Another fried day

Snippets and scraps again on this steamy hot August Friday evening (or Saturday, for those in other parts of the world)…

Another Dean (this one not a hurricane)
Mega-bestselling author Dean Koontz, whose quirky suspense novels have sold circles around those of most of the New-Wage/selfish-help gurus, takes some pretty good potshots at the New-Wage industry in his 2003 novel, The Face. In this novel, protagonist Ethan Truman, an ex-cop who’s now security chief for a famous movie star, teams up with his former partner Lester "Hazard" Yancy to foil a possible kidnapping and murder plot against Ethan's employer. Several murders have already been committed that seem related to their case, and the two men have some strong clues that the brains behind these murders, as well as the dastardly plot against the film star, is a local college professor. They’re just not certain which professor. One of the profs they track down turns out not to be the murderer, but something infinitely more annoying: a professional hustledork.

The professor who had organized the one-day seminar on publicity and self-promotion was Dr. Robert Vebbler. He preferred to be called Dr. Bob, as he was known on the motivational-speaking circuit, where he promised to turn ordinary, self-doubting men and women into doubt-free dynamos of self-interest and superhuman achievement.

Ethan and Hazard found the professor on the mostly deserted campus, in his office, preparing for a January speaking tour. The walls of the two-room space were papered with portrait posters of Dr. Bob in a size popularized by Joseph Stalin and Mao Tse-tung.

He had a shaved head, a handlebar mustache, a red-bronze tan that established his contempt for melanoma, and laser-whitened teeth brighter than irradiated piano keys...

…Dr. Bob managed so successfully to turn the answer to every question into a mini-lecture on self-esteem that Ethan wanted Hazard to arrest him on charges of felony cliché and practicing philosophy without an idea.

(That last bit sure sounds like a lot of those Secret stars, doesn’t it? Such as this one…)

Ethan and Hazard soon conclude that Dr. Bob is not their man:

He was just as quacky as Donald Duck, but he was no more a murderer than was that excitable mallard. He hungered to be famous, not infamous. Donald had on occasion attempted to kill Chip and Dale, that pair of pesky chipmunks, but Dr. Bob would instead motivate them to give up their rodent ways and become successful entrepreneurs.

God…I mean Prime Source…has some political advice
You may have thought the Creator of the Universe was solely on the side of the religious right. But it turns out He/She/It is a Democrat, and not only that, He/She/It names names when it comes to telling us who the good guys and gals are.

I just received this info from Extreme Lightworker Bryan James via my favorite New-Wage spam service. Bryan is the dad of two Indigo kids and is also the owner of Circle of Lights, whose mission, he says, "is to provide support for Lightworkers and their families, through state-of-the-art services and products that enhance their Light and prepare them for greater service to the planet, our universe and all creation. Our goal is to help create a critical mass of higher frequency energy that will raise the planet's vibration and lead all creation into the New Age."

Anyway, Bryan had a very important message from Prime Source (or "God" to you unenlightened souls) regarding a US politician:

Prime Source says: "It is important that we provide support for those who are supporting the ascension process on Earth. We can do this by establishing contact with them through our Higher Selves as we offer our hearts to them.

"As we draw closer to the end, we will raise up several who will lead you to ascension. They will help prepare the Earth and your society for the changes that will come. One such person is Nancy Pelosi. She will be working very closely with us as we move your planet forward to the next level. Please support her all you can."

All-righty, then! Bryan does not say what it is about Nancy Pelosi that is so vibrationally advanced, or what she is doing to aid in the Earth's ascension, or, for that matter, what we need to be doing to support her, so I guess you're on your own there. I just thought I'd pass the news along.

By the way, Bryan adds that the Nether Worlds Reclamation Project, in which souls stuck in Hell are being rescued and taken home, is still going well. According to Bryan, "…over 100,000 souls are now being rescued, rehabilitated and sent home every day. Please continue to send your Light, prayers and best wishes for the full recovery of the remaining souls currently undergoing treatment."

Lately, though, he hasn’t been encouraging the rest of us to go to Hell ourselves to help out, nor does he provide instructions on how to do so, as he once did. My guess is that the Holy Mother and Bryan had so many eager volunteers for their rescue effort that the place got way too crowded and chaotic. Or maybe they had too many folks who were merely claiming to have made the trip in order to get the free prize Bryan was offering (a chakra acceleration or something like that), but they had no way to substantiate that the claimants really had been to Hell and back, so the volunteer program was cancelled. Or maybe Bryan just got tired of my making fun of his project. (You see, it’s always all about me. I’m a narcissist, after all.)

Pro bonehead
It’s not enough that the New Wage has infiltrated the once pristine arena of politics; it is also seeping into the noble profession of law. I received an email ad from a pleasant looking fellow named Duane Light, a "California-licensed Holistic Lawyer and spiritual life coach with almost 20 years experience." Duane "offers spiritually-based coaching to Light-minded people throughout the US."

Here’s what he says, in part, about his holistic legal coaching and consulting:

As a Coach I help you analyze your situation and support you to clear emotionally, find your highest guidance, and plan the best way forward to implement your values. As a consultant I can guide you generally in how the legal system works and how best to navigate it to save time and money and reduce stress.

My first job is to create a safe and confidential space where everything that you say, and all that you are, is held in compassion and confidentiality, and then to deeply listen. I aim to be your trusted advisor, friend and guide, to help you to move through whatever situation you have with your highest values intact and your heart open.

…I work with my clients to find the highest possible outcome for all involved.

If that doesn’t sound like your cup of legal tea, there’s always Houston-based Simmons & Fletcher, "the Christian trial lawyers." Speaking of which… oh, darn, I just missed the Christian Trial Lawyers Association "Major League Trial Tactics" seminar in my fair city. Apparently it took place last week, and Ken Starr, a true Christian lawyer if there ever was one, was the featured speaker. Oh, well...there's always next year.

Scientist Bob: take note!
My friend Tony Michalski pointed out an intriguing web site for people who are interested in quantum physics – the kind that is taught by real scientists, that is, not the kind they teach in The Secret and What The Bleep?!?

"When Bob Proctor and the gang can claim they've done what is listed on this web page, THEN and ONLY THEN can they talk about quantum physics," Tony wrote, adding, "And that goes for Rhonda and Ramtha and anyone else." Tony, by the way, is currently making his way through The Road To Reality: A Complete Guide to the Laws of the Universe, by Roger Penrose. Which makes me feel like sort of an intellectual slacker for reading Dean Koontz, but there you are.

Blair Warren, who was in on the conversation, jokingly responded, "Nice try, Tony, but I don’t see a single book by [he named a few bestselling New-Wage gurus] or any other ‘real’ physicists on that list. How is all that pseudo-science going to ‘attract’ any wealth to us at all? I thought we were all looking for scams. This is no help at all."

To which Tony replied: "How about a course entitled ‘How to Use Super-Gravity and Super Symmetry to Lead a Super-Empowered Life!’? Or ‘You are Quantum ... Hear You ROAR!’ Or ‘How the Hyperbolic Nature of Space- Time Can Bring You Money, Cars, AND Even the Girl of Your Dreams.’

"How could you NOT see those possibilities?"

The thing is, Tony… some of the New-Wage gurus are already offering things like that. So, I’m sorry, but I think we’re going to have to look beyond the quantum world if we want to come up with a truly original scam.

Well, that’s it for now… it’s been a long day, and The Rev and I have a busy weekend ahead of us. See y'all soon!

Reflecting on self-esteem

Lately I've been running across that "self-esteem" graphic depicting a cute little kitten gazing at itself in a mirror and beholding the face of a lion. You probably know the one I mean. I've seen this pic on various blog posts, web sites, and discussion forums, and in those emails that well-meaning friends forward to you and everyone else they've ever known or might possibly know at some undetermined time in the future. The caption on the graphic reads, "What matters most is how you see yourself." These days it is nearly as omnipresent as that poster of the cute little kitten hanging precariously from a tree limb, with the caption, "Hang In There!" That one is supposed to serve as encouragement for people who are having hard times. Depending upon the problem, if I were having hard times I'd much prefer money or some Xanax to a picture of a cute little kitty in a tree, but that's just me.


As for the self-esteem poster, I have a few problems with this whole kitten-and-lion thing. To begin with, it clearly implies that the lion is somehow superior to felis domesticus. Don't you dare try suggesting anything like that to the lap lions who live in my household. They may be smaller in stature than a lion, and lacking in a mane, and they may not be able to scarf down an entire gazelle in one sitting, but they are a lot more useful and, I imagine, considerably less messy than felis leo. Not only are they experts in stalking, catching, and killing those rat-sized roaches we have here in the semi-tropics – a feat which a lion would probably think was beneath its dignity – but let's face it: a lion would require an awfully large litter box. And I have enough trouble keeping the little litter boxes clean, despite the fact that I have told all of y'all about my problem and have asked you repeatedly to do some Ho'oponopono cleaning on the problem. Not that I'm getting after you or anything. I'm just saying.

Second of all, the poster does not depict a very desirable scenario. Think about it. Most cats already have an inflated sense of self-worth without seeing themselves as lions. No matter how much you adore your own cats (and I dearly love mine), you know I'm right. Can you imagine how intolerable they'd be if they literally thought they were big cats?

Third of all, the whole scenario isn't even very realistic. Your average itty-bitty kitty would almost certainly turn tail and run to the nearest closet if it happened to be looking in a mirror and a big lion-face suddenly appeared.

So forgive me if I am a bit less than inspired by the picture of Fluffy and the King of Beasts. I can identify with the staring-in-the-mirror part of the message, but that's about it for me.

However, I am not going to leave you uninspired. My good friend Dr. Lar Jeego,* Guerrilla Motivator®, bestselling author, bad poet, and holder of way too many phony university degrees to list here, has created a poster that I found much more inspirational, and that he has kindly given me permission to share with you.

Dr. Lar is the founder of the famous Self-Esteem Boot Camp®, in which people are forced at gunpoint to love themselves. This is part of a technique he invented called Tough Self-Love. Some may feel his methods are rather harsh, but the many thousands of participants in the Boot Camps have found the experience to be life-changing, and only fatal for a very few. Dr. Lar uses such extreme measures, along with traditional means such as talk therapy, role playing, and, of course, mirror work, because he believes that self-esteem is the most important quality we can cultivate. It makes up for a host of other shortcomings, such as lack of intelligence, lack of character, laziness, sociopathy, psychosis, poor hygiene, etc.

Along with the inspiring illustration on his poster, Dr. Lar has thoughtfully included one of his many bad poems. Click on the graphic and you'll get the large version, which is suitable for a wallpaper. It has also been specially infused with powerful properties, so it will "clean" you as you look at it.

But it sure hasn't done much for my litter boxes.

* Whom I just made up

Knowledge is power

If you haven't done so already, bookmark Uncyclopedia, surely one of the most authoritative and trustworthy sources for misinformation on the Internet or anywhere else. Need some fact-like fillers or something that looks like substantiation of your ideas for that phony-doctoral dissertation, news magazine cover story, or blog post? Or do you just want to broaden and deepen your lack of knowledge about history, philosophy, science, the arts, politics, current events, and a host of other matters of consequence? Uncyclopedia will most likely have what you need. Every article is unscreened for accuracy by a panel of experts in the appropriate field, and most of the articles even have references and footnotes.


And Uncyclopedia is also a Goddess-send for the do-it-yourselfer. My friend Blair Warren was tooling around Uncyclopedia and discovered one of the most useful – and potentially life-changing – articles I've ever seen anywhere. Follow its advice, and you will receive wealth beyond belief.

Are you ready?

Click here for the article that will change your life.

You don't have to thank me.

Just another Monday snipefest

It's a busy Monday so I'll just serve up snippets again today...

Logic eludes me (and so, apparently, does success)
This past week a couple of bloggers, beginning with my pal Jody at Guruphiliac, linked to my piece, "The Wrath Of The Secretrons." This piece was first published on the Committee For Skeptical Inquiry (Skeptical Inquirer) web site in late March; I announced its publication on my March 30 blog post. Now there's a whole new round of interest in the piece, and as a result, I’ve been getting some emails. By far most have been complimentary, though two three people thus far have corrected me on one small point regarding logical fallacies. Under the sub-head, "Projecting backwards," I included a quotation from SHAMblog's Steve Salerno about a posteriori reasoning. I was quoting Steve's Amazon review of The Secret, a review that seemed to be missing in action when I searched for it last night. Anyway, my two three correspondents wrote that what was described as a posteriori reasoning was probably post hoc ergo propter hoc ("before therefore because").

Steve tells me that while this clarification may be technically correct, in popular usage it's a different story, and that most people he knows use the shorthand "a posteriori" to refer (in a casual sense) to the post/ergo/propter fallacy.

In any case, I never claimed that logic or critical thinking were my strong suit, but I do appreciate the clarification and feedback from all. Hey, I’m still learning. (And Steve, if I have in any way misrepresented or misinterpreted your thoughts in my Secretrons article, well, here's some more Latin: Mea culpa.)

My Secretrons article even briefly made the Secret/Powerful Intentions discussion group – though if you click that link you'll see the thread has since been removed. I received a very nice and thoughtful email from one of the members of that forum, who reminded me that not everyone who's a Secret fan is in it for the greed. In other words, not everyone who likes The Secret is a "Secretron."

Some folks elsewhere have apparently had some problems with my article, as indicated in a discussion on Steve Pavlina’s "Personal Development For Smart People" forum. A junior member opened the thread by providing a link to my article and asking for opinions about it. A senior member answered:

It's an interesting article, but the author:

A. Doesn't seem that successful and probably isn't a good source on how to get what you want, whether through the LoA or other conventional means.

B. Doesn't talk about any positive alternatives to the LoA.

At least she doesn't call fans of the Secret "secretards" like some other bloggers I've seen.

To which I can only respond:
A. I’ve never claimed to be "successful," whatever that means.
B. It’s not my job on this blog – nor was it my purpose in writing about my experiences for the CSI piece – to tell other people how to get what they want, or how to be "successful." I’m beginning to feel a bit like the aforementioned Steve Salerno, who has been criticized because his book SHAM doesn’t offer any solutions to the problems created by our self-help-saturated culture. That wasn't the purpose of his book.

Another person on Steve Pavlina’s forum wrote:

I'm sorry, but there are a few things which the author doesn't understand.

1. You don't just buy a book or DVD about the Law of Attraction and become phenomenally successful overnight. It doesn't work that way. Among other things, you have to learn how to use the Law of Attraction, and that takes time (and practice).

2. The author's point seems to be that the "LOA experts" were not phenomenally successful from Day One. The big hole in her argument is that she doesn't know when the "LOA experts" started using LOA, and what happened thereafter. She is doing the "backward projection" – unfortunately she has no idea which point in time she should project backwards to.

3. The general impression she tries to convey is that the LOA is a nonsensical fad recently invented to achieve widespread success through "viral marketing" - something like that notoriously bad singer William Hung from American Idol some years back. However, LOA isn't a fad - it's been around for a long time, in different forms. It is one of the eight or nine ancient Hindu siddhis (note - it is only one of the eight or nine siddhis (or powers)); you see an early description of LOA in 1932 by Napoleon Hill; while Jane Roberts' Seth talked a lot about the same sort of thing in the 1960s or 1970s except that Seth didn't call it "Law of Attraction"; then in the 1980s and 1990s, you had Abraham Hicks. Extensive descriptions of how "thoughts create reality" and "reality is illusion" etc show up long, long ago in Buddhism.

Condescension duly noted. Let me answer those points one by one:

1. I have never said, implied, or believed that one can buy a book or DVD and then "become successful overnight." My beef is with the hustledorks who do make those promises or strong implications about near-overnight or easy success – at least when they’re trying to get you to buy their products. Many of the promoters of The Secret are guilty of this tactic. "It’s like having the Universe as your catalog… it’s really that easy!" Sound familiar? Of course, they spend the rest of their time backpedaling and qualifying what they said.
2. If the writer thinks that my main point (and criticism) about the stars of The Secret is that they were not "phenomenally successful from Day One," then he is missing the point. Or perhaps my writing was not clear enough. What I was trying to say, and have said all along, is that the stars of The Secret have spent a great deal of time and effort saying that LOA – as presented in The Secret – has been the key to their success. But in my experience, they pretty much say that about anything they’re promoting – as I have pointed out numerous times on this blog. And in making my argument, such as it is, I am not engaging in any sort of "backward projection" myself; I don’t need to know when the New-Wage gurus began using LOA or EMF tapping or Ho’oponopono or whatever. I am basing my opinion on the outrageous claims these people make. At the risk of stating (or restating) the obvious… these folks will attribute their stunning success to just about anything as long as there is $omething in it for them.
3. I have never said or implied that LOA is a recently invented fad, and that was not the point of my article. In fact, I mentioned that Rhonda Byrne was originally inspired by Wallace D. Wattle’s classic The Science of Getting Rich, a book that is nearly 100 years old. I am also aware that LOA ideas are much older than that. Further, despite the fact that I am not a particularly "successful" person and offer no alternatives to the LOA, I am not entirely ignorant. I’ve heard tell of ancient spiritual traditions that promote related ideas, although I don’t really think Buddha taught people how to attract a new car or a mansion. As someone else responded on that discussion thread, "There is a reason Shakyamuni never said 'Food cannot cause you to put on weight, unless you think it can.' There is a reason Krishna never advised people how to use cheap tricks to obtain a diamond necklace. This reason seems to be the Real Secret."
   
   And, say what you will about the ancient roots of the notion of one's thoughts creating one's reality, there is no denying that viral marketing and other contemporary cultural phenomena made The Secret the astonishing success – and, yes, the contemporary fad – that it is.

More sniping at The Secret
Despite the criticism (which, of course, I’m pretty used to by now), those who have written directly to me have for the most part been very supportive of my "Secretrons" article and have directed my attention to some other small gems. "Anti-guru" Steve Sashen, for example, was quoted in an article that appeared early this year in the London Free Press. And another writer pointed me to a new parody book, Who Moved My Secret? It looks pretty enlightening to me – more so than the original, to be sure. The parody is by comedy writer Jim Gerard, who also penned Beam Me Up, Jesus: A Heathen’s Guide To The Rapture.

Knowing which way the wind blows
As I predicted, Hurricane Diva Phoenix, aka Lynn Marks, is claiming to have had a hand in taming the late Hurricane Dean. I just got an email update from the Wind Whisperer the other night.

A group of like-minded, spirit souls - from across America, Jamaica, UK and Australia - met for Prayers and Meditation for Hurricane Dean three times this past weekend. The size of the state of Texas and the 10th largest hurricane ever recorded since the 1850's, Hurricane Dean consistently answered and honored our prayers. First time we met he was on a path to hit the Dominican Republic and Haiti; instead he veered south of the coast. Next the eye of the storm was on a direct course for Kingston, Jamaica and the entire island country. Again our prayers were answered and he moved his 145 mph winds south of the coastline, leaving maximum 80 mph winds and less rain. Now Dean, a Category 5 storm with 155+ mph winds, was forecasted to slam Mexico's Yucatan and densely populated tourist Mayan Riviera cities of Cancun and Cozumel. We started the meditation at 8 pm. At 9:30, sounding rather befuddled, CNN's Anderson Cooper said: "Hurricane Dean's just jogged sort of south." Dean would make landfall in Chetuma, a nature reserve, inhabited mostly by animals. The 3,500 Mayan villagers had been evacuated. And, once again Dean defied predictions, never regaining strength as he crossed to the other side of the Yucatan or threatening Mexico's oil rigs and moving on to northern Mexico or Texas. Instead, just as requested, he returned to the nothing fro [sic], where he came and seemed to simply fizzle away.

I am sure this will be a comfort to the families of the 26 or so folks who lost their lives, and to the hundreds who lost their homes and businesses, as Dean was in the process of returning to the nothing from where he came.

I know what you’re going to say: "Oh, but it could have been a lot worse, Cosmic Connie, if it weren’t for the Prayers and Mediations of all of those like-minded spirit souls!"

Well…okay… maybe you’re right. After all, Spirit Diva was able to get three channeled messages from Hurricane Dean, two of which I quoted the other day. In the third one, he said:

Do not give into what appears to be true.

Stay centered with your higher self, your true spirit self.

See and Feel with God's eyes and heart.

Know that you hold the key to alal [sic] that is.

Even holding an ounce of faith has the power to move mountains as they say

In this case me.

Umm…okay!

By the way, you might be interested in knowing that Spirit Diva communicated with Hurricane Rita a couple of years ago. Rita told her: "MY PURPOSE IS LOVE AND UNIFICATION. I STRIKE A chord for all people who have ever experienced harm or been in harm's way. I melt their resentment and awaken their love center, their compassion and gratefulness...." So perhaps we can also thank Spirit Diva and her helpers (along with Mr. Fire and his helpers, of course), for the fact that Rita turned out to be just another sweet lady hurricane who came into being to teach us humans about "love and unification."

As you might expect, Spirit Diva has communicated with numerous other hurricanes. And they’ve all had some very important messages for us. Oddly enough, that beeyotch Katrina apparently never spoke to S.D. But no matter; S.D. is still doing her part to help the victims of that taciturn but very destructive storm, and will be at the ceremonies in New Orleans August 29 to mark the second anniversary of Katrina’s visit.

"Are you Dreaming now?"
I hate to disappoint you, Dear Ones, but that was not a lead-in to another piece of juicy gossip about Dreaming-Bear, Maui’s half-naked mystical poet, phony Indian, and resident poseur. Instead, it was the subject line on an email I received from my favorite New-Wage spam service. The message continued, "New DreamMask allows you to change and control your dreams at night... Now you can Dream whatever you like!"

The message continued: "No Kidding – It's Guaranteed to work for YOU. You will know within minutes of taking it out of the box. Imagine the Implications of this!"

The product in question is a kit to facilitate lucid dreaming. Here, as listed in the email, are some of the possible benefits:

• Grow spritually [sic] at an astounding rate
• Have more FUN than you can imagine
• How about Remote Viewing or "Out of Body"
• Solve problems by talking it over with Einstein, Tesla, Mark Twain or your own hero
• Finally get relief from harassing nightmares
• Have romantic encounters like maybe finding a cozy restaurant in Paris with your Dream Date experiencing all the sights, sounds, smells and emotions that go with it! How about Rome or Greece tomorrow night? Or maybe even New Jersey! No...just kidding.
• And much much more…

And it’s only $250.00 US.

The "Man Behind the Mask" is Bruce Gelerter, CEO of Wellness Tools. Bruce writes:

My experience spans from working on the "Star Wars" projects during the Reagan era to space and ground based Lasers at Allied Corporation which were used for research at Los Alamos Labs and then GE Medical working in Radiology spending a lot of time in hospitals getting to see behind the scenes in patient care and treatments. GE Medical was my last job because after seeing how people weren’t being taken care of properly I made a commitment to myself to use my abilities to design and search for ways to empower people to take their health back.

The first device I designed 12 years ago was the NeuroTrek Digital Pro, which is a microcurrent device capable of changing brain state in just seconds. Then I designed the BioTrue 1000 [only $849.95 US] which is a Galvanic Skin Resistance (GSR) device capable of getting feedback from the body in response to testing for supplements and allergens.

Bruce wants you to know that his inventory of the DreamMask is limited as "we only make only 50 at a time to insure the highest quality so get yours."

And I gotta admit, Bruce has some pretty powerful testimonials for the DreamMask. Well, he has one pretty powerful testimonial anyway. Okay, one testimonial. It’s from a guy named Joe in Colorado. Hey, it’s a start.

It sounds like baloney to me, but…
You may have read about a guy in Spain, Manuel Maldonado, who is raising some very carefully fed hogs in order to produce a new variety of hoity-toity ham for food snobs. These hams are expected to go for $2,100.00 per leg, which will amount to about $160.00 a pound, making the results of Manuel's labor the most expensive hams in the world. According to this AP article by Amanda Rivkin:

The 2006 Alba Quercus Reserve (as this pricey pork will be known) won't be available until late 2008 and you must buy the whole ham or nothing at all. But that hasn't dissuaded gastronomic Web sites and blogs from buzzing with talk of the farm where it is being produced, likening it to a Mount Olympus of pork.

I guess people have a right to spend their money any way they wish. But why pay $160.00 a pound when there are so many hams we can all enjoy for free?

Sorry, I just had to get one more snipe in...

One more thing before I go: I normally publish comments as soon as I receive them, but if there's a delay in publishing yours, don't worry. Several times over the past couple of weeks I've been having a little bit of trouble receiving the comments through the regular channel (my email account), and have been having actually sign on to Blogger to moderate them. I don't know if this is a glitch in Blogger or Juno, but don't worry; I will get to your comment soon.

And now back to our regularly scheduled work day.

Happy Anniversary, Hawai’i!

Aloha, Dear Ones! I know that Hawai’ian Week on Whirled Musings has passed, but I just couldn’t let this day go by without acknowledging the 48th anniversary of the day that the Aloha Territory officially became the Aloha State. Although Hawai’i Statehood Day is traditionally observed on the third Thursday of August, which this year fell on August 17, the actual anniversary is August 21, 1959. (I realize that as this post goes to publication this day is almost over – and that, in fact, for those of you in the Other Hemisphere, it’s already August 22, so you’re past Hawai’ian Statehood Day, but work with me, okay?)

If you want a little bit of historical perspective about Hawai’i and don’t feel like reading James Michener’s novel Hawaii (or watching the movie), click here.

Or perhaps you’d rather skip the history but are nonetheless feeling in a Hawai’ian sort of mood. You could sit around and wait for Warner Brothers to finally release the old Hawaiian Eye episodes on DVD (1959 was the Year of Hawai’i in more ways than one). But who knows when WB will finally get around to releasing this gem? Not to worry; there are plenty of things you can do to celebrate the admission of the 50th state in the Union.

For example, why not mix one of those tropical fruity drinks and practice your Boto’o’popopopo cleaning? By the way, the wise Hawai’ian healer who taught this method to me, Dr. Ihavascama Fer Yew, recently told me to tell y’all that for the cleaning to really work, you need to clean out all of your bank accounts and investment accounts and send the proceeds to me. But if you don’t feel like doing that – in other words, if you’ve not quite reached that stage of advanced suckerdom spiritual evolution – that's okay. Sure, I'm a bit disappointed in you, but let me clean on it for a moment... You love me. You thank me. You're sorry. I forgive you.

There. I'm all better. So go ahead and pour yourself that fruity drink. Then click here for a pretty Hawai’ian tune, and go back and relive some of the festive Hawai’ian moments we’ve shared on Whirled Musings over the past several weeks.

And if you really want to get yourself into an Aloha State of mind, pop on over to the blog of one of Maui’s treasures, Dreaming-Bear Kanaan – a man much in love with himself, a libertine disguised as poet, mystic, SHAM-an and fake Native American. D-B seems to be an absolute magnet for impressionable and/or desperate women (and even a faintly disturbed man or two), judging from some of the responses to his blog entries. (While you’re visiting, be sure to take a look at the Google ads on the right-hand side of the blog pages.)

If you just can’t get enough Dreaming-Bear, he will be doing another of his weekly "Teleseminar Communions" on Wednesday, August 22, at 9pm EST / 6pm PST / 3pm Hawaii Standard Time. Never mind that we’re on Daylight Savings Time right now. Here’s a link to last week’s Telecommunion. (Be forewarned: it’s pretty SNAG-gy and sappy. And the host of the program is one of those…er…impressionable-sounding women.)

But if you really, really want to get in a Hawai’ian mood, sign up for the great Holistic Hawai’i Expo that’s coming September 8 & 9. Two of the featured speakers will be Hank Wesselman, Ph.D. and Jill Kuykendall, RPT, who are on a mission to "create transpersonal bridges to facilitate the emergence of a new subculture in the Western world." Wesselman wrote a book that I actually read a few years ago, Spiritwalker. It’s a book in the inspired-hallucinations genre, much like the works of Carlos Castaneda. I’m thinking maybe I need to develop an inspired hallucination. Some deeply wise indigenous person from the remote past or the far future needs to begin visiting me in my dreams. And then I need to discover that I am not in fact dreaming, but that the experiences are very real. The deeply wise one needs to reveal things to me that have never been revealed to another human, or have been revealed, but the other humans were too stupid or stubborn to listen. And then I need to write some books about my experiences and get them published by Hay House...

But back to the Holistic Hawai’i Expo, where Hank and Jill will be speaking about "The Soul Cluster and the Mystical Nature of the Self." Another couple, Doug Hackett and Trish Regan, will expound upon "Sacred Partnership & Planetary Acceleration." Doug and Trish run dolphin retreats in Hawai’i. (I guess the poor dolphins have to have some place to get away from all of those painfully affluent, conspicuously enlightened folks who are so obsessed with our ocean brethren.) Anyway, the Holistic Hawai’i Expo is only a few weeks away, so you’d better sign up now.

Meanwhile, make the most of these final hours of Statehood Day. Do something Aloha-ish. Dare something blogworthy. And don't forget to clean, clean, clean. My cats' litter boxes are still waiting...

PS ~ Hurricane Dean continues to weaken, due no doubt to the diligent efforts of Phoenix The Spirit Diva and her friends. Well, he told us he was just a big lovable hunk of wind.

The duke of whirl, the Dean of storms

I am definitely the Law Of Attraction in Action. Mere hours after posting my Saturday snippet about Hurricane Dean, I got an email from the Hurricane communicator herself, Lynn Marks, aka Phoenix, aka Spirit Diva. You'll be relieved to know that she and her helpers are on the job. She wanted me to spread the word to everyone.

As of this writing Hurricane Dean is a Catagory 4 and projected to become a Cat 5. He is headed toward Jamaica. You know our thoughts and feelings create our reality so it's so important to not get caught up in the media coverage of this or other situations. It is important to receognize that as we transform our consciousness we help transform the consciousness of the world. So everytime there is a "moment of crisis" anywhere it is an opportunity for us be more mindful of our own thoughts and feelings. Hurricane Dean is simply a reminder and, from a spiritual perspective, a teacher.

Accordingly, Spirit Diva and friends held a phone meditation Sunday morning at 11:30 EST. Dean also spoke directly to Spirit Diva and told her to spread the word that he's really just a big lovable lug at heart.

A MESSAGE FROM HURRICANE DEAN as channelled through me moments before noon [Saturday, August 18, 2007)

"I bring the message of peace.

"Yes, I look large, ominous and like a real threat, bully if you will.

"Do not believe what you see. I am all heart. I have a large, passionate heart. Like all beings, connecting with my heart, touching me from the inside-out, brings inner peace and transforms my outer behavior.

"Acknowledge me, as all seeming bullies, with love. See me right. Be at Peace. See me right. Respond with the right thoughts and feelings. See me right. Release all judgment.

"I bring the message of peace, the message that no matter what travesties, adversities, threats you have experienced now is the time to...

"See them right. See them with the eyes of the divine. See them with love. Allow the pressure, tension, stress that you have been holding on to - long after the incidents - simply dissolve back into the nothingness that they came from... just as you desire for me.

"All is well. Be Peace. Be your divine being - now."

Here, according to Phoenix, is how you can help neutralize Dean:

• Simply from your heart center send the highest vibration of love. See and feel it flow through you as green light to the heart of Hurricane Dean.
• See him spinning clockwise
• See and feel all around him, through him and in him:green, cool, gentle, calm... ocean, water, rain, breezes, lightness
• See and feel God's light shining through
• See and feel Dean take the path of least destruction
• Bless him and know that all is well.

Also, run from the water, hide from the wind, and stock up on water, non-perishable food items, and D batteries. Just thought y'all would want to know.

PS added at 3:30 PM CST (4:30 PM EST) ~ I just got this in from Spirit Diva:

Our prayers and meditations were heard and Dean has shifted and will continue to shift direction and intensity. At 11 am EST his center was projected to directly hit the entire island country at 145 mph. Currently at 2 pm [EST] he is taking a slightly more southernly direction some 80 miles south-east of Kingston. Your prayers and meditation make a difference.

Spirit Diva channeled Hurricane Dean again immediately before the Sunday morning meditation, and here's what he told her:

Forgive yourself and others. Everything happens as it is meant to be.

I bring a sense of fear, even terror.

Forgive me for that. I am simply a mirror of other things, people, situations, even your own behavior that you have feared in the past, perhaps still do.

My coming is an opportuntiy to release this fear. To be at peace knowing that everyone - even you - was doing the best they knew at the time.

Be gentle. Be forgiving. Be them. Now, from deep in your heart simply open the doors of this anger, fear, resentment. Let it fly out as a dove flies in the blue shy abaove, rising way above and away from you.

See and Feel all that stuff that you have been carrying retrun back to God and be transmuted for a higher purpose under grace.

Be at Peace. This is Healing.

All is well. Forgive from an open, loving heart. you are love.

You are free. You are like the divine dove flying in the blue sky. All is well.

No offense to Dean, and I hope it will not seem that I am being hypercritical, but...although he may be a very nice hurricane, he really is not a very good speller.

This crazy, crazy Whirled

As the Gulf Coast holds its breath in apprehension about Hurricane Dean, my thoughts naturally turn to what Lynn Marks (aka Phoenix The Spirit Diva) and her hurricane-communicating compadres are doing about it. So far we’ve had a very tame hurricane season, although parts of Texas are battling flooding from Erin, and I’m guessing that a few hurricane communicators are taking credit for at least some of the lack of destruction. Spirit Diva and pals are in Florida, but we are also fortunate enough to have a group centered in Texas, who were so very helpful when Hurricane Rita threatened us a couple of years ago. They were able to keep Rita from doing serious damage.

I do know this is not a good day to be in Jamaica or Cancun, and by Tuesday or Wednesday of next week it might not be all that good a day to be in Galveston either. Meanwhile, my fellow Houstonians are storming the stores and snatching up all of the bottled water, peanut butter, and D batteries, insuring that there won’t be anything left by the time The Rev and I get there. Oh, well. I’ve got better things to do than stocking up on provisions. I’ve got some snippet-sharing to do.

Bridging the gap between fact and fiction
I’m seeing more and more things that convince me of something I’ve been saying for many years now: new-age/New-Wage/self-help stuff is appealing for its entertainment value as much as for its potential to actually improve people's lives. Oh, sure, in these trying times people are frightened and uncertain, and many are facing money or health or relationship challenges, and all that. But I maintain that many folks, at least in the more affluent cultures, are also supremely bored with ordinary life. I think this was the case with Victorian spiritualism and occultism (which provided much of the modern groundwork for the New Age). And I believe it is the case today as well.

I see evidence of this ennui everywhere. I see it, for example, in the newest wave of Illuminati-conspiracy hysteria, which focuses on an Internet offering called Zeitgeist: The Movie. Zeitgeist: The Movie is nearly two hours of stuff you’ve probably heard before about the Illuminati, the New World Order, and more. You’d think they could come up with a better title than Zeitgeist… but I quibble. Fueling this newest wave of Illumi-noia is an email that is now making the rounds among the conspicuously enlightened and aggressively inspired crowd. Written with a passion bordering on hysteria, the message has a Ho’oponopono twist, the result of the writer having stayed up all night to finish reading Joe Vitale’s new book, Zero Limits.

If you would prefer a little bit of information along with your entertainment, check out the Illuminati perspective offered on the Skepdic site. And if someone forwards a copy of that earnest Zeitgeist-Zero email to you, I suggest answering with a restrained one-word reply: "Yawn."

Far more interesting to me than the ZZ-over-the-top email is a message that came to me yesterday via my favorite New-Wage spam service. This one provided yet more evidence that the gap between reality and sci-fi is ever narrowing. Generally my spam service sends me ads from various individuals and companies, but occasionally they will forward important Public Service Announcements. Um, make that "Planetary Service Announcements."

The PSA that most intrigued me came from one Michael Ellegion, a channeler who does "full-life readings for the Star People and the Lightworkers." Michael, who somewhat resembles a young Richard Simmons, apparently has full access to the Spiritual Hierarchy, which includes some of our favorite players, such as Lord Jesus The Christ; the Archangel Michael; Saint Germain; Zoser the Cosmic Physician of Light;, Voltra the Cosmic Psychotherapist; and, of course, Lord Ashtar, who is in charge of the Ashtar Command of the Galactic Federation. "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away…"

Ashtar is apparently the One who tipped off Michael Ellegion about the cause of a recent tragic event in the US.

Here, in part, is Michael’s PSA, which he desires to be widely distributed:

Minnesota Bridge Collapse Caused By Secret Government Acoustic Weapon – And E.T. Response & Intervention!
When the recent collapse of the Minnesota Bridge took place, and as an "open Channel" for the Higher Forces of Light, I will often receive telepathic comments and they Channel to me about what has "gone on behind the scenes" which the Corporate controlled media here in the U.S. will never mention. I wasn’t too surprised, when Ashtar, one of my main contacts from higher Realms, very briefly mentioned that this disaster was in fact caused by some type of "frequency or vibrational [acoustic-psychotronic] technology"--and that I would shortly be receiving more in-depth information concerning this fact.

Of course, I had assumed that this would come either in the form of some kind of "revelation" from someone who had connections with "shadow government" levels, as what is often referred to as "Intel black-ops" and/or more in-depth, channeled information from Ashtar and our Friends Upstairs who surround Earth in Guardian Action.

Also, since I knew that the Cosmic Elohim Masters of Light, many who are members of the Ashtar Command and the Universal Federation, had been recently clamping down upon the world power elite or the "puppet Masters" behind the scenes, by making it very clear to them that they were not going to allow anymore use of nuclear or biological weapons (see my other Posting, "E.T.’s Divine Intervention Stops Nuclear & Biological Attacks!") I knew that any form of technology that is destructive to nature and life on this planet, no matter what form that technology came in, would also ultimately be stopped and neutralized as well.

I, of course, was not specifically, consciously thinking about some of the more "exotic" forms of energy or acoustic, (also often referred to as "psychotronic") weapons systems, which I have actually studied quite in-depth for a number of years, partly because I had met literally dozens of former (and not so former) ex-intelligence agents, many who had been involved in the development of this very technology. In a few cases, I met some former "black-ops" who were actually involved in forms of "psychic assassination" in which the use of "psychic deadly force" was actually used--or rather ATTEMPTED--to be used against Lightworkers like myself, to do away with those of us whose missions are to help expose such types of technologies. This would help to eliminate them when more people became aware of their existence and how they have been used mostly for destructive-military utilization, such as control and manipulation of the population, whether it is in the form of weather modification, mind control, or in the physical destruction of life and the WEAKENING OF PHYSICAL OR MATERIAL STRUCTURES.

I knew personally, in a very horrific way, what these types of acoustic or psychotronic weapons systems are capable of doing to a person or a physical object. In my case, I have shared my experience that occurred in 1979 with others who have connected with me in personal Transformational Channeled sessions that I do for fellow Lightworkers, Star People, and thru my workshops and classes. In that experience the psych-ops targeted me with such a psychotronic weapon and literally ended up killing me by ripping the life force out of my body. Our Friends Upstairs physically beamed me up aboard one of the Merkabah Light Ships of the Ashtar Command, where they brought me back to life by putting the Life Force back in me.

There are no words that can describe how horrible this "spiritual violation" initially was when I was first suddenly being attacked, but I fell unconscious, and then died from this attack. The Higher Forces took me aboard and brought me back to life in the wonderful and exquisite, higher Dimensional Bliss of their very loving and healing presence. They very powerfully took away all my trauma and altered my own DNA/RNA so that I would not be as vulnerable to such an attack in the future. They explained the importance of the old adage, "God helps those who help themselves."

Turns out that the DNA alteration was not just to protect Michael from further attacks, but to aid him in performing a new type of channeled readings. His mission changed following his transformation; rather than doing the karmic types of readings for which he’d been trained, henceforth he was to protect and empower fellow Lightworkers/Volunteers who, like himself, were on missions to prepare the Earth for its Ascension. His new role is "Cosmic Telephone Line" or Deep Voice Channel, and his job is to do transformational readings that will pass on to others the psychic immunity that was given to him by those he refers to as "our Friends Upstairs."*

During his own transformational experience, Michael learned that Higher Beings are intervening in Earthly affairs:

While aboard this Merkabah Light Ship, I was informed that the Ashtar Command, while continuing to orbit Earth in Guardian Action, was also specifically monitoring all kinds of these exotic psychotronic and acoustic black-op technologies, and that eventually they would all be neutralized.

Under Federation policies the use of any weapons, whether it be nuclear, biological or types of energy technology, if used against life in destructive ways, they would be stepping in more and more to ultimately stop this technology from ever being used again.

To get back to this recent disaster of the Minnesota bridge collapse, it was not surprising, when a couple days later, a friend of mine, Patrick Hansen, who has helped sponsor me for workshops about the Spiritual Masters, sent me an e-mail, which did, specifically refer to this situation, regarding how and why the Minnesota Bridge was brought down by the shadow government with this more exotic form of energy weapon system, and I will now quote part of his e-mail, since it is quite interesting and confirms my initial Attunement from our Friends Upstairs...

The email in question quoted an article by noted alarmist Sorcha Faal. Here’s a link to the article.

Recently, Michael Ellegion received another channeled transmission from Lord Ashtar regarding the Minnesota bridge tragedy, and other tragedies that have made the headlines:

"Greetings in the Light of our Radiant One, this is Ashtar, wanting to not only confirm what you had been told very briefly the other day regarding the use of an acoustic energy system that was used and focused upon the Minnesota Bridge.

"But I want to also confirm, as you were feeling, Michael, that yes, the loss of life that did occur, would have definitely been much, much greater, had our own higher energy systems of Protection aboard the Merkabah Light Ships not been active. You have often referred to our ship’s "Holographic Crystal Computer hooked into the GodHead," that monitors and can in less than a millionth of a second (if it even takes that long!) go into an instant Activation and Protection sequence. This provides Divine Intervention to as many souls as possible, preferably to save their lives, or if their consciousness is not high enough on the ‘Energy-Consciousness Meter’, we at least will quickly free the soul from the physical body that is about to go thru horrific trauma in the next instant, which will allow them to pass from the physical world.

"As you know, this is the same system we used when we Divinely Intervened behind-the-scenes during 9-11, so that while we were able to physically beam up, aboard the Mothership, almost two thirds of those 3,000 people that were trapped within the two World Trade Buildings. However, for a little over a third of the people, it was necessary to just remove their souls from their physical bodies and we took up their etheric bodies instead, as each of the two buildings started to collapse. And, as you know were blown up from within, as an "inside job" by the shadow government/corrupt Bush administration, by therminite secretly placed there, being ignited. It was not the temperature of the jet fuel causing the extreme temperature levels or that the two remote controlled planes initially hitting the two towers, had caused them to collapse.

"As I Channeled to you about how we have been in Guardian Action around this planet for many years monitoring the actions of those in positions of power.

"We recently, one more time, stopped the launching of nuclear missiles, this time against Iran, as we also did with the earlier Intervention to stop any hostilities between India and Pakistan from engaging in such barbaric extremes while helping Overshadow the political tensions and diplomatic solutions were the outcome. So, too, we are making it very clear once more, that any--and we mean ANY TYPE of destructive use of weapons, whether it be nuclear, biological--or Energy weapon systems such as that which was targeted at the bridge, will not be tolerated--that type of technology also comes under Federation Laws, referred to as the Galactic Pacts. Such technologies as were used against the Minnesota bridge, especially when loss of life will be involved is specifically forbidden, and from now on, any attempt to use such technologies will have very instant "karmic repercussions" against those individual(s) who knowingly engage in such attempts.

"As we have stated many times, it is not we, the Guardians of Light, the Rainbow Warriors, who orbit around this planet in Guardian Action that will, ourselves, do anything personally as in ‘retaliation’ toward those forces who will ATTEMPT to use such destructive systems and energies against other forms of life. It is just that the way that the Creative Energy forces of the very universe itself, will not allow this activity or behavior to be engaged in. Such negative action causes a REACTION inherent within the very energies of life force that is in harmony to the Divine Creation itself, the Divine Blueprint of life, and such actions will be quickly neutralized.

"Those forces involved in such actions will be "Recycled thru the GodHead" so that they will no longer be able to interfere with the forces engaged in life enhancing behavior and that which is in harmony to all life.

"And finally, I wish to state, as mentioned earlier, there definitely would have been a much greater loss of life had we not Intervened, and we will continue to do so, as we get closer to what some have referred to as ‘First Contact’ or what I have always referred to as the ‘Secret Wave of Evacuation’ that sets in motion the other three following waves of Evacuation/overt planetary Divine Intervention. As I often mention to help remind those of you who I have also had the honor to Channel through, as I have this Channel, it is important to remember, you who are here in Earth embodiment as Volunteers on missions, are still members of our Highest Counsels, and your presence upon Earth is to also give us Authority, by your own awareness and knowledge of these hidden activities of the power elite.

The knowledge of their activities, we can always FORGIVE them for what they HAVE DONE, but we must not allow them to RUN RIPSHOD OVER YOU IN ANY FORM WHATSOEVER, NO MATTER WHAT THAT COULD OR MIGHT BE!!!!. It is truly time to put a halt to such destructive activities, and so it shall be.

"As I always emphasize, use your Inner Discernment, my brothers and sisters of Earth, listen to your I Am Presence. Know that your own wisdom and knowledge of these technologies and activities as THE GUARDIANS THAT YOU ALL ARE, and your petitions and votes through our Councils in turn give us GREATER AUTHORITY TO STEP IN-- EVEN IN THE MOST ‘MUNDANE" SITUATIONS AND BRING ORDER OUT OF CHAOS for all concerned. Blessings to you all! Stay alert, yes, be the Guardians of your Freedoms, as my friend, St. Germain often states. In so being, your responsible Light attunement transmutes the very attempts of such destructive behavior, and instead, evokes powerful life-enhancing solutions for the use of such technologies to only be used in healing--and Transformation will be the end result. Ashtar signing off. As always, Keep Your Eyes On the Skies! Adonai Vassu Berogus!"

Well, that’s comforting, isn’t it?

Or maybe it’s slightly disturbing, when you consider the fact that the people who believe in this stuff walk freely among us…

The game’s afoot
I keep getting these email ads for foot detox patches. I don’t know if the Universe is trying to tell me something or not, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay nearly thirty bucks for ten foot patches (MSRP is $29,95, though they’re available for $24.00 on Amazon). And that's not for ten pairs – it's for ten individual foot patches. At bedtime, you are supposed to stick them on the soles of your feet, which contain key reflexology points, and the pads draw toxins out of your body. When you take them off the next day, they’re supposed to be grossly but satisfyingly gunky. That gunk is all of the toxic residue that the patches sucked out of your body.

Naturally, some people are raving about these things. Others are more skeptical, such as this guy from Kansas who really wanted the pads to work.

Please, no testimonials. Every company in this business has plenty of those. But actual lab results? I have found none and I REALLY looked. And I REALLY wanted these to work to remove the toxicity that was causing me so much pain, but that was finally alleviated by a doctor diagnosing me with Wilson's Syndrome. [See my note below.~CC] I was put on armour thyroid. My metabolism began to work again and detox my body naturally. These pads are like many things. If they truly make you feel better then, by all means, use them. But I know of no scientific evidence that proves they draw out toxicity and I have simulated the process that generates the brown gunk you think is toxicity from your body. Take one pad and put a corner of it into salt water heated to body temperature. You'll have the brown gunk within minutes.

Granted, the American Thyroid Association has decided that Wilson's Syndrome is not in fact a real disease. But apparently this guy was helped by thyroid supplementation anyway. And his main point is certainly valid.

I particularly enjoyed a post from the blog of a skeptic in Southern Africa. The blogger was writing about a different brand of foot pads, but the claims are almost identical, and the makers apparently are advertising that their pads help boost the immune system as well. Given that the AIDS epidemic is nearly out of control in some parts of Africa, such claims go beyond being silly. They are, at best, egregiously irresponsible.

My initial thought was that the marketers of this nonsense assume that we are just gullible but the more I think about the hints about boosting your immune system the angrier I become. Don’t forget people like Mantho Tshabalala-Msimang, the Minister of Health in South Africa who recommends beetroot as a remedy for AIDS? It was also Tshabalala-Msimang who at one point circulated around her Ministry a pamphlet explaining how the CIA and aliens were behind the pandemic...

...Sometimes the detoxing we need is not of our bodies, but of our brains.

I know that numerous wholistic healers and chiropractors in the US are doing foot detox therapy on their patients these days, using not patches but a "spa treatment." The fact that the "spa" ends up full of gross gunk has apparently made true believers out of many. But I wonder if any of the patients who give glowing testimonials have asked to see studies or scientific data, or if they've asked if the chiro or other practitioner has experimented with immersing something – anything – besides a person's feet into the "spa treatment." My guess is that anyone who tried such an experiment would end up with a pan full of gunk similar to that resulting from soaking one's feet. I've seen the testimonials in which people swear that the gunk varies from person to person, so there has to be something going on... but whether what is going on is "detox" or just a thorough sole-cleaning remains to be seen.

Well, as long as it brings the money in...

This is satire?
Steve Salerno linked to this piece in The Onion. Like all good satire, this piece is nearly indistinguishable from that which it satirizes. This one describes hustledork culture in a nutshell. And it reminds me of what my friend Tony recently said about New-Wage hustledorks. He said that those who tell (possibly exaggerated) stories about how they were once poverty-stricken and homeless remind him of some rap stars who grew up in middle-class circumstances but tell contrived "tales from the hood" in order to gain street cred. These days, the life story you tell doesn’t have to be true – just marketable.

Still more Hustledork Cinema…
Speaking of Tony, he recently alerted me to both a moviemercial trailer and a discussion thread about said moviemercial. This moviemercial is apparently so bad that even some of the Secretrons find it distasteful.

At least this one, Pass It On, seems to have a marginally altruistic message, rather than merely encouraging narcissism and greed. Even so, it’s much ado about little, and the dancing at the end of the trailer is painful to watch. Very painful.

Well, that’s it for now. And isn’t that enough? I promised you snippets and gave you a great big heaping helping of New-Wage table scraps. You always get more than your money's worth here at Whirled Musings (though I suspect you could probably have done without the foot-patch bit). Anyway, the Rev and I are getting ready to pack it up and go spend the evening in the company of our dear friends Bill and Kathleen. See you tomorrow or Monday!

* I wonder if, by "our friends upstairs," Michael E. is referring to those bats in the belfry.

Magnum Dopus: Hustledork Cinema lives on

Okay, it's not The Secret that will give you the ultimate answers.

And it's not tapping, a la Emotional Freedom Techniques.

I've just found out about a movie that will finally tell you what will really, really work.

It's... it's.... it's.... The Opus, soon to be released on DVD and distributed on a web site near you. The Opus is the brainchild of a young New-Wage capitalist named Douglas J. Vermeeren. For anyone who thought the New Wage was the sole province of baby boomers, young Doug should put that thought to rest. Doug apparently has discovered the formula for success. He calls it the "Four P" formula, although in this interview on Canadian television he seems to mention more than four P's. (Initial mention of the the Four (or more)-P Formula occurs at about 3:38 in this clip.)

Here's The Opus main site.

And it wouldn't be truly New-Wage without a built-in money op. The good news is that you, too, can make a bundle from this great movie. At least you can make some money for its producers and "stars." In any case, it's for the higher good. Here's how to become a distributor.

But it's really not about the money. Okay, yes it is. But it's also about becoming "the best, biggest, most incredible, abundant and spectacular YOU possible." It is a "spectacular follow-up to the Law Of Attraction" that shows you, once and for all, how to turn your intentions into achievements.

It's truly "the next step."

Don't believe me?

Well, ask Secret star Joe Vitale.

Or ask another Secret star, John DeMartini.

Or ask Chicken Soup For The Soul co-creator Jack Canfield or his co-hort Mark Victor Hansen (he who was so rude to SHAMblog's Steve Salerno on TV a couple of years ago).

Would these fine folks lie to you?

But seriously, now, I really do have to wonder: where do these guys find the energy to get so over-the-top excited about EVERY new scheme that comes down the pike? And do they ever get burned out hearing themselves get so excited? More to the point: are they acting, or are they just on some really good drugs that I don't know about?

PS - If you listen to Mark Victor Hansen's plug, you might hear an unwitting hint that The Opus isn't the be-all and end-all after all. It sounds as if he starts off by saying, "Opus means "the penultimate..." Or maybe he said, "penultima," but that word means "the next to the last syllable in a word." So maybe he's just throwing words around because he thinks they sound impressive.

Tapping into a new money stream

The mega-hit infomercial The Secret has apparently started a trend in MLPs (movie-like products). Some declare this trend to be part of the new genre called Spiritual Cinema. But I call it Hustledork Cinema. There are, of course, certain fundamental differences between Hustledork Cinema and traditional cinema, the main one being that the end product is not a feature film with a plot and character development and all of that stuff, but a glorified infomercial – a moviemercial, if you will. And it generally doesn’t play at traditional movie venues, but is a straight-to-DVD product that costs considerably more than a movie ticket, even at today’s inflated prices.

It’s really not all that difficult to make a Hustledork Moviemercial. You simply take an idea or principle or technique – any idea or principle or technique, as long as it has to do with miracles and wonders and, of course, wealth beyond reason. Oh, and it should be based on an ancient secret, but with modern proprietary enhancements. Next you interview a passel of New-Wage hustledorks who have fake impressive credentials and are willing to enthusiastically endorse your idea. You either pay them up front or give them a cut of the action, directly or indirectly, and they’ll say anything you want them to say. They will earnestly describe, for example, how your idea or principle or technique can heal virtually every type of physical illness and emotional disorder, and make a person rich beyond his or her wildest dreams, and bring about world peace, and usher in a new era for humanity. Or they’ll tell moving stories about how they were once fat, homeless losers until they discovered your idea or principle or technique, put it to work in their lives, and became buff millionaires with a huge house (or several houses) and a stable of fancy cars.

Never mind that these same folks may have told the very same story, in a previous moviemercial, about how someone else’s idea or principle or technique was responsible for their astonishing success. The viewing public has a short memory.

Once you have your interviews, you edit out the boring parts, and then you string the interviews together with some breathy, sexy, or assertively sincere voice-overs. Throw in assorted whiz-bang special effects, and add some stirring, mystical-sounding music. And voila! – you got yourself your very own Hustledork Moviemercial. Pop a trailer on YouRube, spread the word virally, and you have an instant hit on your hands. Well, maybe. Tell everyone it’s a hit, anyway. (Note: You should also throw together a book that is based on your moviemercial.)

So what’s the difference between a moviemercial and a regular infomercial that anyone can watch for free on TV late at night? If you have to ask, you’re obviously not very enlightened. But...okay, since you ask, I'll tell you: Moviemercials have an uplifting message that mainly benefits the hustledorks who make them serves the higher good of humanity. And they cost $30.00, $40.00 or more. Sometimes much more.

While you’re planning your own overnight-hit product, I invite you to take a look at yet another new Hustledork Moviemercial, Try It On Everything, which was brought to my attention the other day. This one is all about tapping, which is part of a subtle energy practice called Emotional Freedom Techniques, or EFT. EFT, which was "discovered" by a guy named Gary Craig, is based upon an ancient Chinese tradition that Gary’s EFT site says is over 5,000 years old, but which the Try It On Everything trailer says is over 8,000 years old. The tradition in question is acupuncture, which in its present form is really only a little over 2,000 years old. But what are a few millennia here and there? In any case, EFT is sort of like acupuncture without needles. But don’t confuse it with acupressure, where you just press or squeeze the points in question. With EFT, you tap those points.

And tapping apparently works on everything, as the trailer indicates. Anyone with working fingers and a body can do it, and, if you’re to believe this trailer, just about everyone is doing it. There’s even some brief but not-to-be-missed footage of a few SNAGs (Sensitive New Age Guys) engaging in a "circle tap."

Try It On Everything features an impressive range of New-Wage hustledorks, several of whom were in The Secret. My pal Chris Locke of the Mystic Bourgeoisie blog describes them as "a real rogue’s gallery of dangerous fools." I wouldn’t go so far as to call most of them dangerous (although some of their followers are pretty suspect), but then again, I’m more of a Pollyanna than Chris is.

And apparently I’m more of a Pollyanna than some of my other buds are. Another pal, after viewing the trailer, wrote, "Holy f - - - - - g s - - t! Don't they put autistic kids in football helmets for doing things like this??? Man, this gives a new meaning when you call someone a ‘slapper.’"

After a little back-and-forth about this, another person who was in on the discussion wrote, "You folks need to quit making fun of things you know nothing about! I've been rubbing ... er... tapping it for well over 40 years now, and it still works like a charm! Well... most of the time, anyway. Maybe it would be better if I rubbed ... er ... tapped it several times a day, like I did as a teenager! :-)."

Obviously, these guys can’t wrap their minds around the exciting potential of tapping. Maybe they need to listen to Bob Proctor, one of the top science experts of our time. Scientist Bob says, "The electrical system in a person’s body would make the electrical system in a supercomputer look like an absolute toy." He goes on to talk about how cool it is that we can snap our fingers or clap our hands to turn our lights on, but, even more amazing, "you can do that with yourself!"

EFT is the bastard child of Thought Field Therapy (TFT), which was invented in 1981 by Gary Craig’s mentor, cognitive psychologist Dr. Roger Callahan. TFT and Dr. Callahan are still going strong; in fact, Dr. Callahan teaches TFT at all levels, including the most advanced level, Voice Technology Training, or VTT. Learning VTT will only set you back one-hundred grand, USD. But it will, according to Dr. Callahan, help decrease human suffering, so I'm sure it's worth every dollar. These days EFT is a whole thriving industry as well, as indicated on this web site and on the links that appear on its right-hand side. But Gary Craig remains the undisputed king of EFT. He has a few medical professionals in his corner, and legions of ordinary folks as well.

And here is something that’s really cool: EFT works on animals as well as people. You don’t even have to tap on the animal; you just tap on yourself. It works even if the animal is nowhere near you – even if it is halfway across the world. Here’s what the Little Big Cat site says:

Using EFT on animals is easy!

Contrary to what you might think, we don't actually tap on the animal. While animals do have meridians and points, the best way to do EFT for animals is by surrogate or proxy tapping. This means you tap on yourself to make the changes happen. This has significant advantages:

• You can tap any time, anywhere - you don't have to be near the animal.
• You can tap often more than an animal might tolerate.
• You can tap for wild animals, animals that don't belong to you, and animals that you may not otherwise be able to touch, such as birds and fish.

And here’s how you do EFT on an animal:

A. Focus Your Intention
Think about the animal and what specifically you would like to release, relax, soothe or change.

B. Make a Statement of Intent
Find a phrase or a sentence that describes the problem succinctly and clearly to you. You can say, "Sidney has this terrible allergy." or "Sam never stops barking." or, "This brown horse is distressed." if you don't know the animals' name. This is the main part of directing your attention to the problem.

C. The Set-Up
We surround the statement of intent with the words, "Even though (Sam) (is hyperactive), I deeply and profoundly love and accept (Sam)." It helps bring you closer to the animal for deeper changes and handles permission issues as well as having positive benefits for YOUR system.

D. The Full Opening Set-Up
Place your flat hand on your chest, either left or right, just above your heart. Wait until you can feel the warmth of your hand through your clothes, rub the hand round in a small circle, and say the opening statement which is the statement of intent inside the blessing: “Even though (insert name or description)(insert statement of problem), I deeply and profoundly love and accept (name or description)”...

But wait, there’s still more. Tapping is not just for emotional issues or physical illnesses in people and animals. You can tap your way to wealth too! Ask Joe Vitale, one of the stars of Try This On Everything and The Secret. On a recent blog post he wrote, "Sometimes you can do EFT on a belief and it will vanish like the wind." Naturally, he provided a link to more information about EFT, and it just happened to be a page describing one of his products, a "9-Point Quantum Tapping System." This is an EFT-related marketing scheme Joe is involved in with an enthusiastic young hustler named Brad Yates.

Apparently Brad is Joe’s secret weapon for manifesting cars, or at least Brad helped him manifest one of his BMWs. For quite some time now, Joe has had a web site promoting his own program on how to attract a new car. On that site, there’s a picture of Joe and his love Nerissa in front of one of Joe’s BMWs. The caption reads, "Joe and his brand-new 2005 BMW 645ci – a $90,000 luxury sports car he attracted!" The site goes on to describe Joe’s foolproof system for attracting a new car or a bundle of cash.

But that very same picture appears on Joe and Brad’s "9-Point Quantum Tapping System" site, and the caption reads, "Joe and his brand-new 2005 BMW 645ci – a $90,000 luxury sports car he attracted after a teleseminar with Brad Yates!"

Now, I realize you may have thought the Law Of Attraction, as taught in The Secret, was Joe’s secret weapon for successful car-attracting. Or maybe you thought it was Ho’oponopono (or "Ho Aponno Ponno," as the Try It On Everything web site would have it), which is the ancient Hawai’ian system for wealth, health, and everything else. But apparently that’s not the case. It seems that tapping, as taught by Brad Yates, was the real secret key.

Joe did admit on his original "Attract A New Car" site that he attracted his new BMW after going through a teleseminar (though on that site, he doesn’t mention Brad’s name). Actually, it seems that he really didn’t need the teleseminar, because he already had the car-attraction thing nailed, but never mind that little detail.

I had already used my system to attract 5 Saturns and my first BMW (a beautiful James Bond-ish Z3 sports car, which I still love).

But I also went through the teleseminar like everyone else and ended up attracting a brand new 2005 BMW 645Ci – a luxury sports car worth $90,000!!!

And on top of that, the car was made for me in Germany.

That’s right. I ordered the car to be built to my specifications.

You have to remember that I was the guy who was homeless at one point, who lived in virtual poverty for years. Today I’m ordering one of the greatest auto manufacturers in the history of the world to build a car for me – a car worth more than many people’s homes!!!

And how did Joe do this? He explains:

Basically, the answer is in correctly using the 5 step system introduced in my book The Attractor Factor – the very book that knocked Harry Potter off the #1 bestseller spot – twice -- in April, 2005.

When you correctly use the 5 steps, and ignore the voice of doubt in your head, you can create miracles.

I know it seems impossible to believe, but it’s true.

But it now appears that it wasn’t Attractor Factor principles after all, but a Brad Yates teleseminar, that led Joe to attract that $90,000.00 BMW. At least I think that’s what Joe and Brad are saying. I get confused by all of the different versions of these success stories. Anyway, Joe and Brad are now pushing their "Home Tapping System," based on EFT. It will allow you to tap away your negative beliefs about money, which will open the way to unlimited wealth, at least for Joe and Brad. Here’s how the magic works:

Most of us use a "Default Operating System." It's the system our parents gave us. And it's the one their parents gave them.

Unfortunately, it's a lie. A faulty system. A glitch in the matrix. One based on illusion, passed down from generation to generation.

What no one told you is that any disruptions that we experience in life are simply disruptions in the energy field. And once you create your "Abundance Operating System"... your energy field becomes 100% "optimized" for attracting money beyond belief! You literally "flip a switch" that tunes into a "wealth frequency"... that just can't be stopped!

Naturally, this all has to do with quantum physics (well, doesn’t everything?):

You see, Quantum Physics tells us that everything in the universe is really just "pockets" of energy that flash on and off. What's more, all of these little packets are mere potentials.

And money is no different. It only exists as a potential form of energy. And if your beliefs don't allow that potential to occur...

Well, it doesn't matter how many self-help or success programs you try, because...

As long as your energy system blocks the potential to attract wealth... you'll never actually create it!

And it only takes five minutes and forty-nine seconds of effort per day to unblock your energy system and open the way to all of that wealth. There’s even a money-back guarantee if the 9-point Quantum Tapping System doesn’t utterly erase all of your negative beliefs about money.

As you might expect, the skeptics have weighed in on the TFT / EFT issue, tying to rain on the parades of the hopeful, as they always do. For example, Skepdic says this about EFT inventor Gary Craig:

It apparently did not occur to Gary that maybe he had tapped into the placebo effect or the power of suggestion. He may even be using cold reading techniques without being aware of it. Why accept simple psychological explanations when a complex mystical one is available?

Of course, the gimmick wouldn't be complete if Gary didn't remind us that he knows about ancient wisdom…

And the fuddy-duddies at Skeptical Inquirer put in their two-cents’ worth too:

Despite extraordinary claims to the contrary, TFT is not supported by scientific evidence… Many of the practices of TFT proponents are much more consistent with pseudoscience than science. Controlled studies evaluating the efficacy of TFT will be required for the treatment to be taken seriously by the scientific community.

Even a social-work journal piped in:

"Rituals have always been used to provide us comfort, and these manualized, ritualistic things fill a very interesting need," says [Richard Gist, PhD, of the University of Missouri-Kansas City]. "Market them, package them with a little bit of scientism, and they seem quite remarkable, especially to the desperate and gullible. It’s nice to be able to learn things with no more than a weekend of color slides and hyperbole, especially when it doesn’t even require you to take a test. They claim that TFT also works with cats and dogs." Pausing to reflect, Gist adds, "We seem to have a lot more interest these days in the package and less interest in the content…"

Well, I say fooey to all those naysayers. I’m going to go do a little EFT on Rex The Farting Dog, the 135-pound Rottweiler-Doberman-Black Lab mix who lives with Ron and me. I’ve focused my intention, have made a statement of intent, and am now preparing to set up: "Even though Rex farts, I deeply and profoundly love and accept Rex."

But just in case the tapping doesn’t work, y’all can do some Ho’oponopono cleaning on this problem too, now that you know about it. And with Rex being such a large dog, it is a huge problem – a mighty wind, as it were – so get busy, okay? If it works, we can make a moviemercial about it.

PS - In case you're not getting really good results with Ho'oponopono, you might try looking into Boto'o'popopopo, the ancient Hawai'ian secret that was taught to me by the great teacher Dr. Ihavascama Fer Yew.

The King of cosmic wisdom

The subject line in the email read: "Blessed is the Great Being Known as the Galaxy." The body of the email elaborated on this Great Being: "It lives, It breathes, It thinks, It feels pain, It meditates, It rubs the lotion on Its skin!"

All right, there was nothing about lotion. But I just can’t seem to get that song out of my head.

This bit of wisdom about the Galaxy – along with many other spiritual truths – came from Jesus H. Christ Himself, who, as an extension of his original Sermon On The Mount, revealed it to a man on another mountain in 1958 C.E. The man was the late Dr. George King, founder of an international metaphysical organization called The Aetherius Society. The mountain was in the United Kingdom instead of Galilee.

Dr. George King (I’m not sure what sort of "doctor" he was) was born in Shropshire, England in 1919. Fairly early in life, he discovered that traditional Christianity didn’t have answers for all of his questions, and he turned to psychic-phenomena research and, later, yoga. For ten years, he practiced yoga for eight to twelve hours a day until, according to his bio page, he became a "Knower." (Not to be confused with a "Goer," nudge-nudge, wink-wink.)

At some point he decided his mission was to help raise humanity from its ignorance and suffering. But he wasn’t quite sure how to do it. And then, and then…

…his life's mission became apparent on May 8, 1954. Alone in his London apartment, a loud physical voice delivered the following Command:

"Prepare yourself! You are to become the voice of Interplanetary Parliament."

He was initially shocked by the implications of this statement. It came out of the blue without warning or explanation. All he knew with his mastery over terrestrial phenomena was that what he had heard, he had heard.

And doesn’t it always begin with the voices in one’s head? If you’re really lucky, you get to see bodies with your voices.

"From the moment of the Command all Dr. King's personal business ambitions were abandoned as the information from the Space Intelligences grew in importance and urgency," says the web site. Indeed, that voice in his apartment was just the beginning.

A few days later he was visited by a world-renowned Yoga Master whom he knew to be alive and active in India at that time. This Master, in every way physical, entered and left through a locked door that he did not open.

During the meeting, Dr. King was given a series of highly specialized exercises enabling him to bring about a state of consciousness necessary for the establishment of mental rapport with the Cosmic Masters who inhabit the higher planes of other planets.

In the previous ten years Dr. King had become a Master of Raja, Gnani, and Kundalini Yoga - able to attain the elevated state of conciousness known as Samadhi. It was for this reason that the Cosmic Masters of the Solar System began to use him as "Primary Terrestrial Mental Channel", in order to give their message to Earth.

Dr. King formed The Aetherius Society in 1955, under the direction of the ET’s, of course, and over the years attracted a legion of suckers seekers. He knew that because he had been chosen by the Cosmic Masters (who are apparently wiser and more evolved than mere Ascended Masters), he was to spend his life trying to find new ways to help the human race evolve. "He quickly learned that the most efficient and powerful means to help our civilization is through powerful worldwide karmic manipulations," explains the web site. "He called these operations Cosmic Missions." Here you see a picture of Dr. King and his Mantra Team manipulating karma by directing energy into a "prayer energy battery."

Needless to say, being the voice of Interplanetary Parliament is a big job, but fortunately Jesus, aka "The Master Jesus," aka "the Cosmic Avatar of Love," was around to help. Master Jesus delivered a Cosmic Concept to Dr. King via a series of twelve Cosmic Transmissions, aka the Twelve Blessings.

The Cosmic Concept as given by the Master Jesus…

…This is an unparalleled text of mystic teachings for the New Age which go beyond his previous teachings, to include a cosmic concept, and constitute a practical and potent method of service in these days.

"The Twelve Blessings" is designed as a potent spiritual practice for all serious students in these vitally important days.

Naturally, the Twelve Blessings are available as a book and various audio products.

As you read through the text or listen to the transmissions themselves, you will see that the Blessings and prayers are not limited to the people on Earth, but reach out to the sun, and beyond into our Universe and to The Creator Itself.

Although Dr. King passed away in 1997, the Aetherius Society lives on. There are two headquarters, one in London and one, not surprisingly, in Hollywood. If I were you, I’d pay close attention to what these nutcases wise and knowledgeable folks are saying. For example, they believe in a prophecy that was delivered to Dr. King in 1958 by "a spiritually evolved extraterrestrial known as a Lord of Karma." The prophecy came to Dr. King on a mountain called Brown Willy, which is one of the Holy Mountains of the world. (Mount Shasta, alas, is not, which will probably come as a shock to many of the people who send me emails via my favorite New-Wage spam service.)

Anyhow, this prophecy concerns The Next Master, who will appear on Earth when the time is right.

There will shortly come Another among you.

He will stand tall among men with a shining countenance. This One will be attired in a single garment of the type now known to you. His shoes will be soft-topped, yet not made of the skin of animals.

He will approach the Earth leaders. They will ask of Him, His credentials. He will produce these.

His magic will be greater than any upon Earth - greater than the combined materialistic might of all the armies. And they who heed not His words, shall be removed from the Earth.

No one on Earth knows the time that The Next Master will appear; it’s up to the Lords of Karma to decide. The only thing that is clear is that he (and yes, it will be a "he") will be wearing a one-piece, wrinkle-resistant spacesuit (which is the "single garment" referred to in the prophecy). And great changes will occur when he comes.

The coming of this great Avatar, will be a pivotal point in the New Age. After his coming, those who are not ready to go forward into the era of Light - the New Age - will slowly be removed from the Earth to be reborn on another less evolved planet. They will then continue to learn through experience, only under much more difficult conditions than are now present on Earth. All who are ready will stay upon Earth and join together to build for themselves the much prophesied New Age.

I know, I know; you’ve heard similar prophecies before. But at least the Aetherius Society version doesn’t involve burning in Hell for eternity if you don’t accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior, although that less-evolved planet does sound a bit like a living hell, now that I think about it. Even so, in the Dr. King version of the prophecy, you get ET’s and crazy people, so it trumps those other prophecies in entertainment value if nothing else.

So what can you do to prepare for this great Avatar? According to the Aetherius Society web site, "It is important for all New Age workers, no matter where they are, or what name of God they follow, to redouble their efforts now during this crucial time, in order to help pave the way for the coming of this next Avatar." In other words, smoke it if you’ve got it. I’m thinking, though, that mushrooms might be even more effective for helping conjure Avatars. So…bring on the New Age already!

Another snipe-and-run day

I can't believe it's been a whole friggin' week since I've blogged. This is going to be one of those snippet days, but I promise I’ll be back soon with something more substantial (or at least as substantial as things get on this blog).

YouBoob
I’ve probably been wasting way too much time watching online videos when I should be working, but I bet you have too, so I don’t feel so bad. People are always sending me links to must-see videos, and these often get me sidetracked in a search for related stuff, and before I know it, hours have passed.

F’instance, last week someone sent me a link to this video of a guy taking a bubble bath while getting all in a lather about some spiritual stuff. Bubble Guy is one Jonathan Orchard, a former rock star who now teaches yoga in Scotland's Findhorn Community, home of the fabled Findhorn Garden. (Even though I have a black thumb and zero interest in gardening, it was, oddly enough, the miraculous story of the Findhorn Garden that really got me interested in New-Age stuff many years ago. For years I searched for, and occasionally convinced myself that I saw, the nature devas in glints of sunlight and the shadows of trees. But keep in mind that I was drinking heavily in those days.)

Anyway, I forwarded the link to the bubble bath video to my pal Tony, and he said it sort of put him in mind of a scene from The Silence Of The Lambs. That prompted me to do a little Googling, and I came across a music video, several years old, that was inspired by the Lambs scene Tony mentioned. I am apparently one of the last people on the planet under the age of 80 who hadn’t discovered this video by the Chicago group The Greenskeepers, but better late than never.

But I digress. There really is a lot of spiritual and metaphysical stuff on YouTube. It's not all lonelygirl15 or Smosh episodes, movie trailers, music videos, and candid footage of spoiled little drunk gals. As it happens, many YouTubers are into powerfully intending and manifesting and things like that, thanks to The Secret, Abraham-Hicks, etc. So it was only a matter of time before someone came up with the idea of adding a new way to manifest your dreams: make a movie about them, and put it on YouTube! And I have to say it’s a pretty cool idea. Why limit yourself to vision boards – you know, cutting pictures out of magazines and making collages about your ideal life – when you can turn your wishes, hopes, and dreams into a little movie that you can inflict on an unsuspecting world?

"But, Cosmic Connie, I don’t know the first thing about making movies!" you might be protesting. Well, I have good news for you. There is a new product called Mind Movies that has everything you need to make your own movie. You hardly have to do a thing. Want a McMansion, a dream vacation, the obligatory sleek red sports car, or even a better-looking group of friends than your current crop of loser pals to envy all of your new stuff? As long as you have $27 USD, you've got it all! Well, at least you have a way to make a Mind Movie about it all. And what’s even better is that the Mind Movies company has an affiliate program, so you can become an annoying MLM person, much like the Aussie hustledork in the intro video on the Mind Movies home page. What a deal!

Condescension noted
The arguments about the Law Of Attraction rage on, with pro-LOA-ers pitted against "The Naysayers." On a recent discussion on Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale’s blog, a guy named Carl, who apparently really, really likes Joe, weighed in with his thoughts. Carl had just bought Joe’s new book, Zero Limits, which I wrote about at length recently. He was only about halfway through the book but was pretty excited about it. Here's what he had to say, in part:

…everything began with the Source.

This is Quantum Ontology. Everything is connected because it all came from source. Therefore, it is Source. And the Source is conscious. Consciousness creates reality. We are conscious, because we are of source.

Everything that exists is actually conscious!

We can attract things or repel them, or the other way around… things can attract and repel us!

Gravity is a good example. The critics love to use this one…

Earth was created by or came from Source, we were created by Source to live on this planet. The earth attracts us to itself by the law of attraction because of mass. The other planets and the sun attract to each other in a harmonious balance.

All you have to do is study gravity, mass and weight; and the relationship between gravity, mass and distance. Note that the force never becomes zero no matter how far you travel...

Everything attracts…because it’s connected. It came from source and is connected to source. It all starts at Zero.

Gravity’s behavior is actually a proof that the Law of Attraction is real, but the critics can’t see past their learned ignorance.

De docta ignorantia…

And someone named Christina responded:

Carl I love your energy. Because we are all connected then, critics have much to teach us even if they are… "unconscious"…No doubt Joe would attract many critics for all different reasons too…. they know they are connected "unconsciously" but can’t quite "get it" so they do what they have been unconsciously programmed to do… To me Joe is like a gardener planting seeds ….

Hey what a wonderful garden!!!!!Can’t wait to see those flowers bloom….in their own time. Sadly some buds may not open. [eyeroll emoticon] But perhaps we can help a long the way - lets keep watering…[smile emoticon]

So, all of us who don’t buy into the Law Of Attraction, as taught in The Secret, can rest easy. We aren’t bad people; we’re just "unopened buds." But maybe if the pro-LOA-ers keep fertilizing…er…watering…us, we’ll "open up." Meanwhile, I guess the best that we unopened buds can do is to keep "teaching" even if we are totally lacking in consciousness. I don’t know how we even get up in the morning…

Why we can’t fly
And speaking of gravity and the Law Of Attraction…

Just about everyone has fantasized and dreamed of flying, and it sometimes seems a cruel joke that we can’t. Well, now I have a better understanding of the true reason we can’t. It’s not because we lack wings and feathers and hollow bones and other attributes possessed by our avian friends. My ever-vigilant pal Tony found a scintillating debate on The Secret discussion forum last week that gives insight into the real reason we can’t fly.

According to some of the discussion participants (a few of whom seem to have trouble grasping the concept that the Harry Potter books are fiction), the problem is that too many of us believe in the Law Of Gravity, which prevents us from flying. The cumulative effect of that limiting belief is a limiting reality that keeps the whole darned human species grounded. Darn those naysayers!

Dreaming-Bear redux
Hawai’ian Week, which turned out to be more than a mere week, may be over, but I can’t get the Aloha State out of my mind. So consider this a Hawai’ian moment.

I recently received an email from a person who’d read my post about the poseur-mystic Dreaming-Bear , aka "The Kissing Prophet" – author, poet, performance artist, ordained shaman, multi-denominational minister, faux-Native American, and college professor – who now makes his home on Maui. Dreaming-Bear, not to be confused with the Travelodge® mascot Sleepy Bear, isn't actually Hawai'ian; these days he's claiming to be part Cherokee and part Palestinian. He says he's raising money to send to certain Palestinian organizations...um, I mean, to his family members who are wasting away in some Palestinian refugee camp. But he has a definite Hawai'i shtick along with his fake-Indian /soulful poet routines.

My correspondent, who says he knows Dreaming-Bear, sent me some totally gratuitous gossip, which he gave me permission to pass along. Keep in mind that I have not verified these items independently, on account of the fact that I am too busy, too lazy, and not a real journalist. So, again, this is just gossip. I am always open to hearing from pro-Dreaming-Bear factions, including Dreaming-Bear himself.

Apparently Dreaming-Bear is not above making up stories about his past in order to get laid to impress the impressionable. Among some of the tidbits my correspondent shared:

• In his speech class he made people buy his books and gave them tests such as "What happened to Dreaming Bear on page 5?" He was asked to leave Long Beach State after he was having students call people anonymously and say, "What if you died today? Would you have done everything you wanted?" Bad move for extra credit!
• He was going about 25 miles an hour when he got in his famed "motorcycle accident," and the bike didn't burst into flames; it [sort of] just fell over.
• Two years ago this guy didn't even claim he was Native American. He was claiming he was from Lebanon and listening to 2Pac.
• Dreaming Bear was living in his ex-girlfriend’s garage without her knowing it and got her kicked out of her apartment. Apparently he had told her that he was "storing things there." I guess he forgot to tell her his body was one of them.

Again, that is unsubstantiated gossip, but I thought I would pass it along. It somehow seemed like the right thing to do.

On a related note, I ran across something interesting in my Googling; it appeared to be a message board for one of the college courses Dreaming-Bear was teaching a couple of years ago. It seems to have been a pretty challenging course, if the first assignment was any indicator:

From: Dreaming-Bear (Original Message) Sent: 7/13/2005 11:03 PM

Your first assignment is to create a profile for yourself on this homepage. Your profile should include a digital photo, an active email address, & a phone number you can be reached at. You will also want to create the profile under your new Nickname. If you complete all this by the next class period you will have gotten an A on this assignment. It is my complete honor to be your teacher for the next several weeks. Let’s take this opportunity to discover TURTH [sic]!

Pretty clever way to troll for dates, D-B! (Nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say no MORE!)

By the way, it seems that the person who takes most of those sexy pics of D-B is the aggressively sincere-looking Richard Marks, M.A., Life Coach/Counselor/Media Producer. He’s actually a pretty good photographer, despite his taste in subjects, but he’s ever so much more than a shutterbug. If you’re ready to realize your heart’s highest dream, Dick is there to help you.

I am ready to be that ally who will be side your side, walking step by step with you until your dream is birthed with all its power and beauty into this world.

I have recently begun intensive studies with Dr. John Demartini from The Secret…

Throughout my life as an artist, coach and counselor, I have focused extensively on studies of Creative Process…

I am quite excited and inspired by my most recent creative endeavor, which is the collaboration on a DVD of sacred poetry with the illuminated mystic poet, Dreaming Bear Kanaan.

It just doesn’t seem fair that Maui has all of that sexy, creative, mystical talent, does it? But really, if you’re interested, I’m sure there’s enough Dreaming-Bear to go around. I’ll pass, though.

Utah: it’s not just for Mormons any more
"Become a Person of Power!" announced the email that I received from my favorite New-Wage spam service recently. "Integrate & Manifest the Power as you live life in the Modern World. Make the work of Ceremonialist, Healer, Psychic, and Teacher your work in the world!"

The message concerned a comprehensive program that includes just about everything a person needs to be a Person Of Power, including:

• DNA Activation & Reading [Prerequisite is Brain Cell Deactivation]
• Advanced Channeling & Evocation Skills
• Etheric Healing
• Exorcism
• Cord Cutting [Placenta cookery lessons available at extra cost]
• Elemental Alchemy & Wicca
• Laying on Stones [Not to be confused with lying around stoned]
• Oracle Training

And it all takes place not in Sedona or Taos or Maui or Boulder or Mt. Shasta or India or Egypt, but, of all places, in Brigham City, Utah. A woman named Laurie Secrist Gudnason, who runs the Rocky Mountain Mystery School, is the teacher.

It is amazingly inexpensive to become a Person Of Power:

3 Degrees of Initiation are Included
$1500.00 Initial Fee
$333 Annual Ceremonial Fee
$1500 Graduation Fee

Payment Plan: $150 monthly for 22 months
$333 Ceremonial Fee Annually paid at the 1st class

Graduation will take place within 18 months to 3 years.

There's an upcoming event that takes place from August 16-19 at the Triolite Center in Brigham City. You can register online at www.7thmystery-products.com. Just think what "graduate of The Rocky Mountain Mystery School" will look like on your C.V. It just may be even more impressive than a phony Ph.D. from a prestigious metaphysical university system. I guess the real "mystery" is why people still believe in this stuff, and, what's more, pay good money to learn more about it.

Well, that’s it for now. I hate to snipe and run…but I promise to be back soon.