Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

What's next? Access death panels?

I thought I was finished for the time being with my "celebration" of Access Consciousness, that wacko sex-and-money scam for the new "Me" generation, but then I came across another blog post from California Access fasillytator Dr. Kacie Crisp. I don't mean to be picking on Dr. Crisp, but she's on my radar as someone who is very close to Access founder Gary Douglas, the former b.f.f. of Grigori Rasputin. Dr. Crisp has frequently done radio interviews with Gary and seems to be one of his most faithful champions. And she just keeps on writing stuff that reflects Accessories' characteristic (though hardly unique) New-Wage selfishness and narcissism. In a recent blog post about grief and loss, Dr. Crisp wrote:


...A high school friend of mine told me she felt sorry for me because both of my parents passed away when I was a young adult–I was 26 when my mother passed away, and 32 when my father passed away. This pity was especially surprising to me since her own father died in the summer between our junior and senior years of high school, and her mother, though still alive, was one of the stingiest meanest most judgmental and negative people I ever met. Yes, she was still alive if you call that living!

My husband David and I are often grateful that our parents chose to leave when they did, because we see so many people our age whose lives are limited and burdened by caring for aging parents, often for years and years and years, and at the expense of creating their own lives.

Being “orphaned” at a relatively young age had the effect for me of adding to my life. There was no inheritence [sic] to wait for, no one’s approval to gain. It was viscerally clear to me from the time my parents died that what I have in life, I create. This created a tremendous sense of freedom in my life, and the motivation to go for whatever I desired. I have created a life that’s pretty amazing so far, and how much better can it get?

By the way, Kacie's hubby David is the son of Eileen and Peter Caddy, founders of the Findhorn Community in Scotland. Eileen died at Findhorn in 2006 at the age of 89, and Peter, who left Findhorn in 1979, died in a car crash in Germany in 1994 at the age of 77. It was right nice of both of them not to inconvenience their son.

Several things strike me about that segment of Kacie's blog post. The first one is that while Access is supposed to be all about removing all "judgment" from one's life, Dr. Crisp appears to be snorting a big line of the j-drug in that first quoted paragraph regarding her friend's stingy, mean, judgmental mom. The second thing that struck me is Dr. Crisp's casual acceptance of the Access credo, which actually seems to be quite common among New-Wage believers, that everything in one's life is a conscious choice, including one's time and mode of death. (The story goes that we choose our parents and our entire life situation too; we do all that between lives.) In other words, Dr. Crisp's parents as well as her husband David's folks chose to die when and how they did. Jeez, wouldn't James Ray's defense lawyers for his manslaughter trial love to have a jury composed of Accessories? If Kirby Brown, James Shore, and Liz Neuman chose to die when they did, that would totally let Death Ray off the hook.

As it happens, I'm an orphan too, but I don't feel nearly so free and giddy about it as Kacie and David apparently do. I feel more as if I'm adrift in the Universe, especially since I don't have kids of my own. Sometimes it's more a feeling of loneliness than freedom. I lost my dad when I was a teenager; I worked that story into this long blog post (if you don't want to read the whole thing, scroll down to "When the rich are (in)different"). I lost my mom much more recently; she died three days after Christmas 2007, and though it's been more than three years now I still haven't been able to write very much at all about her. I can post long eulogies for departed dogs and cats, but a mom...well, that's a bit more complicated. Suffice to say that my siblings and I did indeed suffer numerous emotional and financial crises in our mother's final years -- I suppose Kacie or other Accessories would say we were limited and burdened. But somehow we can't work up any resentment at our mother for not choosing to get out of the way earlier so we could get on with our own lives. And it's hard for us to believe that our dad deliberately chose to get plowed down by a drunk driver when he was walking down a street early one morning years ago, when all three of his children were still young and living at home. Was his life with us really so awful that he wanted to bug out?

Relationships are complicated and are often as frustrating as they are rewarding. But to Accessories, it seems that all relationships are burdens, whether they're with spouses or those bothersome creatures called parents, especially old parents. Anything that doesn't make one feel all "light" and giggly and giddy is something to be shed of. I wonder who is going to care for Dr. Crisp in her dotage, or if she'll "choose" an early departure so as not to be a burden. And I wonder, as I often do when New-Wagers brag about how amazing their lives are, just how amazing Kacie's really is. I imagine there's much more to her story that she's not telling. But in my view she has told enough, just in those few paragraphs on her blog, to make me think that there are times when Access and similar New-Wage scams are not merely silly, but profoundly disturbing.

PS ~ For those of you who have elderly loved ones in your life and are not enlightened enough to feel right about abandoning them, Dale Carter's TransitionAgingParents.com site might be a helpful resource.

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53 Comments:

Blogger kyra said...

I have the same problem with ex-"Dr." Caroline Myss. She chastises her readers for everything they have done, will do, or could do wrong. As she chews off their ears, she sounds a lot more like an old, bitter hag than an enlightened, spiritual prophetess.

I don't know how people can believe those like Myss and Dr. Crisp, who are so clearly not living what they are preaching (they aren't even talking like they think others should talk). I guess their followers like a good emotional S&M session, but I would think it would create the most annoying sort of cognitive dissonance within them.

I also wanted to comment on how surprisingly open you are about the personal details of your life. In the New Age, as I'm sure you're aware, people look for anything that's ever gone wrong with you and use it to assess where you are "vibrationally" or "spiritually" or whatever, so I think it's very bold to be willing to put it out there as you do. It's very refreshing to someone who comes from the Abraham Hicks world, where everyone smiles and only focuses on the "positive aspects" (even if their daughter is going through chemo and they just filed bankruptcy).

Saturday, March 12, 2011 5:58:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thank you, Kyra. I have a couple of Carolyn Myss' earlier books, published when she was first making her name as a "medical intuitive" or something to that effect. I confess I haven't kept up with her in recent years.

I do share some stuff about my personal life on this blog, but only the things that I think are relevant to a particular post or to the general purpose, such as it is, of Whirled Musings. But I've had enough experience with New-Wage pop-psychoanalysis to know that even if I never shared a single personal detail here, the analysts would be crawling out of the woodwork to tell me that I'm critical or snarky because of some deep-rooted spiritual or emotional issues, or because I'm envious or ignorant or in some way negative. In fact many have engaged in such analysis without apparently reading anything I've written about my own personal experiences.

And speaking of sharing details about one's life, I initially thought that the good Dr. Crisp had a few words about that too.
http://www.howtostaymarriedandhappy.com/why-you-shouldnt-share-your-truth-1265.html

Judging from the title and the first sentence, I thought her post was about why you shouldn't confess things about yourself. But I should have known better. Actually it was more about why you shouldn't let others know what you think about *their* motives. Obviously Dr. Crisp was employing a more New-Wagey definition of "sharing your truth." The message was that she doesn't like people second-guessing her motives for behaving the way she does.

Saturday, March 12, 2011 6:37:00 PM  
Blogger kyra said...

Since her early days as a "medical intuitive," Myss has decided to cash in on the imaginary friend industry. Her latest book was written with her good pal, the very dead St. Teresa of Avila. She says she no longer talks with the deceased messenger of God (as if that would just be insane).

You make a very good point. I share minimal personal details about myself and get all sorts of kooky analysts telling me about my negative vibrations and such. But, of course, Cosmic Connie, they don't need to read about you. They can read your vibrations and your energy-field.

It looks like I have to let Dr. Crisp off the hook, though. She clearly says in your link that she's "weird and different," so these things just don't apply to her. We just have our silly little opinions of her. Speaking of which: how dare you judge the title and the first sentence of Dr. Crisp's work! I knew you were just a judging anger-monger all along ; )

Saturday, March 12, 2011 7:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From reading a number of Dr Crisp's posts I see a great deal of bitterness coming from an arrestingly self centered person. The real point seems to be the other people's judgments are bad but theirs are right on the money.

She is but an example of this. Access labels people who disagree with them "elfs.". That cutsie acronym is Access for "evil little f**k". I guess Gary didn't want to use the Scientology word this time. (hint: brown and furry, loves nuts and is close friend of moose)

The man simply pulls, as a friend of mine would say, monkeys out of his butt and the accessories ooh and ahh over them.

You know what folks? The reason you never felt like you fit in isn't that you're a very special infinite being humanoid. It is because you have always been narcissistic to a fault.

Saturday, March 12, 2011 7:47:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

You got me pegged, Kyra. ;-)

But at least I was open-minded enough to read the rest of Dr. Crisp's blog post.

Saturday, March 12, 2011 8:14:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

You pretty well summed it up, Anon!

Saturday, March 12, 2011 8:16:00 PM  
Blogger Kathryn Price said...

Dr. Kacie Crisp's blog post was disturbing. I followed the link after reading the excerpt on your blog to find: "It’s very relevant to the area of grief and loss, because that’s something that keeps us from being in the present and having what we’d really like here and now." I would say, no, Dr. Crisp, it's something that keeps us human. Having what we'd really like here and now as the only focus for our lives is for toddlers. If these "doctors" and gurus want to become inhuman, greedy self-actualized twits, fine, but I wish they would stop telling others that they're damned if they are human. The one "birthright" we do have--our humanity--is perceived as an impediment to our potential to be a freakin' self-actualized twit. Her parents obligingly chose to leave so she could focus on herself without being burdened? Nice. It reminds me of The Power. Everything and everyone in life is merely a prop for the unfolding drama of what it's really all about. You.

My dad died suddenly in 2009 and I had a practitioner of LOA say to me, "I don't know if you realize this, but you are lucky." After all, we were spared the possibility now of death from a long, drawn-out illness. She had to try to make me see the positive in it while I was still in shock from the suddenness of it. I'd like to think she was trying, in her way, to be a comfort, but all it did was make me bad for feeling grief instead of what I should do, which was to realize my good fortune. I realized my good fortune, which was to have had a great relationship with my dad, which was why it hurt to lose him suddenly without having a chance to say good-bye. Dr. Crisp and those like her impart the sense that to be human is to be tainted; it just gets in the way of creating you, that happy universe of one. I trust Crisp will choose to go gracefully in a way designated to make sure she's not a burden to the rest of us.

Sunday, March 13, 2011 10:17:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why stop with parents? We can apply this wonderful Access "tool" to spouses and children who develop significant illnesses that burden us and make us get all "heavy." If they all "choose" to expire the good news (for us) is that with Access tools their absense won't bother us much or for long.

Death is, apparently, only "an interesting point of view." And after the funeral (or during the most difficult parts of the loved one's life and death struggle) we can ask ourselves "what's right about this that I'm not getting?"

Monday, March 14, 2011 7:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Someone pointed your interesting blog out to me. With respect to Ms. Crisp, perhaps it is time for a reality check. I knew her parents very well and am familiar with their final illnesses.

Neither parent "chose to die." Kacie's mother fought colon cancer (spread to the liver) with all her might. She survived about three months, which was the mean survival rate at the time. The final month or so was grueling for the family that loved her, which is to say Ms. Crisp missed the burden of that due to her absence. Her siblings were involved in the decision to discontinue life support. She was not.

Today, by the way, the survival rate for this stage of colon cancer is much improved, due to advances in medicine, a field Ms. Crisp disparages (judges) often and severely.

Her father fought a lengthier battle against prostate cancer, though at the end there was much sadness and drama and heartache. Ms. Crisp's burden was lightened by the fact that her siblings handled the situation, including the decision to terminate medical treatment.

After reviewing other posts of hers, I must add that her parents both loved her enormously, but that she rejected them. She can spin this tale of her terrible childhood to strangers, who don't know better. It just isn't true.

Monday, March 14, 2011 9:14:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Your observations about New-Wage narcissism are spot-on, Kathryn. But I have to tell you that when you begin talking about "humanity" you lose the Accessories. They LITERALLY think they are a species apart: they are humanoids, and as such are more advanced than mere humans. Not that they're judging the rest of us; they're just observing that *they* are more advanced.

http://cosmicconnie.blogspot.com/2010/06/access-asks-are-you-humanoid-or-merely.html

And many of them apparently believe that the power of Access will allow them to live hundreds of years, enjoying glorious good health all the way.

If you read on, you'll see some more perspective about the good Dr. Crisp's parents, apparently from someone who knows the true story.

Kinda reminds me of Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale blithely saying his separation and divorce from his late ex-wife Marian was a joyful mutual decision. I knew there was much, much more to the story, and I was right.

I still miss my dad too. And my mom.

Monday, March 14, 2011 10:35:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

What's sad, Anon 7:18, is that your "modest proposal" would probably be perfectly acceptable to many Accessories.

Monday, March 14, 2011 10:36:00 AM  
Blogger RevRon's Rants said...

Funny... Unlike Ms. Crisp, I've cherished the opportunity to care for elderly parents, and felt a deep sense of sadness when those opportunities ended. If anything, my regrets are that I abdicated my mother's care to others in her final year, a decision I later learned brought her a great deal of sadness.

My "second parents" provide me with a second chance, and I know I won't repeat my earlier mistake. When my "second Dad" passed a few weeks ago, "Mom's" dependence upon me grew even more. I mourn the loss of opportunity to be there for my "Dad" as he was for me, and will make the most of the time I have left with "Mom." I cannot imagine the narcissism of someone who sees such a symbiotic relationship as nothing but a burden.

Monday, March 14, 2011 10:36:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Anon 9:14 AM, thank you for your additional perspective. I strongly suspected there was much more to the story than Dr. Crisp was telling, and it appears I was right.

I get this feeling of deja vu when I read stories like this...

Joe Vitale: "Meanwhile, my adventures continue and my life is one of magic and miracles." [originally in "Spiritual Marketing" but it also appeared in the original version of "The Shocking True Story of Jonathan" in *The Attractor Factor*]

Kacie Crisp: "I have created a life that’s pretty amazing so far, and how much better can it get?" [from blog post cited here]

The main difference between JV and KC is that Joe is making a lot more money than Kacie. But maybe he's just far more skillful at playing the New-Wage greed game.

Monday, March 14, 2011 10:47:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Thank you for weighing in, Ron. Given the recent loss of "Second Dad" and the quality time both of us (but especially you) have been spending with "Second Mom," I thought this post would hit you particularly hard. Thanks again.

Monday, March 14, 2011 10:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wooo-Hooo! My only child just lost all his grandparents! Allll Right! Gimme Five! How does it get any better than this?

Monday, March 14, 2011 5:33:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Now, that's the spirit, Anon 5:33! Other questions to ask:

"How did I get to be so lucky to have those annoying oldsters disappear from my life?"

"What else is possible?"

Gosh, the giddiness is contagious!

Monday, March 14, 2011 5:49:00 PM  
Blogger Kathryn Price said...

"But I have to tell you that when you begin talking about "humanity" you lose the Accessories."

You're right, Connie, I was way off in thinking that appeals to humanness or humanity would move the humanoids. I am apparently one of the 51% that is merely a prosaic human, and hopelessly mired in it since I don't think it's a bad gig. I went to the site of the humanoid test and looked at the questions. Oddly enough, I could tell which answers were the right ones--so maybe I'm edging towards the humanoids--how else could I have known this? I knew that the answer to the question of my favorite sex position should not be "missionery" (sic), but should be "all of the above amd (sic) more." Unfortunately, I think I have dense energy, not the light energy that I would need to be a real humanoid, changing the world with my innovative contributions to er, sex positions, or whatever.

I have been surprised in The Power discussion by some of the lightness with which the misfortunes of others are dismissed. One person told me that in an event like Hiroshima, people were incinerated in a second, and just reemerged as a conscious being immediately. No problem, then! My pleas that we need to actively address injustices in the world were met with indifference. I was told that people agree to their experiences beforehand. So why worry about it? Sigh. See? Dense energy.

Monday, March 14, 2011 7:45:00 PM  
Blogger kyra said...

Hey Kathryn Price, as someone who used to be one of these LOA-drones (specifically an Abe-Hicks drone), I can attest to the insensitivity that runs rampant through that sort of philosophy. I was taught to believe:

1) Suffering is a non-issue because when everyone dies, they emerge into pure positive energy, so it doesn't matter what they lived before.

2) Everyone chooses when they die.

3) Never join anyone in their misery.

4) Anything bad in anyone's life, they attracted.

These premises alone (and there are others), led me to be rather cold-hearted to other people when they spoke about their problems and ailments. I thought they just needed to stop whining and get happy, and every moment they weren't happy, they were just making it harder on themselves (idiots). Empathy and sympathy are not encouraged in these sorts of philosophies. God, I was a horrible person. Then again, I guess I still am...

Monday, March 14, 2011 7:45:00 PM  
Blogger Kathryn Price said...

Kyra, thanks for your outline of some significant premises for LOA believers. I tend to respect spiritual or religious beliefs for the most part; I do understand the sense or intuition that there might be something more. When people use these, though, for an excuse to abandon people and circumstances in this world, I find it shallow and selfish, not enlightened. If people feel that they chose their experiences beforehand, that's one thing, but to use this belief to callously dismiss the experiences of others, or to abandon their "burdensome" loved ones is nothing but cruel. When discussing the stage IV cancer of a mutual colleague with my LOA friend, she said, "Did you know that she always feared she would get that kind of cancer?" I said, "What are you saying? That she showed fear, therefore the universe stuck it to her?"

I suffer from migraine headaches. God knows, maybe I asked for them, but I've also begged for relief from them. If researchers hadn't worked on a class of medication that offers relief for them, I'd be in a world of hurt more often than I am. The researchers could have shrugged and decided that I chose the migraines and they don't really matter because I'll be pure positive energy someday (well, let's hope) but right now they matter to me very much in my ability to accomplish things in this life. So by taking the medication am I cheating myself out of whatever lesson I should be learning from them? I do consider myself "spiritual" but this world is what matters to me, and being human in this life matters to me more than some theoretical past or future life. Preventing the suffering of people and animals, or at least not contributing more to them, matters to me so that they can enjoy this life.

I did hear from some Caroline Myss fans, that is, if she's the one who said that groups of us chose to incarnate together. I found the same bewildering indifference to horrors such as the Holocaust in their remarks. Thanks, Kyra.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011 8:49:00 AM  
Blogger Curious said...

Kyra, I love your comments and I think You are beautiful. Please write more!!!

I have friends in the organization and have recently asked about complete freedom.
If I want to rape a girl and I'll feel free to do so. In the case of the raped girl's situation, their views are very extreme. If you choose to be raped and is dissatisfied with the sex you had, it's just your point of view.

The Japanese have now chosen both earthquakes and nuclear accident. or?

These horrific views must be shown to the public and thus stopped otherwise I'll have to make new friends.

Fun? Hardly?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011 10:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Quotes that make you think. At least if you aren't teaching people that thinking is a bad idea....

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines narcissistic personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:[1]

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1.Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2.Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3.Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4.Requires excessive admiration
5.Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6.Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7.Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8.Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9.Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Tuesday, March 15, 2011 12:51:00 PM  
Blogger kyra said...

Kathryn Price, I agree. I try to be respectful of believers (as I was once one of them). The charlatans and con-artists, I am less sympathetic towards.

"...being human in this life matters to me more than some theoretical past or future life." That's a beautiful statement.

I'm glad you mentioned your medication for migraines. A lot of people who bask in alternative healing methods do not recognize the enormous benefits that have come from the medical community (i.e. penicillin, smallpox vaccine, antiretroviral drugs, etc). People are living longer today because of modern medicine--not because of an understanding of LOA or some other such quackery (not to mention any names...*cough cough*...Access).

I too find the indifference to things like the Holocaust astonishing. I remember when I was working with the Teachings of Abraham and read about Sharon Tate's murder. I thought, "I don't care how negative a person is, I just do not believe that in a universe that is allegedly all-loving, someone would have the capacity to attract something like that to themselves." Abraham Hicks also made a similar comment as your LOA friend. They were talking about a girl who had been abducted and raped and said that it was something she had always been afraid of (hence, her attracting it)...as if suddenly that makes it okay.

Curious, stop it! I'm blushing ; ) Of course, has it taken you this long to learn that if you are raped, it's your fault? If your in an earthquake, your fault. Murdered...why'd you go and do that to yourself? Reminds me of the kid who hits the other kids with his own hand and says "Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!"

Unfortunately, I think there will always be those willing to believe these sorts of things regardless of their faults. And organizations like Access are teaching their philosophies to kids so future generations will get to deal with them too...yay!

Anonymous, Does 9/9 mean that's me? ; )

Tuesday, March 15, 2011 1:45:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Hey, everyone: I appreciate the comments and conversation -- so keep it coming! I'm on a bit of a deadline right now so can't actively participate but I'll keep publishing comments as they come in. Thanks again to everyone for your participation.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011 1:55:00 PM  
Blogger Kathryn Price said...

"The charlatans and con-artists, I am less sympathetic towards."

Likewise, Kyra, that's why I appreciate Whirled Musings, and it seems that there are more charlatans and cons than ever. Is it just easier to set up shop these days as an instant guru? By the way, I love your Nancy Drew "hidden staircase" avatar. I recently used that same cover in a whimsical commentary I was preparing. Nancy could always get to the bottom of things, no matter how perplexing the clues!

Anonymous, I was stunned by your list from The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, regarding narcissistic personality disorder. It describes so much of the kind of commentary I've come across in these discussion. There is a sense of entitlement, a sense that one should have "success" simply because they decide they want it. It's the American rags to riches story blown up to absurd proportions, where instead of achieving something through effort and/or ingenuity or perseverance, one is entitled to it for focusing on the right formula. The lack of empathy or ability to identify with others is clearly evident, as well as many of the other traits. I guess I should stop being surprised now by the disturbing things these people say. I think I will still be surprised, though, by the number of people who are willing to say them.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011 2:34:00 PM  
Anonymous Idioteque said...

Dang, it seems like these ACCESSories not only have narcissistic personality disorder, it's co-morbid with Asperger's. O_O Lack of empathy and being in your own world...hmmm

Wednesday, March 16, 2011 12:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From crusing some of the new wager sites looks like the LOAer are coming out with a vengance sending love and light to Japan. Maybe we should call them Loonies who stare at goats lol

~Anon

Wednesday, March 16, 2011 2:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Andrew said...

Connie, I appreciate your keeping us apprised of the Access excesses (perhaps you can rename them "Excess" or "InAccess").

Unlike you, I haven't-and won't-read the Access literature. Cults & scams bore me.

However, in today's blog, you mention something that intrigues me. Access claims that ALL relationships make us "heavy" and bring us down eventually.

My comments and question to you pertain ONLY to romantic relationships.

Interestingly, from the Tantric Yoga perspective (my specialty), romantic relationships offer us both an upside and downside.

Upside: They provide a gateway to personal growth and sexual happiness.
Downside: Exclusive relationships, however loving, limit our conscious freedom and sensual exploration with other partners.
And statistically speaking, relationships tend to weigh us down rather than buoy us up.

As statitics bear out, 90% of all relationships- new/committed/marriage- end in disappointment and regret.
90% of the time, when a woman & man hook up, they'll break up sooner or later. If they make it to marriage, 60% will fail. Of the 40% that struggle on, 50% of even these marriage survivors will be rocked by infidelity.

Please note: I'm not an apologist for polyamory, or Access "free love" nonsense. Nonetheless, realistically and psychologically, exclusive relationships do seem to engender more heavy baggage, and do, over time, remove the light of love from our eyes.

Connie, my question to you:
Where, specifically, in Access links, can I read about their views on the "heaviness" of exclusive relationships?

Thank you and keep up the great work!

Thursday, March 17, 2011 6:36:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

I'm still busy with a couple of deadlines so I won't address each of the individual comments that have been coming in over the past few days, but I want to say again how much I appreciate all of the contributions.

I did want to remark on the comment from Anon (March 15, 2011 12:51:00 PM) about the DSM-IV-TR list of narcissistic personality disorder traits. I'm glad you brought that into the discussion. It does seem that many New-Wage "leaders" -- and not just those associated with Access -- meet those requirements.

Kathryn and Kyra, I'm enjoying your exchanges and your trenchant observations.

Idioteque, good to see you here (and amen to the bit about "lack of empathy and being in your own world"). And thanks again for introducing me to Access in the first place.

Anon (March 16, 2011 2:28:00 PM), you're right about the ton of 'love and light' that's going out to the victims of the Japan disaster(s). On one level, I suppose, their empathy is commendable, and in all fairness I will suggest that New-Wagers with their love and light are no more silly than the more traditional religious types who are simply offering their prayers. But there's no doubt that some New-Wage entrepreneurs will find ways to exploit this disaster, even as they did the BP oil spill last year.

My favorite "wind whisperer," Phoenix aka Spirit Diva, has been leading meditations left, right, and sideways for the past week or so. No, she's not attempting to channel the tsunami or the earthquake in the way that she claims to channel hurricanes; she seems to be focusing on averting an all-out nuclear disaster by leading people in visualizations about "flowing water."

For example, there's this, from a recent email I received from her:

==BEGIN QUOTATION FROM SPIRIT DIVA==

NEW: REFERENCE #154 - Meditation for Japan...Flowing Water

"Too Busy" to Meditate? Consider this Simple Visualization:
1 - Recall a moment in time when you felt perfect JOY
2 - Hold that vision, feeling, knowingness for 60 sec
3 - From this place of JOY see in your mind's eye Japan's Nuclear Power Plants filling with freezing cold blue water until the water is flowing ove the top.
4 - Feel the JOY and Thankfullness that it is done!

Following the News: Everytime you hear about Japan and the situation with the reactor plants, see the water flowing, over-flowing, feel the joy that the situation is resolved perfectly--easily, quickly and completely--now under grace!

==END QUOTATION FROM SPIRIT DIVA==

I expect similar stuff from other New-Wage activists. No doubt some will take credit for averting worse disasters.

I also expect to hear of some who claim they saw the disaster coming all along, tried to warn others, and were ignored. And, of course, there will be those who will claim or imply that they have just the thing to avert future disasters. Access is already making noise in that direction.

"What contribution can we be to the planet and to all those affected by the earthquake in Japan? What is the earth telling us? Is it time for something totally different?"
http://www.facebook.com/accessconsciousness/posts/10150110588088772

I'll have to address Andrew's comment separately b/c of Blogger's cap on comment length.

Friday, March 18, 2011 1:41:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Andrew, I am not privy to much of Access' "literature," such as it is; my remarks are based mainly on what ex-Accessories and those who know current Accessories tell me about Access' teachings. I also read some of the Accessories' blogs, such as Dr. Kacie Crisp's. In general, however, Access appears to teach that anything that is "good" for you makes you feel "light," and anything that is "bad" for you makes you feel "heavy." This could apply to relationships of all types, to foods, and to a wide variety of activities and situations. I may be oversimplifying but not by much.

I'm aware of various Eastern concepts about intimate relationships, sexual energy, and attachment. And you make good points about the upside and downside to even the most fulfilling relationships. But IMO this doesn't lend validity to Access, which is an amalgam of Eastern concepts, Scientology, and just about anything else Gary Douglas and Dain Heer want to pull out of their a$$es. And while long-term relationships do add "baggage" and sometimes have the potential to "remove the light of love from our eyes," as you put it, Access' emphasis on self-fulfillment at the expense of hurting the people in one's life isn't doing much for that light of love either. But I appreciate your contribution to the conversation.

Okay, back to work for a while...

Friday, March 18, 2011 1:42:00 PM  
Blogger Kathryn Price said...

"Nonetheless, realistically and psychologically, exclusive relationships do seem to engender more heavy baggage, and do, over time, remove the light of love from our eyes."

What about the depth of love? How is that engendered? Regarding sensuality, there is an assumption that it is limited by exclusivity. Perhaps for some people, sensuality increases with depth and devotion -- what others might call "baggage"; it increases with knowledge and history, which can create an otherwise unavailable dynamic between people, including sparks unattainable with little known and half-hearted partners.

Saturday, March 19, 2011 7:20:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Excellent, Kathryn. It seems to me that Access teachings about sex are tailored to folks who are addicted to the sharp but transitory thrill that comes from newness. Once that new-relationship smell wears off, those so addicted are off in search of the next conquest. I imagine that to these people, the many advantages that come with "knowledge and history" are too subtle, too prosaic, and not at all the kinds of things that would inspire the giddy giggles and "oh-wow" mindset expressed in videos such as Accessorette Rikka's latest. (I've linked to it elsewhere but here it is again):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIh2fOXd7cM&feature=player_embedded

Then again, my perspective, like yours, is that of a mere human. We're cows to the humanoid horses. Moooo!

Saturday, March 19, 2011 11:38:00 AM  
Anonymous Andrew said...

Connie, my point is simple:
Truth hurts, but in the end, breakups are less painful.
Fun fact: The shelf-life of romantic partnerships is remarkably short.

Couples pile on baggage faster than airport baggage attendants. In a relationship, there’s no overhead bin for our emotional baggage. It's carry-on only, and it gets heavier & heavier.

Connie, you say, "Access' emphasis on self-fulfillment at the expense of hurting the people in one's life isn't doing much for that light of love either."

If one partner isn't self-fulfilled, are you saying he or she should stay in the relationship, so as not to "hurt" the other?

Couples without children who don't wake up each morning EXCITED to be with their partner should pack it in-pronto!

Kathryn says, "What about the depth of love?... Perhaps for some people, sensuality increases with depth and devotion...knowledge and history,..."
Not applicable to 90% of the relationships.

True, a couple lucky enough to discover how to add "depth and devotion" to their partnership may enjoy long-term happiness. They’re in the fortunate minority. The majority passively watch their relationships devolve from love & depth to one of friends with benefits.

Connie, you say: "Once that new-relationship smell wears off, those so addicted are off in search of the next conquest...to these people, the many advantages that come with "knowledge and history" are too subtle, too prosaic,..."

So, what's that OLD-relationship smell like that you seem to relish?
Is it the prosaic, “subtle” joys of knowing your partner’s quirks, BS, stinks, and dirty laundry (lit & fig.
Doesn't pass the sniff test to me!

Nothing very “subtle” or "advantageous" about most relationships that are living off the fumes of their long-gone "new-relationship smell".

Truth is, most couples are in business, NOT in love. And if they do feel "love", it's mostly sexual or based on memories.

Just to be clear: I’m staunchly against polyamory and multiple sex partners.
I advocate monogamous, renewable, short-leased relationships.

To your point about “newness addicts”…
Sure, many thrill-seeking adrenaline junkies thrive on new mates, new cars, new adventures. Nothing fulfilling about riding this emotional roller coaster.
However, you don’t have to be a “newness addict” to recognize that a baggage-laden, partially or totally unfulfilling relationship, is bad business.

My advice: NEVER compromise that “new-relationship smell”!

My relationship guideline: “One Good Year Lease.”
Take your relationship one year at a time. If it gets better, renew your lease...year by year...
Until the day-or moment-comes when you look at someone other than your partner with lust, and your relationship starts feeling old and worn out.
Then get out of your “One Good Year Lease” and look for a new lease on life & love.

Nature leases love and all romantic relationships to us. We don’t “own” love-either our own or our partners.
Relationships are leasing agreements, not “lease to own” agreements.

If a place stinks-literally or figuratively-you’d leave as soon as the lease was up.

Why settle for the runners-up prize in relationships?
Focus on the Big Prize:
NOTHING beats that “new-relationship smell”…not history & knowledge, not sharing memories, not "subtle" prosaic moments, not anything.

That’s why the “One Good Year Lease” makes such good relationship sense.

If your relationship stinks, move out!
If your partner "smells like Teen Spirit", renew!

Saturday, March 19, 2011 10:17:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Andrew, you're not telling me anything new about relationship stats, nor about the transitory nature of everything in this crazy and wonderful life.

It's easy for long-term relationships to grow stale, and I imagine that's largerly because of the way our brains are wired. Anthropologist Helen Fisher did some interesting research about this, though she spoke more in terms of "the four-year itch."
http://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Love-Natural-History-Marriage/dp/0449908976

Whether we're talking one year, four years, seven years, or more, most people have to work to keep things "new" and "exciting" in their relationships (or in any other aspect of life). You seem to be arguing, Andrew, that we shouldn't *have* to work at it, and that once a romantic relationship no longer "Smells Like Teen Spirit" it should be dissolved, at least if there are no complicating factors such as kiddos.

If a relationship truly stinks... yeah, get out of it. But if the main problem is that it's not utterly thrilling any more, it could still be worth saving. That's up to couples to decide for themselves, of course.

I understand that you are advocating serial monogamy rather than polyamory or promiscuity. And in truth, many people are serial monogamists for at least part of their lives, or perhaps much of their lives. Some are serial monogamists in their younger years, but after a while, they grow weary of changing partners. What worked when they were 25 or 35 may not be so appealing at 65 or 75 when the market of new partners has really dried up (unless, of course, you're Hugh Hefner).

But I'd say that if a year-to-year lease agreement works for you and your partner(s), go for it. Hey, at least a year is a more reasonable time frame with which to work than Access' "ten-second increments."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM2teFxIYDI

Your plan simply carries the relationship-as-business-arrangement to the logical next step. It all sounds so simple and straightforward until you factor in the differences in individuals. What if, after one year, one person is still getting thrills from the relationship, and the other one isn't? What if one person gets seriously ill or is in an accident, and the other person no longer finds the ill or injured partner thrilling and wants to bug out? Oh, well, if the lease agreement states that either party has the "right" to leave after the year is up, there shouldn't be any real problems. Heck, maybe whatever "baggage" accumulated in that year will get lost or misplaced.

(It seems to me, however, that life has a way of loading one up with "baggage" whether or not one is in a long-term relationship.)

Of course it takes two to make a good relationship, and I'm not saying that a deeply unhappy person should feel obligated to stay in a bad situation. Nor am I saying or implying that Access is solely responsible for relationship discord. Even that guy "Stephen" in my "Incredible lightness of boinking" post acknowledged that his midlife marriage had the expected share of problems anyway. Access merely provided his wife with an out.

But it seems to me that the stuff Access teaches provides a distraction and momentary escape from such problems but solves nothing, and encourages narcissism and self-centeredness rather than enlightened self-interest. Truth hurts, as you say. But does Access really offer "truth," or just more creative excuses?

But back to your concept: It sounds as if you're playing around with branding with that One Good Year Lease bit. Do I see a DVD/e-book/workshop series in your future? One Good Year Lease...OGYL -- hey, it could be pronounced like "ogle." You could start a whole new branded movement. It will draw controversy and attention, and might earn you some serious bucks for a while. Let me know how it goes.

Sunday, March 20, 2011 11:03:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

More Access relationship advice from the good Dr. Crisp:

“The best test of your relationship as well as the best predictor of its survivability is whether it’s fun now! This is not a theoretical point of view. It’s a practical tool you can use. Is your relationship fun now? Are you enjoying being with the person you’re with? If not why are you bothering?

“My 20 year old son recently commented that his several year long relationship with his high school girl friend was probably ending. Of course we asked why.

“‘We just didn’t have that much fun being together’” when they saw each other at Christmas.

“Yes! No trauma, no drama, just an awareness that this was not what he was interested in having in his life!”
http://www.howtostaymarriedandhappy.com/whats-the-best-test-of-your-relationship-1278.html

That may be fine for 20-year-olds, but what about 40-, 50-, or 60-year-olds? That could be a little more complex, but then again, Access is all about doing away with complexity.

Kacie’s son Arran (formerly known as Aaron, apparently) seems to have been involved in Access for several years. (In fact, teenagers really seem to like Access:
http://www.accessconsciousness.com/xmen-teenager-interviews.asp )

Here’s a trip back in time: snippets from an interview with "Arran Caddy, Age 16, USA"

Says AC:
"...I didn't do so well in school for a long time. I've been doing a lot better now, just because of random Access tools. Just being Access, basically, has helped me a lot. I mean, I don't study very much. The only thing that really helps is manipulating the teacher. That's the main one. If you can do that well, you can get an A in every class. That's what helps more than anything else.

"I do a lot of sports. I like to do outdoor activities and stuff. It's definitely made me stronger and more outgoing. So when I'm out there, I'm more of a presence. People notice me, when I play against them, like in soccer, or when I come up against them, they know; this guy's gonna push me around a little bit. People kind of back down a little bit, because I'm just there, and they notice it. I'm just different than he's seen before. So it kind of makes him step back a little bit.
HS: Would you say you're willing to intimidate other people?
AC: Definitely. That's manipulation, too."
###

And this...

"HS: What would you say to other kids who are considering coming to an Access class?
AC: I'd say it's fun. It's worth your time. And if you don't think it's fun, you could just leave. I mean, it's free. So, I mean, it's gonna be fun, no matter what class you go to, even if it's only you and grown-ups, you're gonna have a good time. And you're gonna meet plenty of other kids who're gonna have a good time, too."
###

Sure, it's free for kids, but the parents are paying out their noses. And for some, the real payment (or payback) may come years later when the aging parents’ Access-empowered kids dump them in a third-rate nursing home, or abandon them entirely.

But hey, it’s all about what’s fun now.

Sunday, March 20, 2011 12:44:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Andrew, if you can get permission to use it, here's a great theme song for your OGYL Relationship Revolution:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kChN_L3pDzc&feature=fvwrel

And to think you're getting all of this great marketing advice for freee!

Sunday, March 20, 2011 2:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Idioteque said...

Connie, I think that Andrew's rhetoric on committed relationships being an Eastern thing is so misconstrued. Did you know that February 13th is Mistresses Day in China?

Also, he reminds me of EVERY New Wage idiot I've EVER been to bed with.

Haha, Encyclopedia Dramatica did an entry on "The Secret": http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/The_secret

Sunday, March 20, 2011 3:12:00 PM  
Anonymous Idioteque said...

I think the whole "committment is death" crap is bullshit. I believe Andrew is citing Confucian beliefs, but those are sooo flawed (not to mention seriously misogynistic). That's the reason why you see so many Asian women dating OUTSIDE of their race, because they don't want to deal with being a last resort or a 4th wife and expect to be loyal while their husband has tons of mistresses on the side. F*ck that!

Sunday, March 20, 2011 3:49:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Points taken, Id, but in all fairness to Andrew he was citing Tantric beliefs, at least in his first comment, and much of the rest seemed to be based on his own observations and conclusions. And he seemed to be pretty egalitarian in the sense that his relationship "advice," such as it was, could apply equally to men and women. I don't see such views as misogynistic as much as I do self-centered, but if it works for him, and for his serial partner(s), if any, more power to 'em.

I understand what you mean about some Asian women, but on the other side of the coin, many American males have been attracted to Asian women (and women from other more "traditional" cultures) because they've had it up to here with assertive American gals, and they want someone who will be more appreciative -- and more servile.

Sunday, March 20, 2011 4:10:00 PM  
Anonymous Idioteque said...

Connie, I know what you mean :P The funny thing is, those same men who want a subservient "Lotus Blossom" afterward find themselves broke and lonely....with their tails between their legs.

http://youoffendmeyouoffendmyfamily.com/10-asian-things-western-guys-think-are-sexy-that-really-aren%e2%80%99t/

All of the Asian women I know wear the pants in the relationship. :P
#7 is hilarious!

Sunday, March 20, 2011 4:22:00 PM  
Blogger Kathryn Price said...

"Until the day-or moment-comes when you look at someone other than your partner with lust, and your relationship starts feeling old and worn out."

So lust is the deciding factor? Once that moment comes, off with the "old and worn out"? How long a shelf life does lust have, and do you assume it carries no baggage?
Lust is probably much less nuanced, I'll grant you that.

It seems to me that you're talking about sex without power or vitality in it. It can be scared off by dirty laundry. It needs the new smell to be interested, as substantial as a new toy. There is no danger in it, no chance that it might shake up your heart or soul, that it could be a more profound encounter than mere fun. And I have to say that for me, the thought brings on a big yawn.

Focus on the Big Prize:
NOTHING beats that “new-relationship smell”…not history & knowledge, not sharing memories, not "subtle" prosaic moments, not anything.

I disagree. It seems to me that you're talking about infatuation, which is really not all that interesting in the way of experiences after the first few times, if you ask me. But who asked me? :-)

I do not recommend staying in deeply unfulfilled relationships. But the one year lease smacks to me of fear and anxiety, fear that you might be less than enthralled at every moment of a relationship. Taking my emotional temperature constantly to ensure that I am being fulfilled does not seem freeing or enlivening to me.

Sunday, March 20, 2011 4:32:00 PM  
Blogger Emma said...

Hi Connie,

I took a couple of Access courses in 2008-9. I have major problems with their methods. However, I don't think what this Kacie Crisp person is saying is actually in line with Access philosophies as I understood them from the seminars themselves but mostly the written materials distributed at them.

If you're going to say you're an infinite being (they do) and that it's all an "interesting point of view" (they do), implying that nothing has any inherent meaning,

then I think you could make a cohesive statement that nothing is either all good or all bad, i.e. I suffered great loss when my parents died but there were blessings as well.

That is not what she is doing. She seems to be going to the opposite extreme, avoidance/bypass. NOT "expansive". They use that word. Expansive by definition should be as inclusive as possible, i.e. include the 'good' and 'bad', 'sacred' and 'sacrilegious', etc.

I'm putting it in all caps because it's so important:

ANY APPROACH THAT IGNORES/UNDERMINES HUMAN EMOTIONS AND LIMITATIONS WILL ULTIMATELY PROVE INEFFECTIVE AND LEAD TO GURU-ISM, DOUBLE STANDARDS, AND MORE SUFFERING THAN IT ALLEVIATES.

there.

Emma

Sunday, March 20, 2011 7:47:00 PM  
Blogger Curious said...

Kyra: About rape. Of course, you sometimes find that it is the girl's guilt
and that she may blame herself (stupid of course). The new that Gary says is that it's nobody's fault, because no error has been committed. If I think it would be fun to rape a girl and I'll do it otherwise I do not honor myself. These thoughts take us to new levels and total freedom.
Which brings us, unfortunately, also to a new level in terms of lack of empathy.

Recently, I was badly treated by one of the gang and became sad. In return I got a laugh.

Monday, March 21, 2011 12:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Andrew said...

Connie, just a few general thoughts on your comments and Kathryn's...

Thanks for clarifying where I'm coming from-Tantra Yoga. Misogyny has no place in my worldview.

Here's a gift to you or any enterprising reader. I hereby renounce all claims of intellectual property ownership for "One Good Year Lease"!
Run with it folks!
As a book, "One Good Year Lease" would make a nice quick buck. Subtitle: "Guaranteed the Best Relationship in the World-Or, Your Money Back!"
The cover features a "couple's leasing agreement" image...with the terms in BOLD.
Sort of "Leasing Vows"!
A fun, catchy, light read...how to set up your relationship as a "leasing agreement".
You're all free to cash in on it as you see fit.
Why my sudden generosity?
Don't get me wrong. I like quick easy money.
Thing is, "One Good Year Lease" won't enhance my real life reputation as a teacher/leader, so I disavow all claims of authorship/ownership express or implied.

Connie, NEVER use "OGYL"! Bad marketing! Too close to "OBGYN", and will subconsciously turn off women.

You ask, "Do I see a DVD/e-book/workshop series in your future?" Answer: Hell yes! But NOT "One Good Year Lease" LOL!

Men who seek Asian women for their "submissiveness" are typically angry, immature, borderline misogynists.
Submissiveness of ANY kind is anathema to Tantric relationships.

Kathryn quotes my line, "NOTHING beats that “new-relationship smell”, and wonders if this smacks of "infatuation" and "fear and anxiety"...
Nothing wrong with keeping infatuation going! As to "fear and anxiety", they have ZERO place in a great relationship.
One whiff of fear and/or anxiety in either partner, and for me, that's goodbye right there.

Finally, you say "...most people have to work to keep things "new" and "exciting" in their relationships... You seem to be arguing that we shouldn't *have* to work at it,..."
You got that right! It's not love if you have to work for it. I work for money-NOT my partners love or trust.
For me, having to "work on my relationship" is a deal/lease breaker.
Couple holding sign: "Will work for our relationship." No wonder they're romantically broke!

Monday, March 21, 2011 10:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Andrew said...

Now, on to the musical part of my comments...

**********************************
Connie, your musical suggestion for "One Good Year Lease" is OK.

I'd prefer Seether's "Fine Again":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrpcICY2TVY

**********************************

You say that we should "work" on our relationships. Cheryl Cole's "Fight for This Love" is your theme song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sA665MYzJXg

However, for me, the minute you have to "fight for this love", you've lost the battle. Move on.
True love should have no price tag. Either it's free, or it doesn't exist.

If true love's your thing, don't fight or work for it. Try George Acosta's "True Love":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OI3XhG7P8hE

***********************************

Love's overrated anyway. I'll take lust plus trust over love any day. If you've got lust & trust, you win. Lose either or both, and you lose.

Kathryn asks me, "So lust is the deciding factor?" No. Lust PLUS trust are the deciding factors.

Trust...an underrated quality.
Have a listen to George Acosta's "Trust".
Before you do...The singer, Truth (that's her name)chorus lyrics are difficult to understand. What she says is: "Is trust falling in me? Living for all that exists."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_ne1oRmV4U

***********************************

Ah, that "new relationship smell"...It smells like a beach-sun, sand, ocean, flowers, and your sexy lover who makes you feel alive & eternal.
Nothing beats it! In a nod to Kathryn, keep this smell effusing your relationship, and it DOES get better with age-like the ineffable scent of the finest wine imaginable!

Have a look/listen to this new lover's smell in Chris Rea's "On the Beach"-Make sure to watch in HD 720, Full Screen & turn up the volume!:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKBN3Jggn38

And let's not forget the original "new-relationship smell", Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTWKbfoikeg

Every couple's motto: "Here we are now. Entertain us!"

**********************************

If Tantric Love's your thing, check out Kutura & Raphael's CD "Tantric Wave". Sorry, it's not on Youtube.
Tantric Yoga pro's consider "Tantric Wave" to be the finest musical representation of the Tantric Yogic journey ever recorded.
"Tantric Wave" will answer every question you've ever had about Tantric lovemaking.

**********************************
Finally, a happy little song about a woman waking up & her life and relationship..."Her Morning Elegance" by Oren Lavie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_HXUhShhmY

Monday, March 21, 2011 11:28:00 PM  
Blogger kyra said...

Curious, No error? Wow! I read a Christian Science "healing" once where a woman who had been raped convinced herself that no error had occurred because she and her rapist were both children of God (and evidently children of God can't harm each other). I'm wildly disturbed by ideologies like CS & Access that tell victims of crimes that there has been "no error."

Tuesday, March 22, 2011 9:29:00 AM  
Blogger RevRon's Rants said...

"the one year lease smacks to me of fear and anxiety, fear that you might be less than enthralled at every moment of a relationship."

I'd suggest that it has more to do with the fear of BEING less than enthralling, and wanting to be the one in the "power" position by initiating the breakup.

Some of the excitement of newness will wear off over time in any relationship. However, in a *mature* relationship that initial infatuation phase segues into a place of trust, of comfort, and of the kind of emotional growth that thoroughly evades the short-term serial monogamist. If the lust is hampered, it is generally a manifestation of some dysfunction which can and should be addressed, rather than run from in what ultimately becomes a never-ending search for the kind of gratification that is best achieved with a trusted mate.

I suspect that in Andrew's case, a phenomenon has occurred that is similar to what one experiences when they purchase a new (at least to them) automobile: it seems like there are far more of the particular model on the road than there had been prior to the purchase. One whose romantic experiences have been either stunted, aborted, or were otherwise unsatisfying is likely to perceive such dysfunction as being the rule, rather than the exception. It's no different than the cult member whom, surrounded by examples of groupthink, fails to perceive the illogic in the group's collective agenda, and clamors for ever more rationalization to keep the groupthink valid in his or her mind. All in all, a futile and sad enterprise.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011 11:27:00 AM  
Blogger Kathryn Price said...

"True love should have no price tag. Either it's free, or it doesn't exist."

Andrew, of course you have a right to promote your version of love, or of lust + trust as the way to fulfillment, but I don't see how it is possible to claim that if love isn't "free" it doesn't exist. It doesn't have to be at one of two poles--either it's "free" or it's absolute hellish, servitude and doesn't actually exist. If it is one's choice to enter into a committed relationship, then it is a "free" choice and love does exist in such commitments.

As Ron has eloquently stated:

"However, in a *mature* relationship that initial infatuation phase segues into a place of trust, of comfort, and of the kind of emotional growth that thoroughly evades the short-term serial monogamist...the kind of gratification that is best achieved with a trusted mate."

He mentioned emotional growth as one of the possibilities in a "mature" love, as well as comfort and trust, which I believe do make possible a kind of gratification not achievable in a relationship poised to take flight at the first sign of difficulty, or of "work."

Trading in partners every year or two is not going to be a process without difficulty or work, either. You say true love should not have a price tag. Can you honestly say that "free" love has no price tag? (Speaking on a purely pragmatic level, that's a lot of moving in and moving out, unless you each stay in your respective living spaces.) After several unrenewed leases, you'd start to know that the newest object of your love + trust will be the one whose ass you'll be watching--not lustfully but contemptuously--walk out the door because once again they've become old to you, or you to them.

And where is the joy in that? There's something to being with someone who knows your stories, someone with whom you've created a whole set of stories together. "Remember the time we...?" is part of that. It's even fun. If that seems too prosaic, well, as Connie said, "Moo!" Count me in.

Actually, my partner was never more attractive to me the weekend when we both had terrible viruses, although mine was worse. He brought me a steamer, some Vicks Vapo-Rub, throat lozenges, Kleenex, and we spent the whole weekend lying side by side in mutual misery. Too bad I was too sick to follow through on my attraction to him that weekend, but fortunately our lease wasn't up, so there would be other chances.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011 4:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Quote from another on-line statement by Chiropractor Crisp:

"Find out how selfishness is the one thing that could bring you what you’re really looking for."

Monday, April 18, 2011 3:13:00 PM  
Anonymous Jonathan said...

Well she sounds like a delightful person, doesn't she?

I just recently read an article about how most of the "experts" that have appeared on Oprah over the years ended up having their lives self destruct in various ways after they were out of the public eye. Wish I had saved the link.

Thursday, April 21, 2011 3:04:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Jonathan: Here's one link: http://jezebel.com/#!5766506/oprahs-long-history-of-sketchy-experts-and-endorsements

Anon April 18: Dr. Crisp statement duly noted. Jeez, how typical.

Everyone else: I really haven't abandoned my Whirled! I'll try to at least get a snippets post up in the next day or so. Meanwhile, as always, I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to comment here.

Thursday, April 21, 2011 6:24:00 PM  
Blogger RevRon's Rants said...

Late to the party, but...

"...being human in this life matters to me more than some theoretical past or future life."

IMO, dwelling (or even focus) upon that hypothetical past or future is a distraction from our sole duty in this life: to live it and live it well. Fulfilling that duty leaves nothing undone, while shirking that duty - even in the pursuit of some "spiritual" distraction - is a waste of the time we do have.

Friday, April 22, 2011 11:23:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Amen, Ron.

Friday, April 22, 2011 12:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Connie just finished reading most of the comments about access consciousness, Thank you for some insight as you said it it difficult to find much on it except the rave reviews. I had the feeling that it was not as it seemed, I try to trust my feelings as much as possible so again thanks. I did not read your history on new age healing etc. I did however want to add this I have been studying the energy fields of the Chakras for 45 years. My experience says healers/guides/teachers etc have a small part in the overall healing of an individual on any level. The healing has to come from the desire to change habitual behaviors that cause harm to themselves and others. I do not believe there is a quick fix anywhere except by Divine Intervention which is rare. A spiritual guide can help one understand why changes need to happen - but the client has to want to do the difficult work in letting that behavior go. I am so tired of the get rich/healed quick scams out there preying on the vulnerable and weak. There is more then we currently can "see" But all good honest healers know that any healing comes from God or the source or what ever one wants to call it. The virtues of hope, faith, trust, patience, service, love, sacrifice, forgiveness, staying in reality, etc are still the only way to heal. Not all healers are whack jobs that prey on the weak sucking energy out of them (does seem to be a lot these days tho) Thanks for letting me comment Lorie

Saturday, July 28, 2012 8:41:00 PM  

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