Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Monday, February 05, 2007

Peter’s big release

The emails from Peter started coming in, via my favorite New-Wage spam email service, while the Rev and I were still on the road to Montana. The first message was dated Friday, January 19, 2007. (This apparently wasn’t the first message Peter had sent, but it was the first one I received.) "Please read this message in its entirety to learn more about the life-changing system that I will be revealing on Tuesday, January 23," Peter implored. "That e-mail is one you’re definitely not going to want to miss. I will be revealing a new technology that will improve EVERY aspect of your life very quickly, as you apply a simple technique from which you will see INSTANT *verifiable* results."

He continued, "It is a complete system that includes a ‘mind freedom’ course that is literally PRICELESS."

And then came the clincher: "I believe it is the LAST COURSE you will ever need."

I would have been pretty excited by that last statement alone, and it would surely have been an excitement surpassing even the thrill of all the beautiful mountain scenery unfolding before my eyes, if I’d had a smaller brain if not for the fact that I didn’t actually see the email till January 26, the day after I got home. By then the lovely mountains were behind me (or, actually, way up to the North of me), and I could give my full attention to my in-box.

It was then that I got a retrospective of the unfolding drama Peter had single-handedly created during the week surrounding my birthday. I cannot help but think that the Universe had a special reason for Peter’s choice of this special time to reveal his exclusive offer to the world.

In that initial email, Peter asked, "Are you frustrated with self-help and goal-setting systems, courses, techniques and methods that don’t work, or don’t work well for very long? If you’ve ever tried to make lasting changes to your subconscious programming through the various means available such as the Silva Method, huna, NLP, hypnosis, EFT and other energy-based psychologies, breathwork, etc, and still find that you have not seen the lasting changes you were hoping to see, then...please check your email on Tuesday, January 23."

Peter informed me that this would be an exclusive offer for subscribers to the spam service only. I felt enormously privileged, and couldn’t wait to read more, particularly since Peter implied that this big breakthrough offered a way out of fear and worry, guilt and regret, anger and frustration, financial difficulty, relationship heartaches, and health issues. "That way out," he stated, "is THROUGH…with the proper tools."

This new breakthrough, Peter promised, would allow anyone to dissolve unwanted negative thoughts and feelings, which, as we all know, attract unwanted negative realities. "And, you can even go one better," he added. "You can STRIKE THE ROOT of all unwanted thoughts and feelings – the GENERATORS… And, once struck...they [the generators] eliminate entire thought-feeling-belief structures that were full of negative, limiting programming."

I know that’s a little technical, but keep in mind that this product was created by people who are much, much smarter than most of us.

After going on some more about the benefits of the new product, Peter added, "There really are no limits to what this technique and technology can give you. This is why I am so enthusiastic in sharing it with you. I’ll share more with you tomorrow and how it can help you in the area of financial freedom, specifically."

I smelled an MLM...

But I digress. Peter explained, "Money is a real sticking point for most people, as it has a lot of survival issues and fear energy tied into it. Very few programs address our limiting money beliefs and issues with an effective ‘how to’ system for dissolving them rapidly. And, NONE of them, that I know of, actually VERIFIES *scientifically* that they have been dissolved, as ours does. Our system addresses money issues – specifically."

But Peter’s product is not just about money, he assured me. "It is actually geared towards increasing abundance in all areas of one’s life, but it also goes well beyond this into emotional management, overcoming addictions, improving relationships, spiritual freedom and self-realization, and much more.

"Again, it strikes the root of all problems, so it can address EVERY ISSUE that you will ever face."

Even better, this system takes all the guesswork out of personal growth: "As it guides you to release your ‘lack’ programming at its *root* – it also VERIFIES that you have done so…There is no *guessing*…You’ll see real results in the world – which is nothing more than a mirror to your own beliefs and feelings."

The email was signed with "kindest regards" by Peter Kia’i Michel. Google him, and you won’t find much of relevance. I strongly suspect that Peter Kia'i Michel is not the name he was born with; the middle name seems particularly suspect, perhaps inspired by trendy Hawaii or the equally trendy martial arts. Given the presence of the apostrophe, I'd go with the Hawaiian connection.

Peter’s message ended with two postscripts. The first was a reminder to check my email on Tuesday, January 23 for "a 72 hour (or less) special offer." The second one asked, "Have you watched the movie The Secret yet? If not, go do it right now!"

The next message from Peter was dated Sunday, January 21. Once again he went on and on and on, this time about the approaching Apocalypse, and the possibility that (particularly in light of the word’s etymology) this event represents not the end of all things, but simply the unveiling of mystical truths.

Naturally, the new product Peter was touting will help prepare me for the great unveiling. It will allow me to release myself from fear, which is the food that nourishes the ego, whereupon I can break through to an astonishing revelation of who I really am. And who is the me I will discover? Peter ’splains it:

It’s YOU minus ego.

It’s YOU minus the usual misidentification with the body or mind.

It’s just YOU being YOU and identifying only with That.

Nothing fancy. Nothing mystical. Very ordinary and very freeing.

If you’re looking for something *new* you’ll never see it... because, who you are is not *new.* You’ve always been Here. It’s easy to be what you are. You have no choice. You are you!

Well, I'm glad he got that straightened out.

Of course, I need Peter’s product to actually find the me that’s hiding in all of the fear and duality and stuff.

The next message was dated Monday, January 22. "Well, tomorrow’s the big day," Peter began. "The ‘revelation,’ as it were, is almost here."

He continued, "I don’t waste my time with things that don’t work. Time is really of the essence. The earth needs your help. Its people need your help. And, yet, this entire universe exists in only one place: WITHIN YOU. Freedom starts at Home.

Free yourself and you free the world. There is, ultimately, ‘No one "out there" but your own consciousness.’

"If this doesn’t make sense to you, don’t worry – just keep an open mind and check your e-mail tomorrow. What I’m saying can’t be gotten intellectually anyway. It must be experienced."

Hmmm…I think I’ve heard that one before. Yet it was impossible not to get caught up in Peter’s enthusiasm, especially since he described this new product as "a system that can literally GIVE YOU EVERYTHING. Call it your ‘personal ATM machine,’ your ‘Aladdin’s lamp’ or your own personal ‘Bliss Machine.’ It can be all of these things, as you are guided through the simple, yet powerful exercises that undo your limits, your lack programming, and your misidentification with body, mind and ego."

And if there was any doubt as to the efficacy of the system, Peter said that one out of ten people in his "test group" who’d previously viewed a similar offer for the product had been suckered responded positively.

"A 10% conversion rate, if you know anything about marketing, is quite UNHEARD OF," Peter bubbled. "Yet, it happened. How? Our team used the system itself to achieve the goal...The goal being to sell a specific number of these devices by the end of the week. And... when the dust settled... We had sold EXACTLY that amount. Not one more. Not one less. Yet, before we hit ‘go’ we already ‘had’ that exact number sold in our minds. It was already DONE. We had NO DOUBTS to the contrary.

"We knocked them out using this technology. We watched as almost $160,000 in sales piled up in less than 60 hours. It was inevitable…Why did these systems sell out in a matter of hours? Because, they are timely. And, people are waking up. People are waking up to the fact that they are not born to be slaves to their own conditioning and they WANT OUT! And, what we are offering *works.* People are ‘getting’ that this is about Freedom, not about profit. Our team is about liberating people. Otherwise, we’d all be working on other things."

I was truly moved when I read about the altruism of Peter and his team. "One of the main inventors owns global patents on the world’s most efficient electric motor that he developed (he’s quite the geek)... and yet, for now... that motor is not doing much of anything except sitting on the shelf, as he feels that THIS TECHNOLOGY – which I’m going to share with you tomorrow – is FAR MORE IMPORTANT than even the world’s most efficient motor (around 98% efficient across variable frequencies). And, he’s right…It is more important to shift global consciousness towards true inner freedom, than to put out even the world’s most energy-efficient motor (but, he’ll do that, too, soon enough). This project is about freeing the minds of the people. It is about freeing hearts to love. It is about eliminating fear, worry, guilt, regret, anger, frustration and sorrow in whoever applies this technology to their lives…

"And, tomorrow ... Tuesday, January 23... it’s coming to you..."

Breathlessly I scrolled down to the next message from Peter, dated Tuesday, January 23. At last I was going to learn exactly what this astonishing new product was.

The subject line of the message was, "Tuesday’s Here – BUT..."

After greasing my fellow spam recipients and me up by telling us how wonderful and lovely we all were, Peter rammed in the real message, which was: "Now... this is NOT the message you’ve been waiting for... I’m hoping to send another one tonight with that information, but if not, it will be sent tomorrow. I was expecting to have everything in your hands by this morning, but... as the universe often likes to arrange little surprises, it appears it had one in store for me...and you."

But it wasn’t a total screwing, after all.

"It turns out I was able to work out a better deal for you," Peter continued. "Quite a bit better actually. So, a little patience is often a very good thing. I managed to get a significant amount knocked off the price from what it was originally going to be offered at. I won’t tell you how much – you’ll just have to see for yourself when I send out my next message. I am still aiming to get you this offer by tonight, BUT, if by some chance that is not possible…then PLEASE, allow me to get it to you by tomorrow at the latest.

"Fair enough if it saves you a bunch of money and can totally transform your life?"

Oh, more than fair enough, Peter!

I looked at the rest of the messages for January 23, and there was nary a one from Peter.

And then…and then…the next day, January 24, the anniversary of the day of my birth (and who says the Universe doesn’t revolve around moi?) there was The Message, the long-awaited missive in which Peter unveiled his glorious gift to a breathlessly waiting world.

And that gift was… a special offer on the iCAPRelease Meter, "the world's FIRST and ONLY dry, wireless EEG device."

And all I can say is, "Wow."

According to its creators, the iCAP™ Release Meter, a reading from which I have thoughtfully included above, "measures subconscious thought-activity on a scale from 0 to 1,000, with 1,000 being a lot of subconscious thought activity and 0 being no measurable subconscious thought activity (that’s where you’re limitless)."

Given all that the iCAP™ Release Meter is capable of doing, I feared Peter and his team had probably sold out of the things within hours. Had I missed my opportunity to get my own iCAP™ Release Meter at a special price just because I was still on the road and away from my computer when the product was released? With great trepidation, anticipating a terrible disappointment, I scrolled on. And I found two copies of a message from Peter dated Friday, January 26. The subject line was, "Time’s running out for iCAP Release Meter discount!"

"In case you missed this," Peter said, "the nearly 50% off deal for the iCAP™ Release Meter System is ending promptly at 11:59 p.m. ET tomorrow! But, there’s still time to get one…If you’re still struggling applying the Law of Attraction, or are wondering just how much you may be ‘lying’ to yourself and floating over your subconscious programs, then this system is a * MUST HAVE *!

"Do this as a gift to yourself, as it will also benefit everyone around you."

You even get a chance at some coaching from Peter, who says, "If for some reason you DON’T get your goal right away, then don’t worry. It just means you may need a little coaching in getting the most out of the Release® Technique. I am committed to your success for so long as YOU are committed to your success. I have successfully coached hundreds of graduates in effectively applying the Release® Technique."

This extra coaching is free, and I am sure it is worth every penny.

And just in case you’re still a little doubtful about the effectiveness of the technology, no less a luminary than Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale, one of the stars of The Secret, has endorsed the iCAP™ Release Meter System, saying, "The iCAP™ Release Meter is a highly effective tool for verifiably eliminating the subconscious blocks that keep you from attracting what you want out of life. If you are searching for a way to achieve your money, health and relationship goals faster and with far less effort, I highly recommend you pick up one of these remarkable devices."

As Peter explains it, "This is the ‘real secret’ behind ‘The Secret’ (a.k.a. ‘The Law of Attraction’)...you must effectively deal with your RESISTANCE that will inevitably arise when you go for your goals! If you find you’re not succeeding with what was taught in the movie ‘The Secret’ then you MUST try the iCAP™ Release System!"

By now you’re probably thinking, "Golly, Cosmic Connie, I would like an iCAP™ Release Meter System of my very own. How many American dollars will it set me back?" Well, in Peter’s January 27 message, he wrote, "If you take advantage of this offer within the next 72 hours, you can get the iCAP™ Release System for not $2,395.00… but… the almost too good to be true deal of just $1,495.00. That’s saving you $900 off the retail price!"

Then Peter went on to explain again why his revelation was delayed a day. It was so he could finalize a deal to slash the price even further, to an astounding $1,295.00.

I don’t know if any of those bargain prices are still in effect, but it’s worth a shot. But even at the full retail price, the iCAP™ Release System is a real steal (with the real robbers being the purveyors of the system). And it's guaranteed to work, although I suppose it was just for good measure that the good people at iCAP Technologies threw in a disclaimer; the link appears in itty-bitty letters at the very bottom of the hype page on the site.

Anyway, send your money to me now, care of this blog, and I’ll see that it gets to the iCAP™ Release System people if I can remember their address. And even if you don’t want your own iCAP™ Release System, send me some money anyway. After all, it was my birthday not too long ago. And Amazon gift certificates don’t pay the utility bills...


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10 Comments:

Blogger RevRon's Rants said...

My hands were shaking as I read about this breakthrough, and I'm certain I'll be too excited to sleep tonight, what with all the potential for wonderfulness this "scientifically proven" technology could bring to my life.

The only thing that leaves me wondering is if these monumental discoveries can really bring everything one desires into fruition, why aren't the hustlers who are marketing these wonders just giving it away for free? I mean, if the stuff really lets you get everything you want or need, then the people who own it must be able to get everything their little hearts desire, without having to rely upon people paying a ridiculous price. So what purpose does the money they make serve? Just curious, of course. I'm certain there's a perfectly plausible reason behind their actions.

Monday, February 05, 2007 6:40:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Ron. Yes, I'm sure the hustlers are charging money for the product because it's all for the higher good somehow. Perhaps the "energy exchange" involved in giving them our money for their product helps keep the Universe in order. Or perhaps they reason that we value something more if we have to pay for it -- and therefore we are more likely to make the effort to use it properly in order to get a good R.O.I. So it's really for our own good, maybe. There could be any number of reasons. Ours is not to know the "why's"; ours is but to satirize. :-)

I do have trouble believing that the number of folks Peter claims to have bought the product have actually shelled out $1,500.00 and more for it...but then again, there are lots of folks who have more money than sense.

I gotta find me a scam.

Monday, February 05, 2007 6:53:00 PM  
Blogger Citizen Deux said...

Sweet sassy molassey! How could you stand it! My own head would have shot off from my body like an overcharged champagne cork!

At least you now know what a great deal you're getting for this amazing product!

ver word: ujysdiau

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 8:01:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Hey, CD, good to see ya! I love your verification word. I'm sure there is some mystical significance to it... :-)

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 11:34:00 AM  
Anonymous moi said...

Connie, please mail me one quick thru your connections! I desperately need upgrading and fear that I will misidentify myself with myself if I don't make this investment.

ps. Isn't it great that all of the spiritual marketers offer such good prices that are only one time offers? I was recently going to upgrade thru a 5 day deeksha course and the workshop was only $1700.! This was a huge bargain cause the price would be double that the next time round. Unfortunately, I hadn't unblocked my subconscious around money issues and therefore could not get my unevolved self to pay for the course. But since this contraption is so much less, maybe i will get it!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 7:09:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Moi. Alas, I've not yet unblocked my subconscious around money issues either, so I have been unable to buy any Release Meters. And I somehow doubt that the people who make the Release Meter would be willing to send me one for free. So I guess you and I will have to schlep along as our unevolved selves. But there's good news: you can experience a Magical Instant Problem Solver for free. It takes less than two minutes, and at the end of it you will be a totally different person, guaranteed! See today's post...

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 7:22:00 PM  
Anonymous moi said...

"But there's good news: you can experience a Magical Instant Problem Solver for free".

Oh yes, I will read it tomorrow, but I suppose it's related to the pendulum thinga-ma-gig that tells you everything you should and should not do by menas of mysterious energetic vibrations, including with whom you should hang around, snub, and/or fornicate.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 8:04:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

I don't think this one involves a pendulum, but it does probably involve some subliminal stuff...

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 10:09:00 PM  
Anonymous BJ said...

I thought you and your readers might be interested in this...
The Oprah broadcast of "The Secret" will be February 8th. Also, it will be followed by an International Law of
Attraction Teleconference. If you want more info go to http://www.lawofattractionteleconference.com.
Also, the more posts that Oprah gets on her message boards about a particular topic, the more inclined she is to
repeat the topic. So go to www.oprah.com and find the message board for “The Secret” to let her know that you
want more of the same!
Spread the word!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 4:15:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, BJ -- yeah, you can be sure I will tell Oprah I want more "Secret" stuff!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 6:22:00 PM  

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