Sunday, January 04, 2009

Mr. Fire meets up with true dough

Note to all: I've expanded this post a bit since I first published it on January 4. So if you read it then, you might want to read it again because there's more now. And don't forget to read the "comments" section for more information, entertainment and links.
~CC (1-06-09)


Forget that brief fling between Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale and the now-failed Succeed Magazine,
one of embattled Aussie Secret star David Schirmer's boondoggles. That is sooooo last year. Now we have what is potentially the absolute ultimate Match Made In Hustledork Heaven (or at least New-Wage Nirvana).

I give you Joe Vitale and Kevin Trudeau, infomercial king, bestselling author, and convicted con artist. Joe recently had a three-hour dinner with Trudeau and his lovely young wife, Natalie. A good time was apparently had by all, as they drank expensive Scotch and talked about everything from infomercials and other moneymaking schemes to Joe's car collection (I know, big surprise on the latter).

In his blog post, Joe mentions in passing that he is aware of Trudeau's troubles:

I'm well aware of Kevin's long term fight with the government, his prison time, his current federal restrictions, etc.
Yet the man I met is sincere, passionate, and dedicated. He is on a mission to help people get healthy and get out of debt. He's been to sixty countries in search of health cures that truly work. When he finds them, he reports on them. He's fearless about it, too.
As usual, most of the responses to this post were positive. A guy named James, however, just couldn't let go of the issue about Kevin's bad press:

The guy gets major negative press though. What's up with that?
ABC 20/20: John Stossel Exposes Liar Kevin Trudeau
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YN5ihrECJms*
To which Joe responded:
James, see my Dec 24 post about paying attention to the mainstream media.
Blessings,
joe
A little later another reader named Paul chimed in:
James, You can't trust the media. If they have no bad news they'll create it. They are trying to create dirt on Kevin Trudeau. I call him Kevin Truthdeau. I like his stuff. I have Natural Cures They Don't Want You To Know About the 1st and Second Edition and More Natural Cures Revealed. Joe are going to invite kevin to the Zero Limits event in April? It would be really cool if you did. It goes to show that sickness starts in the mind and cancer is no exception to the rule. I believe in home remedies and natural cures. It seems like the best of both worlds in the same place at the same time.
Joe failed to respond to Paul's question about the Zero Limits event, so Paul repeated it a couple of days later. Paul also responded to another reader who was critical of Trudeau, saying, "You can't believe the government or the media. The government and the media has [sic] a personal vendetta against Mr. Trudeau." Which, of course, has been Trudeau's big line of defense to his customers.

Yet another reader, Wendy, was bothered by Joe's association with Trudeau.

Hi again Joe:
I have looked further into Kevin’s troubled life and quite frankly I am surprised that you would assoicate yourself with him. Sorry but I have to question your judgement on this one.
Joe responded:
Hi Wendy. I had dinner with the guy; I didn’t marry him. Besides, unconditional forgiveness is the path to magic and miracles. If I sat in judgement of Kevin and denied his offer to have dinner because of what the media says about him, I’d be a limited-thinking fool. As it turned out, the evening with him was unforgettable and wonderful. He was very helpful to me. In fact, one of my dear friends is ill and Kevin was right there with support and resources to help. Had I passed on the dinner with him, i would have passed on an oppourtunity [sic] to learn and grow and to help a friend.
Blessings,
joe
I hope you will forgive me – unconditionally, of course – if it seems to me that Joe's deliberate glossing over Trudeau's troubles is tantamount to admitting that it really is all about the "hypnotic" marketing and the money after all, and little else matters, even when you dress it up with talk of "magic and miracles." In both his blog post and his comments to concerned readers, Joe has repeatedly made it known that he doesn't give a rat's behind about the trouble Kevin has been in. It is simply not important to him. He concluded his post by stating that he has decided he needs to hang around Kevin, and successful people like Kevin, more. "He stretched my thinking, challenged my thinking, and enriched my thinking," Joe enthused.

As it happens, Kevin Trudeau was the very example I used more than once
when responding to comments on my own blog regarding David Schirmer (as well as other hustledorks and New-Wage schemes). When speculating about Schirmer's plans to come to the US and make it big on these shores, one person mentioned that because of his growing legal and personal troubles, and the resulting bad publicity, there was no way he would ever be accepted here. I tried to temper that optimism by mentioning Trudeau, whose work has been refuted by experts in numerous fields, who has been the target of hundreds of consumer complaints over the years, and who has actually done prison time for fraud...and yet he's back, bigger than ever, and his products continue to sell like hotcakes.
Now, don't get me wrong. I recognize that few issues are black and white; there are shades of gray to be sure. Yes, the US government can be intrusive and has been known to imprison people, or worse, on questionable charges (and I'm being charitable here. Very charitable.). Yes, the pharmaceutical industry often seems far more interested in profits than in actually improving people's health (and once again, I am being very charitable). Yes, the mainstream medical profession as a whole can also seem to be a bit jealous of its turf when it comes to "alternative" health products and practices (although I still like to think that most doctors are primarily motivated by concern for the well-being of their patients). And certainly one has to temper the offerings of the mainstream media with the knowledge that most media outlets, including news divisions, are in business for ratings, which translate, of course, into money, money, money.
Trudeau, however, has been nailed time and time again while jumping from one deceptive scheme to the next. I find it hard to believe that this is because the media and the US government and "Big Pharma" and the medical profession are all out to get him.

Here's a link to a good blog post that concisely summarizes why Kevin Trudeau is not to be trusted.

If you want more details, here is
an article from Skeptical Inquirer.

If that's a bit too...well...skeptical...for your taste, try the offering from Salon.com, the online magazine,
which ran a feature on Trudeau a few years ago.

My pal Steve Salerno at SHAMblog has written about Trudeau a few times too, most notably
here and here.

And here's
yet another useful page from another skeptic, Robert T. Carroll of Skepdic.

But I think you get the idea. There's a lot of information out there about Kevin Trudeau, and most of it is not good.

As for the mainstream media (of which
the John Stossel link mentioned above is a more representative example than those in the paragraphs just above), despite the ratings factor, not everything in the media is a lie. As I noted, it's not all black and white, and that goes for the critics as well as for those being criticized. The profession of newsgathering and reporting still includes many people of great integrity; I know several of them personally. Very simply, they're not all mercenaries who are out to assassinate the characters of poor helpless con artists...er...entrepreneurs...in order to get a good story.
And what about the hundreds of Amazon readers who blasted Trudeau's books; are they also part of "the mainstream media" (or the government, or the pharmaceutical industry), and therefore not to be believed? To wit:
And so on.

If all of these dissatisfied readers are not to be believed, then by logic, we must also take with more than a grain of salt all of the five-star reviews of Trudeau's work (not to mention all of those glowing five-star Amazon reader reviews of Joe Vitale's many titles).
And here's a site linking to consumer complaints about Trudeau. Judging from the dates on the most recent complaints, the man is still apparently bilking consumers left, right and sideways. And getting away with it.

Then again, maybe these "complaints" are simply more fabrications of the mainstream media. Or maybe they were planted there by Big Pharma. Or maybe they, as well as those pesky one-star Amazon reviews, should just be dismissed as opinions, and everyone knows that
opinions are like...well...you know.

On a more serious note – and here I'll acknowledge that I am venturing dangerously close to Godwin's Law territory, albeit without the Nazis – if more people truly did follow the increasingly popular advice about completely ignoring the mainstream media (and/or practicing "unconditional forgiveness"), there might be some unintended consequences. It's possible, for example, that Radovan Karadžić, the alleged Bosnian Serb war criminal who was captured last year, wouldn't have even had to grow a beard and assume the identity of a dead man in order to win followers. He could simply have broken into the New-Wage/selfish-help bidness as himself. Nobody would have cared, as long as he offered the requisite miracles and wonders for which people are so hungry.

As for unconditional forgiveness, how far are we really willing to take that concept? On a personal level it's one thing; truly forgiving someone who has wronged you personally (whether or not they ask for forgiveness) can be very healing. But that's a choice that can only be made by the individuals involved, and one has to wonder how this sort of forgiveness even applies to Joe Vitale and Kevin Trudeau. Has Kevin in some way wronged Joe personally or professionally? If not, then for Joe to even imply that he has the right to "forgive" Kevin for scamming thousands of other people is nothing short of arrogant.

And what about "unconditional forgiveness" on a societal level? Are we willing to take it far enough to set wrongdoers of all kinds free to do as they wish? If so, that's great news for the infamous Bernie Madoff, whose appalling misdeeds Joe all but dismissed on the above-mentioned December 24 blog post. Joe hadn't even heard of Madoff till a reader asked if the victims of Madoff's high-dollar scamming had somehow "attracted" their victimization. Joe responded with his usual advice that folks were better off ignoring the mainstream media, and, yes, he implied that perhaps some of the victims were also responsible for what Madoff did to them.**


He even suggested that some of them might have actually been relieved to have lost their fortunes (perhaps because of their subconscious beliefs that money is evil). It was apparently all too complex, in a Law Of Attraction and perhaps karmic sort of way, for Joe to waste much time speculating about; his main point was that people are simply happier, overall, if they ignore the news. Psst, Bernie, if you ever get out of prison, maybe you too can hook up with Kevin Trudeau, and then you can bilk people on levels you've only dreamed of.
Granted, Kevin Trudeau's scams are hardly on the scale of Karadžić's alleged war-time atrocities. I get that. But it seems clear that he is a scammer nonetheless, arguably as bad in his own way as Bernie Madoff, or perhaps even worse – and yet so many people seem not to care at all. Trudeau himself told Joe that no matter what happens, he, Trudeau, can't be beat and will always win. And maybe he's right, if "winning" can be measured in terms of earnings and material success. Trudeau certainly seems to have plumbed the murky depths of the collective consumer heart, having proven repeatedly that millions will jump at a chance to be privy to "secrets" that "they don't want you to know about." A lucky few will get to make millions off of the masses who long to be privy to these "secrets."

It remains to be seen if Mr. Fire will actually enter into any joint ventures with Kevin Trudeau, but I wouldn't be surprised. When money calls, Joe answers. (Although I have no way of knowing, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he received a bit of compensation for writing that complimentary blog post about Kevin. I'm just speculating, of course, but it's not beyond the realm of possibility.) Plus, he has been known to have his head turned by flattery, and it looks as if Kevin and his lovely young bride flattered him plenty.

Kevin’s wife seemed starstruck. Turns out she is a big fan of all my books. And I mean all of them. They went on a shopping spree at Amazon and bought every title they could find by me.
Natalie, his wife, had lots of questions about the Law of Attraction and my writing career. She hung on my every word, as did Kevin. It was very flattering.

Kevin and I spoke about many things, from performing magic (we’re both lifetime members of the Society of American Magicians), to infomercials (he had no idea of my experience with them) to network marketing to health cures to hypnotic storytelling.

I told him about my own infomercial for The Awakening Course. He asked about numbers and results, none of which I had at hand.
He said I should be on TV more. He said I am good looking, articulate, and sincere. (Thank you, Kevin.)
This might even trump having an old Hawaiian mystic (speaking of Zero Limits) tell you that you're one of God's Original 10, or that you are the Jesus of business, or that he (the old mystic) should be sitting at your feet because you are "as gods." (Read all about it here; scroll down to the section titled, "Joe Almighty.") Hey, that mystical/god stuff is all right, but given a choice between being fawned over by an old geezer or a cute young blond, I strongly suspect that most red-blooded hetero guys would choose the latter every time.
Particularly if that blond happens to be attached to a potential fame ticket and unprecedented money op.***

PS ~ Here's a link to some laughs at True-dough's expense. Unfortunately, it is really not much of an exaggeration.
* John Stossel's 20/20 segment about Kevin Trudeau isn't new, of course – Trudeau has published several more books in the interim – but it's very revealing nonetheless. Also revealing are the recent responses to the video (more than likely a result of the link Joe provided on his blog), painting critics of Trudeau as idiots who have been brainwashed by the mainstream media, the pharmaceutical industry, the government, etc.
**
Actually, in a few cases it's true that some people "attracted" Madoff, or at least deserved him; some folks apparently invested with Madoff because they suspected he was cheating (though they thought it was by illegal insider trading, not an illegal Ponzi scheme). But it doesn't take some convoluted crap about the Law Of Attraction to explain pure and simple greed.
*** Here is a link to an article in the online edition of the Salem (MA) News about the June 2008 wedding of Kevin Trudeau and the lovely Natalie. It was a civil ceremony held at the City Hall in Beverly, Massachusetts, a spot chosen because, as Kevin explained, "We decided this is a nice, beautiful courthouse." The bride, a native of the Ukraine, wore traditional Ukrainian attire and jumped excitedly up and down, kissing Kevin while his new mother-in-law snapped photos of them in front of City Hall. The article said the couple planned to have a more lavish ceremony overseas at some point, but they didn't know where or when. The purpose of the Massachusetts ceremony, according to Kevin, was that "We wanted to make it a U.S. marriage." Now, that's patriotism. God bless the U.S.A.! To me the most noteworthy points of the wedding story were the quotations from the switchboard operator at the courthouse. Apparently a passionate Kevin Trudeau fan, she gushed about how handsome the groom was, and said she nearly fainted when he shook her hand after he signed her copy of his natural-cures scam book, and his bride gave her the wedding bouquet. For the life of me, I do not understand how people can be so starstruck over this hustler, but they are. Look at this comment from "mike alaska," for example, on Joe Vitale's blog.



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80 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sadly, Connie, Karadzic still has huge popular support in the Balkans. His disguise was an open secret amongst the local police politicos and populace--how else would he evade capture for so long? He is by no means generally reviled as a war criminal.
I guess the vagaries of human nature could account for the continuing poularity of Trudeau and Vitale also.

Cosmic Connie said...

Anon, it *is* sad about Karadzic having continuing popular support. Still, if more people were more "unconditionally forgiving" (and/or ignored the mainstream media), Karadzic wouldn't have even had to disguise himself at all.

And I do want to emphasize again that I'm not comparing either Trudeau or Vitale to war criminals. However, both Joe and Kevin do apparently have enough of an understanding of the vagaries of human nature, as you put it, to be able to successfully exploit some of people's deepest longings.

Anonymous said...

Kevin’s wife seemed starstruck. Turns out she is a big fan of all my books. And I mean all of them. They went on a shopping spree at Amazon and bought every title they could find by me.

(...)

She hung on my every word, as did Kevin. It was very flattering.

Kevin and I spoke about many things


...the most important of which, however, was that...

I should be on TV more. He said I am good looking, articulate, and sincere. (Thank you, Kevin.)

No, thank YOU, Joe, for the unintentional joke of the week. (A month? A year?)

Connie, this is hilarious. A real love-fest between those two.

BTW, WV: astral. Only on Whirled Musings...:)

Steve Salerno said...

Great, great post, CosCon. I continue to be amazed at the impudence--OK, the balls--of some of these people. More than that, I continue to be amazed at the way they can say/do things that insult people's intelligence, or should insult people's intelligence, and yet a fair portion of their customer base remains faithful and even laps it up.

Notice, also, the spin of Joe's brief rendering of Trudeau's legal problems--his "long term fight with the government," almost as if to cast KT as some mythic warrior and patron saint of the oppressed masses who's been engaged in a heroic struggle for truth, justice and the American way. Folks, the guy's not Lech Walesa. Trudeau's a scam artist of the first order, and he and Vitale deserve each other.

Anonymous said...

Hi Cosmic!

Just found your blog. Great work! After receiving Joe's latest spam e-mail promoting Trudeau, I sent a comment to JV's blog, asking him if he had any kind of arrangement with Kevin, and suggesting that his readers deserved to know whether he had any vested interest in Trudeau's scam (I didn't call it a scam in the comment, however; I was respectful.). Naturally, he didn't publish my comment, which says a lot in itself, don't you think?

Below is a snippet from the e-mail Joe sent out. You tell me whether he's promoting Trudeau or not. Here's the snippet:

"What's a cure for cancer?

How do you lose 45 pounds in 45 days?

What's a brilliant way to sell 30,000,000 copies of a book in 30 minutes?

How do you handle problems so they
are actually welcomed?

Visit my blog and get all the answers."

The way I read it, Vitale is promoting Trudeaux's discredited scam "treatments" as being viable. Perhaps whoever sold Joe his "Doctorate" will revoke it... HaHaHa!

Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Elizabeth. And if you want more giggles, check out THIS Jan. 5 comment to the Trudeau blog post from one of Joe's faithful readers, a guy named Josh:

== BEGIN COMMENT ==
Josh says

Wow 30 million books!!! Thats helping a lot of people. Yes there are natural cures. I call them the ‘Pepto Bismol of life” because we all need to get “unstuck” and be one with the Universe. I mean, we already are, but fight it and then things go outta wack. Seriously, go out and read Joe’s Books. Join a group and surround yourself with people who want to enjoy the Universe. Get out of your head and get into Joe’s Rolls. P.S. I will give anybody reading this post a free domain name. If you are into positive actions and results then this is a very catchy domain name that you can register. I thought of it and never registered it myself. The Universe told me to give it away. Here it is…:”Abundanceamongus”

==END COMMENT==

Ummm...Josh, I don't even know where to begin. How is Pepto Bismol a "natural cure?" And isn't Pepto more often used for diarrhea rather than constipation, in which case its function would be to get you more "stuck" rather than "unstuck?"

Josh did seem to hit on something right when he advised people to get out of their heads and into Joe's Rolls. I think a person would have to be somewhat out of his or her head to plunk down five grand to ride around in Joe's Rolls with him. (In the interests of full disclosure, however, some of the "Phantom Riders" seem very pleased with the results of their evening. One lady even...hold on to your hats, folks, because this is BIG...was so inspired by her Phantom evening that she actually launched a new blog. Wow.)

As for the Universe telling Josh to give away that domain name, "Fungusamongus," or something to that effect... well, gee, all I can say is what we've so often said before: You can't make this stuff up.

Then again, maybe the name "Josh" is a clue in itself. Perhaps the writer is just "joshing" Joe.

Cosmic Connie said...

Hi, Steve. Impudence, balls, unmitigated gall; all describe Trudeau, IMO. And yes, you hit it right on the head when you said Joe was attempting to paint Kevin Trudeau as a martyr. That is exactly how Kevin paints himself. And millions apparently believe him.

Here's the real kicker, though, as pointed out in another blog post I linked to in my own post. Ironically, even though Kevin claims the government is out to get him, the government is really his best friend...

==BEGIN QUOTATION:==

Kevin Trudeau has been sued by various government entities over the years and they have all ended the same way. The state accepts a large payment from Trudeau, often for millions of dollars, and in exchange Trudeau is not forced to admit to any wrongdoing.

While this leads to extra money for the government, it’s an extremely poor way to punish a snake-oil salesman like Kevin Trudeau. Trudeau continues to brush off criticism by proclaiming that he has never been proven to be misleading people. In fact, he has turned it into a marketing gimmick by telling potential customers that the government is “out to get him”.

Despite filing multiple lawsuits over the years, the government is largely to blame for Trudeau continuing to rip people off. The settlements are always for far less than the profits that Trudeau receives from selling his sham products. Occasional government penalties are simply written off by Trudeau as operating expenses for his business.

==END QUOTATION==
source of the above quotation:
http://www.tinydad.com/5-reasons-why-you-should-never-trust-kevin-trudeau/

Despite his repeated claims that he knows all about Kevin's troubles, but that they don't matter, Joe may be getting himself into deeper doo-doo than he realizes.

Anonymous said...

LOL, Connie! And I thought Joe was funny! While there comes Josh...

Oh my, oh my. This is an endless supply of comedic material -- and some of it because of my own dimness, I admit. 'Cuz when Josh exhorts us to get out of our heads and into Joe's Rolls, I had to pause, not sure which rolls he had in mind. Either way, it just sounded unappetizing to me.

Fungusamongus... I'm sure there is a natural cure for that too. (BTW, sounds like a great name for a blog.)

Alright, off I go to surround myself with people who want to enjoy the Universe or somethin'.

P.S. $5,000 for plunging into those rolls...?? I mean, Rolls? Even the Spitzer hooker did not charge so much.

Cosmic Connie said...

Well, hello, Joe Kersey. I recognized your name as one who previously confronted Joe on his own blog; as I recall, Joe went to some lengths a few months back to explain to you, in response to a comment you made to one of his posts, that NO, he doesn't know David Schirmer, and he didn't even know that David Schirmer was associated with the now-failed "Succeed" Magazine until all was said and done.

Of course I was reading between the lines, as I so often do, but it seemed to me that Joe was at least marginally aware of Schirmer's alleged misdeeds in Australia, and knew that Schirmer had pretty much been disgraced, and he sensed a potential PR challenge. So he had to make it very clear that he had nothing to do with Schirmer.

So why would he do this with Schirmer, and yet go out of his way to boast about his dinner with Trudeau? I think the answer is obvious. Schirmer, as we know, is small potatoes compared to Trudeau. It's true that if he has done all of the things he's been accused of, he has hurt many people both professionally and personally, and I am not discounting their losses and emotional suffering. But Trudeau has scammed on a much larger scale than Schirmer, and he continues to scam, and he continues to rake in the big bucks that I imagine Schirmer can only dream of.

My guess is that Joe, sensing that Schirmer was too small-time to be worth the potential PR nightmare, thought it worthwhile to openly disassociate himself from Schirmer (even though he continued to exploit that cover story about himself on Schirmer's magazine).

But Trudeau...ah, that's a different story. Now we're talking big potatoes, earnings-wise. The profit potential for Joe surely must have been a consideration not only in his blog post about Trudeau but on his email blast. That's worth taking up the mantle of Trudeau's defense, painting him as a martyr who is fighting the good fight for consumers everywhere. (Plus, controversy equals publicity, and there's no such thing as bad publicity, right?)

So yes, I think you nailed it when you said that Joe is promoting Trudeau, albeit indirectly, in that email you quoted. Another correspondent is also on Joe's list and sent me the email in full.

The email itself is VERY deceptive,
by the way (no big surprise there, eh?). In his message Joe says you'll find the answers to the questions, "What's a cure for cancer?" and "How do you lose 45 pounds in 45 days?" by reading his blog post. Which, of course, you don't. The only "answer" you really get by reading the post is the name of the "controversial" marketer he hints about, but whose name he doesn't mention, in the email.

I think I know Joe well enough to know that he's not going to go to the lengths of writing a blog post, and creating an email blast to boot, about someone unless there's $omething in it for him. It seems clear that he's doing some sort of promotional thing for Kevin. Think of it: it's win-win. Joe gets more money, even if he has to do it in a circuitous way to avoid FTC/FDA problems, and Kevin, by associating with the "Buddha of the Internet" will get into the good graces of a large and gullible market that he hasn't yet reached.

I did see that the very first commenter on Joe's blog asked him which "German method" of weight loss Kevin used. Joe claimed he didn't know but that it was in Kevin's book, "The Weight Loss Cure 'They' Don't Want You To Know About." Though I have no way of knowing, I am sure that in fact Joe knows very well what "method" Kevin used; they probably discussed it in detail, as weight loss has been an area of concern for Joe for many years.

Regarding that weight-loss method, as numerous critics have pointed out, the only people who can really follow Kevin's plan are those who have lots of money. It's all but impossible for the average person to follow, as it involves frequent and expensive body cleanses of various types, expensive hormone injections, and lots of supplements. In fact, even if you plunk down the thirty bucks or so for Kevin's weight loss book, you STILL don't get all of the answers you need. You have to go to his web site and pay to get more information. And then you have to buy all of those products.

Here's a link to a summary of Kevin Trudeau's weight-loss method that "they" don't want you to know about:

http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/0/240/RipOff0240019.htm

In short, I think that the Joebots would do well to remember that Kevin was advising Joe on how he, Joe, could make lots more money using Kevin's marketing methods. Hold on to your wallets.

Anonymous said...

Connie... You can't do that to unsuspecting folks (me). Lordy lord... I followed your link to their "unforgettable" dinner story on Joe's site...

You can't do this to the innocents. Seriously. Next time attach some kind of a warning, OK? PG-13, R, something. Or S for mind-boggling stupidity.

How can one even read this without spontaneously exploding? (Though I'm sure there is a cure for that in Truedough's book too.)

He said cancer was usually due to stress, and usually concerns unexpressed grief. He said methods such as Roger Callahan’s tapping technique, called Thought Field Therapy, could help release the wound up psychic energy behind cancer. He added that simple relaxation audios could also help.

Kevin lost 45 pounds (in 45 days) after discovering a German method for losing weight. It’s one reason why he looks so much younger these days.


And the crap goes on and on, including that priceless bit about Truedough's invincibility or such.

There are no words, really, at least in my current state of mind, to express an appropriate response to this load of crap (and that's probably a charitable description).

RevRon's Rants said...

Elizabeth - You should keep in mind that crap does play a useful function in the grand scheme of things, and is a valuable contributor to the overall well-being of the ecosystem. As such, I find your labeling Vitale / Truedough's efforts as "crap" to be not only inaccurate, but downright offensive... to crap.

Cosmic Connie said...

Elizabeth, I'm sorry if your appetite was ruined or you were in any danger of spontaneously exploding. But you're right; there is rich comedic material here. I think I see YouTube in our future...

Cosmic Connie said...

Re crap: yeah, what Ron said.

Cosmic Connie said...

Okay, Eliz (and everyone else), more comedic gold. Here's another comment recently published on Joe's blog post about Truedough:

==BEGIN COMMENT==
Anna says

hi again everyone:) when I was re-reading these posts again today I couldn’t help but notice that some of us seem somewhat shocked or prejudiced - I mean Mr. Trudeau - I know he’s had some…uh, let’s say “unusual” experience but I seriously can’t see him as a bad person - he was sentenced to jail, he’s had some governmental issues..but still this does not mean he’s…”doomed” does it?
I think everyone deserves a second, third, fourth etc. chance - I mean, look - I myself have been promising my family that I’d get a grip and get over this bulimic phase I’ve been having for a year now. I keep promising, and then breaking these promises I’ve made - and still they don’t think ill of me. They keep trying to help and I keep trying to recover (- thanks to Joe life seems rich and easy and I dare to think of future without bulimia)…

so, form my own experience - I believe we should not judge anyone. no matter what they do, and what others will think about us or our associating with this particular person(I mean within certain limits…but even if a mass murderer asks for help (s)he should not be denied it). everyone should have a chance for a little “redemption”:)

I mean it might sound a bit strong for this case, but I can’t find any other words to explain it save for this shocking example:) so don’t think ill of me please:))

cheers:)))
==END COMMENT==

Hmmm. Anna has bulimia, which apparently threatens to destroy her and is a matter of great concern to her family. Trudeau is a mass scammer. How are these two things even remotely comparable?

That's the sort of thing that makes me want to laugh till I...well...puke. Then again, it could be that Anna is just playing Mr. Fire for a fool.

Come to think of it, *that* possibility is even funnier.

Anonymous said...

Connie and Ron, my sincere apologies to crap.

Now, one of the commenters on Joe's site (under that horrible dinner post), who clearly is smitten with all things Kevin and Joe, says that Kevin's book (books?) is great and has been totally useful to him and his wife, cuz they found "a couple of solid" tips or somethin' such in it.

Sigh.

Do people know that they can find a couple of solid tips on anything by performing a simple Internet search, which is free and which will connect them with reputable organizations and sources of information? (Duh.) Or is it just a post-facto rationalization of a totally unnecessary expense? (Plus a reluctance to abandon the "positive thinking" frame of mind...)

This is all unbelievable, taken altogether. Connie, what can I say, I admire your fortitude in pursuing these folks. While it can be funny to an occasional dabbler and observer like myself, the problem is depressingly serious, really, and I think it takes nerves of steel and then some to delve into it full-time, more or less.

Anonymous said...

Connie, I think Anna is pulling everyone's collective leg. She can't be serious... can she?

Don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Anonymous said...

OTOH, I think I should start getting out more often (or not!) Today I've stumbled upon some site discussing the death of Travolta's son, and the comments expressed by some folks literally took my breath away. You can't make this stuff up, you're right, Connie. It's so rich in tragicomedy that it rips your heart apart even as you laugh at its outward... er, naivete. Like Anna's comment. Gosh...

Cosmic Connie said...

Elizabeth, apology accepted, at least on my part, although I cannot speak for Ron or for crap. I'm sure Ron will speak for himself. And if you'll give me a minute I'll go into the living room and consult with the cats' litter boxes...

...Okay, I'm back. As it turned out, I didn't even have to consult the litter boxes, because there was a little cat turd sitting right there on the floor. Either Sabu found a new toy, or he was simply reminding me that it's time to clean out the boxes. Anyway, I spoke to the little turd telepathically (I'm talking about the cat doot, not one of the hustledorks I've been writing about), and it (the doot) said it understands your remarks; it and its fellows are quite used to being reviled. But they accept their place in the grand scheme of things and are proud of it.

The turd told me many other things about life, the Universe, and everything, and I was so inspired that I am now in the process of creating an e-book about it. I am also going to produce a New-Wage moviemercial featuring a stellar lineup of feces from different species. I have learned that each type of turd has something unique to convey to us. And since we are surrounded here on The Ranch by cats, dogs, horses, cows, donkeys, mice, roaches, and rabid coyotes and skunks, I have access to an astonishing variety of wisdom.

I'm so excited my hands are shaking...

Cosmic Connie said...

Eliz, I'm of two minds about Anna. My first thought was that she HAD to be joking, but if so, she's carrying the "joke" onto Joe's next blog post. He just published a boast about being in a slick hustledork car collectors' mag, and Anna (I'm assuming the same Anna) was the first to jump in and congratulate him.

Anonymous said...

Connie, I'm proud of you! I knew you had this in you. :) I can't wait to read your Crapbook! It's going to be quite a treat, I know.

And thanks for speaking to crap on my behalf (why didn't I think of it myself? It's so easy to do from my corner of the world). I'm relieved that Crapsters are not offended and are so forgiving in general. Frankly, I would not expect anything less of them. Give'em my best... Or, wait, I can do it myself (duh). Be back later. ;)

P.S. One of my WV this morn was fecetundo. Ya think they are on to us...?

P.S.2. This one is munge. No comment necessary

Anonymous said...

Alright, Connie. I admit it's all my fault. I've been guilty of not paying proper attention to your posts the way they absolutely deserve. Mea inattentive culpa.

Scrolling down your site, I found the link to The Quantum Conscious Catalyst, Dreaming-Bear Kanaan, "blending spoken word artistry with inspired transmissions"...

No. No, no, no. No, no. Nooo....
No. NO.

It's hard to describe what happens in my body and mind when I'm confronted with gurus or guru-wannabes. Suffice it to say that I'm acutely allergic to this stuff.

But, but... Just look at that inspired face -- how can you not love and trust the guy, right?

Ugh. Help.

I'm so freakin' unenlightened that such awesome amount of Holy Wisdom and Love makes me break out in hives.

There is that video of him in Israel.... On his "Tour of Tenderness" (nooooo!)... He uses ancient (of course) Hawaiian (why not) wisdom (obviously) called O Ho porno porno... I mean, Ho O pono pono, my dyslexic mistake, to spread his message of Enlightened Love: "All we have to do is love each other without shame! There is salvation at last! Let me love you without conditions!"

Forgive me, oh inspired Bear, but hearing these words makes me want to buy a gun. And keep it, loaded, in my pocket at all times.

Gawd.

Anonymous said...

LOL that is so hilarious. Just watch we'll see Vitale screwed over by Trudeau in a heartbeat.

Don't they get why they Trudeau's were soooooooooo interested in what Vitale had to say. There is a sucker born every minute.

Leopards DO NOT change their spots and all the Davey Schirmers and Kevy Trudeau's out there have only ONE thing in mind and that is to get rich quick off other people and I bet they all sit around boasting about their incredible relationship with GOD. I'm just not sure who their GOD is, I suspect he has an $ shaped figure.

I am an UNBELIEVER of these people because of personal experience.

RevRon's Rants said...

"hearing these words makes me want to buy a gun. And keep it, loaded, in my pocket at all times."

God, I love it when you talk dirty! With all the asshats peddling snake-oil nowadays, I knew you'd come around eventually! :-)

Cosmic Connie said...

Eliz: "Fecetundo?" "Munge?" Oh, my, those WV 'bots are over the top (or under the bottom, as it may be). Funny, in a scary kind of way.

Anonymous said...

Well, Ron, what's a girl to do...;)

But I misspoke and I apologize.

I'd keep the loaded gun in my (carefully selected for the outfit) lovely handbag.

Cosmic Connie said...

Eliz, not to worry about not spending more time on my crazy Whirled. I have, I admit, had a lot of fun at Dreaming-Bear's expense. I think my best work about him was my post in September of 2007, regarding his adventures at the annual Burning Man gathering in Nevada:
http://cosmicconnie.blogspot.com/2007/09/dreaming-bear-speaks-of-burning-man.html

Interestingly enough, I recently received a private email from Dreaming-Bear himself. Or at least it was from someone who claimed to be Dreaming-Bear, and wrote remarkably like Dreaming-Bear. And the email address was from the Love Evolution Foundation, which is one of D-B's organizations. So I am assuming that it was indeed D-B who wrote it.

I won't go into detail about it right now because I have yet to secure permission from him to publish it. He did seem to imply that he wanted me to share it but that he doubted I would. However, as he didn't actually say it was for publication, I wanted to make sure before I published it.

I received the email on December 18 and answered him on the same day, asking him if I could publish his email on my blog. I never received a reply. Thinking that perhaps his spam filter had nabbed my email (as sometimes happens with Juno email addresses by default), I sent another email to him the day before yesterday, from my gmail account. I still have yet to hear back from him.

I've said time and time again that I welcome hearing all points of view, including those from the very people I snark about. And I will be glad to share D-B's perspective on my blog, but I still want to get his permission. Stay tuned...

Cosmic Connie said...

Anon 5:06 PM, it sounds like you've had some bad experiences with hustledorks. I tend to agree with that old saying about leopards not changing their spots. And yes, I'm sure Kevin is out to make all the money he can off of his association with Joe, and vice-versa.

Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Ron.

Anonymous said...

Connie, I read the Burning Man post from Sept. '07. As always, a great read.

That pic of D-B on a horse... LMAO.

I'm guessing that whatever malady drove him into a wheelchair has been miraculously cured by now, through the Power of Unconditional Love, of course.

I'll be very interested in reading the letter he sent you, if he allows you to share it. Lemme guess (you don't have to answer, btw) -- he exhorts you there, among other Very Important Things, to open yourself up to Unconditional Love, to Accept Yourself as God (or God's flawless child), and invites you to come to his lair... er, temple or whatever he may call it, to experience first hand (wink wink) The Divine Truth and Boundless Love that flow as freely through him as The Holy Wind does through his magnificent hair. (Sorry if I'm skipping some Important Details and Life-Changing Metaphors, but I'm not fully enlightened yet. Nothing a session or two with D-B would not fix, mind you.)

Anyway, segueing into the D-B story seems oddly appropriate in this thread, devoted, after all, to crap and its wisdom.

P.S. Also read the "endorsements" on D-B's site and the awed comments from his faithful worshipers. Un-freakin'-believable. Though I must say that I know personally several brilliant, well-educated and seemingly rational women -- and men -- who would swallow this crap without a blink.

Cosmic Connie said...

Well, Eliz, I still haven't received a response from D-B, but let's just say that your speculations are not entirely inaccurate. However, he did have more to say than that, and he deserves to have his say. I would still love to publish his letter if I get his permission.

I will say this, regarding the wheelchair: He says he was severely injured in an accident a few years ago and has had to have several back operations since then. He says he cannot walk without a walker, and is legally disabled. He further said that to attack a legally disabled person is wrong, that the disability rights advocates would agree with that, and that there are karmic consequences for allowing comments attacking a legally disabled person.

Anyway, I'm still trying to get hold of him to secure permission.

Anonymous said...

'karmic consequences'

That's guru-speak for revenge, isn't it?

Cosmic Connie said...

Anonymous 2:59 PM said...

"'karmic consequences'
"That's guru-speak for revenge, isn't it?"

Well, I was paraphrasing. I will take the liberty of quoting this little bit from Dreaming-Bear's email to me:

"karma is real, words have a way of boomeranging & breaking a lot of hearts in the process."

Since this was stated in the same context as his mention of disability rights advocates, I was thinking more along the lines of that being an implied threat of a libel lawsuit.

I have always been careful to state that what I write about him is opinion and speculation on my part (based upon his public persona), and that I have not substantiated what others have written about him to me. I have also published numerous (anonymous) defenses of him, including some that sounded as if they were written by him.

But, as I've stated, I do want to let D-B speak his piece here on this blog. While permission to publish his email is pending, however, I wanted to err on the side of what D-B might label "tenderness" by at least sharing what he told me about his physical disability. He may be playing me for a fool -- and if so, it certainly wouldn't be the first time someone has taken advantage of my basic soft-heartedness (okay, stop snickering). However, real physical injuries and handicaps are nothing to joke about, unless you're one of the Farrelly Brothers. So despite my having fun at D-B's expense regarding his mystical-poet shtick, I certainly do not wish him ill, and if he has indeed been injured as he says, I wish him continued recovery.

Anonymous said...

So libel law suits, enforced with the weight of the state, it's courts, police, prisons and all the pain and physical harm that is inflicted through the use of force in by that state- the epitome of primate power politics in it's silver-back-gorilla-hit-young-pretender reality, all that would be just 'karmic consequences' out of the guru's hands?

That is where where 'spiritual leaders' often show themselves in their true colours- when they use the same profane forces anyone else uses, especially the ones who are supposed to be offering the other cheek.

'Cops with tazers, because sometimes prayer just isn't enough'

I have the feeling that DB probably is more chilled than that, though I could be wrong.

Anonymous said...

He further said that to attack a legally disabled person is wrong, that the disability rights advocates would agree with that

Well, that depends on what you're "attacking" them about (realizing of course that Connie is paraphrasing D-B, so I'm not precisely sure what he's getting at).

Clearly, making fun of a true disability is wrong. But a few years back I did some PR work for a fair number of politically active disability advocates regarding Olmstead issues (independent living vs. forced institutionalization, which happens far too often). The hundred or so I hung out with (a diverse group comprising of physical, mental and psychological disabilities) were all pretty strident on insisting that they are treated with EQUALITY, and NOT given preferential treatment.

In my experience disability rights advocates will be the FIRST to tell you that owning a wheelchair does NOT make someone a saint, and by all means, if someone in a wheelchair is behaving in a manner you find objectionable they should be called on it, just as you would anyone else. Anything less is condescension.

I don't know that much about D-B's behavior except what I read here, which is colored by both Connie's worthy humor and my own prejudice that my eye candy should just keep his fool mouth shut so the fantasy isn't ruined. (Like, you see some pretty twenty-something, and your little hormones go "Oooh!", but then he opens his mouth and suddenly he's Beavis and Butthead combined. High school style romantic poetry isn't much better, except I assume it would be recited in a sort of a breathy fashion, without quite so much moronic snickering.)

Oh, and as the self-proclaimed Queen of Crap (it's my title on the certificates I give out with the stuff I sell on eBay), I respectfully request people leave the poor crap out of it. You're DILUTING MY BRAND with, um, well, REAL crap.... and not the good, compostable type (although I guess it can be argued that the self-help variety is likewise recycled again and again).

PS: I nominate Elizabeth's line "Even the Spitzer hooker did not charge so much" as deserving of some special award. Kudos!

Anonymous said...

Cosmic - Are you just being politically correct when you back-track about In-his-dreams Bear, or are you covering your butt because his email sounded like a threat?

Cosmic Connie said...

Anon 11:03 PM: I am not sure exactly what Dreaming-Bear's intent was, but I am still awaiting permission to publish his message so y'all can decide for yourselves. He did mention "borderline libel" at another point in his long message (although not immediately in the context of the disabilities thing), so at this point one can only speculate about his intentions.

Cosmic Connie said...

Mojo, my paraphrasing D-B about the disability advocates was pretty close to a direct quotation, so it captured the essence. The only "attacking" I've ever done re D-B's disability is to say I wouldn't be surprised to learn that some of it was exaggerated for effect. Here's what I wrote on my post of 22 July 2008 ("Dreaming-Bear: rolling with the punches"):

==BEGIN QUOTATION FROM JULY BLOG POST==

May Goddess forgive me for my initial reaction to the news about the wheelchair bit. I actually had a brief thought – misguided, no doubt – that the wheelchair was just another prop, and that if DB wasn't actually faking his disability, he was exaggerating, or at the very least milking it for all it is worth. I was having flashes of that old Frasier episode, "Wheels of Fortune" (Episode 203, originally airing 2/26/02) featuring Lilith's half-brother Blaine, a lifelong con man (played by Michael Keaton). In this episode, Blaine is in a wheelchair and has become a traveling preacher. He charms everyone but Frasier, who is convinced that Blaine is faking it all and is still a scammer. In the end, Frasier is taken in too and gives Blaine some money, and too late finds out that he was right all along.

But, like I said, I'm sure those thoughts are way out of line. I imagine I am not alone in wishing Dreaming Bear a speedy recovery.

==END QUOTATION FROM JULY BLOG POST==

I have published a couple of comments from people who also speculated that DB might be faking it, but no one was actually accusing him of doing so.

And that's the extent of the "attacking" of people with disabilities.

I quite agree with you about Elizabeth's comment re the Spitzer hooker. That comment deserves a place of honor indeed, and will probably get on in an upcoming snark bit.

Cosmic Connie said...

Oh, also, Mojo, I apologize if all this talk about crap in any way diluted your brand. That was not our intention. But as I discovered yesterday, we have a lot to learn from real turds, and I am going ahead with my plans for my e-book and DVD.

Cosmic Connie said...

Anonymous 7:28 AM said...

"Cosmic - Are you just being politically correct when you back-track about In-his-dreams Bear, or are you covering your butt because his email sounded like a threat?"

I'm not exactly the P/C type. I meant it when I said I was erring on the side of kindness, tenderness, etc. by going out of my way to at least share what D-B said about his disability. Whether I'm being played for a fool or not remains to be seen, but I'll take my chances.

Ron was in a car accident some years ago and his back was injured, and he has never really recovered from the injury. He's still in pain all the time. However, he opted NOT to have back surgery, because he did some research and learned that more often than not, surgery for his condition not only didn't help, but made the problem worse. So there was a little bit of empathy/sympathy creeping in too...just in case D-B was telling the truth about his condition.

Also I was covering my butt. :-)

But I stand by my opinion of D-B's general shtick. Even so, I still want to publish his email to me.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha, thank you kindly, Mojo and Connie. I'm still stuck on the thought of diving into Joe's rolls... er, Rolls. It's just disturbing, you know?

Now not to spoil the imagined taste of eye candy (and apologies if I do), but I can't resist sharing with you this precious bit from D-B's blog (or something called a blog):

In a world of Oneness there is no such thing as inequality… like a lush for Love I always keep a keg of stars on tap for you & will often pour out glasses of galaxies for wayward travelers as the Beloved squeezes the last drops of liquid light from the tender smile of the sun. Right now I am spoon-feeding you baby bites of full-on-ness as we ride the sparkling waves along this ocean of understanding. I see you’ve dropped your smile again, let Dreaming-Bear dust it off for you & re-adorn that masterpiece of magnificence upon the soft walls of this worlds joy, because I’ve been told by more than one recently mended heart, that when you pull back the blushing red curtain of your lips to reveal that choir of teeth all dressed in white & dancing so playfully upon the altar of your tongue, it gives the shattered soul a reason to rise & be whole again. A new day is dawning within you as a living opportunity to be happy & carefree. Let yourself be playfully innocent without having to be spiritually or politically correct. I want only for your heart to be happy, & I know it will be once you reach within & gently untie your wings.

The whaaa...? Oh dear Lord.

Yep, I bet you can hear that choir of my dancing teeth... Especially when he tells me to be playfully innocent without having to be spiritually or politically correct.

Because of course as a real guru worth his poetry, he wants only for my heart to be happy -- once he unties my wings or somethin', you betcha.

But wait, there is more! Right here: http://tinyurl.com/89dpaf

Cosmic Connie said...

Oh, Elizabeth of the Dancing Teeth (hey, that could be your new faux-Native American name: Dancing-Teeth!)...thank you so much for sharing that bit of verbal effluvium with me. My mouth is a blushing red curtain now, for sure. I tried to follow the link you provided, but, tragically, tribe.net is temporarily down for emergency maintenance. So I shall have to satisfy myself with the brief sample you provided. No, that’s all right; you don’t have to provide me with more while I’m waiting.

You mentioned in an earlier comment that DB uses Ho'oponopononononononononononononononononono (sorry, that's one of those words I know how to spell, but I don't know when to stop). As you may be aware, Mr. Fire himself wrote THE book on a modern proprietary form of Ho'opo that is taught by an old Hawaiian mystic named Dr. Hew Len. The book is called "Zero Limits." Joe first got interested in Ho'opo etc. after he heard that Dr. Hew Len had magically cured an entire ward full of criminally insane people, just by using Ho'opo etc. Joe was so impressed by that story that he wrote a little piece about it, and it spread over the Net like wildfire back in 2006. People just ate this story up.

Here's the original link:
http://tinyurl.com/nz7pq

By sheer luck, I later caught up with yet another old Hawaiian mystical guy, who taught yet another ancient Hawaiian secret. Naturally, I wrote about my astonishing experience:
http://tinyurl.com/9c9bjk

Just thought you’d like to know, in case you hadn’t previously read these amazing stories.

Anonymous said...

No, Connie, I hadn't heard these amazing stories... My mouth is wide open and my eyes glazing over now. Just when I thought I've heard the most inane/insane SHAM story, you manage to come up with yet another, even better one. This is a bottomless pit, isn't it.

Off I go to now, to learn more about Dr. Hew Len's stunning therapy method.

Yours truly,
Eliz Dancing-Teeth, channeling inspired blessings (via amalgam fillings).

;)

Anonymous said...

Connie, this just in -- an update from the Hopoononononononoland by your correspondent, Eliz Dancing-Teeth.

I looked up Dr. Hew Len. I did. I'll pay a heavy price for it, no doubt, but now lemme share just a tiny bit of what I discovered. It's really amazing. It's even more amazing than the amazing stories I've heard so far. (Bear with me, it's long, but very exciting.)

First, however, let me pay my respects to this fantastic therapist who heals patients (criminally insane, no less) without even seeing them. Ever. Not once. As Dr. Vitale reports:

Len told me that he never saw patients. He agreed to have an office and to review their files. While he looked at those files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal.

Now how awesome it that? And, gosh darn it, why didn't I think of it?? I wonder how much he charges for that... therapy.

As I went to investigate the amazing healing methods of Dr. Hew Len, I found this ad for his (life-changing, of course) seminar. Here are some choice cuts (caution, unintentional humor ahead):

NOW Available On Audio

July 15, 2008 Ho'oponopono Teleseminar
with
Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len and Mabel Katz

On July 15, we welcomed Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len and Mabel Katz for another Amazing, Enlightening Presentation of Ho'oponopono where they covered in depth, HOW TO clean, to be guided to what is perfect and right for us, and experience Peace beyond ALL understanding.

Every call with these two incredible teachers seems to have a theme. I AM so thrilled to say that The Theme of this call is HOW TO.

This call, that was supposed to be a 1½-hour call, turned into over two hours as Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len and Mabel Katz got deeper and deeper into the specifics of HOW TO work with our Inner Child.

On this audio you will hear, not just the importance of working with our Inner Child, but HOW TO WORK with your Inner Child to Be At Zero where Divinity resides.

As questions are presented on the call, we hear exactly how Dr. Ihaleakala & Mabel would clean in this situation---what they are saying to their Inner Child, to enlist the help of their Inner Child to clean and erase the memories replaying.

We learn Specifically HOW TO talk to our Inner Child to release the memories, that have been stored in the subconscious Mind for eons and BE FREE.

On this audio, you will also hear the importance of, and HOW TO Clean BEFORE a memory/problem arises.

We learn that there is something inside us that is attracting ALL of it--what we see in "others" in ourselves, and the importance of taking 100% Responsibility, which leads to our Freedom.

(...)

We learn HOW TO get to Zero where the healer is, where the bank is, where the Love is...AT ZERO.

(...)

Ho'oponopono...It just keeps getting Better!

AND Ho'oponopono Works, when we do it, and it works for Everyone...no exceptions.

Whether you are new to Ho'oponopono or have been practicing for a while, this is a wonderful opportunity to learn MORE from Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len and Mabel Katz.

If you'd like, you can order your copy of this Amazing July 15, Ho'oponopono Teleseminar with Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len & Mabel Katz.

You'll be glad you did.


I thought the inner child was passe, so 1990s... Though I admit I could use some help in cleaning -- and who couldn't? But I appreciate an opportunity for a hearty laugh even more. This is by far my favorite unintentionally humorous statement:

We learn HOW TO get to Zero where the healer is, where the bank is, where the Love is...AT ZERO.

The one about getting your Inner Child to do the cleaning for ya ain't bad either -- but is this legal? I think they had a Law and Order episode about it last night.

To be contd.

Anonymous said...

Contd. from the Hoponononoetc.land for The CosConComCen (Cosmic Connie's Comedy Central):

If you want to attend Dr. Hew Len and his charming partner's seminar in person (and of course you do!), it'll cost you about $1,400 at the door. If you get hot and bothered by such an expense, don't worry, you can cool down (and heal yourself at the same time) with Dr. Hew Len's Blue Solar Water, which

Erases Toxic Memories. When we drink this water, we allow the Divine in us to erase toxic memories in our subconscious minds that we experience as physical, emotional, spiritual and financial problems.

Can you imagine being able drink away pain! ~ Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len.


And just when you think this is all a bunch of cr... oops, sorry! a bunch of nonsense (and why would you think that?), I direct you to the testimonials from the forever grateful beneficiaries of Dr. Hew Len's healing methods:

Testimonial from Cassy
"Any of you that are feeling some skepticism. Trust me this works.
Once I got some help cleaning I immediately saw huge relief on over
40 thousand in bills. They didn't go away but I was given some
breathing room to pay some of them. I am still under a mountain, but
the pressure is less and I know that it was due to the cleaning.
Three major bills including foreclosure on our mortgage and IRS
debt have backed off. I can't thank Mabel, Joanie, and Jimmy and
the rest of the class enough for helping me clean. I am a believer."
Cassy

Testimonial # 1 from Hazel
"Something I wanted for awhile was to have my vision perfect again.
And actually it is. It's gone from bifocals to 20/20 just about. Right from bifocals and having a problem to I don't wear anything anymore.
Thank you. Now I know anything else is possible."
Hazel

Testimonial # 2 from Hazel
"I am absolutely excellent. I thank both of you for the teleseminars.
I listen to them all the time. I use all the cleaning tools as much as
I can. My energy is always high. I love you."
Hazel


As we often say, can't make this stuff up. So let's finish with the words of The Master Himself:

A problem is only a problem if we say it is.
And a problem is not the problem ~ how we react to
the problem is the problem. ~ Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, Ph.D.


-----
You can continue with Dr. Hew Len (and of course you want to!) here:
http://tinyurl.com/7sllkf

Reporting from The Twilight Zone,
Eliz Dancing-Teeth.

P.S. O.M.G.

Anonymous said...

Alright, Connie, last but certainly NOT least, your interview with Dr. Yew is priceless. You nailed him. (I mean Dr. Yew, of course.:)

Anonymous said...

I don't care how cheesy it is, I love it!

I think you should lower the slippery flaps of your love plane and take a charter flight to the destination of dreams.

Cosmic Connie said...

LOL, Elizabeth; I can see you are overwhelmed with the thrill of discovery; you can well understand why this type of “research” is so addicting. :-) (At least you now know the secret to why I'm blue; I've been drinking and bathing in too much Blue Solar Water!)

And thanks for the compliment on the Dr. Yew piece. A couple of people actually wrote to me privately and expressed uncertainty about whether or not it was satire.

One of the things that I found both humorous and a bit distressing about the “real” story is that so many people who were spreading the story of Dr. Hew Len and the criminal nutters apparently didn't even bother to question the veracity of the story. It was enough for them that it was a tale of an apparent miracle.

I did an extensive amount of research -- well, extensive for me, anyway -- and near as I can tell, the Hawaii State Hospital, which actually has numerous branches, has been kind of a mess for a very long time, though things are supposedly improving now. I'm thinking that their record-keeping might not be all that great, particularly for stuff that happened decades ago. In short, it's probably impossible to prove or disprove the particulars of the miracle story. And it's well-nigh impossible to prove that even if the patients in that particular ward did get dramatically better, it was due to Dr. Len's Ho'opo'ing. Such are the elements of which legends are made, though.

I find it interesting that Dr. Hew Len now seems to be doing events with Mabel Katz. Mabel was into Ho'opo, studying with Dr. Len, years before Joe had even heard of Dr. Len or Ho’opo. When Joe discovered it he was understandably fascinated, hence the Internet story and, ultimately, Zero Limits, which was published in July 2007. Dr. Len and Joe did a few Zero Limits events together before and after Joe's book was published, and in fact they're doing their final one this coming April. However, Joe has long since gone on to other miracle discoveries and money ops; Ho'opo is sooooo year-before-last. (He does, however, claim that he claims he still uses the Ho'opo cleaning tools in his life).

Not suprisingly, Joe weighed in on Mabel’s new web site, http://hooponoponoisbeyondthesecret.com/
There’s a quotation from him saying that Dr. Len’s brand of Ho’opo is “beyond The Secret.” Of course, Joe himself has also come out with several products that are beyond The Secret, or are the Missing Secret. (He has two separate DVD products called “The Missing Secret,” and one called “Install and Transcend The Secret,” plus a book called “The Key,” that takes up where The Secret left off. In addition, he recently discovered a Fourth Stage of Awakening, despite the fact that in Zero Limits he said there were three stages. So he produced an Awakening Course to teach people about it.)

But I digress. I don’t know if you’ve yet found your way to my very long (two-part!) review of Zero Limits, but yes, I did read the book – twice – and reviewed it on this very blog, because I had been requested to do so by a publicist who was working on the ZL campaign. (Yes. Really.)

Here’s a link to Part 1 of the review (and Part 1 contains a link to Part 2):
http://tinyurl.com/7cm3u6

Finally…ah, yes, the inner-child stuff. The inner-child industry has never really died; it’s just been dormant for a while. Naturally, I have had to snark about that too…
http://tinyurl.com/56hyec

Anyway, thank you as always for the delightful comments. This stuff is just way too entertaining...

Cosmic Connie said...

Anonymous 1:13 AM said...

"I don't care how cheesy it is, I love it!

"I think you should lower the slippery flaps of your love plane and take a charter flight to the destination of dreams."

OK, but only if Ron can come along too, and we can fly first-class.

Anonymous said...

Oh, dear Connie... Briefly now, more later time permitting.

You're right that I'm overwhelmed. And that's probably an understatement. Just when I think it can't get any more ridiculous, you show me yet another crushing example of this huckstery. It's un-freakin'-believable. Now, I think Dr.(?) Hew Len takes the cake, but I suspect you are going to throw another couple of names here that'll make him look almost rational. Gulp.

I read your Inner Child post -- great fun, as always. And that pic! Nice! :) (Along with the very understandable Ron's comment. ;) I was in thrall of Bradshaw for a brief moment of my personal history. Never quite bought into the Inner Child misery (that's why my IC has died of neglect -- please do not notify the authorities!), but thought many of his ideas were useful. Sigh. It's been a while, a long while, so of course now I don't even remember what ideas were those, or why I liked them so at the time... Though self-pity probably played a role, I'm guessing. :)

OK, more later, I hope.

P.S. What's Hew Len's doctorate -- psychology? If so, why isn't he pursued and censored -- or something -- by professional associations for making such stupid and irresponsible claims (like curing criminally insane by 'working on himself' in the privacy of his office, without meeting his clients even once? What a bunch of hooey. Dangerous hooey.)

Anonymous said...

P.S. WV was bablopath. :)

The Universe is definitely trying to tell me something. And that's too bad, I think, 'cuz with my short attention span, I'm not inclined to listen...

Anonymous said...

These people freak me out and frankly so does the governments reaction to them. Have we all become so obsessed with money that a payout will get you ANYTHING?

God help us all and any wonder our beautiful country is in such a shocking mess. I wonder what Obama would say about Trudeau?

These people are parasites in our society. Sucking off all the good people to survive. I wonder if they have considered justice.

Cosmic Connie said...

Elizabeth, as far as I can tell, Dr. Len has a legitimate Ph.D. in psychology. He was pretty much doing conventional Western therapy for years. Then he started hearing miracle stories about a native Hawaiian healer named Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona, who had invented a new form of Ho'opononpono (a traditional Hawaiian form of conflict resolution). Morrnah was giving lectures at universities and even at the UN, according to the story Joe tells in Zero Limits. Dr. Hew Len attended some of her lectures and workshops. He thought she was kind of crazy at first but he was still fascinated. Then she supposedly healed a child of his of shingles (!); no details are given about this in the book, but apparently this added to her credibility in his eyes. At some point he decided to study with Morrnah.

In ZL, Joe wrote that Dr. Hew Len was also experiencing difficulties in his marriage at the time, so when he left to study with her, he left his family as well. Apparently Joe felt it necessary to add, "That’s not too unusual. There’s a long history of people leaving their families to study with a spiritual teacher." (I'm sure this fact made Dr. Hew Len's family feel better about the whole thing.)

Anyway, Dr. HL told Joe that he stayed with Morrnah till her "transition" in 1992 ("transition" is, of course, the enlightened-spiritual euphemism for "death"). It was during the time HL was with Morrnah that the miracles with the criminal nutters supposedly took place. By the account in ZL, it was between 1984 and 1987.

Interestingly, though, if you follow one of the links I provide in my satirical “Dr. Yew” piece, you see a listing of several radio programs about Dr. Hew Len. In the description for one of the programs, you see that it says he worked some miracles in the Hawaii State Hospital in the 1980s. Yet in the description of an earlier program, it says he did some magic there in 1967. Typo or not? Hmmm….

Anyway, here’s the link: http://www.newsforthesoul.com/drlen.htm
Look at the second item down, and then the third item. I never could get the links to work myself, so was unable to listen to the actual radio programs. Maybe you will have better luck.

All this by way of saying that over the years, Dr. Hew Len has apparently worked as a conventional therapist and a Ho’opopo healer, and at times the two worlds must have overlapped. Whether or not he has ever been professionally censured, however, I don’t know. Since he’s not working as a conventional therapist these days, I suppose the point is moot.

I can at least believe that Dr. Hew Len worked at the Hawaii State Hospital at some point, and even that he was given some leeway, at least for a while. If the hospital system, and especially that particular ward, were in chaos (as seems to be the case), oversight might have been lax, and/or administrators might have been desperate to try anything. Plus, I’m sure that with the resurgence in native-Hawaiian pride over the past few decades, there would have been more tolerance for use of indigenous healing methods, even in a Western-medicine setting. So I can believe the bare bones of Dr. Hew Len’s story. But I also know that it’s the sort of situation that’s wide open for embellishment. Who, really, is going to check? Joe did publish a letter from another worker in the ward who substantiated Dr. Len’s story. Still, that’s…well…anecdotal. And it’s really all we have to go on.

But you know, to most of the people who want to believe in Ho’opo and/or Joe, it really doesn’t matter whether the story is literally true.

By the way, Joe’s personal assistant, Suzanne Burns, has created a little cottage industry of her own from Ho’opo. She has a web site called Intentional Treasures, where she sells everything from jewelry to scarves to $150.00 magic cleaning wands. All are infused with special Ho’opo power. http://www.intentionaltreasures.com/

And did you know that Joe’s Zero Limits web site is the first web site ever designed to clean you as you browse it? http://zerolimits.info/

Finally, you suggested that I might have some more stuff on my Whirled that would make Dr. Hew Len et al. look rational. If you have more time to waste, visit some of my posts tagged “Imaginary friends.” Of course you know about Jerry and Esther Hicks and their imaginary pal(s) Abraham, but are you familiar with, for example, Gary Renard (who’s really making the New-Wage conference/expo circuit these days)? Read my June 13, 2007 post. Then there's Vladimir Megre, who learned everything there is to know about life from a young naked babe, Anastasia in the Siberian woods (March 7 and April 6, 2007). These folks and more are all on my Whirled, and all tagged:
http://cosmicconnie.blogspot.com/search/label/Imaginary%20friends

And that, I imagine, is more than enough crazy-making stuff for one day. :-)

Anonymous said...

Any offense I might have conveyed stems more from D-B's "defense" than whatever various people may or may not have said about him. My interpretation of D-B's use of "attack" took it as "you can NEVER criticize me about ANYTHING I do because I have a disability". While this "argument" is occasionally effective among those who feel afraid or awkward or threatened or guilty around wheelchairs and whatnot, it is so obviously wrong on sooooo many levels I'm not quite sure where to begin.

But of course that might not have been his intention, which is why I asked for clarification. Looks like I'll have to wait for him, since your explanation (through no fault of your own) shed no further light.

As for the use of crap, I say welcome to the inspiring and magickal, poetical world that Mojo has wallowed in lo these many years. I believe we are walking the same path, although you seem to be taking the muckier road of Enlightenment and blue solar ionized wunder water while I am still focused (in my drone-like, brainwashed unenlightened state) on the crassly material--i.e., selling things on eBay for filthy lucre.

Mojo is the most munificent of creatures--as even her most suspicious enemies will concede, at least when she forces them to--and while I think I have a pretty strong legal claim to the title "Queen of Crap" as I peruse the crap literature I find there are several fine titles still up for grabs. Some that come immediately to mind you might wish to consider include "Goddess of Crap", "Crone of Crap", "The Malcolm Gladwell of Crap" and "The Tiresomely Petty, Bureaucratic Time-Wasting Pooh-Bah of Crap". The latter has the responsibility of taking all the minutes at the meetings, but the added bonus of accepting various bribes from people, "no matter how lowly".

As for Elizabeth's dancing teeth, that could be easily remedied by proper oral hygiene, regular checkups by a dental professional, and, of course, daily flossing. But I fear consulting with a scientifical boogey-man with real academic credentials like a DENTIST will probably do horrible detrimental HARM to your Ineffable Spirit. I never quite understood how, in the "Body, Mind and Spirit" crowd, often the Mind part ends up reviled as the enemy and expected to take a back seat in the proceedings, when The Mind is actually the source of much of what keeps you ALIVE as well as doing other useful tidbits.

For example, I happen to be a fan of Jill Bolte Taylor's TED talk (though less of her book, which sort of bogs down in the middle) and while I too thrill at the idea of giving one's right hemisphere more respect and attention, I can't help but point out it was her LEFT BRAIN that freakin' SAVED HER LIFE in the first place, thereby allowing her the opportunity to spread her message. I'm pretty sure, not knowing the woman, that JBT would agree with my wishing to accord both hemispheres truly equal respect. But there are so many "anything left brain must be EVIL" folk out there who only hear the so-called "right" half of her argument it makes me despair. The stuff that Connie links to and Elizabeth quotes I can barely contemplate over the screaming in my head of agonized, dying brain cells. I can only take so much.

(Unless, of course, your Ineffable Spirit is more like The Bobs' one-liner from their "Slow Down Krishna" song--at least as sung in concert; I don't think it's on the recording. The lead singer, after a lengthy "instrumental" section that somehow devolves from mystical music into the pop song "Tequila", says something like "I just had an out-of-body experience!" whereupon one of the other singers replies, "Yes, I know, I can smell it from here.")

So I guess my innocent Inner Child, as re-experienced through my seven-year-old nephew, is right. It all comes back to potty-talk with the kiddies, don't it?

(My verification word is "ruing". Somehow I don't like the sound of that....)

Cosmic Connie said...

Anon 12:31 AM: I agree with your assessments, but then again, one person's parasite is another person's fount of infinite wisdom. Which, of course, is precisely why the "parasites" are laughing all the way to the bank while untold numbers of honest people wonder where next month's rent is coming from.

Cosmic Connie said...

Mojo, I agree with you that if D-B was indeed using his disability as either a weapon or a general defense against any criticism, that is indeed wrong on many levels.

I didn't think he was out of line merely for bringing up the subject of his disability when he wrote to me, as it *had* been a topic of speculation on a couple of my blog posts. Moreover, there have been a couple of occasions on this blog when I misinterpreted situations or events (or simply mis-read between the lines), and people have corrected me. With factual errors I've always made a point to make corrections public b/c I do like to get my facts straight.

Despite discussions here about lawsuits and such, I will assume, unless informed otherwise, that D-B simply intended to set the record straight about his injuries.

And now on to the matter of crap. Mojo, I think that your segment of the crap industry is a much more honest one than the murky Whirled of pseudo-enlightenment in which I wallow. Not to mention that your type of crapmongering is more satisfying: who, after all, doesn't like to be surrounded by bright shiny objects -- things you can touch and admire and pick up and take to your extra guest room or your garage, where they gather dust till you can get rid of them on eBay?

Those are the fine and simple things in life, and truly, I am not worthy of treading on your territory. But no matter: since the project that Elizabeth and I were discussing has to do with actual animal feces, I can certainly find another word besides "crap" to expand my brand. (I briefly thought of "scat" but I think that's a genre of music.) Anyway, the point is that I don't have to deal in "crap" when there are so many other words. English is such a rich language.

You made some good points about the body-mind-spirit crowd and their general disdain for the mind and intellectualism. They seem to be all about listening to your heart and your gut instead of your head. (Yet they always like to invoke "science" when they're trying to sell their b.s. to someone.)

I am reminded again about that bit from Josh, the Joebot whom I quoted earlier in this thread. Josh was advising readers of Joe V's blog post about Kevin True-Dough to "Get out of your head and get into Joe’s Rolls." In other words, stop thinking so much and just plunk down five grand and to on a Rolls ride with Joe. Uh-huh.

Interesting point about Jill Bolte Taylor too. As for me, I'm neither right-brained nor left-brained, but back-brained. There's always something in the back of my mind that I can't quite retrieve, but I just know that it's running my life. And it's doing a good enough job without my interference, so I'll just leave well enough alone, thank you.

As you said, though, it all comes back down to potty-talk with the kids. And THAT'S something we can all get behind.

Cosmic Connie said...

Also, Mojo, since you brought up the subject of left-brain/right-brain stuff (which is related to right- or left-handedness) -- AND since I've been providing links on this thread to some of my previous half-witticisms -- I thought you might be interested in this old article parody from my BLP (book-like product), "Cosmic Relief":

http://home.swbell.net/moonshad/Non-dominance.pdf

Anonymous said...

Crazy-making is right, Connie.

But you are going out of your way to be fair and balanced, aren't you, LOL?

I, OTOH, have no qualms stating that healing (whatever that means) criminally insane (whatever that means) patients (whatever that may mean in this particular context) by simply reading their charts and working on oneself (whatever that means!) in the privacy of one's office is A BUNCH OF CRAP (with apologies etc.)

Crap. Bupkus. Baloney. Certifiably stupid.

And of course I wanted Dr. HL censured (thank you!), though censoring him sounds like a good idea too.

Cosmic Connie said...

Yeah, Eliz, you're right; I do sometimes go out of my way to be fair and balanced, although in truth I am fairly unbalanced.

As for the miracle healing tale -- baloney it may be, but it sure was lucrative for Mr. Fire (and presumably for Dr. Hew Len, who was listed as his co-author).

Rolling my eyes...

Cosmic Connie said...

So, OK... back to the original topic of this blog post. (Not that I minded the diversion at all; I like the way some threads take on a life of their own.)

Anyway, I visited Mr. Fire's blog today and saw a new comment from a young admirer, Jonathan Browne. He wrote:

"What is it with people buying the hook line and sinker 'kevin tradeua [sic] is a scammer' ploy the government and media want you to believe.

"If your [sic] so confident that he is a scammer, please name a scam he has participated in. The way I see it, he writes fantastic books which have helped millions of people."

Kinda makes you want to take him and shake him by the shoulders and say, "Wake up, kid!"

Jonathan Browne is all of 23 years old, and brimming with worldly wisdom. The blog to which he linked in his comment to Joe is called, "Get out of debt, handle debt collectors and creditors, and become financially free."
http://howtodealwithcreditorsandgetoutofdebt.blogspot.com/

He writes:
"I'm a 23 year old with a huge appetite for knowledge and a desire to truly help people live better more fulfilling lives. I am also a musician and you can listen to my music at www.myspace.com/mykblaze. I created this blog to help people and because my next step in life is to go to college and get a degree in music. So please help yourself and help me by purchasing Debt Free In Three, checking out one of our sponsors if anything they display interests you, or donating. Donations WILL be used exclusively to pay for college tuition. I've dealt with debt in the past and had plenty of conversations with debt collectors. I'm now on my way to financial freedom and abundance and I know my advice can help you get there with me. You can be debt free. You can learn to budget and save money. You can take control of your life."

He also has several other blogs, including one called "Secrets of Attracting Woman, Seduction, and Dating."
http://seduceyourdreamgirl.blogspot.com/

A post dated 31 December, 2008, is titled "10 steps of attracting beautiful woman." Here's a sample:

"3. Look good and smell good
If your goal is attracting beautiful woman you might want to put some work into your own beauty. Make sure your well groomed and clean. Wear clean laundered clothes that fit. Don't forget to wear new socks. Don't touch your face, wash it twice a day with a non comodegenic [sic] cleanser, and keep a nutrious [sic] diet low sugar diet, so you have nice skin. Never douse yourself in cologne or aftershave. Be subtle."

And so on.

Anonymous said...

Connie, LMAO! JB is just a fountain of universal wisdom. And at 23! Wow. A guru in the making... What am I saying, a bona fide guru!

Anonymous said...

Connie, oh Connie... There goes my Friday evening (and I have so much to do!). You got me hooked on JB. I went to his "seduction" site and pulled out even more fantastic tidbits:

To attract a beautiful woman you simply have to have a little finesse and some social grace. There's no need to learn complicated scripts or neurolinguistic programming. Learning those things may be beneficial, but simply follow these steps and you shouldn't have a hard time attracting and being attractive, to beautiful woman.

Wow, that's great to know. I was about to send my sons to NLP classes, but I'm relieved to learn that their natural finesse and social grace will suffice. Phew! Think how much money I'll save right here!

1. Learn how to tell when woman are attracted to you.

Here are some common signs: They run their hands through their hair a lot, they bite their lip, you catch them gazing at you, they smile at you, or they make stupid excuses to talk to you.


Oh, Jonathan, my hair is already falling out from running my hands through it so much, and my lip is bleeding as I type! And, oh, if you could only see my smile! Not to mention hear all the stupid excuses I'm concocting just to talk to you... Mhm hm!

2. Be outgoing and sociable

It's up to you to start conversations with the people around you as well as attractive woman. You are the man. Be proactive and friendly with everyone around you. Talk to all the woman you see that you think might be worth knowing, not just the ones you "have your eye on". Talk to her friends and win them over, they will be your best help or worst enemy when it comes to attracting a beautiful woman. If you seem to be a very friendly and sociable man, almost every woman around will be attracted to you. Social skills demonstrate your high value.


I like how he sets "attractive woman" apart from "the people." I think this is an important distinction that too often gets overlooked by today's men. And I totally agree that social skills demonstrate "high value" or something.

3. Look good and smell good

If your goal is attracting beautiful woman you might want to put some work into your own beauty. Make sure your well groomed and clean. Wear clean laundered clothes that fit. Don't forget to wear new socks. Don't touch your face, wash it twice a day with a non comodegenic cleanser, and keep a nutrious diet low sugar diet, so you have nice skin. Never douse yourself in cologne or aftershave. Be subtle.


And you can't get any more subtle than new socks or wearing thereof. Touching your face is a total no-no, that's for sure, and a noxious diet is a must. Wait.. what? Isn't it the same thing?

4. Smile and be cool

Stop worrying about yourself, relax, and smile. Learn to enjoy yourself wherever you are instead of worrying and overthinking things. Be cool. You'll be attracting beautiful woman who will fall over themselves for you if your cool. Everyone is attracted to cool.


Totally! 'Cuz cool, is, like, you know, totally awesome! And the woman will fall over themselves, like, totally, too.

5. Make steady, natural, scintilating eye contact

Don't strain. Simply overcome your anxiety and look into her eyes while you speak to her. Don't stare at her body or think about how beautiful she is. Try to connect to who she is as another human being. Woman are used to being treated like objects by men. Show her your not another one of those guys by making warm friendly eye contact with her.


Yeah, I tells ya, this woman are so used to be treated like objects that she totally hates those guys. And you may think that warm and friendly is enough, but I tells ya, it's gotta be scintilating, like he said. Which means you should not strain and cross your eyes or make one of thems stupid faces when your eyes are bulging out of your sockets (which can easily happen when you strain too much).

6. Be clever and funny, but don't TRY to be clever and funny

All woman, including beautiful woman, are attracted to clever, funny, witty men. That doesn't mean you should try to be a standup comic. Don't prepare stupid pickup lines. Just be natural and direct. You probably can make your buddies laugh, so treat her sort of like one of the buddies. Tease her a little bit. Don't be cocky, mean, or tasteless though. Just be lighthearted and wry. If shes becoming attracted to you, she will most likely laugh, even if your not hilarious or even particularly funny.


Yep, wry does it! Ha ha ha ha ha! Hahahaha!!! (Can you tell that I'm becoming attracted already? Even though he is not hilarious or even particularly funny?)

7. Don't brag, be a little mysterious

Don't try to impress a beautiful woman by being a braggart. Reveal things about yourself naturally during conversation. Be a little mysterious though about what your truly all about. It's fine to make up some things in a fun obvious way when she asks you personal questions. You can say your dream is to become a traveling circus performer or something. Make her press you to reveal your real dreams and aspirations. Make her feel rewarded by the things you tell her, not annoyed


Mmmm... Traveling circus performer.... Whoa! (pulling more hair) And I didn't even have to press him for that! Can it get any more mysterious, or rewarding (and not at all annoying)?

8. Listen, Listen, Listen

Woman (and mostly anyone, really) love to talk about themselves. To be a great conversationalist ask questions, listen carefully, and ask follow up questions/make comments based on what the other person says. Don't act like your doing an interview for rolling stone though either. Allow a vibe to develop and don't be afraid to switch subjects suddenly.


I like this one in particular. First of all, women again are juxtaposed with the rest of human race -- and why not, right? Second, listening is always a good thing, especially when you're suddenly switching subjects. This so totally adds to that mystery and circus performer thing discussed above. No?

9. Two Steps Foward, One Step Back

Create sexual tension. This is the key to attracting woman. It's also known as Push-Pull. If you give her a couple compliments, that's great. Don't keep feeding her compliments. Tease her a little bit. Keep her guessing. If your in a movie theatre and you start to hold hands, then maybe you make out for a little bit don't keep doing that the entire time. Not only will your palms get pretty sweaty, but you'll ruin the sexual tension. Pull back, withdraw your hand and go back to paying attention to the movie you payed $8.00 to get into.


That sexual tension, man, that's the key. If you payed (yeah) eight bucks to get into the movie (yeah), you better work on the sexual tension, or it's a waste of money. And if your sweaty hands seem too much of a problem, you can use some of the push-pull method on the movie theater chair (but only if it's upholstered; if not, you risk making some awkward and unseemly noises that will create tension, for sure, though not of the sexual kind).

10. Improve your self!

The number one thing you can do to improve your chances of attracting beautiful woman, is work on yourself. Get more physically fit, get a better sense of fashion, upgrade your wardrobe, keep the place you live clean and organized, be self disciplined, get a job/start a business/etc. Personal development is one of the best things you can do for yourself to become a more attractive man and start attracting beautiful woman left and right!


And while at it, invest in a spell check or a dictionary, why not.

But a word of caution: if you start attracting beautiful woman left and right, then 1. she has a split personality, or 2. you are hallucinating in 3-D. Either way, it's time to call a psychiatrist.

=====

Ah, good times... But in fairness, Jonathan did his very best, obviously, and his very earnest, too. Even though he stripped himself of that ever-important sense of mystery in the process. But, all in all, some of it is reasonable advice, the new (and clean) socks especially.

Anonymous said...

Ah, yes, of all the advice I would not wish to pay money for, DATING advice has to be my FAVORITE. It's too lengthy to relate here, but I once blogged about my own brief exposure to the genre here (it even has an obligatory nod to CC, who must have posted something on the topic):

http://tinyurl.com/6wolvm

What I like best about JB's "rules"--besides my suspicion that English is NOT his first language--is how some of them SOUND simple enough. Like "Be clever and funny" and "Create sexual tension".

Heck, why stop there? Here's some more:

Be really, really smart.

Be fabulously wealthy.

Be, like, really, REALLY, *RILLY* attractive.

Be a little mysterious, so she doesn't realize you're a dweeby twenty-something dodging your creditor's phone calls because you can't pay your bills.


Ooops, wait, sorry, that's another blog. My mistake. I get overly confused and bedazzled by all the sexual tension in the air. We girls get that way, ya know.

Anonymous said...

'There's always something in the back of my mind that I can't quite retrieve, but I just know that it's running my life. And it's doing a good enough job without my interference, so I'll just leave well enough alone, thank you.'

Now, if Jonathan could just find his way to his back brain or that something in the back of his mind, he could give up all that ponderous thinking/advice and just enjoy being himself, with his women and everybody else.
There is nothing, for this woman (and I would hazard most others), like the turn-on of being in the company of a man who is genuinely enjoying the moment.

Anonymous said...

What I like best about JB's "rules"--besides my suspicion that English is NOT his first language--is how some of them SOUND simple enough. Like "Be clever and funny" and "Create sexual tension".

Yes, Mojo, don't they?

"you simply have to have a little finesse and some social grace"

Simply finesse. Oh, what could be easier than that, I ask you?

To think of it, Simply finesse sounds like a good name for some SHAM-related business. :)

Cosmic Connie said...

Hey, all, I'm sorry for not participating in the conversation for the past few days; it's been a busy week. I'm back for a few moments and then off to take care of more errands. Anyway...

Very astute observations, Eliz and Mojo, re the young but infinitely wise Jonathan Browne. I got much the same impressions of JB, particularly in regard to English not being his first language, and to his having some credit challenges. I can certainly identify with that second item, but in my view, jumping on the Kevin Trudeau defense bandwagon is not going to help JB with those credit problems -- or anything else, for that matter. Granted, becoming a champion of the eternally persecuted Mr. Trudeau might make him feel as if he's engaged in some large and noble cause, which could possibly take his mind off of his problems for a while...but...oh, well, he'll just have to find out for himself, I guess.

Eliz, I hope your hair has started to grow back and your lips have stopped bleeding. But I can certainly identify with your excitement; we woman just can't resist a guy who not only is a good listener, but is able to switch subjects suddenly, is wry, AND has clean socks.

Mojo, good piece on "How Not To Pick Up Wimmins." Judging from the fact that you wrote it in September of last year, I'd say that your "nod to CC" was a reference to a snippet in this post from September 3:
http://tinyurl.com/9yw84z
That snippet can be found under the header, "Mr. Fire 'splains the workings of the Universe."

And, gals, don't forget to visit Jonathan's MySpace music page:
http://www.myspace.com/mykblaze

Here's a bit from the blurb about his group, The Five Percenters:

"They plan to usher in a new era of concious self aware rap that attempts to educate and inspire. Don't think they aren't cocky, fun, and sexy though, because they have something to say about that too."

All righty, then!

WV: waryolso

Hmmmm....

Cosmic Connie said...

Anon 4:44 PM: Well, when Jonathan is not busy thinking and dispensing advice, he is making music, and that, I suspect, is his real passion.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, dear Connie, I've managed to stop the bleeding; however, growing out my hair will take longer. But, oh, what we woman (yes) don't do for love! Or at least some scintilating finesse.

Of course I went (no, ran!) to JB's MySpace site and found a pic of two dudes comprising his awesome band. I can only guess that JB is this one:

Prophit aka Reflekshun. Formerly known as Robbin Hood until he asked himself was robbin good? He is the creative force, manager, rapper and singer for the 5 percenters.

There is also a little blurb there (from Twitter?) titled What am I doing? where JB aka Prophit* aka Refleshun answers in this scintilating manner:

In the studio, making hits with my dawg myk blaze. Can't fuck with it. Peace.

I think this is a perfect example of that finesse and social grace that JB discusses in his dating advice. Not to mention being lighthearted, wry and mysterious, obviously.

*I think he tried to say Profit, but misspelled again. :)

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but I just couldn't bring myself to check out JB's assuredly AWESOME music. Just knowing he was in a BAND, on top of everything else, was more than enough clichés, oops, I mean, excitement, for me.

So, rap, huh? Please tell me they're white. Young white middle class suburban boys doing the whole gangsta peacock display thing--now, that would just REALLY make my day. Or not. I can't tell anymore. Total awesomeness befuddles my brain yet again....

Although I *AM* wondering how a person with apparent credit issues is paying for studio time. Back in college when I was a sound engineer it was $50 an hour to use the school's facilities, and over $100 an hour for a commercial studio. And that was twenty-five (plus) years ago. Maybe by "studio" they actually mean "my parents' basement"? Second language issues and all...

Anonymous said...

So, rap, huh? Please tell me they're white. Young white middle class suburban boys doing the whole gangsta peacock display thing--now, that would just REALLY make my day. Or not. I can't tell anymore. Total awesomeness befuddles my brain yet again...

And yet, Mojo, your powers of (psychic?) perception are as sharp as ever.:) Yes, white middle class suburban boys, very much so. And the studio likely is the basement of the parents' house -- you're most likely right about that too.

Cosmic Connie said...

Eliz wrote:

"I think he tried to say Profit [as opposed to 'Prophit' ~ CLS], but misspelled again. :)"

Well, at least he'll fit right in with rap culture, which has (and I am being kind here) never been known for its spelling skills. In fact, misspelling -- deliberate or not -- seems to be a badge of pride in the rap/hip-hop world.

Cosmic Connie said...

Mojo, as you'll see if you read Eliz's comment immediately following yours, your instincts were right on target, at least about the demographics of the Five Percenters.

Now, as for the parents'-basement scenario, that's anyone's guess, but it would certainly be my first guess too. Studio, schmudio! These days, anybody with a minimal amount of computer equipment (hardware and software) can make music, or something vaguely resembling music, and can burn it to a CD, design their own labels and CD covers, put their music on YouTube and MySpace, etc. I understand that one doesn't even need a basement (or a garage). :-)

In any case, the goal of the Five Percenters is to be the best darned rap group ever, and, of course, to awaken and inspire people. New-Wage rap -- hey, that's even better than Christian Rap, which (and I hope you'll pardon me for saying this, Mojo) I used to call C-RAP. But not any more, of course, since you have awakened within me a new respect for crap.

Anonymous said...

She shoots-she SCORES!!!

I grew up in a totally Wonder-bread Martha Stewart wanna-be "Leave It To Beaver" middle class suburb in CT back in the 70s, so my exposure to rap is practically nonexistent, aside from watching (and ultimately rather liking) the movie "8 Mile" with Eminem.

It's got the whole one man against the world cliché and all, but the improvisational rap battles are just phenomenal, at least to someone who's never seen such a thing before. Sometimes I put on the final rap battle to watch as a pick-me-up, because it's actually a very Aikido-esque "leading with your weakness" lesson. It's pretty cool.

So on the strength of this one Hollywood movie I an wildly guessing that what the rap community lacks in spelling skills the GOOD ones make up for it with sheer linguistic virtuosity. Once you get past the eff-this eff-ing that, eff-eff-eff every other word, that is. (Just not what I grew up with, is all.)

Of course the operative word here is "good". The special features on the disk have Eminem battling with some local talent and there's a serious chasm between those who can do it well and those who just THINK they can.

And yeah, not to totally rag on making your own stuff, even if it is in your parents' basement. That's where the South Park guys got their start. But they have a certain degree of talent in what they do. (Whether you like it or not is another story.) And I'm of the opinion that Madame Talent is the one bugaboo that really trips up all the wishful thinkers out there. Talent is usually the result of YEARS of hard, obsessive work, and there's just no getting around that.

Just finished reading Malcolm Gladwell's latest book on "Outliers" and one of the first things he sez is, the Big Thing that separates the men from the boys is the number of hours one practices at whatever it is you're doing. The big round figure to reach (according to MG) is 10,000 hours of SERIOUSLY working on your craft.

I'm guessing many wanna-bes and poseurs in any field probably have a few more hours to go....

Cosmic Connie said...

Yeah, Mojo, I'll grant that there are rappers and hip-hop artists who are linguistically skilled. Even though I'm not a big fan of the genre I don't dismiss it entirely and I certainly can't discount the influence it has had on pop culture. As for our friend JB of the Five Percenters, I noticed when reading one of his blogs that he is soliciting donations. Apparently his ambition is to go to college and get a music degree, and he needs a bit of help financing his dream.

Rather than begging for money, maybe JB simply needs to use the special Prosperity Prayer/Affirmation that Mr. Fire recently shared on *his* blog. This is courtesy of Mr. Fire's pal Will Bowen, the Complaint-Free purple plastic bracelet man. (Oh, yes, you only THOUGHT affirmations
were passe...soooo late 1980s and all that. Well, it shows what you know.) Granted, there is no instant gratification here. You have to read this thing aloud every day for 30 days in order for it to work. It's a New-Wage novena of sorts, though it drags on much longer than nine days.

Here is the link:
http://blog.mrfire.com/prosperity/the-prosperity-prayer/

Anyway, maybe our young friend JB could benefit from that.

Ah, South Park! One of my not-so-guilty pleasures. I love it, and cannot understand why Ron does not share this love. My only regret about this past Christmas is that I didn't do my customary annual viewing of the original "Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo" episode. Since I own it I can watch it any time, but it's just not the same when the air isn't reeking of Holiday Spirit.

You're right about the wannabes and poseurs. But hope springs eternal, and I'm sure that these wannabes make up a large part of the market for the New-Wage gurus/career dilettantes who only made it big themselves after years or decades of trying one thing after another, but are now blithely peddling the idea that they've discovered "shortcuts" to success. ("What I have learned can save you YEARS of frustration and struggle!") I have seen this again and again. And truly, it makes me sigh...sometimes with envy, if you want to know the truth.

IGFMAS (I Gotta Find Me A Scam)...

Cosmic Connie said...

Oh, and speaking of prosperity affirmations... The only thing better than a prosperity affirmation/prayer is a RHYMING prosperity affirmation/prayer.

Barry Thomas Bechta, whom I mentioned in my post of 10 January, was apparently inspired by Mr. Fire's blog post about the prosperity affirmation. Barry, who recently paid five grand to ride in Joe's Rolls-Royce (but, alas, couldn't afford to attend Joe's "Attract Wealth" workshop a few weeks later) has created a powerful rhyming affirmation. It begins thusly:

"Today is the day, my beliefs empower myself and others right away!

"Today is the day, I AM Financially Free, Hip Hip Hurray!

"Today is the day, I have a beautiful new car in my driveway!

"Today is the day, I own my dream home and in my pool I love to play!

"Today is the day, I travel to exotic places worldwide with loved ones, yes today!

"Today is the day, my laughter bubbles forth with giggles and hurrays!"

And so on. For the full, unexpurgated version, follow this link:
http://tinyurl.com/9fbeof

Hmmm. Maybe the Five Percenters could turn this into a rap hit.

Anonymous said...

Connie... Bechta -- OMG! LMAO. And some more. And still more.

Jee-bus. If you did not provide real honest-to-goodness links to these bozos, I would swear you're making this all up.

You are not making this up, are you...? Lordy lord...

Anonymous said...

Re: South Park--I was an internet fan of the original "Jesus vs. Santa" ages ago, but since I didn't (and still don't) have access to cable I could only look on in envy as the Cartoon network picked it up. Since then I've only seen bits and pieces when people lend me their DVDs.

Some nice person made me an audio tape of the Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics CD when it came out. That year I went Christmas shopping with my Favorite Older Sister and as we were driving I put it in and said it would get us in the holiday spirit. I was singing along all innocent-like and she started laughing so hard I feared I was going to need new car seats.

They can be hit or miss, like most intentionally offensive things, but when they hit they're pretty funny. I saw the movie and while I was LMAO for the opening song, I think I fell asleep in the theater during the actual war, so I've never seen it all the way through.

(Oh, and I'm not a huge fan of rap, either. But "8 Mile" kinda showed all the work and art and skill behind it, FWIW. Plus a lot of the put-downs in the rap battles are just really funny.)

Cosmic Connie said...

Eliz, no, I'm not making it up. That's one reason this blog is so easy to write. It practically writes itself. :-)

Cosmic Connie said...

Mojo, how lucky you were to be able to take Mr. Hankey's Christmas classics mobile. I bet it really added to the Christmas Spirit. As for rap/hip-hop, yeah, I like some of it too. But in small doses.

Cosmic Connie said...

Update on Mr. Fire & True-dough...

A guy named Matthew wrote to Joe Vitale's “Meeting Kevin Trudeau” blog post, attempting to answer our friend Jonathan Browne's question regarding scams True-dough has been involved in. Matthew did get one fact wrong, regarding the legality of the injections necessary to follow True-dough's weight loss plan, and Joe jumped on that – but didn't address the other stuff. Anyway, here is the exchange, followed by some more comments and links from yours truly:

==BEGIN==

# Matthew Adams says

Wow…where do I start?

I guess I will just keep this simple.

This is to Jonathan Browne (name a scam).

Let’s start with his infomercials on cures. Have you noticed how he never finishes the cure in his book? You have to finish reading up about it on the internet…his website…which you have to subscribe to…for a monthly fee.

And…here is the funny part…when you do buy the book from the infomercial…without telling you…they subscribe you to the website…just TRY getting off that one, customer service will not pick up…or, they will just hang up on you.

His diet book…WOW…through out the infomercial…he LIES. It is NOT easy, it DOES require a doctor (remember…injections that you CANNOT get in the U.S. because they are illegal), and you cannot just eat what you want…not to mention the daily calonics [sic (he meant colonics)].

Then there is ITV Ventures.*

Hmmm

And this is a man that you call a friend?

Wow!
Matthew Adams


January 24th, 2009 | #
# Joe Vitale says

Hi Matthew. I used to think like you, but I went and checked the facts. Turns out the weight loss cure is not illegal in the US at all. I called my medical doctor and he sells it. Yes, the diet requires medical supervision, but anyone needing to lose a lot of weight and is serious about it should have a doctor watching them. Thank God Kevin Trudeau is helping the public with this informaiton [sic].
Blessings,
joe

==END==

So…no big surprise… Joe is still trying to paint Kevin as a brave warrior who battles on, trying to help the public despite being repressed by the government and vilified by the media.

* The aforementioned ITV Ventures was a (now-defunct) scheme run by another apparent ripoff artist, Donald Barrett; Kevin Trudeau joined the team in 2006. Here's a link to a page on Ripoffreport.com, detailing one former employee's experience with ITV Ventures:
http://tinyurl.com/ctbpk3

And here's a link to more reports on the same site:
http://tinyurl.com/b4l74l

ITV went out of business, and Donald Barrett started up a new company, EVS Group. According to the blurb on EVS’s Squidoo page (http://www.squidoo.com/evs_group), Barrett was “leaving the health and wellness product business” because of “run-ins with the FTC.”

But, guess what… EVS seems to be out of business too now.
http://tinyurl.com/d5zwck

Those pesky gummit agencies just keep harassing them honest con men.

As for True-dough, although he is apparently banned from appearing in infomercials until 2011, he’s definitely not out of the game.

One more amusing link, and then I’ll sign off for now…
http://tinyurl.com/65htaa

jean frankel tries to murder me of ideas for action llc said...

I don't think he is guilty of war crimes at all; Karadzic and Mladic are nice guys and fun to chill out with :L)
J Starr