Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Move over, Santa Baby and God!

I am beginning to wonder if maybe the Secretrons have decided to turn the tables on us non-Secret fans. I think they might be messing with our heads. In fact, maybe they’ve been messing with us all along, testing us to see how far they can go and still make us believe that they are really as gullible as they are coming across. Maybe they are just playing gullible, and we’re the gullible ones.

Tony Michalski has just alerted me to yet another site, The Universe Catalog. Well, it's not really a full-blown website; it's just a simple online order form where you can obtain "every experience & product that you could dream of...ordering is free, it just requires your trust that I, the universe, will deliver your order. Alot of you are confused and don't trust my delivery method, which is why your products don't get to you! My delivery method is fueled by TRUST. Put any name/city you like, I know who you are or who you intend to give to... So with that in mind - Place your order, and Remember - Your wish is my command."

Hey, that’s even better than the Universal Check that you can get on The Secret web site. Instead of trying to manifest money to get something you want, you can go right to the source and ask the horse, so to speak!

It goes without saying that the Universe Catalog was inspired by The Secret, with its magic "your-wish-is-my-command" genie, and, more specifically, by Secret star Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale’s now-famous statement about the Universe as a mail-order catalog. And although I couldn’t get anywhere in a "whois" search, I’m pretty sure that the Universe Catalog site was put up by a real hoaxer. It's a joke, in other words. And a funny one.

On the other hand, in today’s confusing world, you never know. The perpetrator could be a real Secret fan who, even if s/he might say it's "all in fun," honestly believes that the order form will work – the way children believe letters to Santa will work, or the way all of those folks who write letters to God, c/o the P.O. box of their favorite scamming televangelist, will work.

Or it could be a New-Wage huckster who's trying to give his or her mailing list a boost.

Or...oh, hey...it could really be the Universe Itself, making it easier than ever to place your order!

Naturally, the new Universe Catalog has them buzzing on Marcy from Maui’s Powerful Intentions Forum. A man who goes by the screen name Nábru (NewAgeBrillianceRapidlyUnfolding) started the thread by providing the link. One woman responded, "fun! i ordered a personal paradise package ;) and added on an infusion of radiant vibration!* i am glowing....i used instant delivery!"

Several others were equally enthusiastic. And then there was this lady, who wrote: "I'd be more receptive if my name and where I live weren't required. No thanks."

See, that’s what I mean about the Secretrons’ messing with our heads. NOBODY COULD BE THAT…well…I don't want to come out and use the word "stupid," but I'm thinking it, know what I mean?

One person did offer a "workaround" for the lady concerned about her privacy: Use a fake name and address, because the Universe knows your real name and where you really live. Heck, the guy who started the thread even said right off that you don't have to use your real name and address. Even the order form itself says you don't have to use your real name and address.

This, of course, just raises the question of why you would even need to fill out an online form if the Universe is so ding-dang smart. Oh, wait, I forgot: it's all in fun. And filling out online forms is fun.

I'd like to mention that our friend Nábru, he of the New Age brilliance, is also a brilliant song writer. He thoughtfully alerted readers of the Universe Catalog thread to another thread he’d started.

Inspired Thought ATTN: Rhonda Byrne - MUST READ -

I noticed that in your vision for the secret you put
"I saw a number one song of The Secret sweeping the world and touching and inspiring everyone."

I realised the other day, I have that song. I've had it for years!! I am a producer/writer, and I have a song called Nature Knows which I wrote a couple of years back for Gwen Stefani – it perfectly encompasses The Secret in its lyrics. I also produced the track, which I still have full intention to give to Gwen Stefani, as it is her style. Seriously the song is great, it's very clever, I wrote, produced and recorded it when I was 19.

[sample lyrics:]

Hey there's this woman with us, feeling confused and suspicious
We tried to comfert (sic) her the best we could but it wont (sic) surface"
I replied, "Yeah look mate, sorry I'm not feeling great,
My partner just left me, emotions are controlled by hate"
They all dead stopped and said that "if you hate then thats our fate"
"Your very feelings are the essence in which we create…"

The problem, Nábru, is that Gwen Stefani’s style isn’t exactly Secretronic. But let me welcome you, anyway, to the exciting world of songwriting! As it happens, I wrote an inspiring song too. It is not about The Secret specifically, but it is kind of related. The tune’s not original but the lyrics are. An earlier, rougher version appeared on Blair Warren’s blog (we songwriters know that every song is always a work in progress), but the revised version can be viewed here (it's the first post on the page).

Well, that’s it for now. I’m off to place my order with the Universe, and then I just gotta get back to work. Maybe I'll write some more songs, too, in my spare time.

PS - Speaking of Santa, it's good to know we can always turn to him when we get to the point where dealing with the entire Universe seems too overwhelming, or when it seems that God just doesn't care. I just found some info about a really cool book, The Ultimate Wish Book for Grown-ups: How to Use the Magic of Santa to Create Your Dreams.

"Wishes for love, health, financial freedom, a fabulous home or career – even simple wishes like nice weather for a picnic – are coming true everyday for people just like you," says the publisher. Isn't it time you learned to tap into your inner Saint Nick?

* One can't help wondering if the source of the "radiant vibration" was powered by a C battery.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Connie - Would love to hear your take on the Fox Mulder and Dana Scully of Manifestation at www.mastersofthesecret.com

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 8:45:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Anon... I took a quick look at the site and thought, this has to be another hoax... but it's probably not. I will look at it in more depth when I get time. Thanks for the tip!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 12:26:00 PM  
Blogger Paulette said...


I'm laughing so hard from the very juicey saga of Marcy from Maui & her Millionaire-Minions. As well as that Santa book! It's super funny to read the 3 Amazon reveiws. This group of Santa & Secretron disciples(and I think there is a beautiful way to combine the 2 camps) apparently believe that finding a parking space constitutes scientific proof of what is taught in both The Ultimate Wishbook for Adults & The Secret.

One reader gushes (okay to be fair - they're a New Yorker & so maybe after living there one will go looney & believe in a parking Goddess to alleviate stress?):

Fun, simple, effective method, June 8, 2005
Reviewer: HA Schemmy (NY, NY)
First time I read this book in less than an hour. The next time I actually followed the exercises, savored the words, and enjoyed the illustrations. The third time I let go of another layer of skeptism and tried it as though I believed it and Wow! Miracles are happening all around me, simple things like getting a parking spot at the Mall near the door in the rain to big things like finding deep joy in the job I currently have. This book will be a popular gift item to my friends and family this Christmas.

I'm sure HA Schemmy's friends & family had a Christmas in 2005 they'll never forget.

The Ultimate Wishbook for Adults looks fantastic. If the used book price lowers any I might just get it. Currently it sells for $20. This tellsm me only 3 of HA Schemmy's loved ones are willing to part with their beloved copies. It must be good!

I hope she puts out another. Maybe a book about how each one of us has a Secret Santa (I believe in some cultures he's called a 'Sugar Daddy'?) & 5 steps to making contact with him? It might be better as a porn movie for loa'ers? Plus it would be a way for little people (I feel lots of elves - mischievious elves!) to manifest lucrative work.

I found this blurb on another site:

"Let the power of a wish create miracles in your life! The Ultimate Wish Book reminds us that a little childlike faith goes a long way. Highly recommended!"

- Robert G. Allen
New York Times Best-Selling Author of Nothing Down and
Multiple Streams of Income

Is this the same Allen who is chummy with Canfield?

The author, Melanie Calitrini-Holden offers a free teleclass "trademarked", 'Take a Vacation from Stress': http://www.rekindering.com/vacationfromstress.php

I'm tempted to try it but actually afraid of what kind of mailing list I might be placed on.

Someone commented on one of your earlier pieces that those behind The Secret are a very incestuous group - how true.

Take the Marcy from Maui group. I received an invitation to join the group a couple of years ago - I ignored it but then my friend joined & said it was "fun" - so I did too. (Damn peer pressure!)

I noticed that everyone (or nearly all the members) were selling New Wage type Amway stuff. Special vitamins, lots of weird 'energized' water or 'crystal' infused water products. Yet they would blab on & on about how they all believe that for instance, cigarette smoking doesn't cause cancer. It is the BELIEF that smoking causes cancer which causes cancer.

They, like Rhonda, would preach about how food & nutrition are meaningless - it is ALL about how YOU FEEL & THINK. This is how powerful our minds are & this explains why some people can eat whatever they like & not gain weight & way some smokers never get cancer.

So I asked if this was all true why were they selling vitamins, supplements & special water products? Marcy & Pat (I think she's the co-owner of that fab forum)became infuriated that I would ask such a question.

Like true narcissists, they asked me if I was certain that I, "knew what I was talking about"? They reminded me how long they've been *practicing loa". One of them (cannot recall which) pointed out a glaring error I had made on the forum!

She said that she knew when I joined that I didn't know what I was talking about because instead of my referring to Esther Hicks as, "Abe/Hicks" I had written, "Esther/Abraham"! :) (She was right! At the time I didn't know anything at all about the, let me get this right this time, Abe/Hicks crowd.) Ignorance truly is bliss.

They are by far the most terrifying, cruel, narcissistic people I have ever encountered. I used to think it ws strange that several of the Pitiful, I mean Powerful Intentions group are ex-military people. Marcy or Pat used to be a nurse in the army. Now it all makes sense. There is a very weird militaristic-GOP-Christian-Fundamentalist scent to the Abraham, The Secret & now very sadly, the Santa Wish List crowd too.

The fact that (apologies to any Mormons here - I know a few & they actually seem to be very nice) Esther Hicks was raised in the Mormon church & Jerry actually worked in carnivals as a young man really makes the most sense to me out of any information I've ever gotten from that cult, err I mean crowd.

I never knew the Blog World could be so fun & informative! I'm enjoying Steve's Shamblog too. But I have to admit I feel very *drawn* or perhaps even *mesmerized* by the graphics here. Plus everyone being blue is so Krishnatastic.

Speaking of Gods of Azure - I never was much into soap operas. I think a new term has to be created:

powerful intentions' passion play?

The Tales of Talik are super fascinating. It's odd that I cannot find much information on him though. Do you happen to know what his connection to Sugarman is? And does the Secret clan all live in & around Las Vegas? LV is frequently mentioned & so I wondered if that be the case then maybe this explains why my research on Talik has gone cold. What happens in Vegas definitely does remain a secret (especially if you practice the secret) & I think that the Vegas Vortex of forgetfulness greatly appeals to both loa'ers & gurus. Or maybe Las Vegas is simply the litterbox, umm I mean sandbox for the loa elite?

I did find this extremely interesting article on yet another tall lanky charismatic guru: http://www.perucciferraiuolo.com/rama.html

My intuition tells me that Rama's story is going to be repeated many times over with Talik & The Secret Posse.

As always, I love your Blog!

If mentioning real names as I did is a problem there is no need to even post this message at all or please feel free to edit. I don't wish to cause any trouble for you. I was pretty shocked by how vulgar & violent the loa'ers have exposed their true selves to be.

In the past, I've received nasty emails myself. I also received unwanted advances from a person who claimed to be a guy from the powerful intentions forum a good year after I left. I had deleted my profile but somehow he had gotten my email address. This person was very creepy.

To be honest, I try not to be afraid of these people, but I am somewhat. They are the cruelest craziest group of people I hope to ever meet.

Take care

Thursday, March 29, 2007 12:23:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thank you so much for your comment, Paulette; it's full of juicy stuff. I'm kind of in a rush now so can't address all of your points and questions but I'll tackle a few.

First, I agree that the Santa thing could be a whole lucrative cottage industry for Melanie if she'd just expand it. I have to admit that it's an attractive cover; kudos to the cover designer.

And I'm glad you like the blueness around here. One guy said my blue face looked kind of psycho. It's not psycho, just holy. :-)

I had never heard of Tilak either until, by sheer coincidence (or WAS it a coincidence?) I read some bubbly comments about Tilak by Marcy From Maui AND, around the same time, I found a short exposé of him on the Guruphiliac blog (there's a link to it on my blog). According to Marcy, Joe Sugarman is the one who first invited Tilak to Maui. I do not know the circumstances of the invite, or how Joe met or heard of Tilak; I just know of the connection as Marcy described it.

The Vegas connection re Tilak is that he apparently settled in LV after fleeing the East Coast due to various scandals. He divided his time between LV and California, with some time on Maui, no doubt. As you said, it's relatively hard to find info about him. And I would never have given him much more than a second thought had it not been for the "Secret" connection -- not just the fact that Marcy was enamored of him, but also the fact that Rhonda Byrne apparently had a thing going with him for a while.

I too have noticed that virtually all of the members of Marcy's PI forum -- and other similar forums and groups -- are making their living, or trying to, in some bizzarro New-Wage way.

As for the Hicks couple and their imaginary bud...it's sad they're making a lot of money. BTW, I too know some practicing Mormons and they are among the nicest and most ethical people you could ever hope to meet.

Well...gotta run for now... but I hope you'll keep on reading, and keep on writing!

Thursday, March 29, 2007 12:39:00 PM  
Blogger - Nábru said...


Wow I never thought it would get this big, a whole blog post dedicated to me? That's great :), thanks for the promotion, I appreciate it. I got the link for this post, as I can see who visits the site - The site isn't a hoax, a hoax to what? What could it possibly be hoax-ing you into? Idiots.

Anyway be happy with your non-wishful selves, if you're comfertable with that. Notice one thing though, no-one is talking about you but you are talking about everyone else.

Look at yourself and mind your own.

Ps - LOL @ Secretron...everyones a "secretron" by your logic, as everything in your life is a product of something you have thought..argue that

still thinking?

oh yeah,

that's right

You cant


Sunday, April 08, 2007 7:43:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Well, you are just full of love, aren't you, Nabru? I am assuming that besides being a brilliant songwriter, you are also the person behind the Universe Catalog web page. In any case, I honestly had to think for a moment about what you were talking about, since you said I had dedicated an entire post to you. And in fact, I mentioned several other folks in that post, including a woman who wrote a book about using Santa Claus to achieve one's dreams.

You wrote, "Notice one thing though, no-one is talking about you but you are talking about everyone else."

You are incorrect when you say no one is talking about me. Several people have given me a kind mention on their web sites and blogs. And many people have written comments *to* me, both good and bad, so even if they are not talking about me they certainly are paying attention to what I am writing, and they are talking *to* me.

You also wrote:
"Ps - LOL @ Secretron...everyones a 'secretron' by your logic, as everything in your life is a product of something you have thought..argue that"

No, Nabru, by my definition a Secretron is an over-zealous fan and defender of "The Secret." By definition, everyone is NOT a Secretron.

BTW, in many cases I am erring on the side of kindness when I use the term "Secretron." If you're really up to a challenge, though, you might also be interested in looking at Skeptico's (http://skeptico.blogs.com/) April 6 blog post. I'm sure you can hold your own arguing with the folks on that blog too.

Anyway, thanks for your input!

Sunday, April 08, 2007 10:10:00 AM  
Blogger RevRon's Rants said...

The tone of nabru's comment is a great example of why I refer to the Secret promoters as "Secretions." Their typical response to challenges is wave their hands and assume that the challenge will evaporate. If you offer reasons - no matter how logical - not to buy their snake oil, you will be informed that must be somehow defective or "unevolved." And if you dare to poke fun at their sham, you'll soon "feel the love" that is at the core of the Secret.

Perhaps they would do well to try and convince the "universe" to "attract" that large stick out of their collective ass.

And wasn't Nabru one of the planets in the newer Star Wars franchise? Might explain a lot... :-)

Sunday, April 08, 2007 12:46:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Ron. But that's a mighty big stick in a lot of asses. So if that stick ever does come loose, we'd all better duck and run for cover! :-)

Sunday, April 08, 2007 1:05:00 PM  
Blogger - Nábru said...

There's a planet in star wars called Nábru - I swear it was Naboo *shrugs shoulders* I don't like star wars anyway.

So a secretron is someone who defends "the secret"..so you're an indirect secretron...What made you make this blog?

A thought? Did you think, wouldn't it be cool (and maybe profitable) / fun to make a blog for people of like mindedness to me?

Yes, you did - otherwise it wouldn't have been made.

You wouldn't have made this blog without thinking about it, right?

I'll go check out that blog...

Snake oil? LOL wth are you on about?


Monday, April 09, 2007 5:24:00 AM  
Blogger - Nábru said...

PS rev

How can text have a tone? You can assume a tone, but it's impossible for text to have a tone

Monday, April 09, 2007 5:41:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Nab, The Rev was being facetious about the 'Star Wars' reference. And I explained in my original post that your screen name is an acronym for "New Age Brilliance Rapidly Unfolding." I think that name says a lot.

It occurred to me that one point I neglected to address in your original comment to me was whether or not the Universe Catalog page was a hoax. You wrote, "The site isn't a hoax, a hoax to what? What could it possibly be hoax-ing you into? Idiots."

Perhaps a better word for me to use would have been "parody" or "satire." The point I was trying to make – and I am sorry it was not clear to you – was that I thought it possible that the person who created the site was satirizing the magical-Genie, "ask-believe-receive" mentality encouraged in The Secret.

If that had been the case, the site would have actually fit into the definition of "hoax." Unlike a con, a hoax doesn't necessarily have an objective of screwing people out of their money. The Wikipedia entry says, "A hoax is an attempt to trick an audience into believing that something false is real...Many hoaxes are motivated by a desire to satirize or educate by exposing the credulity of the public and the media or the absurdity of the target."

No doubt most of the Secret fans who visited the site took it in a spirit of fun, although I am sure at least a few believed that by filling out the form they were actually increasing their chances of getting what they wanted from "The Universe." As you know, however, there was at least one person who complained because she thought she had to share her real name and location in order to fill out the form.

As for your idea about my doing a blog for people of like-mindedness to you because it might be fun and profitable, I am assuming you are suggesting I do a pro-Secret blog. There are already plenty of those. Even if I were pro-Secret, which I am not, the market is glutted by now, and therefore most of those blogs and sites are NOT going to be profitable. In any case, I am not doing this blog for profit, only for fun. It is an expression of how I feel, and if I were to do a pro-Secret blog I'd be just another hustledork and a hypocrite to boot – and there are plenty of those in cyberspace already.

Monday, April 09, 2007 9:31:00 AM  
Blogger RevRon's Rants said...

Nabru -
"How can text have a tone? You can assume a tone, but it's impossible for text to have a tone"

That will just have to be your little "Secret." Please don't let the literary world in on it. They would be devastated to learn that all their efforts have been for naught.

In reality, I understand how text might lack anything resembling "tone" to a reader with concrete thought processes. Luckily, there are psychopharmacological treatments for such an affliction. :-)

I think you must have missed the true motivation behind this discussion (and any number of others of similar ilk). Rather than being an attempt to defend the Secret or generate an income stream, these discussions are an attempt, through humor, to help people recognize cynical profiteering at the cost of their spiritual growth.

That it is the emperor's right to parade around naked goes without saying, but conniving others to abandon reason and fund such a pseudo-wardrobe brings new meaning and impetus to the word "smarmy," and certainly deserves to be made fun of, at the very least. The kindest thing a reasonable being can do when confronted with what passes for "new age brilliance" is to laugh. And *that* is what we're doing.

Monday, April 09, 2007 10:27:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Very good, Rev. And apparently we have also provided amusement for the good people over at Marcy From Maui's discussion forum. They amuse us, we amuse them. Quid pro quo!

Also, Nab, this isn't related to the discussion at hand, but just in case Gwen Stefani is not interested in your lyrics, you might consider other artists. I am thinking of a duet by Youssou N'dour & Neneh Cherry called "Seven Seconds." (lyrics are at http://lirama.net/song/34542; I'm sure you can download the song if you are interested). These artists, especially singing together, have a catchy, world-music style that might be marginally more appropriate for "The Secret." And they might find your lyrics to their liking. As I noted in my original post, Gwen Stefani just doesn't seem real "Secretronic." At any rate, I suspect that Rhonda had more of a mystical, soaring, new-agey song in mind as *the* "Secret" anthem. But good luck with the project anyway.

Monday, April 09, 2007 10:50:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Nab, reading over Rev's comments, and reading over yours again, one other point occurs to me: I totally misinterpreted your comment about "making a blog for people of like-mindedness to me." I realize now you were referring to my own thought processes, and were not suggesting that I write a blog for people who think like *you*. Duh. With all due respect, your writing really is not very clear sometimes. But then again, neither is my mind on Monday mornings. My apologies to you for the misinterpretation.

Yes, my blog *did* begin with a thought. But what does that prove? It certainly does not prove the truth of the Law Of Attraction or much of anything else that is touted in "The Secret." In this case, my thought inspired action. That is not at all the same thing as, say, Joe Vitale's assertion in "The Secret" that "This is like having the Universe as your catalog...it's really that easy!"

At any rate, you might be interested to know that I began this blog before "The Secret" was even on my radar (although it came on my radar soon after the blog was launched). I have been making fun of New-Age/New-Wage/pop-spirituality/self-help stuff for many, many years now. My blog is merely an outgrowth of that and, although I have had a lot of fun here at the expense of "The Secret," Whirled Musings would have existed without the help of the world's most famous infomercial.

Monday, April 09, 2007 11:15:00 AM  

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