Things are looking up...I think

I hate to have to deviate from my role of Captain Bring-Down, skipper of my very own electronic garbage barge (as one of the Secretrons helpfully suggested the other day), but I felt compelled to share some good news. It’s been a while since I reported on the Nether Regions rescue project that’s being run by Extreme Lightworker Bryan James. Bryan, owner of Circle of Lights, is heading up this daring project to rescue 50 million souls who are trapped in Hell. Along with Mother Mary, several Ascended Masters and Chakra Queen / Powerful Intender Shondra Burt – plus thousands of viewers like you* – Bryan has managed to make a real difference in Hell. Here, according to Bryan, are the latest stats on those 50 million folks:

• 100% have shown some movement
• 100% have opened their eyes
• 45% are walking with some assistance (6% without)
• 39% are asking questions (e.g., "Who am I?" or "Where am I?")
• 2% are regaining cognitive ability

So how do we know we can trust Bryan’s numbers? Well, he’s pretty knowledgeable about numbers, as I have previously reported on this very blog. Furthermore, he’s the father of two Indigo Children. How can you not trust a man like that?

By the way, you still have a chance to get in on the Nether Regions rescue project. There’s a lot more work to be done, and there's a heck of a lot going on down there, as indicated by the pictures here. To participate in the fun, all you have to do, before you go to sleep at night, is ask to be taken to the Nether Worlds while in your dream state. Once you get to Hell, simply provide support for the Holy Ones trying to revive the souls coming out of comatose conditions. You may be called upon to make donut runs, put out a few fires, do some light typing and filing, clean up some excrement here and there, or simply participate in a prayer, meditation, or group hug.

Then you simply send Bryan an email telling him how many nights you served. It’s totally on the honor system, but remember, Mother Mary and all those Masters are watching you. For every night you serve in Hell, you will receive one free Frequency Acceleration from Bryan, which would normally set you back $24.99.

Bryan James also offers Extreme Lightwork training. Sign up for a class and you’ll receive:

• An etheric electric blue robe that signifies membership in the Sacred Order of Dionysius, who is in charge of all Lightworkers.
• An etheric Light Rod with a frequency of 9,999. This is a useful tool for generating Light energy at a moment's notice for healing or clearing negative energies. (Eat your heart out, Luke Skywalker!)
  
• A legion (1,000) of protective angels from Archangel Michael. This number can be increased as necessary.
• A squad of Lightwarriors from Horus (Heru) for protection (usually two to four, but more are available as necessary).
• 18 Protective Light Shields from Melchizedek. This number is also increased as necessary.
• 5,000 'teammates' from other dimensions (originating from over 600,000 dimensions). This number grows as a person grows in their Lightwork. No other person on the planet outside of this group has more than 200 teammates. (Even Verizon Wireless, with its "Network" headed up by that friendly but suspiciously reticent dweeb, can't beat this deal.)
  
• Advanced class receives much more!

So… that’s what some concerned souls are doing as we hurtle towards the End of Days (or not). At least that’s what I think they are doing. And I think they are serious. But boy, will my face be red if I find out that this is all part of some elaborate online game community or something.

* Well, like you, except a lot more gullible.