The 2009 Scammy Awards: it's not too late to vote!

A few weeks ago I received an email from John Curtis, founder of Americans Against Self-Help Fraud! The purpose of the email was to announce the second annual edition of an awards program that John created last year as an adjunct to his National Guru-Free Week, which is April 1-8. And yes, there is a significance to the fact that Guru-Free Week begins on April Fools Day. (Here's a link to a press release about last year's National Guru-Free Week.)

Being preoccupied with my real work as well as my serious investigative non-journalistic pursuits of other matters of consequence, I let John's email slide, but everything worked out all right anyway. As it happens, he also sent an email to Steve Salerno at SHAMblog, and Steve didn't let it slide. Here's the link to Steve's post about the matter.

At this point the Scammy Awards are still wide open for categories as well as nominees. Some of John's suggestions for categories are:

• Dumbest Thing Said by a self-Help Guru
• Most Hypocritical Self-Help Guru
• Worst Sequel to a Self-Help Book
• Least Likely to be a True Self-Help Premise
• Self-Help Product Most Clearly Done Just for the Cash
• The Deepak Chopra Lifetime Confusion Award
• Biggest Celebrity Sucker (Who Bought and Then Promoted a Load of New Age Crap)
• Biggest Promise That Will Not Be Delivered Upon

You are, of course, welcome to add your own categories and nominees. Steve is now receiving suggestions at SHAMblog, which he will compile and forward to John.

Not surprisingly, I have a few categories to add, which I shared on SHAMblog. I'll recap my nominations here.

To begin with, I think there should be a category for Most Creative/Profitable Use of Imaginary Friends. The obvious front runners would be Esther and Jerry Hicks and their Imaginary-Pals collective, Abraham. Even though they were, for all practical purposes, ousted from The Secret due to Rhonda Byrne's greed, they continue to rake in the really big bucks, holding lavish Abraham-Hicks cruises every year. As Jerry and Esther themselves put it on the web page describing their 2009 Tahiti cruise, "We keep saying this----It just can't get any better than this! (But we know that somehow it will!)."

Another stunning success story in the Imaginary-Friends industry is JZ Knight and her old (literally; he's over 35,000) pal Ramtha. JZ has exclusive rights to Ramtha and even successfully sued someone else who claimed to be channeling him. She has made many millions of dollars convincing people that Ramtha is real, and as many may recall, the two of them were a major part of the hit New-Wage moviemercial, What The Bleep Do We Know? The blurb about Ramtha on the "Scientists" page of the official What The Bleep web site says, "[Ramtha's] partnership with American woman JZ Knight, his channel, still baffles scholars." (No, Bleepers, what baffles scholars is the fact that so many people apparently believe Ramtha is real – a belief that enabled his wily inventor to evolve from trailer park resident to multimillionaire. I GOTTA find me a scam.)

A newer entry in the Imaginary-Friends arena is Vladimir Megre, once a failed Russian entrepreneur who hit the big time after he "discovered" a young, naked but infinitely wise woman in the Siberian woods. He says her name is Anastasia, and he has written a slew of books about her, The Ringing Cedars series. They haven't become as big as The Secret yet, but they seem to be pretty popular, and such luminaries as Chicken Soup co-perp Mark Victor Hansen has praised them (scroll down a bit on the page and you'll see his brief testimonial). Or at least Mark praised Anastasia, saying, "Anastasia wows the soul!" It's entirely possible that he was actually praising the animated movie, and the Ringing Cedars people lifted his testimonial, but knowing the circles Mark runs in, I tend to think not. Anyway, here's a bit more insight into Anastasia and the whole Imaginary-Friends shtick.

The Three Amigos $2,000 Briefcase Scam perpetrated by Bob Proctor, Jack Canfield and Michael Beckwith is worthy of a Scammy in and of itself. For the benefit of those who don't know about the Briefcase Scam, it involved a $1,995 leather briefcase that contained DVDs, CDs, MP3s and a workbook, all centered around Wallace Wattle's classic book, The Science of Getting Rich, but with a whole lotta Proctor thrown in. It was an affiliate program, so for your nearly $2,000 you got the chance to sell overpriced briefcases full of crap to as many other people as you could manage to sucker into the deal, and you'd get a commission. As I just mentioned the other day, though (scroll down to the third item, "Whither the SGR Club"?), the briefcases are no longer selling for $1,995, but are now going for the rock-bottom price of just under $300. When they're gone, they're gone! Be sure to watch those videos if you follow the link, especially the one where Scientist Bob snaps his finger and demands that you take advantage of his briefcase deal NOW, with absolutely no further thought about it – even if you have to borrow the money from your grandmother (here's the YouTube link to that one).

Kevin Trudeau probably deserves his own Lifetime Achievement award too, perhaps as Most Successful Serial Scammer.

There should also be some sort of New-Wage Martyr Award, and I think Trudeau (or True-dough, as he's often known) would be up for that too, since a major part of his marketing shtick is making a big deal out of the fact that the big bad US government has been on his case for years. Poor Kevin; he's only trying to help consumers, and Unca Sam just keeps trying to clip his wings. Another contender for New-Wage Martyr, of course, would be David Schirmer, Aussie Secret star, whose ongoing martyrdom has been documented on my Whirled numerous times, including here, and here, and here, and here. David has been accused of all sorts of financial wrongdoing, including bilking investors out of a great deal of money, but he blames all of his troubles on a vengeful ex-employee/lover, tabloid journalists, Satan, etc. They're all out to get him, poor guy, when all he really wants to do is the Lord's work.

Although I didn't mention this on SHAMblog, there's another potential Scammy category, based on an award I proposed a couple of years ago on this blog: the MystiCouple Award for the best New-Wage mom-and-pop team. Response to my proposal was lackluster (although I did get a lecture about what a judgmental and angry person I am, and I also received some indignant private emails from followers of one of the MystiCouples. I'd tell you which couple, but I don't want yet another spate of angry emails). Anyway, I'm thinking that some sort of Flim-Flamming Couple Award would be a viable category for the Scammy Awards. Once again, our pals Esther and Jerry Hicks are contenders in this category, but there are several other active couples, as mentioned in the post linked to above. (Note: The couple at the very end of the post, one Rev Ron and Cosmic Connie, are there for laughs. We're not competing for a Scammy. Don't waste your valuable vote!)

Now, I realize that the MystiCouple category may be more New-Age/spiritual than strictly self-help, but then again, so is the Imaginary-Friends category. Frankly, the line between self-help and New Age has blurred so much in recent years (which is why I coined the term, "New-Wage" in the first place) that they are all, in my opinion, Scammy contenders. In fact, John Curtis' tentative category list above reflects the common threads of New-Age, self-help and McSpirituality.

Well, I hope this was enough to get you inspired. I invite and encourage you to participate in the Scammy nominations. You can do it at Steve's blog, as mentioned above, or you can submit your suggestions here on my Whirled, and I'll forward them to John Curtis.

And, of course, you can also contact John directly through his site. He does solicit financial support for his ongoing efforts to battle self-help fraud (and yes, I know that some would say "self-help fraud" is a redundancy), but you can participate in the Scammy nominations at no cost.

Let the nominations begin (or continue)!

PS ~ If you want to promote the Scammy Awards on your own blog or other site, feel free to use the image above (note: it's not an "official" creation or logo of John's organization, just my own effort for the cause). If you single-click on the image you'll get the large version, which will be better for downloading.

As the Whirled churns...

It's been way too long since I've blogged, but I wanted to throw out a few meaty snippets before I settle back and relax after a very busy Monday.

Are things looking up for Melbourne's Mini-Madoff?
It appears that "controversial" (his description) Australian Secret star David Schirmer, currently on tour in the good old US of A, has caught a bit of a lucky break. Ben Fordham, the reporter from the Aussie tabloid show A Current Affair (ACA) who has been on Schirmer's case, is now facing legal troubles of his own. These are not related to Ben's numerous stories about Schirmer, but rather to another story he did about a politician who allegedly ordered the contract killing of a male prostitute. In pursuit of this story Ben and another ACA reporter, Andy Byrne, allegedly used a hidden camera and published the resulting footage; they are charged with violation of Australian laws concerning the use of listening devices. The two are also charged with concealing a serious offense (i.e., the alleged ordering of the contract killing). The person who allegedly ordered the killing, a 71-year-old former mayor, has also been charged. The alleged murder for hire did not take place, so arguably the ACA guys saved a man's life. Here's a link to the story.

As you might expect, David Schirmer has publicly commented about this, writing: "...ACA is the most stupid show on TV … as well as totally inaccurate, deceptive and slanderous. Ben Fordham has sought to ruin many good Australians over the years with lies and deception. I don’t wish anyone to go to prison, I do hope though that justice is done to Fordham for the evil he has done to many people." This was a comment to a February 25 piece on the Aussie TV site, "What's On The Tube."

As I noted in a comment to the discussion around my post of 18 February, I do not, and never have, condoned illegal or unethical tactics by journalists. From both a legal and ethical standpoint, the end does not necessarily justify the means. Journalists shouldn't play police detective; that's a sure way to get into trouble. And yes, I am and always have been aware that A Current Affair is concerned more about ratings than anything else. Frankly, this is also the case with many of the more "legitimate" news outlets, including those in the US – but tabloid shows are notoriously less concerned than the more mainstream outlets with journalistic ethics, and more interested in sensationalism. But this doesn't mean that they never hit upon the truth; I think they do. Still, you have to consider the source; this is tabloid TV, after all.

Even so, I don't believe that ACA just made up everything about David Schirmer out of whole cloth; where there's smoke there's fire, and all that. (Furthermore, I have never believed that the evidence for Schirmer's misdeeds is based solely on the information in the ACA exposes.) Moreover, this latest turn of events is not proof, or even very good evidence, that Schirmer is innocent of any of the accusations against him. Ben Fordham's troubles, however, do seem to give Schirmer a little boost in his campaign to convince the world of his own innocence. This is what I think we might call one of those "unintended consequences." Even if Ben, in his relentless pursuit of stories, was motivated by something higher than his own self-interest, and even if he actually intended for his scandal-mongering to do some good for other people, all of that good work could potentially be undone by one foolish act. Too bad.

However, Ben and Andy have said they will vigorously defend themselves, and although as I said I don't condone dodgy journo tactics, I find myself rooting for them, hoping at the very least that they can avoid prison. Matter of fact, I've never advocated prison for the David Schirmers of the world either. I think prison should be reserved for violent criminals who pose a real physical danger to society. I can't speak for the people who were allegedly wronged by Schirmer, but I don't think they're necessarily interested in seeing him go to prison either. Heck, they probably just want their money back. And I'm guessing that a few sincere apologies would be a nice touch too.

But none of this seems likely to happen as David Schirmer prepares to expand his brand in the US, while sweeping all of his problems in Oz under the proverbial rug. There's even speculation that the Schirmers may decide to relocate to America. Meanwhile David is continuing his whirlwind tour of the US. During his stop in Chicago he reportedly "had an awesome meeting with Vic Conant." That would be Vic Conant of Nightingale-Conant, the famous publishers of self-help and motivational audio products from some of the biggest "names" in the biz.

Now, I have no idea whether Vic was as awed by David as David apparently was by Vic, or if Vic was just being the nice polite guy he is reputed to be, and figured that everyone deserves a listen. Nor do I have any idea what the meeting was about, although I have a feeling David was there to pitch his products and perhaps suggest ideas for new ones. I'd be very careful if I were Nightingale-Conant, though. I would make sure that what David Schirmer is offering isn't based on the work of his former joint-venture bud Bob Proctor, a long-time Nightingale-Conant staple. I have a feeling that Proctor's legal team wouldn't be very happy about that, particularly in light of the legal actions Proctor took against Schirmer last year. I may be wrong, but it looks to me as if Schirmer is still actively promoting some material that is based on Proctor's work, e.g., the "Australian Born Rich Program," which Schirmer says is a live seminar based around the book, You Were Born Rich (a Proctor classic). In happier times, Schirmer and Proctor did some live seminars together in Australia, and for a while Schirmer was selling DVDs and other material based on those seminars. Even if he has since repackaged them and had the Bob parts edited out, I'm not so sure that Bob would be happy about the prospect of the person he successfully sued for deceptive practices making money off of his, Bob's, name and work. And I'm pretty sure that Nightingale-Conant wouldn't want their own good name besmirched by copyright infringement issues.

Then again, Nightingale-Conant can probably take care of themselves. They've been in business a long time and, as I've said, they've published the works of many of the world's most famous motivators and self-improvement experts (so far they've published three audio packages by Joe Vitale). At one time they even offered a version of the Mega-Memory Course by the infamous Kevin Trudeau. Kevin has certainly had his share of troubles, but I'm sure that even though he no longer seems to be in their active catalog, he made a lot of money for Nightingale-Conant. And maybe that's all that really counts.

In any case, I have a feeling that if Nightingale-Conant liked Kevin Trudeau, they are absolutely going to love David Schirmer.

That's Sir Hustledork to you
Speaking of cons, the star of the latest US financial scandal, Texas tycoon "Sir" R. Allen Stanford (who, come to think of it, sort of bears a resemblance to the aforementioned Kevin Trudeau), still has not been arrested, although one of his fall gals, the Chief Investment Officer at Stanford Financial Group, was taken into custody by the FBI February 26 on charges of obstructing an investigation.

So are you thinking what I'm thinking? What I'm thinking is that Sir Allen would fit just perfectly in the New-Wage/selfish-help industry, especially if he can manage to stay out of prison. As we know, however, even a prison record cannot significantly damage the earning power of a true master.

In some ways Sir Allen stands head and shoulders above some of the New-Wage industry's leading hustledorks, who have only their phony doctorate degrees, whereas Sir Allen has that whole phony knighthood thing going. Still, I imagine the New-Wagers would gladly welcome him into their fold, and their followers would give him standing ovations at any magical money-attracting seminar where he appeared.

At the very least, once Sir Allen gets past those little setbacks he's currently facing, he should seriously consider writing a motivational bestseller and putting on a bunch of hugely expensive seminars. (He probably already has a book deal or two, but he really needs to cram some New-Wage spiritual concepts and probably some quantum physics into his book, just to have all of his bases covered.) He is, if nothing else, a master at self-reinvention, and could probably teach even some of the most seasoned selfish-help spruikers a thing or two by example. This is from a recent piece by Houston Chronicle columnist Loren Steffy:

Claims that strain credulity were the foundation of Stanford’s business.

On its Web site, the firm claimed it traced its roots to the Great Depression, when the grandfather of founder R. Allen Stanford started an insurance company in Mexia.

Stanford’s father, though, told the Chronicle last week that he sold the insurance business and that his son had nothing to do with it.

Nor was Sir Allen related to the founder of Stanford University, as the firm claimed until the school sued for trademark infringement.

Instead, the future Sir Allen reportedly started a fitness club in Waco that soon went bust. Then he and his father began in the late 1980s buying up distressed real estate in the wake of the savings and loan crisis.

In 2000, Sir Allen told the Chronicle he founded his Caribbean bank on Montserrat with money left over from funds he’d raised for a real estate deal.

That’s no way to start a bank. In the U.S., it’s a violation of securities laws to collect money for one purpose and use it for another.

Later, after he’d become wealthy and his operations were ensconced in Antigua, Sir Allen began claiming he’d been knighted by England’s Prince Phillip but stopped after Buckingham Palace refuted it. He continues to use the knightly title, though, which was bestowed by Antigua’s prime minister.

The little lies are designed to build up credibility among unsuspecting investors, to paint over the cracks of suspicion that might otherwise cause the scheme to crumble.

Ironically enough, Sir Allen lost a bit of money to the infamous Bernie Madoff, proving that even the conman isn't too smart to get conned. As for the people who got conned by Sir Allen, well... it's not that I don't have sympathy for them (as I do for Madoff's victims), but then again, I have to think that at least some of them have to bear some responsibility. Liars can't profit much without people who are willing to suspend all judgment and believe the lies. As the self-described "non-award-winning political satirist" David Bourgeois wrote recently in the Huffington Post:

The poor saps were lured into this Ponzi scheme with the elixir of unrealistic riches; their thirst for off-the-charts financial gains blinded them to the obvious scam going on right under their noses.

If we really want to weep for victims of financial chicanery, how about we start with the thousands of workers losing their jobs due to extreme financial mismanagement?

Anyway, I'm thinking that Sir Allen could really find his niche teaching the hopeful but desperate masses how to excavate splendid new moneymaking ops from the rubble of this shaken economy. After all, that's what he did back in the 1980s, taking advantage of the wreckage left by the savings and loan crisis, which fueled his meteoric rise to wealth beyond belief. Today's distressed economic climate seems to be an excellent breeding ground for future Sir Roberts. They just need a really good teacher.

Con artist or not, there are many in Antigua who claim they don't care what their knight did wrong, because Sir Allen did right by them. This is from another Houston Chronicle story:

“In America, I’m afraid his goose is cooked, but we will always respect him here for what he brought to the country,” said a merchant who asked not to be named discussing a man who casts such a huge shadow.

“I will tell you, what he has done for this country is remarkable — legal or illegal — and nobody can dispute that,” he continued.

There, you see? It's all good. So... welcome to the New Wage, Sir Allen! I have no doubt that the hustlers will save you a place at the head of their table, where they sit and continue to stuff themselves, occasionally tossing out crumbs to the starving commoners who are simply trying to get into the banquet room. I am sure that you will be an inspiration to many in the years to come.

Whither the SGR club?
While we're on the topic of New-Wagers and shady schemes... remember that "Three Amigos" Science of Getting Rich (SGR) scheme with Secret stars Bob Proctor, Jack Canfield and Michael Beckwith? You know, the one that played on the fame of The Secret, even though Rhonda Byrne and T.S. Productions took pains to inform people that SGR was not in any way affiliated with The Secret or T.S. Productions? This was the scheme where people paid nearly two thousand good U.S. dollars to get a briefcase filled with papers and CDs and stuff. And then they had a chance to sucker other people into buying briefcases, which would earn the sellers handsome commissions and enable them to buy expensive cars or houses or lovers or vacations or whatever they desired for building the life of their dreams.

Well, it seems that deal has completely disappeared from the main SGR site. Go there now and all you get are some tips on copywriting. Hmmm.

But for those who are nostalgically inclined, the scheme lives on in some old affiliate videos, such as this one. I have to wonder: Did the SGR operation get shut down because the number of people who realized what a scam it was finally reached critical mass? I remember that early on there was some suspicion that the plan wasn't exactly legal and bordered on being a pyramid scheme; Oprah reportedly even strongly criticized it, and Michael Beckwith apparently dropped out of the scheme for a while, though he later returned. I've blogged about this on several occasions besides the post I linked to in the "Three Amigos" paragraph above. For example, there's this post; scroll down to the subhead, "Riding The Secret gravy train." (By the way, if you try to follow any of the links I listed in that snippet, you'll find that most have disappeared.)

At any rate, I'm sure that SGR's demise is no skin off the backs of any of the Three Amigos. Scientist Bob, after all, is now busily involved in a scheme with Mary Manin Morrissey, selling people advice on how to reposition their boners by using the eleven Universal Laws that were left out of The Secret. Jack "Chicken Soup" Canfield also is involved in dozens of schemes, and Reverend Beckwith is busy as well (and I have to say that of the three, he seems the most sincerely interested in changing the world for the better. But maybe that's just my own projection (and predilection for dreadlocks) speaking). As for all of the poor suckers who got stuck with those two-thousand dollar briefcases and some seriously downscaled dreams, too bad for them, huh? But hey, there's always the next earth-shattering, rip-roaring, life-changing, thunderously exciting affiliate scheme. And there will be many more such schemes, and many more such suckers, some of whom will probably be the very same ones who got hosed in the briefcase deal. There might even be some Madoff and Stanford victims in the mix.

Contrary to popular belief, PT Barnum apparently never said, "There's a sucker born every minute." But someone said it, and that someone was right. An endless supply of suckers is the one thing that all hustledorks, New-Wage or not, can count on, no matter how crappy the economy gets. It's all a matter of finding creative new ways to separate people from their money.

NEWS FLASH added on Wednesday, 4 March: Boys and girls, if you missed your chance to get screwed out of $2,000 for an SGR briefcase, here's your chance to get screwed out of only $297 for the same thing, although I don't think you get a chance to screw other people out of $297 (but I could be wrong). Yes, Bob is selling off his stock right here. Get 'em while they last! (If you watch the video, notice how slick Bob is with his implication that the SGR program he's selling was the basis of The Secret. In reality, Rhonda Byrne was originally inspired by the classic book, The Science of Getting Rich, by Wallace Wattles, which is now in the public domain and easily available for free or cheap.)

Might as well notify the Nobel Prize Committee right now
Finally, speaking of creative money-making ideas, I am thrilled to announce that a brand new branch of science has been created by "Dr." Joe Vitale: neurometaphysics. He announced his discovery in his March 2 blog post:

I’m a neurometaphysician. I created the new science of neurometaphysics.

I’m a neurometaphysician. I created the field of neurometaphysics. This goes beyond neuroscience, which is the study of how your nervous system affects your life. Neurometaphysics is the science of how your thoughts create your life...

...Note: If you want to hear more about the science of neurometaphysics, leave a comment and tell me so. Meanwhile, please Digg this post and share it with others. Thank you.

And the Joebots are lining up to praise him and find out more about this fascinating new branch of science.

Come to think of it, it might be kind of cool to have a Ph.D. in neurometaphysics. Since it is such a new branch of science, though, I fear that the diploma mills...I mean, online universities...might not have a program in place yet that allows one to buy...I mean earn...a degree in that particular discipline. Joe himself already has a doctorate in metaphysics, but what if he wants to buy a doctorate in neurometaphysics? I guess he'll have to create his own online university with an advanced degree program, and sell the Ph.D. to himself. Maybe he could call his new institution of higher earning the Vitale American Institute of Neurometaphysics, or VAIN. And he could sell "life experience" Bachelors and Masters and Doctoral degrees to tons of other people. Hey, it's another income stream. You don't even have to thank me, Joe.

By the way, there's a guy named Anoop Gupta in Canada who just might take issue with Joe's claim to have invented neurometaphysics. No worries, though; maybe Joe and Anoop can share the Nobel Prize.

Well, that's it for now, Dear Ones. More soon.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled snarping

First off, that last word in the title isn't a typo. I've decided that "snarp" is often a more accurate description than "snark" for what I do here. It is, as you might have guessed, a combo of "snark" and "snipe." At least that's my definition; other people have different ideas.

Anyhoo, I think that for the time being I've had enough of hurricanes and Angry Bloggers, so to take my mind and yours off of that stuff for a while, I thought I'd share a few snarpy snippets (or snippy snarps). (And I'm sorry if the fonts look weird; I can't figure out what happened. Everything I do to correct the situation just makes them look weirder.)

Lust Love Guru cleared of charges
Back in May I wrote a snippet about a so-called love & prosperity guru, Bijan Anjomi,
who was facing rape charges by two of his former followers. Those charges have now been dropped. The moment it became news that Bijan was in the clear, a person I'm guessing to be a Bijan fan wrote this comment to my blog:

May I add to the discussion that you seem to have based your comments on "observations" and "opinions" and "conclusions" based on your personal belief system which is that all new age coaches have false motives. This way of looking at the world, seeing male authority as evil, leads to that being the reality you see and present.

Bijan is beyond your belief system and he is human but he is also transparent. He and his wife do not hide their life and sincerely wish peace to all, including you, me, all the blog readers and the women who made the false accusations.

Because we are all One....this includes you, me, Bijan ........and all the other people who have committed sexual offenses or false accusations.......this is part of all of us and we are healing from this all together.

I hope it gives peace to all to know that these charges were dropped by the ladies involved.

I replied:

"May I add to the discussion that you seem to have based your comments on "observations" and 'opinions' and 'conclusions' based on your personal belief system which is that all new age coaches have false motives. This way of looking at the world, seeing male authority as evil, leads to that being the reality you see and present.

"Bijan is beyond your belief system and he is human but he is also transparent..."

Condescension duly noted, Anon, but if you think that *my* opinion about most New-Wage "coaches" is based merely upon a "belief system," particularly one that "sees all male authority as evil," then I would suggest that you have not been paying very close attention to this blog!

But then, you probably never did really make an effort to read anything here except the post and the comments about your god, Bijan. If the charges against him were false or exaggerated, then I agree that it was only just that they be dropped. However, none of this does anything to change my opinion about New-Wage coaches in general. Some are fine people, but there are many scammers, charlatans and sexual predators in the lot too. And even though the charges were withdrawn, I still wouldn't rule out the possibility that Bijan, like so many others, has indeed used his position of power to exploit some of his followers sexually, financially or both.

I did notice that the article said that even though the charges were withdrawn by a judge, there is a peace bond between Bijan and the two women who accused him. A peace bond, in Canadian law, is an order from a criminal court that restrains one person from bothering or threatening another. This could simply have been done to ensure that Bijan would not turn around and counter-sue. Then again, there could be something more to this story. As I said in an earlier comment, where there's smoke, there's fire.

Maybe I do have a "limited belief system." But it's the kind of "belief system" that keeps me from being taken advantage of in a hotel room by a slick-talking joker wearing nothing but a towel and a smile.

As for that "we all are one" rationale my correspondent used, Jody addressed it on the Guruphiliac blog, in a post aptly titled, "A 'Love Guru' Gets Off." He described the oneness-of-humanity concept in this context as "a meaningless interpretation of nondual truth in an attempt to skate...out of a tough spot." I couldn't have said it better myself.

Is it ACCESS...or are they just H.A.F.?*
Recently a commenter to my blog sent me links to a couple of YouTube offerings presented by the very silly ACCESS Energy Transformation cult, which I've snarked (and snarped) about on more than one occasion here.
First we have the two main perps...er..."leaders" of ACCESS – former real estate agent Gary Douglas and former chiropractor Dain Heer – sharing their wisdom and expertise on childhood nutrition and ADHD, among other things. (Their expert advice? Let your kids eat anything they want, even the sugary junk food, and let 'em eat till they puke. That'll learn 'em not to eat stuff that's bad for 'em.) It's kind of disquieting to watch some of those parents and their kids in the audience...
Next we have this video, which is absolutely classic.

At one point on the clip an ACCESS devotee says, "It was something that I always observed, y'know, but could never really name."

That person's lack of ability to name "it" was, I assume, pre-ACCESS. However, it seems that post-ACCESS, people still can't seem to name "it," whatever "it" is. In fact, they seem to have a great deal of trouble expressing themselves verbally about anything at all – which, I suppose, is only fitting, since the ability to speak well requires at least a rudimentary ability to think, and ACCESS actively discourages thought.

The blond who appears towards the end of this vid is priceless; her vacuous facial expressions and equally vacuous attempts at verbalizing appear to be textbook symptoms of ACCESS indoctrination.

I realize that some folks who have read about ACCESS and/or have watched the promotional videos might be somewhat curious, perhaps in the way people are curious about car wrecks they pass on the road, about that special state of enlightened mindlessness these folks are babbling about. I think that to truly understand it, we need to turn once again to a lovely song that I know I just linked to recently, but it's so fitting that I feel obliged to do it again. I believe this guy 'splains it better than anyone else. (And by the way, why don't they sell porcupines on the Internet?)

* H.A.F., If you don't already know, you can figure out what it stands for if you follow the link in the paragraph above.

It's because the Universe likes greed, Michael.
I'm on the mailing list of a New-Wage guru named Michael Mirdad, a third- or fourth-tier spiritual teacher who hasn't made it really big in the New-Wage world yet but is still out there trying. He's into everything from A Course In Miracles to Christ consciousness to Buddhism to sacred sex to prosperity. His persona leans much more towards that of the wise-but-humble master than the slick, materialistic hustledork, though I imagine he does a little elbow-rubbing with the hustledorks, merely by virtue of the fact that he often speaks at New Thought churches, which, let's face it, are hustledork magnets. In a recent newsletter he addressed the greed in today's spiritual teachers. Here's what he wrote, in part:

As I hope you have noticed by now, it's rare indeed to hear me spend time on such worldly issues as politics, the economy, and monetary gain. Nevertheless, after much deliberation, I feel compelled to share my thoughts about something, namely the huge emphasis within "popular" New Age thought over the last year or two on people learning to "get more of what they want" from life-particularly when it comes to money and material possessions.

I can't help but notice that Buddha, Jesus, Mohammed, Krishna, and numerous other masters forgot to tell us this newly discovered "prerequisite for enlightenment." How is it that the ancient masters failed to tell us what so many New Thought teachers and authors are now commonly addressing? These modern teachers tell us to use the creative power within our minds to get more "stuff." Instead, the masters of old taught that we should practice getting rid of our "stuff." This should make us wonder if the teachers of old were missing something or if today's teachers have perhaps fallen prey to the lord of this world-greed. Of course their greed is disguised as "creating your reality." But, who do you think is giving them the finances for the material possessions they are "creating"? It's you, the spiritual student! Don't get me wrong, I agree that we should all be abundant, but why do spiritual teachers (or anyone, for that matter) need several cars, houses, and boats, while failing to be equally okay giving such possessions to others in need?

Actually, Michael kind of overlooks the current trend of what I like to call "conspicuous altruism," wherein various New-Wage gurus and hustledorks work earnestly – in between car-shopping and mansion-hunting – to look as if they're trying to make a difference in the world by distributing copies of The Secret to third-world countries, or by vowing to end poverty or homelessness in our lifetime, or whatever. I'm not making the claim that all of this altruism is mere posturing. But it does seem that many of these enlightened do-gooders are in it for the ego rush and the publicity as much as anything else, and it appears that some of their programs are mainly about making yet more money for themselves and a few cronies. Well, that's a topic for another blog post (coming soon).

Mirdad continues:

Once the movie The Secret (which was great) made it so big, too many teachers and authors jumped on the bandwagon writing books, making more movies, and creating seminars, in effect telling people how important it is to get more from life. Sadly, it's rare for any of these same teachers and authors to allow those who have little or no money to attend for free-mainly because such folks who have no money can't help to supply these teachers with another boat payment.

I recently saw an interview with one of these teachers/authors. Asked how he was doing, he replied by stating that he had just paid cash for a new house, as though this is the measure of one's state of being. Instead, imagine answering such a question as "How are you doing?" by the measure of how much you are able to give to others.

Once again he's overlooking that conspicuous-altruism trend, which at least pays lip service to the value of giving; nevertheless, his point is well-taken (except for the bit about The Secret being "great").

But here's the part that really made me pay attention:

Also, I recently heard from the coordinator of a popular spiritual conference that she was having difficulty getting speakers to attend her next event because most have followed the trend of asking for $15,000-$25,000 per hour for their time, which they usually want to have paid in advance. This seems absurd to me! While teaching and speaking at conferences for over 25 years, I have met all of the well-known teachers and authors (many of whom are friends and colleagues) and have not found one that has wisdom worth $25,000 dollars per hour. In fact, I personally find that many of my students have more sincerity and as much wisdom as the most popular of these teachers and authors.

It seems acceptable even for students of spirituality to complain about the profits the government makes on our taxes or the oil tycoons make on fuel or large corporations give to pad the lives of their CEO's, but nobody bothers to notice the greed of modern spiritual teachers. Buddha laughed at the likes of these individuals; Jesus rebuked them and referred to them as blind guides and hypocrites. Furthermore, neither Buddha nor Jesus ever charged a dime for their teachings, which by the way, far surpass the teachings of any of today's authors...

If the fees currently charged by Secret stars such as Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale are any indication, the events coordinator that Mirdad quoted was spot-on. Joe's current fees for speaking are $25,000.00 an hour for domestic events and $35,000.00 an hour for international events, plus first-class travel for two and hotel accommodations in a suite. James Arthur Ray, another Secret star, charges from $30,000.00 to $75,000.00 for keynote speaking, depending upon the length of the presentation, distance to venue and other factors. Travel and other expenses are extra. Mars-and-Venus author "Dr." John Gray's keynote fees range from $50,000.00 to $75,000.00, according to a speakers' bureau that represents him. Some speakers such as Chicken Soup for the Soul co-creator Jack Canfield, who was also in The Secret, don't even list their fees; the various speakers' bureaus that represent them just say, "Call for fees."

I hasten to add, however, that the amounts listed above actually fall well within the accepted current range for "celebrity keynote speakers," and some of the bigger names in the selfish-help world charge $100,000 and more for a keynote speech. (And real celebrities, such as actors and top athletes and such, charge $200,000 and more.) So you might say that some of the spiritual "teachers" are charging bargain-basement prices, relatively speaking, for their keynotes. Still, it's all quite a bit more than Jesus and Buddha charged for their stuff. And perhaps the whole keynote-speaking price structure could be looked upon as yet another reflection of our culture's misplaced priorities, particularly when real teachers – you know, those dedicated women and men who work in our schools – are generally so underpaid and under-valued.

Gosh darn it, I'm sounding moralistic again. Sorry.

As for another point that Michael Mirdad addressed, the ancient spiritual masters' views on wealth, there's no shortage of rationalization among the New-Wage "leaders" about that. On more than one occasion, Mr. Fire (to give but one example) has defended his own brand of spiritual materialism as being right in sync with the teachings of Buddha. In a fairly recent blog post he mentioned a book he'd been reading.

The Buddha’s Teachings on Prosperity at Home, at Work, in the World by Bhikku Basnagoda Rahula. What a great book! I’m relieved to see someone show that Buddha was not against wealth or success. He instead wanted you to be wealthy so you could help yourself, your family, and your community. That’s exactly what I say is the best reason to get rich. I never knew Buddha agreed with me. Anyway, this is an insightful, practical book that I keep returning to. Get it. Make it your devotional reading for a while. Rich stuff.

Prosperity Buddhism is to the New Wage as Prosperity Christianity is to the Born-Again camp. And I'm sure Buddha would be pleased and proud to know that Mr. Fire just bought himself yet another car, a 2008 Rolls-Royce Phantom, auto of choice for sheiks and tycoons. Prices start at $340,000.00 US. He offers this latest purchase as further proof that his "Attract A New Car" program really works.

Anyway, Michael Mirdad admits that he too charges for his services, products and workshops, but says that in the more than twenty-five years he's been in the biz, he and his staff "have NEVER turned away a student who couldn't afford our workshops or sessions – that is, as long as that student or client was sincere about learning or healing." He added:

At our recent mastery intensive, our attendees were surprised to see that such a large portion of their fee was spent on workshop supplies, guest facilitators, and on beautifying the property for their further enjoyment. In other words, we directly gave back to those who gave to us. We see this as a win-win scenario, rather than being one person benefiting from what they take from others.

In all fairness I should say that judging by what I've seen and heard, some gurus and leaders, including Mr. Fire, do occasionally make exceptions for people who can't afford their workshops or other events. But Mirdad's main point seems to be that when it comes to keynote speaking engagements (as opposed to seminars and workshops and such), most of these folks are waaaay overpriced in the first place. Even realizing that concepts such as "overpriced" and "affordable" are generally subjective judgments, and even being aware of the keynote-speaking price tier, I am still left with one thought: Holy crap, $35,000.00 an hour?!?

I gotta find me a scam. (So, okay, that's two thoughts.)

Contents of magical briefcase revealed!
Speaking of scams, on several occasions I've mentioned the magical mystery briefcase you get when you shell out the nearly two thousand US dollars required to join "Scientist" Bob Proctor's famous Science of Getting Rich Program, in which he partners with two fellow Secret hustlers, the aforementioned Jack "Chicken Soup" Canfield and the Reverend Michael "Zormak" Beckwith. But just what is in that briefcase?

Well, here's a clip that reveals everything.

And as a special bonus for my faithful readers, here's Scientist Bob himself unzipping it and showing it all. (I promise this is not as disgusting as I made it sound.)

The take-away lesson from Bob's show-and-tell: "The main thing is to keep The Main Thing the main thing." It is this thought (along with that briefcase, of course) that is supposed to hold the key to making millions of dollars.

Look, I know we're supposed to respect our elders and all of that stuff. But can someone please explain to me WTF so many people see in this guy?

Apparently enough people see enough in him that he has sufficient resources for yet another sea cruise this year (I wrote about last year's cruise here). This year's theme is all about prospering in the changing economy. Here's a link to the speaker list.
They probably won't be giving briefcases away on this one. I'm sure they're way past briefcases now. (Perhaps miracle steamer trunks, a la Joe Versus The Volcano...?)

DNA activation really works: scientifical proof!
Among the conspicuously enlightened, many of whom like to pretend they are highly trained scientists, DNA is a really, really big thing. Some of these folks can barely spell DNA and aren't even sure exactly what the initials stand for, say nothing of what DNA actually is; nevertheless, many of them either sell or promote various techniques, products or gimmicks that aid you in reprogramming your DNA in order to achieve wealth, health and happiness, and/or to raise your vibrational level. Naturally, I have made fun of this, and so, as it happens, has my pal HHH in the UK.

But HHH had a humbling lesson recently, and he wrote to me about it.

I felt I should check out Gregg Braden's work before casually dismissing it, and boy am I glad I did. Gregg says that our maintaining a positive state of wellbeing can activate the hidden divine code within our DNA. So, both before and after a period of intensive prayer and offering of gratitude to the all spirit, plus a bit of chanting and wotnot, I had my DNA tested. I know technical stuff like DNA analysis bamboozles less cutting edge people, but I'm sure anyone can see the hidden code in my DNA. Find attached the highly scientifimicological diagram of my DNA, before and after activation.

[Note: Click on graphic to view it full size.]

Wow. I too am a believer now. Thanks, HHH!

Another brain destroyed by The SecretSpeaking of The Secret, a dear friend of mine who at one time was kind of a Secret fan sent me an email recently about a pal of his who had been introduced to The Secret around the same time as he.

I had a real sad eye opener re “self help.” My friend who watched The Secret about the same time I did has gone off the deep end. He quit his nice easy PhD. job, cashed in his retirement, went to Mexico to live with his Internet bride, made $0 in 6 months while launching his breakthrough website; had to beg borrow and steal to get back to the US; hasn’t paid child support in months (but has managed to learn all the secrets of the ever expanding universe). [He] met some “prophet” (read: down and out retired PhD) in the Caribbean and they are starting an “online university” to revitalize and reinvigorate the universe.

All of a sudden “Democracy” and the US government are evil incarnate (OK, so a lot of folks say that, but guess where he came when he finally bottomed out and needed $$?) [Other beliefs and stuff he's into]: Extraterrestrials “seeded” Terra Firma and spoke through Ra, god of Egypt...worldwide alignment of the Pyramids…Rothschild banking conspiracy…Bilderbergs…the Trilateral Commission…Illuminati…Bush, etc. A handful of people control everything that the other 6 billion of us do on a daily basis…

It was really sad to see this guy go from slightly eccentric to full blown wacko, and he’s all about Proctor, Hicks, etc. “The Secret was just an introduction to the truth as it is being revealed to the universe…BTW have you ever noticed how some humans look like space aliens?"


ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHH!!!!!!! That’s me losing what’s left of my flipping mind.

Granted, my friend liked The Secret, and its inspirational message seems to have helped him through some rough spots he was experiencing at the time. So I know that some might point out that because The Secret apparently was somewhat helpful to him, I could just as easily have titled this snippet, "Another life enriched by The Secret." But The Secret was just one of several factors in his life at that time. In the end it was his own hard work and determination that really made the difference. He didn't just sit around and wait for the Universe Genie to deliver good things to him. (And when he decided to go back to school to get his Ph.D., he went to an accredited university to get a real Ph.D., rather than one of those Faux-h.D.'s that are so favored by New-Wage "leaders.")

I also know that some might argue that had it not been for The Secret, my friend's buddy would probably have found some other road map to lunacy. And that may be true, especially in light of all of those conspiracy theories floating around. But the fact remains that in this case, it was The Secret that provided the "inspiration" for this guy to turn his back on his life and on people who were counting on him.
That's it for now, snippet-wise. I leave you with another song that I just can't get out of my head (thanks to Shaza). This is an old one by Phish. The video part leaves a bit to be desired, but this is the studio recording of the song, which is far superior to the live-concert version that can also be found on YouTube. For some inexplicable reason this song was going through my head all through Hurricane Ike and during the power outage afterward. And even though I was sick of hearing it in my head, it was the first thing I played on my computer once the power came back on. Thankfully, I wasn't actually wading in a sea of any kind during or after Ike's visit, but unfortunately, many people were.

* * * * *

Now more than ever, your donation is needed
to help keep this Whirled spinning.
Click here to donate via PayPal or debit/credit card.
If that link doesn't work, send PayPal payment directly to
scrivener66@hotmail.com
or to cosmic.connie@juno.com
If PayPal, be sure to specify that your contribution is a gift. Thank you!

Not wholly Moses, but enough to fill up another New-Wage moviemercial

Dear Ones, the REAL Secret to manifesting the life of your dreams, or at least to manufacturing the dreams of your life, has been right under our noses for several months. It has actually been on the Whirled Musings back burner for a while, but it took my alert pal in the UK, HHH, to nudge me, via a recent email, out of my stupor.

I give you, Dear Ones, The Moses Code, which, as HHH describes it, is...

...the ultimate, the Secret behind the Secret which is above the other Secret transcending all previous Secrets. Never will anyone be able to reveal any more Secrets after this one because this is it- the bedrock, foundation Secret. It's so secret it's even in code...*

The Moses Code is both a book and a New-Wage moviemercial based on that book. The perp is author and self-described "troubadour of peace" James F. Twyman. I mentioned Twyman here in passing a couple of years ago; among his other achievements, he was the discoverer of a marvelous talent, Grandma Chandra, a physically and mentally challenged young woman who happens to hail from the Twelfth Dimension. GranChan can't speak a word, but she communicates telepathically to certain people who are able to receive her messages. Twyman is a big believer in the existence of Truly Special Children, particularly Indigo brats, and he has been involved in awareness-raising (not to mention fund-raising) activities such as international psychic-kid conferences. So he's pretty seasoned at peddling crap finding great truths and sharing them with the world. An article written in September 2003 noted:

Twyman...readily capitalizes on his own and children's purported paranormal abilities.

Twyman sells books and Internet course(s) based on the Psychic Children. He holds pricey Psychic Children conferences, camps, and fairs, charging about $300 for adults for the main conference. He offers an Internet course on telekinetic spoon-bending. He purportedly conversed with Jesus ("Jeshua") who revealed to Twyman through a "Divine Partnership" the "secrets of Heaven and Earth," which Twyman turned into an Internet course for required donations -- with a suggested retail value of $150.

He purports to have frequently "conversed" telepathically from abroad with a Psychic Child he calls Thomas from Bulgaria, and other Psychic Children - providing more content for books and Internet courses. A "secret society" of spiritual masters called "emissaries of light" purportedly revealed themselves in the flesh to Twyman in Bosnia (before they disbanded) -- more content for courses and books...

Oh, well, that was then; this is now. And now we have Twyman's The Moses Code, and here it is in a nutshell: Moses, the guy in the Bible, was told the REAL Secret to manifestation by a voice in a burning bush way back in Bible Times. He used that Secret to do a lot of amazing things. But then the Secret was buried for centuries because the unwashed masses in olden days couldn't handle it. It took James Twyman to un-bury this great Secret and share it with the masses, who are now washed for the most part, and are finally ready to accept the Secret and use it. And you – yes, you! – can now learn Moses' Secret and use it to manifest anything you want in your life – cars, houses, soul mates, and so forth. Even better, you can manifest good stuff for the world: peace, an end to hunger, an end to ignorance, and whatnot. (Note to New-Wage manifesters: Better not work too hard on that "end to ignorance" stuff, lest your target market dry up and disappear.)

As anyone who's been following this blog has probably noticed, I've been writing about Drew Heriot, original director of The Secret, and the trouble he's had trying to collect the money that Secret producer Rhonda Byrne promised him. Well, Drew also happens to be the director of The Moses Code movie. Either he really and truly believes in this stuff, or he simply believes he can make money from it. On the one hand, I would like to see him succeed just on general principle, as I think he did get a rotten deal from Rhonda... but on the other hand, I gotta do what I gotta do, and if he keeps on creating snarkworthy product, I gotta snark. Sorry, Drew.

On first glance, it almost looks as if The Moses Code is going somewhat against the grain of today's most popular moviemercials and is hawking Conspicuous Altruism, a la The Shift, rather than the usual Inspired Greed & Narcissism, a la The Secret. The first talking head in the trailer is bestselling author, speaker, ordained minister and Yoruba priestess The Reverend Doctor Iyanla Van Zant. Now, in some respects, the RevDoc Iyanla is no different from your average New-Wage author; one of her most recent projects was an organized effort to pump up sales of a new edition of her book, Tapping The Power Within, on Amazon, Borders and "Barnes and Nobles" [sic] so she could boast that it was a bestseller:

We intend for Tapping the Power Within to hit the NY Times Bestseller's List through sales of reporting outlets Amazon, Barnes & Nobles and Borders, and you can help manifest this vision!

Please purchase your book from Amazon, Barnes & Nobles or Borders and please purchase your book on (or soon after) September 4th.

Note, the book may be available prior to September 4th, but we are asking that you please wait to purchase it when the impact of your purchase will be the greatest!

This is S.O.P. for authors who want to be able to truthfully say their tomes are bestsellers, in some cases "even outselling Harry Potter!" But I have to admit that RevDoc Ilyana almost won me over at the beginning of the Moses Code trailer with this pronouncement:

When we talk about manifestation or getting 'stuff'...we want two cars, three houses...You got one butt. Why do you need four cars?

[Note to self: Research the good Reverend Doctor and find out how many cars and houses she has.]

Also in The Moses Code is that bearded moviemercial standard, Neale Donald Walsch, who got super-rich by writing about the voices in his head. Neale Donald says, "Advanced students understand that it [manifestation] works exactly the opposite [as is normally understood]...not to try to magnetize something to us, but to try to bring something through us."

On closer examination, however, The Moses Code is just another moviemercial featuring a line-up of New-Wage infotainers, though notably absent from that line-up is Joe "I Just Got Me Another Fancy New Car & You Can Too If You Give Me Money!" Vitale (see RevDoc Iyanla's quotation, above).

Many of the usual suspects are there, however, including a few from The Secret, such as Reverend Michael Beckwith of the Agape Spiritual Center. The Reverend Beckwith, as you may also know if you've been following this blog, is also known for teaming up with Scientist Bob Proctor and Jack "Chicken Soup" Canfield in the Three Amigos/SGR scam, which gives you a change to buy a briefcase for a couple thousand dollars US, whereupon you have a chance to try to sucker other people into buying briefcases, and you get a commission for every dolt who falls for your pitch and forks over for a briefcase. I've blogged about that on more than one occasion, such as here.

Also appearing is former computer programmer turned mystic "scientist" Gregg Braden, who's making a lot of money by convincing people that he is shattering their paradigms. You've met him here too.

There's also a sprinkling of psychics, mystics, spiritual counselors and "intuitives" (including ghost whisperer James Van Pris...er...Praagh, just to give the film extra credibility) as well as assorted motivators and hustledorks. There's even one of Drew Heriot's pals from the Elevate Film Festival, Mikki Willis (billed as "filmmaker and visionary"). I have to say that Mikki looks and sounds more than a little bit like a stoner as he describes an apparent moment of revelation: "All of the material world was just garbage at that point. It didn't matter." Like wow, man. (Yeah, I'm humming, "Have you ever been high as f&$#?") Whenever I hear a statement like Mikki's from someone in Hollywood, I always have to wonder if the person saying it takes the "material-world-means-nothing" concept literally. Has Mikki, for example, indeed renounced materialism completely, and is he living a quiet and humble life as far away from the material mania of Hollywood as he possibly can? Someone do some research on that and get back to me, okay?

Overwhelmingly, the reviews of The Moses Code DVD and the original book are positive, at least on Amazon (as may be apparent, I'm too lazy to look anywhere else or do any real research). As is so often the case with these products, few of the gushing five- and four-star reviewers have actually admitted to using the advice or techniques successfully in their own lives, but at least they were impressed by the presentation.

Of course there are critics. Some are disappointed that the book and movie fall short of their promises of actually delivering a long-hidden secret to manifestation.

Here's something from a one-star review of the book:

Obvious Marketing Ploy Written Like A Blog, March 4, 2008

By M. Sorenson

As I read Twyman's book I recognized the identical concepts that have been taught throughout the ages. Sweedenborg [sic], Emerson, Descartes, Thomas Troward, Abraham-Hicks, Ernest Homes [sic] and more notably the many works of Neville Goddard all show that this book is a regurgitation of one idea that is not secret at all. This book is a marketing ploy much like the Secret and in fact Twyman seems to continue to ride that gravy train by aligning himself with the law of attraction and implying: "But I have the secret to unlocking the Secret." Very enticing indeed but this book will probably leave many, just as empty...

...The Moses Code is much like the Secret. A book, a ruse to provide the reader with the "secret handshake" that will awaken the genie-god to deliver shiny toys to your doorstep. This premise will always sell books.

The book borrows the very same ideas from Rhonda Byrne (The Secret) by posing the preposterous notion that something powerful, a secret code, was hidden from the world that would solve all of our problems--until now. In this book Twyman describes how God gave Moses the secret code during the famous burning bush scene in the third chapter of Exodus. He goes on to say that Moses used the secret code to perform many miracles such as freeing his people from captivity, turning his walking stick into a serpent, turning the Nile into blood, killing the first born of every Egyptian, creating plagues, and parting the red sea to destroy the pursuing Egyptian army.

Mr. Twyman attempts to share with the reader the same secret code that Moses supposedly used. A secret code that propels the law of attraction to new heights. A secret code that somehow became lost by Moses and just discovered in 2008.

"What are some of the things you most want to receive? Abundance? Your Soul Mate? The Perfect House? Your Dream Car? Chapter 1.

"And now you will use the name of God just as Moses did to realize your greatest dream. The process you're about to learn will align your power with the power of God, giving you the authority to draw into your life anything you desire." Chapter 2.

The Moses Code presents two sides to the manifesting issue: Ego manifesting and "soul" manifesting which is a noble concept but the book fails to make a reasonable case for the latter. What is the secret code? Say "I AM (a specific desire or state of being). A method in the book is given as a meditative technique. Write down on a piece of paper your desire such as financial abundance or the perfect relationship. Once you are alone and in a relaxed state, take some deep breaths and look at what you have written. Now say "I am [that]" Exhale as you say these words, and then as you inhale continue by saying: "I am." Repeat this pattern as you stare at what you've written. It is important that you feel the emotion of "already having" the thing you are asking for.

...The book is a mish-mash of ideas written in the form of a long blog entry and unfortunately is packaged as a magnificent discovery for the seeker. While Twyman points to an important dichotomy between "us and God," he still exhibits a rather archaic view of scripture based on assumptions, possibly from his Franciscan roots. It actually appears that Twynam at some time read a little Neville Goddard, Murphy or Ernest Holmes and decided to put these ideas in his own words and package it as a newly discovered treasure--all the while surfing the wake left behind by The Secret.

And here we have a disappointed reviewer of the movie:

I AM DISAPPOINTED, I AM!, April 21, 2008

By SS (Bangkok, Thailand) - See all my reviews

I gave this movie at least 2 stars for the effort, but it is filled with unfulfilled promises from beginning to end. The DVD cover says it's 90 minutes, the truth, is the movie is just under 60 minutes. The DVD says, it's filled with extra bonuses for 30 minutes. The truth, there's a 12-minute music video, and the other 18 minutes is a request for a donation.

On top of that, all the great parts in the movie are summed up in the 2-minute trailer. The rest of the movie is just stretching a principle out to crazy proportions. The movie is not systematic. Other speakers seem to be talking about their own things not related to the movie or the Moses code and that's fair because there's NOT MUCH THERE TO TALK ABOUT.

The idea may have been very powerful, but the execution makes it into a joke. It was a disappointment to watch and I'm slightly embarrassed that I bought it. I AM EMBARRASSED, I AM.

Others dispute The Moses Code on religious or scholarly grounds, or both:

PJ Wong says: This phrase "I am that I am", spoken by God, is totally taken out of context by this book. Did Moses reach some wonderful place of fulfillment by saying this phrase? Go back to what the Exodus account itself depicts. This phrase is not the revelation of a psychobabble mystery for Moses to "become', it is the revelation of the character of a Most Holy God, an eternal and timeless God, speaking through a bush that is burning but does not die. Moses had to go through terrible trials and doubts. He was supported by the strength of God, not the strength of his "manifesting" some state of perfection. And he never achieved some state of material happiness, indeed, he died in the desert without ever reaching the beautiful promised land.

Regarding any (traditional) religious objections, I know that religionistas easily take umbrage at these things; witness the furor over The DaVinci Code and some of Dan Brown's other works. But at least those works were marketed as fiction and entertainment, not as THE path to material, emotional and spiritual fulfillment. There's a huge difference.

As snarkworthy as I find all of this, HHH swears there's something to The Moses Code, but you have to use the proper invocation. Here's the Moses Code invocation he uses:

Hocus pocus stuff your ass with a crocus
I invoke Moses and his holy little toeses.

Although I am not sure how the imagery of inserting a flower into a donkey can bring you in touch with the divine, HHH swears by it, explaining, "This invocation can cancel all credit card debt, remove verrucas, heal snakebites and guarantee success at any job interview." He's never lied to me yet, so I can only assume that it's true.

However, I must say that HHH has already been proven wrong about one thing. There will always be another Ultimate Secret to be discovered, revealed, and turned into a New Wage moviemercial and affiliate program.

And you can take that to the bank.

* If you're interested, Skeptico did a drive-by snark on The Moses Code about six months ago.