Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Feeding of The Snark (An Entreaty In One Fit)

It appears that James Arthur Ray is not the only one who has been inspired of late by the works of the immortal Lewis Carroll.

If—and the thing is wildly possible—the charge of being a beggar were ever brought against the author of this Blog, it would be based, she feels convinced, on this post.
In view of this painful possibility, she will not (as she might) appeal indignantly to her other writings as a proof that she is not prone to begging: she will not (as she might) point to the strong moral purpose of this post itself, to the appeal for altruism so cautiously inculcated in it, or to its noble roots in Rudimentary Capitalism—she will take the more prosaic course of simply explaining how it came to be.
The Blogger, who is almost morbidly sensitive about appearing to be greedy, used to joyfully Blog away with no regard for the time or effort expended upon her posts and the accompanying Photo-composites, and it more than once happened, when the time came for Bills to be due, that there was a dearth of Funds to cover them. This was due to numerous Factors that are the everlasting bane of Free-lance Service Providers, but in some cases the Blogger's preoccupation with her Avocation may—just possibly—have played a smallish part. Her Partner knew it was not of the slightest use to try to persuade her to stop Blogging, nor, in truth, did he want her to, for he enjoyed her writing as much as did many others.
And yet, as the Ship that is the Blogger's and her Partner's Primary Business began to hit rough waters during the Great Recession of '09, the Blogger continued to Blog as if nothing were amiss. During some of these Blogging intervals the Primary Business sometimes sailed backwards, though it never sank, contrary to the claims of a certain Snargetly Gentleman.
Thus it was that, ultimately, the Blogger's Partner chose to set up a Paypal Account and provide her with the Code to easily add a Donation Widget to her Blog, knowing that she would continue to Blog whether or not she was getting Donations, for she loves her Blogging and she loves her Readers (even one or two of those who hate her). He knew that although her primary purpose was to provide Entertainment, her Blog was not merely a platform for gratuitous Snarking and, though entertaining, was on many occasions Educational as well. Yet her Partner gently but firmly reminded the Blogger that Time is Money, and that realistically, the Blog can only continue if there is an adequate supply of the latter. And so it should come as no surprise that our Blogger, rather than beginning to charge her Readers for the privilege of perusing her Random Thoughts, or, even worse, ceasing to Blog altogether, has added the Widget, and now gasps out, “Please Donate What You Can!”
* * * * *

Fit The First (And Only)
The Begging

“Just the place for some Snarks!” the Blogger cried,
As she gingerly typed her first post;
And soon she was waxing both silly and snide
On the things that amused her the most.
“Just the place for some Snarks! I've said it twice:
That alone should encourage the crowd.
Just the place for some Snarks! I've now said it thrice:
( I'm redundant as well as quite loud).”
The months turned to years, and the Blogger wrote on
About hustledorks, hucksters, and shams
She gleefully needled each swindler and con—
And schemes that she reckoned were scams.
She skewered the silly and badgered the bad
And Snarked about Industry Leaders
Some were appalled and a few got quite mad—
And yet... she's attracted some Readers.
The crowd that the Blogger has drawn is quite small—
Or so said a Snarget-ish bloke
Who claimed that the Blogger, and fans one and all
Are trivial, jealous, and broke.
"And the Blogger is Blogging without any pay!"
Said the Snarget with open disdain—
"She is wasting her time and her talent, I say:
She is lividly Snarking in vain!"
And yet it seems odd that the Blogger receives
Accolades, kudos and thanks
From hundreds who savor the tales that she weaves
Of flim-flammers, crackpots, and cranks.
And, oh—even odder!—the Blogger gets calls
From Media Folk, on occasion
To share her opinions and things she recalls
Of some masters of hype and persuasion.
The problem is this: When she Blogs, she's not working—
(A possibly troublesome matter)—
Meanwhile, her Snargets are sitting back smirking,
And watching their bankrolls grow fatter.
So the Blogger of late has emerged from her fog
To submit to her own third degree—
Her first question was: "Do I write my Blog
Or has my Blog been writing me?
"And do I provide any value at all
To the thousands who visit my site
Or am I just wasting my time and my life
(And was my friend Snarget...gasp...right?!?)
"Most importantly though," our fair Blogger inquired,
"Is Monetization for me?
My words have amused and impressed and inspired...
So just why am I Snarking for free?"
The truth of the matter, our Blogger then thought,
Is that Snarking's a pleasurable sport
I'll Snark if I'm paid, I'll Snark if I'm not
But I really would like some support.
Accordingly, then, she has added a tab
For Donations. 'Tis up there above
And if this all seems like a crass money grab
Well, it is. (But it's offered with Love.)
* * * * *
With all due apologies to Lewis Carroll
If you absolutely can't wait for your Penguin Classics copy of The Hunting of the Snark: An Agony in Eight Fits to arrive from Amazon.com, here is a link to the complete text, as well as the delightful illustrations by Henry Holiday:

PS ~ In all seriousness, donations in any amount are appreciated. Simply click on the "Donate" Tab towards the top of the page on the Web version. Or use the link below, which should show up on mobile apps as well.
And whether you donate or not, thanks for stopping by!

* * * * *
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disillusioned said...

Cosmic Connie, if you'd really gone over to the darkside you would have linked to amazon with your affiliate link and not given a free reading link to 'The Hunting of the Snark.'
Great spoof, Joe will be gnashing his teeth that he didn't put it out as a pdf and mp3 download, wait..... he may yet do just that.

Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Dis, and thanks. I probably should get into some kind of Amazon affiliate program, come to think of it.

I don't think Joe is much into spoofs and parodies. :-)

RevRon's Rants said...

We've been together going on 17 years, and you still amaze me! I need to let you know that more often.

Cosmic Connie said...

Thank you, Ron! :-)

Janelle said...

Absolutely Brilliant. Lewis Carroll would be honored, I believe.

I am delighted you've put up a donation button - it gives a more tangible way to say "Hey, thanks for entertaining and educating me today."

I will use your donation button; I will not send "U-No-Hoo" an Amazon.com gift certificate. Ever. Just Sayin'

Good Job. Bookmarked to share.

Cosmic Connie said...

Thank you, Janelle, for your kind words and your support. Very much appreciated!

SustainableFamilies said...

when i have any sort of disposable income that isn't going to toilet paper, electricity, and diapers, you and the guy at Furious Season will be the first on my list!

That is if the Furious Seasons guy ever starts blogging again, totally bummed he has found something else to do than blog about big pharma everyday. (Although good for him, thinking about big pharma is rather unpleasant.)

Cosmic Connie said...

Thanks, SF! I really appreciate it. I'm not familiar with the Furious Season blog but I'll check it out. I'm of two minds about Big Pharma. On the one hand, there's a lot to be p.o.'d about. On the other, some of their TV commercials are pretty entertaining, such as that Pristiq (anti-depressant) commercial where the crazy woman is obsessed with a wind-up doll. Or those Cialis commercials where the middle-aged couple are gazing into each other's eyes, and suddenly the walls of their house fall away and they're babbling about possible side effects, and then they're sitting in twin bathtubs in the middle of friggin' nowhere.

Plus, any industry that gave us Soma and Vicodin can't be all bad.

Anyway, thanks for your continuing support. I'll try to continue to keep you entertained. :-) (I know what you mean about electricity. Ron and I had a nearly $700.00 electric bill this past month, and we kept the house at 65 degrees most of the winter(!))

disillusioned said...

I don't see US TV so looked up the Cialis ad. By coincidence I found on this site where I am following some interesting volcanic activity in Iceland, a string of hilarious interpretations:


SustainableFamilies said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Now you mention money, I notice your book about Roswell is on Amazon for a mere £6.96 available for delivery to the UK, Europe and beyond.


Anonymous said...

And, indeed, avid fans may be able to pick up a rare edition of Cosmic Relief for a mere *cough* £31.25


Cosmic Connie said...

Thanks, Anon! Actually I don't get currently get any $ from sales of the Roswell book, which was an edit/rewrite project Ron and I did a few years ago. (If I ever sign on to an Amazon affiliate program I might get money, but I'm not currently signed up for that.)

But Cosmic Relief...yeah.

Anonymous said...

Why delete comments?
Are you really open to judgement?

Cosmic Connie said...

Anon April 14: I haven't deleted any comments from this post. There's one up above that was removed by the author -- Blogger allows you to remove your own comments from other people's Blogger blogs if you have a Blogger account of your own -- but I had nothing to do with this person's decision. However, the individual was kind enough to privately email me and explain the reason for the deletion. I appreciate my participants and I respect their choices.

Anonymous said...

Woah! That's alot of justifying for a little cash. You have brought to my mind the issue of accepting money and maintaining integrity. Is there a threshold? At what price are you owned?

Cosmic Connie said...

Oh, Anon (April 18), it's not called "justification." It's called "satire." I was satirizing a fairly well-known poem by a very well-known author (as well as the author's introduction to said poem), and the graphic is a take-off on the cover of a classic edition of that poem.

On a more subtle level, I suppose, I am also satirizing my own hesitancy -- even to this day -- to ask for money. I wrestle daily with those very issues of integrity that you bring up (sarcastically or not). But I have yet to reach the threshold where I am "owned." Might take millions of good U.S. dollars. You never know. ;-)

All in all, this post was an attempt to be clever with my begging. I could have just come out and said, "Buy me a latte" or "Buy me an Amazon gift certificate," but where's the fun in that?

You didn't happen to come over here from Mr. Fire's blog, did you?