Today's antipasto

I’m putting the finishing touches on a looooooong post (can’t tell you about it right now; it’s a Secret), but for now, here are some little snark bites to munch on while you’re waiting for the main course.

A vision of utmost Clara-ty:
an (imaginary) star is born
About a week and a half ago one of my vigilant email pen pals alerted me to a thread on the official Secret forum. It was started by a woman named Kat, who describes herself as a survivor of child abuse. ("I have known this all my life, I just couldn’t see the answer. I live my life by the secret, every day, every minuet (sic).")

Kat began the thread by describing a spirit guide who’d been coming to her all of her life, a female entity she has recently determined is named "Clara." So far the ensuing discussion on the Secret forum has dragged on for eleven pages (!), and not ONE person that I can see has even questioned the existence of "Clara." Instead they’re coming to Kat with their own stories and their questions for her and Clara.

And now Kat and Clara have moved on. After bestowing some wisdom on other gullibles – and revealing to a few forum members the names of their own spirit guides – Kat and Clara are now focusing on building their own web presence. Other forum members are still coming forth with questions, but Kat and Clara have "left the building" (their words, not mine). Still, Kat’s powerful intentions remain on her forum profile page:

• To spread the word of CLARA.
• To speak the truth of the LOA to as many people as I can.
• To teach what I am being taught.
• To be wealthy in every aspect of my life.

With any luck Clara will be able to help her with all of those, particularly that last one.

If you look at how this evolved, you’ll see that Kat, though she may be an amateur, is handling the whole thing like an imaginary-friends industry pro. First she played the "reluctance and disbelief" card. Then as she became heartened by the encouragement of others – the awe, the sympathy, the questions – she grew ever stronger in her conviction that "Clara" is real. And now she’s ready to strike out on her own, dispensing "Clara’s" wisdom to a much wider audience.

And a star is born. Maybe. Hey, it worked for Esther and Jerry!

How to attract checks
I just saw a post on Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale’s blog about attracting big checks. Apparently taking a cue from The Secret’s magic Universal Check gimmick, a woman who attended a recent seminar (that was put on by one of Joe’s buds) handed Joe a phony check.

If you want, she’ll give you a phony check too. It will help you attract the real thing. Thinking about getting checks in the mail will help too, of course – in fact, it's necessary – but having a genuine phony check in your hand will presumably prod The Universe to get off its lazy butt and bestow the real thing upon you sooner.

Hey, don’t scoff. Thinking about getting checks in the mail worked for Aussie Secret star David Squirmer Scammer Schirmer, who famously said, in The Secret:

When I first understood The Secret, every day I would get a bunch of bills in the mail. I thought, "How do I turn this around?" The law of attraction states that what you focus on you will get, so I got a bank statement. I whited out the total, and I put a new total in there. I put exactly how much I wanted to see in the bank. So I thought, "What if I just visualized checks coming in the mail?" So I just visualized a bunch of checks coming in the mail. Within just one month, things started to change. It is amazing; today I just get checks in the mail. I get a few bills, but I get more checks than bills.

Start ’em young
I didn’t know whether to laugh or shudder when I read this comment to a recent post on the aforementioned Joe Vitale’s blog:

If we are to change the world we need to focus on our children. The Secret and Pass it On should be a part of the curriculum of every school in the country. Every child should know Anthony Robbins, Joe Vitale, and all of the greats!… I guess the school systems think it’s more important to learn that an earthworm has eight hearts!!!! I just don’t understand!!!

Yeah, why focus on boring, unimportant stuff like science – when there’s magical thinking to be learned!

Don’t make me get out my whip!
And finally, I was very pleased by Jody Radzik’s description of me as "the whipping mistress of the New-Wage," from this recent post on his Guruphiliac blog.

That’s it for now, Dear Ones. I’m getting the big whips ready for the next post (a whipping post, as it were?)…