The Aquaware dare

Dear Ones, I am very excited about an astounding breakthrough in…well…everything, potentially. A while back I blogged about some software called Aquaware, developed by a company called Aquafrequencies. Here's what Aquaware is and does, according to its creators:

In brief, Aquaware is software for PCs which impregnates water with
frequencies that are able to bring about objectives in the water-based human body. Those frequencies create geometrical forms that modify water's snowflake-like liquid crystals which, after ingestion, bathing, showering or direct application, then modify you at the cellular and molecular levels, and even at the level of your DNA, according to selectable intent. It's truly a marvel and works almost unbelievably well.

They have all kinds of specialized products too, such as LightBody for weight loss.

Simply put, Aquaware LightBody is software for your PC, surprisingly effective and very simple to use. You could teach anybody to use it in five minutes. The program impresses water with frequencies that are able to lose your fat for you, and easier and quicker than you might think. We had testers who lost fat the first day, and many within a matter of days.

Then there's SmokeErase to help you quit smoking.

Simply put, Aquaware Smokerase is software for your PC, surprisingly effective and very simple to use. You could teach anybody to use it in five minutes. The program impresses water with frequencies that are able to quit your smoking for you, and easier and quicker than you might think. We had testers who quit the first day, and many within a matter of days.

And so on.

Now I admit that I was kind of making fun of Aquaware in my original post. Some people didn't seem to be aware of this, and one wrote to me that the Aquaware folks had ripped off the technology from someone else.
Well, yesterday I got this email from a man I will refer to as J for now.

Hello, Connie. I'm [he gave me his full name], from Aquafrequencies, codeveloper of Aquaware, the software that modifies water you and your fellow bloggers so blithely and, forgive me for saying so, naively ridicule. I'm always amazed at the facetiousness and condescension of armchair experts who opine without investigating, without so much as gaining a modicum of education regarding anything they're summarily dismissing. Open people generally leave that to science and religion. As I intuit that you're quite open, I think possibly you were catering to your audience to some extent.

The fact is that we can prove everything, scientifically and otherwise. The fact is that I can program your water in Houston from where I sit, and you'd have absolutely no doubt whatsoever in your mind that what I have done is objective fact. We use what we do to cure all diseases, rapidly and effortlessly, but this is something we can't publicly discuss, as you probably well know.

In addition, the woman who posted on your blog regarding theft, etc., is deeply disturbed and is using Websites, blogs, forums, etc., to try to divert traffic to her Website and away from ours. We're extremely well-funded so we don't actually care what she does, but for some, as in your case, we have to set the record straight. We know precisely what we're doing and how we're going to - phase by phase - introduce this next stage technology to the world. Our planning involves years.

My proposal to you is to let me prove it, and I guarantee you I will, and then have you post on your own blog some measure of retraction to your presently uninformed flavor of sarcasm. Actually, your text is ingenious, as it teeters with admirable dexterity between what could be construed as sarcasm and what could be construed as sincerity. If you did that purposefully, well done.
You game?

Am I game?!? You bet I’m game, J.! I’m an "open person" for sure!
Up till now I’ve shared J’s email with a few of my email pen pals. My friend Blair responded:

This [guy] says, "The fact is that I can program your water in Houston from where I sit, and you'd have absolutely no doubt whatsoever in your mind that what I have done is objective fact."
I’d love to know what happens to water when it is "programmed."

Does it look different? Taste different? What specifically?

And why do I get this feeling it will come in a pretty blue bottle?

Good questions to ask.

But then my own Rev Ron piped in with an even better idea than J had originally suggested:

I told Connie that she should publicly take the guy up on his offer, but to tell him that rather than be selfish and have him "reprogram" the water at our house, he should "reprogram" the water at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center here in Houston. If he’s the real deal, there should be a spontaneous and widespread cure for all those cancer patients. We’d be glad to provide the address, GPS coordinates, anything he needs to get the job done. If he can pull that off, I’ll personally promote [him] and kiss his hiney on Good Morning America, Oprah, and Larry King Live!

Right on, Rev! And just to get J and his partners started, the map above contains a link that will give more information about just where MD Anderson is. Now, I know I’m probably not supposed to discuss the disease-curing properties of Aquaware right now, due to those party-poopers at the FDA and all that, but darn it all, this news is just too good to keep to myself. If the Aquafreq’s are in fact curing disease, and can prove it in every way it needs to be proven, why not announce it to the world? And instead of wasting time on little old me and my complaints about lousy-tasting tap water, let’s put the technology to work where it is truly needed.

Matter of fact, I think I should give a heads-up about this exciting new breakthrough to some of those wet-blanket blogging docs, such as Dr. Panda Bear, M.D. Dr. Bear has been spending a great deal of time and effort eloquently skewering "alternative/complementary" therapies and defending allopathic medicine – when in fact the whole allopathic v. alternative debate is moot, since the technology developed by the fine folks at Aquafrequencies can easily and effortlessly cure every disease.

So… how about it, J.? Are you game to really prove, scientifically and otherwise, that you can make a difference for those thousands of cancer patients? Houston – and the entire medical world – are waiting.

PS ~ In case any of y'all are thinking of trying Aquaware yourself, here is the link to the Terms Of Use page on the Aquafrequencies web site. It's very detailed, so study it carefully. Maybe you should smoke something first, though.

PPS ~ It occurs to me that this could all be a hoax, and the joke's on me. If so...hey, good one, J!

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