Blonded by the lightAs much as I like and respect Australians and long to visit Australia, I have to say that increasingly, the Land Down Under has become a center of New-Wage silliness. Besides the Blunder From Down Under, David Schirmer (who recently had to sell that big mansion he always bragged about), and the frenzy of ACCESS activity down there, we also have the Aussie Blonde phenomenon, as noted recently on Jody Radzik's Guruphiliac blog. When it comes to insipid New-Wage Aussie blondeness, The Secret's Rhonda Byrne was, apparently, only the beginning.
F'rinstance, there is Miranda ("previously known as 'Holden'"), whom some have called "Satsang Barbie." She's cute as a button, but there's more, oh, so much more to her than cuteness. She also has deep Presence, and I know that because I read it on her web site:
Most apparent is Miranda‘s depth of Presence, experience, and integration of approach, which translates in her ease in speaking to people in their language and level. Miranda is renowned for her profound capacity to help people open to direct experience of Truth and unwind their habits of suffering.And then there's a gal calling herself "Isira," who claims to be part aborigine, so of course that makes her deeply wise and astoundingly mystical in ways that you and I can only hope to be. (I dare you to watch the video on Jody's post in its entirety.) Isira's mission is to help us all embrace the truth that "You are here to be all that you can be." Rumor (or "rumour") has it that Isira bought that line cheap from the US Army.
Isira, according to one of her web sites, began performing at a very early age:
Born in South Australia, she began her path of awakening at the age of four when she experienced chakra healing and balancing through spontaneous meditative states, and practiced yoga without training or outside knowledge. Her early life suddenly and consistently displayed heightened psychic, artistic, healing and clairvoyant faculties, which naturally lead to ascetic practices.What Isira has to offer is, in blogger Jody's words....
...this pastiche of self-help un-helpfulness and ignorance-reinforcing, occluding concepts about nondual truth, all wrapped up in a pink bow of "Look at how special my enlightenment has made me! Oh, and aren't I pretty hot for a sage?"In the comments section accompanying his post, he noted, "...there are Aussie blondes everywhere willing to sell sh-t on a cracker, calling it spiritual truth in their rush to distribute their own pathological narcissism."
For years I've been saying that I've gotta find a scam, or at least a really good shtick. The problem is that there are just too many to choose from. Well, now my search is narrowing. As I said on Jody's blog, since I have the pathological narcissism down pat anyway, I am seriously thinking of perfecting my Aussie accent and becoming one of those phony enlightened Aussie guru-ettes.
Frankly, even though I've no desire to go blonde, I think I can do cute and insipid just as well as the next gal, and I look great in white gauze-y garments, except when my fake tan bleeds on them. So maybe I should wear tan gauze-y garments. Yeah, that's what I'll do.
Jody encouraged my career choice, saying, "If you do it, we will support you with many posts of profuse praise... for 10% of your take and a $10g down payment." Another Guruphiliac reader, "Kevinanda," chimed in, "Great! Upfront corruption is what we want!"
That's really not corruption, though; that would just make Guruphiliac my agent. I may be on my way to a brand new career.
Neale and pray that you, too, can be happier than the Big Guy!Speaking of insipid, Neale Donald Walsch, who has made a fortune writing books and committing workshops and perpetrating bad movies about the voices in his head, has belatedly jumped on the Law Of Attraction bandwagon. The title of his newest book, Happier Than God, almost sounds like a big "Neener, neener!" to the Big Guy, but the truth is that he means no disrespect to the Creator of the Universe. Neale just really, really believes that life was meant to be good. The voices told him so.
Here in a nutshell is the premise of his new opus: Life was meant to be happy. You were meant to be happy. And if you're already happy, you were meant to be happier. Even if you're very happy, you can be even happier. How happy? Well, happier than God, that's how happy!
That's really all you need to know about the book, so you don't even need to buy it. After all, Neale is already happy enough. He has those voices to entertain him, and those thousands of other folks who are willing to pay to hear what the voices say. So he doesn't need you. Just get out there and get happy! And if you've a mind to, send me the money you would have spent on Happier Than God.
And speaking of Rhonda...
The creator of the world's most successful New-Wage infomercial may end up regretting that she Byrne'd a few of her original co-creators. The latest news in the pending lawsuit by Drew Heriot, director of the original DVD, is that the case will be heard in the US instead of Australia. Rhonda's legal eagles were trying to get it heard in Australia, which would have been extra expense and hardship for Drew, who's now living in L.A. Rhonda lives in the US as well, but presumably has lots more travel money than Drew. Here's the scoop.
The horse is the new dolphin
By this I don't mean that our equine friends have suddenly started getting themselves entangled in tuna fishermen's nets. I mean that horses have been co-opted by New Wage ninnies. Okay, as far as I know, no one is (yet) claiming that horses are an enlightened race of beings sent here from another dimension to aid us in the coming Galactic Shift... but there's still a lot of mystical horse sh-t being peddled these days. You can't go around the Net these days without stepping in some. I really am tempted to believe that horses have nearly upstaged dolphins on the New-Wage MVP list.
It was inevitable, I suppose, given that in recent years a gimmick known as Equine Assisted Psychotherapy has gained in popularity. And as psychotherapy goes, so goes the New Wage (and the selfish-help industry in general). There's even a professional association dedicated to healing with horses, the Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association, or EAGALA.
Various New-Wagers are trying to make a living by sharing the Magical Spirit of horses, in one way or another. I've written about a few of them previously. For example, Gary Douglas, founder of the aforementioned ACCESS, has a horse shtick. Then there's the Harmony With Horses program, perpetrated by Expansion Coach TM Christine Cole, where horses teach you about the Law Of Attraction.
And just the other day I stumbled across another company: The Horse Connection in Willow City, Texas. The Horse Connection is run by Nikki Theisinger, who is also a Minister of the Acadamie of Light (a wacko New-Wage clearinghouse, but that's a topic for another blog post). The Horse Connection works with adults and troubled children, teaching them the Magic of the Horse:
Our children have become attached to the Magic of the Horse and that Magic was reflected in the delight and the Joy that was found in the Heart of the Horse. The children grew stronger in their desire to ride and were able to whisper their thoughts to each horse as they rode through the countryside. Before long the Magical Horses grew wings and were able to take flight through the magic of the childrens [sic] laughter. And soon the story of the magical winged horse spread through all the lands. As we observe the magic that still happens by Joining the Heart of each Child with the Horse we see the Joy reflected in mirror of our own HEARTS...and we live happily ever after.
Join us and let the Spirit of the Horses bring out "the kid in you"!
Join us and let the Spirit of the Horses bring out "the kid in you"!
And if the horses don't do it, the unicorns and butterflies and rainbows will. One of the things they do at The Horse Connection, judging from some of the pictures on their site, is to teach disadvantaged, differently-abled and "special" kids to deface horses with graffiti. That's "Willie" you see in the picture.Willie is also the most patient and loving horse for the children who come to the summer camps. Notice how he allows them to paint their lovely designs all over his body. He is truly an Equine Healer with a huge heart of gold allowing his body to become the canvas for their therapy and enjoyment.This kind of gives a whole new meaning to the term, "paint horse," doesn't it?
Speaking of which, I just recently learned that "pinto" and "paint" are not identical terms in the world of horses. Maybe you knew that, but I didn't. A "pinto," as you may know, is a horse with a splotchy color pattern, but a "paint" is a specific breed of pinto with known Quarter Horse and/or Thoroughbred bloodlines. (I suppose it's sort of the equine equivalent of being "part Cherokee Indian.")
I've always liked horses, but since I live around them now I have taken it upon myself to learn more about them. A frustrating hobby I recently undertook was learning horse colors, or trying to learn them, but I don't think I'll ever get it right. It's all much more complicated than you might think. If you thought it was just a simple matter of black, white, gray, red, spotted or palomino (which, of course, is a color pattern and not a breed – even I knew that), well, have I got news for you. Horse colors in general are very complex and, if you can believe it, controversial. According to the Wiki article on the subject...
"Discussion, research, and even controversy continues about some of the details, particularly those surrounding spotting patterns, color sub-shades such as "sooty" or "flaxen," and markings."See, even horse people can't agree on all of this stuff.
The more I read about horse colors the more confused I get. I am just about to give up on my pitiful efforts to figure out the differences between a "dun" and a "buckskin," or a "tobiano" and a "sabino," or a "roan" and a "rabicano," or a "perlino" and a "cremello," or a "serrano" and a "poblano"...oh, wait, maybe those last two aren't horse colors (you SEE how confusing it can get? My brain hurts!). Anyway, I suppose I could continue to study equine coloration, and it's possible that there would come a day when I would finally understand it, but I am thinking that maybe it doesn't really matter after all, especially since I suspect that horse people are just making these words up as they go along anyway.
I do know one thing, though. Don't get me wrong; I'm all for teaching disadvantaged children and troubled adults about the wonders of equine companionship. But graffiti belongs on public buildings, restroom doors and railroad cars, not on horses.
Mojo's blogaversary card to me
My new pal Mojo, whose Craptacular blog never fails to delight me, did a little tribute to Whirled Musings in honor of this blog's second birthday. Here 'tis.
The Tweet life with Blair Warren
I love reading anything by my pal Blair Warren. Here are some gems from his "favorites" page on Twitter:
And there's much more where that came from. Blair also occasionally posts on his Crooked Wisdom blog, and I'm hoping he's working on a couple of books, such as an update to his No-Nonsense Guide To Enlightenment.Sell bullsh-t and you make money, then enemies. Sell truth and you just make enemies.
When toddlers shut their eyes to make reality go away, it's funny. But when adults do the same with the Law of Attraction, it's tragic.
Some say we can change things merely by observing them, but I've been observing these people for years and their story hasn't changed a bit.
If a friend never says anything that makes you question the way you see the world, give him a cracker and go find yourself a new friend.
Well, that's it for now, cowpokes. I'm going to get back to work. Then The Rev and I are going to batten down the hatches, because storms are brewing in the area. There's a hurricane in the making (Edouard), and tornado and flash-flood watches are in effect around here as well, and we may lose our Internet for a while, as we always do when it even thinks about raining. I guess I can use the down time to get back to studying horse colors.
14 comments:
Oh god thats a long post but a good one. Seriously, where do these people get the time to play with their egos that much? Great to see Mr Schirmer lose his house, thats a start, now if he could just do what he said he was going to do and pay all those people back he might be able to salvage some reputation. After reading all those messages in the blogosphere about him you can't help but wonder what is really going on inside the guy. Do people really get that desperate that they have to lie about who they really are and what they've got? I mean nowadays it isn't too difficult to find out the facts on anyone especially when they put themselves in the public like that, they ask for people to check up on them. Did he really think that people would believe he was a multimillionaire with a gazillion followers. I'm starting to think that the people in the secret movie are all the same. This guy certainly screwed it up for a lot of them.
RE: Horse whispering--
(Wasn't there a race of Enlightened Horses in "Gulliver's Travels"? Something with a funny horsie-nickery-sounding name, like Hrnnhnnnnuuu? It's been a while. Surprised people haven't tried to exploit that angle--but that requires a certain amount of snotty intellectual-sounding literacy, huh?)
My Favorite Older Sister and I went through the usual teenaged horse-crazy phase, and it continued for her into adulthood. Me, I still like them, but not enough to put up with the time, brute physical effort and expense of keeping them (AKA "laziness"). Since my Favorite Older Sister has always had horses throughout our adult lives, whenever I need a horsie fix I just go visit hers.
Horsie people have been very big on "whisperers" since Monty Roberts, who I once saw give a demonstration on an unbroke skittish filly which was genuinely impressive. But all the "whisperers" remind me of those "miracle" dog trainers--there's nothing all that magical about it, and a trainer of integrity is the first to tell you so. They just use common sense, and communicate with the animal the best way that animal understands. They also assume authority early on, since horses (like dogs) respond to authority very well.
Often an untrained animal is that way because the owner is too timid or ignorant to establish who's the boss. So then in walks Monty Roberts or Barbara Woodhouse; they grab the lead and fix their steely gaze on the guilty party, and the animal immediately submits. It looks like a freakin' MIRACLE to the milquetoast owner, but there's really nothing that growing a backbone won't fix.
(Discipline in the sense that one might provide discipline for a child, not BEATING the poor thing, of course!)
About ten years ago my Favorite Older Sister took up learning dressage, mostly to learn the subtleties of communication between horse and rider that dressage embodies. The net worth of the folks she started hanging out with went up about a THOUSANDFOLD, easily. I tagged along on some of her horsie occasions and these folks--who are all very, very nice--are flinging money all over the place, both on gorgeous, gorgeous animals as well as the gorgeous, gorgeous facilities they're housed in. If these horses were Pomeranians they'd all be sleeping on silk pillows and getting dressed in kicky little outfits with matching hats every day. A far cry from the "walking dog food" we learned to ride on as kids!
People are free to spend their money on whatever they want--more power to 'em. But just as I don't personally care to "waste" my money on some gazillion-dollar sports car to park in my driveway, I also don't need a gazillion-dollar imported German Hanoverian warmblood in my stable to make my life complete. That's just me. If people really WANT it, okay, whatever makes ya happy. I just noticed, as a casual observer, that there's a whole lotta money being tossed about in that world, and if I were the cynical predatory type it would be a consideration to, uh, consider.
Another observation: I would guesstimate from my own experience (oooh, look, I'm about to pull a statistic out of my butt, so you KNOW I'm being scientifical!) that probably 70--80% of the horsie world is FEMALE. (Sorry, can't figure how how to cram the word "quantum" into that. Little help?) So if I were looking for companionship and I were attracted to the female persuasion, it would be a good place to look. Or troll, as the case may be. It's certainly a better class of people than your local bar, assuming you know enough of the lingo to fit in. Which is KEY--a horsie person can spot a non-horsie person a mile off. (It's fine that you don't know, but please don't PRETEND that you do, or the real horsie people will be making faces about you behind your back.)
The potential for lots of money and sex: it's a winning combination! Though I am CERTAIN all these people and services you mention only have the animal's (and the consumer's) best interests at heart. I'm just sayin', that's some pretty green grass, there, is all....
"Sell bulls**t and you make money then enemies"
The story of the secret by Rhonda Byrnes and her voodoo gurus.
Thanks, Anon. You're right about the propensity of New-Wage leaders to lie, or at least seriously misrepresent the truth. Sooner or later it catches up to them.
But I'm not so sure that Schirmer messed everything up for all of the other "Secret" stars...and maybe not even for himself, at least not irreparably. Unfortunately, the public has a short memory, and most of these tricksters are masters at reinventing themselves anyway. That Serbian war criminal I wrote about the other day is an extreme case in point -- THAT guy was hiding in plain sight by posing as an alternative "healer."
Not that I'm comparing what Schirmer has allegedly done with the Serb guy's alleged atrocities, but the point is that many followers of New-Wage ideas are particularly gullible -- as well as eternally hopeful -- so they're ripe for the pickin' when some unscrupulous charlatan comes along.
I've been trying off and on for hours to get this comment posted, but Blogger keeps going "down for maintenance." Anyway...
Mojo: Ah, yes, the Houyhnhnms, that race of intelligent horses that Gulliver so admired. Alas, I don’t think they would have a place in our modern-day tale, “Gullibles’ Travails.” After all, the Houyhnhnms were supremely dispassionate and rational, and they basically thought of all humans as brutish and imbecilic Yahoos; the sanctimonious narcissists of the New Wage would never stand for that.
As for actual "horse whispering," I knew there had been a big deal in recent years among horse people and even a lot of reg'lar folks, especially after that bestselling novel by Nicholas Evans came out a few years ago, followed by the Robert Redford movie. In real life, not only Monty Roberts, but a Colorado couple named Pat and Linda Parelli, have achieved seemingly miraculous results with wayward equids. As you implied, however, the work of real trainers (of horses or dogs or elephants or whatever) is based not on magical telepathic stuff but on an intimate knowledge of their behavior. That kind of stuff comes from years of observing and interacting with the animals. It's just so much fun to believe in magic, though...
I also realize that horses, being the gorgeous and mostly impressive creatures they are, have long been a part of human myth and folklore, and at various times and places they’ve been assigned all sorts of fantastic attributes. But those New-Wagers I like to snark about have taken it to a whole new level of silliness.
Matter o'fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the next big thing was “running with the mustangs,” which is like “swimming with the dolphins,” except it’s done on land, of course, and with wild horses (of course, of course). Notice I don't say "riding with the mustangs," as in traveling on horseback. That would be like "swimming" with dolphins in a boat. No, to truly experience the essence of the Spirit Of The Horse, you have to run right along with the herd.
Unfortunately, this might result in some new-wage ninnies being stomped on by the “feral equids” or even being accidentally culled by near-sighted government agents…oh, that would be tragic, wouldn’t it?
Oh, bad, bad Connie.
Your bio seems to parallel mine in many ways. My older sister and I went through a horse-crazy phase ourselves when we were youngsters. Although I always kind of sucked at riding, we did go to the local stables to rent some time on “walking dog food” as often as our parents would allow. My favorite mount was a pinto named Tango, who looked a lot like the horse Viggo Mortensen rode in “Hidalgo,” which is why I liked that movie so much. Ron thinks it’s because I have the hots for Viggo, but that's not so; finding out Viggo is gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), kind of ruined the "hot" aspect for me. So I watch “Hidalgo” for the horse, and as it happens, Ron and I watched it again tonight.
Anyway, as a child I longed deeply for a horse of my own, and spent countless hours daydreaming over Wesley Dennis’ paintings in Margaret Henry’s “Album Of Horses.” Eventually I came to realize that horses are way too high-maintenance for the likes of me (yeah, I’m lazy too in that regard). I knew then that my parents were wise for not caving to my sister’s and my constant nagging (so to speak) for a horse of our own.
These days my sister doesn’t own horses, but she works extensively with championship miniature horses, which, though cute and little, are still high-maintenance. Here at The Ranch, I get to hang around some cool regular-sized horses that I don’t have to take care of, but Ron and I are seriously thinking of adding some miniature donkeys to our menagerie (yep, as a child I was fond of Margaret and Wesley’s “Brighty Of The Grand Canyon” too).
As for the female-to-male ratio in the world of horse people...I guess I never really gave it much thought, but you may very well have the makings of a new scam or two, Mojo. I’ll think of a way to work “quantum” into it and get back to you.
Phillip said...
"'Sell bulls**t and you make money then enemies'
The story of the secret by Rhonda Byrnes and her voodoo gurus"
That's pretty much it in a nutshell, Phillip! :-)
I think that the essential element in successfully communicating with horses - or any other creatures, for that matter - is the abandonment of the arrogant notion that we are inherently superior to them. Obviously, such abandonment is nonexistent in the New Wage/hustledork repertoire.
An animal perceives a new "acquaintance" as either predator, potential food source, or fellow herd/pack member. Before a human can exercise anything resembling dominance over the creature, he* must establish himself as either a threat or an equal. In the former, the result is a fear-based submission. In the latter, the result is acceptance and - ideally - respect, but it must be a mutual, equal respect. No magic, no esoteric rituals; merely understanding and acceptance. And you certainly won't get that from the faux gurus of SHAM-land.
* - Gender-specificity applied only to simplify the prose. No value judgment implied.
Very good points, Ron, with one minor exception: many of the animal-loving New-Wagers don't consider themselves superior to the non-human inhabitants of this planet (at least not in theory)...they only consider themselves superior to the unenlightened *human* inhabitants. And some animal-lovers, New-Wage or not, would take exception to the concept of "establishing dominance" -- but that's really what it is. Except with cats, of course. They have many ways of showing us who's really the boss (hint: it's never us :-)).
Actually, I think that, even in their most magnanimous moments, the New Wagers' lofty assertions about non-human creatures smacks of condescension, the implication being that these cosmic creatures are indeed "old and evolved souls," but not nearly as old or evolved as the New Wagers themselves. That the dolphins du jour rank above those unwashed non-new wagers implies condescension of varying degrees, but wrapped in ill-conceived arrogance, nonetheless.
And anyone who perceives *any* relationship as being devoid of any semblance of the dominance/submissiveness dynamic is blowing smoke up their own... perspective (and it isn't limited to the leather underwear & studded collar crowd!). The dynamic exists - albeit to varying degrees - wherever individual personalities intersect.
Again, good points, Ron... I submit! :-)
There's some really interesting Aussies out there isn't there? That Schirmer guy tops the lot.
I agree, Anon. There are some "interesting" Aussies out there, but the good news is that not everyone in Australia is buying into their crap. There are apparently lots of good folks Down Under who have been hurt by New-Wage thinking and practices, and I think more and more people are becoming aware of this.
"Gullibles' Travails". I like that! A satire of a satire! The circle of life is complete.
(It is also drawing full circle with your desire for a miniature donkey. My sister has one of those guys. Hope you like braying. Really LOUD braying.)
As to the dominance/submission aspect of any interaction between critters of whatever stripe--yeah, what Ron sez. Mutual respect is a better phrase than my feeble attempts to describe it. In my riding days one speaks of reins and legs and even the occasional crop as "aids"--aids for communicating with the animal, NOT aids in beating the poor thing to death. I can't count the number of times having the instructor waiting until the timing was right, and then saying, "Okay, now ASK him to take the jump!" or "Sit back and ASK him for the canter!" People who keep FIGHTING an animal--let's face it, most of them are bigger, stronger, swifter and possess better weapons--will eventually lose.
I feel sometimes I am in a distinct minority in my gut feeling that many "animal lovers" are in reality so ignorantly disrespectful of the animals as to border on (unintentional) abuse. Like those people who insist on owning eight million cats, even though they can't possibly care for them all properly. Their "love" is more like teenaged girl "love", which has remarkably little to do with reality and has lots of hearts and flowers and rainbows drawn around it.
I suspect much of the general New Ager's gushing about animals--like claiming sacred "totem" animals and other bits they've swiped and bastardized from Native American traditions--is this same sort of dreadful adolescent nonsense. They only "love" Nature in her more fluffy and cute aspects, like people who only "love" pet ownership when it doesn't entail scrubbing puke (or worse) out of the carpet. (I freely admit such an event is not all that high on my list of turn-ons, either. But I feel it's my duty to bring up such unpleasantries whenever a well-meaning friend gets all goo-goo-eyed over a darling widdle puppy. Don't get me wrong--they're as cute as the dickens. BUT...there *IS* that "widdle" thing....)
I can't go to a zoo anymore without observing the downright psychotic, obsessive behavior of many of the more sentient caged animals--the pacing, the worn trails in the fake habitats, the standing and rocking in place. It's a very well known phenomenon that many animal behaviorists note. I know zoo animals are usually well-fed and well-maintained, and I'm sure their keepers have true respect and even perhaps affection for them, but it's a stressful situation for a wild animal and these repetitive movements are but one indication of this stress.
I feel really bad for them when I seem them like that. But when I observe this behavior firsthand .... and THEN I observe my fellow human zoo-goers, who loftily claim to be so empathetic, and revere said animals as "their totem vision quest familiars" or whatnot, so much that they are magically DRAWN to their presence, yet apparently oblivious to such obvious misery they instead exclaim, "Oh, look, Timmy, look at the funny polar bear--he's DANCING!".... Man, there are times I despair of the entire human race.
Hi, Mojo... well, we already have a fair amount of braying around us, as just about everyone here owns at least two or three mini-donkeys; I guess we'll just be bringing it closer to home.
I long ago learned that indoor animals are not compatible with carpeting. But I do spend a fair amount of time cleaning up vomit and wayward pee and turds from hardwood floors, tile, walls, furniture, etc. (And the Febreze people would go out of business if I ever gave up living with animals.)
But I hear you about the misguided "animal love" of many New-Wagers. A few years ago I did a piece about New Age Cat Lovers; it's on my old Cosmic Relief site:
http://tinyurl.com/6d9pxy
Ron and I generally stay away from zoos and circuses.
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