And on the eighth day...

It can’t just all be coincidence. Here I was, trying to decide how best to commemorate this momentous day, the eighth day of this infant blog. A bris would simply not have been possible, or even appropriate (especially since, technically, this is the ninth day of my blog’s existence (even though I didn’t actually write anything until the day after I set it up)). Yet I felt the need to do, or at least write, something special.

And then it happened. From the ethers came an email offering me an unprecedented opportunity for accelerated spiritual growth, courtesy of the Ascended Master Saint Germain***. And what prompted this opportunity? Hold on to your auras, Dear Ones…

Saint Germain is making this generous offer in honor of the coming 888 Ascension.

As we all know, and as the email clarified, "The number 8 is the symbol of Infinity and Number of Power. Triple Numbers are StarGates of tremendous Energy and Power."

And precisely when will the 888 Ascension occur? My Dear Ones, the time is near, and that is why I am sharing with you now. It will come to pass on August 8, 2006.

You must not ask, "Why not August 8, 2008?", for that will reveal you to be a person of little faith in the power of the Profit. But since you did ask, here is the answer, directly from Saint Germain himself, as to why the 888 Ascension is taking place this year, instead of two years hence:

"(Aug = 8) + 8th day + (2006 = 8) is the 8 8 8!"

And here, according to the email, is what this most revered of Ascended Masters is prepared to do for you in honor of the 888 Ascension: "Saint Germain is offering His Elixir at a special price now so you may begin to achieve Infinity, Rejuvenation, Transformation and Ascension during this powerful StarGate of the 8 8 8."

Now, since Saint Germain is officially Ascended, he is not licensed to sell products on Earth. Thank goodness, then, for his Earthly Emissary, aka "The Germ-Man’s Bitch." Okay, that is not really her name. I am only joking. I am not really calling her a bitch. I am sure she is a very nice lady. As a matter of fact her last name is Saint Germain, and is that not an amazing coincidence in itself? In any case I have a sneaking suspicion…call it intuition…that she, rather than Saint Germain himself, is the one who actually sent me the email, or paid the new-age spam service to send it to me.

I know this woman has to be the real deal, because she says so herself. According to her, "Ascended Master Saint Germain has been appearing to me since I was a small child. He has revealed Ascension secrets, tools and techniques to me over the years including His secret alchemical formulas. He requested that I make his teachings and new products available to all who seek them. It is my great honor to do so."

So exactly what is this Elixir of Life that the email mentioned? Let me quote again from Saint Germain’s bit…er…lady: "Saint Germain's Elixir of Life Essence™ is the mysterious Elixir that He created for Himself to remain young for hundreds of years. It is a vibrational essence so that everyone can utilize this powerful tool for Ascension. We are having a special 8+8+8 Days price reduction for [recipients of this email] (ends Aug 28th) Take advantage of this super opportunity."

Saint Germain himself is quoted as saying, "The Elixir is an Accelerator and also allows the physical body to hold more Light and higher frequencies. How that energy is utilized is up to the individual."

But don’t take their word for it. Listen to what some ecstatic, Elixired-up customers had to say:

• "These are amazing times and new, high-vibrational products are beginning to appear on the screen of Life to assist Humanity with our physical transformation. These are the best of those products."

• "I am very impressed with the Elixir! My dreams are intensely lucid...lots of feelings of being in multi dimensions...time slippage....i feel like i can see beyond what i see as in overlays....inside and outside....simultaneous... i am able to cope with things easier...less stress...very expansive in my mind....i wander all over the universe... more firm in my belief of immortality...i feel it in the center of the heart chakra...i feel expansive and have a greater knowing of creative process....and akashic knowlege... i have visions of hyperspacial missions and they appear in physicality."

• "The Elixir of Life is the best stuff that anybody ever made! For years I have been convinced that age reversal is possible. It is now physically happening to me."

• "I really wish to thank you. I was literally blown away during our session and had many ‘ah ha!’ moments. I have been working with the Violet Flame**** and my Higher Self yet the connection you helped me make opened me up to even more than what was already coming in."

• "Thank you so much for the Energy Transmission! I had a really mind blowing experience with an angel and then found out it was while you were sending the energy. Ever since then my relationship problems have improved and I feel like I am more in my body now. It's been so great. Thanks again!"

But perhaps the highest praise came from the person who says that the Elixir gal "is the purest expression of the great alchemist Saint Germain, I have ever seen in over 20 years of my spiritual work. Many claim to channel the Great Alchemist, [she] IS the Great Alchemist. Just by simply being in the presence of Saint Germain within her, a deep alchemy of the Soul occurs, the heart opens and your life is completely transformed. She is the real deal; she is truly the pure - undiluted expression of Saint Germain right here, right now. It would be worth your weight in gold to experience the Grace, Love and Compassion of Saint Germain through her."

"What is in the Elixir?" you may be asking. Dear Ones, it does not matter what is in it; what matters is that, as they say in the commercial for a more mundane potion, it is in you.

Now excuse me while I go pour myself a Red Bull.

***brother to (oh, you saw this coming, didn’t you?) Saint Tito, Saint LaToya, Saint Janet (Our Lady of The Malfunctioning Wardrobe), and the Fallen Angel Michael.

**** I once knew a Violet Flame; s/he used to hang around this gay nightclub I used to frequent with my Gay Male Best Friend back in my younger, wilder days. You saw that one coming too, didn’t you?

Regarding most of the above, I feel compelled to add, as Dave Barry so often has, that I am not making this up. I was quoting a real email that I really received, and all of the "testimonials" were really in that email. Just in case you were wondering (and just in case you try to Google "888" and get nothing but references to toll-free phone numbers).

* * * * *

Here is one more way in which mysterious cosmic forces are at work in my life. Nearly a year ago, a kind lady who goes by the name of Brennan sent me a contribution for the Bad Poetry page on my Cosmic Relief web site. Titled, "The Great Cosmic Birthday Bash," it was the first submission anyone had ever sent for that page, and I promised Brennan that I would put it up as soon as possible. Well, "soon" in Cosmic Connie time is sometimes much like "soon come" in Jamaican time. The Bad Poem (and in case you haven't guessed, it is intentionally bad) languished in my "In" box for many months, and then just yesterday I remembered it, and finally added it to the page. I sent Brennan an email telling her I had finally put the poem up, and also telling her about my new blog.

She thanked me, and then shared this astonishing piece of news with me: I had started the blog on her birthday. "Surely," she wrote, "it is no coincidence that you started your blog on my birthday and published my birthday poem on your one week anniversary. There is definitely some kind of cosmic activity going on here that bears investigating."

I think she’s right.