's a sad story right there, to which I've alluded several times on this blog, and will eventually go into more detail, but now is not the time.)

Anyway, my correspondent tried to reason with the sibling in an email, but only received a strange reply, the main message of which seemed to be that the Accessory's kids "had never been happier" after being told about the divorce.

"I am horrified to discover how much a person can be brain washed only after spending such a short time with these people," wrote my correspondent.

The writer wanted recommendations of support groups or groups that work against cults and groups like Access. I recommended Rick Ross's site as a resource, wishing there were a dedicated, Access-specific group. [Note: There is now; see addendum at the end of this post. ~CC] Apart from that, my response was much like the ones I printed above, except I also suggested that maybe the sibling was unhappy to begin with or at least discontented -- suffering from a bit of a midlife crisis, perhaps -- and it was possible that Access merely provided a convenient stepping stone out of the old life and into a new one. Had it not been Access, it might very well have been someone or something else. I added that I knew the point was moot since it was, after all, Access that the person had chosen, but I wanted to gently help put things in a larger perspective for my correspondent.
 

Cult or not, the results are often the same.
Anyone who knows anything about cults or cult-like groups knows that the story my European correspondent shared is a very common one, as are the Access tales I've heard from others. There is nothing extraordinary about these stories, nothing really shocking to cult experts or observers. And whatever damage Access may have done, it certainly isn't on the large scale of, say, Scientology (from which Access founder Gary Douglas almost certainly got some of his inspiration).

Moreover, Access probably has not yet wreaked the financial havoc of the boiler-room operations that lurk behind scammy TV infomercials and Internet marketing hustles. Of course the commonality of the stories, and the fact that the financial damage is on a smaller scale than that of boiler rooms, do not make the situations any less disturbing or even shocking to the individuals who are experiencing them.
 
Still, it's easy for some folks to dismiss stories like these by noting that people often go off the deep end when they get enthusiastic about anything, be it an LGAT method, a rock singer, a church group, a sports team, or what have you. When discussing these matters, it's also inevitable that someone will point out that if there weren't a willing market, the scammers and cult leaders (or leaders of cult-like organizations) would have to find another way to make a living. All of this is true. Yet charismatic leaders and groups take full advantage of people's weaknesses and vulnerability -- their desperation or discontent, their fears and longings -- so I think that in most cases the lion's share of the responsibility/blame is on them.

Not long ago I was involved in a mini-discussion on Salty Droid's blog about the definition of cults. I expressed my opinion that the word "cult" is sometimes overused and misused, and as a loaded word it can short-circuit rational discussion and genuine criticism about a group that may not truly be a cult. In some cases, labeling a group a "cult" has the same effect as calling someone a Nazi.
 
Said Sir Salty:

I like the word cult.
This is a very serious situation … a loaded word is called for. Plus :: using it maintains a kind of consanguinity with the long running fight against group manipulation. This problem didn’t just appear out of thin air :: it’s an evolution of darkness....
That said :: I like to say “cult-tactics” instead. Keep the word … but make it a verb. Label the leader :: not the group members. Cause there is nothing special about the people in the group :: they are just people doing what people do in groups. The aberrant :: and abhorrent :: behaviors are those of the leader/s.

Well, okay. What Salty said. Here is the link to his post. The "cult" thread begins with Citizen Noir's comment on 16 July 2011 at 2:42 am, and my response.

You can lead Accessories to facts, but you can't make 'em think.
I was discussing some of these matters with a friend who for several very good reasons is no fan of Access. I expressed my frustration at not really having a one-stop source for correspondents who request it -- a source that could scientifically or rationally debunk Access. My friend responded:

How can you scientifically debunk it? It is channeled from Rasputin. What else does somebody need to know? If a three-headed flaming goat coughs up a copy of "rules to live by" I know enough right there. I don't need to study them to see if they "work."... For many people there is an irresistible yearning for something greater that they want to be connected to. It might be religion or who knows what. And along comes Access and "it's easy" and they go for it. Then all the usual cult stuff and group think takes over. You get deeper in as you've invested $$ in it, of course.

Good points. Later, however, my friend reconsidered.

Well, actually, Access could be scientifically debunked. Not hard at all. Gary Douglas claims he can change matter and transport matter, etc. So demonstrate it in public. If he did that he could get the $1,000,000 Randi prize, and LOTS of attention for his group. I mean a real test, not changing "bad wine" into "not as bad wine" as confirmed by cleavaged accessories and his hotel host in Costa Rica.

Change a pencil into a pen; that would do it. Not hard at all. I could write the test protocol in 5 minutes; Randi's group would run it.

Lots of his other BS is easily dubunked, like the claim that dictionaries changed the meaning of the word "want" around 1946 and caused no end of problems for humanoid-kind. You can check a Middle English dictionary and find the meaning he claims was the incorrect one for "want" that fooled the universe into not helping us after 1946.

I like my friend's suggestion of a formal test, with or without James Randi, but of course Accessories could always protest that changing a pencil into a pen is a useless waste of energy and time -- a cheap parlor trick unworthy of an infinite being -- and that the REAL transformations Access creates are beyond the perception of us Muggles...er... humans.

At any rate, Gary and his sidekick Dain Heer are joyfully going forth with their claims -- or strong implications -- that the consciousness tricks they teach really "work." They are, for example, implying that Gary's mighty gift for asking questions of the Universe was responsible for helping to clean up the disastrous BP oil spill -- as noted in this blog post. It's all about the molecules, don't you know:

How could consciousness change the world? Douglas and Heer have been marshalling their forces to create some deliberate changes to our challenged physical environment. When the disastrous oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico occurred, Douglas asked for weeks if anything could be done to assist the earth in recovering from its effects. For weeks and weeks, the answer he got was no. Finally, one day he got a yes—and that turned out to be the day when the gushing well was successfully capped.

Douglas then invited all his clients to collaborate with him on a coordinated effort to change the ecological devastation happening in the gulf at a specified time. Three days later, the New York Times revealed the discovery of the microbe, which was devouring the oil, resulting in much less remaining to damage the environment.

Thousands of people worldwide who have taken live or virtual seminars with Douglas and Heer have learned to do a method called “de-molecular manifestation and molecular de-manifestation.” Douglas calls this “talking to the molecules and asking them to show up differently.”

De-molecular manifestation is asking something which doesn’t show up to appear, while molecular de-manifestation is asking something which does exist to disappear something else can appear.

Sound woo-woo? Perhaps to some, however this method has been taught to complete novices with no prior exposure to Access Consciousness or other trainings, all over the world. Many witness changes in the pH of water—measured by an objective pH test strip. Others, including those who walked into the room after the changing process occurred, have tasted changes in cheap wine and the British gourmet delicacy, Marmite.
Changing marmite and cheap wine into something tasty is entertaining, and potentially life changing when the people who are participating realize they have that potency with energy. If major pollution situation, such as a nuclear accident that polluted huge portions of the food supply, were to occur, this process could be a potentially lifesaver for many people. Are the environmental affects of the on-going radiation leaks following March’s tsunami and earthquake in Japan fully known or revealed?

Marmite?!?
I guess my speculation, earlier this year, that Access would find a way to take credit for helping clean up the spill was not far off base. (Here's the link to the post; scroll down to "A Course in Methane Miracles.") On the other hand, it could be that the Magickal Clearing Audio from the Wimberliars was responsible for the mess being cleared up. But I digress.
Bidness is booming (sez Gary, anyway)
While the last of the BP oil molecules continue to de-manifest, Gary Douglas and Dain Heer and their giggly followers just keep spewing their own (snake) oil into more areas -- not just into the kiddie and education market, but also the business world. This July 2011 blog post talks about Gary's astonishing business acumen.

Business is just one of the topics on which Douglas consults with clients worldwide. At a time when most seminars are dropping in attendance by 75%, Douglas’s seminars and product sales are booming.
The exactness of his questions is legendary. It’s in your best interest to be exact in business, Douglas observes. Many people talk around their issues in an attempt to create confusion.
...The more precise you can be about what the deal is, what you require to be delivered, and what the other person will deliver, the more you will avoid the misunderstandings about how much you’ve paid and what you will receive. Precision usually includes numbers and other details like “how much of x will you provide, for what cost, by what time?”
Once his exact questions have elicited a figure in a deal, Douglas has protected himself against someone coming back with a demand for more money for various “extras.”
Douglas always asks, “Exactly what is this going to cost me? Exactly what are you going to deliver it, when will you deliver it, and what do I have to deliver in order for you to make this work?”

But wait... doesn't exactness require thought and judgment, both of which are apparently frowned on in Access? Or maybe Access has changed its view about thought since this 2007 blurb about the effect of Access workshops on participants (originally quoted on my first Access post back in June 2007):

At the end of most workshops, the facilitator usually asks the audience if they have any thoughts or activity in their head. The participants of the class are often surprised to realize that they not only have no thoughts in their heads, they can't easily form any. From that place of no thought, they can create from infinite possibility. And that is the aim of ACCESS: to give you the freedom and the awareness AND THE TOOLS to be the infinite you.

Since Access is constantly changing and evolving, no-thinking may no longer be a desirable state for Accessories. Or maybe Gary and Dain preach about the importance of thought and precision when doing "business consulting," especially with men, and they downplay the importance of these things when leading Access classes filled with giggly, cleavage-baring women. Oh, well...whatever works to get Dain laid, or to persuade the wealthy gals to give all of their money to Gary.
Judging from some of the current copy on the Access Web site, however, there's still a place in Access for non-thinking:

Access is about facilitating people to be in oneness and to perceive, know, be and receive everything. It is not about teaching, proving or instructing. Many modalities and philosophies create teachers and gurus who have answers; the "knowing" of everyone else is diminished. Access empowers you to claim, own and acknowledge what you know what is right and true for you. You can choose for you as the energy, space, consciousness, generation and change you are. You do not have to embody solidity, form and structure. You can live a life of infinite possibility. What would it look like to generate your relationships, your business, your body, your sexualness, your finances and your life from consciousness?

Whew. That makes my brain hurt just to think about it. So I'm trying to non-think about it. Just give me a moment... Okay, I feel a little better, though I still seem to be embodying solidity, form, and structure. Then again, I'm only a human, as opposed to a humanoid and Infinite Being.
But getting back to Gary's stunning business smarts, as described in the blog post mentioned above: I wonder how the whole demanding-exact-answers routine fits into Access' teachings that only questions are useful, and answers are too limiting. Access is all about "Living in the Question." And one of Gary Douglas' favorite sayings, repeated time and again by Accessories, is, "A question empowers, an answer dis-empowers."

So is the person to whom you're asking the questions supposed to answer with another question? Wouldn't an answer be too limiting and judgmental?
Also, what about that Access practice of "living in 10-second increments" (as elucidated by that great non-thinking Access spokes-blond, Rikka, in this vid)? If someone seals a business deal with Gary and then that person changes his or her mind ten seconds later, is Gary cool with it? Apropos of that, I've heard from people who have been screwed (in a business sense) by Gary Douglas and his dodgy strategies of using inexact language, or living in 10-second increments, or what have you. Maybe the real deal is that he demands exactness from others but doesn't feel a need to deliver it himself.

I do wonder, though, if potential Accessories would be advised to ask, before paying for an Access class, “Exactly what is this going to cost me? Exactly what are you going to deliver it, when will you deliver it, and what do I have to deliver in order for you to make this work?”

I wonder too about the accuracy of the claim that Gary Douglas's seminars and product sales are "booming." The idea that Access might actually be trying to make any significant inroads in corporate consulting or seminars is a little disgusting, and not as far-fetched as it might seem, given the corporate world's longstanding willingness to embrace cult-like LGATs and questionable gurus (think Landmark Education, Tony Robbins, etc).*

Access is already peddling business-related frauducts and workshops, as indicated on the "business" tagged page on the Access Web site. Is the next step a series of corporate workshops? Will decision makers in otherwise respectable, rational companies actually try to send their employees to Access classes?

MEMO TO CORPORATE MANAGERS WHO ARE EVEN REMOTELY CONSIDERING BRINGING ACCESS CONSCIOUSNESS TO YOUR WORKPLACE: Don't waste your company's money or your employees' time with this scammy organization that was founded by an ex-real estate agent and antiques dealer who originally claimed he received his information from Rasputin. Do your homework. Here is a link, once again.

In any case it does seem that Access is popping up in more and more places, and as I said to one of my correspondents above, as it continues to grow, I expect that I will be receiving more distress calls. And I wish I could do more to help.

Meanwhile, I invite any ex-Accessories to comment publicly on this blog for the benefit of those who are looking for information. Be a resource for someone who needs it. You don't have to use your real name, of course, and you can be completely anonymous.

If you don't want to publicly comment but would like to help someone via private correspondence, contact me off-blog with an email address I can share (privately) with those in need. That's is potentially a little more cumbersome, but I do want to respect everyone's privacy.**

My email address is cosmic.connie@juno.com. And thank you in advance for your help. The whole effort may indeed be Sisyphean, but I still think it's worthwhile.

Addendum, 27 June 2012: There are now two Access threads on the Rick Ross Forum:
http://forum.rickross.com/read.php?4,111769
http://forum.rickross.com/read.php?12,111690
Both make reference to a very promising new site, Access Schism, which was founded by a person who knows much more about Access than he ever wanted to know. Access Schism also addresses other LGAT organizations such as Landmark, Lifespring, etc., but there is a lot of focus on Access. I applaud the founder for starting this site and plan to contribute myself as well.

* Here's more about Landmark and similar LGATs from SHAMblog's Steve Salerno. And here's a very good thread on the Rick Ross forum about the potential harm of LGATs.).** There are some ex-Access insiders who have on several occasions offered help and information when I asked, but they are understandably very intent on preserving their anonymity when acting as Access critics, so I have to contact them privately, and ask their permission to share their email addresses privately, each time someone asks for help. I understand the need for this but as I noted, it gets a little cumbersome. Also, these people have their own self-help seminar businesses, and given the fact that I am not a fan of such things I do not feel entirely comfortable referring those who need information about Access to sources who might have a marketing agenda of their own. Even so, these folks have been helpful in the past and I appreciate the information they have shared. 

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