Whirled Musings

Across the Universe with Cosmic Connie, aka Connie L. Schmidt...or maybe just through the dung-filled streets and murky swamps of pop culture -- more specifically, the New-Age/New-Wage crowd, pop spirituality & religion, pop psychology, self(ish)-help, business babble, media silliness, & related (or occasionally unrelated) matters of consequence. Hope you're wearing boots. (By the way, the "Cosmic" bit in my moniker is IRONIC.)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Jump thing to snark about

Just a few snippets for a busy Tuesday (or Wednesday, if you're in Another Part of the World)...

Cosmic Connie a Facebook Friend repellant?
I feel so bad, Dear Ones. My wonderful partner Ron, of
RevRon's Rants, just lost a Friend on Facebook because of Yours Truly. He and his ex-Friend had known each other for years and years, and had previously exchanged friendly comments on Facebook, and all was well. But then the Friend attended the "final" (more on that in a moment) Zero Lemmings 3 event in Austin this past weekend to hear Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale and Dr. Hew Len reveal new Ho'oponopono cleaning secrets. Today Ms. Friend wrote an update on her Facebook page providing a link to Joe's blog post about the event.

And Ron, ever the helpful one, responded by offering a link to another perspective on the Zero Limits stuff. This link, as you'll see if you follow it, just so happens to be a page displaying all of the posts on my blog in which "Zero Limits" is mentioned. Among those posts are my two-part review of Joe's book, Zero Limits (here's the link to Part 1), and a piece telling the amazing story of my own miraculous experience with ancient Hawai'ian healing secrets.

Less than a half hour later, Ron saw that he had been removed from the ZL attendee's "Friends" list on Facebook.

Needless to say, he is devastated. (No, not really. I am being sarcastic again.)

Ron's ex-Friend was apparently in good company over the weekend, or at least a lot of company. According to Joe, hundreds of folks attended this "final" ZL event (at a thousand bucks a head). I'm thinking it was probably more like just a couple hundred, but hey, "hundreds" is still technically correct, and it sounds much better than "a couple of hundred." And Goddess only knows how many "absentee" attendees paid a hundred bucks a pop for an aloha-yagya* – the privilege of having their name put on a piece of paper and "cleaned on" by Joe, Dr. Hew Len, and the attendees.

Anyway, apparently there have been some exciting developments and discoveries in the Ho'oponopono field. For example, did you know that of those four magic Ho'opo phrases – "Thank you," "I love you," "I'm sorry," and "Please forgive me" – only the first two are actually necessary for cleaning and clearing? That's good news for those of you who are in a time crunch, as well as those who are sick of apologizing to the Divine. You still have to grovel a bit, but at least you don't have to apologize. On his blog post recapping the ZL3 event, Joe wrote:

Dr. Hew Len himself could be heard saying just the two phrases “I love you” and “Thank you.” Say the others if you like, or not. Follow your inspiration.

I guess love really does mean never having to say you're sorry!

But the really exciting development to come from ZL3 is a new cleaning/clearing technique using the classic retro toy Etch A Sketch® as your tool. And you don't even have to have a real Etch A Sketch®; you just think about having one and shaking it down to nothing. That's the whole idea with Ho'oponopono; you shake yourself down to "zero," which is the state where nothing exists and everything is possible. As Joe wrote:

Consider: What would you be if the etch-a-sketch in your mind got shaken right now and you went to zero?

Just don't empty your mind so much that you can't go to expensive workshops, or shop for new miracle products (especially those that involve automatically charging your credit card every month), okay? Since Joe is now officially using Etch A Sketch® as his own personal cleaning tool ("Shake it and I'm clear," he enthuses), I wonder how long it will be before he starts selling a specially Ho'opo-blessed/infused/cleaned Etch A Sketch® for accelerated Ho'oponopono cleaning/clearing (possibly a pocket or business-card-sized card Etch A Sketch®), or at least a DVD utilizing Etch A Sketch® imagery to aid in cleaning/clearing. I imagine he would run into a few copyright problems unless he came to an agreement with the Ohio Art Company. He really ought to consider it, though, because the lemmings would just eat it up. (And he ought to consider that Bobblehead idea too.)**

Notwithstanding all the hype about ZL3 being the "final chapter" of the Joe-and-Dr.-Len Ho'oponopony show, I wouldn't count on that, judging from these recent Tweets:

Dr Hew Len and I are talking about a second volume to our book Zero Limits.

Final day of final Zero Limits and no one wants this to end or be last event.

But here's the biggest hint of all that Joe and Dr. Len have more in store for the Zero Lemmings:

Dr Hew Len just said "If anyone would put God first they'd make a lot of money." Lovin it.

"Lovin it"...hmmm. That sort of puts me in mind of McDonalds commercials, which I suppose is entirely appropriate for McSpirituality.

Amazingly, the Zero Limits love spilled over onto Joe's hummingbird feeder.

4 hummingbirds drank in peace from same bottle this morning. A first. They usually fight. Zero Limits 3 spilled over. They are loving now.

Actually, hummingbirds always fight over feeders, and, judging from what I've observed, they generally stop fighting so much when they finally get a clue that there's enough nectar to go around, especially if you hang up more than one feeder. But hey, who am I to argue with miracles?

I feel just terrible, though, about Ron losing his Facebook Friend because of me. Maybe I should clean on it. But I'm not going to say, "I'm sorry."

And speaking of lemmings...
A friend of mine sent me this old article on The Secret, book version, written by a book store clerk. While The Secret is old news by now, some things are timeless. (And as a former book store clerk myself, I can assure you that this clerk's attitude towards "lemming books" and their buyers is...shall we say...not atypical.)

And speaking of jumping...
Well, we weren't really speaking of jumping, but all that lemming imagery kind of brought it to mind. (I suspect that some of you will want to point out that
real lemmings really don't commit mass suicide, but that belief does have a basis in truth – enough of a basis to work as an overused metaphor, for sure!)

Anyhow, I was recently Googling around and came across a marvelous new technique called Quantum Jumping: The Inter-dimensional Quest For A Better You. Quantum Jumping was discovered by a guy named Burt Goldman, who calls himself The American Monk. For over three decades, Brother Burt has been forced to keep this secret, but he can keep it no longer.

So just what is Quantum Jumping? Friend, I'm glad you asked.

"Quantum Jumping," writes Burt, "is the process of 'jumping' into parallel dimensions, and gaining skills, knowledge, wisdom and inspiration from alternate versions of yourself."

Interested? Then jump right over here.

And now I'm jumping outta here, and back into work mode.

* Re aloha-yagya: That's not what it's really called; I coined the term. It seems appropriate.
** No, no, you don't have to thank me, Joe. Generous royalties will be sufficient.

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17 Comments:

Anonymous hhH said...

I wish he'd call himself either Hugh Len or Len Hew. Annoying.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 3:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ho'oponopono should be called Ha'oponopono. It's a great big hahahahaha to me!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 4:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I fanicied a quick quantum jump so signed up for Burt's free course.

Twenty minutes and a loooong salesletter later I was being offered a onetime only platinum course for just $127, a forced continuity membership of the 'Finer Minds' site (the finer ones being the less prominent Secretion teachers and T Harv Ecker) and everything my heart could desire. But no quantum jump.

The jumping is into 'alpha'--presumably the brain wave state-- where you can meet a plumber to get advice on leaky taps, decide to clean and decorate houses to make a killing on the runaway success story of real estate and take up feng shui, rearranging your furniture to turn your life around.

Quantum cleaning, quantum wishful thinking but still no quantum jump.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 6:30:00 PM  
Anonymous unforgiving nut said...

LOL that is so funny, Lemmings. I couldn't think of a more fitting analogy for the secret than that.

What continues to bring me great amusement is the people(and yes I am talking about those in it) feel a strange need to post profound messages like their is some sort of GLORY in it for themselves.

I just wonder how many dollars it really makes them.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 7:32:00 PM  
Blogger RevRon's Rants said...

In the spirit of full disclosure, I can't call the woman who rejected me a "friend" in the classic sense. Our first meeting, many years (and for her, several last names) ago, was when she had just assumed the position of volunteers coordinator at the Unity Church where I was a volunteer, heading up the singles ministry, among other things. She asked me what my vision for the singles was, to which I replied that, "It's about time we got started with some good, old-fashioned naked pagan devil worship."

Her jaw dropped, and she got the cutest deer-in-the-headlights stare on her face. Guess she hadn't been warned about the possibility that she might encounter anyone with a sense of humor. We managed to work together until she left the position a short time later to embark upon a more lucrative career. Guess I should have taken her departure then as something of a portent of things to come. It was inevitable, even then, that she would gravitate toward the Vitale school of hustledorkery, and have little use for anyone who didn't hold significant promise of increasing her cash flow. I don't know if I didn't see it coming, or just didn't care. Probably a generous helping of both. The latter still pretty much applies.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 8:18:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

hhH said...

"I wish he'd call himself either Hugh Len or Len Hew. Annoying."

Actually "Hew" is pronounced like "Hoo." As in, "Hew are you? Hew, hew? Hew, hew?"

He's gone by other names in his long career too, but I think he's pretty much sticking with Dr. Hew Len or Dr. Len now.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 10:21:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Anon 4:07 PM: LOL. And a big Alohahahahahahaha to you! :-)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 10:22:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Anon 6:30 PM: No quantum jump? No interdimensional you's to help you become the best you can be in this dimension? I am truly shocked and disappointed.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 10:24:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Unforgiving nut, the New-Wage gurus are all about "profound" messages, or at least messages that *seem* profound to those who are desperately seeking profundity. From the looks of it, some of the gurus are making some pretty big bucks. Much of their income, of course, derives from selling the idea that everyone can be as rich and famous as they. Enough people believe it to keep the scam going (and to give me something to blog about).

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 10:31:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Ron, judging from your ex-"Friend's" recent behavior on Facebook, it sounds as if all of that Ho'oponononononononono and hustledorkery have not helped her develop her sense of humor.

OTOH, maybe she was merely revolted way back then at the visual of some of those perpetual singles being involved in naked rituals of any type. If you know what I mean.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 10:35:00 AM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

By the way, the legend of Dr. Len and the nutters is alive and well in yet another Ho'kum-related product that Joe V is currently pushing:
http://www.bodyandsoulmentor.net/amazingjoe.html

"Imagine a lockdown ward for the violently, criminally insane. Now imagine a Hawaiian shaman sitting in an office at the mental hospital and healing everyone on the ward without even talking with them. The Shaman employs the ancient spiritual method of reconciliation and blessing known as Ho’oponopono in his Hawaiian heritage..."

And so on.

The author of this amazing work, which is called, "Amazingly Content," says of Ho'opo:

"Some say this is the easiest way to do spiritual work. Why? Because you don’t have to know what you’re healing, how it works, or even believe that it works. You just follow a very simple and easy strategy and all is made right, automatically.

"Sound goods, right?

"If it can work with the criminally insane, your loved ones and co-workers will be a snap. Right?"

Uh...yeah. Right.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 12:38:00 PM  
Anonymous HhH said...

So it's Hew like poo?

VW 'sesses', an onomatopoeic first.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 3:35:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

Or "onomato-poo-ic"

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 4:04:00 PM  
Anonymous HHh said...

Or ho'opopopoponomatopoeic.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 4:12:00 PM  
Anonymous HHh said...

I used to have an etch-a-sketch. Now all I have is a scratch-a-crotch.

Saturday, April 25, 2009 3:25:00 PM  
Blogger Cosmic Connie said...

HHh said...

"I used to have an etch-a-sketch. Now all I have is a scratch-a-crotch."

Well, you can use that as a powerful cleaning tool. Just shake it down to Zero.

Saturday, April 25, 2009 3:53:00 PM  
Anonymous J Embers said...

That picture is priceless. It reminds me of the movie the secret all those wannabes now drowning in their own gullability. What is even more interesting is that the so called teachers are being pounded in their own crap because it seems that crap is all they have to offer.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009 1:54:00 AM  

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