Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Friday, May 27, 2011

Calling all trannies! (and Harry Potter fans)

The headline for the Access class description was provocative, to say the least:

"Are You Willing to BE the 9 Trannies?"

To tell the truth, I've never really had any desire to be one tranny, to say nothing of nine. But Access -- the cultishly wacko sex-and-money org that was born when the ghost of Rasputin whispered into a bored/failed real estate agent's ear more than 20 years ago* -- is always challenging people to stretch beyond their wildest imaginings.

The 9 Trannies is/are one of Access' hot new schemes, and it fits right into the group's ongoing promotional theme of "Hogwarts for grownups."

The phenomenal success of the Harry Potter books and movies surely demonstrated that these books struck a very deep chord in their audiences of adults as well as children.

Could it be that the deep chord was the acknowledgment, somewhere in people’s universes, that what has been dismissed, as “magic” is actually more real than much of what we call the “reality” around us?

Are you one of the adults who wasn’t fooled that these were stories for children? Do you long to attend Hogwart’s yourself?

Now you can!

Of course Access isn't the first supposedly adult org to grab onto the Harry-Potter-style-magick-is-for-realz theme; Marcy From Maui's Law of Attraction forum members were all over that a few years ago when The Secret was just hitting its stride. (I've provided links on this blog to those discussions, but I'm not going to go back and hunt for them because I can almost guarantee you that the links won't work any more. Seems like every time I mentioned a Marcy From Maui link on this blog, it disappeared soon after.)

And the Harry Potter theme isn't the first one to have been exploited by Access. They've been all over The Matrix and Avatar as well. Avatar really captured their imagination with that whole human v. humanoid motif.

Anyway. I know this might come as a disappointment to some, but Access claims that the 9 Trannies class has nothing to do with a sex change operation -- although it appears that at least a couple of the Trannies are related to changing one's gender at will. Here's the breakdown of the 9 Trannies you'll learn how to do or be or whatever, if you take the upcoming Access class:

  • Transformation: the ability to change anything from what it is now into something different (demolecular manifestation is an example) [e.g., that dimwitted Ocean 300 scheme ~ CLS]
  • Transmigration: the ability to move from one location to another without transport, or faster than “regular” transport could take you
  • Transfiguration: the ability to morph something from what it appears to be into something different
  • Transsexualness: the ability to change the sexual energy of any moment or any thing at will
  • Transpiration: the ability to change what is going to occur into a different event
  • Transmutation: the ability to change something from what it is into something greater
  • Translocation: the ability to move something from one location to another
  • Transliteration: the ability to talk and understand any language
  • Transmogrification: the ability to change your appearance into something different

And here are more explanations, just to get you really excited and inspired:

Transformation is the ability to change anything from what it is now into something different.
Transmigration is the ability to move from one location to another without a car, plane, train, or bus – migrating across space.
Transfiguration is the ability to morph something from what it appears to be into something different.
Transsexualness is the ability to change the sexual energy of any moment or anything at will. It means you don’t function from your sexuality as the source of your reality. (Sexuality always requires judgment.)
Transpiration is the ability to change something that is going to transpire in the future and change it into something that doesn’t have to be, so something else can occur.
Transmutation is the ability to change something from what it currently is into something you would like it to be. It is a mutation from what it is into something greater.
Translocation is moving something from one location to another.
Transliteration is about talking in any language and understanding all languages.
Transmogrification is shifting what you look like into something different. You could for example switch your shape from being a man to a woman.
[In other words: a sex-change operation without the knives, stitches, implants, and hormones. ~CLS]

But does all of this Access Tranny stuff really work? Does it yield measurable, observable results? As it turns out, that doesn't matter, because Access has a fail-safe built right into the scheme:

What if you used the 9 trannies for the joy of it? What would be possible then? What it [sic] was just fine for you to be magic everyday? Would anybody notice? No – because it doesn’t fit their reality!

In other words, just because the rest of the world doesn't acknowledge your achievement of tranniness, that doesn't mean it isn't real. It simply means that your magickal results do not fit the Muggles'...um...the humans' reality.

And to my lucky pals in the Denver area: y'all will have a chance to attend a Tranny class in June -- that is, if you have taken Access Levels 1 & 2 within the past twelve months, and you have $1,350 to blow on the Tranny class. Alternatively, maybe y'all could just apparate or use a Portkey.

I will be waiting for your reports.

* The Rasputin origins of Access are downplayed these days, to the extent that my little composite above would be more accurate if I had placed Rasputin's visage on Voldemort (He Who Must Not Be Named) rather than Gary Douglas's.

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12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the only demonstrated trannie will be translocation; $1350 leaves your pocket and enters theirs.

Friday, May 27, 2011 3:20:00 PM  
Blogger Kathryn Price said...

I see. So I could transform, transmigrate, transfigure, transsex, transpire, transmutate, translocate, transliterate, transmogrificate and nobody might notice except me? Yeah...okay. I heard that something like that happened to some people at a party back in the 1960s and they all transmigrated into their own worlds. I didn't know people actually teach how to do this at seminars.

Friday, May 27, 2011 5:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This sounds like James Ray crap on steroids
~Anon

Saturday, May 28, 2011 9:27:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Anon May 27 wrote: "I think the only demonstrated trannie will be translocation; $1350 leaves your pocket and enters theirs."

You nailed it. And that's not even counting the several thousand bucks that presumably already left your pocket and entered theirs in order for you to qualify to attend the $1350 Trannies class.

Sunday, May 29, 2011 10:44:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Kathryn, you would be surprised (or maybe not) at what they teach at Access seminars. What I find difficult to believe is that (supposedly) educated (supposed) adults continue to give money to these jokers.

Sunday, May 29, 2011 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Anon May 28: Both James Ray and Access founder Gary Douglas have been influenced by Scientology and numerous wacko New-Wage ideas. One big difference is that as far as I know, Access hasn't killed anyone (yet). It has apparently contributed to the destruction of a few marriages, family ties, and bank accounts, though.

Sunday, May 29, 2011 10:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Idioteque said...

Are the rejects from all 3 seasons of "RuPaul's Drag Race" going to do all of those Access seminars?

But wait, they're ALREADY doing that! It's a show on the Logo Network called "Drag U" XD But IRL, they make over biological women to look like fierce drag sistas!!

Tuesday, May 31, 2011 11:48:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Hey, good question, Id. Gary and Dain are supposedly going to be doing the 9 Trannies class, but who knows what form(s) they'll assume? Maybe they'll transmogrificate themselves into other genders or even other species. Actually, like all Accessories they already consider themselves a species apart; they're humanoids as opposed to merely human... Anyway, it should be a rollicking good time.

Wednesday, June 01, 2011 10:27:00 AM  
Anonymous Citizen Noir said...

Are you willing to Be Transforms into a Pauper?????

Just read through their website and was on their facebook page as well.

OMG these people are like vampires - creating programs ripped from the major religions - redefined words and meanings;

I means here is some crapola


‎"Choice creates awareness, awareness does not create choice" - Gary Douglas

what a load of Balls...

it is a wonder that these self-help guys never get a proper foothold in the UK - Proctor has tried and gone, so has Brian Tracy, Robbins was big in the late 90's but now - pmmff nowhere.

I think our laws over here may put them off I will look into it.

Anyway I am accessing myself into a right raging attitude - Douglas and his pal the Russian Mad Monk are not on my mockumentary crap list.

right I better go and transform myself back to being an amoeba

best

CN

Sunday, July 17, 2011 5:15:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Hi there, CN! Oh, you've just seen the tip of the iceberg, language- and thought-wise. Gary Douglas's statement about "choice/awareness" is just one of many language-mangling (could you call it "langling?" :-)) word games that he and his Accessories play.

F'rinstance, Gary has taught that the word "want" and several other words in the English language were radically changed (from their previous meanings) in dictionaries that were printed after 1946. I'm not sure if there's supposed to be some mystical-consciousness significance about that or if it's just an esoteric bit of etymology/lexicography to which only Gary and the Accessories are privy. Also, if you want to see language and meanings really slaughtered, look up the blog of one of Gary's close pals, a California USA Access facilitator named Dr. Kacie Crisp.

Apart from the language mangling, one of the most absurd aspects of Access is that Accessories claim they can actually rearrange matter at a molecular level by use of mental tools taught in Access Consciousness. Follow some of the links on this blog and you'll get an idea. ("A Little Motion on the Ocean" is one such post.)
http://cosmicconnie.blogspot.com/2010/02/little-motion-on-ocean.html

And yes, Access is a rip-off of numerous more successful schemes, including Scientology, with large and small proprietary touches here and there. Gary and his sidekick Dain are just making up crap as they go along. Amazingly, many folks are buying it. And this mystique of wisdom apparently gets Dain laid (and possibly Gary too), and puts money in their pockets.

As for Access getting a toe-hold, or a tentacle-hold, in the UK, they're apparently working on it. Though Access began in the US, it is steadily spreading. They've had quite a presence in Australia and New Zealand for years, but they're making headway in Canada, Europe and the UK now as well. Look at their class schedule and you'll notice several upcoming classes in your part of the world.
http://www.accessconsciousness.com/schedule.asp

In fact, the aforementioned Kacie Crisp will be visiting London Towne in October 2011.

They're getting more press these days, almost all of it bordering on favorable or at the very least unquestioning. I am still pretty much the only blogger who writes about this group in a critical way. Either that's because Access really does have some magickal key to manipulating things into going their way, or they're still so insignificant in the larger scheme of things that real journos and more serious bloggers don't see them as any big deal.

But I'm gonna keep on snarking about them anyway. I have a few allies in this project, and I gladly welcome you to the party.

By the way, in case you haven't seen it, and apropos of the discussion we've been having on Salty's blog, here is Gary Douglas himself visiting my Whirled (the "Motion on the Ocean" post), and claiming that Access is NOT a cult:
http://tinyurl.com/ylfnrke

My reply to him perhaps erred on the side of politeness and civility (as I sometimes tend to do), but some commenters who followed were a little more direct.

Sunday, July 17, 2011 11:53:00 AM  
Blogger Graziano dominici said...

first of all:I'm blaming you because you are not talking shit and jugging me too!
Hey I'm Graziano a new pupil of Gary and Dain from Italy and have 2 medical degree could you pls give me some soptlight too?Why do u keep igniring me?there are not just Dain and Gary...there is even me: Graziano Access: a new kid in town, to consider and to attribute all the scam...so pls...talk really bad even of me..ok?

Tuesday, October 08, 2013 4:16:00 AM  
Blogger Kristen Northrup said...

Access has made my depression disappear and make me realize my emotions are choices and we create our own lives and situations, I've improved my life very much so thanks to access. Have you tried it? I wouldn't knock it till you have. I know a lot of it SOUNDS obsurd, but in my experience this stuff changes shit!!!!

Sunday, May 25, 2014 6:14:00 PM  

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