Apologies, updates, and the 2010 Scammy Winners

First, the obligatory apologies and updates...
My apologies, Dear Ones, for being away from here for such an extended period of time. I've been tending to work and family issues and have had precious few moments to tend to my hobby blog, or even to participate very much in others' blogs. I deeply appreciate the continuing support from all of you, however.

Things have been pretty busy around The Ranch at the Edge of Nowhere and surrounding areas. There have been adventures aplenty. Or at least they seem like adventures to people such as Yours Truly who are easily amused. F'rinstance, it's kidding season at our friends' organic goat dairy up the road, and we recently got to watch an actual goat actually being born. I was thrilled. I love watching things being born (told you I was easily amused). I even like to watch YouTube videos of foaling and calving and kidding and whelping and such. But there's nothing like being right there in the barn when a brand spanking new critter makes its debut, and the whole place is filled with the sweet and heady aroma of birth, not to mention the scuffling drama of chickens and barn dogs jostling for a taste of the afterbirth... Okay, T.M.I. (But I have a really good goat afterbirth pic if you want to see it.)

Our friends separate the new goats from their mamas almost immediately after they're born, though the kids are carefully bottle-fed and otherwise lovingly attended. They're usually sold at a very young age. Their fate depends upon their gender; sadly, most of the little boys (bucklings) end up as cabrito, whereas most of the doelings eventually become milkers. A few of both genders simply become pets, but our friends are very choosy about the people to whom they sell goats as pets. They are extremely responsible farmers and stewards.

Ron took a few pics at the place. Here, for example, is a bucket full of brand-new future cabrito.
Here are a couple of slightly older kids bellying up to the milk bar.
And here's me, or part of me, trying to feed one of the new kids on the block, and in case you were wondering, that's colostrum ("first milk") in the bottle, not a brew. The newbies have to get their fill of colostrum in the first days of life in order to get their little immune systems off on the right track.
To the right of the picture is the little fellow's mother, making sure I'm doing it correctly. Actually I kind of suck at feeding new goats (I know: the kids are the ones that are supposed to be doing the sucking); my friends said you just have to get the hang of it. This one was fighting the bottle.

Goat feeding glitches notwithstanding, I sometimes wonder if I was born to be a farmer. I've seriously considered it. Maybe it's in my blood. Both of my parents grew up on farms, after all, as did their parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents before them. I come from a long line of farmers, y'all. On second thought, maybe I'll just continue to hang with my farmer friends and experience the joys of farming vicariously (while buying as much of their delightful fresh feta, chevre, and cajeta as I possibly can). Yeah, that sounds a lot smarter, not to mention cheaper. Besides, farmers are on call 24/7. I don't think I could keep up with that pace.

There's a dangerous side to farm and ranch life too, as Ron and I were reminded a few weeks ago when one of our favorite horses pulled a knife on Ron. We were strolling around The Ranch late one afternoon when we ran into a lady who was riding the horse she boards out here, a handsome chestnut Thoroughbred gelding named Gyro. We stopped to chat, and as we were shooting the breeze, Gyro suddenly reached down and smartly plucked Ron's razor-sharp Swedish military knife out of the sheath attached to his belt. Ron always carries a serious knife with him when we're walking around The Ranch, just in case we run into any copperhead snakes, carnivorous plants, or other dangerous life forms. (Actually, I'm just kidding about the carnivorous plants, but not about the snakes.)

Gyro, who apparently couldn't decide whether the knife was a food item or a toy, began bobbing his head vigorously, waving his new-found prize around, and he almost got Ron with it. Fortunately Ron has excellent reflexes and was able to grab the weapon with no one being hurt. Gryo's "mom" was alarmed and very apologetic, but Ron said, "Hey, no big deal."

Just another day in The Country... But we are keeping our eyes open for any signs of equine gang activity.

Occasionally Ron and I still venture into The City – Houston, that is. On a recent Friday evening we attended a big book launch for a client and dear friend, held at a major New-Thought church in Houston. It was a beautiful event with professional musical entertainment and numerous speakers, including some local celebs. Our client sold quite a few books; one person bought 25 copies.

Despite my being at odds with the New-Wage/New-Thought world in so many ways, I am quick to acknowledge that there are some truly lovely people in this church – people who aren't so humorlessly hung up on their "issues," and so devoted to New-Wage gurus, that they are offended by snarks and critics. Ron and I ran into a few folks we hadn't seen in years, who seemed genuinely glad to see us. One in particular, J, has taught one of the church's most popular classes for nearly twenty years. Ron and I had done editorial consulting and layout/design for a couple of his books years ago. J never fails to make me smile and is still the delightful person I remember. He said he was very pleased to see that Ron and I are still doing the book thing.

As we were talking, he asked me what else I was doing these days besides the book biz. I told him about our moving out to The Edge of Nowhere, and, oh, yeah... I mentioned that I have a little hobby blog... "kind of like Cosmic Relief [my old book, with which J is familiar], but slightly meaner, and using real names," I said. He grinned and said, "Good for you!" I told him I am kind of the anti-Christ among some fans of Law of Attraction and The Secret. He said, "Hey, don't call yourself the anti-Christ. Call yourself the Auntie Christ. Auntie Christ and Uncle Buddha!" he said, looking at Ron and grinning again.

Good people everywhere, even at Ground Zero of New-Wage Land.

The announcement you've been waiting for (or not)
But I realize, Dear Ones, that goat birthing, knife-wielding horses, and big book launches are pretty flimsy excuses for my neglecting to announce the winners of the 2010 Scammy Awards. (Yes, I know that transition sucked, worse than I suck at feeding new goats; I could have done a segue involving the New-Thought church, but I'm in somewhat of a hurry.) I wrote about the Scammy Awards briefly in one of my previous posts, and I hope you voted. Anyway, Dr. John Curtis of Americans Against Self-Help Fraud announced the winners during National Guru-Free Week, as promised, but I was otherwise occupied and didn't jump on it. Better two and a half weeks late than never, though.

If you don't know the results already, it might come as somewhat of a surprise to you that this year's runaway winner was not the man who runs those killer seminars and retreats, James Arthur Ray. Oh, he was a runner-up in several categories, and in some cases it was a tie, but he was not the hands-down winner. That honor belongs to one Vianna Stibal, founder of something called Theta Healing, which purports to offer healing for diseases of all kinds.

Here's the complete list of winners of the 2010 Scammys:

• DUMB SPEAK AWARD - given for the most unintelligent thing uttered by a Self-Help Guru!
  Winner: Vianna Stibal, founder of ThetaHealing who claims to have a cure for cancer
  Runner-up: James Arthur Ray, who needs no introduction, just read the arrest records
• HYPOCRITE AWARD - given to the Self-Help guru with the biggest gap between their professed values and how they actually behave!
  Winner: Vianna Stibal
  Runner-up: James Arthur Ray
• DADDY BIG BUCKS AWARD - given to the Self-Help Guru whose lifestyle shows that they are only in it for the money!
  Winner: Vianna Stibal
  Runner-up: Joe Vitale
• HOODWINKED AWARD - given to the Self-Help Guru who did the best job of tricking a celebrity into being their sponsor!
  Winner: Vianna Stibal
  Runner-up: James Arthur Ray
• BI-POLAR AWARD - given to the Self-Help Guru whose promises got the opposite results!
  Winner: James Arthur Ray
• BEST PERFORMANCE IN A MIS-LEADING ROLE AWARD - given to the Self Help Guru who did the best job of deceiving the public!
  Winner: James Arthur Ray
  Runner-up: Vianna Stibal
• BERNIE MADOFF LIFETIME MIS-ACHIEVEMENT AWARD - given to the best, all around Self-Help Guru who did the most to diminish the human race!
  Winners: James Arthur Ray & Vianna Stibal share this year's award

I'm thinking that either not many people voted in this year's Scammys, or Theta Healing – and its founder, Vianna Stibal – have many more detractors than even I had realized. I'm not surprised that James Ray did so well in this year's competition, though Joe's performance was a little disappointing, I must say.

So just who is this Vianna Stibal, anyway? Well, she's a mother, grandmother, and now a New-Wage entrepreneur who claims to have spontaneously healed herself of cancer. She says that what she does is teachable (for a price, of course). She claims that she just hooks up with the Creator of All That Is, and somehow gets the ill or injured person's theta brain waves going, hence the name of the healing method. Some proponents of Theta Healing claim it can be taught in fifteen minutes or less. Here's a link to more information and opinions...
http://ask.metafilter.com/128323/What-to-do-about-a-friend-involved-in-quackery-Theta-Healing

Famed magician and skeptic James Randi offered a few strong opinions about Theta Healing on this video, and mentioned a Utah FOX-TV affiliate station that ran a completely uncritical segment about it.

Theta Healing is not to be confused with Immunics.org, which also claims to have found cures for every disease known to humankind, and then some. (Mr. Fire himself appears to have endorsed Immunics.)

So there you have it: the 2010 Scammy winners. Congratulations to all of you...well, all three of you: Vianna Stibal, James Arthur Ray, and Joe Vitale.

PS ~ In case you're interested, here were Cosmic Connie's pics for the 2010 Scammys (some are repeats of my 2009 choices). In most cases I also 'splained my reasons...

• DUMB SPEAK AWARD - given for the most unintelligent thing uttered by a Self-Help Guru!
  James Arthur Ray (for his many insensitive & nonsensical post-jail Tweets)
• HYPOCRITE AWARD - given to the Self-Help guru with the biggest gap between their professed values and how they actually behave!
  Joe Vitale -- for too many reasons to mention here
• DADDY BIG BUCKS AWARD - given to the Self-Help Guru whose lifestyle shows that they are only in it for the money!
  Joe Vitale -- for obvious reasons
• HOODWINKED AWARD - given to the Self-Help Guru who did the best job of tricking a celebrity into being their sponsor!
  Church of Scientology [okay, that's not a guru but it's a definite force in the New-Wage world]
• BI-POLAR AWARD - given to the Self-Help Guru whose promises got the opposite results!
  James Arthur Ray (for promising that all participants in his 2009 Spiritual Warrior retreat would become "new people." (Becoming a corpse does not count.))
• BEST PERFORMANCE IN A MIS-LEADING ROLE AWARD - given to the Self Help Guru who did the best job of deceiving the public!
  Kevin Trudeau (sorry, PRW)
• BERNIE MADOFF LIFETIME MIS-ACHIEVEMENT AWARD - given to the best, all around Self-Help Guru who did the most to diminish the human race!
  Werner Erhard, for starting it all

There was also a bonus question at the end of the survey, and I answered it.

• What other comments or questions do you have about the 2010 Scammy Awards?
  For future Scammys, there should be a new category: The James Arthur Ray Unintended Consequences Award

So those were my choices. Regarding the bonus question, though, I am thinking that there ought to be an entire new awards program dedicated to James Ray. Call it the James Arthur Ray Sociopathy With a Smile Awards. There are plenty of contenders for that in the New-Wage world, I'd say, although they don't always smile; some throw tantrums on occasion.

'Kay, that's it for now. I'm outta here, but I'll be back in the next day or so with the first of the long-awaited Wink Posts. And this time I really mean it.

So how's your Guru-Free Week going so far?

Well, Dear Ones, here we are smack-dab in the middle of Guru-Free Week, sponsored by Americans Against Self-Help Fraud. The Scammy Award winners have been chosen, as announced on Whirled Musings the other day (and if you don't understand why these people were chosen, following the links on the names will give you some insight). Today we'll celebrate a couple of those "winners."

If you meet the Buddha in a Rolls...
Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale actually won several Scammys, but in my opinion, the most richly (in a manner of speaking) deserved Scammy was the Daddy Big Bucks Award, "for the self-help guru most obviously in it for the money." While Joe has often said that his greatest satisfaction is helping other people realize their dreams and making the world a better place, it appears that he possesses, to put it mildly, a strong mercenary streak.

"And your point is?" I can hear some of the New-Wage marketeers asking. Others will say that my own distorted perspective is to blame for my seeing the money obsession rather than his true heart. Obviously I share that distorted perspective with numerous other members of the "Academy" who voted in the Scammys.

Apropos of that mercenary streak, in recent years Joe has exhibited signs of a progressive personality disorder called carcissism. Evidence of this condition is apparent in his blog posts and Twitter posts, such as this recent Tweet:

Looking at the best magazine cover I've EVER seen. It's hypnotic. Sexy. A-maz-ing. http://www.austinfitmagazine.com

Not surprisingly, he was referring to a cover that featured himself and a Scorpion car much like the one that is being built for him. The Scorpion, which begins at $150,000 US (although the version Joe is buying is $250,000), is touted as a "green" car. The magazine featuring Joe and the Scorpion is one of those freebie newsstand rags called Austin Fit; if you click on the link above you'll get to the Austin Fit web site, and if you click on the picture of Joe you will get to the page that has a link to the interview.

He just can't seem to stop Tweeting about his latest obsession:

I drove Scorpion on airport runway and screamed out loud in exhileration [sic]

Discovery TV loved my off-the-charts love for the Scorpion. They said I reeked lust. heh heh. Driving at screaming speed on a runway did it.

Looking at 25 breathtaking pics of me and the Scorpion http://www.brianfitzsimmons...

The writer/interviewer for Austin Fit describes Joe as "the mind beyond the Law Of Attraction...a man who lives big, bold, and without regrets," and "one of the most environmentally-conscious people you'll ever meet." Uh-huh, that 2008 Rolls-Royce Phantom of his is really a green car. (By the way, when the interviewer asked Joe how many cars he owns, Joe humbly apologized for having to hesitate a moment and count to himself. Joe's best guess is that he has seven cars, so far.)

Speaking of the Rolls, Joe refers in the interview to a pilot with whom he recently had dinner. He said the guy wasn't all that enthusiastic about having dinner with Joe, even though he'd paid five grand to do it. I can only assume the pilot in question was one of Joe's most recent Rolls Royce MasterMind "Phantom Riders." For the benefit of those who don't know, this is a deal whereby Joe charges people five grand each to ride to dinner with him in his Rolls and talk about ways to make money. As he took a husband and wife on a recent MasterMind, I am guessing that the husband was the less-than-enthusiastic pilot to whom he was referring. I'm also guessing – and again, I am just speculating here – that the wife wheedled her hapless mate into dropping ten grand for the two of them to ride in the Rolls. According to Joe, however, by the time the evening ended the reluctant pilot was alight with renewed passion to pursue his dreams.

At any rate, Joe insists that for him, it really isn't just about the money. It's about the spirituality too, you see. As he says in the Austin Fit interview, "I have one foot in the marketing world, and the other in the spiritual world." I imagine that some Buddhists, however, would say that the "spiritual" foot is actually in Joe's mouth (maybe that's one reason he also won a Scammy for Dumb Speak).

In his March 30 blog post entitled "Buddha's Money-Making Secret," he praises a book called The Diamond Cutter: The Buddha on Managing Your Business and Your Life, penned by Geshe Michael Roach, a Buddhist monk whose very status as a monk is controversial at best. The book has so far received mostly five-star reviews on Amazon, though not everyone is enthralled.

But Joe loves it. He writes:

The Diamond Cutter is a practical and reflective book asking you to look at and change the mental imprints in your brain causing you to attract the results you have in your life. This includes whether you have money or not.

Personally I think just repeating the Zero Limits mantra (I love you, I’m sorry, Please forgive me, thank you) non-stop can clean up those mental imprints. But I’m no Buddha. Do what you feel inspired to do.

Now, wait just a doggone minute.

For years Joe was saying that he was the Buddha of the Internet, and there's even a picture to prove it. Now he says that he's no Buddha. My faith has been shaken, once again.

Joe also says he's not a Buddhist, though he's gained insight and value from many of Buddha's teachings. He says he's more of a Transcendentalist. "I enjoy practical metaphysics, which is the take-it-to-the-bank school of philosophy," he writes.

Practical Metaphysics also happens to be the name of one of the companies belonging to one of Joe's joint-venture partners, Pat O'Bryan. Together Pat and Joe have been selling all sorts of tools to help folks create magic and miracles in their lives, or at least in Joe's and Pat's lives. Some of these amazing products are listed on the WealthAttractor.com web site; there are also some eye-opening history lessons on that site, including this one that appears in the description of the Pelmanism product that Joe and Pat are selling:

The Lost Art of Pelmanism

If you're the kind of person who wants to break free from limited thinkin [sic] and finally get whatever you want in life these 12 long lost astonishing e-books written in the 1920's will set you free.

Who knew that there were e-books in the 1920's? I learn something new every day.

I'm no Buddhist either, of course, and I'm far from qualified to go into all of the ways that various New-Wage hustledorks and pseudo-Buddhists subvert this or that teaching. My partner Ron is much more qualified to speak about these things. In fact, he has done so on his blog, Rev Ron's Rants, and I must say that he did it with far more balance, compassion, and eloquence than I can manage at this point.

Unlike many critics, I don't particularly care that the author of The Diamond Cutter, Geshe Michael Roach, still claims to be a monk even though he broke his monkly vows, was ousted from his order, and was even rebuffed by the Dalai Lama. Without a doubt Roach has broken with tradition, doing un-monkish things such as growing his hair long and living with a woman; he claims that he wants to modernize Buddhism and make it, among other things, more inclusive of women. Well, modernization, like charity, begins at home, I suppose, and Roach and his "spiritual partner," Christie McNally, live together in a yurt in the high desert in Arizona. They are literally never more than about fifteen feet away from each other – not ever – but both claim they are living as celibates.

At any rate, I'm all for modernizing religion, though it appears to me that Roach is trying to have his rice cake and eat it too by using traditional Buddhist constructs as they suit him, and yet making his own rules. I can't figure out why he's so intent on holding on to the title of monk – you can be a real Buddhist and still not be celibate, for Chrissake – but I'll leave that squabble to him and the purists.

But, good Goddess, I do get tired of all those New-Wage hustledorks who try to convince everyone that their shtick has been specially blessed from on high, and then write books about it to encourage other New-Wage hustledorks. Regarding Joe's penchant for using Buddhist teachings to justify his own lifestyle, a snarky friend of mine wrote, "Ah, yes, the teachings of the Buddha ... All that talk of money, possessions, fame. The Buddha spoke a lot about those things before he set up his franchising and merchandising operations."

Meanwhile, Transcendentalist Joe is getting ready to go to Peru to speak to a stadium of 35,000 people about the Law Of Attraction. So far he hasn't given many details, other than the fact that he will be meeting the president of Peru (a fact he mentioned on Twitter), but he has hired a tutor to help him learn Spanish, again, as noted on his Twitter page:

Scrambling yet again - Berlitz tutor coming again for three hours of immersion. I'll learn Spanish yet. Adious [sic]!

I guess spelling isn't included in those lessons.

Anyway, congratulations to Joe for winning not one, not two, but three Scammy Awards.

The Wanker of Oz
While Joe Vitale is using Buddhism to help sanctify his very conspicuous consumption, another Scammy Award winner, Aussie David Schirmer, back in Oz after his US tour, is using Christianity for the same purpose. He's currently giving a series of lectures about prosperity, the stock market, and the millionaire mindset at his church, Rhema Melbourne, which is one of those prosperity-oriented institutions that preaches the eternal truth that God wants His children to be rich. David will wrap up the series in November with the one topic on which he is undisputably an expert: “What To Do When Your Business Faces Adversity Or Comes Under Attack.”

In the recent Scammy vote, David received a Hypocrite Award for displaying an enormous gap between expressed beliefs and actual behavior. According to numerous informed sources, in both his professional and personal life he has excelled in deviating from just about everything he teaches about spiritual/religious principles and wealth-building principles.

Regarding the latter, some have claimed that he has yet to actually prove that he can successfully trade. Recently no less than eight of his companies were struck off the register of the Australian Securities and Investment Commission (ASIC). In addition, he has spent a lot of time in court over the past few years, both suing and being sued. Bob Proctor successfully sued him last year in Australia's Federal Court for misleading and deceptive business practices.

Of course he has explanations for all of this, some of which you can see in the comments to this video on YouTube. Among other things, he says he was the one who suggested to Bob that Bob distance himself from Schirmer, due to the fact that a "gutter journalist" was nosing around Schirmer's business. Of Proctor, he wrote, "Bob has yet to fulfill his promises to alot of disappointed people (not just me) – time will take care of that. I have chosen not to settle injustices by taking court action as I believe in abundance for everyone." Uh-huh.

Notwithstanding his questionable trading record as well as other dodgy business dealings, David is getting ready for an international launch of his Complete Stock Market Home Study Course, which is apparently a recycled version of the program he's been selling for a couple of years now. The international launch is one of the deals he was "masterminding" during his recent tour of the United States, when he joined up with the profoundly ethical Internet marketing guru Perry Belcher to plot ways to bring his wisdom to a waiting world. Shortly after returning to Oz, David sent out this email to his list:

Well I'm back from my whirlwind trip around America...

What started as one seminar and one appointment Turned into a wild adventure where we flew all over the country, met a whole bunch of really amazing and influential people and made some fantastic deals...

The whole trip was really a trip powered by faith since we often Had no idea what was next... but as we got there the next step was revealed always just in time... It was incredible!...

...The upshot of all of this is that we masterminded a launch of My Complete Stock Market Home Study Course which is going to Happen in 2 to 3 weeks simultaneously all around the world...

...Now because of all the new promotional partners we have joined forces with we will be launching the Complete Stock Market Home Study Course At a new price point of $4997 US Dollars rather than the current $4997 Australian Dollars.

This means that in 2 weeks the price in Australian dollars will go up To $7619.92 - as per today's exchange rate...

That's more than $2500 more...So if you are serious about wanting to take control of your own Finances, sack your fund manager and retire in 3 - 7 years...If not sooner then I seriously invite you to consider looking at The home study course.

Historically graduates of this course have created around 30% Return on their investments which is more than twice the average Managed fund - with less risk and paying no fees and commissions (except to yourself :-)

www.tradingedge.com.au...

And so on. So if you have five grand to throw around (in US dollars; more than $7,600 in Aussie dollars), and you don't feel up to riding around in Joe's Rolls, you can always spend it on an utterly useless exciting stock market course. Or better yet, just give the five grand to me. It's the right thing to do!

Y'know, whenever I see a comment such as, "The whole trip was really a trip powered by faith," I can't fight the urge to read between the lines. I am guessing that "Powered by faith" is faux-Christian hustledorkspeak for "someone else paid for it." In any case, it seems clear that David Schirmer is now poised to start selling his Home Stock Market Course in America. An anonymous correspondent speculated that since he recently opened a bank account in the US, he'll probably start funneling money to that account and still manage to not pay his debts in Australia. My correspondent suspects that the Schirmers' plan is to build up a nest egg in the US and flee Australia as soon as they have enough to survive on...and the cycle will start all over in the US.

Anyway, congratulations are in order to David Schirmer for his Scammy Award.

Addendum: He's baaaack.... As of 7 April, the whole Schirmer family is in California for a vacation. As I write this, there are Schirmers loose in Disneyland! Disney parks are familiar territory for David...

Gullibalooza alert!
Also falling smack-dab in the the middle of Guru-Free Week, ironically, are two events that promise to be anything but Guru-Free. To begin with, as announced in my recent post about the Maharishi Affectation...er...Effect, there is a big benefit concert in New York City on April 4 (that's tomorrow!), sponsored by the David Lynch Foundation, which, among other things, provides funds to inculcate students with pro-Maharishi propaganda...er...to teach students how to meditate so they can change their world from within. Headlining the concert will be the two surviving Beatles, Paul and Ringo.

If you can't make it to the David Lynch concert, but happen to be in the Dallas, Texas area and have an urge to be surrounded by Gullibaloozas, you'll be pleased to know that the Unity Churh of Dallas is hosting The Conscious Community Expo & Concert, sponsored by The Peace Project. There will be messages, lectures and performances by scads of New-Wage luminaries. According to the write-up on The Peace Project's web site, the rationale behind the big expo/concert is that "a collective, united consciousness has been scientifically proven to manifest results." The event is the culmination of the Peace Project's 10-month-long "Crime Reduction/Peace Enhancement Study" for AGNT (the Association for Global New Thought). One stated purpose of the gala is "to provide each community that uses THE PEACE PROJECT protocol substantial proof that these kind of community events are effective in increasing harmony and reducing crime – without cost to their city." If you've read my "miracles" blog post, or know anything about the Maharishi Effect, that will sound pretty familiar to you.

That's it for now. As Guru-Free Week progresses I will, if I feel like it, celebrate more of the "winners," and perhaps a few of the "also-rans" who made the finals but didn't win a Scammy. Meanwhile, I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend.

The Scammy Award winners

Americans Against Self-Help Fraud has announced the 2009 winners of the SCAMMY Awards, bestowed upon selfish-help/New-Wage gurus for, as AASHF founder Dr. John Curtis puts it, "'excellence'" in shamelessly ripping off Americans with their falsehoods, false hopes, myths & half-truths."

These awards are part of National Guru-Free Week April 1 - 8, 2009.

And the Scammys go to...

• DUMB SPEAK AWARD – given for the most unintelligent thing uttered by a Self-Help Guru: Joe Vitale & runner-up Eckhart Tolle

• HYPOCRITE AWARD – given to the Self-Help guru with the biggest gap between their professed values and how they actually behave: David Schirmer & runner-up Bob Proctor

• DADDY BIG BUCKS AWARD – given to the Self-Help Guru whose lifestyle shows that they are only in it for the money: Joe Vitale

• HOODWINKED AWARD – given to the Self-Help Guru who did the best job of tricking a celebrity into being their sponsor: Rhonda Bryne, runner-up Eckhart Tolle & L. Ron Hubbard (posthumously)

• BI-POLAR AWARD – given to the Self-Help Guru whose promises got the opposite results: Heidi Diaz, promoter of the Kimkins diet (while outside of the usual scope of the Scammy Awards, she received a large "write-in" vote)

• BEST PERFORMANCE IN A MIS-LEADING ROLE AWARD – given to the Self Help Guru who did the best job of deceiving the public: Rhonda Bryne

• BERNIE MADOFF LIFETIME MIS-ACHIEVEMENT AWARD – given to the best, all around Self-Help Guru who did the most to diminish the human race: Joe Vitale & Tony Robbins

My heartiest congratulations go to all of the winners, who worked hard to earn their Scammys. I can't wait to hear their acceptance speeches.

Now, if y'all want to see how I voted (and how I based my decisions), go to the "Comments" section.

By the way, Dr. John Curtis is available for interviews about the Scammy Awards, Guru-Free Week, and Americans Against Self-Help Fraud. 407.493.7323

A few late Sunday snippets

The polls are now closed for the 2009 Scammy Awards, and within the next few days all will be revealed. I can tell you that several of the usual suspects (i.e., some of the most frequent snark targets on this blog) made the finals, as did a couple of surprises. Re the latter, I personally wouldn't have thought to vote for Eileen and Peter Caddy, two of three founders of the Findhorn Community in Scotland. Maybe that's because Findhorn, or at least the idea of Findhorn (I've never actually been there), holds a fond place in my heart...but that's probably a topic for another blog post. (I will confess that years ago, there was a time I was almost convinced that I could sometimes see nature spirits and devas and such, but then again, that was back in my heavy drinking days. I have found that some ideas and belief systems are easier to accept when one is pretty well sloshed. Come to think of it, I was also in Eckankar during that time...but that's a topic for yet another blog post, one that I've had half-finished for nearly two years, as a matter of fact. (Meanwhile, here's something related.))

Anyway, stay tuned for the announcement of the winners during Guru-Free Week, April 1-8, 2009. Meanwhile, here are a few light snippets:

Mystic B-Man gets Biblical on Internet hustledorks
Yesterday I listened to my pal Christopher Locke, of the fabulous Mystic Bourgeoisie blog, in a conversation with Marcus Brown of Germany's Breitenbach und Brown. B& B have an elegant web site, and I would tell you what they do, but – my surname and heritage (on my dad's side) notwithstanding – my German pretty much sucks. Fortunately the interview was in English, and I have to say that for me, it was forty minutes well spent, and not just because Chris mentioned my name and my blog. (In fact, I was already well into listening to the interview, and thoroughly enjoying it, when Chris sent me an email telling me he'd mentioned me.)

Before he was Mr. Mystic B, Chris was one of those who had more than a clue, early on, of some of the profound ways in which the Internet would change our world, including and especially our way of doing business. Along with three other prognosticators, he wrote a well-received book called The Cluetrain Manifesto: The End of Business As Usual, which came out almost exactly ten years ago. Chris, whom Amazon Reviews described as "a smart, witty, broadly read cyberpundit," also penned Gonzo Marketing: Winning Through Worst Practices. Chris' work has once again come into vogue, and the impression I got from listening to the interview yesterday was that some of today's social media marketers are waving his books around and, as Marcus Brown expressed it when talking to Chris, taking them in vain.

Both Cluetrain and Gonzo Marketing, of course, were published years before Twitter and other time-wasters became so ragingly popular, and some of the stuff is a bit dated now. The good news, as Chris announced on the interview, is that a revised and updated tenth-anniversary edition of The Cluetrain Manifesto is coming out soon (June 29, to be exact). You can pre-order it now. (And no, I'm not getting any compensation for mentioning this.)

I found the conversation between Chris and Marcus very entertaining, particularly when Chris jokingly employed a few Biblical references while talking about those annoying Internet marketers who are constantly selling advice about how to sell advice about how to sell advice, but, of course, are really selling nothing. They're just taking your money and using it to buy expensive crap for themselves. Or, as Marcus put it, invoking the late Gertrude Stein, "There's no there there." Some of them, of course, are making boatloads of money selling nothing, and I think you know the type I'm talking about. When Chris, waxing Biblical, compared these folks to a plague of locusts that swarm in through doors and cracks and crevices, landing everywhere, I couldn't help but laugh out loud. I also couldn't help thinking of Aussie Secret star David Schirmer's ventures with his new b.f.f. Perry Belcher. Both were at the recent StomperNet Live gathering in Atlantis...oh, we can only wish. I mean Atlanta.

Anyoo, if you have forty minutes to spend, and don't mind the occasional use of the f-word (I don't mind it myself, though I am sort of prudish about using it on my blog), give this a listen. By the way, Chris and Marcus plan to make these conversations a regular event.

Software for suckers...er...seekers
Speaking of Chris, he sent me a link to an absolutely amazing piece of software, tailor-made for a new generation of seekers. I give you the Dream Manifestation Kit, which allows you to "use the quantum method to unleash your full potential and live the life you always dreamed about." With this kit, you simply "write your own success formula in less than 5 minutes. Set it on autopilot and watch your goals, desires and dreams manifest in the next 90 days."

Well, I thought that one good inspiration deserves another, so I sent Chris a link to yet another piece of astonishing software, the Attractor Genie. Here's what it says on the site:

Never before has ANYONE been able to deliver the kind of results that are available via this radical technology. Here is a partial list of what you can expect when using Attractor Genie as directed:

• ALL your limiting money beliefs will be erased - AUTOMATICALLY
• Your ability to be broke will vanish - AUTOMATICALLY
• Money will never again be a problem - AUTOMATICALLY
• You will end procrastination forever - AUTOMATICALLY
• You will live the life of your dreams - on your terms - starting today
• And so much more...

Who knew that being broke was an ability? Anyway, folks, this is gen-yoo-ine Law Of Attraction software, and I know it's got to be the real thing, because it is prominently advertised on this site, which features Joe Vitale's Law of Attraction videos. (Joe sells amazing software of his own, such as his Hypnotic Writing Wizard, which shows you how to write good without even thinking about it. Skeptico recently paid loving tribute to this masterful invention on his own blog.)

Isn't it gratifying to know that there are a few brilliant folks out there selling powerful tools for us to manifest the life of our dreams, with no more effort than a mouse click or two?

Say it ain't so, O(bama)
No, I'm not even remotely ready to give up on President Obama. But this article on the site of the above-mentioned Dream Manifestation Kit gave me a moment's pause.

Obama Administration Seeks Advice From Evolutionary Leaders

By Thomas Herold in Evolution on March 28th, 2009 / No Comments

The Obama Administration has asked the “Evolutionary Leaders” to communicate about what is transpiring on the planet, and how we can change the course of the unprecedented events that are challenging this planet. This is a window of opportunity for this information to be conveyed to the Obama Administration.

The Evolutionary Leaders like Deepak Chopra, Gregg Braden, Michael Beckwith and many, many others, gathered together to write up the information to present to the Obama Administration. They are also asking us to sign a petition to show the Administration how many people are in favor for these changes to occur. They need 10,000 signatures. We need your help to reach that number and beyond! Below is the information presented to the New Administration.

The petition link can be found here.

But wait...there's more! Visitors to the site get a chance to make a pledge to be SNAGs (Sensitive New Age Guys (or Gals)) themselves:

THE PLEDGE
I join with Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, Jean Houston, and other evolutionary leaders to pledge to make my conscious evolution an important part of my life, and in so doing help make the world a better place.

Of course, Obama has said he wants to hear from everyone, and that, I suppose, includes New-Wage hustledorks and random SNAGs. Besides, "the Obama Administration" could just refer to some nameless SNAG-ish office assistant to an assistant to an assistant in the Obama Administration. But if this kind of stuff continues, I am going to have to seriously consider changing my party affiliation. The Silly Party is looking better all the time.

Well, that's it for now, Dear Ones. I'll be back soon with much more.

Scammy Awards: last chance to vote

It's not too late to vote in the 2009 Scammy Awards, sponsored by Dr. John Curtis of Americans Against Self-Help Fraud. I previously reported that the deadline was 21 March, but I checked with Dr. Curtis, and he said that the hard deadline is midnight EDT, Sunday, 29 March. So you still have a few hours.

And despite the name of the organization sponsoring the awards, you don't have to be American to vote. After all, selfish-help/New-Wage scamming is no respecter of national borders. In fact, I think some of you Aussies out there will be interested to know that one of your countrymen has made the finals, according to Dr. Curtis.

Winners will all be announced during National Guru-Free Week, April 1-8, 2009. Don't miss your chance to participate in this vote. Or, in the words of Dr. Curtis, "Please do your part to ensure that these Self Help Gurus receive the attention they deserve."

Once again, here are the categories:

1. DUMB SPEAK AWARD: given for the most unintelligent thing uttered by a Self-Help Guru
2. HYPOCRITE AWARD: given to the Self-Help Guru with the biggest gap between their professed values and how they actually behave
3. DADDY BIG BUCKS AWARD: given to the Self-Help Guru whose lifestyle shows that they are only in it for the money
4. HOODWINKED AWARD: given to the Self-Help Guru who did the best job of tricking a celebrity into being their sponsor
5. BI-POLAR AWARD: given to the Self-Help Guru whose promises got the opposite results
6. BEST PERFORMANCE IN A MIS-LEADING ROLE AWARD: given to the Self Help Guru who did the best job of deceiving the public
7. BERNIE MADOFF LIFETIME MIS-ACHIEVEMENT AWARD: given to the best, all around Self-Help Guru who did the most to diminish the human race

You can click here to get to the ballot, or on the graphic above.

Have fun!

More about the Scammy Awards...and Guru-Free Week

First up: Just in case the link to the official voting site for Dr. John Curtis' Scammy Awards got buried in my past couple of posts, I'm announcing it again. The categories have apparently been solidified, and yes, I know I wrote the other day that categories were still open, because at that time I thought they were. While there doesn't seem to be a way to write them in on the official survey form, perhaps you can still suggest categories by writing directly to John Curtis at the email address appearing on the Self-Help Fraud web site, jcurtis@iodinc.com.

Here are the categories:

1. DUMB SPEAK AWARD: given for the most unintelligent thing uttered by a Self-Help Guru
2. HYPOCRITE AWARD: given to the Self-Help guru with the biggest gap between their professed values and how they actually behave
3. DADDY BIG BUCKS AWARD: given to the Self-Help Guru whose lifestyle shows that they are only in it for the money
4. HOODWINKED AWARD: given to the Self-Help Guru who did the best job of tricking a celebrity into being their sponsor
5. BI-POLAR AWARD: given to the Self-Help Guru whose promises got the opposite results
6. BEST PERFORMANCE IN A MIS-LEADING ROLE AWARD: given to the Self Help Guru who did the best job of deceiving the public
7. BERNIE MADOFF LIFETIME MIS-ACHIEVEMENT AWARD: given to the best, all around Self-Help Guru who did the most to diminish the human race

According to information on the official ballot site, the deadline for nominations is 21 March, 2009.

So go ahead: cast your vote here.

John Curtis is a social science researcher and the founder of Americans Against Self-Help Fraud. He is also the brains behind the second annual Guru-Free Week, (April 1-8, 2009), a proposed week-long moratorium on watching or listening to any of the self-appointed gurus who so influence American life, e.g., Oprah, Dr. Phil, or any of scads of self-help, new-age types.

Actually, in one of Dr. Curtis' email blasts he included Rush Limbaugh in the rogues' gallery of gurus to be avoided during Guru-Free Week. While that's getting more into politics than selfish-help/New-Wage stuff, and therefore is normally beyond the scope of my own blog, Rush's influence is undeniable. (My new pal Xanadu Xero recently weighed in, so to speak, about Rush on her blog.)

Anyway. Even though Dr. Curtis calls his organization Americans Against Self-Help Fraud, you don't have to be American to join, or to participate in the Scammys or the Guru-Free moratorium. After all, as we all know, the gurus' influence is worldwide.

So... spread the word...around the country, and around the world!

A late Friday snippet break

It's a busy Friday, but there's always time for a few snarky snippets.

Big thoughts on education
The Buddha of the Internet – that would be Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale – has some bold visions for the future of education. The following is from a four-page article in the Feb/Mar 2009 edition of what has to be the quintessential hustledork publication, Think Big. I'm leaving the Brit-English spelling intact.

One of Joe's mantras is that the more education you have, the better you will be prepared for life's challenges. And this doesn't necessarily mean institutionalised education, for although Joe went to Kent State University in Ohio and has received two doctorates, he considers himself self-taught.

"The education and wisdom has [sic] come from the dedication to growing, stretching, and awakening," Joe says. "I put myself on more of a self-study course than any school system would ever have done."

Yet he believes the type of education he has dedicated himself to should be taught in schools, particularly in the current global financial climate. What better way to educate children to be successful than by empowering them at an early age in institutions that are traditionally conservative.

"The number one thing to do in schools is to introduce success literature," Joe iterates. "They need to teach empowerment on thinking big, co-creating their own reality even if it's at kindergarten level. Some of this goes into quantum physics, but for the most part just introducing success literature and that whole body of work that has evolved from the 1800s, from Emerson to Hill and W. Clement Stone and my own work hopefully, that would get people thinking differently.

"People are ready for this," he continues. "We are stretching because we are open to something new. We're saying what we have been doing for centuries isn't working and I think there's an opening because of that. I think the current chaos has created this window of opportunity where we can say, "hey, look, we've tried everything else, what about meditating in school, or reading success literature; have we tried 'consciousness creates reality' programs in school.

"We have all these tools now to assist this shift. Movies like The Secret, Opus, Leap, Try It On Everything, and The Awakeners, all of these are the visual tools that people need today because they are lazy and for the most part don't want to read. Now they can just slide in a DVD and get reprogrammed and realise that if they think big and take action they can get results."

Joe just happens to be in all of those "movies" that he mentioned.

Setting aside what could be either a completely inadvertent or totally disingenuous misrepresentation of Joe's "doctorates," let's get to some of the real issues here. Imagine, if you will, classrooms full of kids being compelled to read The Attractor Factor. My first thought was that maybe they'd better skip over that chapter about the shocking true story of "Jonathan." My second thought was that Joe's placement of his own work in the same category as that of Emerson was...hmmm...I'm looking for a word here...maybe a tad presumptuous.

And imagine your boys and girls having to watch The Secret in class, or that Try It On Everything tapping moviemercial. (Advance warning for parents of kids exposed to this movie: If you catch Johnny compulsively tapping his wrist and chest and forehead while talking out loud to himself, this doesn't necessarily mean it's time to put him on medication, but I'd keep a close watch on the kid anyway.)

Picture your kids being spoon-fed the New-Wagers' seriously dumbed-down, magicked-up version of quantum physics (speaking of which, I noticed Joe didn't mention What The Bleep Do We Know? when he was naming "movies," but maybe that's just because he wasn't in that one). And visualize your children being aggressively but lovingly "encouraged" to participate in group meditations.

Are you excited yet?

Hey, I'm all for educational reform and updating our school systems so that they better prepare kids for the real world. But the emphasis is on "real." If selfish-help stuff...um...I mean, "success literature"...were to be taught in schools as Joe seems to be suggesting, I would hope that the lot of it would be elective rather than part of the required curriculum. I think parents should at least have a choice about whether their kids are exposed to junk science and McSpirituality from self-serving hucksters.

Anyway, the above was just a small part of the article. At the very end there's a bit on Joe's satori experiences that led to his "discovery" of the fourth stage of permanent Awakening "where the ego dissolves." This is the state in which Joe claims he now lives. He says, "I believe that the hell I went through in childhood to get to this lifestyle happened because I was going to be the guy to map out the four stages of Awakening." There's nothing like a sense of destiny to go with your hubris.

Here's a link to the issue containing the article; you have to enable JavaScript in order to view it properly. Be sure to clean your computer afterward; and I don't mean by saying, "Thank you, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me." I suggest you use AdAware or some other anti-spyware utility to get the cookies and other unwanted stuff out.

"The silliest ever known among men..."
Speaking of "success literature," my friend Christopher Locke at Mystic Bourgeoisie sent me an email with a link that a reader had sent to him. The link is to a piece called "The Fallacy of Success," written in the early 1900s by G.K. Chesterton. Who knew the hustledorks had such a lineage!" Chris wrote. The piece begins:

There has appeared in our time a particular class of books and articles which I sincerely and solemnly think may be called the silliest ever known among men. They are much more wild than the wildest romances of chivalry and much more dull than the dullest religious tract. Moreover, the romances of chivalry were at least about chivalry; the religious tracts are about religion. But these things are about nothing; they are about what is called Success. On every bookstall, in every magazine, you may find works telling people how to succeed. They are books showing men how to succeed in everything; they are written by men who cannot even succeed in writing books. To begin with, of course, there is no such thing as Success. Or, if you like to put it so, there is nothing that is not successful. That a thing is successful merely means that it is; a millionaire is successful in being a millionaire and a donkey in being a donkey...

Here's the link.

I Meta-Secret the other day...
In August of 2008, I blogged about the New-Wage moviemercial, The Meta-Secret, which apparently has yet to be released. Since that blog post, The Meta-Secret official web site has up and moved. It's now here.

I have to say that the trailer is a classic in the making. Here we have not mere hustledork cinema, but really, really cheesy hustledork cinema. And I have a feeling we're going to be seeing more of this kind of stuff as more New-Wage moviemercials try to incorporate actual plots as well as talking-head segments.

In all fairness, however, I must once again ask my traditional question: Is this actually a parody, and is the joke really on me?

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, Crap Is From Gray
Simmering on the back burner of my Whirled for several weeks was a little tidbit about John "Mars and Venus" Gray's entry into the field of nutrition. This really isn't the newest of news, but it's worth a nod on this blog, and I've not really done that till now. What prompted me to finally bring it to the front burner was an email I received yesterday from an alert reader who directed me to a delightful blog called Small Bites, written by nutrition expert Andy Bellatti. Andy, who is going for his masters degree (at a real university, I might add), wrote about Gray in a recent post, defiantly referring to him as "Mr." Gray, and even linking to an article that discusses Gray's questionable doctorate. Here's a snippet from Andy's post:

Although Mr. Gray claims the "effortless weight loss" (15 pounds a week, he claims!) is due to the magic ingredients in his shake, it's clear that the "magic" is simple caloric deprivation.

How can you NOT lose weight if your only solid meal of the day is a salad and your other two meals each consist of one scoop of powder and eight ounces of water?

Despite all the fantastic claims, the small print at the bottom of his website reads "John Gray's Mars & Venus LLC does NOT guarantee weight loss."

Hmmmm... interesting how he never mentions that in his breathless infomercials where he mentions how "life changing" his shakes have been!

Now we come to my favorite part -- the head-scratching nutrition-related statements.

The weight loss cleanse prohibits the intake of any dairy, yet the shakes -- which are a significant part of the cleanse -- contain whey protein!

Newsflash, Mr. Gray, whey protein is a dairy protein!

Read the rest here.

It seems that these days, anyone who has a proven track record of churning out a bestseller or two on one trendy topic feels at liberty to expand the brand and become the go-to guy or gal on just about any other trendy topic. John Gray is a prime example of this phenomenon; after tackling dating, sex, marriage and child rearing, he has branched out into nutrition and health. He has an entire web site devoted to health the Gray way, on which he markets a line of shakes and nutritional supplements, and promotes his "wellness retreats." On these retreats you will not only learn new communication techniques, but "Dr." Gray will lead you through "a gentle and powerful cleanse by utilizing the Mars Venus Wellness Solution." Severe caloric deprivation and internal cleansing in the presence of one of the great egos of the New Wage: what a romantic way for a couple to spend a few days together! If you're having problems with regularity, it might be just the ticket. Crap in, crap out, as the saying goes...

By the way, I've previously tackled Mr. Gray on my own blog, reproducing an old ad parody I created many years ago. The parody was lifted from my BLP (book-like product), Cosmic Relief, which I once tried to get Houston's oldest and most famous metaphysical book store to carry. The person I approached was the co-owner of the store, who happened to be Gray's late mother, Virginia Gray. For some odd reason, she chose not to carry my book. In case you don't know it, here's the story.

True-dough revisited
As my alert correspondent of yesterday pointed out, the above-mentioned Andy Bellatti has also devoted blog space to the infamous serial scammer Kevin Trudeau on several occasions. In an April 2008 post Andy shed some light on why True-dough emphasizes the importance of home-cooked meals over prepackaged meals. It's all due to the love that goes into homemade food. Here's the science behind it, according to Kevin:

The energy a person adds to food by preparing it himself actually causes the electrons in the food to spin in different directions, causing a much healthier product for the body.

Well, as I noted in my reply to my correspondent, Trudeau of all people is an expert on spin.

Here's a link that will take you to all of Andy Bellati's blog posts on Kevin Trudeau.

"I think I might have found Hustledork Central..."
That was the subject line of a recent email I received from the aforementioned Christopher Locke. And after reviewing this link he sent, which takes you to a site called MyInternetMarketingExpert.net, I think Chris may be right. He added that a Google search for MyInternetMarketingExpert yielded over nine million results, but noted that these two were the kickers:
http://www.shockinstitute.com/
http://www.shockinstitute.net/

The brains behind all of this Internet amazingness is one Philippe Matthews, aka "Rev. SHOCK," who describes himself as the "Spiritual Director of The SHOCKphilosophy Institute of Advanced Manifestation and Moderator of The SHOCKforum." SHOCK is an acronym for Seeking Higher Omnipotent Conscious Knowledge, and the SHOCK Institute is described as "A Virtual University Dedicated to Teaching The Advanced Laws of The Universe." It sure looks to me like one-stop shopping (or SHOCKing) for all of your hustledork-drivel needs!

Xero state
Finally, for those who like their guru-skewering and pop culture commentary seasoned with a hearty dose of wildly irreverent wordplay, I direct you to the blog of Xanadu Xero, who hails from "Hell Lay, Callowpornia, United States." Xero describes herself as "a middle-aged, bottle blond, faux negro Beverly Hills JAP, activist manque, menopausal mutant, college drop-out, alloyed Yippie, vice enthusiast and Yale mom." Check out her blog at http://www.xanaduxero.blogspot.com/

That's it for now; I have to get back to work. Wait, the work day's over; it's almost time for dinner. Anyway, before I go I want to remind you to cast your votes for the 2009 Scammy Awards, as recently announced by Dr. John Curtis of Americans Against Self-Help Fraud. As you may recall, I wrote about it here a couple of days ago, but this is the official survey form. (C'mon, people, I'm giving you lots of good material here!)