Friday, March 16, 2007

Fridaze

Hey, it’s Friday! I’m sorry about getting so serious on y’all yesterday. Beware the Ides of March, indeed. Well, you’ll be pleased to know I’m back to normal today with my cheery reporting from the edge of reason. So here I go again, with this special Post-Ides edition of News You Can Use.

Hellacious progress
Yesterday I promised you an update on what’s going on in Hell, where,
by some accounts, every day is Fry-day. (Warning to Blair: There are some pretty unsavory things about Gene Simmons on that link. Proceed at your own risk.)

On the other hand, there are many who believe the Nether Regions – and I’m not talking about naughty bits here, but the world below us – are filled with lost souls who just need a helping hand. If you’ve been following this blog for any length of time, you’re probably familiar with Extreme Lightworker Bryan James of Circle of Lights, who is leading the Nether Worlds Reclamation Project to rescue 50,000,000 lost souls from Down There. Some of these poor things have been stranded in Hell for thousands of years. Anyway, I just got another update via email, and you’ll be pleased to know that real progress is being made, thanks to Bryan and thousands of volunteer Lightworkers:

  • 100% have shown some movement
  • 100% have opened their eyes
  • 66% are walking with some assistance (25% without)
  • 58% are asking questions (e.g., "Who am I?" or "Where am I?")
  • 15% are regaining cognitive ability and attending schools
  • 13% have ordered The Secret.

Ha, ha, just kidding about that last item. But that’s coming, I’m sure. There’s a whole new market opening up for Rhonda and company!

PRIME SOURCE speaks about "the Bad Seed"
Bryan James has also tapped into "Prime Source," aka God, Who actually prefers to be referred to by the former name. According to an email Bryan sent to me, Prime Source has issued a dire warning about our chromosomes.

The ‘Bad Seed’ is a Y chromosome that was placed in your DNA by the Dark. Through this means, you can sabotage yourself from achieving your ascension. Very few people would lose their way under most circumstances, were it not for the severe conditions this creates.

The Seed becomes activated when you choose to live your life contrary to mine. Your lives are meant to be manifestations of me. My purpose was never to create a duel (sic) path, which has caused many to lose their inheritance.

Be a Light. Love unconditionally. Send your Light and Love through out my creation.

Either Prime Source is saying that all men are potentially evil, or He/She/It is saying that we womenfolk also have a Y chromosome, which makes us susceptible to the Bad Seed as well. In any case, as long as you’re living your life in accordance with Prime Source, you should be okay. Just thought you’d want to know.

You must act now! (Or pay Steven to teach you how)
Are you a frustrated actor? Are you tired of getting nothing but bit parts in glorified infomercials? Oh, wait,
that’s not necessarily such a bad gig.

CUT!

Okay, let’s try that again.

Are you a frustrated actor? Are you fed up with getting nothing but shopping-mall grand openings or feature appearances on Celebrity Nose-Blowing? Has your agent fired you?

Well, have you ever considered putting The Secret to work for you – not only to hone your craft but to attract better roles?

Then you will be thrilled to learn about an upcoming workshop from self-described American guru, business yogi, manifestation scientist, and bestselling author Steven Sadleir. Among his many other accomplishments, Steven is director of The Leading Edge Corporation, which teaches corporations and individuals how to squander copious amounts of money on more unadulterated crap take conscious control of their minds. Sadleir, according to a recent news release, "provides practical step-by-step training in using The Law of Attraction to create greater prosperity, happiness and peace."

And now he’s bringing the astonishing power of LOA and The Secret to actors. At the end of the month he’ll be delivering the big Secret to Empowered Actors, a Los Angeles based organization that "provides actors and those in the performing arts access to prominent speakers, information and activities that empower their careers." I first learned of this on Jody Radzik’s Guruphiliac blog, and thought it worthy of passing on.

And to all of us naysayers who have scoffed at the idea that the Law Of Attraction is science, here’s egg on our faces! Sadleir has cracked the code to LOA. According to the news release mentioned above, he has discovered that the process of creating what you want can be scientifically ’splained through the equation (I + E) x F = M, or "Clarity of Intention plus Energy times Focus equals what you Manifest in your live (sic)."

But just knowing this equation isn’t enough. "It’s one thing to understand these laws and another to bring them into practical use," says Pauline Doan, Director of Public Relations at The Leading Edge. She adds, "People need more guidance for these principals to be effective, and that's what we provide them."

Move over, Einstein! (And move over, Scientology, Cruise, Travolta et al., for that matter.)

Secretrons? I’m all Forum!
The more research I do, the more amazed I am at the many different ways The Secret and LOA can be put to use in everyday life. Just a passing glance at
Marcy From Maui’s Powerful Intentions Forum reveals how lives can be changed dramatically by application of LOA. For example, there’s Chantal, who says her balding husband has actually used LOA to grow more hair. Excited Forum mates wanted to know just how he was doing it, and Chantal gladly shared:

He does his hair daily, without trying to "hide" the bald spots.
Before, he would bring his chin down and always focus on the bald spot.
Now, he has his chin UP and doesn't even see it while he does his hair.
He tells himself that he has lots of hair and he also visualize having more while he's brushing them. He keeps telling himself that new hair is constantly growing...
That's about it I think.
I also bought him a new shampoo who thickens hair...so maybe that helps too!
Blessings,
Chantal

And then there’s a guy named Sal, who was inspired by watching The Secret to turn his life around. "I need a mantra for porn addiction!" he pled to his fellow Forum members.

As it turns out, I’ve got a porn mantra that may help: "keepuhtowelhandee."

That’s it for now…back to work!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Chopra, The Secret, and the unenchanted world

I’ve never been a big Deepak Chopra fan. (Does it show?)* Chopra gets points off in my book for several things, including his considerable ego, the Q.M. (quantum mysticism) factor, his former close ties with the Maharishi, and just the general fact that he's been a New-Wage cult figure for over fifteen years.

Even so, I’m granting him some benefit of the doubt when it comes to his opinion of The Secret. Apparently Chopra doesn’t think much of it, as he indicated on the March 9 broadcast of Bill Maher's Real Time. Chopra's distaste has been a topic of discussion on Marcy From Maui’s Powerful Intentions forum and elsewhere.

Not surprisingly, Chopra's dissent, and the apparent reluctance of some other New-Wage megastars to get behind The Secret, is causing a bit of a disturbance among some Secret fans. Is it possible to be both a Law Of Attraction believer and a Chopra follower? Since LOA is touted as a universal law, what does it mean if Chopra, whose insights so many have taken to heart, finds fault with the way this law is presented in The Secret? Some Secret fans think it's all about competition. One person on the Powerful Intentions forum wrote:

... it seems Deepak is concerned about the Secret being competion [sic] to what he discusses and markets. Perhaps he feels his sales could suffer, who knows. He has abundance and blessings in his life that I can only wish and dream about now, so something must be working overtime in his own system.

It is funny that he would criticize the Secret when he is applying the principles to his own workflow and gaining great success. Perhaps modified a bit for his purposes, but...That's what it seems to me anyway.

Another participant wrote:

...it seems that their (sic) is a conflict among the so called "experts'. Deepak is not too thrilled with this whole secret thing and is practically disgusted by it as we could see on the TV today. This is a real problem and it must be discussed in an open manner. I personally think to hell with everyone and more power to so called average people like you and me, even though we KNOW we are not average at all. We are awesome and as good as anyone out there.

Spoken like a true narcissist! Actually, though, this person had a point, and I think The Secret would have been far more palatable to many if, instead of a flock of self-serving New-Wage hustledorks, the DVD had mainly featured average people who seem to be making LOA work in their lives for something more than lassoing a shiny new bicycle or a fancy sports car. But Rhonda Byrne apparently felt she needed marketable "names," not everyday people, to give her project leverage.

I’ve been discussing this and related matters with one of my new pals, Tony Michalski, an author, publisher and blogger who, like me, is no fan of The Secret. Tony is a long-time student of self-help and still likes some of it – he even publishes some of it** – but he thinks much of what is on the market today is schlock. He too has said he is willing to give Chopra a little benefit of the doubt where The Secret is concerned.

As I noted to Tony in a recent email exchange, I am sure Chopra is a bit miffed at the economic success of the Secret franchise, as some have speculated, but I am willing to bet his objections go beyond professional jealousy (if that's even an appropriate term here). Particularly since he is from India and, I would think, is still affected on some level by the devastating poverty there, he surely must be appalled by the materialism and narcissism that pervades LOA/New-Wage culture. And being a deeper thinker than your average New-Wage hustledork, he no doubt thinks that, at best, The Secret presents an overly simplistic view of universal law.

Apart from that, I’m not willing to cut Chopra much slack, thought I do understand why he appeals to so many. When doing some research about him I came across a Salon article by David Beers, written in 2001. Beers made a good point about the ultimate futility of skeptics’ arguments with Chopra’s ideas.

A lot of…credentialed scientists take their runs at Chopra's "factual errors" and "absurd ideas." All of them are wasting their time, because their angle of attack cleanly misses the appeal of Chopra today. What pulls people to Chopra is their yearning to pull free of scientific rationality, or, more accurately, to escape the unenchanted world that two centuries of the Age of Reason has bequeathed us.

Beers went on to cite an essay written in the mid-1970s by Theodore Roszak, "In Search Of The Miraculous." The article was written at a time when the so-called age of Aquarius was really just taking off, but it is as relevant today as it was then. As Beers explains it:

Roszak sees a great cultural divide. At the top stands "a secular humanist establishment devoted to the skeptical, the empirical, the scientifically demonstrable" which is out of touch with "a vast popular culture that is still deeply entangled with piety, mystery, miracle, the search for personal salvation."

There are two ways to interpret this split, writes Roszak. The first is to roll one's eyes, to blame "the hunger for wonders" on "incurable human frailty, an incapacity to grow up and grow rational." If so, "sadly one would have to conclude that the masses are not yet mature enough to give up their infantile fantasies."

But that's not how Roszak reads it. The second view, his own, is to see "the psyche at war" with itself. Each of us contains a critical intellect, but also "the innate human need for transcendence." Philosophy used to bridge the gap, but today's postmodernists have nothing to offer in that vein, having made a fetish instead out of "deconstructing" language rather than asking the questions of Socrates: What is the good? What is life's purpose?

Roszak argues that when super-rational scientists and academics "scorn and scold, debunk and denigrate more fiercely" the longing for wonder within each of us, it is "like scolding starving people for eating out of garbage cans, while providing them no more wholesome food."

Many people, particularly skeptics, would argue that science is providing that "more wholesome food" Roszak wrote about. The "real world," they argue, is sufficiently full of wonders without giving everything a mystical bent. And countless creative people have spent time, effort and money, especially within the past couple of decades, to popularize science and make it more accessible to the masses.

But most people want something more, and, for once, I’m not talking about wanting more "stuff." They want poetry and passion, mystery and magic, and not all of them can get their fill of that in the wonders of science and nature. (It doesn't help that some of those in the skeptics' camp are insufferably sanctimonious and patronizing at times; I myself have been guilty of those faults, at the same time that The Rev and I have been the targets of skeptical sanctimony, for the crime of not being skeptical enough. I truly have been on both sides of this conflict.) Though the worst of the New-Wage hucksters are shamelessly pandering to the sloth and greed that reside in all of us, people who want "more" are not necessarily lazy and greedy. Many truly are searching for a way to transcend the mundane. Many really are looking for a deeper meaning to their lives. And that is one reason why so many have flocked to Chopra for years, and why so many are flocking to The Secret now.

But none of this, in my view, excuses the narcissism and materialism that pervades LOA culture these days. In our conversation about Chopra and The Secret, Tony Michalski (who graciously gave me permission to quote him) wrote:

One of the things I REALLY disliked about The Secret was its Baby Boomer, me-me-me, I want-I want-I want philosophy. As I researched self-help books, you can see how they sort of mirrored the prevailing attitude of the times. The turn of the century books were essentially Christian Science philosophies rewritten to satisfy a wider readership. The 40s and 50s gave us a work-centered philosophy that appealed to the "greatest generation" – the ones who made it through the Depression as well as WWII. With the Baby Boomers, we see a group who didn't really work for anything, but were given everything. Thus, you see "manifesting" become this "I think about it and I get it" type philosophy that was only made possible by the working parents and the working people who invented the new products and methods of production that provided satisfaction of wants on a whim.

With each move, we see the philosophy migrate from the society-centered (the Biblical love your neighbour as yourself) to the economy-centered (Napoleon Hill's T&GR) to the solipsistic (The Secret's focus on YOUR desires).

At each turn, we can ask if this is good? I think the economic-centered is the apex as it allows the individual to prosper as he finds his place within the framework of modern society. The new wave of New Wage brings about a gluttonous self-absorption – a new religion based not on a higher good, but a self-defined good. In other words, it's sanctioned masturbation for the masses.

And (bringing it back to Chopra), Tony's point was that while he's no Chopra fan either, Chopra "does profess to a higher standard than stroking the self. So, I wonder if it is indeed a money-related rejection or if he truly believes The Secret to be contrary to his own beliefs."

That's a good point. Beyond that, Tony has a good grasp of the history of self-help. And I agree with him that baby boomers were the original "me" generation of our times; it could even be argued that boomers are largely responsible not only for the narcissism but also for the sheer silliness of New-Wage culture. But, to borrow a phrase from Billy Joel, "We didn't start the fire." And as most folks know by now, The Secret was initially spawned by Rhonda Byrne’s discovery of Wallace D. Wattles’ 1910 classic The Science of Getting Rich. (Some, of course, would point out that notwithstanding the age listed on her MySpace page, Rhonda is a boomer herself, and who better to smack a New-Wage seal on a century-old classic?)

I do think it's ironic that many members of the generation which at one time famously rejected the crass materialism of its elders is now courting mammon in ways that would make the "antique people" in the late Tim Buckley's old anthem, "Goodbye and Hello," seem ascetic by comparison. Don't laugh, but at one time I thought the lyrics to that song were profound. Now they just sound like a parody. "New children," indeed. (Buckley, by the way, was the father of another singer who died young, Jeff Buckley.)

On the other hand, the New Wage is definitely not just a baby-boomer thing. The Internet is alive with a bustling herd of Gen-X and Gen-Y go-getters, and I always get a kick out of reading their fawning remarks on the discussion forums and blogs presided over by New-Wage leaders. Furthermore, what is commonly known today as "prosperity consciousness" had its roots long before Wallace Wattles. Before Wattles there was New Thought, and of course some of the ideas go back much further than that.

But Tony is certainly right about "gluttonous self-absorption" that characterizes so much of today's New-Wage culture.

Another prevailing characteristic of the conspicuously enlightened set is their disdain for science and Western thought (which, curiously enough, coexists peacefully alongside many New-Wagers' insistence, particularly in defense of The Secret, that their beliefs are based in "science"). Calista McKnight has a good comment on some of the latest "science" claims by Secret proponents.

I’ve also found it amusing that so many "cultural creatives" seem to have rejected the entire Western cultural mindset that has allowed them the luxury of wallowing in their own narcissism. I touched on this briefly some years back in my semi-serious essay, A Few Words From The Wet Blanket At The Mystics' Orgy:

...multi-culturalism is a fine concept, but it becomes a sham when it is presented at the cost of trashing the contributions of Western/European civilization, which, after all, was chiefly responsible for giving rise to a society that affords us the leisure time to dream up multi-culturalism in its present form. Such a sophisticated worldview does not, it seems, come naturally to our species. All cultures, from the most "primitive" to the most "advanced," are inclined to put themselves at the center of the known universe. How about all those Native American tribes who referred to themselves as "The People?" Doesn't that say something about how they perceived everyone else? We all cut our teeth on warped histories. Leonard Cohen (whom I just can't stop quoting), wrote, "History is a needle / for putting men asleep / anointed with the poison / of all they want to keep."

If that is true, then this is also so: to awaken from our sleep and seek a larger worldview is an anomaly in human experience, and it is also a luxury afforded mainly to those who have the advantages of education, time on their hands, and technology (or - pardon my political incorrectness - servants) to take care of the grunge work.

In any case, I agree with Tony that self-help/spirituality trends are very much a product of their times. It might even be argued that, increasingly, the reverse is true as well. The self-help / pop spirituality industry – or, as Chris Locke calls it, the Spiritual-Industrial Complex – long ago took on a life of its own. Living things grow and change, which is to be expected. The question is: are we shaping the New Wage, or is it shaping us? At the very least we can ask, as Tony does, if each new development in self-help is good – and I think we should ask that question.

Good or not, we now have a glut of remedies for the horrors or sheer boredom of the "unenchanted world" that Beers wrote about in his article on Chopra. And to many people who should know better, it matters little if these remedies live up to the sometimes outrageous promises of their promoters, or if they provide anything remotely resembling happiness or fulfillment; it matters only that they are profitable, that they draw in ever greater numbers of readers and viewers. That's why people such as Steve Salerno of SHAM fame have so much trouble getting on Larry King or, heaven forbid, Oprah, whereas The Secret stars get invited again and again. In regard to the self-help movement in general, Steve has asked, and has made a serious attempt to answer, "Is this good?" But because his answer has mostly been "no," he's not the most in-demand guest on the chat shows these days. Those in control at the major media outlets have wholeheartedly embraced the huge cash cow that the New Wage has become, and they now allow it to make its way unharmed through our streets. Never mind that the bounteous bovine may very well be the carrier of an insidious form of mad-cow disease, and that the disease is spreading to all of us. It's all about the money.

Like many, I’m still struggling to find a balance between rationality and transcendence, or at least to reach a point where those two parts of my psyche are longer "at war" with each other, as Roszak would have put it. But, as must surely be apparent by now, I do not think the key to that balance is in The Secret. Nor, for that matter, do I think the key is in Chopra's mystically quantum views of life, the Universe and everything. When it comes to the New Wage, I am very much a part of the disenchanted world.

And for the most part, present post excepted, I deal with this by being either silly or snide. It has certainly occurred to me that the above is way too serious for a humor blog (I blame Tony). I promise to get back to being silly and snide ASAP. Next up: an update on what's going on in Hell. I think you'll be pleased.

* Regarding the "ad parody" above, which was adapted from my BLP (book-like product), Cosmic Relief: I realize that Chopra has not been affiliated with the Maharishi for many years, though he still had some financial interest at the time the original parody was created. And there's no doubt that he capitalized for several years on that association. He even got into a spot of trouble with the Journal Of The American Medical Association in 1991, by neglecting to disclose a conflict of interest concerning an article on ayurvedic medicine that he co-authored.
** Worth noting: Through his imprint, Kallisti Publishing, Tony Michalski will be publishing the revised and expanded edition of Blair Warren's book, The No-Nonsense Guide To Enlightenment.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

A lot to swallow


These days, it seems everyone is trying to cash in on The Secret and the Law Of Attraction. In a wonderful tribute to Rhonda Byrne's vision, people all over the Internet are getting, and spreading, the message of unlimited wealth and happiness, most of which can apparently be gotten while sitting on one's behind. Alas, some of these wealth-building plans are a bit beyond the budget of some folks whose visions are obviously as limited as their pocketbooks. Not to worry; there are plenty of smaller fish in the Ocean of Opulence!

I've blogged about The Spirit of Water folks before, in October and November of last year, but apparently I am still attracting important messages from them. And I just got this notice about The Spirit of Water Wealth Builder Gift Set, so I thought I would pass it on to you.
Water in Action equals the Law of Attraction. The "Secret" recommends using several positive practices to keep your desires in the forefront of your intentions. Water Blessing Labels are a silent reminder of what you want to manifest or change AND they re-structure your water's memory. You benefit both ways! See our website for this month's special gift set: The Wealth Builder Gift Set http://www.thespiritofwater.com
You obviously attracted this too. And you and I have been attracting some other neat stuff as well. For example, there's a guy named Alan Tutt who wrote a book. At least I think it is a book. The email I received not only didn't refer to Alan by name, but it didn't really say exactly what it was he was selling. For that, I had to do a bit of Googling. But the promises he sent me in that initial email, which had the subject line, "The Keys To The Secret," were so intriguing.

The body of the message bore the bold tag lines:

Today You Will Discover The Secrets
That Wealthy People Have Refused
To Reveal To Anyone!

I can’t help but quibble a bit on that one. Wealthy people seem to be crawling out of the woodwork now to "reveal" those Secrets... for a price, of course. But I can’t argue with Tutt’s promise that today could be my lucky day if I buy his product:
  • You too can have a never-ending flow of money.
  • Learn the easy way to attract prosperity into your life.
  • Being prosperous does not require hard work.
  • Bring money, love, health, & success into your life.
  • Learn key secrets to attracting unlimited prosperity forever.
But wait...there's more! Alan is prepared to teach me to...
  • Have anything you want easily!
  • Automatically attract prosperity to you.
  • A million ways to make a million dollars.
  • Simple ways to attract wealth.
  • Overcome barriers and obstacles to prosperity
  • Prosperity Mind! How to Harness the Power of Thought
  • Change your own magnetic properties and start attracting only those things you want into your life!
  • How to take advantage of the most powerful tool available for achieving anything you want!
  • Manifest money, success, happiness, positive relationships, or anything else you want into your life!
  • and MUCH, MUCH MORE!!!
Of course, this isn’t free, because, as Alan explains, “Knowledge gained freely is very seldom appreciated. And I would like to increase my own prosperity somewhat as well.” Well, hey, at least Alan is honest! In any case, whatever it is he has to offer is a real bargain because it's only $39.95 through this email offer. But if I go to his web site, I can not only get the product for nearly eleven bucks less, I can also start right away on my own prosperity by buying resale rights to Alan's product!

For you prissy idealists who find all of this focus on material wealth a little distasteful (and really, I think y'all just need to get with the program), I want to reassure you that it’s not all about money. There truly are some lovely, idealistic people in the LOA crowd. For example, there is Aiden, Child of Light, a member of Marcy From Maui’s Powerful Intentions Forum. Aiden’s Current Powerful Intentions are:
  • To live a perfectly healthy life free of diseases, discomforts, and abnormalities.
  • To create loving, peaceful, and harmonious relationships with my loved ones and others around me.
  • To create financial freedom and abundance.
  • To enjoy life to the fullest.
Aiden’s Life Purpose is equally idealistic: “To create joy within myself and share it with others. To celebrate life!” Under “Values,” she writes: “I am a fun loving, free-spirited Child of Light who enjoys every aspect of my life. I'm kind, loving, and respectful in dealing with others but I'm not bound by rules, regulations, and social norms which only purpose is to restrict people's enjoyment of life. As long as I don't harm others or myself, I'm free to do anything to enjoy life to the fullest without fear or guilt. I'm also very open minded and excited to learn new things that enhance my life.”

But it is Aiden’s Vision that truly got me choked up:
  • To have a successful internet business that creates value for others and in turn provides abundance and wealth in my life.
  • To live in a waterfront mansion surrounded by nature in a tropical paradise.
Who says The Secret and the Law Of Attraction are all about narcissism and materialism?

Okay, I know you're really excited by now. But calm down, go pour yourself a tall drink of water (hopefully, water that's been properly blessed)... and then send me some money – as always, the more, the better – so I can share with you the real secrets of unlimited wealth and happiness.*

* Not really. I just have some debts I'd like to pay off before the world ends in 2012.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Cosmic Connie plays Cupid

I just wanted to post a reminder to all you single guys who are looking for the love of your life. Rhonda Byrne, creator and producer of The Secret, is still single. I don’t know if she’s still dating Tilak or not, but in light of his recent troubles, I’d say any one of y’all has a chance of eventually becoming the next Mr. Rhonda Byrne, provided you haven't been involved in any money or sex scandals. (At least not recently; if it's been a few years, no worries – the public has a short memory, and Rhonda's probably way too busy to research your past.)

And Rhonda is quite a bit younger than many of you may have thought. Although most of the news media have listed her age as 55, according to her MySpace page she is only 37.*

Or maybe it’s just that Aussie years work the opposite way as dog years do. On the other hand, it could be that there are international exchange rates in time as well as currency, and the Australian Year (AUY) currently has a higher value than the US Year (USY).

Or…maybe Rhonda simply used LOA to literally make herself younger. In a world of limitless possibilities, the possibilities are limitless!

On Rhonda’s MySpace page are a string of several heartfelt messages from people who desperately want Rhonda to notice them. One lady who goes by the name "Serendipity Jane" has even suggested that Rhonda put her in The Sequel, which is now in production. Jane, a life coach in Belgium who lists her age as 92 (there's that bothersome exchange rate problem again) wrote to Rhonda:

I'm in turmoil about the secret:

You told it to the world and now I am the only one who still keeps the "part two" of what was hidden beyond the science of getting rich and it is here in my treasure chest.

Like attracts like ... so here is my secret offer for you, Rhonda....

The secret sequel in the making needs another face.

I have mine dusted and shining.

I have a mission and this GOOD news will be preached...until there's no more want!!!

Many blessings.

SJ

Come to think of it, guys, Jane is even cuter than Rhonda. And she’s single too.

You don’t have to thank me. Just the thought that I may have contributed to someone’s happiness is reward enough for me.

PS (added on Monday evening) - I realize the MySpace page could be a phony one – to tell the truth, I can't figure that site out – but if so, maybe Rhonda needs to have MySpace take the page down, or at least make them change that gaudy purple background. In fact, in MySpace's The Secret community alone, there is enough ghastly design work to keep Vince Flanders, of Web Pages That Suck fame, busy for years.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Degree-happy

It is a beautiful Sunday, and spring is breaking out all over the Bayou City. It’s a balmy 78 degrees today, mostly sunny, and the bluebonnets should be popping their heads up any weekend now. The birds are out in force around our house, every one of them intent on producing a mess of little birdlings. All around me the white-winged doves are belting out their mating call, which, depending upon whom you’re talking to, either sounds like "who-cooks-for-you" or "koo-koo-ka-koo." They must be really randy this season, because I’ve even been hearing them throughout the night. Or maybe I’m just having auditory hallucinations.

Anyway, this being spring and all – that glorious time when even nonbelievers can almost believe that God is alive, magic is afoot – I am trying to turn over a new leaf. My powerful intention is to focus more on the positive than on the negative. I truly want to work on my personal growth and expand my horizons. I want to be more than I can be.

So I’m thinking of buying me a couple of advanced degrees. And maybe one or two for The Rev, too, as a late birthday present.

See, I keep getting these emails from New-Wage degree mills metaphysical universities, urging me to buy earn an advanced degree in Metaphysics because it will help me professionally. A Masters or Ph.D., I am constantly being informed, will increase my credibility, thus possibly increasing my earning power. Most important of all, it will help me make the world a better place. And who doesn’t want to do that?

I figure that I’m getting all of these emails at this time because the Universe is trying to tell me something.* The Universe is informing me that it is time for me to become a Metaphysician.

The problem is, I can’t decide on universities. And since I am on a budget, there is also the matter of tuition to consider.

I was talking to The Rev about this and he pointed out that one can obtain a doctorate of divinity from The Universal Life Church for pretty cheap. "That’s fine," I told him, "but I never cared for divinity. It’s too sweet."

"No, I’m talking about a degree," he said. "Focus, Connie, focus!"

So I went onto the Ministry Products page on the Universal Life Church web site. Since I’m already an ordained minister with this Church, it did seem logical for me to start there. I found that not only could I earn a Doctorate of Divinity for a mere $29.95 USD, but I could obtain an entire Ministry-in-a-Box set for only $139.95. I thought about it a while, and decided that since I’m still pretty much an agnostic, it would be somewhat hypocritical of me to pursue my doctorate of divinity, although the Reverend Doctor Cosmic Connie does sort of have a nice ring to it.

I should note that the Universal Life Church offers many other degrees and titles. A few I’ve long been interested in are Universal Philosopher of Absolute Reality; The Very Esteemed; Baroness; and Lay Sister. But somehow these don’t have quite the cachet of "Dr." So I’m pretty sure I’m going for a Ph.D. Or maybe two or three.

But my goodness, there are so many choices! Now, it’s true that the Universal Life Church also offers a Doctorate of Metaphysics for only $29.00. They highly recommend that while obtaining this degree, you also obtain related study materials available from the ULC bookstore.

I admit ULC is awfully tempting and certainly economical, but I’m thinking that one of the larger metaphysical universities might carry more credibility. There is, for example, the University of Metaphysical Sciences. Getting a doctorate seems pretty easy:

The Doctorate Degree has no written or audio lessons. The only work required is writing a 10,000 word doctoral dissertation (equivalent to two book chapters in length) on any metaphysical subject you would like to write about. For instance, if you want the Ph.D. in Holistic Life Coaching, you must write your thesis on a subject pertaining to life coaching. Otherwise, there are no limits to the subjects you can choose. Once you have submitted your doctoral dissertation you will receive your final credentials, the Doctorate Degree, within 6-8 weeks.

And I would also get a chance to earn a second doctorate, increasing my credibility even more.

A second Doctoral Degree can be earned by writing another doctoral dissertation. Many students find the second degree useful, for both the D.D. and the Ph.D. serve different purposes. The D.D. is for those who do one on one work with others, while the Ph.D. gives the student more prestige as an author, teacher and lecturer. Many students earn both degrees in order to meet all their needs for credentials. The second Doctoral Degree must be attained within three years of the first Doctoral Degree.

Of course there may be a bit of a catch; it’s possible that a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree are prerequisites. But that’s not really a problem, because the University of Metaphysical Sciences offers those degrees as well. (A Bachelor of Metaphysics would earn me the right to put B.M. after my name!) I have the feeling that I could purchase a B.M., M.M. and Ph.D. all in one big package deal. Or I might just be able to use my life experiences as credits towards one or more of the degrees.

Another metaphysical college that allows credits towards a bachelor’s degree for previous education, training and skills, is Calamus International University, whose corporate headquarters are in the British West Indies. I’ve been getting quite a few emails from them lately. They offer an amazing array of courses and "student-friendly continuous assessment – no stressful final examinations." For those in a hurry there is this intriguing offer: "No bachelor’s degree and want to achieve a doctorate without taking years? Contact us for confidential specialised advice without obligation." And convenient monthly payments by PayPal are possible.

Good Goddess, I could be swimming in degrees before summer!

So… get ready to start calling me Dr. Cosmic Connie, y’all. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have to go out and clean some more white-winged dove poop off of the mini-van before The Rev and I go out to dinner.

* Either that, or the metaphysical universities just bought a bunch of advertising from my favorite New-Wage spam service.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Mea culpa, mea culpa

The more I learn about The Secret, the more deeply ashamed I feel. I have been so wrong about the motives of the wise and wonderful people who created and starred in that great infomercial. First off, I have it on good authority, though I’ve yet to see last night’s Larry King Live show, that some of the teachers from The Secret did a darned good job of answering all those bothersome naysayers who have been trying to hold humanity back by criticizing The Secret. And I understand that Larry asked the teachers some pretty tough questions! I hear that he even gave some air time to the Dark Side, in the form of a mental-health professional who suggested that The Secret might be harmful in some cases.

Yet the masters were up to the challenge, and from what I understand, they pretty much put to rest any objection people might have about the glorious teachings that were brought to a waiting world by Rhonda Byrne. In fact, one of the masters was so elated over the LKL triumph that he later celebrated by dining on garlic-flavored condoms at a trendy LA restaurant.

And then today, one of my new friends* sent me a link that erased all doubts about the motives of the masters in The Secret. Apparently three of those teachers care so passionately about my well-being that they have banded together with a brand new program to help me get rich. All I have to do is pay them $1,995 USD (actual value $3000!) and I’ll be on Easy Street. I am just astounded that these good-hearted men would allow me access to all of their amazing "secrets behind The Secret" for such a low price. Who says they’re only about making money for themselves?

I must admit this took me by surprise. Of course, if I’d had Blair Warren’s gift, I might have foreseen such a program. But I had no idea. I find myself thinking now of Jody Foster's words during that emotional scene in the movie Contact, as she tearfully beholds the unspeakable beauty and grandeur that has just been revealed to her: "I had no idea. I had no idea. I HAD NO IDEA!"

I am similarly awestruck.

And I find myself sinking into ever-deeper levels of remorse, and yet at the same time rising up to new heights of unspeakable awe, as I learn more about the good-hearted Rhonda Byrne, creator and producer of The Secret. That same friend who sent me the link to the altruistic Secret program mentioned above also sent me a link to a page on Marcy From Maui’s Powerful Intentions Forum. I have blogged about Marcy and her PI community on a few occasions. Well, I was apparently wrong about several points. For one thing, in one of my posts I said that even though Marcy seems to be a big Rhonda fan, Rhonda hasn’t actually contributed all that much to Marcy’s forum.** But I was wrong! Rhonda has a whole big page on the PI web site, on which she shares her grand vision for The Secret. I won’t copy and paste the whole thing, but here are some highlights:

From the moment of discovering The Secret, my vision and my "powerful intention" was that it would bring joy to billions around the world! I knew that the way would be made for this vision to be realized…without a shred of doubt in my being…

I dreamt and knew that The Secret will be in every school and every library across the planet.

I knew any appearance of barriers would dissolve and I trusted that "a way will be made". The universe delivered a sharp blow to me when I tried to tell it the order of these mediums, and so I graciously let go of trying to control that, and then the avalanche began in the Divine Order of the Universe.***

I saw the seas part. I saw all paths open before me, both the ones I knew and others that were delivered to us…

I declared for those who could not afford The Secret, every path will open and I will be shown the way for them to receive it.

Today we are being inundated with requests from hospitals, universities, doctors, schools, health clubs, churches, corporate organizations and companies wanting to share The Secret with thousands. We have people and organizations in poverty stricken countries asking if they can broadcast The Secret to millions....

The Secret has behind it the mightiest force and the greatest intention. It is for the One, the All. It is a film sending out a message of pure love and joy..........being delivered to billions.

And so it will be done, on Earth.

Joy to you all, Rhonda

By the time I reached the end of that missive, tears**** were streaming down my face.

I am truly humbled.

But wait, there’s more! That very same friend who sent me those links also sent me a link to a brand new book that I promise will change your life as it did mine. It will take you far above and beyond even the grandest hallucinations visions of Rhonda Byrne. You may think that’s not possible. But then, you haven’t read the free ebook, The Super Dooper Dooper Secret!

And I really think you should.

PS - If you liked that free ebook, and you like me for suggesting it, please send me my favorite gift, money. If you send cash, any denomination of US currency will do so long as it features a portrait of Benjamin Franklin, one of history’s most famous users of the Law Of Attraction. Or better yet, just send me a money order in any increment of $100.00 USD that you feel guided to send. The Universe wants you to do this.

PPS - This just in: Here is the transcript to last night's Secret infomercial on Larry King Live.

* And when my friend sent me this link, he implied that if I didn’t blog about it he might come and take my salad fork away. So… do I get to keep my fork, T?
** By the way, some of the members of Marcy’s Powerful Intentions Forum seem to be a bit shocked and dismayed that The Secret is associated with MLM programs. Some of these folks are genuinely surprised about this. Maybe these people should have been reading Blair Warren’s blog, or…um…perhaps they should have just been paying attention to the hype that’s been on about a million pro-Secret web sites since months before the DVD even came out.
*** With a little help from some aggressive viral marketing
**** Of laughter

Thursday, March 08, 2007

The sweet buy and buy


I am really beginning to have second thoughts about The Secret.* I’m thinking I have been a bit too hard on this astonishingly successful franchise, particularly in these past few weeks. And I’ve certainly been too hard on some of the Secret teachers. After all, what’s wrong with encouraging people to buy stuff, or with being really, really, REALLY proud of the stuff you’ve bought yourself? Isn’t buying stuff one of the main reasons we’re here on this Earth? Of course it is! I don’t know why I’m being such a stick-up-the-arse about this, especially given the fact that I like to buy stuff too.

And there’s no denying that The Secret has allowed many people to get a piece of that big ol’ prosperity pie we all deserve. The Secret and that other scientystical** masterpiece, What The Bleep Do We Know?!? have encouraged many New-Wage entrepreneurs to create and market some wonderful merchandise to help lift humanity to a whole new level of enlightened consumerism. And it is all based on cutting-edge scientystical research.

Many of these products have made it easier than ever to make good things happen in your life with very little effort. For example, there are temporary tattoos you can put on your body to draw good things to you. There are blessing labels you can put on your water, particularly the water that goes inside you. And you can also use Law Of Attraction principles to bless your food.

I think it’s really pretty wonderful that The Secret and What The Bleep have provided keys to amazing technologies that make it easier than ever to get exactly what you want in life. I think of how difficult and cumbersome things used to be before the key to the Law Of Attraction was revealed to the ignorant masses.

For example, I’m looking at the instructions for a " Full Moon Spell For Love," which is part of a set of "Holistic Resource" cards offered by a company called IMP. According to this spell, here’s what you have to go through just to attract the love you desire. First you have to gather a bunch of stuff, to wit:

1 red apple (preferably organic)
Pink and/or red rose petals
Red pen
Knife
Large sheet of paper
Red ribbon

The card explains that pink and red are the colors of love, so you should use these colors in your spell to guarantee the best results. And once you’ve gathered all your materials, here’s what you have to do:

  1. Write down on pink paper the characteristics you’re looking for in your love match.
  2. Hold your apple up to the Moon (it should be a full Moon), and say, "Lady Moon of sky above, grant my wish and send me love."
  3. Take your knife and use it to carve into the apple an image of two hearts touching.
  4. Sprinkle the rose petals over the paper and use it to wrap them and the apple up, with your writing on the inside.
  5. Bind the package with the ribbon, knotting it three times as you speak your wish aloud.
  6. Take the package to a natural place such as a park or the woods. Bow to the Moon three times as you walk away. You will soon find the love that you desire.

But that seems to be an awful lot of trouble to go to when you can just slap a label on yourself or your stuff and get what you want that way. Or, better yet, just ask your special Secret genie!***

To me, the most exciting message the New Wage has to offer is that you can literally buy your way to happiness and enlightenment. And who doesn't like to hear that message? Whether you’re purchasing a piece of jewelry, a temporary tattoo, a thousand-dollar weekend seminar from a certified Miracles Coach, or a two-point-something-million dollar mansion, total fulfillment really is just a transaction away.

And what’s really exciting is that there’s even an enlightened credit card you can use for many of your purchases.

But wait…there’s still more. In fact, there’s something even better than an enlightened credit card. The Universe has a blank check with your name on it! At least, your name will be on it when you put it on. I read it on The Secret web site:

The Bank of the Universe is now open!

It has unlimited abundance, available to you right now!

Actually it has never NOT been open, but only a few throughout the history of mankind knew of the unlimited abundance that was theirs for the asking.

You must believe that you can receive it, so take small steps with the amounts, if that feels more believable to you.

Place the check in a prominent position where you will see it every day!

Every time you look at the check, STOP!!! BELIEVE and FEEL that you have the money NOW!

This is followed by a link to a picture of the Universal check, which I have thoughtfully included here. I think it is so wonderful of the Universe to do this for us, and even more wonderful of Rhonda Byrne and her pals to make it available to us.

There’s only one little problem that I can see.

The check is stamped, "Not negotiable."


PS - Tonight, Thursday, March 8, 2007 at 9 p.m. EST., CNN's Larry King Live will take a look at the criticisms of The Secret. I am not sure who all will be on, but I do know Joe Vitale will be there speaking on behalf of The Secret. You can send in questions about the topic via email by visiting this link. Who knows, your question might get on the air.

* Not really.
** Scientystical (adj.): Scientifically mystical. Coined by Cosmic Connie a few weeks ago.
*** Or ask any of the Secret teachers. Call now! Smooth operators are standing by, just waiting to take you... I mean... take your order.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Babe in the woods

Today, Dear Ones, I am going to share the stupendous, skirt-lifting news I promised you yesterday. If you thought The Secret was an amazing gift to humanity, the impetus for a permanent shift in consciousness, the harbinger of a wonderful new era in history…well, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

I first learned of the astonishing treasure I am about to share with you when I received an email bearing the subject line: "Thousands quit their jobs after hearing girl’s message." My first thought was, hmmm, Rhonda Byrne isn’t exactly what you’d call a girl, but maybe this is a new marketing ploy.

But I quickly realized this wasn’t about The Secret at all. It was about something far more significant: a series of books from Russia that promise to change my life forever. As I read the message I grew more electrified by the minute:

DON’T MAKE ANY PLANS... WHY ?
Because these electrifying messages will change your life forever!
FOR 10 YEARS THESE BOOKS HAVE BEEN KEPT A SECRET FROM US!
"As I began to read, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and goose bumps rippled down my arms…" WHAT IF something got you SO EXCITED...
You started dancing around the room and you couldn’t sit still if your life depended on it?
You COULDN’T SLEEP – perhaps for days?
What if I told you about a Series of Books that ...
Within minutes of starting, countless readers have ordered 3, 5, even 12 copies to send to friends & loved ones?
• After reading, thousands of people have quit their jobs?
• Have sold over 11 million copies in Europe with no advertising except word of mouth? (That’s ELEVEN MILLION!!!)
• Have created a frenzy of excitement among people from all walks of life?
• Have inspired top scientists and military officers to write poetry and paint?
• Are the most stolen books in some overseas bookshops?
Sounds amazing... but... IT’S ALL ABSOLUTELY TRUE !
Can you think of ANY books, in the entire history of humanity, that have had such a response?
Well these ACTUALLY have! And very few English readers have even heard of them ... until NOW.

And so on.

By now I know you’re so excited you’re about to wet those new underpants you bought just for this occasion. I can hear you begging, "Please don’t keep me in suspense any longer, Cosmic Connie."

Well, now. I find that I rather like to be begged.

But never mind that.

I will not keep you waiting any longer, especially since I have no financial stake in teasing you for months and months about this product. So you’re not going to find any hypnotic copy here – no riveting teasers, nothing to make you drool or want to know more, nothing truly mesmerizing. All you're going to see here is the plain truth, laid out for you in black and white. Or bluish-gray and deep bluish-black, if you're reading this onscreen. I really need to change my blog template.

The product that is about to change your life forever is a growing series of books called The Ringing Cedars series. And within these books you will learn absolutely everything you need to know about life, the Universe and everything, as the late Douglas Adams might have put it.

Just listen to what some excited readers have said:

"Basically, these books make all the books that I've read to date look like a complete waste of paper! .... I think that going through life without this knowledge is a waste of time, and not passing it on to children is a crime. I can say with confidence that nothing like these books exists in the world today." ~ Rafal, Australia

"Truth that has not been distorted by dogma or someone’s ego! I might explode from emotion if I read any more! I had a hard time getting myself to just stand still." ~ Ana, Portugal

"After reading this series I have recommended that … [my daughters] … give away all their other reading materials…" ~ John, Melbourne, Australia

"The book is awesome. I can not explain how very little I have read in my life and certainly I’ve NEVER finished one book I started. This book was different and I could not put it down, ever! The truth lies in there for sure and which I believe is why it is selling incredibly all over the world with no advertising at all." ~D, Canada

Another Aussie wrote, "I did not move until I had read every word – actually I lie – every so often, I found myself jumping up and pacing around the room in a sort of excited dance, only to sit down quickly and keep reading. It was quite late when I finished and went to bed."

And one reader described the day that s/he read the first book in the series, Anastasia (pronounced Ah-na-sta–SEE–ya): "That day my life changed forever. I quit my job! Never again will I waste a precious moment doing meaningless work!" (I couldn’t help but notice that this is a few thousand readers short of the number mentioned earlier in the email, but I don’t want to quibble here.)

Okay, so just what are these books, and, more importantly, who wrote them?

The author is Siberian entrepreneur Vladimir Nikolaevich Megre. According to a bio page I found, "Little is known about Vladimir Megre's early background, apart from a few experiences he himself describes in the context of his writings." I like a man of mystery, don’t you? But just wait till you hear about the mysterious babe he met in the woods, Anastasia. She’s the one who is actually the source of the wisdom imparted in the pages of The Ringing Cedar books.

It seems that some time back in 1994, Vladimir met two old geezers on the bank of a river in the the Siberian taiga. These elderly gents clued him in about the amazing properties of the Siberian cedar, which is known in the West as the Siberian pine. Vlad sort of brushed the guys off, but later did some research and found substantiation for their claims. Being an entrepreneur, he knew there was a way he could make some money off of this stuff. So he organized a boat trip, with his personal agenda being to find out more about the famous "ringing cedars" firsthand. At one point he told the crew to go on their way, and he slipped off to the spot where he’d met the two old dudes the previous year, hoping to see them again and maybe cut a deal with them.

Stopping for a break among the fabled Siberian cedar/pines, he broke off a piece of bark to snack on. Turns out the bark had hallucinogenic properties. First he heard a strange ringing in his ears. And then, behold, he beheld a beautiful blonde.

Okay, I just made up the part about the hallucinogenic bark (as far as I know, anyway). The real made-up story is that instead of finding the old guys, Vlad found this lovely young blonde woman who claimed to be their granddaughter. She said her name was Anastasia. Turns out she wanted to change the world, or at least change Siberia. But damned if she was going to venture out of the woods to do it.

"No problem, милая,* I can help you with that," Vlad said. "Have you ever heard of viral marketing?"

All right, I just made that up too. Vlad was initially touched by Anastasia's youth, her blonde-ness, and her soft supple what he first took to be her charmingly naïve worldview. But then as he grew to know her, he found she was much more than a lovely hallucination stemming from too much solitude and way too much vodka a pretty young woman. She had amazing psychic abilities as well as a great deal of knowledge about the world around her. In fact, she knew an awful lot for a nymphette who'd been holed up in the forest all her life.

Vlad really should have been a little more careful. After the gorgeous golden-haired girl had completely gained his trust, she offered him a drink...and the next thing he knew he was waking up naked, alone and in horrendous pain in the bathtub of a seedy hotel in Leningrad, missing a kidney.

Well, that's not quite what happened.

To tell the truth, I am not sure exactly what happened in those woods between Vlad and the blonde. The text, as is so often the case in the New-Wage realm, is not entirely clear.

…Vladimir came face to face with certain psychic abilities of Anastasia’s which defied explanation, even though they were undeniably real to his perception — inexplicably manifesting themselves in a tragic struggle of virtue against vice which unfolded before his very eyes. He was shaken by scenes somehow presented to him from his not-too-distant past, but from a totally new point of view. Now able to look at his own and others’ behaviour more objectively, Vladimir gained a new appreciation of what Anastasia was endeavouring to do, and in an effort to help, he promised to fulfil Anastasia’s request and write a book about his experiences.

Did you get any of that?

What is clear is that this experience, whatever it was, resulted in this series of books. When Vlad got home he tried to share his experience with others and apparently they just looked at him like he was a wacko. But his experience was so profound that he had to do something, and besides, he’d promised the imaginary blonde Anastasia that he’d write that book for her. In fact, she made him quit his job and devote full time to writing the book, though it seems she did this only after he’d failed at a few of his business ventures. He ended up penniless, and his marriage failed, though whether this had anything to do with his wife being unhappy over his Anastasia obsession, I couldn’t tell you. Let’s face it, Vlad was at a low point. And then…and then…well, who says miracles don’t happen when you’re utterly desperate you just put your heart and soul into them?

Then something incredible happened: without any specialised training, Vladimir Megre launched into writing a series of books which in a very short time became extraordinarily popular, selling in the millions, and would be translated into some twenty languages. Each passing day introduced more and more new readers all over the world to these remarkable writings.

The books set forth — in very clear language — profound ideas about the education of children and the importance of communicating with living Nature — ideas ranging from nutrition and health to spirituality and sexual relations. With their practical wisdom on matters of everyday life, the books have become the basis for a number of sociological studies and scholarly papers.

Apparently Vlad had problems finding a publisher at first, because his writing sort of sucked. But over the course of the first few books, his writing improved, under the influence of Anastasia, he says.** Now the books have taken off like wildfire in other parts of the world, and will soon be sweeping the US, I have no doubt.

But I still haven’t really told you what these books are about, have I? Well, maybe this snippet from the Ringing Cedars Series FAQ page will help illuminate the matter.

What are the books about?
About everything!

Are they fiction or non-fiction?
Neither! We invite you to read the Series to form your own opinion on that.

Is she a real person or a (fictitious) heroine of the books?
When asked this question by the author, Anastasia affirmed that she does exist for those for whom she exists. At a later date she pointed out that it was not very practical to doubt the existence of the transmitting radio station when you are listening to this radio's broadcast. For a further discussion of this matter, please see the chapter entitled "Author's message to the readers" in Book 1 and Chapter "Illusory people" in Book 2.

Would you share with me Anastasia's e-mail or ICQ?
As far as we know, she does not use the ICQ. You can e-mail her in Vladimir Megre's care.

So it seems as if Anastasia is pretty much like everything else in the New-Wage world; “she exists for those for whom she exists.”

I keep thinking of Vlad and the blonde, and that makes me think of... you thought I was going to say Neale Donald Walsch and God, didn't you? No, it makes me think of that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, in which King Arthur imperiously explains to one of the peasants how he became king:

Arthur: The Lady of the Lake – her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king!
Man: (laughingly) Listen: Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some... farcical aquatic ceremony!
Arthur: (yelling) BE QUIET!
Man: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!!
Arthur: (coming forward and grabbing the man) Shut *UP*!
Man: I mean, if I went ’round, saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!
Arthur: (throwing the man around) Shut up, will you, SHUT UP!

But anyway. There’s more good news from Russia with love. Besides these marvelous books, there is also a whole line of Ringing Cedars products. And you too can get in on this amazing enterprise, changing your life and the lives of others by selling cedar to nuts. Or, rather, by selling cedar nuts.

I just know that by now you’re dancing around the room and have already placed an order for two, three, five or twelve copies of each book, as well as dozens of pounds of cedar nuts and a few sets of cedar spoons. I think Anastasia would be proud. And so would the watery tart.

For more Musings about Anastasia, click here, and if you still haven't had enough, fast forward to here (scroll down to the final item, "Anastasia: real because thousands say she is").

* "Sweetie" (at least according to this site).
** Or, perhaps, under the influence of a good editor or ghostwriter?

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Unevolved...or just unimpressed?

I want to share something that might come as a bit of a surprise to some fans of The Secret. You could, I suppose, call it another secret. Here it is: Not everybody who dislikes The Secret, or argues against the assertion that the Law Of Attraction is "scientific," does so because he or she is (1) "not ready" for the message; (2) not spiritually or emotionally evolved enough to grasp Truth; (3) closed-minded; or (4) jealous of the rich New-Wagers who have cleaned up so handsomely on The Secret.

When it comes to the ideas promoted in The Secret, some of us have simply "been there, done that." It’s not that we’re not ready for these ideas. It’s just that, for any number of reasons, we’re not impressed by them. It’s not that our minds aren’t open, or that we are incapable of grasping the Law Of Attraction. Many of us have seriously considered the ideas and rejected them, or perhaps have even embraced some of these notions ourselves at one time, but have since discarded them. (And I daresay most of us who reject the idea that the Law Of Attraction is a scientific principle formed that opinion after studying material produced by real scientists.)

And it’s not that we begrudge the New-Wage capitalists their wealth. Many of us simply take issue with the way some of that wealth has been gained: at worst, by selling empty promises, and at best, by selling…well, the opportunity to sell. Regarding the latter, I think Blair Warren put it very well in this post on his Crooked Wisdom blog. (He took a more cynically humorous approach in this one.) Read Blair’s posts and ask yourself, Do those sound like the words of someone who is "not ready" for the message in The Secret, or who is too spiritually undeveloped to grasp it? Or do they sound as if they were written by someone who has observed the dynamics of New-Wage culture and sees The Secret as little more than another example – though a stunningly successful one – of viral marketing and MLM-style hustling?

As I wrote the other day on a discussion on my blog, someone looking at the "bigger picture" might say that the Secret/LOA phenomenon is just like any other cult, or, in less extreme cases, any other self-help or spiritual path in which people get all caught up. (As a matter of fact, there is a big Secret discussion going on at Rick Ross’s Cult Education Forum.)

When it comes to self-help/spiritual exploration, it seems to me that most of us are either "coming" or "going." And where we are on the path of exploration will have at least some influence on our opinion of The Secret. Those who are on their way in one direction – who are either still in the starry-eyed, "oh-wow" stage of spiritual/mystical discovery, or who've been "into" it a while but have some sort of emotional or financial investment in it – are much inclined to love The Secret. They are the ones most likely to reject or even resent criticism of it, with many dismissing the critics as being negative, poor sports, spiritually ignorant, jealous of the success of others, and the like.

Criticism of The Secret is far more likely to be accepted or shared by those who are on their way in the other direction – people who are experiencing early or late stages of disillusionment – or those who never got much into spiritual and/or self-help stuff in the first place. (Of the latter, I’ve found, some have applauded my treatment of The Secret, while others have thought I’m not being critical enough, or that I am being critical for the "wrong" reasons.)

Even so, we are all more or less on the same road, though it seems to be a very wide two-way street. As I also noted in my recent discussion, some would say it’s a circular track, and I’d have to agree. I've been going round and round on this track for a while, and I keep passing the same people.

Most of you who are regular visitors to this blog have probably read what I’ve written, on my Cosmic Relief web site, about my own spiritual journey, such as it is. For those who haven’t, here are some links:

"Cosmic Connie Confesses" – My "electronic drunkalogue," in two parts:
http://home.swbell.net/moonshad/confessions.html
http://home.swbell.net/moonshad/confessions2.html

The twelve-and-a-half steps of Personal Growth Survivors Anonymous (originally written as a promo for my book-like product, Cosmic Relief)
http://home.swbell.net/moonshad/steps.html

My attempt to get serious about the self-help/new-age culture, written back in my earlier days as a skeptic:
http://home.swbell.net/moonshad/wet-blanket.html

And here’s a bonus, written 13 or so years ago but still relevant today. This isn’t about my spiritual adventures; it’s just a little something for anyone who may have been the victim of a New-Wage practitioner:
http://home.swbell.net/moonshad/new-wage.html

The point is, I'm not new to any of this stuff. I once enthusiastically embraced some of the ideas and teachings that I now lampoon. I've learned some lessons the hard way, and I'm not finished learning.

But I do think I’m getting a little bit tired of writing about The Secret again, especially since I’ve just recently discovered an even more amazing breakthrough. So stay tuned, because what I am going to reveal next is really going to blow your skirt up. I hope you're wearing underpants.