Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Thursday, July 12, 2007


So, are y’all still in a Hawai’ian mood? The Rev and I sure are. I thought I’d take a day off from blogging after those long and serious posts on Monday and Tuesday, but I’m back now. And while I was dividing my time between lolling around in the pool and engaging in various private email discussions about matters of consequence, intrepid blogger Walter Terry was still hard at work on his eye-opening series about the disastrous marketing of the iCAP Release Meter. And guess what? Walter, like so many others today, has turned Hawai’ian himself. Read all about it on this post.

And then read Part 4 here. This is very interesting stuff, folks.

Meanwhile, continuing with Hawaii Week on Whirled Musings, here are a few more tidbits for the pupu platter

Hidden messages in the four magic phrases
In my previous post I shared the exciting news of my introduction to the magical mystical ancient Hawai’ian healing system,
Boto’o’popopopo. Towards the end of that very lengthy post (yes, Walter, I know I am sometimes a bit long-winded :-)), I mentioned four powerful phrases used by practitioners of Boto’o’popopopo: "Thank you." "I am sorry." "Please forgive me." "I love you."

What a beautifully interconnected world we inhabit. Several other ancient Hawai’ian healing systems use those very same phrases. As you know from reading my previous two posts (also very long), practitioners of a modern form of a path called Ho’oponopono use these phrases as well for "cleaning."

And then there are devotees of Yoko’ono’onono, which combines ancient Hawai’ian wisdom with primal screaming. Yoko’ono’onono followers are also very fond of using those four mystical phrases, but they generally "sing" them, believing that words are most powerful if they are "sung" rather than spoken. A unique vocal style is employed; experts have likened it to the sound of a cat being eviscerated.

So anyway, I thought these four phrases were innocuous enough, until my friend Blair Warren got me to thinking. He said he had been suspicious of these sayings from the beginning. Referring to one of the major New-Wage masters, he wrote:

Remember the four magic phrases he has been using since he started gearing up for his big Ho'oponopono promotion?

"Thank you." "I am sorry." "Please forgive me." "I love you."

I mean, what is he thanking us for? What is he sorry for? What is he asking for forgiveness for? And how can he "love" people he has never even met? Could these just be empty phrases or is there something more substantive behind them? I think I know the answer.

With help from my Ass-ended Master Ralph and a few sleepless nights, I have been able to crack the code and discover the full translation of these phrases. Here is what I discovered:

Thank you (for giving me money).
I am sorry (but it wasn't enough).
Please forgive me (because I want more).
I love you (for being so gullible).

Now I can see why he likes this method so much.

Remember, the Universe likes greed.

All I can say is thank you, Blair, and thank you, Ralph.

I’m just wild about Kahuna Harry
If Boto’o’popopopo, Ho'oponopono, or Yoko’ono’onono haven’t healed what needs healing, maybe
Lomilomi will. Lomilomi is an ancient Hawai’ian technique that includes massage. Now, that sounds like my kind of ancient Hawai’ian technique. You may have seen Barbra Streisand practicing it on a hapless Robert DeNiro in Meet The Fockers. Well, that wasn’t the half of it.

Recently I got an announcement of a new book about Lomilomi, Wise Secrets of Aloha: Learn and Live the Sacred Art of Lomilomi, by Kahuna Harry Uhane Jim with Garnette Arledge. Here's what the publisher's web site said about Garnette Arledge:

Beloved author Garnette Arledge had an intuitive flash when she first met Kahuna Harry that she would work with him on a book. She had to ask him three times before the Halau Guardians said the time was right. She resides in Woodstock, NY.

Here’s a link to the story of how Garnette met up with Kahuna Harry, who is the last Kahuna of Lomilomi lineage. So now you know.

Leave your fat behind
Are you fat? Would you like to go to Hawai’i to lose some of that lard? An Avatar master named
Angela Treat Lyon, along with a really cool guy who goes by the name of Souldancer, run these one-week Hawai’ian retreats to help you do just that. The retreats combine yoga, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), and "cleansing," though maybe not the type you do with those four magic phrases we discussed above. And it’s all in a beautiful tropical location on the Big Island of Hawai’i. The next retreat is in October.

Here’s a video.

And here’s a link to more info.

Well, it’s time for me to go to dinner with the Rev and our out-of-town guest. So go pour yourself another one of those fruity drinks, or smoke a Hula Girl cigar, and I'll catch up with you again tomorrow. Aloha, y’all!

PS ~ I guess I should clarify something, since I’ve gotten a couple of private emails: My June 27 piece, "Mahalo, Dr. Yew," is satire. Dr. Yew does not exist except on this blog.



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