Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Kevin Trudeau released to custody of his parents

BREAKING NEWS
Chicago (WM WireNet) April 1, 2014 -- Infomercial pitchman Kevin Trudeau, who was convicted of criminal contempt last November for repeatedly defying court orders regarding infomercials for a diet book, and was sentenced last month to ten years in a federal prison, was released Tuesday to the custody of his parents, Robert and Mary Trudeau of Lynn, Massachusetts, for an indefinite period. Judge Ronald Guzman signed the order releasing the pitchman to the elder Trudeaus' custody until the courts make the final decision about the prison in which he will be serving his sentence. "It's the compassionate thing to do," said Guzman, "since after all, his parents are getting on in years and are in very poor health."

When asked if Trudeau was considered a flight risk, Thomas Kirsch, one of Trudeau's attorneys, responded, "Mr. Trudeau has indicated that he will indeed be flying to Massachusetts, where he will be staying with his parents and helping them put their affairs in order. As for the question of being a risk, this trip is no more risky than any airline travel. There is always some risk of course, but flying remains one of the safest forms of transportation. No, we don't see any particular risk."

Trudeau was also given back his passports so he can travel to his luxury apartment in Zurich, Switzerland "to pick up a few things" that might look nice in his elderly parents' Massachusetts bungalow, which according to a recent report by noted inferior decorator Augusta Wend, is "sadly lacking in faux-finishes, puffy gold couches, and pretentious reproductions of Renaissance art."

Once back in the US, Trudeau will surrender to the custody of his parents, where he will be placed under house arrest at night and will not be allowed to travel outside of North America during the day, except on weekends.

April Fools! Real updates coming soon. I'm kind of busy today.


Meanwhile here is a real court document, filed on March 31, 2014..
Kevin is begging the court to let him go see his aging parents one last time before he begins serving his sentence. This motion will be presented before Judge Guzman on Thursday, April 3, 2014.

UPDATE 3 April 2014:
Who was it who said, "You can't go home again?" Judge Ronald Guzman, that's who. MOTION DENIED. And that's no April Fools joke.

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5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

WHAT A CROCK OF BULLSHIT

Tuesday, April 01, 2014 2:59:00 PM  
Blogger CZBZ said...

My eyes were popping out of my head and my teeth were clenched and then I read this:

"flying remains one of the safest forms of transportation"

hahaha...oh dear...LOL!!

Tuesday, April 01, 2014 3:52:00 PM  
Anonymous Nick said...

Totally got me on that one Connie... By the way, I fell asleep last night with the TV on, i woke up to him pitching his free money book on TV. What's up with that... not a surprise, it is Kevin Trudeau after all.

Wednesday, April 02, 2014 9:46:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok is this an April fools story?

~Anon

Wednesday, April 02, 2014 11:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haa haaa. That was funny, and I'm only 3 days late. Oh well, it got me at first. KT must really be jealous because, well, I guess he just didn't have the right billionaire friends.

I thought this article was a joke, too, but apparently not.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/04/02/justice/delaware-du-pont-rape-case/index.html?hpt=hp_t4

DuPont heir rapes a kid and is spared the cage because family said "he wouldn't fair well in there." Hey KT, next time call DuPont for help!

Tuesday Anon, Chill, dude. It was a joke.

Thursday, April 03, 2014 2:22:00 AM  

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