Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Monday, July 23, 2007

Master baiting on the phone

"Connect With the Masters Through a Telephone Conference," read the provocative announcement I received by email the other day. I was delighted to see that the message came from author and channeler Carolyn Evers, whom you’ve met here before. Through my favorite New-Wage spam service, Carolyn is promoting a series of conference calls she has set up with various Ascended Masters.

For example, there is Master Kuthumi, the square-jawed dude in the beret, pictured here. His next teleconference is scheduled for Friday, July 27. Hey, that’s the one-year anniversary of Whirled Musings! Can you believe it? The focus of the teleconference, Carolyn explains, is "preparation for ascension as the particles in the lightbody must be changed to accommodate the higher vibrations." I believe that this lightbody rearrangement is a nonsurgical, noninvasive procedure, but I really couldn’t tell from the email.

I’m a little concerned, though. I hope Carolyn doesn’t run into any trouble with The Rev Lynette Leckie-Clark, who, according to her web site, is the "chosen channel" for Master Kuthumi. If Carolyn is not careful she could find herself entangled in a nasty lawsuit, such as that filed by JZ Knight a few years ago when JZ found out that a lady in Berlin was messing around with her imaginary pal Ramtha. JZ won, Ramtha came home to Mama, and Mama is still raking in the millions from gullible dolts those who seek the wisdom of the ages. And then there’s that odd and disturbing love triangle between Saint Germain, Troika Saint Germain, and Wyoming psychic Molly Rowland, which I wrote about last month (scroll down to the second item). Interdimensional relationships can be so complicated.

Archangel Mikael is another Ascended Master who has graciously agreed to participate in Carolyn’s phone conferences. The last one was on July 18, but I’m sure another one will be coming up soon. So what does Mikael have to tell us? "Electrons react differently in the higher dimension as there is more spacing between them," the email explained. "We understood this before the fall in Atlantis. [Mikael] is urging us to remember."

And then there’s Mother Mary, who really gets around. Not only does she appear in porch lights and on pizza pans, but she has managed to pop into the body of virtually everyone who’s anyone in the channeling industry. Mother Mary is taking time out from her busy schedule to do a teleconference with Carolyn on August 15. "Mother Mary understands what it is like to lose a child," explains Carolyn. "She is calling the parents together who have lost a child to heal their hearts and their physical bodies."

But do these teleconferences really connect you to the Masters, or is it just Carolyn talking in funny voices? Well, she says it’s the real deal, and why would a nice lady like that lie to us? "Attendees are reporting remarkable connections to the Masters," Carolyn says, emphasizing that the Masters will be standing by to answer your questions. She doesn’t specify whether she splits the proceeds with the respective Masters, but I’m guessing not. But she does have a valid point when she asks, rhetorically, "Where in history have we been able to connect with an Ascended Master through the telephone and they answer our questions?" She concludes, "These indeed are amazing times."

Yes indeed they are, and what is even more amazing is that while you are at Carolyn’s website, you can order a Universal Akashic Reading, which will help you "understand the colors that were used to create your soul and what that means as to the part of the cosmic plan that you were called forth to complete." Plus she has several books and other products to sell you. Remember, this is the woman who has spoken to Julius Caesar.

If you really want to pick up some other-worldly wisdom from another source, I am sure my friend Blair Warren would be glad to channel his Ass-ended Master Ralph, who, among other things, has revealed the Law of Extraction to Blair.

But maybe dead masters and elevated entities aren’t your thing. Maybe you would benefit more from getting on the horn with a Living Master. I just received notice of a weekly TeleGathering bestowed by a genial-looking bloke in Montana who goes by the name of Sunny Baba, a self-described "man of nature" and "natural man." Do not confuse Sunny Baba with the hairdo-challenged guru and suspected pedophile Sai Baba, nor with Baba Babababarann, guru-ette to the Beach Boys.

Sunny’s weekly phonefest on "Awakening To Oneness" is hosted by a very evolved enterprise called Blue Diamond Pachamama, which offers "Integrative, and Alternative Wellness and Healing on call and at everyone's fingertips through live and virtual events." (Pachamama was an Inca goddess.) The Blue Diamond folks are also dedicated to "celebrating earth's new children including indigo, star, rainbow, crystal and otherwise gifted children," as well as to "presenting new paradigms for intimacy, relationship and self love and acceptance."

Like I said, evolved.

"How would your life be different if you could spend time with a Living Master?" the email asked. "What if you could ask questions, have a dialogue, and receive guidance from someone who is in transcendent state of god communion while being in active communion with everyday life, and do it from the comfort of your home or office instead of traveling to the Himalayas?"

Well, you can get a chance to find out every Tuesday at 12 Noon ET / 9:00 a.m. PT / 10:00 a.m. MT. That’s when Sunny does his phone thing.

"Sunny Baba," the email continued, "is indeed a living Master who has achieved a transcendent state of god communion while being in active communion with everyday life. Sunny had to travel the world to find and sit with Living Masters, but he wants us to have the experience from the comfort of our own homes or offices. The transmission that happens is not dependent upon traveling long distances or searching for long years, and physical presence is not required; it can happen in a moment and by telephone."

Sunny, I was assured, wants to answer all of my questions, while taking me on a spiritual journey and creating "blissful transcendence and huge changes." It’s not about self-improvement; it’s about god realization.

You may be asking, "Cosmic Connie, just what is it that makes Sunny Baba a Living Master, besides the fact that he has traveled all over the world and has done some studying and thinking about spiritual stuff, no doubt smoking some really good weed and taking a few hallucinogenics along the way?" Good question, You. I don't know the entire answer to that question, but it seems clear to me that he didn’t purchase his credentials from a metaphysical college. He apparently earned them the hard way, through experience.

I have wandered and shared my light and wisdom in Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Oregon, Idaho and Montana in a rebuilt 1931 Ford truck, that I updated with a new engine, brakes and mechanics. I towed a covered wagon... "a beautiful gypsy wagon" I built by hand that had stained glass windows, solar-powered lights and music, a fridge, stove and double bed. I am an artist in all parts of my life. I build my own homes, make my own clothes, and love to grow and gather my own food. I paint, and do stained glass windows; tan hides, craft and bead with the leather; design and make buckskin and other clothes; create 13 kinds of moccasins; build temples; re-build vintage cars; and create gypsy wagons. I love going barefoot as often as possible, and I live primarily out of doors.

Okay, I can identify with the "going barefoot" thing. I friggin’ hate shoes. And I wouldn’t mind living primarily out of doors as long as I had Internet access, mosquito repellant, and someone to build fires and hunt and gather all of the stuff that I needed. Actually, Rev can do all of those things, and he’s a damn fine cook, indoors or outdoors.

You can hear Sunny talk about the future of the Earth by following this link (click on the center image). Listening to him go on and on makes me want to go light up a doobie, and I don’t even smoke the stuff. Never cared for it.

Sunny, who no doubt has been a SNAG since years before faux-Native ham Dreaming-Bare had even descended to this plane of existence, also has this to say about himself:

I am very loving and a true gentle man…My life is all about beauty, creativity, romance, love, truth, and honesty… I am a natural man, not a product of my culture. I produce a lot and consume very little, a simple man with a clear mind and an open heart. My name is Sunny Baba, which means "Bright Brother". I have lived a wild / primitive life, and I carry that harmony and wildness into all that I say and do.

But for all you single ladies, sorry, gals, Sunny Baba is taken. He has found his "heart-mate" in 64-year-old Brooke Medicine Cabinet…er, Medicine Eagle. Separately and together they do all sorts of honoring-the-Earth things, and they seem to be involved in some sort of F-M-F arrangment with their "partner" Sally Hill to build a sustainable community in the Bitterroot Mountain area of Montana. Matter of fact, you can be part of this community too.

Actually, when you look at the photos, it doesn’t seem like such a bad life at that, though I wonder how many months of the year Sunny can actually go barefoot in Montana. And I have to admit that the guy has a ton of life skills that I sure don’t possess. I can’t even thread a needle, or hammer a nail in something without seriously injuring myself and destroying whatever it was I was trying to hammer a nail into.

Anyway, if you want a transcendent experience on the phone, call 1-900… I mean, click here. As for me, I think I’m going to go watch the movie Flashback again, even though Ron and I just watched it last night. I suddenly feel in the mood, for some reason.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

So we've got the "Cowboy" to go along with the "Indian" now?

Monday, July 23, 2007 1:49:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Anon, that's pretty much what I was thinking. Except the Cowboy seems to be pretty much into Indian culture too. :-)

Monday, July 23, 2007 3:46:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Connie, I came across your site a few months ago when the Schirmer shit was rising and found it interesting to say the least considering I knew of that slimeball, but I must say I simply cannot believe the total and absolute dribble that some people push out there and expect people to take seriously!! The number of whacko people that you mention is just unbelievable, and now I am wondering if your email address has found its way onto a list that is sent out to people that are involved in some big secret experiment!! However you do put a very nice lighter note to it all as you stick it to them. I think your title really sums this lot up, as surely these people are working alone.

Monday, July 23, 2007 9:04:00 PM  
Anonymous Lana said...

Please tell me you're not a Sirian star seed.


Monday, July 23, 2007 10:21:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thanks, Anon. Yes, there is a whole world of whackos out there, but hey, I'm not complaining. If it weren't for the whackos, I'd have to find something else to blog about, and that might actually involve some effort. As it is, this blog practically writes itself. :-)

Monday, July 23, 2007 10:24:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

OMG, Lana, you've uncovered my secret. Yes, my blueness is a Sirius condition. But don't worry; I'm here to help the rest of y'all evolve. :-)

Monday, July 23, 2007 10:34:00 PM  
Anonymous Lana said...

LOL! Love it!

So, when is YOUR conference call?

Monday, July 23, 2007 11:02:00 PM  
Blogger RevRon's Rants said...

Connie, Did you get authorization from the Buddha of the Internet to assist in human spiritual evolution? I'm sure he'd approve it if the price was right. Might even "ordain" you as a "Junior Buddhette!" That moniker, however, would necessitate the purchase of a few workshops, books, and CD's, not to mention the Pledge of Allegiance. And a glowing, "unsolicited" review for his next 5 Ultimate Ascension Programs.:-)

Tuesday, July 24, 2007 10:34:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

"Connie, Did you get authorization from the Buddha of the Internet to assist in human spiritual evolution?"

Oh, no! I knew I forgot something! No, Ron, I didn't ask NetBuddha if it was okay for me to assist in the spiritual evolution of the human race. You don't suppose I'll get a "cease and desist" order from his legal team, do you?

It's not easy being blue.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007 11:54:00 AM  
Blogger jeff said...

The most important issue here is have you tried Fit-a-Rita yet?

If ya want some free samples just go to www.fit-a-rita.com and contact me, Jeff Sargent. I'm the alchemist who formulated this magical powder.
God bless the holy sacrament, Tequila.

And remember these words to say after a fun-filled night of drinking Fit-a-Ritas: "I'm sorry, forgive me, I love you, thank you..."

"The Tequila must flow..."

El Jefe

Tuesday, July 24, 2007 12:17:00 PM  
Blogger Citizen Deux said...

I just reread Shermer's work, Why People Believe Weird Things. It's a great text on our own insecurities and self-made remedies. It seems like the motto - Credo Consolans (I believe because it makes me feel better - even if that translates to more money) is the guiding force behind all these "ass-ended Masters"

Tuesday, July 24, 2007 12:30:00 PM  
Blogger RevRon's Rants said...

Hold to the thought that his legal team is as thoroughly trained in juris prudence as he is in spiritual guidance. If that's the case, you're home free!!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007 12:36:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

"I believe because it makes me feel better."

And that, CD, may be at the heart of the entire New-Wage/self-help movement.

And religion too, for that matter.

Thanks for your input!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007 12:40:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

"Hold to the thought that his legal team is as thoroughly trained in juris prudence as he is in spiritual guidance. If that's the case, you're home free!!"

That's what I'm banking on. :-)

Tuesday, July 24, 2007 1:49:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

jeff said...
The most important issue here is have you tried Fit-a-Rita yet?

Hi, Jeff: Your comment just now arrived in my "in" box, and I just now published it, but apparently you sent it before a couple of other comments to which I'd already responded. Blogger is playing tricks again, or maybe it's Juno.

No, I haven't tried the Fit-a-Rita yet, mainly because I don't drink, but I do actually think it's a pretty nifty idea, especially after I read your ingredient list. Good for y'all for sweetening it with stevia instead of that horrid sucralose, which not only tastes just plain wrong, but leaves me with a low-grade feeling of nausea. That's the same way aspartame affected me. Yuck.

Now if they'd only start sweetening Red Bull with stevia... Maybe y'all should do an "energy drink" too. Call it Blue Girl, after me. :-)

Tuesday, July 24, 2007 3:25:00 PM  
Blogger RevRon's Rants said...

Jeeze Louise, Connie. If I wanted to read commercials, I'd head over to Joe's blog/infomercial! :-)

Tuesday, July 24, 2007 4:01:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Sorry, Ron. Maybe I should send 'em a bill, eh? :-)

Tuesday, July 24, 2007 5:15:00 PM  
Blogger yomamma said...

I say Sunny Jim and Miss Brook's place looks a lot nicer than Harbin hotsprings , but what doesn't? Why is it that these primative, back to nature types are so plugged into the grid via there fancy schmancy websites? and they have muchos productos to flog. they are probably just runaway computer programers like everyone else. This" I'm just a noble savage" thing has been around a long time. it gives us real savages a bad name.snore

PS if you want to visit a real Luddite back to nature website google Owsley Stanley. The guy can Bear-ly be civil. Makes really cool jewelry too. Cheers!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007 4:04:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thanks for the tip about Owsley Stanley, Yo. As for Miss Brook and Sunny, I think Brook does have some real Native blood, but that doesn't alter the fact that she's apparently become just another New-Wage dilettante.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007 12:38:00 PM  

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