Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Friday, March 09, 2007

Mea culpa, mea culpa

The more I learn about The Secret, the more deeply ashamed I feel. I have been so wrong about the motives of the wise and wonderful people who created and starred in that great infomercial. First off, I have it on good authority, though I’ve yet to see last night’s Larry King Live show, that some of the teachers from The Secret did a darned good job of answering all those bothersome naysayers who have been trying to hold humanity back by criticizing The Secret. And I understand that Larry asked the teachers some pretty tough questions! I hear that he even gave some air time to the Dark Side, in the form of a mental-health professional who suggested that The Secret might be harmful in some cases.

Yet the masters were up to the challenge, and from what I understand, they pretty much put to rest any objection people might have about the glorious teachings that were brought to a waiting world by Rhonda Byrne. In fact, one of the masters was so elated over the LKL triumph that he later celebrated by dining on garlic-flavored condoms at a trendy LA restaurant.

And then today, one of my new friends* sent me a link that erased all doubts about the motives of the masters in The Secret. Apparently three of those teachers care so passionately about my well-being that they have banded together with a brand new program to help me get rich. All I have to do is pay them $1,995 USD (actual value $3000!) and I’ll be on Easy Street. I am just astounded that these good-hearted men would allow me access to all of their amazing "secrets behind The Secret" for such a low price. Who says they’re only about making money for themselves?

I must admit this took me by surprise. Of course, if I’d had Blair Warren’s gift, I might have foreseen such a program. But I had no idea. I find myself thinking now of Jody Foster's words during that emotional scene in the movie Contact, as she tearfully beholds the unspeakable beauty and grandeur that has just been revealed to her: "I had no idea. I had no idea. I HAD NO IDEA!"

I am similarly awestruck.

And I find myself sinking into ever-deeper levels of remorse, and yet at the same time rising up to new heights of unspeakable awe, as I learn more about the good-hearted Rhonda Byrne, creator and producer of The Secret. That same friend who sent me the link to the altruistic Secret program mentioned above also sent me a link to a page on Marcy From Maui’s Powerful Intentions Forum. I have blogged about Marcy and her PI community on a few occasions. Well, I was apparently wrong about several points. For one thing, in one of my posts I said that even though Marcy seems to be a big Rhonda fan, Rhonda hasn’t actually contributed all that much to Marcy’s forum.** But I was wrong! Rhonda has a whole big page on the PI web site, on which she shares her grand vision for The Secret. I won’t copy and paste the whole thing, but here are some highlights:

From the moment of discovering The Secret, my vision and my "powerful intention" was that it would bring joy to billions around the world! I knew that the way would be made for this vision to be realized…without a shred of doubt in my being…

I dreamt and knew that The Secret will be in every school and every library across the planet.

I knew any appearance of barriers would dissolve and I trusted that "a way will be made". The universe delivered a sharp blow to me when I tried to tell it the order of these mediums, and so I graciously let go of trying to control that, and then the avalanche began in the Divine Order of the Universe.***

I saw the seas part. I saw all paths open before me, both the ones I knew and others that were delivered to us…

I declared for those who could not afford The Secret, every path will open and I will be shown the way for them to receive it.

Today we are being inundated with requests from hospitals, universities, doctors, schools, health clubs, churches, corporate organizations and companies wanting to share The Secret with thousands. We have people and organizations in poverty stricken countries asking if they can broadcast The Secret to millions....

The Secret has behind it the mightiest force and the greatest intention. It is for the One, the All. It is a film sending out a message of pure love and joy..........being delivered to billions.

And so it will be done, on Earth.

Joy to you all, Rhonda

By the time I reached the end of that missive, tears**** were streaming down my face.

I am truly humbled.

But wait, there’s more! That very same friend who sent me those links also sent me a link to a brand new book that I promise will change your life as it did mine. It will take you far above and beyond even the grandest hallucinations visions of Rhonda Byrne. You may think that’s not possible. But then, you haven’t read the free ebook, The Super Dooper Dooper Secret!

And I really think you should.

PS - If you liked that free ebook, and you like me for suggesting it, please send me my favorite gift, money. If you send cash, any denomination of US currency will do so long as it features a portrait of Benjamin Franklin, one of history’s most famous users of the Law Of Attraction. Or better yet, just send me a money order in any increment of $100.00 USD that you feel guided to send. The Universe wants you to do this.

PPS - This just in: Here is the transcript to last night's Secret infomercial on Larry King Live.

* And when my friend sent me this link, he implied that if I didn’t blog about it he might come and take my salad fork away. So… do I get to keep my fork, T?
** By the way, some of the members of Marcy’s Powerful Intentions Forum seem to be a bit shocked and dismayed that The Secret is associated with MLM programs. Some of these folks are genuinely surprised about this. Maybe these people should have been reading Blair Warren’s blog, or…um…perhaps they should have just been paying attention to the hype that’s been on about a million pro-Secret web sites since months before the DVD even came out.
*** With a little help from some aggressive viral marketing
**** Of laughter

Labels: , ,

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Connie ... Your salad forks are safe. But let this be a warning: if you should ever get lax on your appointed duties as stellar satirist of all things new agey and hokey, then you shall know my wrath when you one day awaken and all the twisty-ties that are packaged with your garbage bags have been taken from you - and that will happen on garbage day no less! < maniacal laughter > Ah - ha ha ha ha! < /maniacal laughter > *cough cough*

Have fun ... Tony.

Saturday, March 10, 2007 2:49:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thanks, Tony. But I think I'm safe on both counts. Not only do I intend to continue my satirical efforts, but I use the kind of garbage bags that have their own built-in ties. Anyhoo, I appreciate your support!

Saturday, March 10, 2007 3:37:00 PM  
Anonymous freedumb2000 said...

Wow, and you'd think any of these 3 guys should be filthy rich by now with all there other scams. This sems to be the pinnacle of greed. The best of New Age mambo jumbo packed with the best pyramid scheme. Lovely!

Sunday, March 18, 2007 6:39:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thanks, FD2000. You're right about the Three Amigos of The Secret being filthy rich -- particularly Canfield, with his large stake (or should I say "large spoon?") in the Chicken Soup franchise.

But wealth is only relative. We look at their wealth and think, "They're rich enough." They look at their wealth and think, "There's always more!" Perhaps they assuage any twinge of conscience they might feel by assuring themselves that they are spreading the wealth to others, or at least spreading an opportunity for wealth...but you and I know better. So do a lot of other folks who have seen this crass MLM scheme for what it is. Even some die-hard "Secret" fans are disgusted with what Canfield, Proctor and Beckwith are doing.

But I'm sure some folks have already whipped out their credit cards. And I am equally certain that all of the "Secret" stars -- not just the Three Amigos -- are going to keep on milking Rhonda Byrne's cash cow for all it's worth till the next big breakthrough comes along.

Sunday, March 18, 2007 10:37:00 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home