Couples therapy

April 27 is a very special day for me. Not only was it my late paternal grandparents’ wedding anniversary, but it is also my AA "birthday," or "clean day," as some call it (though I should note that I haven’t been to an AA meeting in years)…and it so happens to be the nine-month anniversary of Whirled Musings. Yep, WM entered the blogosphere on July 27, 2006, and has been whirling around madly ever since. So I am going to celebrate this very special day by blogging, thinking about my grandparents, and then going out and getting plastered. Ha, ha, not really. I’m going to celebrate today by doing something a little different: holding a New-Wage popularity vote. And what you’re going to be voting on, if you so choose, is your favorite Mystical Couple, or MystiCouple.

I think you know the kind of couple I’m talking about. If you don’t, click on the links below and you’ll quickly get up to speed. I was guided to sponsor this vote by a group of disembodied beings known collectively as Abr… no, wait…I was inspired to sponsor this vote because lately I’ve been getting spam emails from several of the hardest working MystiCouples in the New-Wage world. These are couples who are truly making a difference in the lives of others by unburdening them of bothersome things such as money. I think it’s a beautiful thing when two people can strengthen their union and help make the world a better place by scamming spreading their wisdom to others.

Voting in this contest is very simple; just send a comment naming your favorite MystiCouple. Pick from the couples listed below, or if you wish, write-ins are acceptable as well. And by all means, feel free to elaborate on the reasons for your choice. (Do take the time to follow the links to the videos, music clips, etc. so you can truly get a feel for the work of these MystiCouples.)

But do yourself a favor, and try NOT to imagine these couples having sex.*

Allrighty then… Vote early, vote often, and have fun!

Sri and Kira: from Atlantis to New Mexico 
You’ve met this happy couple here before. "Wisdom Teacher" Sri Ram Kaa and "Angelic Oracle" Kira Raa actually have been called "The Mystical Couple Of Our Time" by the Albuquerque Journal. (But that doesn’t mean they’re the only MystiCouple, or even the best one, so don’t let that influence your vote.) Together they run The Temple Of Self-Ascension (TOSA), kind of a combination education center and ranch that comes complete with free-range aging hippies and a few llamas (or perhaps they are actually Ascended Masters who have chosen to assume the llama form for this Earthly incarnation).

Kira is the Myssus of this couple, and she’s been dubbed the Angelic Oracle because apparently she went into convulsions one day and started channeling messages from the Archangel Zadkiel. I’ve learned all sorts of fascinating things from Kira and Sri. For instance, did you know that The Lost Continent of Atlantis apparently had Internet access? Kira and Sri originally got together on Atlantis, yet on a recent video they said they met on the Internet. Wow. You just can’t find information like this anywhere else.

Sri and Kira hold lots of gatherings, celebrations and whatnot on their TOSA digs in New Mexico. A fairly recent event of note was the consecration of an 18-foot "Merkabah of Self-Ascension" in September of 2006.

Here’s a video that will give you a good overview of what this MystiCouple is all about. Prepare to be deeply touched.

RA-Ja and Moi-RA Dove: keepers of the Temple of Knowledge 
You might call them the Harold and Maude of the New Wage, if you can imagine Harold not as a gawky young man but as an aging hippie who did WAY too much LSD a few decades ago. The Mysster in this couple – RA-Ja "Merk" Dove – is no spring chicken by any means, but I would imagine that the Myssus – octogenarian Moi-RA "Lady Of The Sun" Dove – has him beat by a few years.I blogged about this odd couple a few months back. Collectively known as the StarDoves, Moi-RA, left, and RA-Ja, right, spend their days accessing beings from other dementias… er… make that dimensions… to help bring about a new era for humankind. They travel the US of A in a Winnebago, spreading enlightenment wherever they go and doing the New-Wage equivalent of shopping mall openings, e.g., presiding over stargate openings and the like.
This MystiCouple consider themselves the "Ground Crew Instructors" for their Aquarian Temple of Knowledge, which, they explain, "is overseen by a Host of Goodly Extra Terrestrial Savants and Ascended Masters from other planets and dimensions." They offer two courses: "One especially for Star People and the other on Healing."

They also provide numerous services, of which they say the most popular and longest-enduring is "the bestowal of the Star Name." For a price ranging from $77.00 to $100.00, depending upon whether the service is performed by snail-mail or email, telephone, or in person, the StarDoves will "place your soul essence beneath our Cheops pyramid and use Aquarian Star Gematria to render your star name from your star soul. The Akashic Record is consulted. Tremendous empowerment accompanies your new star name!"

Here is a video of Mysster Dove, decked out in full Pharaoh regalia, speaking at a stargate opening in Florida. Joy to the world!

Gabriel of Urantia (née Sedona) and Niann Emerson Chase: much misunderstood

Here’s a couple who has been fighting negative press for years, and yet their New-Wage organization, The Global Community Communications Alliance, seems to be stronger than ever. The artist formerly known as Gabriel of Sedona, who now calls himself Gabriel of Urantia, lives with his common-law wife Niann and countless minions on their compound, The Aquarian Concepts Community, in magical mystical Sedona, Arizona. Through their Global Community Communications Alliance they provide a broad range of services, from education to counseling to guided tourism to real estate sales. Most of all they humbly exist to be of service to humanity. Gabriel, the Mysster in this couple, has been quoted as saying, "Everything I do is justified. I am the mandated ruler of the world."**

And Gabriel is much more than a savior of humankind and ruler of the world; he is also a musician of some note*** who has invented a brand new genre he calls CosmoPop. It’s not just New Age music; though it does bring to mind Chris Locke’s comment on same, CosmoPop is ever so much more. As lead vocalist in a band called Gabriel of Urantia and his Bright and Morning Star Band, Gabe sounds somewhat like I imagine Neil Young would if Young were totally incapable of carrying a tune and had been kicked in the balls and then run over by a Mack truck. He (Gabe, that is, not Neil) is backed by some decent musicians, as well as a couple of shiny happy NAGs (New Age Gals) – Dawn to his Tony Orlando – with radiant faces but slightly sour voices. Or maybe it’s just my sound card. Anyway, you definitely owe it to yourself to preview Gabriel of Urantia and his Bright and Morning Star Band. Treat yourself to each and every one of the song clips; in particular, do not miss "Wake Up America."

And then take a look at this video clip, in which the Mysster and Myssus defend themselves and their organization against their detractors.

Jerry and Esther Hicks: the secrets behind The Secret
On first glance, it might seem that Jerry and Esther, the George and Gracie of the New-Wage world, don’t really belong here. To begin with, unlike most of the folks mentioned above, they don’t look as if they haven’t bought a new wardrobe or hairdo since 1969. They’re actually pretty ordinary looking. And if you count their imaginary buds The Abe Gang, they add up to more than a couple. But since we normally can’t see The Abes, I maintain that Jerry and Esther qualify as a MystiCouple. And who really cares if they don't look like refugees from the original Woodstock? It's the message that counts.

You’ve run into J & E before on this blog, as well as all over the Internet, since they were a big inspiration to Rhonda Byrne before she got too greedy and dumped them from The Secret franchise. Which, of course, is no big loss to them; they’re still raking in the dough. And like the StarDoves, they’re traveling around the US of A in their big RV, spreading the wisdom of the ages. They also sponsor sea cruises to all sorts of nifty places. To hear some samples of Jerry, Esther and The Abes’ wisdom, click here.

* * * * *

Well, there you have it: four of the hardest-working, most creative MystiCouples in the business today. I’m sorry I couldn’t include arguably the greatest MystiCouple of all: Reverend Ron and Cosmic Connie, but, as you know, that would be a conflict of interest. And it just wouldn’t be fair to the other MystiCouples listed here.

Now start voting!

* I guess I’ve pretty much ruined YOUR weekend, haven’t I? Sorry.
** One of Gabriel of Urantia's followers has told me that in eleven years of knowing the man, he has never heard Gabriel say or imply anything remotely on the order that he, Gabriel, is the mandated ruler or that everything he does is justified. I don't know; I am only quoting this article (also linked to above) that was written by numerous ex-members of Gabriel's community.
*** A sour note, that is.