Secret snarks and "healing" art

I know I’ve been remiss in my blogging duties of late, but believe me, it’s not for lack of interest or a dearth of material. I have a growing backlog of half-finished posts about hot topics in the New-Wage world. Work trumps all of that, though, and the Rev and I are racing some pretty crazy deadlines these days. But I thought I’d steal a few moments to share a couple of tidbits.

Not that this will make any difference to Rhonda’s bottom line, but…
…at least it’s comforting to know that more and more writers are joining the neverending battle to restore sanity to a Secret-crazed world. Chris Locke, the raconteur behind the Mystic Bourgeoisie blog, sent me a link to yet another offering from Slate. In this one, John Gravois makes a heartfelt plea to Queen Oprah to withdraw her endorsement of The Secret. As you probably know, she has already sort of backpedaled from her previous wholehearted endorsement, but Gravois says she needs to finish the job and come clean about how stupid – and potentially destructive – the ideas in The Secret really are. Here’s the link.

I also got a nice email from Scott Pape, aka The Barefoot Investor, sharing a link to an article he wrote on The Secret and its only Aussie "star" (besides Rhonda Byrne), David Schirmer. The piece appeared in the Herald Sun, Australia’s biggest daily. Scott even quoted me, and he also came to the same conclusion Blair Warren did a few months back, regarding the real law at work in The Secret: the Law Of Extraction. Here’s the link to Scott’s article.

Art imitates crap
It has been said that art has the power to heal. At least that’s the idea behind art therapy, which, according to the American Art Therapy Association web site, is "an established mental health profession that uses the creative process of art making to improve and enhance the physical, mental and emotional well-being of individuals of all ages." I’ll buy that. Creating art can be great therapy, even if the art itself isn’t all that great. I'm living proof; every time I make one of my silly composite graphics to illustrate a blog post, using my rudimentary PhotoShop® skills, I feel ever so much better than I did before I sat down at the computer.

Well, it turns out that merely looking at art has the power to heal too. And there’s a guy in St. Pete, Florida named Bill Austin who will sell you a piece of art containing "very advanced coding" for everything that could possibly ail you. It appears that Bill was guided to create these pieces by highly evolved beings. He calls his works healing holograms, and says they are advanced tools for… well, let me let him tell you:

After I was working with images for several months, I got that I should begin bringing in some advanced mastery tool images for healers, teachers and light workers to assist them to get their world service work out into the world in an impeccable and pristine way. Each of the images contains very advanced coding to assist people in the areas that are the title for each picture. When you order one of these images, you should print it off and look at it several times a day for at least three weeks and by that time, you will have upgraded your consciousness with the energies encoded into each picture. Each picture is calibrated to integrate with ease and grace for each person that looks at it. However, since you receive an upgrade each time you look at these images, the more time you spend with them - the more you will receive.

Each digital image and all of the scans are set up energetically in such a way that the energy is maintained pristinely so that each image holds the same energy signature, frequency and intensity as the original painting. I also adjusted each image energetically so that they can be framed or laminated without losing any energy. I asked that the paintings be scan friendly and I am quite pleased with how the scans came out. Basically what I am doing is selling 8.5" by 11" digital pdf images. At this time there are three sets of images in this grouping of Advanced Mastery Tools...

Bill’s images go for $30-$75 each. Pictured above is the Financial Sovereignty Transmuter Shield, which will transmute you into a financial sovereign or something. And pictured here to the left is the Mastery Tool that will activate your DNA and RNA. Since the pic is really itty-bitty, it will probably only activate your DNA and RNA a little bit, if at all. You will more than likely need to purchase the image from Bill to get any noticeable activation.

DNA is a really big deal in the New-Wage world these days, as I may have mentioned here before. If you don’t believe me, just Google "DNA activation". People who are, from all appearances, barely smart enough to even spell "DNA" correctly, to say nothing of actually knowing what it is, are hawking products and services to help you activate, reprogram,* deprogram, or raise the frequency of your own DNA in order to keep up with the accelerating vibes of our planet. Bill, too, offers a series of Crystalline Light Body Attunements; he has several packages ranging from $200.00 to $600.00. Apparently he does his attuning remotely; he doesn’t even have to be on the same planet as you (and apparently isn’t, from what I can tell). The most powerful – and expensive – attunement is something Bill calls the VOID Light Body DNA Activation, Clearing and Attunement:

This is the most powerful light body and dna activation that I offer. This VOID DNA activation session includes a clearing of anything and everything that would adversely impact your ability to activate and integrate the Void light body and the accompanying attunements. After the clearing is done, the activation of the VOID Light Body will take place and over 300,000 strands of your DNA will be activated assuming that you are ready for this activation to occur. The number of attunements that you will receive will be determined by your spiritual evolution.

Please note that this activation is not for everyone. People need to have obtained a high level of mastery in order to receive the full benefits from this activation. Please go within and ask if you are ready for this activation BEFORE you order it.

The cost of this DNA Activation is $600 and I will try to transmit it to you within four business days after I receive your order. Prerequisite: Crystalline Ultra-Violet Light Body Clearing, Activation and Attunements. I do ask clients to please wait at least one month after the crystalline ultra-violet light body activation before ordering this one to allow time for integration.

And the DNA series is just one of many "attunements" Bill can do. Not everything he offers costs money, however. Conscious of the fact that many spiritually evolved people are still poor as church mice and/or sick as dogs despite watching The Secret 700 times a week, Bill has decided to share some of his wisdom without charge. For example, he currently has 35 free MP3 recordings that will help heal everything from HIV/AIDS to cancer to obesity to anger to "Aging, Greying, Balding, and PMS." Yep, the latter four conditions are covered in one MP3. I would think that anyone who has all four of those problems – or any of the others on Bill’s lengthy list – would need more than an MP3 and/or a crappy painting, but what do I know? I’m not the healer.

Bill offers the standard disclaimer that all alt-healers do these days, but he goes one step further:

Please note that our energy healing sessions are not intended to be medical or psychiatric treatment and/or a replacement for such treatment. All healing that occurs in any session comes from your soul and Spirit. I merely facilitate this process and set a space for the healing to occur.

By ordering an energy healing session for yourself, you are giving me permission to work with your soul. Each time I transmit energies to your soul, many healing frequencies are transmitted in addition to the ones that you request. It is up to your soul to choose which energies it wishes to implement at any given moment.

In other words, if you don’t notice any difference in your life after spending hundreds of dollars for Bill’s digital images and "energy transmissions" and other stuff, it’s because your soul has decided it’s not ready to accelerate or raise its frequencies or whatever. There’s no word on whether or not Bill will give you and your soul a refund in that case, but I’m thinking probably not.

I gotta find me a scam…

But meanwhile, back to the world of honest work.

PS (Sunday, May 20) ~ I just got another email from Bill Austin (via my favorite New-Wage spam service), and here's more good news: He has a new line of Fabulous Healing Products for under $15, incorporating his digital art images. Here, in Bill's own words, are descriptions of a few of these products:

• A sticker to heal and clear water. Most of our bodies are comprised of water and this image helps to upgrade the water aspect of the body as well as to heal and clear less-than-love energies and vibrations from the water we drink.
• A baby bib that is encoded with a lot of healing energies for children. As most parents realize the children being born on the planet now are very evolved and the energies encoded into the image on the bib help provide energetic support and protection for these children.
• A Money Blessing Tile that you can place your wallet, purse, currency, checkbook, invoices, coins, etc. on to clear any less-than-love energies around your money. Also clears financial curse energies and bad luck.
• A drug blessing tile to clear less-than-love energies from any prescription, non-prescription or recreational drugs.

No doubt about it, New-Wage capitalists are nothing if not creative and enterprising. (I especially love the idea of a drug-clearing tile; it should do wonders for the tweakers and crackheads who wander the streets of our cities...)

* Regarding the link on the word "reprogram": Avail yourself of Amazon's "Search inside the book" feature; type DNA into the search field and go to the entry on page 126 (and then continue to page 127). The relevant part on page 126 begins under the subhead "The script." But while you're there, you might as well read the bit about the yagya in the section above.

Loose cannons in the New-Wage wars

The problem with Internet affiliate programs is that you just can’t monitor every little thing your affiliates write and do. Or maybe you can, and probably you should, but most Netrepreneurs don’t seem to be doing it. That's a mistake because, let’s face it, in the credibility wars, affiliates can be loose cannons. Take the iCAP Release Meter, which I blogged about at some length last February and again in April. The iCAP people claim to have an effective product based on scientific research. Yet they seem to have put the bulk of their marketing in the hands of overly-enthusiastic affiliates who go on and on and on about the iCAP release meter as if it is the magical key to making all of your dreams and fantasies come true – as well as being the missing link that will make The Secret and the Law Of Attraction really, really work for you. That kind of stuff may move product – at least until the public finally gets fed up with The Secret – but ultimately it’s not going to do much for the credibility of the company, the product or the research.*

Another person who might want to take note of the "affiliate problem" is hustledork extraordinaire Christopher Howard, the mastermind behind Billionaire Bootcamp® and other New-Wage programs for manic success-geeks. Chris doesn’t seem to be selling a "scientific" product per se, but, like so many other New-Wage mercenaries these days, he has co-opted a few ideas from scientific disciplines in an effort to teach folks how to be, do and have anything they desire in life. The point is, when you're trying to get people to give you hundreds or even thousands of dollars, credibility is a fairly important thing, whether you’re bastardizing borrowing from science or not. And I would think that one of the keys to credibility in a written ad is to come across as being reasonably literate in the language in which you're writing.**

To tell the truth, I’d never heard of Chris Howard until I received an email today via my favorite New-Wage spam service. At first I honestly thought the ad was from Chris himself, and my first thought was, "Either this is a bad translation, or Chris Howard is severely English-impaired."

For example:

Friend, Do you know someone who is highly advanced spiritually yet who yearns to do earth better, thirsting to make a profound difference, who longs to bring that beautiful awakening more fully through their core into their body, splashing it through their finances and their light-work, to vividly contribute excellence on an even grander level? If so, then this could be the most important letter you ever read! If the secret law of attraction is the BMW of your life, then Breakthrough to Success is the step by step systematic manual showing you how to drive it to give your greatest gifts to the world! Imagine yourself as if you were driving down a freeway in your mind effortlessly sucking in all this streaming information.

And then there was this:

Imagine the light of your soul shining full-out. What would it feel like to gloriously breakthrough and contribute to thousands on a grander scale? What would it be like having new realms of extraordinary, concrete, far-reaching practical workability in your business, your family, or your light-workers calling, your projects, or your health? What would that look, taste, feel like? Every particle of your cellular structure doing cartwheels of discovery with millions of others, re-remembering while in this world, cascading ripples of delightful, workable results in beautiful circles. What is it YOU want?

Naturally, references to science and technology were worked into the copy a few times. The writer described Chris’ teachings as "proprietary quantum methods actualized & proven by successful people of all time… Bring to mind a GPS system where you enter your location and desired destination, expertly accessing a proven map of success to finally reveal the closely guarded secrets, (up until now) of breakthrough success for vibrant aliveness in personal and professional accomplishment."

Ah, yes… the "closely guarded (up until now, that is) secret!

Upon reading a little bit further, I discerned that the email did not actually come from Chris Howard but from an affiliate who identifies himself as Catalyst For Change. Catalyst is promoting Chris’ Breakthrough To Success & Wealth ™ Weekend in two cities on two different weekends. The first one, in San Jose, California, ended yesterday, though I just received the email today. But the next one is in Seattle, Washington August 17-19. Catalyst is offering me a "Gift of 3 Heartwarming Complimentary Tickets to this Weekend, worth $895.67 each." He assures me, "This gift has enormous value beyond anything comprehensible."

Apparently Catalyst recently attended a Chris Howard event and was so pumped as a result that he decided to become an affiliate. And why wouldn’t he be pumped, given that a Chris Howard workshop is a clear example of the Law Of Attraction in action?

Being in the presence of someone who 'gets it' holds a distinct energy signature, a high-frequency resonance that another's resonance can rise to match. Just by being in their presence a portal of possibility opens up, it becomes available to everyone else. Do you remember high school chemistry, where everything, whether solid, gas, or liquid, is vibrating energy? The law of attraction says energies that are similar magnetize others that are like them.

Look forward to an accelerated depth of work happening multi-dimensionally on many levels as you consciously grasp the riviting [sic] practicalness [sic] of this science and simultaneously access the subtle energetic levels unseen but not unknown. Each moment dancing with laughter masquerading as learning and penetrating deeper and deeper, cell by cell and atom by atom to a greater heart opening bringing more light into the world for universal benefit.

Chris Howard himself appears to be "effortlessly sucking" (as Catalyst might put it) everything he can from The Secret, by virtue of associating with some of its "stars." If the pics on his web site are any indication, he is buddy-buddy with Secret talking-heads Bob Proctor and Michael Beckwith. He also pals around with Mark Victor Hansen, the co-perp of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series – the guy who was so rude to Steve Salerno a while back. Furthermore, The Secret logo currently appears on Chris’ web site, big as you please. Since the image is a live link to The Secret web site, I am assuming that Chris has permission from TS Productions, LLC to use the logo. If not, Rhonda’s intellectual property lawyers will almost certainly be after him.

In all fairness, I should add that a disclaimer appears in smaller type at the bottom of Catalyst’s page, stating that information on his site is not monitored by the Christopher Howard companies. I’m just saying maybe they should do a little monitoring.

In the same disclaimer, Catalyst absolves his own company of any liability for "any direct or indirect consequential aspects from the use of the information provided." Whenever I see these disclaimers I always wonder if that means the promoter also refuses to take credit for any of the good things that might occur as a result of using the information provided.

Curiously enough, Catalyst also offers an iron-clad guarantee:

Your satisfaction is assured through our no risk, no hassles, no questions-asked, return your material, iron-clad guarantee.

I wonder how you return a complimentary ticket if you go to the workshop and you think it sucks? Is Catalyst able to pull some strings with the time-space continuum and give you your wasted weekend back?***

But hey, the tickets are free. And they're given away on a first-come, first-served basis; when they’re gone, they’re gone. So maybe you and I should take advantage of these complimentary tickets. Chris Howard just might change our lives. After all, in the words of our friend Catalyst:

Now if I could tell you that you could create a powerful long-lasting breakthrough between your light-worker heart, your huge calling and business, your dreams and your life, relationships or finances and achieve what you really want from the depths of your core being, if I could talk in a way that you could really hear that there is highly advanced cutting-edge workability, that there truly is something here that supports your innate remembering in a resounding melody you won't hear anywhere else, and if it sounds good to support your inner magnificence then we could begin discussing how to harmoniously move forward to reserve your place at this popular upcoming Breakthrough to Success ^™ seminar, would that sound good to you?

Tell you what: you go to the workshop, I’ll stay home, and you can just write and tell me about it.

And y’know, now that I think about it, maybe the Internet hustledorks should forget about monitoring their affiliates’ material. If they reined in people like Catalyst, they'd be depriving me of a major source of entertainment. So, guys… carry on!

PS – I will get to "Losing my religion, Part 2" – a follow-up to Part 1 – eventually. I promise. Although I have to say that Part 1 apparently inspired wrath in one reader, who sent me an utterly unprintable comment.
PPS – If you can stand reading one more funny article about The Secret, here’s a delightful one by Emily Yoffe on Slate.

* Note that I am not claiming the iCAP Release Meter is in fact effective or that it is based on real science; I'm really not qualified to say one way or the other. I'm just telling you what some of the iCAP folks have told me.
** Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to masquerade as some big marketing expert. But I am a former copywriter, as well as a consumer, a pretty fair b.s. detector, and, most of all, a lover of the English language.
*** Actually, Chris Howard offers a refund of the course fee if you decide, before the training is over, that you are not 100% satisfied. Since these workshops are carefully orchestrated so that the vast majority of participants get hopelessly caught up in the enthusiasm while the workshop is actually in progress, it's a pretty sure bet that there aren't too many refunds. If Chris really wanted to give a guarantee that meant something, the refund offer would be good for up to a year after the training ended. After all, isn't an effective workshop supposed to make a real difference in the participant's life, and not just make him or her high and happy for a couple of days? (Ha, ha, just kidding. I know these things are really little more than expensive entertainment.)

If we only had a brain…

I had originally planned to post Losing my religion, Part 2 as a serious follow-up to the (only slightly) satirical Part 1 that I posted the other day. But it was not to be. That post will have to wait. These days I’m not losing my religion; instead I’m constantly losing my train of thought – thanks, as always, to Tony Michalski. A couple of days ago he sent me a link that confirmed what I had suspected when I first found out Time magazine had come out with its special issue on the 100 most influential people shaping our world today.

Yes, Rhonda Byrne, keeper of The Secret, made the cut.

"I'm at a complete loss," Tony wrote. "Somewhere, there's an engineer or a doctor doing something understated but ultimately MASSIVELY beneficial to humanity, [who] won’t be mentioned. Ever. Anywhere. And then this."

I feel your pain, Tony, for it is mine too, and it is America’s as well. Or at least the thinking part of America. It’s not that Time is exactly endorsing Rhonda or The Secret. After all, they did run a critical piece about The Secret last December. Time is simply recognizing Rhonda and her franchise as a huge influence on contemporary pop culture, if not on the actual progress of the human race.

Yet the very fact that Ronda made the top 100 says a lot about the general intelligence level of our culture.

And Time did manage to recruit a Rhonda-friendly writer to pen the profile, Chicken Soup For The Soul co-perpetrator Jack Canfield, who, of course, was featured in The Secret. Waxing poetic about Rhonda’s constant state of bliss and childlike wonder (without even mentioning the possibility that her attitude might have been due to the prescription antidepressants finally kicking in*), Canfield goes on to say:

I am often asked why The Secret has been such a phenomenon—more than 2 million DVDs sold in a year and almost 4 million books in less than six months. It is primarily because Byrne’s love and joy permeate every frame and every page.

Yep, Rhonda’s advising people who want to lose weight to refuse to look at or have anything to do with fat people…or her claim that African genocide victims, Holocaust victims and the like are responsible for their woes…that’s love and joy, all right. You tell ’em, Jack! Then again, I guess it wouldn’t have been appropriate to have someone like Jeffrey Ressner write the piece.

Of course, all is not bliss and wonder for Rhonda these days. Not only was there that short-lived Tilak affair, which could have turned into a huge embarrassment, and not only is she fielding all sorts of criticism about her infomercial and book, but now she is also having to swat away all of those annoying little insects that are buzzing around her, trying to suck some profit from The Secret. Some of the wannabes are now feeling the wrath of Rhonda’s intellectual property attorneys. I guess you could say she is sending her winged monkeys out over the Internet...

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think for a moment that Rhonda shouldn’t protect her creative endeavors. And I for one am pretty annoyed by all of the major hustledorks, as well as the hundreds upon hundreds of minor ones, who are exploiting the hell out of Rhonda’s brainchild, and constantly sending me emails to let me in on their scams. At the very least, they should have a disclaimer on their sites that explicitly states they are not part of Rhonda’s organization. Many of the hucksters do have this disclaimer. But Warrior Boy doesn’t, plus he was using the Secret logo on his site without permission, so the attorneys are rattling their sabers now.

And if anyone ever thought that The Secret was all about spreading love and joy, and lifting up humanity – and that profits and greed were secondary – they only have to listen to Esther Hicks, who is using her imaginary pal(s) Abraham to vent about Rhonda and her greed. (And I thought I was passive-aggressive...) Not that Esther and Jerry weren’t within their rights to protect their intellectual property – though I have to say that in this case, the word "intellectual" is strictly a legal description and nothing more. Anyway, there’s a thread about this topic now on The Secret official discussion forum (thanks again to Mr. T. for bringing it to my attention).

Do play the video clip. And then remind yourself that the people in Esther/Abe’s audience are all adults – presumably competent, functioning adults, people with jobs and children and grandchildren, people who are allowed to roam loose in our streets.

And they really seem to believe that the phony accent Esther is spouting comes from a group of disembodied wise beings. Furthermore, they more than likely paid real money for the privilege of sitting in a room and hearing her spout.

By comparison, the Scarecrow is beginning to look brainier and brainier all the time.

* Hey, I’m just speculating. She did have sort of a breakdown not so very long before she discovered The Secret...and I'm just saying: Never underestimate the power of pharmaceuticals.

Losing my religion (Part 1 of 2)

There’s just no end to the wacko imaginative religious and spiritual paths that people are following these days. Take a look at this article I found in a New-Wage/metaphysical magazine about a relatively obscure alternative religion that, after more than forty years, is finally coming into its own.
~CC

ACKANKAR^®: BEYOND THE LIGHT & SOUND
By Letta Spray

The modern form of Ackankar^® was brought to a waiting world in the mid-60’s by a shy and gentle Southerner named Paul Twaddel. Twaddel had been raised as a fundamentalist Baptist but had always been somewhat of a quiet rebel. A long time student of world religions, Twaddel was intrigued by the notion that none of the existing religious traditions really provided a direct pathway to God. They all gave tantalizing glimpses of the Truth, but not the whole picture. And not one of them seemed to capture the true essence of Spirit.

Twaddel lived by his senses and sought a religion that would support him in this. "‘In the beginning was the Word’...and ‘let there be Light’...and so on, and so on," Twaddel wrote in his memoirs. "That’s what we were given in the Judaeo-Christian tradition, and other religions are full of similar images. Analyzing these traditions, I came to the conclusion that for all practical purposes they seemed to be focused mainly on light and sound. Not one of them touched on the smell or taste of God. That seemed to me to be a pretty significant gap.’"

It was a gap that Twaddel was destined to fill. After serving in the Navy in World War II, Twaddel moved to Las Vegas. It was there that he first began to get the nightly visitations from a being who identified himself as the Ascended Tibetan Master Reelbizar Starzs. Starzs wore a tattered maroon robe and smelled faintly of pastrami and stale cigar smoke. Through a series of dialogues with Starzs that lasted for many months, Twaddel became schooled in the principles of the ancient but long-suppressed spiritual path known as Ackankar. Finally, by decree of Starzs and a group of exalted spiritual masters known as the Nine Reticent Ones, he received the High Initiation in a profoundly secret ceremony that took place on the Seventh Spiritual Plane. With this Initiation Paul Twaddel became the first Living ACK Master of modern times, and was given the spiritual name Peddar Ast.

A prolific writer, Twaddel authored many books and treatises on the principles of Ackankar. His status as a spiritual leader grew as he gained a reputation for being able to perform all sorts of feats generally believed to be impossible: miracle healings, bi-location, tri-location, controlling the weather, and, most importantly, soul-food travel, a technique whereby he sent his astral body out to various local southern-cuisine bistros for huge plates of chitlins and greens and fatback. (Subsequent Living ACK Masters have also possessed miraculous powers.) Twaddel was the subject of a best-selling book, In My Soul I Am Me, by Brad Tiger, another prolific author whose brain was later stolen and reconfigured by extraterrestrials. Twaddel soon had a respectable number of followers, mostly young people who were disillusioned with traditional religions. Today there are over five million Ackists worldwide, and the number continues to grow.

But just what is Ackankar? Like most incredibly simple yet eternally profound truths, Ackankar is difficult to explain in a few sentences, and misconceptions abound. And the terminology can be confusing: in the beginning, Ackankar was billed as "not a religion, but a way of life"; today, however, it is a religion. Who knows what it might be tomorrow or next year? "It all depends on the revelations our marketing department receives from a group of very wise but disembodied spiritual advisors known as the Vagary Masters," explains Sri Herman Klump, the present Living ACK Master. "For now, calling Ackankar a religion seems to work for us. It sets us apart from all those other paths that are calling themselves ‘a way of life’ these days. Plus, it got us tax-exempt, which freed up our resources to help spread our message."

While many people think of Ackankar as "the throwing-up religion," in reality it is not just about throwing up in the literal sense. Ackankar is the outward expression of the ACK, which in turn is the Universal Expression of Divinity. "The Big Bang was really a big ACK," explains Sri Herman. "And all of life throughout the Universe is one continuous ACK. Ackankar is simply the path by which we reach the source of the ACK."

What does this have to do with the smell and taste of God? Plenty, as it turns out. Twaddel was a big believer in sensual indulgence, for indeed, how else could one know the true essence of God, the smell and taste of the Divine, without use of one’s senses? According to Twaddel, the holiest means of indulging the senses, other than physical union with attractive ACK Initiates, was through food. And Twaddel ate plenty of food. He encouraged his followers to do likewise. It helped that the Ackankar home office was located in Las Vegas in those early days. Ackankar conferences were held at various hotels around the city, and the extravagant buffets were always the chief attraction. Extreme overeating was always encouraged, as was the inevitable and immediate result of same. (There was only one rule: no after-dinner cup of coffee, for caffeine was believed to stunt one’s spiritual growth.)

Early on, Ackists became known for public vomiting en masse. It was probably because of this that Ackankar gained an undeserved reputation for decadence. "Those who accuse us of being decadent," Twaddel often said, "do not understand the spiritual aspect of what we are doing. We are simply demonstrating a universal spiritual principle: what goes down must come up."

Even today food, and lots of it, plays a very important part in ACK gatherings of all sizes. And while it is true that throwing up in the literal sense does have a role in Ackankar, it is only in the context of a spiritual rite; equally significant is the chant that follows the mass regurgitation: a prolonged "PU" (pronounced as the "pu" in "puny"). "Life is a holy process of assimilation and release," Twaddel always said. And indeed, there is nothing more representative of this holy process than a mass ACK, and no more eloquent expression of the smell of the Divine than the sound of several hundred voices softly chanting PUUUUUU.

Paul Twaddel chose to transcend this plane of existence in the early 1970s, during the annual World Wide of ACK Conference. At the time of his transcendence he was in his hotel suite, giving an Initiation to a female Ackist. Apparently he completed the Initiation before he transcended, because the female Initiate came out of the room with a radiant smile on her face. Very soon after, the Nine Reticent Ones appointed Sri Derwood Goose the new Living ACK Master. Not only did Derwood inherit Twaddel’s title, he got his widow Gayle in the bargain. "I just got in the habit of marrying Living ACK Masters," Gayle explained. "I like a guy who can cause tornadoes to visit the homes of people who piss me off." A jazz musician from the midwest, Derwood was also the author of several books and numerous articles, though he never had Twaddel’s gift for language. His writing was described by some critics as the literary equivalent of a beached whale. It was true that he spoke most eloquently through his music. At any rate, Derwood was a warm and very popular Master and was particularly fond of female Initiates.

At some point in the 1980s, the Nine Reticent Ones decided that perhaps he was a bit too fond of his female followers, and they decided he was doing some other things that were not in the best interest of Ackankar, so Derwood was de-Mastered and fellow midwesterner Herman Klump was appointed to take his place. Klump was chosen for several reasons, not the least of which was the First Sacred Tradition of Ackankar: The Living ACK Master must have an extraordinarily dweeby name. (Klump’s spiritual name, Wah-Zoo, elevates this tradition to art.)

As Ackankar’s numbers and members continue to swell, it becomes more and more apparent that this is the wave of the future in spirito-sensual paths. "We call it a religion," says Sri Herman, or Hermji as his fond followers call him, "but it is much more than that. Besides getting people in touch with the taste and smell of the Divine, Ackankar provides a workable model of the Universe, a means of dividing all of creation into spiritual planes with names that sound even dweebier than the Living ACK Masters’ names." He adds, "To tell the truth, most people entering Ackankar are bewildered by all the names and terms. We’ve been accused of practicing buffet religion, that is, taking elements of Buddhism, Hinduism and a bunch of other traditions, piling them on our plate and claiming them as our own. Nothing could be further from the truth. Ackankar is the oldest religion in the world. Those other guys stole from us. Although I must admit that the buffet metaphor is an extraordinarily appealing one."

As the Living ACK Master, Hermji’s responsibilities are many. He travels most of the year, speaking at various regional ACK conferences as well as the national and international gatherings. Hermji is more than willing to answer questions about Ackankar, and his answers are always as forthright as they are concise. When asked, for example, why the Living ACK Master is always male, he answers very simply, "Because that’s the way it is." When pressed to elaborate, he says without hesitation, "Because the Nine Reticent Ones say so. Well, they don’t actually say it; after all, they don’t talk, but their hand gestures make it very clear...the Living ACK Master has gotta be a guy."

Is there any message about Ackankar that Hermji would like the world to know? "I suppose the main thing we want to express," he says, "is that we’re not just a bunch of overweight, wild-eyed misfits who sit around eating Ding-Dongs® and Twinkies®. Some of us prefer Little Debbie Products. But whatever our personal preferences, we’re all searching for basically the same things: a decent meal, the big ACK...and, frankly, a great bonk once in awhile doesn’t hurt either. Basically I think we should all try to live Paul Twaddel’s core philosophy. Paul always said, ‘Take time to stop, get down on your knees and smell the roses. And as long as you’re down there, why not scarf down a few petals? The pink ones taste the best.’"

As they say in Ackankar, "May the blessings be eaten – and ACKed."

Copyright © 1995. 2007 by Connie Louise Schmidt. All Rights Reserved.
from Cosmic Relief: Honoring and Celebrating the Global Paradigm Shaft

……………..

Well, now, Ackankar sure does sound like something that Mr. Creosote would have loved, doesn’t it? But seriously…I wish to apologize to the five or six people who may have previously read the above piece in my BLP (book-like-product) Cosmic Relief. There is a point to my using this recycled material, though. As is everything else in Cosmic Relief, this one was based on reality (well, in a manner of speaking), and in this case, it is "reality" with which I have some firsthand experience. More about that in Part 2.

When thoughts become silly threads

I was all set to publish a blog post I’d just about completed. Then my faithful friend Tony Michalski sent me a couple of links to some recent threads on the official discussion forum of The Secret. Well, that threw me off schedule a bit, blogging-wise. "Darn you, Tony!" I e-mailed to him.

And he e’d back, "No use darning me, you keep me in stitches as it is!"

Damn. I wish I’d thought of that one. Anyway…

Looking at Tony’s emails, I was particularly taken by a thread titled, "Manifesting unicorns." A guy named Leo started the ball rolling by mentioning that according to The Secret video, "Thoughts become things." Here’s what Leo wanted to know:

What's the difference between manifesting 10 billion dollars and 10 thousand dollars?

Why do we settle for $10,000 when the universe, according to the secret video, doesn't make a distinction between how huge or tiny a wish that we make?

How about going to the extreme and wish for a unicorn?

Joe Vitale mentioned that it has to be something we can believe in.

However what we can believe in is probably what is already do-able in the physical plane.

For instance, a 40 year-old can never be 20 again. We can't genuinely believe in its happening.

If LOA only works on do-able things, so what's the difference between LOA and working out a plan to achieve what we wanted?

Just curious, how about a mentally ill person who genuinely believes and wishes for a unicorn? Well he believed it, and wished for it. Will his wish be granted?

To me that raises an even more fascinating question: Just what sort of unicorn would a mentally ill person manifest? So I did a little research and found out; see the pic to the left.

Anyway, Leo's question led to a brilliant discussion that surely must rival some of those legendary debates of old, regarding how many angels can stand on the point of a needle (no, the argument apparently never was about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin). Naturally, a few folks brought up Abraham’s opinion about such matters – not the Biblical Abraham, of course, but Esther and Jerry Hicks’ imaginary buds. One person pointed out that Abraham said something to the effect that when we agree to incarnate in this plane of existence, we also agree to abide by its physical laws. Others seemed to think that was too limiting. At one point a bubbly soul named Sandy wrote:

Unicorns.. fairies.. they exist energetically as do many other beautiful beings! :) And the manifesting is instant, because there is no space in between asking and connecting with them :)

Well, that should settle that.

This unicorn thread hit me for a couple of reasons, beyond its sheer absurdity. To begin with, I used to like unicorns and fairies and such myself…when I was a kid, that is. I suppose I could access my inner Little Connie (as I was recently advised to do), and see if she still fancies those things. But I’m afraid she’d kick the crap out of me.

At any rate, the main reason this thread hit me was that it somehow reminded me of a recent op-ed piece by author and New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman. The topic was, "China needs an Einstein, and U.S. could use one, too." Friedman had been reading Walter Isaacson’s new biography of Albert Einstein, and it dawned on him that the book had a lot to say about the relationship between freedom and creativity – and, by extension, about China and the US.

Though China isn’t mentioned in the book, Friedman points out that Isaacson’s recounting of Einstein’s career is relevant to a couple of ongoing debates about China. One question is this: Can China become as innovative as America – can it truly become the force to be reckoned with in the twenty-first century, as so many have predicted – when it insists on censoring Google and maintaining tight political controls while establishing its market economy?

Einstein was a rebel all of his life, as Isaacson pointed out in a recent interview, and he fled Hitler’s Germany to come to America, where he resisted both Stalinism and McCarthyism. His major theories, Isaacson noted, "come from taking rebellious imaginative leaps that throw out old conventional wisdom." The implication is that a repressive cultural and political climate such as China’s could never have nurtured an Einstein.

On the other hand, Chinese students consistently outperform American students in math and science. China’s education system may not be set up to nurture a creative, rebellious genius such as Einstein, but it is apparently structured to produce a population of scientifically and mathematically literate students. China, in other words, is doing some things right. By comparison to their Chinese counterparts (and those from other countries as well), American students are still pretty abysmal in math and science. The fault, it could be argued, lies in large part with the way these subjects are taught in the US.

Granted, China’s rigorous education system is arguably a product of a repressive culture, and what works there might not necessarily work in our relatively free society. Even so, US schools could and should encourage interest in science and math. And they could do it, perhaps, by teaching these subjects in a more creative way.

As Friedman puts it, "[Einstein] found sheer beauty and creative joy in science and equations. If only we could convey that in the way we teach science and math, maybe we could nurture another Einstein – male or female – and not have to worry that so many engineers and scientists in our graduate schools are from China that the classes could be taught in Chinese."

Isaacson agrees, saying, "We have to remind our kids that a math equation or a scientific formula is just a brush stroke that the good Lord uses to paint one of the wonders of nature," Isaacson said, "and we should look at it as being as beautiful as art or literature or music."

Now, Isaacson may or may not have a handle on Einstein’s views of God, but his point is well taken nonetheless. Besides, my atheist friends tell me that it is not necessary to believe in God in order to appreciate the beauty and order in math equations. I’ll just have to take that on faith, since I am so mathematically ignorant that all I can see when I look at a math equation is a jumbled bunch of numbers. In fact that TV show Numb3rs makes me want to run out of the room screaming. Not only do I find the characters and dialogue annoying (I liked Rob Morrow way better as a whiny Jewish doc who’d been exiled to Alaska), but the math stuff is way above my head, even with the cool graphics and effects. Still, even I can intellectually grasp that math and physics can be things of beauty, and that if they were taught differently in our schools – maybe even using shows like Numb3rs – they could be as fascinating as fairies and unicorns.

I am particularly interested in Einstein these days not so much because of that new bio, but because he is one of the dead geniuses extracted from the pages of history by Rhonda Byrne and plunked into The Secret. Supposedly our pal Al was one of those who were privy to the Law Of Attraction, along with Jesus and Plato and Mother Theresa and other famous dead people. But darn those buggers; they kept LOA from the rest of us until Rhonda dug it up and repackaged it for the world. (There was an amusing discussion about this on Blair Warren’s blog not too long ago.) One of the major criticisms of The Secret is that it portrays LOA as a scientific law akin to the law of gravity; proponents say that LOA is backed by quantum physics. And as you probably know, quantum physics is a real big thing in New-Wage circles, as evidenced by the success of The Secret, Ramtha infomercial What The Bleep Do We Know?!?, and authors such as Gregg Braden and Bruce Lipton.

And that, to me, only reinforces Friedman and Isaacson’s points about the need for a new approach to science and math education in the US. The way I see it, we in the US have two choices in this matter.

We can insist that our schools revamp math and science ed – beginning at the elementary-school level – in a way that ensures that real science and math (as opposed to the mostly imaginary, magical-thinking "science" being touted by New-Wage hustlers) actually has a chance of being understood and embraced by students.

Or we can throw up our hands in exasperation as Asia continues to produce brilliant scientists and mathematicians, and Americans continue to make Rhonda Byrne and JZ Knight obscenely rich, as we look to The Secret and What The Bleep for our "science" information, and we spend our days engaging in scintillating discussions about manifesting unicorns.

The choice is ours.

PS – Though I’m no fan of The Secret, I understand its appeal. What I cannot understand is why huckster extraordinaire Kevin Trudeau’s latest scam, The Weight Loss Cure They Don’t Want You To Know About is doing so well. It was number 3 in its category on the New York Times Bestseller list as of last week, and number 23 on Amazon as I write this. Well, okay… there’s the "weight loss" theme – a perennially popular one, to be sure – and there’s the "forbidden secrets" appeal. BUT HAVEN’T THE PEOPLE WHO ARE BUYING THIS BOOK READ ANYTHING ABOUT TRUDEAU?!? Don’t they know what a fraud this guy is? Don’t they know they shouldn’t trust him as far as they can throw one of his books? If nothing else, why don't they read the Amazon reader reviews, and the discussion forums at the bottom of the Amazon page, before they buy?

PPS – Now that I’m done ranting, I want to remind you: Don’t forget to vote in my MystiCouple contest if you haven’t already. Or even if you have.

Couples therapy

April 27 is a very special day for me. Not only was it my late paternal grandparents’ wedding anniversary, but it is also my AA "birthday," or "clean day," as some call it (though I should note that I haven’t been to an AA meeting in years)…and it so happens to be the nine-month anniversary of Whirled Musings. Yep, WM entered the blogosphere on July 27, 2006, and has been whirling around madly ever since. So I am going to celebrate this very special day by blogging, thinking about my grandparents, and then going out and getting plastered. Ha, ha, not really. I’m going to celebrate today by doing something a little different: holding a New-Wage popularity vote. And what you’re going to be voting on, if you so choose, is your favorite Mystical Couple, or MystiCouple.

I think you know the kind of couple I’m talking about. If you don’t, click on the links below and you’ll quickly get up to speed. I was guided to sponsor this vote by a group of disembodied beings known collectively as Abr… no, wait…I was inspired to sponsor this vote because lately I’ve been getting spam emails from several of the hardest working MystiCouples in the New-Wage world. These are couples who are truly making a difference in the lives of others by unburdening them of bothersome things such as money. I think it’s a beautiful thing when two people can strengthen their union and help make the world a better place by scamming spreading their wisdom to others.

Voting in this contest is very simple; just send a comment naming your favorite MystiCouple. Pick from the couples listed below, or if you wish, write-ins are acceptable as well. And by all means, feel free to elaborate on the reasons for your choice. (Do take the time to follow the links to the videos, music clips, etc. so you can truly get a feel for the work of these MystiCouples.)

But do yourself a favor, and try NOT to imagine these couples having sex.*

Allrighty then… Vote early, vote often, and have fun!

Sri and Kira: from Atlantis to New Mexico 
You’ve met this happy couple here before. "Wisdom Teacher" Sri Ram Kaa and "Angelic Oracle" Kira Raa actually have been called "The Mystical Couple Of Our Time" by the Albuquerque Journal. (But that doesn’t mean they’re the only MystiCouple, or even the best one, so don’t let that influence your vote.) Together they run The Temple Of Self-Ascension (TOSA), kind of a combination education center and ranch that comes complete with free-range aging hippies and a few llamas (or perhaps they are actually Ascended Masters who have chosen to assume the llama form for this Earthly incarnation).

Kira is the Myssus of this couple, and she’s been dubbed the Angelic Oracle because apparently she went into convulsions one day and started channeling messages from the Archangel Zadkiel. I’ve learned all sorts of fascinating things from Kira and Sri. For instance, did you know that The Lost Continent of Atlantis apparently had Internet access? Kira and Sri originally got together on Atlantis, yet on a recent video they said they met on the Internet. Wow. You just can’t find information like this anywhere else.

Sri and Kira hold lots of gatherings, celebrations and whatnot on their TOSA digs in New Mexico. A fairly recent event of note was the consecration of an 18-foot "Merkabah of Self-Ascension" in September of 2006.

Here’s a video that will give you a good overview of what this MystiCouple is all about. Prepare to be deeply touched.

RA-Ja and Moi-RA Dove: keepers of the Temple of Knowledge 
You might call them the Harold and Maude of the New Wage, if you can imagine Harold not as a gawky young man but as an aging hippie who did WAY too much LSD a few decades ago. The Mysster in this couple – RA-Ja "Merk" Dove – is no spring chicken by any means, but I would imagine that the Myssus – octogenarian Moi-RA "Lady Of The Sun" Dove – has him beat by a few years.I blogged about this odd couple a few months back. Collectively known as the StarDoves, Moi-RA, left, and RA-Ja, right, spend their days accessing beings from other dementias… er… make that dimensions… to help bring about a new era for humankind. They travel the US of A in a Winnebago, spreading enlightenment wherever they go and doing the New-Wage equivalent of shopping mall openings, e.g., presiding over stargate openings and the like.
This MystiCouple consider themselves the "Ground Crew Instructors" for their Aquarian Temple of Knowledge, which, they explain, "is overseen by a Host of Goodly Extra Terrestrial Savants and Ascended Masters from other planets and dimensions." They offer two courses: "One especially for Star People and the other on Healing."

They also provide numerous services, of which they say the most popular and longest-enduring is "the bestowal of the Star Name." For a price ranging from $77.00 to $100.00, depending upon whether the service is performed by snail-mail or email, telephone, or in person, the StarDoves will "place your soul essence beneath our Cheops pyramid and use Aquarian Star Gematria to render your star name from your star soul. The Akashic Record is consulted. Tremendous empowerment accompanies your new star name!"

Here is a video of Mysster Dove, decked out in full Pharaoh regalia, speaking at a stargate opening in Florida. Joy to the world!

Gabriel of Urantia (née Sedona) and Niann Emerson Chase: much misunderstood

Here’s a couple who has been fighting negative press for years, and yet their New-Wage organization, The Global Community Communications Alliance, seems to be stronger than ever. The artist formerly known as Gabriel of Sedona, who now calls himself Gabriel of Urantia, lives with his common-law wife Niann and countless minions on their compound, The Aquarian Concepts Community, in magical mystical Sedona, Arizona. Through their Global Community Communications Alliance they provide a broad range of services, from education to counseling to guided tourism to real estate sales. Most of all they humbly exist to be of service to humanity. Gabriel, the Mysster in this couple, has been quoted as saying, "Everything I do is justified. I am the mandated ruler of the world."**

And Gabriel is much more than a savior of humankind and ruler of the world; he is also a musician of some note*** who has invented a brand new genre he calls CosmoPop. It’s not just New Age music; though it does bring to mind Chris Locke’s comment on same, CosmoPop is ever so much more. As lead vocalist in a band called Gabriel of Urantia and his Bright and Morning Star Band, Gabe sounds somewhat like I imagine Neil Young would if Young were totally incapable of carrying a tune and had been kicked in the balls and then run over by a Mack truck. He (Gabe, that is, not Neil) is backed by some decent musicians, as well as a couple of shiny happy NAGs (New Age Gals) – Dawn to his Tony Orlando – with radiant faces but slightly sour voices. Or maybe it’s just my sound card. Anyway, you definitely owe it to yourself to preview Gabriel of Urantia and his Bright and Morning Star Band. Treat yourself to each and every one of the song clips; in particular, do not miss "Wake Up America."

And then take a look at this video clip, in which the Mysster and Myssus defend themselves and their organization against their detractors.

Jerry and Esther Hicks: the secrets behind The Secret
On first glance, it might seem that Jerry and Esther, the George and Gracie of the New-Wage world, don’t really belong here. To begin with, unlike most of the folks mentioned above, they don’t look as if they haven’t bought a new wardrobe or hairdo since 1969. They’re actually pretty ordinary looking. And if you count their imaginary buds The Abe Gang, they add up to more than a couple. But since we normally can’t see The Abes, I maintain that Jerry and Esther qualify as a MystiCouple. And who really cares if they don't look like refugees from the original Woodstock? It's the message that counts.

You’ve run into J & E before on this blog, as well as all over the Internet, since they were a big inspiration to Rhonda Byrne before she got too greedy and dumped them from The Secret franchise. Which, of course, is no big loss to them; they’re still raking in the dough. And like the StarDoves, they’re traveling around the US of A in their big RV, spreading the wisdom of the ages. They also sponsor sea cruises to all sorts of nifty places. To hear some samples of Jerry, Esther and The Abes’ wisdom, click here.

* * * * *

Well, there you have it: four of the hardest-working, most creative MystiCouples in the business today. I’m sorry I couldn’t include arguably the greatest MystiCouple of all: Reverend Ron and Cosmic Connie, but, as you know, that would be a conflict of interest. And it just wouldn’t be fair to the other MystiCouples listed here.

Now start voting!

* I guess I’ve pretty much ruined YOUR weekend, haven’t I? Sorry.
** One of Gabriel of Urantia's followers has told me that in eleven years of knowing the man, he has never heard Gabriel say or imply anything remotely on the order that he, Gabriel, is the mandated ruler or that everything he does is justified. I don't know; I am only quoting this article (also linked to above) that was written by numerous ex-members of Gabriel's community.
*** A sour note, that is.

Tuesday sight-bites

Crazy deadlines loom in the world of my "real" work, so this is going to be another one of those "bits and pieces" posts.

Hawkins squawkin’
Recently I received a private email asking me if I am familiar with psychiatrist, mystic and applied kinesiology advocate Dr. David Hawkins. My correspondent was kind enough to send me several links, including a link to comments by Skepdic Online author Robert Todd Caroll. I replied that I had only a passing familiarity with the good Dr. Hawkins, having mentioned his Hawkins Frequency Scale in passing on one of my blog posts last November. The real subject of my November post was Extreme Lightworker Bryan James, whom I have blogged about many times before and no doubt will again…in the very next paragraph, I predict.

Among many other services and products he offers, Bryan James helps people raise their vibrational level for "ascension." Regarding Dr.Hawkins, Bryan has this to say on his Circle of Lights web site:

Dr. Hawkins developed a Scale of Consciousness based on a logarithmic scale of 1 to 1000. He claimed that all ideas, thoughts, literature, etc., vibrate at some level. Energies above 200 are considered positive, and those below 200 are rated as negative. A level of 1000 is considered the number required for ascension.

If you follow the above link to my November blog post, you’ll be amazed at the ultra-high frequencies (far beyond 1,000) achieved by some enlightened souls – most notably Bryan’s own kids, who are, it goes without saying, Indigo children.

On his April 23 Guruphiliac post, Jody Radzik paid homage to Dr. Hawkins in the way that only he can. Or, more accurately, he allowed one of his readers to pay homage, and that reader did a fine job. As it turns out, it was the same person who had written to me, and who has also written about Hawkins on Rick Ross’ Cult Education Forum. I was particularly interested to read about the source of Dr. Hawkins’ Ph.D., which seems to be the foundation of his work:

I can see why some people might believe Dr. Hawkins’ claims; after all, Dr. Hawkins has an M.D. and a Ph.D. But, while he is a psychiatrist, his Ph.D. is from the unaccredited diploma mill Columbia Pacific University, a fact not noted in his books or on his website. This degree is the basis of his work.

Columbia Pacific University happens to be the same diploma mill where Dr. John Gray, "Ph.D." got his doctorate. Alas, CPU was shut down by the California Department of Consumer Affairs. As our reader noted, however, you’re probably not going to see much about that on Dr. Hawkins’ promo material.

But y’know, these days, it really doesn’t matter if your degree is real or not. You put those letters after your name, and voila! Instant credibility. I really gotta buy me a fake Ph.D.

Hell is rapidly emptying
Speaking of Bryan James, I recently received another email from him regarding the progress of the Nether Worlds Reclamation Project, his mission to rescue 50 million lost souls from Hell. With the assistance of the Queen of Heaven, a few assorted gods and goddesses, an Ascended Master or two, and thousands of volunteer lightworkers, Bryan is roundin’ ’em up and sendin’ ’em home. Here are the latest numbers (as of April 17, 2007):

100% have shown some movement
100% have opened their eyes
100% are walking around (63% without assistance)
93% are asking questions (e.g., "Who am I?" or "Where am I?")
47% are regaining cognitive ability and attending schools
572,593 have been taken home to start a new beginning

If you’ve been following the progress reports here, you know that Hell is emptying at an increasingly rapid pace. Why, as of April 4, only 202,000 folks had "gone home." And now look at the numbers. For information on how you too can go to Hell and get involved in this project, just hop on over to my Easter blog post.

This place is a magnet
And speaking of numbers (do you see how all of these snippets are cleverly connected to each other?), some time over this past weekend, my "hit list" passed the 10,000 mark. The start date – the date I activated my free hit counter – was February 22, and I have it set to log only "original hits." So, okay, I’m not getting hundreds of thousands of new hits a day, but at least a few people are making their way over here. I appreciate all of y’all – new and repeat visitors alike. I hope you’ll keep coming back.

Public service
Oh, and speaking of Jody and his Guruphiliac blog, I received a "thank you" email from someone who, apparently as a result of reading some of the posts on my blog, jumped to Jody’s and found some pretty revealing information about Sri Lanka guru (and former Rhonda Byrne consort) Tilak. "I just popped over to Guruphiliac and learned a bunch about Tilak," the person wrote to me. "I wanted to thank you for pointing me in the right direction. I was definitely on the wrong road with this guy. So thanks."

It’s good to know that occasionally this blog can provide more than cheap laughs – not that cheap laughs are anything to sneeze at!

Calling all "Abundant Members"
And while we're on the subject of cheap laughs, my friend Tony Michalski alerted me the other day to a brief thread on Marcy From Maui’s Powerful Intentions Forum. The topic was, "What is an abundant member?"

I responded to Tony (though in retropect it would have been more fun to respond on the actual forum):

I know the answer! An abundant member is an appendage that is belonging to man who wants to make his Woman holler and beg for more and so has responded to most urgent email composed by Person from India who know very little English but know how to Sell a pill that will enable Man to grow Monster Member to make his woman holler!

Read the first footnote in this post for real sample of such spam (although in this case it is a product to make a man *last* longer, not *grow* longer).

But, as I discovered when I actually took the time to follow the link to the thread, an Abundant Member on the PI forum is something altogether different.

I thought it was good for a cheap laugh anyway.

And now… I hate to blog and run, but the Rev and I have books to write, edit, and design. Oh, yeah, and I gotta pick up my copy of Night At The Museum, which just came out on DVD in the US today. Not only am I a diehard Ben Stiller fan, but when I was a kid, my favorite school field trips were to the local natural history museum, where I used to be drawn to the dioramas, fantasizing about what it would be like to enter those worlds-within-worlds, and have all those cave men and extinct animals and whatnot come alive and take me back in time. And believe me, there are days when I would still like to disappear into a diorama. But for now, I’m going to disappear into my other life. And for many reasons – but mostly because my other life includes The Rev – that’s not a bad thing at all.

PS on Tuesday evening: No sooner had I posted the latest numbers on Bryan James' Nether Worlds Reclamation Project than I received yet another email from him. Apparently the Nether Worlds Reclamation people have been very busy since April 17. Here are the latest numbers (as of April 21):

100% have shown some movement
100% have opened their eyes
100% are walking around (65% without assistance)
95% are asking questions (e.g., “Who am I?” or “Where am I?”)
50% are regaining cognitive ability and attending schools
629,201 have been taken home to start a new beginning

Bryan also reiterated the mission of his company: "Our goal is to help create a critical mass of higher frequency energy that will raise the planet's vibration and lead all creation into the New Age." That's why he offers the vibe-enhancement services I mentioned above. And just in case you are wondering if they are bogus, here's evidence that they're the real deal – a couple of testimonials from some hot, hungry, excited, crazily vibrating clients:

Hey Bryan! Just wanted to thank you & Kevin [Bryan's Indigo son] for the above Activation!! It was a nice surprise to get a higher frequency than was originally intended!! During the Activation, my hands got quite hot (I AM a Second Degree Reiki). I also felt Love, Peace & Beauty during the session. I also felt a lot of energy, & it was difficult to sit still after the first 15 minutes; ALSO, I got very hungry! It is GREAT to work with my First Template, & I AM excited to be able to manifest more quickly!
- Carole

Dear Bryan, I´m having trouble, because all my bodies are vibrating like crazy, that was the far largest frequency-jump I did yesterday so far. (Sample-comparison for the jump: I started at a size of a single carbon atom, now I am stretching myself far beyond the milky way galaxy). But I know that in 2 or 3 days that feeling is normal. I start on planning and working today with the new tools. That feels very good to use them, I´m quite excited.
All the best, Andreas

As I read those testimonials, particularly that one from Andreas, the lyrics of an old song were running through my mind: "Call Alice.... when she was just small..."

All I can say is, they must have some VERY good drugs in Bryan's part of the Galactic Federation.