How to take over the world

Those of you who have been with this blog for a while, or who have read a fair sampling of my earlier posts, may remember that there used to be a lot more variety here, back in the day. Besides tackling the bigwigs in the New-Wage biz, I had scads of posts about lesser luminaries and random loonies. There were many days when my blog just seemed to write itself.

A major reason for this bounty was that someone, somewhere, somehow had added my name to the database of a certain New-Wage email marketing service – a very active marketing service. As I've previously conjectured, perhaps someone thought the "Cosmic" in my handle was some indication that I would actually be a receptive audience for these marketing efforts.

No matter; not a week went by that I didn't receive numerous emails advertising various gurus, techniques, technologies, health supplements, books, DVDs, and so forth, not to mention more MLM schemes than you could shake a talking stick at. And the vast majority of it was, well, bat-s--t crazy (and so, for that matter, were the owners of the New-Wage marketing service). But all of it was rich, rich fodder, and like the proverbial lizard on a rock, lazily waiting for bugs to fly by, all I had to do to find material for my blog was just sit by the computer and wait for my "in box" to fill up.

Alas, at some point quite a while back, the light went out of my life. I stopped getting the emails. At first I thought the New-Wage marketing loons had gone out of business, and it made me a little sad, to tell the truth, but a perusal of their web site seemed to indicate that they were still active. "Ah, they finally got wise to me," I thought, not without a stab of regret. Perhaps, I thought, they had been getting complaints from some of their clients about whom I had snarked.

Although I never named my source, referring to it only as "my favorite New-Wage spam service," it's possible that my targets put two and two together, particularly since there weren't all that many New-Wage spam services regularly sending out the kind of stuff I was writing about. In fact, I remember my pal Steve Salerno of SHAMblog was on a radio show some time before the spam service pulled the plug on me, and one of the other guests on the show was a New-Wage ninny who had received my loving attention more than once, thanks to her emails I had received via the New-Wage spam express. I didn't catch the show, but afterward Steve told me she'd said something to the effect that she didn't mind critics, but she took offense at people like "that Cosmic Connie person" who just engage in random sniping.

In truth my sniping was only as random as the marketing campaigns of my targets, but I felt kind of honored when Steve told me that. I wasn't surprised, though. As it happens, more than one person has complained about what they feel is gratuitous sniping, though that's just the tip of the iceberg, complaint-wise. (I've also been called a pathetic little loser who creates nothing of value and is not even worth the effort it would take to counter my criticisms (although many have made that effort nonetheless). I've been called far worse things than a loser, including a word that rhymes with "runt." I've had people call me a Nazi and a hate-monger, and some have said they wish I would die a horrid death. And so forth.) It pretty much all slides off my back.

But I have to admit that my feelings were a little hurt to realize I may have been rejected by the New-Wage spam email people.

I let it go for quite a while, though, since I had a sizable backlog of urgent matters to blog about. Then finally at one point I tried to sign up to get back on the loony-tunes email list, but their web site wouldn't allow it. I tried under another name and email address, and then another,and I tried from different computers, but the site still wouldn't allow it. However, it seemed to be a malfunction on their end. Finally I gave up, resigning myself to having to make do with my other sources of inspiration. But I sure missed my New-Wage spam service.

And then the other night I was browsing around the Net and found a web site that is, in its own way, a source of looniness that is surely as richly loony as anything my old friends had to offer. The battiness showed up not as emails but as display ads on the web site for the radio show of one of my more 
famous snargets. I looked at some of those ads and felt as if I had come home.

The first one that caught my eye was undeniably hypnotic, as another one of my favorite snargets might say. It read: "HOW TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. MAN'S MASTERS REVEALED. BUY THE BOOK NOW."

Excitedly I followed the link. [Update: The link no longer seems to work. So you'll just have to take my word for it. ~CC, March 2010] And what I found just blew me away. It was an ad for a book that promised to finally tell me what's really going on, who's really running the world, and how I can run the world myself, evidently replacing the nefarious forces that are in charge now. But I quickly learned this information wasn't for the faint of heart.

You must be warned however, that the information will rattle your current view on life. It isn't for the brainwashed imbeciles who the political giants sweep away with the wave of a hand. It isn't for those who whine, cry, and complain about their own circumstance. It isn't for people who expect to be saved by others. No, it is for those who are brave enough to swim in deep waters! For those open minded enough to challenge their own beliefs in search of the truth! For those who are tired of being dictated by external forces and wish to free themselves of the prison they are in! Yes, it will be tough for most to comprehend, but you have a choice. Either you continue your slumber, or you can choose to be awakened to the history of mankind that has been HIDDEN!

Look at your world. What do you see? A slave race. That's right, a heiarchy [sic] with a servant race. Human beings are programmed through a built-in slavery system to become workers for the rest of their lives. Human beings are an organic robotic race. They are not living free. They are living in a nightmare. They hate each other, fight wars, police one another, and use deception. You see, humans are being suppressed and it is breaking the limit. Life is not about working, it is about love.

And just to show how serious they are, the authors offer an excerpt from the book:

"How does one take the world? This question has been asked by many. You may be one of them. No, that doesn't make you bad, or guilty of anything except for asking the question. Most people at some time, or another have pondered about this. Many have tried! Throughout histroy [sic], there have been men and women who have fought and bled and sacrificed to accomplish this goal. Some have even come close! Go ahead, make a list of all the people you can think of who have tried to do it. Names like Napoleon, Stalin, Alexander The Great, The British Empire, Caesar, Hitler, and The Ancient Arab Kings may come to mind. Or characters from various fictional stories such as Star Wars, Superman, etc., fill that profile. However, they have all failed. You will learn from this book, WHY they all failed. Even those who have attained it were unable to sustain it. All of their glory was short lived. It's like an athlete doping himself up with hard core drugs to win the competition only to live a pityful [sic] existence after his glory days. This book is to educate you. Also, you will see how it is done correctly by those who have done it...and are continuing to do it."

However, I should warn you that their refund policy is not very liberal.

Warning: Due to the highly controversial nature of this book, no refunds are given. You are either ready for this, or not.

But hey, it's only $14.99 (marked down for Christmas from $29.99). And you'll get "12 Mini-Ebooks free on personal development!"

But wait, there's more! On the very same web site where I found the How To Take Over The World book, there was an ad for a site offering products that will help you survive whatever's coming. For example, here's one that tells you how to hoard food. And here's one that tells you exactly what to expect in 2012.

I bet that by now you are so excited you're about to wet your pants, if you're wearing pants. You are probably going to want me to reveal the site where I found these ads. Well, for only $500.00, I will tell you.

Okay, since it's almost the holidays, I'll give you a $500.00 discount.

So where did I see these marvelous loony ads?

Are you ready for the answer?

And do you like my short paragraphs?

Are they hypnotic?

Are you sure you don't want to give me $500.00 to tell you?

Well, it was worth a shot.

Okay. The site on which I saw the above ads is... The Kevin Trudeau Radio Network, or, as I now like to call it, Loony Central.

The Kevin Trudeau Radio Network site is a clearinghouse not only for political wingnutty stuff that would make Rush Limbaugh and FOX-TV proud, but also for healthnutty stuff – which is only fitting, since Kevin is a noted health expert – and, increasingly, New-Wage stuff. (Take a look at the banner ad that's currently on top of the page and you'll see what I mean, regarding the latter. The ad shows the mugs of Rev. Michael Beckwith and Dr. Wayne Dyer, and bears the tag line, "For health and happiness, you must be balanced!" And then look around at the other New-Wagey stuff on the site. This kind of invalidates some bloggers' longstanding observation that the New-Wage is inexorably bound to the liberal left. There doesn't seem to be much room for libs on Kevin's site, but there's plenty of room for New-Wage loons and hustledorks.)

Interestingly enough, two other ads in the section where I found the sites linked to above are the International Pool Tour and NaturalCures.com, which are Kevin's sites, so I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he also had some interest in the Take Over The World site, the Food Hoarding site, and the 2012 site. On the other hand, the latter three sites seem a tad unprofessional looking for a professional scammer of Kevin's caliber. So they probably aren't his. But the ads clearly have a place of honor as sponsors* of the Kevin Trudeau Radio Network, and I have no doubt that they are targeted to the same gullible audience Kevin targets.

As you may recall, I have paid homage to Kevin – who is more commonly known here as Kevin True-dough – on my Whirled previously, most notably in January of this year, and then again in July. It seems pretty obvious that all of the government's efforts to interfere with Kevin's livelihood have not stopped him. Although he is banned until 2011 from doing TV infomercials for his products, and has been fined out the kazoo by the government, he just keeps on keeping on. He just paid a visit to my home state this past weekend for some head-huddling with a few of his fellow entrepreneurs (Joe Vitale and Pat O'Bryan) in the little Hill Country town of Wimberley, Texas. (Pics and exclusive video interviews coming soon! Or, as one of the participants in the secret session wrote, "This is dynamite. You're not going to believe what you're seeing.")

So I'm sure we'll see some marvelous products and business ops coming out of that meeting. After all, Kevin may be banned from doing infomercials, but there's nothing to stop him from finding numerous other ways to extract money from the masses, particularly if he teams up with some in the New-Wage biz who are also experts in the Law of Extraction (as my friend Blair Warren once described on his late lamented Crooked Wisdom blog), and, most importantly, who have huge lists that Kevin wants to get his paws on.

Speaking of extraction, I also found something intriguing towards the very top of the pile of ads on Kevin's Radio Network site. This has to be the MLM scheme to end all MLM schemes. It's called the Global Information Network, or GIN for short. Actually it almost sounds as if whoever came up with this scheme either had a little too much gin themselves, or they're banking on the possibility that their marks will be a bit impaired.

What is GIN? According to the web site, it is "a Multi-Form Foundation organized in the country of Nevis." Nevis?!? Wow, if that doesn't have "in your face, U.S. Government!" written all over it, I don't know what does. But never mind that. One of the first things you learn is that GIN is a very, very, very, very exclusive network. It is also confidential. Don't believe me? Then take a look at this:

GIN provides its members with exclusive, confidential, never before released information regarding:

• Law of Attraction
• Money Making Opportunities
• Investing
• Worldwide Real Estate Opportunities
• Stocks, Bonds and Trading
• Commodities, Worldwide Currencies
• Off-shore Banking
• Asset Protection
• Natural Remedies and Cures for Illnesses
• And much more

So how do you join? Well, I'm sorry to tell you this, but membership is by invitation only. On the other hand, there is a publicly accessible page where you can apply for membership. On still another hand, you apparently have to have some kind of invitation code from an affiliate in order to complete the form.

Apply today for membership. Simply go to the Global Information Network website and click Join now. Fill out the short application.

Do it today..

Remember, you have been handpicked and hand selected to become a new member in the Global Information Network. You truly are special. Wealth can be yours. Emotional well being can be yours. Financial freedom is within your reach. Dynamic vibrant health and prosperity for you is now at hand.

Sign up today as a member of the Global Information Network and... May you never be the same.

The very fine print at the bottom says:

We are an informational organization. We are a "member sharing with other members" private association. We do not provide financial planning, tax, legal, investment, or medical advice. Consultation with independent expert advisors is strongly recommended. We are not a business opportunity.

Not a business opportunity, eh? And yet there is this page on how to make money with GIN, which says:

The first way to make money is to “sell” memberships in GIN. Another way of saying it is you “refer” people to join as members in GIN, or you “sponsor” people into GIN. All the terms are synonymous. The main issue here is that all commissions are based on the sale of a real product, which is a membership in the Global Information Network. Please refer to the GIN website and listen to the audio entitled “member benefits” describing GIN member benefits to see the amazing value of the product.

For everyone you get to join GIN as a member, or another way of saying it, for everyone you get to buy a membership in GIN, you are paid $200 commission. If you get just 5 people to join GIN as a member, you make $1000. That covers your initial membership dues. If you get 10 people to join GIN as a member, you make $2000. If you get 100 people to join GIN as a member you make $20,000. Anytime and every time you get someone to become a member in GIN you earn $200 commission. Because of the experts that are behind the GIN opportunity and their unparalleled successful track record generating over 100 Billion dollars in sales worldwide, we have insider marketing secrets using the internet and mass media marketing that can help you to potentially get many people to join as new GIN members. WE will provide you with all the secrets that can teach you how some members have signed up as many as 1000 new GIN members in just 60 days earning over $400,000 in just 60 days!

And yet, and yet...there's this, in small type at the bottom of the page:

Please note that all examples are for illustration purposes only. We make no income claims. Your income and success is solely based on your efforts, skills, market conditions, and a variety of factors. We do not promise nor claim you will make any money with this offer. Void where prohibited by law. Examples of past earnings do not guarantee future results. Individual results will vary. You could make more or less than discussed. Please review and fully understand the member agreement, terms and conditions, and affiliate agreement before joining. Never spend more money than you can afford to lose. All commissions are based on the sale of the product. The product is a GIN membership. You are not required to spend any money ever to join. There is no fee to join. You are not paid by recruiting people as affiliates. You are only paid commissions by selling memberships. You are not required to attend any meetings. You are not required to buy any sales or marketing tools. You are not, and never will be required to become a member in GIN. Based on a full legal review, we believe that this program complies with all laws where offered. Gin will comply with any and all changes in its affiliate commission marketing plan, that may be required from time to time as laws change where offered. Gin is not a business opportunity or franchise.

It's up to you to figure out what GIN (or "Gin," as it became towards the end of the copy) really is. But FYI, here's the link to the page explaining "Levels of Membership" (and the information on every level beyond Level 1 is "classified"). For even more insight, or perhaps just more confusion, here's a discussion about it on the Prison Planet forum. And really, you owe it to yourself to read this, for the laughs alone. Whether or not you can make mountains of money with GIN or Gin I can't tell you, but with Kevin Trudeau as one of your business partners, what can you lose?** So are you excited yet? Good, then go join GIN.*** Or go enjoy some gin. As for me, I'm just going to stay here and take over the world.

PS ~ The picture at the top has nothing to do with KT Radio Network or any of the ads I've found on that site so far. It is, very simply, a loving tribute to the owners of the New-Wage spam service I mentioned above. I was going to write another post on them to follow up my Ra Data post and my mention of them in the MystiCouples piece (second item down), but never got beyond this brief teaser. Someday, maybe.

PPS added 25 November: More on the exclusive Kevin True-dough video shot in Wimberley – something to whet your appetite (or perhaps ruin it).

PPPS ~ For more about True-dough's GIN scheme, see my December 4 post, "Illuminutty: the secret brotherhood of the chronically gullible."

* Here is a link to the complete list of "sponsors" of KT's radio show.

**Aside from your shirt.
*** I feel compelled to add this disclaimer, for the benefit of those who might have any doubt whatsoever: I do NOT recommend that you join GIN. I was being facetious. This is clearly another True-dough scheme in which, once again, he purports to offer some sort of forbidden knowledge that will transform your life and make you happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise. And it is my opinion that if he's bringing any of his New-Wage buds into this or any similar venture, you seriously need to hold on to your wallet.

* * * * *

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