Move over, Santa Baby and God!

I am beginning to wonder if maybe the Secretrons have decided to turn the tables on us non-Secret fans. I think they might be messing with our heads. In fact, maybe they’ve been messing with us all along, testing us to see how far they can go and still make us believe that they are really as gullible as they are coming across. Maybe they are just playing gullible, and we’re the gullible ones.

Tony Michalski has just alerted me to yet another site, The Universe Catalog. Well, it's not really a full-blown website; it's just a simple online order form where you can obtain "every experience & product that you could dream of...ordering is free, it just requires your trust that I, the universe, will deliver your order. Alot of you are confused and don't trust my delivery method, which is why your products don't get to you! My delivery method is fueled by TRUST. Put any name/city you like, I know who you are or who you intend to give to... So with that in mind - Place your order, and Remember - Your wish is my command."

Hey, that’s even better than the Universal Check that you can get on The Secret web site. Instead of trying to manifest money to get something you want, you can go right to the source and ask the horse, so to speak!

It goes without saying that the Universe Catalog was inspired by The Secret, with its magic "your-wish-is-my-command" genie, and, more specifically, by Secret star Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale’s now-famous statement about the Universe as a mail-order catalog. And although I couldn’t get anywhere in a "whois" search, I’m pretty sure that the Universe Catalog site was put up by a real hoaxer. It's a joke, in other words. And a funny one.

On the other hand, in today’s confusing world, you never know. The perpetrator could be a real Secret fan who, even if s/he might say it's "all in fun," honestly believes that the order form will work – the way children believe letters to Santa will work, or the way all of those folks who write letters to God, c/o the P.O. box of their favorite scamming televangelist, will work.

Or it could be a New-Wage huckster who's trying to give his or her mailing list a boost.

Or...oh, hey...it could really be the Universe Itself, making it easier than ever to place your order!

Naturally, the new Universe Catalog has them buzzing on Marcy from Maui’s Powerful Intentions Forum. A man who goes by the screen name Nábru (NewAgeBrillianceRapidlyUnfolding) started the thread by providing the link. One woman responded, "fun! i ordered a personal paradise package ;) and added on an infusion of radiant vibration!* i am glowing....i used instant delivery!"

Several others were equally enthusiastic. And then there was this lady, who wrote: "I'd be more receptive if my name and where I live weren't required. No thanks."

See, that’s what I mean about the Secretrons’ messing with our heads. NOBODY COULD BE THAT…well…I don't want to come out and use the word "stupid," but I'm thinking it, know what I mean?

One person did offer a "workaround" for the lady concerned about her privacy: Use a fake name and address, because the Universe knows your real name and where you really live. Heck, the guy who started the thread even said right off that you don't have to use your real name and address. Even the order form itself says you don't have to use your real name and address.

This, of course, just raises the question of why you would even need to fill out an online form if the Universe is so ding-dang smart. Oh, wait, I forgot: it's all in fun. And filling out online forms is fun.

I'd like to mention that our friend Nábru, he of the New Age brilliance, is also a brilliant song writer. He thoughtfully alerted readers of the Universe Catalog thread to another thread he’d started.

Inspired Thought ATTN: Rhonda Byrne - MUST READ -

I noticed that in your vision for the secret you put
"I saw a number one song of The Secret sweeping the world and touching and inspiring everyone."

I realised the other day, I have that song. I've had it for years!! I am a producer/writer, and I have a song called Nature Knows which I wrote a couple of years back for Gwen Stefani – it perfectly encompasses The Secret in its lyrics. I also produced the track, which I still have full intention to give to Gwen Stefani, as it is her style. Seriously the song is great, it's very clever, I wrote, produced and recorded it when I was 19.

[sample lyrics:]

Hey there's this woman with us, feeling confused and suspicious
We tried to comfert (sic) her the best we could but it wont (sic) surface"
I replied, "Yeah look mate, sorry I'm not feeling great,
My partner just left me, emotions are controlled by hate"
They all dead stopped and said that "if you hate then thats our fate"
"Your very feelings are the essence in which we create…"

The problem, Nábru, is that Gwen Stefani’s style isn’t exactly Secretronic. But let me welcome you, anyway, to the exciting world of songwriting! As it happens, I wrote an inspiring song too. It is not about The Secret specifically, but it is kind of related. The tune’s not original but the lyrics are. An earlier, rougher version appeared on Blair Warren’s blog (we songwriters know that every song is always a work in progress), but the revised version can be viewed here (it's the first post on the page).

Well, that’s it for now. I’m off to place my order with the Universe, and then I just gotta get back to work. Maybe I'll write some more songs, too, in my spare time.

PS - Speaking of Santa, it's good to know we can always turn to him when we get to the point where dealing with the entire Universe seems too overwhelming, or when it seems that God just doesn't care. I just found some info about a really cool book, The Ultimate Wish Book for Grown-ups: How to Use the Magic of Santa to Create Your Dreams.

"Wishes for love, health, financial freedom, a fabulous home or career – even simple wishes like nice weather for a picnic – are coming true everyday for people just like you," says the publisher. Isn't it time you learned to tap into your inner Saint Nick?

* One can't help wondering if the source of the "radiant vibration" was powered by a C battery.