"I come from the twelfth dimension..."

Life surely is not easy for the parents of a severely disabled child. Apart from the numerous emotional, psychological and medical problems that so often accompany physical and mental disabilities, finding the proper care and support for these children is an ongoing challenge for most families. Most parents follow the traditional route of paying for what they can afford, and obtaining government and/or private assistance for what they can’t.

And then there is the type of parent who takes a more creative route: convincing folks that her handicapped child is an "Omni-Dimensional Being" who has come to Earth to bring a message of peace, love and hope to the human race. Such, apparently, is the case with a profoundly handicapped young woman known as "Grandma Chandra," described by her promoters – most notably, her mother Cat – as "a young being from the 12th dimension in a severely challenged physical body." Chandra’s "planetary rescue mission," we are told, is "to awaken as many souls as possible to who they truly are to activate their planetary missions so we may all ascend."

I just received an email inviting me to an "Ascension session" that Grandma Chandra will be conducting at The Flying Lotus Movement Center in Mount Shasta, California, this coming October 7. It is, I am told, an extraordinary opportunity to interact with Grandma Chandra and perhaps discover the "next step" on my Soul’s Mission.

Although she is only in her twenties, Chandra was dubbed "Grandma" by a Native American wise guy – er, wise man – because of her own great wisdom. That’s the story, anyway. Grandma Chandra is unable to speak, at least not in the conventional way. But no matter; she is able to "access information from other dimensions, this reality and the cosmos. She communicates telepathically and/or through a translator [Mom Cat, of course] with humans, angels, extra terrestrials and other sentient beings...as well as visits people in their dream states to work with them before they have met in the physical realm."

And even though she appears to be a person of limited awareness, we are told that Chandra is fully aware of her multidimensional nature and is able to "see" the multidimensional qualities in humans and other sentient beings. Naturally, she talks to dolphins and whales, and they to her (did you even have to ask?).
How does she do this? It’s simple, really. Chandra "operates on an extremely rare and high vibrational frequency and conducts the majority of her work non-verbally, choosing to telepath communications through members of the audience who can bring her, messages into the third dimension for the benefit of everyone."

I bet you didn’t know "telepath" was a verb, did you?

Besides her personal appearances, Grandma has a plethora of products to sell to folks who are hoping to heal, ascend, transcend, or do all of those other things that enlightened sorts long to do. These items aren’t mere "merchandise." They are "tools," and their purpose is "to enhance an individual’s movement to the next level of consciousness by awakening their codes that already exist within them but are lying dormant." For starters, there’s Grandma’s CD The Awakening Codes of Grandmother Chandra. Chandra has apparently discovered a master code in the numbers 11, 22, 33, 44, 55, 66, 77, 88 and 99. "By listening to this CD after you discover your number or numbers with intention to activate these codes, the 7 seals of the body (chakras) will open and connect with the planetary chakras taking you to the next level of Peace and Ascension." Grandma also has a CD called Whalespeak, in which she "tells the whales’ messages to humanity and how we can help. The messages are linked to the Biblical Codes of the Arc (sic) of the Covenant."

Then there’s Grandma’s DVD on crop circles. According to Grandma, the crop circles are messages from Extraterrestrial Star Beings to Star Beings here on Earth. "These messages," Grandma’s web site explains, "are here to assist us in completing our next level of conscious awareness to help ourselves and the planet. Chandra chose 33 crop circles and gave mathematical formulas in calculus and trigonometry that she says create geometry the basis of all crop circles. The ET’s are speaking to us in math, a universal language."

You might wonder how a person who cannot speak could possibly do an audio CD or a DVD. The answer, if you’ve hung around in the new age at all, should be obvious: Chandra communicates telepathically to her mother Cat, who then records the CDs. According to one purveyor of Chandra’s CDs, Maureen J. Saint Germain (and isn’t it amazing how many people these days have the surname, "Saint Germain"?), "Grandma Chandra's information coming through her Mother Cat Parenti is exquisite. Cat has an incredible and beautiful voice, speaks several languages and calls out the names of the very powerful beings with her exquisite voice." You can hear sound samples on Maureen St. Germain’s web site.

What I find even more intriguing than the CDs are Grandma’s essential oils. There is, for example, the "Self Heal One" essence, which is part of her "Soul Healing Oil" series. Self Heal One helps a person "overcome fear, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, weeping, depression, self-doubt, mental imbalance, selfishness, pedophilia and bestiality" (just in case the dolphins get a little too friendly, I suppose). This oil also "opens base or root chakra, unites masculine and feminine." And, like all of Grandma’s oils, it’s only $33.00 by the dram, or $99.00 by the ounce. What a deal.

Another tool not sold but highly recommended by Grandma Chandra is "spinning 99 times per day." This has to be done in a certain way to be effective, and, bless her heart, Grandma actually offers us free advice on how to do it. It’s really quite simple, but there are a few rules. First of all, you have to spin in the right direction. If you are above the equator, you gotta spin clockwise, and if you’re below the equator, spin counterclockwise. (We’re not told what those who are on the equator should do; my guess is that they would be best advised to just stand still and let the world spin around them.)
And then there's a matter of position. For a clockwise spin (above the equator), bring your right arm straight out in front of you with your thumb pointing to the sky. You folks below the equator should use your left arm, thumb up. If you’re on the equator, I suppose you can just keep your arms straight down at your sides, and do a Riverdance or something while the rest of us spin.

Grandma advises, "Start slowly and you will eventually pick up speed. I was recommending that people start with 33 revolutions and eventually work up to 66 and then 99 times per day. However, time has sped up and we are now accelerating on all levels so I say we must do 99 revolutions per day."

The final and most important step "to stop spinning without injuring self or others," is that, after you finish your 99th spin, "press the palms of your hands together (prayer position) and squeeze them together as hard as you can while keeping your feet shoulder width apart and deep breathing. DO NOT break this position until the room or the outside environment has COMPLETELY stopped revolving. The pressure on your palms sends messages up your arms and shoulders into your neck and head to the nerves there telling the nerves to stop spinning."

Perhaps the most fascinating tool of all is Grandma Chandra’s Attunement Chamber, described as an "omni-dimensional pyramid like structure complete with specially placed crystals." Your first thought, when looking at the picture of the Chamber on Grandma’s web site, might be, "Bad Photoshopping." But you would be quite wrong for, as Grandma explains, "This ‘blurry’ picture is part of the energy of the Chamber, the top or capstone spins clockwise and the bottom counterclockwise."

Grandma created this Chamber while in Europe, though we are not told exactly how, and she explains that it can be used to manifest whatever is desired, such as health, abundance etc. It is also an excellent tool for those who have been "willingly or unwillingly abducted by ET’s for experiments and teachings and are struggling to regain their WHOLESELVES." Grandma will have the Chamber with her at all of her presentations, including the upcoming gig at Mt. Shasta, and you can buy a series of thirteen in-person chamber sessions with her for $333.00. (Or perhaps more or fewer sessions. "The amount of sessions per person is decided by Grandma on a case by case basis.") Alternatively, you can have your own personal Chamber, which is available as a package deal along with "color therapy, an essential oil combination called the 13:13…[and the] CD "WHALESPEAK." The cost? A mere $1,300.00 US; Visa and MasterCard are accepted. (However, the Chamber won’t be shipped to you until 14 business days after receipt of payment, so I hope you’re not in any big hurry.)

Legend has it that Grandma Chandra’s extraordinary qualities were apparent from the time she was an infant. At the age of three months she was doing "mudras" with her fingers. Mudras are a series of symbolic body postures and hand movements used in East Indian classical dancing, or as Chandra’s web site would have it, they are "sacred signs for Universal Intelligence and OM." (One web site on pervasive developmental disorders mentions that "Rocking, hand and arm flapping, unusual hand and finger movements…are common" in autistic children.)

According to the bio on her web site, at the age of nine and a half, Chandra started doing spontaneous past life readings with everyone she came into contact with. "Not bound by the body, Chandra has unbroken past life recall," we're informed. I am a little puzzled as to how she communicated these past-life readings when she was nine and a half, since according to other accounts she didn't "speak" until she was twelve. The web site of the aforementioned Maureen St. Germain says, "At age 12 her therapists had a major breakthrough in developing a communications board for her to use and begin two way conversations.* Up until that time she had never spoken. She communicated with her new instrument with everyone but her mother, Cat, whom she refused to talk to. When Cat finally figured out what was going on, she had to agree to be Grandma's spokesperson. Some time after that Cat learned the messages in her head that she thought were coming from her higher self, were actually coming in from Chandra. Mother and daughter now use a shorthand to communicate very quickly. They give readings and lectures…"

Well, I suppose little details such as when and how she began communicating her extraordinary messages don’t matter. What matters is that Chandra is so "gifted." Among her many other talents, she "reads through her fingertips by spinning papers, closed books, magazines etc. She can then tell you a page in a book and how it pertains to you or someone else in the room. She does this with various spiritual/sacred books and papers when she does readings for people."

Chandra and Cat’s big breakthrough came when Chandra was nineteen, and was "discovered" by James Twyman, writer, film producer, musician and self-described "International Peacemaker" who is a big promoter of the "Indigo children" theory. Recognizing a good gimmick when he saw one, he invited Grandma Chandra to be a presenter at his New-Age Carnival Freak Show Psychic Indigo Children Conference in Hawaii. Following this conference, "Chandra began coding people as to their planetary mission and how to achieve it." Since then she and Mom have been to Sedona, Taos, Europe and a number of other spots to spread the word.

At the age of twenty, Chandra communicated that she is a twelfth-dimensional being "who has come here to guide and teach those whose codes she activates with her readings and CD The Awakening Codes of Grandmother Chandra." And her list of accomplishments keeps growing. Last year, for instance, she went to Los Angeles for a presentation at the Earth and Sky Lodge, described as a West Los Angeles Community Center for the performing and healing arts. According to a person named JB in LA, "While there she telepathed with some highly placed musicians and told them that it is time for her to create a DVD on the ‘sounds of the planets’. One of the musicians taped her drumming and said that, ‘She is drumming the sounds of the spheres according to the Pythagorean theorem.’"

In May of 2003, Chandra said that she is a "Star Gate Opener," and she began opening star gates during her presentations around the US. (In case you don’t know, star gates are "non-physical portals, gates, doorways, openings around the planet that allow only the highest vibratory Ascended Masters, Angels and Guides including Extra Terrestrials to come through to assist us and the planet to the next conscious level of Peace and Ascension.")

Alas, it seems that her numerous personal appearances and the merchandising of her "tools" haven’t netted quite enough to cover Grandma Chandra’s ongoing needs. Donations of all sizes are eagerly welcomed and openly solicited on her web site, and this notice appears on every page of the site: "As you know, Medicaid/ACCHSS does not pay for dental work. We are in gratitude that Grandma has no cavities etc. However, she needs to be completely anesthetized for her yearly teeth cleaning. We greatly appreciate any donations towards defraying this annual $1800 expense."

But I have no doubt that as time goes by, more miracles will unfold, and Grandma Chandra will continue to reveal, through Mama Cat, more new gifts and messages from yet more dimensions. The third dimension, after all, is a rich sea of opportunity. You just have to be a little creative sometimes.

* Utilizing the controversial Facilitated Communication method.

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