More about the Scammy Awards...and Guru-Free Week

First up: Just in case the link to the official voting site for Dr. John Curtis' Scammy Awards got buried in my past couple of posts, I'm announcing it again. The categories have apparently been solidified, and yes, I know I wrote the other day that categories were still open, because at that time I thought they were. While there doesn't seem to be a way to write them in on the official survey form, perhaps you can still suggest categories by writing directly to John Curtis at the email address appearing on the Self-Help Fraud web site, jcurtis@iodinc.com.

Here are the categories:

1. DUMB SPEAK AWARD: given for the most unintelligent thing uttered by a Self-Help Guru
2. HYPOCRITE AWARD: given to the Self-Help guru with the biggest gap between their professed values and how they actually behave
3. DADDY BIG BUCKS AWARD: given to the Self-Help Guru whose lifestyle shows that they are only in it for the money
4. HOODWINKED AWARD: given to the Self-Help Guru who did the best job of tricking a celebrity into being their sponsor
5. BI-POLAR AWARD: given to the Self-Help Guru whose promises got the opposite results
6. BEST PERFORMANCE IN A MIS-LEADING ROLE AWARD: given to the Self Help Guru who did the best job of deceiving the public
7. BERNIE MADOFF LIFETIME MIS-ACHIEVEMENT AWARD: given to the best, all around Self-Help Guru who did the most to diminish the human race

According to information on the official ballot site, the deadline for nominations is 21 March, 2009.

So go ahead: cast your vote here.

John Curtis is a social science researcher and the founder of Americans Against Self-Help Fraud. He is also the brains behind the second annual Guru-Free Week, (April 1-8, 2009), a proposed week-long moratorium on watching or listening to any of the self-appointed gurus who so influence American life, e.g., Oprah, Dr. Phil, or any of scads of self-help, new-age types.

Actually, in one of Dr. Curtis' email blasts he included Rush Limbaugh in the rogues' gallery of gurus to be avoided during Guru-Free Week. While that's getting more into politics than selfish-help/New-Wage stuff, and therefore is normally beyond the scope of my own blog, Rush's influence is undeniable. (My new pal Xanadu Xero recently weighed in, so to speak, about Rush on her blog.)

Anyway. Even though Dr. Curtis calls his organization Americans Against Self-Help Fraud, you don't have to be American to join, or to participate in the Scammys or the Guru-Free moratorium. After all, as we all know, the gurus' influence is worldwide.

So... spread the word...around the country, and around the world!

A late Friday snippet break

It's a busy Friday, but there's always time for a few snarky snippets.

Big thoughts on education
The Buddha of the Internet – that would be Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale – has some bold visions for the future of education. The following is from a four-page article in the Feb/Mar 2009 edition of what has to be the quintessential hustledork publication, Think Big. I'm leaving the Brit-English spelling intact.

One of Joe's mantras is that the more education you have, the better you will be prepared for life's challenges. And this doesn't necessarily mean institutionalised education, for although Joe went to Kent State University in Ohio and has received two doctorates, he considers himself self-taught.

"The education and wisdom has [sic] come from the dedication to growing, stretching, and awakening," Joe says. "I put myself on more of a self-study course than any school system would ever have done."

Yet he believes the type of education he has dedicated himself to should be taught in schools, particularly in the current global financial climate. What better way to educate children to be successful than by empowering them at an early age in institutions that are traditionally conservative.

"The number one thing to do in schools is to introduce success literature," Joe iterates. "They need to teach empowerment on thinking big, co-creating their own reality even if it's at kindergarten level. Some of this goes into quantum physics, but for the most part just introducing success literature and that whole body of work that has evolved from the 1800s, from Emerson to Hill and W. Clement Stone and my own work hopefully, that would get people thinking differently.

"People are ready for this," he continues. "We are stretching because we are open to something new. We're saying what we have been doing for centuries isn't working and I think there's an opening because of that. I think the current chaos has created this window of opportunity where we can say, "hey, look, we've tried everything else, what about meditating in school, or reading success literature; have we tried 'consciousness creates reality' programs in school.

"We have all these tools now to assist this shift. Movies like The Secret, Opus, Leap, Try It On Everything, and The Awakeners, all of these are the visual tools that people need today because they are lazy and for the most part don't want to read. Now they can just slide in a DVD and get reprogrammed and realise that if they think big and take action they can get results."

Joe just happens to be in all of those "movies" that he mentioned.

Setting aside what could be either a completely inadvertent or totally disingenuous misrepresentation of Joe's "doctorates," let's get to some of the real issues here. Imagine, if you will, classrooms full of kids being compelled to read The Attractor Factor. My first thought was that maybe they'd better skip over that chapter about the shocking true story of "Jonathan." My second thought was that Joe's placement of his own work in the same category as that of Emerson was...hmmm...I'm looking for a word here...maybe a tad presumptuous.

And imagine your boys and girls having to watch The Secret in class, or that Try It On Everything tapping moviemercial. (Advance warning for parents of kids exposed to this movie: If you catch Johnny compulsively tapping his wrist and chest and forehead while talking out loud to himself, this doesn't necessarily mean it's time to put him on medication, but I'd keep a close watch on the kid anyway.)

Picture your kids being spoon-fed the New-Wagers' seriously dumbed-down, magicked-up version of quantum physics (speaking of which, I noticed Joe didn't mention What The Bleep Do We Know? when he was naming "movies," but maybe that's just because he wasn't in that one). And visualize your children being aggressively but lovingly "encouraged" to participate in group meditations.

Are you excited yet?

Hey, I'm all for educational reform and updating our school systems so that they better prepare kids for the real world. But the emphasis is on "real." If selfish-help stuff...um...I mean, "success literature"...were to be taught in schools as Joe seems to be suggesting, I would hope that the lot of it would be elective rather than part of the required curriculum. I think parents should at least have a choice about whether their kids are exposed to junk science and McSpirituality from self-serving hucksters.

Anyway, the above was just a small part of the article. At the very end there's a bit on Joe's satori experiences that led to his "discovery" of the fourth stage of permanent Awakening "where the ego dissolves." This is the state in which Joe claims he now lives. He says, "I believe that the hell I went through in childhood to get to this lifestyle happened because I was going to be the guy to map out the four stages of Awakening." There's nothing like a sense of destiny to go with your hubris.

Here's a link to the issue containing the article; you have to enable JavaScript in order to view it properly. Be sure to clean your computer afterward; and I don't mean by saying, "Thank you, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me." I suggest you use AdAware or some other anti-spyware utility to get the cookies and other unwanted stuff out.

"The silliest ever known among men..."
Speaking of "success literature," my friend Christopher Locke at Mystic Bourgeoisie sent me an email with a link that a reader had sent to him. The link is to a piece called "The Fallacy of Success," written in the early 1900s by G.K. Chesterton. Who knew the hustledorks had such a lineage!" Chris wrote. The piece begins:

There has appeared in our time a particular class of books and articles which I sincerely and solemnly think may be called the silliest ever known among men. They are much more wild than the wildest romances of chivalry and much more dull than the dullest religious tract. Moreover, the romances of chivalry were at least about chivalry; the religious tracts are about religion. But these things are about nothing; they are about what is called Success. On every bookstall, in every magazine, you may find works telling people how to succeed. They are books showing men how to succeed in everything; they are written by men who cannot even succeed in writing books. To begin with, of course, there is no such thing as Success. Or, if you like to put it so, there is nothing that is not successful. That a thing is successful merely means that it is; a millionaire is successful in being a millionaire and a donkey in being a donkey...

Here's the link.

I Meta-Secret the other day...
In August of 2008, I blogged about the New-Wage moviemercial, The Meta-Secret, which apparently has yet to be released. Since that blog post, The Meta-Secret official web site has up and moved. It's now here.

I have to say that the trailer is a classic in the making. Here we have not mere hustledork cinema, but really, really cheesy hustledork cinema. And I have a feeling we're going to be seeing more of this kind of stuff as more New-Wage moviemercials try to incorporate actual plots as well as talking-head segments.

In all fairness, however, I must once again ask my traditional question: Is this actually a parody, and is the joke really on me?

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, Crap Is From Gray
Simmering on the back burner of my Whirled for several weeks was a little tidbit about John "Mars and Venus" Gray's entry into the field of nutrition. This really isn't the newest of news, but it's worth a nod on this blog, and I've not really done that till now. What prompted me to finally bring it to the front burner was an email I received yesterday from an alert reader who directed me to a delightful blog called Small Bites, written by nutrition expert Andy Bellatti. Andy, who is going for his masters degree (at a real university, I might add), wrote about Gray in a recent post, defiantly referring to him as "Mr." Gray, and even linking to an article that discusses Gray's questionable doctorate. Here's a snippet from Andy's post:

Although Mr. Gray claims the "effortless weight loss" (15 pounds a week, he claims!) is due to the magic ingredients in his shake, it's clear that the "magic" is simple caloric deprivation.

How can you NOT lose weight if your only solid meal of the day is a salad and your other two meals each consist of one scoop of powder and eight ounces of water?

Despite all the fantastic claims, the small print at the bottom of his website reads "John Gray's Mars & Venus LLC does NOT guarantee weight loss."

Hmmmm... interesting how he never mentions that in his breathless infomercials where he mentions how "life changing" his shakes have been!

Now we come to my favorite part -- the head-scratching nutrition-related statements.

The weight loss cleanse prohibits the intake of any dairy, yet the shakes -- which are a significant part of the cleanse -- contain whey protein!

Newsflash, Mr. Gray, whey protein is a dairy protein!

Read the rest here.

It seems that these days, anyone who has a proven track record of churning out a bestseller or two on one trendy topic feels at liberty to expand the brand and become the go-to guy or gal on just about any other trendy topic. John Gray is a prime example of this phenomenon; after tackling dating, sex, marriage and child rearing, he has branched out into nutrition and health. He has an entire web site devoted to health the Gray way, on which he markets a line of shakes and nutritional supplements, and promotes his "wellness retreats." On these retreats you will not only learn new communication techniques, but "Dr." Gray will lead you through "a gentle and powerful cleanse by utilizing the Mars Venus Wellness Solution." Severe caloric deprivation and internal cleansing in the presence of one of the great egos of the New Wage: what a romantic way for a couple to spend a few days together! If you're having problems with regularity, it might be just the ticket. Crap in, crap out, as the saying goes...

By the way, I've previously tackled Mr. Gray on my own blog, reproducing an old ad parody I created many years ago. The parody was lifted from my BLP (book-like product), Cosmic Relief, which I once tried to get Houston's oldest and most famous metaphysical book store to carry. The person I approached was the co-owner of the store, who happened to be Gray's late mother, Virginia Gray. For some odd reason, she chose not to carry my book. In case you don't know it, here's the story.

True-dough revisited
As my alert correspondent of yesterday pointed out, the above-mentioned Andy Bellatti has also devoted blog space to the infamous serial scammer Kevin Trudeau on several occasions. In an April 2008 post Andy shed some light on why True-dough emphasizes the importance of home-cooked meals over prepackaged meals. It's all due to the love that goes into homemade food. Here's the science behind it, according to Kevin:

The energy a person adds to food by preparing it himself actually causes the electrons in the food to spin in different directions, causing a much healthier product for the body.

Well, as I noted in my reply to my correspondent, Trudeau of all people is an expert on spin.

Here's a link that will take you to all of Andy Bellati's blog posts on Kevin Trudeau.

"I think I might have found Hustledork Central..."
That was the subject line of a recent email I received from the aforementioned Christopher Locke. And after reviewing this link he sent, which takes you to a site called MyInternetMarketingExpert.net, I think Chris may be right. He added that a Google search for MyInternetMarketingExpert yielded over nine million results, but noted that these two were the kickers:
http://www.shockinstitute.com/
http://www.shockinstitute.net/

The brains behind all of this Internet amazingness is one Philippe Matthews, aka "Rev. SHOCK," who describes himself as the "Spiritual Director of The SHOCKphilosophy Institute of Advanced Manifestation and Moderator of The SHOCKforum." SHOCK is an acronym for Seeking Higher Omnipotent Conscious Knowledge, and the SHOCK Institute is described as "A Virtual University Dedicated to Teaching The Advanced Laws of The Universe." It sure looks to me like one-stop shopping (or SHOCKing) for all of your hustledork-drivel needs!

Xero state
Finally, for those who like their guru-skewering and pop culture commentary seasoned with a hearty dose of wildly irreverent wordplay, I direct you to the blog of Xanadu Xero, who hails from "Hell Lay, Callowpornia, United States." Xero describes herself as "a middle-aged, bottle blond, faux negro Beverly Hills JAP, activist manque, menopausal mutant, college drop-out, alloyed Yippie, vice enthusiast and Yale mom." Check out her blog at http://www.xanaduxero.blogspot.com/

That's it for now; I have to get back to work. Wait, the work day's over; it's almost time for dinner. Anyway, before I go I want to remind you to cast your votes for the 2009 Scammy Awards, as recently announced by Dr. John Curtis of Americans Against Self-Help Fraud. As you may recall, I wrote about it here a couple of days ago, but this is the official survey form. (C'mon, people, I'm giving you lots of good material here!)

The 2009 Scammy Awards: it's not too late to vote!

A few weeks ago I received an email from John Curtis, founder of Americans Against Self-Help Fraud! The purpose of the email was to announce the second annual edition of an awards program that John created last year as an adjunct to his National Guru-Free Week, which is April 1-8. And yes, there is a significance to the fact that Guru-Free Week begins on April Fools Day. (Here's a link to a press release about last year's National Guru-Free Week.)

Being preoccupied with my real work as well as my serious investigative non-journalistic pursuits of other matters of consequence, I let John's email slide, but everything worked out all right anyway. As it happens, he also sent an email to Steve Salerno at SHAMblog, and Steve didn't let it slide. Here's the link to Steve's post about the matter.

At this point the Scammy Awards are still wide open for categories as well as nominees. Some of John's suggestions for categories are:

• Dumbest Thing Said by a self-Help Guru
• Most Hypocritical Self-Help Guru
• Worst Sequel to a Self-Help Book
• Least Likely to be a True Self-Help Premise
• Self-Help Product Most Clearly Done Just for the Cash
• The Deepak Chopra Lifetime Confusion Award
• Biggest Celebrity Sucker (Who Bought and Then Promoted a Load of New Age Crap)
• Biggest Promise That Will Not Be Delivered Upon

You are, of course, welcome to add your own categories and nominees. Steve is now receiving suggestions at SHAMblog, which he will compile and forward to John.

Not surprisingly, I have a few categories to add, which I shared on SHAMblog. I'll recap my nominations here.

To begin with, I think there should be a category for Most Creative/Profitable Use of Imaginary Friends. The obvious front runners would be Esther and Jerry Hicks and their Imaginary-Pals collective, Abraham. Even though they were, for all practical purposes, ousted from The Secret due to Rhonda Byrne's greed, they continue to rake in the really big bucks, holding lavish Abraham-Hicks cruises every year. As Jerry and Esther themselves put it on the web page describing their 2009 Tahiti cruise, "We keep saying this----It just can't get any better than this! (But we know that somehow it will!)."

Another stunning success story in the Imaginary-Friends industry is JZ Knight and her old (literally; he's over 35,000) pal Ramtha. JZ has exclusive rights to Ramtha and even successfully sued someone else who claimed to be channeling him. She has made many millions of dollars convincing people that Ramtha is real, and as many may recall, the two of them were a major part of the hit New-Wage moviemercial, What The Bleep Do We Know? The blurb about Ramtha on the "Scientists" page of the official What The Bleep web site says, "[Ramtha's] partnership with American woman JZ Knight, his channel, still baffles scholars." (No, Bleepers, what baffles scholars is the fact that so many people apparently believe Ramtha is real – a belief that enabled his wily inventor to evolve from trailer park resident to multimillionaire. I GOTTA find me a scam.)

A newer entry in the Imaginary-Friends arena is Vladimir Megre, once a failed Russian entrepreneur who hit the big time after he "discovered" a young, naked but infinitely wise woman in the Siberian woods. He says her name is Anastasia, and he has written a slew of books about her, The Ringing Cedars series. They haven't become as big as The Secret yet, but they seem to be pretty popular, and such luminaries as Chicken Soup co-perp Mark Victor Hansen has praised them (scroll down a bit on the page and you'll see his brief testimonial). Or at least Mark praised Anastasia, saying, "Anastasia wows the soul!" It's entirely possible that he was actually praising the animated movie, and the Ringing Cedars people lifted his testimonial, but knowing the circles Mark runs in, I tend to think not. Anyway, here's a bit more insight into Anastasia and the whole Imaginary-Friends shtick.

The Three Amigos $2,000 Briefcase Scam perpetrated by Bob Proctor, Jack Canfield and Michael Beckwith is worthy of a Scammy in and of itself. For the benefit of those who don't know about the Briefcase Scam, it involved a $1,995 leather briefcase that contained DVDs, CDs, MP3s and a workbook, all centered around Wallace Wattle's classic book, The Science of Getting Rich, but with a whole lotta Proctor thrown in. It was an affiliate program, so for your nearly $2,000 you got the chance to sell overpriced briefcases full of crap to as many other people as you could manage to sucker into the deal, and you'd get a commission. As I just mentioned the other day, though (scroll down to the third item, "Whither the SGR Club"?), the briefcases are no longer selling for $1,995, but are now going for the rock-bottom price of just under $300. When they're gone, they're gone! Be sure to watch those videos if you follow the link, especially the one where Scientist Bob snaps his finger and demands that you take advantage of his briefcase deal NOW, with absolutely no further thought about it – even if you have to borrow the money from your grandmother (here's the YouTube link to that one).

Kevin Trudeau probably deserves his own Lifetime Achievement award too, perhaps as Most Successful Serial Scammer.

There should also be some sort of New-Wage Martyr Award, and I think Trudeau (or True-dough, as he's often known) would be up for that too, since a major part of his marketing shtick is making a big deal out of the fact that the big bad US government has been on his case for years. Poor Kevin; he's only trying to help consumers, and Unca Sam just keeps trying to clip his wings. Another contender for New-Wage Martyr, of course, would be David Schirmer, Aussie Secret star, whose ongoing martyrdom has been documented on my Whirled numerous times, including here, and here, and here, and here. David has been accused of all sorts of financial wrongdoing, including bilking investors out of a great deal of money, but he blames all of his troubles on a vengeful ex-employee/lover, tabloid journalists, Satan, etc. They're all out to get him, poor guy, when all he really wants to do is the Lord's work.

Although I didn't mention this on SHAMblog, there's another potential Scammy category, based on an award I proposed a couple of years ago on this blog: the MystiCouple Award for the best New-Wage mom-and-pop team. Response to my proposal was lackluster (although I did get a lecture about what a judgmental and angry person I am, and I also received some indignant private emails from followers of one of the MystiCouples. I'd tell you which couple, but I don't want yet another spate of angry emails). Anyway, I'm thinking that some sort of Flim-Flamming Couple Award would be a viable category for the Scammy Awards. Once again, our pals Esther and Jerry Hicks are contenders in this category, but there are several other active couples, as mentioned in the post linked to above. (Note: The couple at the very end of the post, one Rev Ron and Cosmic Connie, are there for laughs. We're not competing for a Scammy. Don't waste your valuable vote!)

Now, I realize that the MystiCouple category may be more New-Age/spiritual than strictly self-help, but then again, so is the Imaginary-Friends category. Frankly, the line between self-help and New Age has blurred so much in recent years (which is why I coined the term, "New-Wage" in the first place) that they are all, in my opinion, Scammy contenders. In fact, John Curtis' tentative category list above reflects the common threads of New-Age, self-help and McSpirituality.

Well, I hope this was enough to get you inspired. I invite and encourage you to participate in the Scammy nominations. You can do it at Steve's blog, as mentioned above, or you can submit your suggestions here on my Whirled, and I'll forward them to John Curtis.

And, of course, you can also contact John directly through his site. He does solicit financial support for his ongoing efforts to battle self-help fraud (and yes, I know that some would say "self-help fraud" is a redundancy), but you can participate in the Scammy nominations at no cost.

Let the nominations begin (or continue)!

PS ~ If you want to promote the Scammy Awards on your own blog or other site, feel free to use the image above (note: it's not an "official" creation or logo of John's organization, just my own effort for the cause). If you single-click on the image you'll get the large version, which will be better for downloading.

As the Whirled churns...

It's been way too long since I've blogged, but I wanted to throw out a few meaty snippets before I settle back and relax after a very busy Monday.

Are things looking up for Melbourne's Mini-Madoff?
It appears that "controversial" (his description) Australian Secret star David Schirmer, currently on tour in the good old US of A, has caught a bit of a lucky break. Ben Fordham, the reporter from the Aussie tabloid show A Current Affair (ACA) who has been on Schirmer's case, is now facing legal troubles of his own. These are not related to Ben's numerous stories about Schirmer, but rather to another story he did about a politician who allegedly ordered the contract killing of a male prostitute. In pursuit of this story Ben and another ACA reporter, Andy Byrne, allegedly used a hidden camera and published the resulting footage; they are charged with violation of Australian laws concerning the use of listening devices. The two are also charged with concealing a serious offense (i.e., the alleged ordering of the contract killing). The person who allegedly ordered the killing, a 71-year-old former mayor, has also been charged. The alleged murder for hire did not take place, so arguably the ACA guys saved a man's life. Here's a link to the story.

As you might expect, David Schirmer has publicly commented about this, writing: "...ACA is the most stupid show on TV … as well as totally inaccurate, deceptive and slanderous. Ben Fordham has sought to ruin many good Australians over the years with lies and deception. I don’t wish anyone to go to prison, I do hope though that justice is done to Fordham for the evil he has done to many people." This was a comment to a February 25 piece on the Aussie TV site, "What's On The Tube."

As I noted in a comment to the discussion around my post of 18 February, I do not, and never have, condoned illegal or unethical tactics by journalists. From both a legal and ethical standpoint, the end does not necessarily justify the means. Journalists shouldn't play police detective; that's a sure way to get into trouble. And yes, I am and always have been aware that A Current Affair is concerned more about ratings than anything else. Frankly, this is also the case with many of the more "legitimate" news outlets, including those in the US – but tabloid shows are notoriously less concerned than the more mainstream outlets with journalistic ethics, and more interested in sensationalism. But this doesn't mean that they never hit upon the truth; I think they do. Still, you have to consider the source; this is tabloid TV, after all.

Even so, I don't believe that ACA just made up everything about David Schirmer out of whole cloth; where there's smoke there's fire, and all that. (Furthermore, I have never believed that the evidence for Schirmer's misdeeds is based solely on the information in the ACA exposes.) Moreover, this latest turn of events is not proof, or even very good evidence, that Schirmer is innocent of any of the accusations against him. Ben Fordham's troubles, however, do seem to give Schirmer a little boost in his campaign to convince the world of his own innocence. This is what I think we might call one of those "unintended consequences." Even if Ben, in his relentless pursuit of stories, was motivated by something higher than his own self-interest, and even if he actually intended for his scandal-mongering to do some good for other people, all of that good work could potentially be undone by one foolish act. Too bad.

However, Ben and Andy have said they will vigorously defend themselves, and although as I said I don't condone dodgy journo tactics, I find myself rooting for them, hoping at the very least that they can avoid prison. Matter of fact, I've never advocated prison for the David Schirmers of the world either. I think prison should be reserved for violent criminals who pose a real physical danger to society. I can't speak for the people who were allegedly wronged by Schirmer, but I don't think they're necessarily interested in seeing him go to prison either. Heck, they probably just want their money back. And I'm guessing that a few sincere apologies would be a nice touch too.

But none of this seems likely to happen as David Schirmer prepares to expand his brand in the US, while sweeping all of his problems in Oz under the proverbial rug. There's even speculation that the Schirmers may decide to relocate to America. Meanwhile David is continuing his whirlwind tour of the US. During his stop in Chicago he reportedly "had an awesome meeting with Vic Conant." That would be Vic Conant of Nightingale-Conant, the famous publishers of self-help and motivational audio products from some of the biggest "names" in the biz.

Now, I have no idea whether Vic was as awed by David as David apparently was by Vic, or if Vic was just being the nice polite guy he is reputed to be, and figured that everyone deserves a listen. Nor do I have any idea what the meeting was about, although I have a feeling David was there to pitch his products and perhaps suggest ideas for new ones. I'd be very careful if I were Nightingale-Conant, though. I would make sure that what David Schirmer is offering isn't based on the work of his former joint-venture bud Bob Proctor, a long-time Nightingale-Conant staple. I have a feeling that Proctor's legal team wouldn't be very happy about that, particularly in light of the legal actions Proctor took against Schirmer last year. I may be wrong, but it looks to me as if Schirmer is still actively promoting some material that is based on Proctor's work, e.g., the "Australian Born Rich Program," which Schirmer says is a live seminar based around the book, You Were Born Rich (a Proctor classic). In happier times, Schirmer and Proctor did some live seminars together in Australia, and for a while Schirmer was selling DVDs and other material based on those seminars. Even if he has since repackaged them and had the Bob parts edited out, I'm not so sure that Bob would be happy about the prospect of the person he successfully sued for deceptive practices making money off of his, Bob's, name and work. And I'm pretty sure that Nightingale-Conant wouldn't want their own good name besmirched by copyright infringement issues.

Then again, Nightingale-Conant can probably take care of themselves. They've been in business a long time and, as I've said, they've published the works of many of the world's most famous motivators and self-improvement experts (so far they've published three audio packages by Joe Vitale). At one time they even offered a version of the Mega-Memory Course by the infamous Kevin Trudeau. Kevin has certainly had his share of troubles, but I'm sure that even though he no longer seems to be in their active catalog, he made a lot of money for Nightingale-Conant. And maybe that's all that really counts.

In any case, I have a feeling that if Nightingale-Conant liked Kevin Trudeau, they are absolutely going to love David Schirmer.

That's Sir Hustledork to you
Speaking of cons, the star of the latest US financial scandal, Texas tycoon "Sir" R. Allen Stanford (who, come to think of it, sort of bears a resemblance to the aforementioned Kevin Trudeau), still has not been arrested, although one of his fall gals, the Chief Investment Officer at Stanford Financial Group, was taken into custody by the FBI February 26 on charges of obstructing an investigation.

So are you thinking what I'm thinking? What I'm thinking is that Sir Allen would fit just perfectly in the New-Wage/selfish-help industry, especially if he can manage to stay out of prison. As we know, however, even a prison record cannot significantly damage the earning power of a true master.

In some ways Sir Allen stands head and shoulders above some of the New-Wage industry's leading hustledorks, who have only their phony doctorate degrees, whereas Sir Allen has that whole phony knighthood thing going. Still, I imagine the New-Wagers would gladly welcome him into their fold, and their followers would give him standing ovations at any magical money-attracting seminar where he appeared.

At the very least, once Sir Allen gets past those little setbacks he's currently facing, he should seriously consider writing a motivational bestseller and putting on a bunch of hugely expensive seminars. (He probably already has a book deal or two, but he really needs to cram some New-Wage spiritual concepts and probably some quantum physics into his book, just to have all of his bases covered.) He is, if nothing else, a master at self-reinvention, and could probably teach even some of the most seasoned selfish-help spruikers a thing or two by example. This is from a recent piece by Houston Chronicle columnist Loren Steffy:

Claims that strain credulity were the foundation of Stanford’s business.

On its Web site, the firm claimed it traced its roots to the Great Depression, when the grandfather of founder R. Allen Stanford started an insurance company in Mexia.

Stanford’s father, though, told the Chronicle last week that he sold the insurance business and that his son had nothing to do with it.

Nor was Sir Allen related to the founder of Stanford University, as the firm claimed until the school sued for trademark infringement.

Instead, the future Sir Allen reportedly started a fitness club in Waco that soon went bust. Then he and his father began in the late 1980s buying up distressed real estate in the wake of the savings and loan crisis.

In 2000, Sir Allen told the Chronicle he founded his Caribbean bank on Montserrat with money left over from funds he’d raised for a real estate deal.

That’s no way to start a bank. In the U.S., it’s a violation of securities laws to collect money for one purpose and use it for another.

Later, after he’d become wealthy and his operations were ensconced in Antigua, Sir Allen began claiming he’d been knighted by England’s Prince Phillip but stopped after Buckingham Palace refuted it. He continues to use the knightly title, though, which was bestowed by Antigua’s prime minister.

The little lies are designed to build up credibility among unsuspecting investors, to paint over the cracks of suspicion that might otherwise cause the scheme to crumble.

Ironically enough, Sir Allen lost a bit of money to the infamous Bernie Madoff, proving that even the conman isn't too smart to get conned. As for the people who got conned by Sir Allen, well... it's not that I don't have sympathy for them (as I do for Madoff's victims), but then again, I have to think that at least some of them have to bear some responsibility. Liars can't profit much without people who are willing to suspend all judgment and believe the lies. As the self-described "non-award-winning political satirist" David Bourgeois wrote recently in the Huffington Post:

The poor saps were lured into this Ponzi scheme with the elixir of unrealistic riches; their thirst for off-the-charts financial gains blinded them to the obvious scam going on right under their noses.

If we really want to weep for victims of financial chicanery, how about we start with the thousands of workers losing their jobs due to extreme financial mismanagement?

Anyway, I'm thinking that Sir Allen could really find his niche teaching the hopeful but desperate masses how to excavate splendid new moneymaking ops from the rubble of this shaken economy. After all, that's what he did back in the 1980s, taking advantage of the wreckage left by the savings and loan crisis, which fueled his meteoric rise to wealth beyond belief. Today's distressed economic climate seems to be an excellent breeding ground for future Sir Roberts. They just need a really good teacher.

Con artist or not, there are many in Antigua who claim they don't care what their knight did wrong, because Sir Allen did right by them. This is from another Houston Chronicle story:

“In America, I’m afraid his goose is cooked, but we will always respect him here for what he brought to the country,” said a merchant who asked not to be named discussing a man who casts such a huge shadow.

“I will tell you, what he has done for this country is remarkable — legal or illegal — and nobody can dispute that,” he continued.

There, you see? It's all good. So... welcome to the New Wage, Sir Allen! I have no doubt that the hustlers will save you a place at the head of their table, where they sit and continue to stuff themselves, occasionally tossing out crumbs to the starving commoners who are simply trying to get into the banquet room. I am sure that you will be an inspiration to many in the years to come.

Whither the SGR club?
While we're on the topic of New-Wagers and shady schemes... remember that "Three Amigos" Science of Getting Rich (SGR) scheme with Secret stars Bob Proctor, Jack Canfield and Michael Beckwith? You know, the one that played on the fame of The Secret, even though Rhonda Byrne and T.S. Productions took pains to inform people that SGR was not in any way affiliated with The Secret or T.S. Productions? This was the scheme where people paid nearly two thousand good U.S. dollars to get a briefcase filled with papers and CDs and stuff. And then they had a chance to sucker other people into buying briefcases, which would earn the sellers handsome commissions and enable them to buy expensive cars or houses or lovers or vacations or whatever they desired for building the life of their dreams.

Well, it seems that deal has completely disappeared from the main SGR site. Go there now and all you get are some tips on copywriting. Hmmm.

But for those who are nostalgically inclined, the scheme lives on in some old affiliate videos, such as this one. I have to wonder: Did the SGR operation get shut down because the number of people who realized what a scam it was finally reached critical mass? I remember that early on there was some suspicion that the plan wasn't exactly legal and bordered on being a pyramid scheme; Oprah reportedly even strongly criticized it, and Michael Beckwith apparently dropped out of the scheme for a while, though he later returned. I've blogged about this on several occasions besides the post I linked to in the "Three Amigos" paragraph above. For example, there's this post; scroll down to the subhead, "Riding The Secret gravy train." (By the way, if you try to follow any of the links I listed in that snippet, you'll find that most have disappeared.)

At any rate, I'm sure that SGR's demise is no skin off the backs of any of the Three Amigos. Scientist Bob, after all, is now busily involved in a scheme with Mary Manin Morrissey, selling people advice on how to reposition their boners by using the eleven Universal Laws that were left out of The Secret. Jack "Chicken Soup" Canfield also is involved in dozens of schemes, and Reverend Beckwith is busy as well (and I have to say that of the three, he seems the most sincerely interested in changing the world for the better. But maybe that's just my own projection (and predilection for dreadlocks) speaking). As for all of the poor suckers who got stuck with those two-thousand dollar briefcases and some seriously downscaled dreams, too bad for them, huh? But hey, there's always the next earth-shattering, rip-roaring, life-changing, thunderously exciting affiliate scheme. And there will be many more such schemes, and many more such suckers, some of whom will probably be the very same ones who got hosed in the briefcase deal. There might even be some Madoff and Stanford victims in the mix.

Contrary to popular belief, PT Barnum apparently never said, "There's a sucker born every minute." But someone said it, and that someone was right. An endless supply of suckers is the one thing that all hustledorks, New-Wage or not, can count on, no matter how crappy the economy gets. It's all a matter of finding creative new ways to separate people from their money.

NEWS FLASH added on Wednesday, 4 March: Boys and girls, if you missed your chance to get screwed out of $2,000 for an SGR briefcase, here's your chance to get screwed out of only $297 for the same thing, although I don't think you get a chance to screw other people out of $297 (but I could be wrong). Yes, Bob is selling off his stock right here. Get 'em while they last! (If you watch the video, notice how slick Bob is with his implication that the SGR program he's selling was the basis of The Secret. In reality, Rhonda Byrne was originally inspired by the classic book, The Science of Getting Rich, by Wallace Wattles, which is now in the public domain and easily available for free or cheap.)

Might as well notify the Nobel Prize Committee right now
Finally, speaking of creative money-making ideas, I am thrilled to announce that a brand new branch of science has been created by "Dr." Joe Vitale: neurometaphysics. He announced his discovery in his March 2 blog post:

I’m a neurometaphysician. I created the new science of neurometaphysics.

I’m a neurometaphysician. I created the field of neurometaphysics. This goes beyond neuroscience, which is the study of how your nervous system affects your life. Neurometaphysics is the science of how your thoughts create your life...

...Note: If you want to hear more about the science of neurometaphysics, leave a comment and tell me so. Meanwhile, please Digg this post and share it with others. Thank you.

And the Joebots are lining up to praise him and find out more about this fascinating new branch of science.

Come to think of it, it might be kind of cool to have a Ph.D. in neurometaphysics. Since it is such a new branch of science, though, I fear that the diploma mills...I mean, online universities...might not have a program in place yet that allows one to buy...I mean earn...a degree in that particular discipline. Joe himself already has a doctorate in metaphysics, but what if he wants to buy a doctorate in neurometaphysics? I guess he'll have to create his own online university with an advanced degree program, and sell the Ph.D. to himself. Maybe he could call his new institution of higher earning the Vitale American Institute of Neurometaphysics, or VAIN. And he could sell "life experience" Bachelors and Masters and Doctoral degrees to tons of other people. Hey, it's another income stream. You don't even have to thank me, Joe.

By the way, there's a guy named Anoop Gupta in Canada who just might take issue with Joe's claim to have invented neurometaphysics. No worries, though; maybe Joe and Anoop can share the Nobel Prize.

Well, that's it for now, Dear Ones. More soon.

News flash: David Schirmer says he has been cleared. Or not.

You might as well just skip this post, which is now outdated, and go straight to the comments. Or at least go straight to the PS's. And then read the comments.

In the interests of fairness, I wish to point out a blog post that Aussie Secret star David Schirmer posted on Wednesday, 18 February, 2009. He says he has been cleared by the Australian Securities and Investments Commission (ASIC), and that he is now going to sic the "best defamation barristers" on some of the people who have accused him of wrongdoing or have reported on those accusations. He adds that he is looking forward to "this interesting journey."

The link to his blog post is here. There doesn't seem to be a permalink to that particular post, but as I noted above, it is dated 18 February, 2009.* Schirmer has also apparently had all of the videos of the exposé from the Aussie TV show A Current Affair removed from YouTube (in his blog post, he implies that A Current Affair removed them, but they didn't, and the videos are still up on the ACA web site). His Wikipedia entry has been considerably sanitized as well.** Moreover, he seems to be practicing some intimidation tactics on people who have expressed opinions about him on Twitter and on other sites. Negative info about him seems to be disappearing from the Web....

I have always said that if it turns out there's evidence that David Schirmer has been falsely or unfairly accused, I will publish it. For now, all I have is that one blog post of his.*** If I am given links to any documents from the ASIC clearing him, I will certainly publish those too. (Needless to say, I will also publish credible evidence to the contrary as well.)

Just thought y'all would want to know. I may be snarky, but I do try in my own way to be fair as well.****

* Or it WAS dated 18 February. See the PS.
** Well, so much for that Wikipedia entry having been "cleaned up." I just checked and it's been changed again, as of 21 February, to reflect some of David Schirmer's troubles. If you have a lot of time to waste, here's a link to the history of the Wikipedia entries on David Schirmer.
** * And now we don't even have that blog post. Again, see the PS.
**** Sometimes I try too hard, it seems.

PS added on 22 February: It seems that after changing the wording on his 18 February blog post in which he claimed to have been "cleared" by the ASIC, David Schirmer has now removed that post altogether. Go figure. He is now joyfully on his way to the US of A, flying first class, of course (or at least implying that he's flying first class). He should be touching down in LA pretty soon...
PPS added on 25 February: Melbourne's Mini-Madoff is currently in Albuquerque, NM, and then, according to his Tweet on Twitter, he's headed for "Chicago, Toronto, Detroit, Dallas, Austin, Phoenix, Atlanta, LA and home!"

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"Recession? What recession?"

The economic crisis has not only given the talking heads on TV a whole lot more to talk about, it has also been a boon to advertisers, marketers and entrepreneurs of all stripes. Some of these people are scam artists, some are merely clever or crass opportunists, and some are just scrabbling to make a living because they, like so many others, have lost their primary sources of income. Whether scammers, legit, or semi-legit, they are all seeking new money ops through one or more of the following: (1) further scaring people about what's going on; (2) reassuring people that the problem has been greatly exaggerated; or (3) admitting that, hey, there's a problem, but there's a way out if you only buy the right products or services or attend the right workshops. Many employ varying combinations of these three basic strategies.

As one of the most prominent New-Wage practitioners of strategy number 3, Tony Robbins is all over the place with advice, products, workshops and even an upcoming TV show about staying positive in tough times. He's just one example, of course. Jack "Chicken Soup" Canfield and numerous others are also finding new ways to help people through the hard times – for a price.

Among those who opt for strategy number 2, claiming the economic problem has been greatly exaggerated, there's a whole movement afoot to "refuse to participate in the recession," the latter-day version of whistling past the graveyard. The Net is awash with blog posts and videos from New-Wagers who, with achingly transparent motives, are crossing the sometimes fine line between optimism and stubborn denial.

Don't get me wrong. I think there's actually a pretty good case for the argument that too much negative reporting about the sinking economy is exacerbating the problem in some ways. And, as columnist David Brooks wrote in a January op-ed piece, "A recession is a mental event, and every recession has its own unique spirit." He wasn't being New-Wagey; he was simply writing about ways in which human foibles and the irrational human mind have contributed to the economic crisis.

But it is the media's job to report what's going on; should they simply ignore all of the negative news from Wall Street and the halls of corporate America? Besides, the media don't exist in a vacuum. Above all else they are in business to make money, and they are responding to the public's desires and fears as much as they are creating or encouraging those desires and fears. If no one ever tuned in to the negative stuff, word would eventually reach the powers-that-be, and every TV show would be Donny Deutsch's The Big Idea (well, before it became a forum for bitching about how bad the economy is).

More to the point, by deliberately vilifying the media to promote their own happy-happy joy-joy wares, many New-Wagers are chiefly helping their own economy above all else. (All together now: "Duh!")

Consider Joe Vitale and his exaggerated indignation about the dastardly mainstream media, expressed in a recent blog post promoting his latest Nightingale-Conant CD/DVD program.

Something is driving me crazy and I need to get this off my chest!

Thanks to the negative media, there is a nasty, ruthless, disempowering myth going around that says…

America and the rest of the world is in financial danger, and we are at the mercy of the stock market, banks, and other major financial institutions.

He goes on to reassure his readers that we've survived worse crises, but that in any case he has just the antidote to financial worries: that new program of his.

This is the first time I have ever combined all my spiritual teachings with all my business and marketing tactics in a single CD/DVD program.

And MY marketing is based on total love.

You can imagine the power of these two forces combined to help you attract money.

Joe, like many others, has been preaching his "ignore the mainstream media" wisdom for some time now, and seems to be practicing what he preaches. As just one example, he recently confessed that he'd hadn't heard of the infamous Bernie Madoff till he got a comment to his blog asking how Madoff's victims could have possibly "attracted" their misfortune. His general attitude is that if you ignore the mainstream media, particularly the news media, you will be a happier person.

Large numbers of other, less famous New-Wage dilettantes are weighing in with their own versions of recession-denial. I came across a recent blog post by New-Wage entrepreneur and self-described "Master Top Shelf coach" Nan Akasha, who wrote:

Some have [experienced a recession], but most haven’t! Yes, the recession is a label and it does not apply to over 75% of the people in America! Most of you who know me, know I do not buy into others realities, I create my own. I know what makes me feel good and inspired and what does not. I intentionally focus on what makes me feel empowered and strong, happy and wealthy. Believing in a recession is not an empowering thought, so I do not choose it. My business is building, I am thrilled to help people change their lives, perceptions and feelings and my focus is on attracting those who are ready for change and want to get the results they want now. I do what I love and follow the feelings that support my success. Yes, you actually get to choose the feelings and thoughts that you decide are true for you, and that is what creates your reality.

You must see that not everyone is suffering right now. Wonder why? It is not luck, it is not greed, it is not anything outside. It is what they CHOOSE to think and feel. About themselves, the economy, their businesses, everything...

This is the same Nan who wrote a response to budding New-Wage entrepreneur Wendy G. Young's September 2008 blog post about Hurricane Ike, which I've mentioned here a couple of times before. Wendy wrote that she hadn't yet lost power due to the storm, and she intended to keep focusing on not losing power because "what we focus on we get, right?" Nan, writing under the moniker "Creatrix Nan," responded:

Wendy,
found your site! So glad to hear you are doing well, we got nothing here in San Antonio, it is sunny! Was looking forward to rain, but so glad it is turning out good for most everyone.

This is the exchange I chimed in on, as you'll see if you follow the above link; I mentioned to Nan that things didn't turn out so well for a lot of people in Galveston and Houston and surrounding areas. So far neither Wendy nor Nan has responded to my comment. I guess they are too busy creating realities where money problems are nonexistent, and lives are never torn asunder by forces of nature.

Okay, the Hurricane Ike blog bit is old news. The newer news is that Nan, like so many other New-Wagers major and minor, is busily engaged in selling the idea that it's only a recession if you think of it that way. Even if you've truly suffered a loss, Nan has a list of things you can do to get yourself out of recession mode and into a happy, abundant life. Several of these things, not surprisingly, involve buying "coaching" services or products from her. But one of the other strategies she recommends is to read a blog post by Jennifer McLean, New-Wage healer, marketer, and author of a coffee table book for narcissists, The Big Book Of You. Jennifer, who apparently reached her own pinnacle of success by jumping on the Joe Vitale gravy train,* is another wise teacher who says that recession is merely a state of mind, and she has the math and the hard-edge economics to prove it:

Let’s get back to this whole notion of recession: 11% or more are now unemployed, that means that there are 89% that are in the same financial position as they were a year ago, prior to this so called recession. Let’s be fair here and say that 80% of all of us are in the same if not a better position (I talk to literally dozens of people weekly that are telling me they are actually doing better (and I am one of those). What is happening is a state of mind-- that 11% is telling the 80% that they could be in trouble too, so DON’T SPEND. Guess what happens? They don’t spend so more will lose their jobs. These 80% have exactly what they have always had and yet fear is stopping them. And guess what fear will create for them… yep you got it, their circumstances will likely reflect their fear and they may go into poverty.

Professional economists, eat your hearts out!

As is the case with most problems, the severity of the financial crisis depends upon whom you ask. The above quotation from Jennifer McLean illustrates that it is as easy to put a positive spin on the situation as it is to give it a negative one. She uses unemployment figures to make her point, but unemployment figures simply do not tell the whole story. To begin with, they ignore the large numbers of underemployed or self-employed people who are suffering from the downturn in the economy.

And unemployment figures don't even begin to address numerous less dramatic examples of economic fallout, such as banks and credit card companies that use market conditions as an excuse to find new ways to screw their "little" customers, even after getting billions in bailout money. How many of you recently received a letter from your credit card company saying that due to current economic conditions, they're raising your APR to a usurious level (even if you have been making timely payments, and/or have a great credit rating)? How many have seen dramatic increases in fees and equally dramatic decreases in benefits from your bank? (What overdraft privilege?) How many small business owners, even those with good credit and a long history, are finding it difficult if not impossible to get loans now from some of those banks that got bailed out?

Some of this stuff has been going on for a few years, of course, but has become considerably worse recently.

The point is that even people who haven't lost their jobs or their homes are still dealing with real problems, both large and small, related to the downturn in the economy. While I quite agree that obsessing over these problems is counter-productive at best and dangerous at worst, so is denial. The world may look prettier when viewed from within a narcissistic bubble, but we all know what happens to bubbles, sooner or later. And even while the bubble lasts, the scheming or desperate narcissist within looks pretty pathetic from the outside.

But I'm getting way too serious here, as I sometimes do. So let me leave you with a little comic relief from another person who has been peddling his own brand of solutions to economic worries. I give you Brad "C'mon-Get-Tappy" Yates, who can't seem to stop touching himself and putting videos of it up on YouTube. Here's one of the latest.

And for those of you who would like to combine tapping with the ancient Hawaiian practice of Ho'oponononononononononononono, Brad has a special offering just for you. He even wears a Hawaiian shirt to make it really real.

A snarky pal of mine wrote to me that he just does not get these videos. "It's SCARY watching him tap himself like that," he wrote. "I wish I could laugh at him but I can't. Perhaps it's because for me the scariest horror movies take place in asylums with CRAZY people. And what do those crazy folk do? Well, most of the time they touch themselves and hit themselves ... Before, of course, turning on the 'innocent' people in the film..."

Hmm. If you look at it that way... but no, with all due respect to my friend, it's still funny.

And it is also yet another indication that denial is not just a river; it's a whole big ocean full of snark chum.

PS ~ To honor Charles Darwin's 200th birthday, here is a link to a poem that has been a favorite of mine since my junior high days. I suppose the photo above also pays tribute, in its own way, to Darwin.

PPS added on 24 February: SHAMblog's Steve Salerno makes some salient points about false hope, the economic crisis and other matters in his blog post, "Don't know about you, but I'm ready for some fear itself." Read it.

* Link added April 2009: Here is Jennifer McLean's success story.

The Mini-Madoff of Melbourne?

I'm the only Aussie on The Secret DVD, and probably the most controversial, most fun loving, most challenging and direct, maybe the richest?

~ David Schirmer's self-description on his Twitter page

It's been a while since I blogged about Australian Secret star David Schirmer, The Blunder from Down Under...or perhaps we should give him a new nickname for the new year. How about the Mini-Madoff of Melbourne? Like the infamous Bernie M., David Schirmer allegedly "made off" with large amounts of other people's money, as documented in numerous segments of the Aussie tabloid TV program, A Current Affair. Thus far, of course, David's reported misdeeds have been on a considerably smaller scale than those of Bernie Madoff – as have the transgressions of the "Mini-Madoffs" in the US – and his shenanigans have been largely confined to Australia. Still, the comparison seems apt. Besides, I rather like the alliteration.

From what I can see, however, Melbourne's Mini-M continues to deny any real wrongdoing – it seems the most he'll ever admit to is having made some mistakes in the past ("And who hasn't made mistakes?" is the implied question) – and he just keeps on keeping on. If you don't care, maybe you should, because he is still has his eyes on America. More on that in a moment.

He continues to trade on his association with the most famous New-Wage moviemercial of our times, The Secret, branding himself as "The 'Car Park' Guy," due to his spiel on the DVD about using the Law Of Attraction to attract prime parking spaces. As he said in the movie:

"People are amazed how I line up car parks. And I've done this right from when I first understood the secret. I would visualise a car space exactly where I wanted it and 95% of the time it would be there for me and I'd just pull straight in. Five percent of the time I'd have to wait just a minute or two and the person would pull out and I'd pull in. So I do that all the time."

Of course, he could just as easily brand himself as "The 'Checks In The Mail' Guy In The Secret":

"When I first understood the secret, I was getting bills. Every day I would get a bunch of bills in the mail and I thought, This is, how do I turn this around? The law of attraction states that what you focus on you will get. So I got a bank statement and I whited out the total and I put a new total in there. I put exactly how much I wanted to see in the bank. I thought, what if I just visualise cheques coming in the mail, so I just visualised a bunch of cheques coming in the mail. Within just one month, things started to change. And it's just amazing, today I just get cheques in the mail. I get a fewbills, but I get more cheques than bills."

The above two quotations were taken from a PDF that includes a transcript of the original DVD of The Secret (yes, this is the version with Esther Hicks and her imaginary pal Abe).

I know that some of this stuff is old news, but that's for the benefit of those who have only recently joined the party here and don't have all of the background information. The rest of you can feel free to skip over the stuff you already know.

The webmaster for David's The Secret Revealed web site seems to have worked overtime on search engine optimization, or at least I guess that's what it is (I'm kind of a Web marketing 'tard). Just click on the "Site Map" link on the home page and you'll see what I mean. There are more than 70 links, each one leading to a long list of yet more links, inclusive of all of the New-Wage gurus and concepts covered in The Secret, and then some. Thus, someone who is looking for, say, information on Joe Vitale might very well be led to David Schirmer's site. But I suppose that's pretty much in keeping with the general practices in the New-Wage industry, which is one large mutual masturb...er..big party, where the hustlers use each other's names all the time to promote their own stuff.

Even as he exploits his Secret connection, David continues to try to set himself apart from other Secret stars and the rest of the New-Wage scene – not just by describing himself in superlatives, as in that Twitter quotation above, but also by branding himself as a Bible-believing, saved-by-Jesus Christian, as snarkily reported here previously. (Some people are still trying to figure out the significance of the kitten pictures on that post I linked to. So far no one has guessed correctly.)

For some time now, David's purported Christianity has been finding its expression through his ongoing involvement in a prosperity-oriented church called Rhema Melbourne (formerly Word Family Church), an institution that seems to be rooted in the belief that God wants "His" people to be prosperous, and that "He" also wants them to fork over as much money as possible to the church that nurtures this holy sense of entitlement.

A friend of mine refers to churches like this as The Church of the Deluded, and it seems appropriate here. Either Rhema Melbourne doesn't know about Schirmer's bad press, or they don't care, or they recognize a good hustler...er...fundraiser... when they see one, and they figure he can help fill the collection plates. Of course, there's always the possibility that the church is simply practicing Christian forgiveness, as Our Lord would wish. On the other hand, maybe the Aussie authorities would be interested in the dealings of the Rhema Melbourne Church. That's not up to me to decide.

In any case, David Schirmer currently seems to be one of his church's rock stars, and they have him teaching a series of prosperity classes to the faithful. The promo page on Rhema's web site says, "Your [sic] would normally have to pay thousands to hear David share his business insights and secrets … you get to enjoy monthly seminars with him for free." In one of the upcoming classes, he will talk about the importance of tithing. "Learn why every business person should tithe and how to multiply your profits through offerings," says the blurb for his Purpose of Prosperity class, scheduled for February 22.

While I'm sure his church is just tickled pink about that, I have a feeling that some of this is not setting too well with the folks to whom he still allegedly owes all of that money. I remember hearing David promise A Current Affair's Ben Fordham that he would have all of the money paid back to his earlier investors by Christmas – of 2007. From what I have heard, he has yet to keep that promise. As an anonymous correspondent put it recently, "Where the hell is everyone's money that he owes them, in the bloody church coffers now? Won’t that make people happy. David Schirmer owes so many people so much money it is not funny and he talks about this sort of stuff. You’ve got to give it to him, the guy has gall."

David and his lovely wife Lorna are also still involved with a motivational project for youngsters, Youth Destiny Camp, which I first mentioned here last year. Among other things, he recently taught a group of young kids how to create a company and turn $500 into $500,000 in 90 days. "God help the poor little suckers when he has not even done that himself!" someone commented to me recently. Word has it that most of the kids who went to the Schirmers' Youth Camp last year did not return this year (perhaps they were so successful they didn't need to), and there was only a fraction of last year's turnout, some of whom were family. In any case, David has put a joyful spin on it as usual:

It is absolutely amazing to watch the young adults (12-19) change over the 5 days. Many come very shy and reserved and not really knowing what to expect; they leave full of confidence with a Vision Board in their hand and a new destiny. The 5-day YDC is often the best time in their lives.

And here's a link to a very short video showing some of the fun and games at the 2009 YDC. By the way, the cost per kiddo is $995 in Aussie dollars, which is about $650 in US dollars.

In addition to all of the above, David continues to promote himself as a stock market expert and wealth advisor, and is also still involved in business and success mentoring, selling products such as his Wealth Building 101 Course, another item I have mentioned here before. This is the course where he teaches business owners how to protect their assets against "predator-plaintiffs and their attorneys." (His main wealth tip: Don't own anything in your name.) I'll give him this: He does have experience with plaintiffs and their attorneys, having been sued numerous times himself.

No doubt David has faced a few disappointments, in addition to that split-up with Bob Proctor last year (speaking of lawsuits). For one thing, he doesn't seem to be on the A-list for the scads of New-Wage moviemercials that have come out since The Secret (e.g., The Opus, The Compass, The Rumpus, The Leap, The Creep, Awakeners, that dumb movie where people keep tapping on themselves, or any of a number of Beyond-The-Secret type offerings). Sadder still, he isn't included in the latest incarnation of the great hustledork affiliate scheme, The Masters Gathering. I get the feeling that he's still pretty much persona non grata among the stars and superstars of the New-Wage industry.

Disappointments aside, he still seems to be having a barrel of fun online. Even if the New-Wage superstars will have little to do with him, there are hundreds upon hundreds of naive superstar-wannabes and groupies, some of whom have money to blow. And even if they don't have money, they are possessed of a certain naivete and willingness to glom onto anyone who can talk a good game, particularly if that person was in...gasp!...The Secret. Perhaps they think that since this charming guy with the Aussie accent and the twinkle in his eye has made himself more accessible than some of the other Secret stars, he might be able to get them into The Club. They don't seem to be aware that Schirmer himself can't really get into The Club, at least not into the V.I.P. room.

In any case, he has jumped into social media big time. He's been on Facebook and Myspace for quite some time now, but these days he is also having a fine old time on Twitter as well. To begin with, it's yet another forum for him to share insights about the stock market. Consider this bit of timeless wisdom:

Do you know why the stock market is called an "Exchange"? Because it is where the ignorant exchange their money for experience!!

He said a mouthful, perhaps without realizing it. One gets the feeling that he is banking on a never-ending flow of "the ignorant" to his workshops and web sites. On a later Tweet, he wrote a variation of the same thought:

When person with money meets person with experience; Person with money will get the experience and person with experience will get the money.

Yep, I'd say that about sums it up. Let this be a warning to any inexperienced but moneyed souls who come in contact with David Schirmer. The "experience" you receive in exchange for giving him your money may not be quite what you had in mind.

He has also been Tweeting in vaguely flirtatious ways with various ladies about topics such as sex and romance and passion for one's vision; some are Tweeting coquettishly right back, as if they don't know, or simply don't care, about the negative press he's received (see that bit above, about The Club). And he's merrily exchanging Tweets with other spruikers (I had to throw a fine Aussie slang term in here somewhere), such as online entrepreneur Benjamin Bressington, whose Twitter handle is mongrelstyle. Recently David wrote:

Grown 67 followers since Tuesday evening ... is that OK?

Benjamin replied:

is that all.... do those people understand you [sic] skills.

Benjamin went on to Tweet sweetly to David about how he, Benjamin, should have followed David's previous stock market prediction reports instead of doubting, but he has now learned his lesson and is looking forward to reading David's 2009 predictions. And in case you're curious, here's another link to the dynamic Benjamin, looking for all the world like actor Jason Alexander, except younger and with more hair.

Well, something must be working in Benjamin's life, because it looks as if he is shopping for a Rolls-Royce. He recently wrote:

I sat in a New Rolls Royce Coupe today, it is amazing almost made me cry it is an amazing car the roof has stars that light up AWESOME.

Later David Tweeted:

@mongelstyle [sic] CONGRATULATIONS ... hear you put your order in for your new Rolls Royce. Can't wait for a ride ... in the back seat!

Those of you who were thinking, "How about in the trunk?" should just stop that kind of thinking right now. I will not tolerate violence on this blog. My first thought was that if Benjamin's Rolls deal falls through, maybe Mr. Fire will let David ride in his Rolls for five thousand US dollars – or $7,500.00, if David wants to be the sole "Phantom rider."

David may not have a Rolls of his own yet, but he still seems to be doing all right, car-wise; he's driving a BMW M5 (base price of current models is around $185,00 USD). Although he has a way to go before he has as many cars as Mr. Fire, he does seem to be trying to play in that league, or trying to get into The Club, as it were. Kissing-up on Twitter is one of his strategies, evidenced by a couple of comments he wrote in response to Tweets regarding Joe's recent $12,500 Awakened Millionaire Weekend, which took place in Austin on January 23-25 (yes, it fell during Cosmic Connie Day). In response to one of Joe's Tweets about the event, David wrote:

@mrfire Well done Joe! What this about a bad economy in the US? Keep changing the world.

Later David "re-Tweeted" one of Joe's Tweets:

RT: @mrfire: Offered $100,000 Platinum Package at end of Awakened Millionaire Training, people rushed to sign up. An inspired, awakened idea.

Alas, Joe has yet to publicly acknowledge David's Twittery overtures. Maybe it is simply because he never saw them. Still, he doesn't hesitate to cite Schirmer's now-failed Succeed Magazine in his promo material. This blurb is currently on the home page of his main website, mrfire.com:

According to Succeed Magazine, Dr. Joe Vitale is one of the five top marketing specialists in the world today and is known to his readers, customers, and seminar attendees as the world's first hypnotic writer.

Though Succeed seems to be on hiatus indefinitely, there is apparently another magazine in the works at Schirmerville:

We are looking for successful people with an inspirational story for the global launch of our magazine. huge exposure. Please Retweet.

I don't know yet whether this is a whole new publication (perhaps in the Chicken-Soup-type inspirational genre) or just another incarnation of Succeed, created to appease the poor saps who paid the hefty price for subscriptions. Either way, I'm sure the world is waiting breathlessly for yet another slick New-Wage rag.

Judging from another recent Tweet, David is also considering either buying or renting a private jet, or at least trying to make people think he is rich enough to consider it:

@getsmartwithjohn Of course I can afford it ... God has blessed me with incredible abundance. I prefer the new Gulfstream 650.

Though I can't find the comment to which that Tweet was apparently a response, and the @getsmartwithjohn Twitter page doesn't seem to exist, there is an @getsmartwithjon Twitter page, as well as a "Get Smart With John" web site at http://www.getsmartwithjohn.com/. The man behind those sites is Aussie John Armitage-Smart. A bit of Googling revealed that among other things, John is a distributor for Neways International, a company that has its own "interesting" history. I'm guessing this is the same John Smart that the aforementioned Benjamin Bressington mentioned in a January 22 Tweet:

Just sitting in david schirmer's office with john smart in melbourne, and it is actually a nice day in melbourne

Here's a picture of John Smart (and I do believe that is Benjamin B in the background).

Twitter seems to be a whole new world for David Schirmer, an over-the-rainbow realm where all of his old troubles have melted like lemon drops. His self-description on his Twitter profile – which I quoted above, but it's so good I'll give it to you again – shows that his gift for spin is still alive and well:

I'm the only Aussie on The Secret DVD, and probably the most controversial, most fun loving, most challenging and direct, maybe the richest?

Uh-huh. The "most controversial" part is true, at least, if by that he means "most sued." "Fun loving?" Well, let's not get into that; let's just say the rumors have been flying for some time now. "Challenging and direct?" Okay, I'll give him that; I bet he has challenged every legal action that's ever been taken against him, and he also seems to be challenging the Aussie authorities to "catch me if you can." And "the richest?" Not to belabor the point, but if he really is the richest, you think he'd have some money left over, after spending it on necessities such as expensive cars and private jets, to pay back at least some of those people...

Now, I'm just speculating here, but to me David Schirmer's boasts seem less like an accurate reflection of his life, and more like a lonely teenage boy bragging to his friends about the hot date he had last Saturday night, when in reality his "date" consisted of his right hand and a pilfered copy of Dad's Playboy magazine (or an unsupervised surfing session on the Internet). The difference is that the teenage boy isn't bilking people out of their life savings.

As for being the only Aussie on The Secret, even that is arguable, of course, if you include creator and producer Rhonda Byrne, whose personal story is told in the movie and the book. It turns out that several other Aussies were originally interviewed as well, but didn't make the final cut. (I often wonder if Rhonda has since had any regrets about the Aussie who was chosen.) One of the originally interviewed Aussies is Sydney's Lynda Dyer, who, as it happens, did make the aforementioned Masters Gathering.

Aussie or not, David Schirmer obviously wants to share his gifts with the world. Canada may be the first baby step; the Schirmers already have two sons in Canada. With two of the spawn in the Great White North, could the parents be far behind? O Canada, don't say you've not been warned! (Hmmm...I feel a song coming on...)

The US needs to be on the alert as well. David recently Tweeted to online entrepreneur Ali Brown, owner of "a multimillion dollar company devoted to empowering women around the world with the tools to live the freedom-based lives of their dreams":

@alibrownla Hi Ali, Where will you be Feb 23-Mar 10? I'll be in the States and would love to catch up.

I imagine he would love to "catch up" to Ali, for several reasons, but I am pretty sure she's too smart for that. Nonetheless, David seems to be headed our way, as indicated by a recent Tweet:

Had a great meeting with John & Ben regarding our launch in the States ... Be there soon!!

I'm guessing that the "Ben" he mentioned is not Ben Fordham of A Current Affair. More than likely it's Ben "I sat in a Rolls!" Bressington. In fact I could just about guarantee that's the Ben he's talking about, as indicated by this entry on Ben's blog, "Catalst [sic] For Transformation," and on his Twitter page:

David Schirmer has told me the train is leaving on his new business, I am excited...I am on the train.

As for who John is, I'm guessing it's the aforementioned John Armitage-Smart. One wag suggested that "John Arguably-Smart" would be a more appropriate name, seeing as how the guy is poised to launch a new business with David Schirmer.

You almost have to feel sorry for Ben and John, but then again, they're just as capable as anyone else of Googling, or of researching just by asking around. After all, it seems that David Schirmer has a long history of convincing people that he has more than he actually has. Many have wound up disillusioned or worse, and some have gone public. (Does the name "Warren Henningsen" ring a bell? Warren was once David's greatest champion, even "protecting" him from a TV reporter when David took refuge in a public restroom. But finally even Warren had enough.)

Perhaps David is simply practicing that "act as if" routine that so many Law Of Attraction fans embrace, talking his situation up as if he's already received whatever it is he wants, even though he can't even afford the deposit. Over the years he has apparently been successful in convincing numerous other folks to buy into his schemes, and that's what keeps him going till the scheme du jour falls through, and then it's on to the next one. Of course, as I've noted numerous times on this blog, he's far from the only hustler who does this sort of thing. But that doesn't excuse any of his wrongdoings.

For now, it seems there's no getting around it: the Mini-Madoff of Melbourne is heading our way, seeking new opportunities in the land of bilk and money. Are Americans too smart for him? Don't count on it. This, after all, is the place where Bernie Madoff and untold numbers of lesser grifters could squeeze billions out of the nation's very richest (I mean, Steven Spielberg! C'mon!). This is the land where even notorious serial scammers like Kevin Trudeau can still make an obscenely good living by packaging hope and magical thinking for the desperate masses, while playing the hero/martyr role whenever they have a run-in with the law.

Really, David Schirmer will fit right in (he even has a head start on the martyrdom bit).

And who knows, he may even make the Masters Gathering project yet. If he's really lucky and keeps kissing up, maybe Mr. Fire will even start returning his Tweets. And if he can just put enough time and physical distance between himself and his troubles Down Under, he may yet be able to get into the V.I.P. room of The Club.

Lord help us all.

For more about David Schirmer, click on the "David Schirmer" tag below this post (this post will probably be on top, but simply scroll down)...or just Google! (Here's another blog, just to get you started. And no, I don't know who this person is.)

PS added February 7: I just received an anonymous disapproving comment today, but even though the person sent the comment as a response to a post I wrote back in November about the presidential election, I think s/he really intended to respond to this post. Rather than republishing the comment up here, I am simply going to link to it. Here's the link. So, Anon, you don't need to tell your friends that Cosmic Connie doesn't have the courage to publish your comment. I published it to the post to which you sent it.

Addendum: February 13
How to ruin a perfectly good friendship in a few easy Tweets:
1. Be a personal trainer for a successful New-Wage hustledork.
2. Exploit the heck out of that association by mentioning it on all of your social networking sites, including Twitter, and by making poor-quality videos with candid shots of the hustledork in your home.
3. Initiate a Twitter exchange with a notorious spruiker who is trying to get into The Club to which your hustledork friend belongs (and to which you are trying to gain membership yourself):

Trainer: @davidschirmer Hi David! Loved your bit in The Secret. I am good friends with Jack. Loving your tweets!!!
http://twitter.com/MarvinTowler/status/1191189466

Spruiker: @MarvinTowler Thanks for your tweet. How close are you to Jack? I would love to catch up with him sometime, we met in Toronto 2 years ago
http://twitter.com/davidschirmer/status/1193786983

Trainer: @davidschirmer Really close. I can get you in touch with him if you'd like?
http://twitter.com/MarvinTowler/status/1198329420

Spruiker: @MarvinTowler Hi Marvin, that would be great, especially if we could make contact for my upcoming US trip.
http://twitter.com/davidschirmer/status/1201287005

4. Wonder why the hustledork has mysteriously canceled his training sessions with you and won't return your phone calls.

Marvin, Marvin... friends don't let friends get involved with... oh, well, let's just sit back and see how this plays out. But don't say I didn't warn you, Marvin.