Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Friday, December 01, 2006

Friday fragments

Here it is December already, at least by the Gregorian Calendar. Since my thoughts are somewhat fragmented, I'll just scatter a few tidbits before going off to run some errands with The Rev…

Movin’ on up
Just got some wonderful news from my favorite Lightworker, Bryan James,* regarding the 50 million lost souls in the Nether Regions:

As of 11/27/06, about 80% have shown some movement (40 million), 70% of them (35 million) have opened their eyes, 6% are walking around with some help (3 million) and a small percentage (750,000) are asking questions like "Who am I?", "Where am I?", and "Why am I here?"

This is amazing progress, especially considering that some of these lost children have been sleeping down there for thousands of years. It took a miracle worker like Bryan, in conjunction with Shondra "The Chakra Queen" Bert, to wake these folks up. I have a strong feeling – call it intuition, call it psychic ability – that at this rate, the lost ones really will all be "home for Christmas," which is the Lightworkers' implicit goal. I’m not sure all of these lost souls actually celebrate Christmas, since some of them have been down there since before there even was a Christmas, or a Christ, but hey, those are just details. I expect to get an email on or about Christmas Eve, informing me that, thanks to the diligent work of Bryan and Shondra and a host of Holy Ones, the goal has been reached.

And there’s even more exciting news. Now, just in time for the Holy Season, you can hear the voice of Mary, Mother of God, Divine Mother of us all. I was a little disappointed to find out that Mary actually sounds a little timid and whiny, but that is probably because she’s using a nice upper-middle-aged lady (that would be our Shondra) as a vehicle. At least she isn’t speaking in a dreadful foreign accent like the masters who talk through Penny Torres, aka "ammagi," aka Swami Blonde. Anyway, to hear Mary speak about the Nether World project, the return of the Divine Feminine and some other crap important matters, click here.

And, as usual, your thoughts, prayers, love, light and monetary energy units will be appreciated to help Bryan and Shondra with their Nether World project.

I warned you about whales and dolphins…
…but y’all aren’t listening. How many "incidents" with
p.o.’d captive killer whales, or angry wild dolphins, is it going to take to convince you people?

I’ll say it once again: Dolphins and whales do not like us, and many of them actually hate us. I heard it from noted marine mammal biologist Dr. Dell Finnaday, and as a service to humanity I put the information on this blog (not to mention in my BLP (book-like product), Cosmic Relief). Find something else to go on enlightened swims with – clown fish, sea turtles, small octopi (who, according to some scientists, are as intelligent as domestic cats**) – and leave the cetaceans alone, for Goddess’ sake.

I apologize to The Secretrons
My sincerest apologies to angry fans of
The Secret who may have thought I was implying, on my November 28 post, that they are in any way hygiene-impaired. The misunderstanding was a result of my use of the well-known term "unwashed masses" to refer to the common people. I was only playing on the words of the Secret star who told ABCNews.com: "This is the most historic moment in history because this powerful information is being broadcast to the masses, to the people on the street in a way they can understand and relate to. They sit. They watch it. They absorb it." That sounded quite condescending to me, so I just carried on the condescending theme. Hey, that guy started it. Or, in LOA parlance, he attracted it.

In truth I am well aware that the average fan of The Secret is middle- to upper-middle-class, and many are striving mightily to be upper-class (not that there is really anything so distasteful as "class" in the New-Wage world. There are, however, ritzy gated communities in the Texas Hill Country, in Taos, in Sedona, on Maui, and in other enlightened spots.). At any rate, the average Secret fan is undoubtedly well-versed in personal hygiene, and is, I would venture to guess, an avid consumer of hygiene-related products, particularly if the word "aromatherapy" appears somewhere on the label.

However, since some of y’all did bring it up, I do wonder about some of the people who claim to have watched The Secret 200 times in two weeks, and the like. Unless they haul their hygiene materials out to the media room, or they have a TV or other device that allows them to view The Secret in their bathroom, it would seem that watching the best-selling infomercial would leave little time for personal hygiene or anything else. But then, maybe people who know The Secret are experts at multi-tasking, or perhaps even bilocation. I clearly know nothing about the subjects covered in The Secret, as a few enlightened souls have been kind enough to point out to me.***

And so in my abject state of ignorance I leave you, Dear Ones, to venture with The Rev out into the brilliant cold of this glorious December morning. Don’t forget to send your love and light to those lost souls in the Nether Worlds. Or, better yet, send me some money, and I’ll send the love and light for you.

* Why do I get the feeling that Bryan’s wife Lisa (whose pic appears on the Circle of Lights web site, but about whom nothing is actually said) is the main earner in the family, by virtue of having a real job that allows Bryan to engage in his New-Wage hobbies?
** And more intelligent than some cat owners.
*** Why does, "Jane, you ignorant slut?" come to mind?

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interestng and funny.
Self-Help comes in many forms.




Monday, December 04, 2006 2:21:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thank you, Swami, and you're right about self-help coming in many forms. The challenge, of course, is finding help that's truly helpful. :-) Thanks for writing!

Monday, December 04, 2006 2:27:00 PM  

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