When you say nothing at all

Lately I’ve been hearing a lot about a clown mystic from Sri Lanka* who goes by the name of Tilak. It’s hard to say who Tilak is and exactly what he does. Goddess knows his followers don’t seem all that concerned, even though, as it happens, some less than flattering things have been circulating about him in the blogosphere – most notably, on the Guruphiliac blog – and in the print media for years. (If you follow the first link above, scroll down to the October 25, 2005 entry.)**

Tilak’s web site isn’t exactly forthcoming, managing to employ multiple paragraphs of words to say nothing at all. Chase those annoying Flash-animation bubbles around for a bit, and you get little more than air. Here, for example, is his bio (and I had to type this by hand, because the site wouldn’t let me copy and paste):

Tilak was born and raised in Sri Lanka. Even as a young boy, he displayed unusual abilities and sensitivity, which allowed him to touch the life force in all things around him.

Today, he activates this energy as a transmission to expose people to a heightened sense of energy and to erase any darkness and pain, bringing a cool light and cool breeze to the mind, body and spirit. Most people experience this space as a burst of joy and lightness. This enables them to experience a new opening in their lives without going back into their stories and self-sabotage.

To describe Tilak as a teacher, healer, mystic, philosopher or guru is to limit who he is. His work is not based on any religion, tradition or lineage. He is unique, and the experiences he offers are boundless.

In other words, nobody really knows who Tilak is, and Tilak, apparently, likes it that way.***

But maybe the mystery is most of the allure. He does seem to have a number of devoted followers, mostly female. Marcy From Maui, giddy founder of the Powerful Intentions web site and possessor of a childlike enthusiasm about everything on God’s green Earth, recently attended a Tilak event / birthday party in Las Vegas, where Tilak hangs his hat these days when he's not in LA. Marcy writes on her blog:

Hanging with Tilak is like a combination of playing with Harry Potter, The Dalai Lama, and Jim Carrey!

Tilak has an amazing gift.

When he blows on you, you see an explosion of lights and color and go into a place of total allowing!

It is like taking drugs without the drugs!

There is no way I can really describe it….

Working with Tilak has expanded me to places I had never even imagined! Alignment and Well Being just flow through me and the most amazing things start to manifest with Ease!

Like hanging out at the Bellagio trying to keep a "game face" while we all were having an experience that can only be described as "Harry Potter dates the "Your Wish Is My Command" Genie from The Secret!

Marcy is a big Secret fan, in case it isn’t obvious. And it so happens that Rhonda Byrne, creator of The Secret, was also at the Vegas event. On her blog, Marcy posted several photos from the trip, one of which shows her standing in front of a sculpture of what looks like a mallard duck with a bright orange bill. In the background are several bright orange pumpkins, which one would think is understandable, since the Las Vegas event took place around Halloween. But, Dear Ones, that is such a non-magical way of looking at things. Marcy knows better: "See the orange on the bird's bill? That is one of the colors I saw everywhere, thanks to Tilak, I kid you not!" She didn’t mention the pumpkins that Tilak had also manifested just for her.

Marcy wrote this blog entry two weeks after the trip, and says that in the time since then, everyone who participated in the Tilak event has "manifested huge expansions!" These include "expansions in People seeing The Secret and Joining our community, Contacts, friends, money, opportunities and real Magic and Mystical experiences!" Capitalizations are all Marcy's.

I have a sneaking feeling that The Secret sales would have continued to expand even without Tilak’s magical influence.

Okay, so we know the man has a sense of fun, a knack for the mystical (or at least the magical – sleight of hand, hidden mouth lights and the like). The big shtick seems to be his gift for blowing on people and making them see lights and colors. The cost of a Tilak "experience" varies, depending upon which Presentation, Retreat, Excursion, Portal or whatever is involved. (The Las Vegas workshop and birthday bash was listed at $875 a head, excluding air fare and accommodations.)

Tilak also sells private "Sessions" and invitation-only "Intensives," which vary according to the attractiveness individual needs of the follower(s). But on the web site there is very little solid information about what any of these experiences actually are; there are only nebulous and flowery descriptions. I am sure Tilak's followers would say that this is because every experience is different, and besides, as Marcy From Maui implies, a Tilak experience absolutely defies description.

In fact, Tilak and his followers all seem to be making it up as they go along. According to Tilak’s web site, he doesn’t even have a formal office or staff; a cadre of volunteers helps get his message – whatever it may be – out to the waiting world.

In addition to the in-person "experiences," it is possible to experience Tilak in other ways as well. After chasing the "Books & CDs" bubble around the screen for a while,**** I landed on a page that listed some CDs and tapes of live Tilak events. The recordings, I was informed, are all produced by volunteers, and "sometimes the sound may fade, a question from the audience may be inaudible or the camera may move unexpectedly. Yet these recordings capture the energy, insights and openings that Tilak offers."

In other words: piss-poor production values. But at least the items are not terribly expensive. Production values aside, it's a sure bet that the CDs and books cannot offer the "drugs-without-the-drugs" experience of being blown on by Tilak. For that you have to be in his presence. Only then can you experience not only "weightlessness and timelessness, but a deep, profound sense of connection with your essence." Or maybe with Tilak’s essence, if you get lucky.

Nothing against mystical clowns, but I think I’d rather have drugs.

* Yes, I realize that the picture of Krishna and his devotee is not Sri Lankan in origin, and that in fact Sri Lanka is a predominantly Buddhist nation, whereas Tilak himself claims no allegiance to any one faith. But the pic just seemed to fit somehow.
** You will see, if you read the comments on the Guruphiliac posts, that a few folks (Tilak fans, no doubt) are questioning the motives of the blogger. Motives aside, I believe in the old saying that where there’s smoke, there’s fire.
*** My apologies to A.C. Weisbecker, author of the book, Cosmic Banditos, whose own biography reads much the same way.
**** Y’know, I really hate those friggin’ "because-we-can" web sites that utilize bubbles and balloons and other cutesy things you have to chase around for fifteen minutes in order to follow a link. IT’S NOT CUTE, CLEVER OR CREATIVE. IT’S ANNOYING. Good Lord, I’m cranky today.

Rat here, rat now

You might say it all began when Harrison "Hairy" Palms entered an altered state. But Palms, author of the Ratavar® Materials, is quick to deny that he is the creator of this amazing technology that literally holds the key to the secrets of the Universe. "I am only the vehicle," he says modestly, stroking the bushy and now-graying beard that earned him his nickname.

Even before discovering Ratavar®, Palms was somewhat of a visionary. A research lab worker by day, he was an artist and writer by night. "But I was becoming more and more dissatisfied with my day job," he explains. "And I was growing increasingly doubtful about the morality of what the lab was doing to the research animals. My position was Assistant Animal Handler, Rodent Division; it was my job to go around each day and interact with the white rats in order to keep them accustomed to human handling.

"Traditionally, rats have been looked down upon as symbols of death, disease and destruction, but in the lab I came to know them for what they really are: intensely intelligent beings with the same divine spark that breathes in us all."

The growing moral anguish and the generally unfulfilling nature of laboratory work finally became too much, so Hairy resigned his position in the late 1970s and began what was to become a decade of studying the nature of creativity and consciousness.

"I'd always been fascinated with creativity and the process of creation, particularly the spiritual aspect of creation," he says. He began reading about all of the major spiritual traditions of the East and the West. Meanwhile he continued to create his art, and he became renowned for his Ars Rodentia series – brilliant, critically acclaimed finger paintings of mandalas with rat motifs.

In the late 1980s, Palms began a series of sensory deprivation experiments to determine how mental and spiritual states might be affected by lack of sensory stimuli. He took to floating in an isolation tank, and would sometimes float for days at a time. It was in this tank, at the end of a five-day float, that Palms had his epiphany. It came in the form of a vision, and the vision appeared in the form of, not surprisingly, a giant luminous rat. The rat telepathically communicated this message to Hairy: You have a mission, and I will show you the way.

"In that one astounding moment I was struck with the wisdom that the rat is the ultimate universal metaphor for creation and the life force. And this is so on many levels. For example, the prodigious reproductive rate of rats, against unspeakable odds, is a symbol of how the divine creative force continues to shine on even throughout the darkest night of the human soul. And there's more. We all know that our belief systems create our reality, and here, too, we can learn from the rat. For the rat, with its habit of constantly gnawing, can be utilized as a symbol of how we must gnaw away at the unwanted belief systems that hold us back.

"We can't dissolve these negative thought-forms overnight by magic, but if we keep gnawing away at them we will ultimately destroy them, thereby freeing us to create the desired vision of our own personal reality. All of these revelations came instantaneously with that vision of the shining rat, which made me realize that rodent consciousness is a steppingstone to God-consciousness."

It was from this revelation in the flotation tank that Hairy Palms went on to create the Ratavar® Materials. Ratavar® grew explosively in California and quickly became a nationwide and then a worldwide phenomenon. Hundreds and soon thousands of students fell in step behind Hairy. People who had spent their entire lives wandering from one path to another finally found their spiritual "homes" (or, more appropriately, their "nests") in the teachings of Ratavar®. Palms became affectionately known as the Pied Piper of Universal Wisdom. As the technique and the courses evolved, Palms felt the need to move to Florida, where he formed Cheese Wedge, Inc., a center for research and development in creative consciousness, as well as a space for him to create his art and indulge himself in his new hobby of cheese making. It was also a campus for advanced training of Ratavar® Masters.

Ratavar® can only be taught by a Certified Ratavar® Master, but not to worry: there are Masters aplenty – over 3,000 worldwide, at last count. The cost of the complete series of courses, from the Basics through the Masters through the "Whizzers" – the highest level – is very reasonable: "less than a BMW, to put it in materialistic terms," Hairy explains.

But in reality, the value of the wisdom taught by Ratavar® cannot be measured in materialistic terms. For, as Hairy himself says, "Ratavar® allows you to finally, fully, really, wholly experience the being-ness of just being, the creativism of expansionism, the boundarylessness of floating within your own inner spaciousness, which is a sacred place far beyond intellect.

"The mission of Ratavar® in the world," he continues, "is to catalyze, or should I say ratalyze, the complete wholistic integration of belief systems, in order to break down false barriers that cause us to believe in the negativity of limitedness. Breaking these barriers empowers us to reclaim our thought-forms, allowing us to create and/or dis-create with ease our own personal / universal realities. We should all strive for this goal. Also we should all eat a lot more cheese."

© 1995, 2010 by Connie L Schmidt/Misguided Angel Press

---

My humblest apologies to the four or five people who may have previously read the preceding parody in my BLP (book-like product), Cosmic Relief. It’s just that I’ve been receiving emails from the Avatar® people lately – or, rather, from people who "deliver" Avatar® and want me to "experience" it – and that got me all inspired. Besides, recycling is a good thing, isn’t it?

And speaking of recycling, Avatar® (which in this case has nothing to do with 2D or 3D virtual alter egos; rather, it is the most famous bastard child of Scientology) has just celebrated its 20^th anniversary. It's been an interesting two decades, to say the least, for, like most hucksters great spiritual leaders, Avatar® founder Harry Palmer has made a few enemies along the way. It’s too bad that his detractors can’t just leave him alone. All he really wants to do is create an EPC (Enlightened Planetary Civilization).

In any case, the piece above, like the rest of the stuff in Cosmic Relief, is not all that different from the original material. If you don’t believe it, just try making sense of anything written by Harry Palmer. F’rinstance, chew on this message from him to prospective "Wizards" (the suckers seekers taking one of Harry’s advanced and very pricey courses).

Or, as they say in Ratavar®: "Chew Ratavar...and then chew your dream!"

The Secret to staying healthy this flu season

The Law of Attraction seems to be in full force now as the mainstream news media are being drawn to The Secret like flies to a reeking heap of you-know-what. ABCNews.com just ran a "news" story about the hit infomercial, and some of its stars were quoted extensively. One of them explained the historic significance of The Secret: "This is the most historic moment in history because this powerful information is being broadcast to the masses, to the people on the street in a way they can understand and relate to. They sit. They watch it. They absorb it."

There’s more good news for those unwashed masses and street people. I mentioned in yesterday’s post that a book and CD version of The Secret have just been released. I have to warn you, though, that some of the reading-impaired members of the masses might have a little trouble with the book, because, alas, it has far more words in it than the movie does (and, no doubt, far fewer pictures). In fact, it has more than twice as many words as the movie. Here’s the scoop from one of the promo web sites for The Secret:

...Now for the first time in history all of the greatest minds past and present come together in one all inclusive book, The Secret.

If you were to transcribe every word from The Secret DVD it would be about 15,000 words. This book has 216 pages filled with over 35,000 words. That is more than double the content of the DVD. Each of the teachers thoroughly explain topics covered in the DVD and then some. In addition past teachers works are sited [sic] and brought together in what is sure to be one of the most powerful books of the century.

The book is only $23.95 US. If the prospect of actually reading 35,000 words seems a little daunting, or if you just don’t have time to read, you can get this life-changing book on CD for $29.95 US.

Although the most notable aspect of The Secret is that it’s a true marketing phenomenon, the ABC story was placed in the "health" category, probably by virtue of the fact that physical health is one of the subjects discussed in the ’mercial:

Perhaps the most controversial claim in "The Secret" is that the mind wields enormous power over our health.

"I've seen kidneys regenerated. I've seen cancer dissolved," said Michael Bernard Beckwith, founder of Agape International Spiritual Center.

The creator of The Secret, Rhonda Byrne, told ABC that she wouldn't even get a flu shot because "if you're feeling good, how can you attract any illness to you?" Bob Proctor, another self-help / marketing guru starring in The Secret, adds, "Disease cannot live in a body that's in a healthy emotional state."

So there you have it: yet another reason to buy The Secret and learn its principles. If you master the Law of Attraction, you will never get sick again. And if you do get sick, remember, you brought it on yourself.

Attract this!

As the Law of Attraction gains more leverage among the fashionably enlightened set, rumbles of dissent are being felt throughout the blogosphere. It was inevitable that disagreements over the details of LOA would arise among followers. Although some of the debaters are posing some interesting philosophical questions, others seem to be engaging in the latter-day version of the medieval debate over how many angels can dance on the head of a pin.*

Speaking of pinheads, I recently came across an interesting blog by a Las Vegas-based professional self-promoter named Steve Pavlina,** who seems to be seriously into the Law of Attraction. On his blog, Pavlina attempts to answer some of the more disturbing questions about how LOA really works.

One of the chief tenets of LOA is that you attract everything that happens to you, good or bad. If you think good, positive thoughts, you will attract good, positive things into your life. If you think bad, negative thoughts, your life will be full of badness and negativity.*** This, the LOA believers say, is a scientifically proven fact. It’s all somehow related to the intentions you put out to the Universe. This, however, has disquieting implications when one thinks about innocents such as babies, children and animals. Does an abused child or animal, for example, attract its own abuse? Well, along comes Steve Pavlina to answer some of these questions. For example:

Q. Do children, babies, and/or animals put out intentions?
A. No. Your own body doesn’t even put out intentions — only your consciousness does. You’re the only one who has intentions, so what takes precedence is what YOU intend for the children, babies, and animals in your reality. Every thought is an intention, so however you think about the other beings in your reality is what you’ll eventually manifest for them. Keep in mind that beliefs are hierarchical, so if you have a high order belief that reality is random and unpredictable and out of your control, then that intention will trump other intentions of which you’re less certain. It’s your entire collection of thoughts that dictates how your reality manifests.

Q. If a child is abused, does that mean the child intended it in some way?
A. No. It means YOU intended it. You intend child abuse to manifest simply by thinking about it. The more you think about child abuse (or any other subject), the more you’ll see it expand in your reality. Whatever you think about expands, and not just in the narrow space of your avatar but in all of physical reality.

Whew. Glad he got that straightened out. In all fairness, let me add that as a preamble to the Q&A on his blog, Pavlina admits, "The Law of Attraction gives rise to some tough questions that don’t seem to have good answers. I would say, however, that these problems aren’t caused by the Law of Attraction itself but rather by the Law of Attraction as applied to objective reality."

That darned objective reality is always getting in the way, isn’t it?

A California woman named Christine Cole would likely disagree with Pavlina's implication that animals don’t have the consciousness necessary to "put out intentions." A horse is a horse, of course, of course, but YOU can talk to a horse if you take Christine’s course. Christine is an Expansion Coach™, which apparently doesn’t have anything to do with helping people eat like a horse and gain weight. Instead, she conducts workshops where horses – yes, horses – teach people about the Law of Attraction. Most of the courses take place on her Sonoma County property, Full House Farm.

According to her website, Christine works "in cooperation with the unique perspective of horses, sharing similar information to that revealed in The Secret and What the Bleep Do We Know?." Our equine friends have a special ability to help us corral the Law of Attraction.

Christine views the horses as the teachers while she acts as interpreter for them. You can learn their language, the universal language of vibration, which is an experience that deepens our appreciation of nature and the web of life. Her intention is to provide you with a safe environment in which to learn about vibrational awareness in order to gain confidence that when you ask it is given.

One course offered is called "Resonance: Intentional Leadership," which teaches team building and leadership training. This course is taught in cooperation with consultant, life coach and vibrational awareness specialist Janice Drescher. Here’s a hint of what you’ll learn if you take the course, though there’s little information about just how you will learn it:

The way horses live is based on a deep understanding and awareness of how one holds their personal space and the strength of intention therein. Intention carries an energy or vibration as tangible to a horse as physical touch is to a human. When working with horses, you can reestablish and affirm your power of intention. You will not be riding the horses, rather communicating with them in such a way that your own awareness will soar.

I don’t know about all of the LOA stuff, but if I were taking a workshop, I’d darn sure rather work with horses than with most of the horse’s rear ends who are conducting LOA-based workshops these days.

Meanwhile, speaking of The Secret, that hustlers' franchise continues to grow. A new, improved version of the glorified infomercial has just been released. According to one of its stars, "This one is longer, smoother, more emotional, and includes more segments of some key people, including me." The book version is now in book stores, and there’s an audio CD version as well, in case your senses haven't been oversaturated by watching the movie 60 or 70 times a week, as recommended by its backers. And The Secret 2: The Next Step is scheduled to go into production in January for release in August 2007. You see where this is going, don't you? There will always be another great secret, and another, and another, and another...

While reading the blog of the above-mentioned Secret star, who was also featured on the recent Larry King infomercial about The Secret, I came across this comment by a guy named Rob:

I just watched the Larry King show that I recorded the other night and I had a wonderful experience watching and learning. BUT THEN I was smacked in the face by the very next words that came from the TV via Anderson Cooper..."Good evening every one, a deadly storm, a killer tornado leaves death and destruction and a night of grief..."

Uggh.

I have just decided that I'm not watching TV for 30 days. Instead I'm going to read and reread some good books...

Does anybody reading this blog have some nominations for my reading this month?

Damn that whole annoying death-and-destruction thing. If those North Carolina trailer-park residents had just read the right self-help books, if they’d been even remotely cognizant of the Law of Attraction, they probably could have avoided attracting that darn tornado. But hey, it’s not up to us to help these people, or even to spend our valuable time and precious attraction energy thinking about them. We just need to block out all of the unpleasant stuff and keep buying the right books and taking the right workshops.

One thing is certain: Despite the disagreements among true believers, the Law Of Attraction industry is booming, as today’s top New-Wage practitioners continue to attract more and more followers who come bearing high hopes and pockets full of disposable income.

I wonder…if we all just ignored all of these hustledorks, would they go away?

* Actually, the "head of a pin" bit is inaccurate, but that's how the saying goes.
** Pavlina is also another one of those professional beggars on the street corners of cyberspace ("Will motivate for money"). There's even a special Donation Page on his site, where you are encouraged to send him as much money as you can because "Steve wants to spend his time directly helping people by creating new blog posts, articles, and podcasts; by speaking to groups; and by conducting public experiments -- always with the primary intention of serving the highest good of all. If you want to support Steve in his mission to help people escape fear and live up to their true potential, please make a contribution. Any amount is appreciated."
Hell, I'd like to sit on my behind all day writing this blog (for the highest good, of course), and have people send *me* money. Maybe I need to set up a special Donation Page too.
*** But then I keep thinking about that old maxim, "Opposites attract," which has its roots in the (scientifically proven) fact that opposite electrical charges attract each other. Positive attracts negative, and vice versa. Positive repels positive; negative repels negative. So…doesn’t that mean that if you think bad thoughts you will actually attract good things to yourself, and vice-versa? Just wondering.

Nether give up

I just received some great news from my favorite Lightworker, Bryan James. Bryan, in cooperation with Mother Mary, has been conducting "Extreme Lightwork" to awaken some 50 million "lost" souls stuck in the Netherlands. Apparently these poor souls were in some coffee shops in Amsterdam and overindulged a bit…no, wait, that’s another project. Bryan and the Holy Mama are trying to rescue the lost ones from the Nether Worlds. Matter of fact, I blogged about that a couple of weeks ago (second subhead, "What (or who) lies beneath"). Well, there’s good news, according to the update Bryan just sent me:

As of 11/22/06, about 41% have shown some movement (20.5 million), 26% of them (13 million) have opened their eyes, 2% are walking around with some help (1 million) and a small percentage (250,000) are asking questions like "Who am I?", "Where am I?", and "Why am I here?"

Similar behavior has been observed among the lost souls in the Amsterdam coffee shops.

Bryan also conducted an exclusive interview with Mary recently:

Question: (Bryan) Mary, can I ask a question? I wanted to know if you could give us an update on how soon the Holy Ones will start going down into the Nether Worlds to start working directly with the souls down there?
Answer: This is a project that has the utmost priority at this time. Initial teams are forming, and resuscitation techniques are being developed. Since this has never been done before, we may have to try many things before we find the sequence that works…

Even as we speak there are floods of Light pouring into the Nether Worlds to facilitate this work…

You can find out more about when the Holy Ones are going to Hell, and other matters, by subscribing to Bryan’s Agents of Light newsletter. It will keep you informed of "new and often secret developments affecting you and the planet’s ascension." According to Bryan, his newsletter is the only source for info on:

*The predicted attempt of nuclear terrorist attacks on 5 U.S. airlines.
*New energies for planet more powerful than the Violet Flame.
*New tools for Lightworkers to create ‘Heaven on Earth.’
*The predicted attempt/failure of a terrorist attack on U.S. airlines.
*The thwarted attempt to meltdown a U.S. Nuclear Power Plant.
*The truth behind the attack made on oil refineries in Yemen.
*The truth on NASA’s Deep Impact Comet and how it nearly hit the U.S. East Coast.

Well, that’s it. I’m heading out to enjoy my Sunday with the Rev. Meanwhile, if you wish to indulge in some marginally more serious blogging fun, head on over to Steve Salerno’s SHAMblog, where the current discussion topics, as of this writing, include everything from Ralph Waldo Emerson to the cultural significance of the Barbie doll. However you choose to spend your Sunday (or your Monday, for those of you in other time zones way ahead of this one), have fun. And don’t forget to send lots of positive thoughts, love and light down to your nether regions…oops, I mean to The Nether Regions.

Swim with the hustledorks

We modern-day humans have a tendency to make life far more complicated than it needs to be. Despite the proven facts* that total happiness and astounding success can be obtained through mastering three, five, six, seven, eight, nine, or ten easy principles (depending upon which book you happen to be reading) – and that recovery from even the most devastating addictions or emotional crises can be realized in twelve steps – we are forever trying to muck things up with complexity.

I think that in part we have science to blame, with its irritating tendency to point out complexities rather than simplicity. For example, for years we’ve been told by scientists that there are thousands of species of fish swimming in the Earth’s oceans (albeit far fewer individual members of various species these days, given the global overfishing problem). And it seems that "new" species are being "discovered" all the time. Turns out that the scientists were exaggerating, as usual. Yesterday I got an email from a lady named Chellie Campbell, who informed me that "There are three kinds of fish in the sea: Dolphins, Sharks and Tuna."

I bet you didn’t know Dolphins were fish, did you? But they are, at least in Chellie’s world. And they are one of only three kinds of fish you need to be concerned about. Here’s how to distinguish them from each other:

Dolphins are wonderful creatures: intelligent, happy, and playful. They communicate; they swim in schools. They’ve been known to ward off a shark attack and protect the other fish. They are fun-loving and beautiful, arcing in graceful leaps over the waves.

Sharks are eating machines. It’s not their fault; they were born that way. But their job is to eat you. If you find yourself in the water with a shark, put your shark fin on or get out of the water. It’s very difficult for a dolphin to act like a shark, and you’ll never be as good at it as a real shark, so I recommend getting out of the water.

Tuna fish are food. They don’t know that the blood in the water is their own. They think everything that happens to them is somebody else’s fault. They take no responsibility for their choices. It’s like there are three kinds of people: the people that make things happen, the people that watch things happen, and the people who say, "What happened?" (Those are the tuna.)

Sharks will steal your money and tuna will leech money from you. Real money is made when you have dolphins on your team.

Who are the fish in your sea?

I guess Chellie is another person who hasn’t seen some of the cutting-edge research about dolphins, which I blogged about a few months ago.

But never mind that. Chellie is not a marine biologist or any other type of scientist, but a Financial Stress Reduction ® specialist, Law of Attraction fan and professional self-promoter. She is the author of two books, Zero to Zillionaire: 8 Foolproof Steps to Financial Peace of Mind, and The Wealthy Spirit: Daily Affirmations for Financial Stress Reduction. Chellie is not exactly a zillionaire herself, but she is willing to sell you the secrets that will make you a zillionaire. And apparently she has come to the attention of some of the top Law of Attraction mercenaries, such as Chicken Soup For The Soul magnate Jack Canfield, who included her story in his compilation work, You’ve Got To Read This Book! 55 People Tell The Story Of The Book That Changed Their Life.

Chellie is the founder of The Dolphin Club, an online networking organization that you can join for only $9.98 a month. Let’s face it; you can’t be a New-Wage practitioner and not exploit dolphins in some manner, even if you do it in a purely metaphorical way. And if you join Chellie's Dolphin Club, you will get a chance to metaphorically swim with metaphorical dolphins. Dolphins, in this case, are people who will earnestly try to transform your world and change your life by selling you their stuff, and you in turn can earnestly try to transform their worlds and lives by selling them your stuff. You can hustle each other till the sea-cows come home. But it's not all hustle. You’ll also receive a ton of membership benefits, including free daily affirmation / screensaver software, a free copy of one of Chellie’s book proposals, and "special access to anything Chellie," which includes "her guidance, thoughts, resources, special tips, products, and other information available only to members."

Best of all, for a limited time only, aspiring authors who join will get a chance to show their book proposals to Chellie’s literary agent, Lisa Hagan of Paraview Inc. (slogan: "Transforming The World One Book At A Time"). Although Lisa’s clients include several authors of books on metaphysical and paranormal subjects, I really think she is going to rue the day she agreed to participate in this. I have a feeling that after she’s read a few crappy proposals – harbingers of even crappier manuscripts – she’s going to get out of the water, metaphorically speaking, as quickly as she can.

* * *

And speaking of sharks, I fear that one of my favorite shows, the CBS series, Cold Case, jumped the shark on the episode that aired November 19 ("Fat Chick Down"**). If you follow the link, you’ll see that other folks think the show jumped quite a few episodes ago, but I don’t agree. However, the November 19 show was so full of intensely unlikable characters, and the story line was so stupid, that I didn’t even cry during the end scene where everyone is walking in slow motion to the sound of some poignantly relevant song from the year the murder took place. Generally that part of the show will bring me to tears even if I haven’t seen any of the rest of the episode. Not this time. It just left me…well, cold. I hope this was just an aberration and not a true shark jump.

* That is, if the "nonfiction" bestseller lists are any proof.
** That probably wasn’t the real name of the episode, but that’s what it was about.

Xanax...er...Xmas Season is upon us

This being Thanksgiving, at least in the United States, I’m taking the obligatory what-I-have-to-be-thankful-for inventory. Tops on the gratitude list is having the Rev in my life, of course. (I’m also thankful that he and his son are both supremely talented in the kitchen, and they’re doing all of the cooking for today’s feast.)

I’m thankful as well for my George W. Bushisms calendar, with its daily quotations from W. In honor of Thanksgiving, today’s offering is from a speech W made in Miami in 2001:

…I’m so thankful, and so gracious – I’m gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well.

I’m gracious that we have such a thankful president. I’m also gracious for the recent election results.

Not least of all, I am profoundly thankful for the gifts I get in my email every day, including the one I received just yesterday. Here, just in time for the holidays, is stunning proof that angels exist:

The angels are the round splotches of light in the picture. I'm pretty sure that the floppy-eared entity in the lower left-hand corner is also an angel. Anyhow, we can thank Certified Angel Therapy Practitioner™ Lisa Genevieve of League City, Texas for this astonishing proof. What’s more, you too can demonstrate angelic existence, and all you need is a digicam. "Angels are among us!" Lisa writes. "Try this yourself with a digital camera. Angels and light beings show up as orbs around us in photographs. This is my daughter and her best friend one night in the spring. There were an extraordinary number of light beings that showed up for this shot!"

Lisa, who says she has her greatest success receiving information from the spiritual realm via automatic writing, sells Soul Readings from the Angels for only $77.00 US. For an extra $33.00, you can get a message from a departed loved one.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a couple of holiday CD mixes to burn, some of the Rev’s cooking to sample, and some TV to watch. I’m really not in the mood for our local Thanksgiving parade, which, for some reason, can no longer be called the "Thanksgiving Parade." It is now officially named the "Holiday Parade" (well, after all, Thanksgiving is a U.S. holiday, and I suppose the parade organizers didn’t want to offend any non-citizens or foreign terrorists who might be living in the Bayou City). In lieu of the parade, I’ve been watching a delightful late-1990’s Brit rendition of Alice Through The Looking Glass, starring Kate Beckinsale. It has been criticized by some as being too "drugged-out," which in my book makes it much more faithful to Lewis Carroll’s original tale than all those other cutesy remakes. And so far, it’s making a lot more sense than most of the emails I receive. Every time I check my email I go a little further into the looking glass, or down the rabbit hole...

Happy Turkey Day to everyone who celebrates it. To those for whom Thanksgiving is too Americentric, Happy Late Autumn Holiday. Not to give short shrift to those in the Southern Hemisphere, for whom this would be a Late Spring Holiday (like Jeb Bush, I too am concerned about hemispheres). And to those who plan to celebrate the coming Winter (or Summer) Holiday, that season of Bright Shiny Objects (Bling Crosby, anyone?)... be sure to take your Xanax before heading out to the malls tomorrow. Or, better yet, take it instead of heading out to the malls. You’ll be much, much happier.

I came, I saw, I channeled

I recently received an email from Akashic reader and author Carolyn Evers, who is the reincarnation of Julius Caesar’s daughter Julia. Carolyn/Julia says her famous dad has some very important messages for all of us, and she’s written all about it in her book, Conversations With Caesar. In this book, Caesar "describes his world since his assassination, the energies coming to earth which he says are conected (sic) to sunspot activity and activated from the cosmos. These energies link through the sun affecting the core of the earth, our DNA, and changes our brain structure."

Caesar isn’t the only famous dead person or elevated entity who regularly chats with Carolyn. She writes:

Currently I am working with the Mary/Michael lines of England and the telluric Earth energy of France as they are aligned to sacred sites and Gothic Churches. I remember several lifetimes being a Templar Knight holding a high level of responsibility, and working with some of the secrets that the brotherhood was involved with. The science concerning Earth energy was used in the Gothic Cathedrals, encoded in their buildings, used for spiritual advancement, and this information has lain dormant for a long time.

And she also talks to Jesus and the late Pope John Paul II, who have some vitally important information and advice about many aspects of contemporary life and the future of the planet Earth. For example, they have this to say about financial matters:

Jesus, Julius Caesar and Pope John Paul II have been suggesting that we live within our means and put some resources aside as there will be financial struggles in the near future. We are using their messages and pointing to the weaknesses in the economy to help us prepare.

Pretty weighty stuff, huh?

And then there’s the matter of Earth Changes:

I have received much information from many heavenly sources regarding Earth changes. We have already shared messages about HAARP [the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program] and the crisis at Yellowstone National Park. Mother Mary has told us that this next year will be a challenging one and has tried to get our attention by displaying tears of human blood coming from the eyes of her statues.

Carolyn also has her eye, so to speak, on hurricanes, and she and her heavenly sources are keeping a close watch on volcanoes as well.

I recently gave information regarding what is occurring in the Atlantic Ocean and how scientists forecast hurricanes. Their studies indicate that there will be much activity in this year. Recently the New England area suffered from flooding from a rain system that continued to circle over the land bringing water from the Atlantic Ocean. From space this system appeared as a weather pattern similar to a hurricane system. We will continue to try and keep abreast of these changes as we see more volcanic activity in the Ring of Fire.

I understand that Johnny Cash is helping out on the volcano project.

Carolyn has also been speaking with a band of angels about matters such as Earth-destroying comets, solar flares, and the Moon. There’s a whole page on her site devoted to the Moon, and guess what? The Moon really is made of green cheese – actually it’s sort of a sick chartreuse shade – and the Man In The Moon is actually a wombat. No, not really, but the angels did tell Carolyn that the Moon, like the Earth, is hollow, and, not surprisingly, its interior is home to many advanced races.

The purpose of the Moon, in case you were wondering, is to act as a counter-balance to keep the Earth from crashing into the Sun. It seems there was another Moon before the present one, but it was destroyed by some destructive non-human race. An Intergalactic Conference was held and it was decided that the Moon destroyers would redeem themselves by making a new Moon for us.

However, when Carolyn asked the angels who was responsible for all of this destruction and creation, they answered:

We feel it would be best not to answer this question. The race that was involved in this destruction paid the price so to say and has cleared their name and we feel it would be better not to reveal this. It is not our way to withhold such history as we feel that it is or should be available to discover, but this would put the onus on a race that has evolved to become a group of honorable intentions. They had interfered with your planet in the past and in the process, your spiritual development. We feel this would be a disservice to reveal this. Such thoughts are a stumbling block to the peace of your journey. Not that we speak of your personal journey, but such information would be placed in the etheric again and it was cleared out once. We must use our informational responses in a balanced manner. What you do not understand is that spoken words and even thoughts become a part of the grid system in its final disposition.

You just can’t get this kind of information anywhere else.*

Carolyn offers a wide range of Life Readings and related services, and she is aided in many of these by her deceased son, with whom she’s been communicating for many years. Here’s what some folks have said about her readings:

"Highly resonant and nurturing to my soul..."

"The sacred sweetness and loving guidance within this reading touched me deeply..."

"I am so relieved, so appreciative, and especially validated by what you wrote..."

"This was just exactly what I had hoped to receive..."

Way to go, Carolyn! The mark of any good successful spiritual entrepreneur is a knack for telling people just exactly what they want to hear.

How does Carolyn do her readings? She explains, "A part of my mind must pass through all the dimensions and go to the center of the cosmos. I request your record from a band of Cherubim Angels who care for these records and pass them to Source when requested… I read from the Universal Records which is the final result of your records as they have moved through all the different dimensions to the center of the cosmos. Information might be added, but never changed."

You can get an expanded report, consisting of up to five to six typed pages, for only $225 US. For this you get three to four important life questions answered in depth. Or you can get a mini report – two pages covering one question – for $120 US. Orders are placed through Paypal, and once your order is processed Carolyn gets to work with those angels, and within a few days she sends you your report via email.

Carolyn also offers classes, such as her ten-month "Journey To The Other Side" course. For only $142.00, you get to hear messages from all sorts of famous dead folks:

This is a TEN month course whereby people from the other side come back to discuss Ascension, Earth Changes and everything new on the horizon of Earth events. These are people you remember and love, names such as Marilyn Monroe, Fred Astaire, and Mother Theresa join the group. People from history such as Julius Caesar, Augustus and King Arthur place their perspective to the mix. In future courses, Mary Magdalene and Archangel Michael have agreed to also come bringing along with them other members of the spiritual hierarchy.

You will receive a voice file once each month sent directly to your computer. You will be able to pick up from my voice their personality and inflection, and also healing is coded within the words. If you sign up for this new and innovate program, you will receive the following bonus:
10% discount for our first spiritual journey sponsored by Archangel Michael Value $170
Free autographed copy of Conversations With Caesar (hardback cover) Value $ 25
Free Total Value $195.

Heck of a deal!

The spiritual journey referred to above is a sea cruise that Archangel Michael has asked Carolyn to set up. Michael will be on that cruise, sort of; as Carolyn puts it, "He will overlight." I don’t think excessive lighting is necessarily a good idea, especially on a cruise, but who am I to question Archangel Michael? Anyhow, the cruise is to take place in March 2007; all the details can be found at www.BBSRadio.com, where Carolyn and some of her cohorts have several weekly shows. And even though Captain Steubing is not expected to be on the cruise ship, this will be far better than a cruise on the Love Boat, because Michael plans to do some teaching, along with Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene and her angels.

Besides the detailed descriptions of Carolyn’s books and her work, her web site also includes a link to her discussion forums. Being somewhat of a discussion forum junkie, I decided to pay a visit. On first glance it appeared there was a lot of activity. I was impressed, thinking that maybe there was some lively discussion about the concepts in Carolyn’s books. So I clicked on to the Chaos Before Creation Forum, and immediately saw that it was an unmoderated spam magnet. While one or two of the posts did actually seem to be related to the topic, the vast majority offered scintillating information on "Cheap car insurance," "Tramadol sales," "Mature blow jobs," etc.

Kinda makes me wonder if there’s an Unintended Consequences Clause to the Law of Attraction… In any case, I think Carolyn needs to send Caesar or Archangel Michael, or maybe Marilyn and the Pope, over to her forums to clean house. Or maybe she just needs to come down to this dimension for a few moments and have a chat with her webmaster.

* Actually, you can get this kind of information just about anywhere on the Internet, and lots of other places. This blog owes its very existence to a veritable explosion of this type of information.

Catch a fire

Lately you’ve probably been hearing a lot about the Law of Attraction, but you still may be a little confused about how it works and how you can use it to make your life better. Just in case you missed Larry King’s two-part infomercial on LOA, I’ve snipped a highlight from Part 2, which aired November 16.

The segment began with a voice-over from Larry King, apparently speaking without irony:

Tonight, want to find true love, make more money, have the life of your dreams? Then think about it. That's right. The power of your thoughts can improve your life. Sound unthinkable? Well, science says there's something to it, so engage your brain for an amazing hour that could transform your world and help you live happily ever after.

Among the five guests that night were Jack Canfield, co-creator of the Chicken Soup For The Soul series, and author/miracles coach Joe Vitale, aka "Mr. Fire." It was a truly illuminating hour, but I really believe that this snippet explains, in a nutshell, how the Law of Attraction works and how you can use it to change your life for the better.

KING: Jack, do we create our own positive negatives?

CANFIELD: I do believe that. I think we're constantly creating whatever comes into our life and if you focus on what you want, as Joe said earlier, you get what you want. If you focus on what you don't want, you get more of that.

And we often think we're focusing on something like saying "I don't want to be overweight anymore." But what we're focusing on is overweight anymore. So, we have to state it in a more positive way.

And when we do that what happens is our mind and our emotions follow our thoughts and then our behaviors follow our emotions. I choose to make myself happy. Abraham Lincoln said back in 1865 'happiness is a choice' and the fact is, it really is!

KING: [Is it] true, Joe [that] if your house burns down it's how you react to your house burning down [that counts]?

VITALE: No, I'm going to disagree with a couple of the things said here.

KING: Good.

VITALE: Oh, you like this! Well, I'm going to disagree because I believe that you are attracting everything, every little thing, the car accident, everything that you could name, but we're doing it on an unconscious level. We're not aware of it.

KING: I attracted my own car accident?

VITALE: You absolutely did. We are attracting everything unconsciously. That's why we have to read the books, like Jack's books or Jayne's books or my books so that we can begin to wake up.

We can begin to take conscious control of what we've been doing unconsciously. At this point, we want to start looking at "why did I attract it"? Yes, you can put a positive spin on why you attracted it, but I'm saying you did attract it.

There you have it, the secret formula for lassoing the Law of Attraction: (1) Read a book by one of a select group of LOA capitalists; (2) wake up; and (3) PING! You’ll live happily ever after. Just be sure you don’t attract any car accidents, house burnings, fatal diseases, tornadoes, insurgencies, or World Wars while you’re on your way to creating your perfect life.

By the way, you have a chance to win some old stuff Joe had lying around his house $1,000 worth of exciting gifts if you participate in Mr. Fire’s subliminal-painting contest. He threw a $1,000-a-head miracle-manifestation seminar last weekend. Nearly fifty folks attended, and one of the things participants got to do for their thousand bucks was stand around and find subliminal messages in a painting that some artist or other had created exclusively for Joe. The painting shows Joe lighting a cigar with his finger, apparently unaware that his new sports car is on fire in the background. But it's also full of subliminal messages, and the person who finds the most verifiable subliminals wins the big prize. You can join in the fun at www.mrfire.com/contest/. Good luck!*

PS – And here's a little extra something to help you with that perfect-life creation project while you're waiting for the next hot new book, moviemercial or manifestation seminar: a Law of Attraction Creation Box. You can have your very own Creation Box for only $33.95.

* I should warn you now that there's a catch: you have to get on Mr. Fire's mailing list in order to play.

Something to wet your interest...

I'm so excited I'm about to wet myself. I just received an email announcing the new generation of Water Blessing Labels from the folks at The Spirit of Water. I blogged about these products last month, and I'm thrilled that the product line continues to evolve. While the first labels were inspired by the movie, What The Bleep Do We Know, these new ones owe their existence to the glorified infomercial The Secret. The Secret, as you may know, is all the rage in enlightened circles; it has even hit the mainstream now that Larry King has run his own two-part infomercial, "Beyond Positive Thinking," to promote the movie's "stars" (as well as some other spiritual mercenaries from What The Bleep).*

Anyway, these new "Law Of Attraction" Water Blessing Labels are now on sale for a special "pre-release" price of $8.00 a sheet (regular price $9.95). They're static-cling and reusable, and, like their predecessors, they are "consciously created." Included in the new line are such powerful, original and awe-inspiring phrases as, "Reach for your dreams," "Follow your bliss," "Assume an attitude of gratitude," and "Be here now." All you do is stick 'em on your water, put the water in you, and be prepared for lots of good stuff to come your way. Or at least be prepared to reach for your dreams, be here now, etc. What could be easier?

PS. Just in case you don’t feel like following the link to my previous water blog, I suppose I’d better give a nutshell (emphasis on the first syllable?) explanation of the Water/Law Of Attraction connection. This entire concept is based on the work of Japanese metaphysician Dr. Masaru Emoto, who has produced a small stack of books about the hidden messages in water, the secret life of water, the hidden agendas of water, etc. According to Dr. Emoto and his legions of water-crazy minions, H2O is a near-magical substance, or at least a conscious one that is responsive to the emotions and thoughts of those around it. Dr. Emoto has proven this with scientific experimentation and photographs. If you yell or cuss at water, it will behave badly. If you sweet-talk it, it will respond accordingly. And since we humans are three-quarters water, as is our blessed planet, it is of vital importance that we bless all of the water around and in us. There are many ways to do this, but one of the most effective is to apply clear, static-cling labels to the water we drink or bathe in. The water will then absorb those nice words and transfer the magic to us.

As I said, what could be easier?

* If you're interested, here's a link to a transcript of Part 1 of Larry King's "Beyond Positive Thinking" infomercial, which originally aired on Thursday, Nov. 2, 2006.

Tuesday tidbits

Since today is a bit of a crazy day, I don’t have the presence of mind to devote to my usual deeply insightful, well-researched essays. So just for the sake of keeping this blog current, here are bits and pieces of musings that have been whirling around in my personal cosmos.

Subtle, yet energetic
Just for the fun of it, I Googled "Whirled Musings" today, and one of the results that came up was a link to a blog called Subtle Energy Solutions. This blog is devoted to "Alternative health news, tips, coaching, and personal experiences with natural health lifestyles. Everything from yoga to organic gardening--solutions for creating a vibrant life."

And guess what? They mentioned moi! Here's what they said:

More subtle energy products interest...
Whirled Musings
Our affiliate vendor, Deborah Stuart of Oxygen Research got some more coverage about her Atlantis subtle energy devices in Connie Schmidt's Blog.

In case you’re interested, here’s the WM post that gave the coverage to which the blogger was referring.

I guess some people really do embrace the axiom that there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

What (or who) lies beneath…
Just when I had made peace with some rather earth-shaking ideas about this world we live on, along came an email to shake me up yet again. Recently I wrote about the hollow-earth concept, and the races of enlightened beings that are living below us, just waiting to emerge and lead us to a brave new age of enlightenment. I was beginning to think the Underworld was a combination of The Emerald City, Shambhala (pictured above), and Nordstrom. Now I’ve just found out that it’s not all sweetness and light down there, after all. Matter of fact, there are as many as 500 million "lost children" stuck in the Nether Worlds. And my fave Lightworker, Bryan James, sent me a notice that the Divine Mother needs help saving these folks:

A huge, unprecedented rescue effort has begun that may involve as many as 500 million Light Beings from all of creation. Our Divine Mother has degreed that one of her top priorities is to recover those who've been trapped and asleep in the lower dimensions (sadly, many have been there for thousands of years).

But there’s good news, and I think it may be related to the 11:11 phenomenon I blogged about just the other day:

As of 11/11/06, about 4% (approximately 2 million) have actually opened their eyes and started to show some life! Hopes are high, but much work will need to be done.

Sounds like hopes aren’t the only things that are high here... Oh, bad, bad Connie. I really should stop picking on Bryan. On the other hand, he does send me more messages, via my favorite new-age spam service, than just about any other Lightworker, so I think he deserves the extra publicity. I am just helping to ensure that he gets the most bang for his advertising buck.

I didn’t see any indication about the method Bryan used to determine that these Nether-folk have begun to open their eyes, but no doubt the Holy Mama sent him an email about it. In any case, your support is needed, in the form of "Light, Love, Prayers, Affirmations, Chantings, Rosaries, etc., for the reclamation of these souls." Bryan says that Light Beings from hundreds of universes are pouring Light into this area and volunteering their support. Naturally, anything you can add to this effort will be appreciated; for more info shoot an email to bryan@circleoflights.com.

I’m thinking that besides the prayers, affirmations, chantings, etc., massive amounts of money wouldn’t hurt either. The question is, how would you get it to these stuck souls? You could bury it in your back yard, hoping that some of them could dig their way up to get it, but that’s kind of iffy. Besides, there’s the matter of currency conversion, since many of these souls are from far-flung places such as Atlantis, Sirius, Lemuria, Telos, etc. Probably the best option would be to send your money in US dollars to me, care of this blog, and I’ll see that the currency is properly converted* and that it gets to the people who need it most.**

It’s the least I can do to help make this old Omniverse a better place.

* Into stuff for me.
** The people who sell the stuff I want.

And on the eleventy-first day…

Today, November 11, is a very important day. Some of you more mundane souls probably think I am referring to Veterans Day in the US, aka Remembrance Day or Armistice Day on other parts of the planet. But you would be wrong, for, as is my habit on this blog, I’ve set my sights on far loftier matters. Today is the day – or, rather, tonight is the night – that musician and spiritual leader Gabriel of Sedona and his Bright and Morning Star Band team up with internationally-known paranormalist Uri Geller for "an amazing Live World-Wide Webcast of a concert from Sedona’s Future Studios."


Uri Geller, the litigious spoon-bending magician, probably needs no introduction. But you may not have heard of Gabriel of Sedona, founder of the Aquarian Concepts Community. Gabriel, a well-respected guru and activist, has invented an entirely new genre of new age music called CosmoPop®.

In fact, Gabriel may very well be the savior of the music world, as explained on his web site: "Gabriel of Sedona’s global change music is meant to promote individual growth and to help the soul find his or her destiny that God has so beautifully orchestrated for all His children on earth." On the same page is a quotation from the famous New Age bible, The Urantia Book:

But be not discouraged; some day a real musician may appear on Urantia [Earth], and whole peoples will be enthralled by the magnificent strains of his melodies. One such human being could forever change the course of a whole nation, even the entire civilized world. It is literally true, ‘melody has power a whole world to transform.’ Forever, music will remain the universal language of men, angels, and spirits. Harmony is the speech of Havona. (page 500:06)

Well, fellow Urantians, that real musician is here. You can hear samples of the music on Gabe's web site, and for sample lyrics click here.
And that brings us to the theme of tonight’s CosmoPop® concert, which is "11:11, What Does It Really Mean?"

Now, you might think that 11:11 is a reference to time, or, substituting the colon for a dash, a reference to a date on the calendar. But 11:11 is something much deeper First of all, the number 11 is way cool. It follows that 11:11 is deeply significant, as Gabe ’splains:

11:11 is a number shrouded in mystery and meaning. Some people see it as a key to unlock the subconscious mind. Others recognize it as a wake-up call. Whether seen serendipitously on a receipt or on a digital clock, the number 11:11 is a reminder to many that there are higher powers at work. If you have ever seen it or if you are curious because you never have, it is now more important than ever to find out what 11:11 really means.

Further, says Gabe, 11:11 "is indeed a wake-up call, and much more, which I will explain at this event. It is time to come together and not allow our differences in race, religion, and ethnicity to come between us."

Well said, Gabe. In tonight’s concert you will not only learn about 11:11 but you'll get to hear some great music. Gabe and the boys will play and sing while Uri performs telepathy and bends spoons. Actually, that last bit isn’t quite true. The 11-11 Concert will feature "a personal video message from Uri Geller made in Cyprus specifically for this event about the significance of the number 11:11." Uri has been fixated on 11:11 since the 1960s, and even has devoted a page on his web site to his fixation. "I believe that people who have constant contact with the 11:11 phenomena have some type of a positive mission to accomplish," says Uri. You can learn more about tonight's event at www.globalchangetelevision.org.

Just in case you’re still not convinced of the significance of 11:11, let me guide you to Gary Johnson, Lightworker and Spirit Master, whose picture appears above. On his "11:11 Made Simple" page, Gary explains the significance of the phenomenon: "Like it or not, believe it or not, you are mutating from your 3rd dimensional human body into a 5th dimensional Lightbody much like a caterpillar into a butterfly. The scary part of this phenomenon is there is no turning back or any way to stop it." Gary’s own observations and experiences with 11:11 echo those of Gabe, Uri and other authorities. Here are some of the eerie experiences he’s been having. If you’ve been having them too, maybe you also have a positive mission to accomplish (as Uri might put it):

(1) Whenever you glance at your watch, a clock or the little square on your TV screen containing the time remaining during many sporting events, do you frequently notice the times 11:11, 12:12 or times of double digit minutes like 2:00, 1:44, 3:11, 4:33, 5:22, 6:55 etc.?
(2) Whenever you glance at a license plate, the address on a building, an apartment number or anything else that has numbers for that matter, do you frequently notice they end in double digits or add up to 11?
(3) Whenever you must wait in some line and have to take a number, is it frequently a double digit number?
(4) Whenever you go shopping, is the receipt total or the amount of change that you receive frequently of the double digit variety?
(5) Whenever you fill your car with gasoline, is the number of gallons or the amount of your purchase frequently of the double digit variety?
(6) Do you frequently find 11 cents?
(7) Do you have a ringing in your ears right now?

Gary adds, "If your answer to one or all of the above is yes, you are experiencing the 11:11 phenomenon. I have been experiencing all of the above and more since 1985 on a 24/7 basis."

I thought I was having an 11:11 experience myself this morning when something – a mysterious force from the cosmos? – startled me awake, and I saw the numbers 1111 on the digital alarm clock! I was too sleepy to make much of it, however, and quickly returned to my dreams. And then I awoke later and saw those very same numbers on the clock. How could this be? I wondered. I was beginning to get excited until I realized that I was looking at the date line rather than the time.

Needless to say, I was a little disappointed. But then just a while ago, I was looking at the spare change on Rev Ron’s desk, and I saw….are you ready….eleven cents! The eleven cents were accompanied by several other cents, a few nickels and a quarter, but the point is that they were there.

So I decided, right then and there, that I too have a positive mission to accomplish. And that mission is to have a glorious weekend with The Rev, who, coincidentally enough, is a veteran. (He also suffers from a chronic ringing in the ears…spooky!) And in the eleven-plus-two years we have been together, he has taught me more than any spoon-bending magician or activist "musician" ever could.

High freak-uency

"It is now time to claim dominion over earth!" thundered the email. No, it was not an email from Hitler on the Other Side. Nor was it sent by a terrorist group from the Christian Right. Instead it was from my old pal Bryan "The Lightworker" James at Circle of Lights. You’ve met him on this blog before.* Bryan is still pushing his Unlimited Frequency Acceleration program, which is a process whereby we can all learn to raise our vibrations – without batteries – and become Lightworkers ourselves. In that way we (the good guys, presumably) can claim, or re-claim, spiritual dominion over the earth.

Bryan the Lightworker’s Frequency Acceleration program is the real deal, too, even though it is not sponsored by Fermilab or the National Academy of Sciences. No, we’re talking about Sources much higher than those – luminaries such as Ganesh, St. Germain, Thoth and Dionysius, the latter of whom, Bryan tells us, is "in charge of ‘Divine Sanction,’** which entails authority to bring Divine Energy into any given area." Best of all, according to Bryan, "Special cosmic awards will be presented to those who distinguish themselves during this special, unique training."

Frequency Acceleration might sound as if it’s a little too technical for the average person to grasp, but that’s not the case at all. "Despite its incredible power, learning how to apply this technology is so simple and fun that a 6-year old can easily do it in a few short lessons," Bryan assures us, offering the following "recent results" as proof that anyone can reach a high frequency:

Katherine J. (age 11) – 900 Unvigintillion
Kevin J. (age 13) – 500 Novemdecillion
Lisa J. – 240 billion
Susan R. – 840 million
Alan M. – 580 million
Diana W. – 17.6 million
Sajith S. – 513,000
Marie R. – 412,000
Don O. – 250,000
Sydney H. – 44,000
Susan Z. – 43,000
Lisa M. – 41,000
Tom L. – 38,000
Debbie W. – 29,000
Estella R. – 24,000
Irene F. – 19,400

By the way, those ultra-high-frequency kiddos at the top of the list just happen to be Katherine and Kevin James, the Indigo offspring of Bryan the Lightworker. I imagine that "Lisa J." would be Bryan's wife and the kids' mother. Obviously her vibes aren't nearly as high, but they're still up there. And just in case you don’t quite understand the significance of the above results, he elaborates:

For those with some prior understanding of individual frequencies, the possibility of being able to manifest and maintain an almost unlimited vibratory state has been a bit difficult to comprehend and accept. Most didn’t think a person could possibly get beyond 1,000. And yet we see it with nearly every person we activate, as individual frequency rates have been astounding and have reached heights never before realized on this planet. While everyone generally gets their frequency up high enough to receive their Divine Template, most reach into the tens of thousands, and a few have passed the millions, billions & beyond!!

Bryan apparently bases these measurements on something called the "Hawkins Frequency Scale." As he explains it, "Dr. Hawkins developed a Scale of Consciousness based on a logarithmic scale of 1 to 1000. He claimed that all ideas, thoughts, literature, etc., vibrate at some level. Energies above 200 are considered positive, and those below 200 are rated as negative. A level of 1000 is considered the number required for ascension."

Hence, frequencies up in the thousands, billions and novemdecillions are pretty impressive. Bryan does not explain exactly how these high frequencies are measured (or how high he personally has to get in order to detect those frequencies), but I’m sure it’s all on the up-and-up, so to speak, because Thoth and Dinonysus would never lead us astray.

Come to think of it, Bryan also fails to specify which Dr. Hawkins (witch doctor Hawkins?) invented that Frequency Scale. But hey, the dude's a Doctor, and that's good enough for me.***

By now you might, understandably, be feeling a little inferior to the high achievers, even if you still don’t exactly understand the true import of those really big numbers. If so, Bryan the Lightworker has these reassuring words:

…because I’ve been practicing what the Holy Ones have coined as "Extreme Light Work," I've discovered that there truly are no limits to how high our personal vibration can go. One of the more interesting things we learned is that children far exceed most adults in their ability to raise their frequencies, and both of my children are testament to that. I keep saying that our children are the planet’s secret weapon for leading us to ascension because they can do so much more than we're asking them to do. I hope that parents will encourage their children to get involved and make a difference for the planet.

If you still haven’t grasped the enormity of some of those numbers above, here is a helpful web page. But it doesn’t matter if you understand the numbers or not, for it’s clear that all of those high-freq folks do. Or at least Bryan and his children do. So who says we have a math illiteracy problem in the US? Or a spiritual crisis, for that matter? Numbers don’t lie, and neither do Lightworkers. And as long as Bryan continues his Extreme Light Work, I think we’re covered, both education-wise and enlightenment-wise, for the next gullibillion years or so.

* My inner critic tells me to quit shooting at such easy targets and do some real research and reporting on this blog. But no one is paying me to do that – either with money or with Amazon gift certificates – and besides, this is my blog, so I’ll shoot away until I get bored (or till I get ordered to cease and desist).

** Dionysus is traditionally in charge of wine too – in this case, maybe a little too much wine?

*** More on (moron?) Dr. Hawkins can be found here on my Whirled.