It's Monday and I suppose I should be working. But I'm taking a break for a few drive-by snarks and a couple of tributes.
Blonded by the light
As much as I like and respect Australians and long to visit Australia, I have to say that increasingly, the Land Down Under has become a center of New-Wage silliness. Besides the Blunder From Down Under, David Schirmer (who recently had to sell that big mansion he always bragged about), and the frenzy of ACCESS activity down there, we also have the Aussie Blonde phenomenon, as noted recently on Jody Radzik's Guruphiliac blog. When it comes to insipid New-Wage Aussie blondeness, The Secret's Rhonda Byrne was, apparently, only the beginning.
F'rinstance, there is Miranda ("previously known as 'Holden'"), whom some have called "Satsang Barbie." She's cute as a button, but there's more, oh, so much more to her than cuteness. She also has deep Presence, and I know that because I read it on her web site:
Most apparent is Miranda‘s depth of Presence, experience, and integration of approach, which translates in her ease in speaking to people in their language and level. Miranda is renowned for her profound capacity to help people open to direct experience of Truth and unwind their habits of suffering.And then there's a gal calling herself "Isira," who claims to be part aborigine, so of course that makes her deeply wise and astoundingly mystical in ways that you and I can only hope to be. (I dare you to watch the video on Jody's post in its entirety.) Isira's mission is to help us all embrace the truth that "You are here to be all that you can be." Rumor (or "rumour") has it that Isira bought that line cheap from the US Army.
Isira, according to one of her web sites, began performing at a very early age:
Born in South Australia, she began her path of awakening at the age of four when she experienced chakra healing and balancing through spontaneous meditative states, and practiced yoga without training or outside knowledge. Her early life suddenly and consistently displayed heightened psychic, artistic, healing and clairvoyant faculties, which naturally lead to ascetic practices.What Isira has to offer is, in blogger Jody's words....
...this pastiche of self-help un-helpfulness and ignorance-reinforcing, occluding concepts about nondual truth, all wrapped up in a pink bow of "Look at how special my enlightenment has made me! Oh, and aren't I pretty hot for a sage?"In the comments section accompanying his post, he noted, "...there are Aussie blondes everywhere willing to sell sh-t on a cracker, calling it spiritual truth in their rush to distribute their own pathological narcissism."
For years I've been saying that I've gotta find a scam, or at least a really good shtick. The problem is that there are just too many to choose from. Well, now my search is narrowing. As I said on Jody's blog, since I have the pathological narcissism down pat anyway, I am seriously thinking of perfecting my Aussie accent and becoming one of those phony enlightened Aussie guru-ettes.
Frankly, even though I've no desire to go blonde, I think I can do cute and insipid just as well as the next gal, and I look great in white gauze-y garments, except when my fake tan bleeds on them. So maybe I should wear tan gauze-y garments. Yeah, that's what I'll do.
Jody encouraged my career choice, saying, "If you do it, we will support you with many posts of profuse praise... for 10% of your take and a $10g down payment." Another Guruphiliac reader, "Kevinanda," chimed in, "Great! Upfront corruption is what we want!"
That's really not corruption, though; that would just make Guruphiliac my agent. I may be on my way to a brand new career.
Neale and pray that you, too, can be happier than the Big Guy!
Speaking of insipid, Neale Donald Walsch, who has made a fortune writing books and committing workshops and perpetrating bad movies about the voices in his head, has belatedly jumped on the Law Of Attraction bandwagon. The title of his newest book, Happier Than God, almost sounds like a big "Neener, neener!" to the Big Guy, but the truth is that he means no disrespect to the Creator of the Universe. Neale just really, really believes that life was meant to be good. The voices told him so.
Here in a nutshell is the premise of his new opus: Life was meant to be happy. You were meant to be happy. And if you're already happy, you were meant to be happier. Even if you're very happy, you can be even happier. How happy? Well, happier than God, that's how happy!
That's really all you need to know about the book, so you don't even need to buy it. After all, Neale is already happy enough. He has those voices to entertain him, and those thousands of other folks who are willing to pay to hear what the voices say. So he doesn't need you. Just get out there and get happy! And if you've a mind to, send me the money you would have spent on Happier Than God.
And speaking of Rhonda...
The creator of the world's most successful New-Wage infomercial may end up regretting that she Byrne'd a few of her original co-creators. The latest news in the pending lawsuit by Drew Heriot, director of the original DVD, is that the case will be heard in the US instead of Australia. Rhonda's legal eagles were trying to get it heard in Australia, which would have been extra expense and hardship for Drew, who's now living in L.A. Rhonda lives in the US as well, but presumably has lots more travel money than Drew. Here's the scoop.
The horse is the new dolphin
By this I don't mean that our equine friends have suddenly started getting themselves entangled in tuna fishermen's nets. I mean that horses have been co-opted by New Wage ninnies. Okay, as far as I know, no one is (yet) claiming that horses are an enlightened race of beings sent here from another dimension to aid us in the coming Galactic Shift... but there's still a lot of mystical horse sh-t being peddled these days. You can't go around the Net these days without stepping in some. I really am tempted to believe that horses have nearly upstaged dolphins on the New-Wage MVP list.
It was inevitable, I suppose, given that in recent years a gimmick known as Equine Assisted Psychotherapy has gained in popularity. And as psychotherapy goes, so goes the New Wage (and the selfish-help industry in general). There's even a professional association dedicated to healing with horses, the Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association, or EAGALA.
Various New-Wagers are trying to make a living by sharing the Magical Spirit of horses, in one way or another. I've written about a few of them previously. For example, Gary Douglas, founder of the aforementioned ACCESS, has a horse shtick. Then there's the Harmony With Horses program, perpetrated by Expansion Coach TM Christine Cole, where horses teach you about the Law Of Attraction.
And just the other day I stumbled across another company: The Horse Connection in Willow City, Texas. The Horse Connection is run by Nikki Theisinger, who is also a Minister of the Acadamie of Light (a wacko New-Wage clearinghouse, but that's a topic for another blog post). The Horse Connection works with adults and troubled children, teaching them the Magic of the Horse:
And if the horses don't do it, the unicorns and butterflies and rainbows will. One of the things they do at The Horse Connection, judging from some of the pictures on their site, is to teach disadvantaged, differently-abled and "special" kids to deface horses with graffiti. That's "Willie" you see in the picture.
Our children have become attached to the Magic of the Horse and that Magic was reflected in the delight and the Joy that was found in the Heart of the Horse. The children grew stronger in their desire to ride and were able to whisper their thoughts to each horse as they rode through the countryside. Before long the Magical Horses grew wings and were able to take flight through the magic of the childrens [sic] laughter. And soon the story of the magical winged horse spread through all the lands. As we observe the magic that still happens by Joining the Heart of each Child with the Horse we see the Joy reflected in mirror of our own HEARTS...and we live happily ever after.
Join us and let the Spirit of the Horses bring out "the kid in you"!
Join us and let the Spirit of the Horses bring out "the kid in you"!
Willie is also the most patient and loving horse for the children who come to the summer camps. Notice how he allows them to paint their lovely designs all over his body. He is truly an Equine Healer with a huge heart of gold allowing his body to become the canvas for their therapy and enjoyment.This kind of gives a whole new meaning to the term, "paint horse," doesn't it?
Speaking of which, I just recently learned that "pinto" and "paint" are not identical terms in the world of horses. Maybe you knew that, but I didn't. A "pinto," as you may know, is a horse with a splotchy color pattern, but a "paint" is a specific breed of pinto with known Quarter Horse and/or Thoroughbred bloodlines. (I suppose it's sort of the equine equivalent of being "part Cherokee Indian.")
I've always liked horses, but since I live around them now I have taken it upon myself to learn more about them. A frustrating hobby I recently undertook was learning horse colors, or trying to learn them, but I don't think I'll ever get it right. It's all much more complicated than you might think. If you thought it was just a simple matter of black, white, gray, red, spotted or palomino (which, of course, is a color pattern and not a breed – even I knew that), well, have I got news for you. Horse colors in general are very complex and, if you can believe it, controversial. According to the Wiki article on the subject...
"Discussion, research, and even controversy continues about some of the details, particularly those surrounding spotting patterns, color sub-shades such as "sooty" or "flaxen," and markings."See, even horse people can't agree on all of this stuff.
The more I read about horse colors the more confused I get. I am just about to give up on my pitiful efforts to figure out the differences between a "dun" and a "buckskin," or a "tobiano" and a "sabino," or a "roan" and a "rabicano," or a "perlino" and a "cremello," or a "serrano" and a "poblano"...oh, wait, maybe those last two aren't horse colors (you SEE how confusing it can get? My brain hurts!). Anyway, I suppose I could continue to study equine coloration, and it's possible that there would come a day when I would finally understand it, but I am thinking that maybe it doesn't really matter after all, especially since I suspect that horse people are just making these words up as they go along anyway.
I do know one thing, though. Don't get me wrong; I'm all for teaching disadvantaged children and troubled adults about the wonders of equine companionship. But graffiti belongs on public buildings, restroom doors and railroad cars, not on horses.
Mojo's blogaversary card to me
My new pal Mojo, whose Craptacular blog never fails to delight me, did a little tribute to Whirled Musings in honor of this blog's second birthday. Here 'tis.
The Tweet life with Blair Warren
I love reading anything by my pal Blair Warren. Here are some gems from his "favorites" page on Twitter:
Sell bullsh-t and you make money, then enemies. Sell truth and you just make enemies.And there's much more where that came from. Blair also occasionally posts on his Crooked Wisdom blog, and I'm hoping he's working on a couple of books, such as an update to his No-Nonsense Guide To Enlightenment.
When toddlers shut their eyes to make reality go away, it's funny. But when adults do the same with the Law of Attraction, it's tragic.
Some say we can change things merely by observing them, but I've been observing these people for years and their story hasn't changed a bit.
If a friend never says anything that makes you question the way you see the world, give him a cracker and go find yourself a new friend.
Well, that's it for now, cowpokes. I'm going to get back to work. Then The Rev and I are going to batten down the hatches, because storms are brewing in the area. There's a hurricane in the making (Edouard), and tornado and flash-flood watches are in effect around here as well, and we may lose our Internet for a while, as we always do when it even thinks about raining. I guess I can use the down time to get back to studying horse colors.