Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Plastic fantastic

As you know if you’ve read some of my previous posts, such as this one from August 23, I have pretty much figured out the purpose of life. I no longer agonize over all the possible reasons that we humans have been flung into this 3D world of illusion, disillusion and delusion. For I now know the answer: we are here primarily to get money so we can buy stuff, preferably online.

And no matter how much we get, we should never be satisfied, for that would mark us as underachievers – spiritual as well as material slackers. We should always want more. The true secret to life is that everything is never quite enough. As a great spiritual marketing guru recently wrote, after listing some of his latest impressive achievements, "I still want more, though. As a friend in Maui says, 'I’m totally satsified (sic), I just want more!'"

Towards that end, since this blog’s inception nearly three months ago I have highlighted numerous products for the conscious consumer. And now, I am pleased to note, you can go one step further on your road to conspicuously enlightened consumption. No longer do you have to buy your spiritually-correct stuff with filthy lucre, or the plastic equivalent thereof. You can now acquire all of your heart’s desires by using truly evolved plastic, in the form of an Enlightenment Visa Card.

You read me right. I know that it sounds like something I might have made up, and Goddess knows I wish I had…but it’s very real, at least as real as things can be in this world of illusion. The Enlightenment Visa Card is the product of a company in LA (are you surprised)? And it’s ready to go to work for you, to help you make the world a better place.

You might wonder how this card works. Is the magnetic strip on the back somehow charged in such a way as to alter your energy fields, balance your chakras and suck some really cool stuff in your direction? That's the least I'd expect of an Enlightenment Card.

But that's not this one works. Even so, it's pretty magical. The premise is this: "We know that money is energy and has the power to change the world. Finally, the first 'conscious' credit card where you can earn points towards workshops and retreats, yoga classes, organic products, spas, books, and buying Amazon gift certificates for Cosmic Connie, whose email address is cosmic.connie@juno.com." Okay, I am just making up that last item. But if you should feel so inspired...

The Enlightenment Visa Card's slogan, as you might expect, is, "Changing the world one point at a time."

This is truly the dawn of a new era, another sign of the great galactic shit shift that is now happening. You still could end up getting hopelessly, helplessly in debt (with no way out, thanks to the revised screw-the-consumer bankruptcy laws in the US)…but at least you’ll feel good about it. You will know that you have made a difference.

And that, as another credit card's marketing campaign would have it, is "Priceless."

P.S. on Thursday... You really should take a look at the "About Us" page for Conscious Enlightenment, the company that sponsors the Enlightenment Visa card. You will find such gems of nebulous new-age idealism as, "Politically and economically speaking, we support all ideas that create an integrative outcome." But the crown jewel is their spiritual statement, which concludes with this: "...we feel strongly that now is the time to set aside our differences and create heaven on Earth." Considering that credit card debt is responsible for hell on earth for many Americans, I don't think Conscious Enlightenment is headed in the right direction with this one.

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